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"Selective Memories"Written By: t-shirt Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: R Warnings: Mild NCS, mention of past NCS and...
tons of fluff ([edit] at the end), touch of sap, angsty type stuff Pairings: 1x2 Summary: Duo knows there's more going on with Heero than meets the eye, and is determined to find out what it is "Selective Memories" Hiiro stared at the screen of his laptop unseeing as his mind cataloged every minute detail of his partner’s behavior. The strange way his head twitched almost imperceptivity to the left, how quickly he blinked his eyes and the slightly elevated breathing alerting him to the inevitable. “Headache?” “What?” Duo snipped looking apologetic for his misplaced irritation but unable to completely put it away. “Eyes hurt,” he explained taking a moment to rub at them. Hiiro kept the increase in his heart rate carefully concealed as he casually closed his screen. “You want some coffee?” “No,” the longhaired boy grumbled sighing at his lack of control. “I haven’t been sleeping very well,” he confessed. “Water?” Hiiro smiled gently going still as the grave when Duo looked up to reply and stopped. Hiiro’s heart raced but all he revealed of his anxiety was a curiously raised brow to which Duo replied, “Nothing.” He could see it in his eyes but knew the time had not yet come to address the problem. If he had his way he’d never have to deal with it again but he knew as well as he knew the infinite sky there was no other recourse. The weight of Duo’s eyes followed him until he could no longer see and Hiiro relaxed momentarily and tried to gather his collective nerve. His hand slipped into his pocket to confirm the presence of his sin, his fingers gripping the small cylinder tightly as his eyes clenched shut against the bitter pain of betrayal. “Hiiro?” It was getting harder to deal with. “Yeah?” Duo’s eyes were cool and calculating as he regarded him from the doorway, his expression deeply creased with the shadows of things that might never have been. “Have you ever heard of the M.I.B.?” So soon. It hadn’t been a month this time. “That’s just a movie,” Hiiro chuckled stirring the cream in his coffee. Duo eyed him intently for a time in which Hiiro was acutely aware of the sweat beading on his brow. “I don’t think so,” he replied with growing animosity. Just once…. Just once Hiiro wished it wouldn’t be so. “There are no aliens,” he reminded his agitated partner. “Maybe not,” Duo nodded bracing against a kitchen chair as vertigo spun in his eyes. “But there is a secret organization,” he insisted glaring heatedly into Hiiro’s eyes as he accused, “And you’re a member!” Hiiro sighed heavily wishing again that things could be different but Duo’s mind had once again proven too strong. “You look feverish,” he commented going the longhaired boy’s aid only to be instantly rebuked. “Don’t touch me!” Duo growled stumbling back into the wall, his hands flailing out as his vision blurred. “Gods,” he garbled blinking furiously as he crashed to one knee and held his tumbling stomach. “What in the hell did you do to me?” Hiiro watched with growing anxiety. His mind fighting the ever present war with his heart as the opportunity to finally taste the sweetness that so determinedly tempted him every day came within reach. “Duo.” “Fuck you!” the braided boy roared fighting back tears as his mind was drown in repressed memories. “Please,” Hiiro entreated gripping his arm. “NO!” Duo barked struggling for freedom. “Stop it!” Hiiro shouted jerking him into his arms. “Damn it,” he groaned gripping his flailing body so tightly it was all Duo could do to breathe. “Just stop.” “What the fuck did you do to me, Hiiro?” Duo ground out wriggling against Hiiro and his own bodies betrayal as his mind spun out of control. “Why can’t you…just once!” Hiiro growled gripping his hair so he could see into his eyes then Duo suddenly roared as he was forcefully kissed. “NO!” “Be still!” “Get off me!” Duo let go a great huff when his back hit the floor so hard it took his breath away and Hiiro snarled desperately, “Just once!... Gods,” he gasped piteously holding the winded boy tightly. “Just this once… don’t’ fight it.” Duo’s eyes were dazed when he drew back to look into them but he didn’t need a window to see what was going on in his mind. It was always the same. He bent to kiss him softly in his moment of detachment fully aware that Duo’s mind was slowly putting it all together as memories of hundreds other kisses came together, each bringing with it the stinging reality that not one had been offered consensually. The sweet moment was piteously short lived when the braided boy suddenly bucked and began the long anticipated struggle. He knew it was wrong and deep down it tore at his soul to cause the longhaired boy any pain but his will was only so strong. Every day, every week of every month he was forced to live beside him without so much as a gentle caress of his hand to comfort him. A hundred images of Duo’s slick body rotating slowly in the showers as he rinsed his long, luxurious hair, the scent of his skin when they sat close or just the way he smiled over morning coffee all converged and taunted him every single day until he was certain