|
"nakodo shimei"Written By: t-shirt View art work for 'Nakodo Shimei": Click HERE Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: post-war cannon, Fluff, sap, WAFF ^-^,
slight angst, mention of lemon Pairings: (eventual 3x4, 1x2), 5+all Beta reader: mechante-fille Summary: Duo’s unease over his fellow pilot’s
lack of happiness in their new world of peace leads to a daring plan
to rectify the problem.
"nakodo shimei "
“Good morning.” Well he sounded remarkably relaxed. Almost as if he’d found some way to relieve a lot of tension, but I didn’t want to think about that. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” I whispered. “You didn’t,” he smiled, rolling over to fully look at me. Jesus! Why the hell wasn’t he wearing a damn shirt!? Things like that didn’t bother me a few weeks ago. I’d totally lost control of it. He managed to completely change my entire thought pattern with his next three words. “I told her.” “………………..” blink. “W.. what?” I stammered, suddenly finding my boot very interesting. “I told her I don’t love her,” he reiterated, but I only half heard him. My brain was doing a fair job of running around in my head without me. Damn it Maxwell, calm down! It’s not like he was asking me out on a damn date! “She take it ok?” I managed. Time to redo my hair. Yeah. That needed done. He took the time to sit up, letting what was left of the sheet covering him drop to pool in his lap. Took me three damn seconds to stop staring in the mirror and start tightening my braid again. Out of control. I was totally out of control. I think he heard it when I swallowed. “She refused to believe me,” he informed me, and I dove on the line. “Big surprise,” I snorted. He laughed. “Until I told her I was in love with someone else,” he went on in that even tone of his. You know? The oddly expectant one that usually means I’m supposed to say something back? “Um… maybe you should tell Quatre about it,” I suggested, but it obviously wasn’t what he wanted to hear because he sighed heavily and I felt so damn foolish all of a sudden I was starting to get a little pissed off. “Well I’m sure she’s upset,” I snipped. “Someone’s gonna need to offer a shoulder.” “Why are you getting testy?” he huffed softly. “Because you’re acting like it’s no big deal,” I shot back. To hell with it. My hair was perfect anyway. “She’s loved you for a long time, ya know?” I rounded on him. “You can’t expect her to drop it