he’d loose his mind if he couldn’t have him. “Ah! F…fuck! You sadistic pig! S…stOP!” “Please,” Hiiro begged holding him firmly as he tasted skin that cried out to him in his dreams. “Don’t fight me, Duo,” he pleaded drawing another long, unresponsive kiss from his lips. Duo bucked trying to dislodge his hand but was unable to free himself hissing angrily when Hiiro’s fingers found their mark. It was a battle of wills at that point, one which Hiiro was determined to win as he forced first his hands then his body on his beautiful teammate. It made him ill how easily his need overtook his good sense inspiring him to do things he’d never thought himself capably of but he wanted him so badly, every fiber of his soul aching with need that simply refused to yield. Duo screamed when his body was invaded, the curses falling from his lips laced with the rage of surfacing memories of countless penetrations brushing along the back of his mind but still Hiiro couldn’t stop. It was always the same so he pushed the guilt aside and clung to the only thing that granted him peace. Duo’s struggling eased as they neared the end, his body forcing his mind into a state of momentary rapture and for one instant in time Hiiro got to see the unbridled passion in his eyes then everything faded to white and the darkness crept in. “How long?” Duo asked gently in the coolness of afterglow. Hiiro loosened his grip since his partner had stopped struggling but couldn’t find the strength to rise and look him in the eye. “It doesn’t’ matter,” he told him swallowing the bile that threatened purge the sin from his body. “Why couldn’t I remember?” Duo asked lying quietly on the floor where his eyes distantly regarded the ceiling. Hiiro sighed heavily and rolled off of him to stare upward as well. “Do you remember the first time?” Duo’s eyes closed as if accessing some distant pain before he nodded. “You wiped my memory to hide the fact that you raped me.” “I didn’t rape you,” the Japanese boy grumbled. “You shoved your dick up my ass without my consent,” Duo snipped. “You never said no,” Hiiro countered. “I was fucking passed out drunk!” Hiiro sighed reigning in the stabbing guilt. “I didn’t want you to have to live with the knowledge…” “That you raped me,” Duo supplied. Hiiro bit back on the anger of knowing it was essentially true and braced for the next stage as the braided boy began to laugh. “How many fucking times, Hiiro!?” he growled as the laugher shifted and he was suddenly rolling away stopping only when his back hit the cabinet doors. “How many times have you violated me since then!” “I never meant…” “Fuck that!” “Duo…” “Gods,” Duo groaned curling into the floor and Hiiro bit down on his cheek as he coughed and dry heaved. “You fucking bastard.” Hiiro said nothing but slipped his hand into his pocket steeling his resolve as Duo’s hateful, violet eyes rounded on him. They paused when their gazes met, Hiiro’s soulful remorse sparking in the righteous damnation of Duo’s gaze until he slowly lifted his hand and Duo went white as a sheet. “No,” he breathed flattening himself against the cabinets. “Not again.” “It’s better this way,” Hiiro reasoned thumbing the slender object in his hand. Duo’s eyes went round as they watched the little, red light blink on one end. “Please,” he begged. “Don’t… you have no idea how horrible it is.” “It’s better than living with what we’ve become,” the Japanese boy countered raising the neuralizer. “No,” Duo told him looking ready to bolt. “I have dreams,” he confessed. “Dreams so vivid I can’t tell when I’m awake sometimes.” “You’re mind is too strong to repress for long,” Hiiro sighed. “But…” “But what?!” Duo snapped. “You’re having too much fun fucking me when I wake up?!” Hiiro clenched his eyes shut knowing there was truth to the statement but he couldn’t help the longing. “It’ll be better if this never happened.” “Wait!” Duo gasped holding out a hand to shield his eyes from the detestable light. “Just relax,” Hiiro sighed. “In a moment everything will be the same as before.” “Then jack it up.” Hiiro gaped then set his jaw. “No… you might loose yourself completely.” “Hiiro, please,” Duo croaked rubbing at his eyes. “I can’t do this anymore. It’s a living nightmare. Hell, half the time I’m scared I’m loosing my mind. Do you have any idea what it’s like to wake up in a cold sweat certain you’ve just been butt fucked by your best friend only to find yourself alone?” Hiiro watched him intently but made no indication of response. “This is driving me insane.” “You...dream about me?” Duo laughed wryly but confirmed with a nod. “Why didn’t you say anything?” “Because I thought you’d rip my head off,” the braided boy chortled. “Ironic huh? Since you really did fuck me.” “Stop saying it like that,” Hiiro grumbled. “It’s the truth.” “It’s not what I want.” “My ass is telling another story,” Duo stabbed bringing a painful crease to Hiiro’s brow. “Wait!” he gasped when Hiiro raised the neuralizer again. “Why didn’t you just tell me how you felt!?” “You tried to put a bullet in my head!” “Because you fucking raped me while I was intoxicated!” “I never meant…!” Hiiro shouted biting off the bitter words, his anger fading instantly in the face of impending truth. “There was no way to make you understand after what happened.” “You could have tried a more subtle approach after you zapped me.” Hiiro’s left brow rose sharply. “Are you implying I might have succeeded in gaining your affection?” “How in the hell should I know?!” Duo grumbled turning his scarlet face away. “Duo,” Hiiro gasped and suddenly he was there with trembling hands that insisted upon the braided boy’s attention. “Please don’t play with me. I couldn’t stand it if I lost you completely.” “Damn it,” Duo groaned letting his head fall back to rest on the cabinet. “I thought I was dreaming about you because…” but his words stalled as his skin crisped. “You like me,” Hiiro grinned but it waned instantly when Duo sorrowfully replied… “I… did.” “Duo?” “Wipe me clean,” the braided boy choked clearly terrified by the request. “Make sure I don’t remember anything.” Hiiro’s hand shook as he presented the device forcing Duo to look into his eyes instead of at the red light. “I’ll make you happy,” he promised sealing it with a small kiss before offering a reassuring smile and Duo’s world disappeared in a flash of red. ** “What’s this?” Duo asked peering over the top of his paper at the box that had appeared on the table. “For you,” Hiiro replied gathering his coat. Duo’s brow knit but there was a smile hiding in the corner of his mouth as he took his feet off the table and reached for the gift. It was so odd how his partner was behaving lately but he couldn’t say he wasn’t enjoying the attention. For so long he’d secretly admired Hiiro in so many ways but over the past few weeks things between then had changed. It was almost as if the Japanese boy had taken it upon himself to ensure Duo’s happiness in any way possible. He grinned finding the circuit board he’d been scouring the inet for inside and beamed at his smirking partner. “Where’d you find it?” “Trade secret,” Hiiro smiled helping him on with his coat. “We going somewhere?” Duo laughed pocketing the gift. “There’s a movie in the park,” Hiiro explained loving the way Duo’s eyes lit up. “They were showing that new vampire flick right?” the braided boy smiled. “I guess,” Hiiro replied ushering him through the door. “You don’t even know what’s on?” Duo chuckled stepping in the elevator when Hiiro offered him the way. “Doesn’t matter,” Hiiro smirked choosing the lobby. “It’s only an excuse to sit under the open sky with you anyway.” Duo’s eyes shied but his lips were smiling their approval and Hiiro congratulated himself on making good progress until those endless, violet eyes rounded on him and every tendon in his body contracted. “You know,” Duo softly intoned unable to hold his gaze. “The way you act sometimes… it’s almost as if…” “What?” Hiiro breathed gravitating slowly closer, his heart beating quickly as his mind dared to wonder if the moment had finally come. “As if,” Duo whispered glancing at his lips then wetting his own anxiously just before Hiiro kissed him. The heat was incredible, like nothing he’d ever experienced before because this time Duo wasn’t fighting against him. Indeed, he was drinking him in, drowning him in a sinful pleasure unprecedented by anything in Hiiro’s memory until Duo suddenly gasped… “S…stop.” Hiiro moaned slowing in his effort to divest his partner but he was so sweet, so hot and so very compliant it was difficult to listen to the voice in the back of his mind that screamed never again. “Wait.” “Damn it,” the Japanese boy growled forcing his hands to still as his heart broke with the thought that he’d messed it up for good until Duo breathed… “Not here.” He squeaked when Hiiro kissed him again but could managed nothing more than a brilliant smile when Hiiro pulled back to declare, “I love you.” “It shows,” Duo laughed humming it through his nose when Hiiro plugged his mouth again. “Let’s skip the movie,” Duo panted as they neared the lobby. “No,” Hiiro smiled loving the little pout it put on his lips. “We’ve got all night,” he reminded him refusing to let go of his hand as he led him outside and toward the park. “But don’t you want to…?” Duo grumbled. “More than you could possibly imagine,” Hiiro laughed seizing him at the corner and Duo laughed when his feet left the ground while he was spun around. “But,” Hiiro smiled letting him slid slowly down his chest until he held him comfortably in his arms. “I want this more,” he told him leaning forward to claim a long, sweet kiss that left the braided boy breathless and shaking like a leaf. “I can’t believe….all this time,” Duo smiled shyly. “How long have you felt like this?” “For so long,” Hiiro chuckled. Duo gazed wondrously into his shimmering eyes for a moment before looking away. “You’re sure you don’t want to skip the movie?” Hiiro laughed again gathering him into a warm embrace. “There’ll be plenty of time for that later.” “For what?” Duo hedged and Hiiro’s grin curled so slowly his eyes grew round. “You’ll see,” the Japanese boy told him moving over his mouth in a way that stole his breath away. “I’ll do such things to you.” “L…like what?” Duo stammered. Hiiro grinned with utter joy when he felt the beautiful boy trembling in his arms. “I promise,” he told him reiterating his vow as his kissed him. “I’ll make you happy.” And he did. owari :)
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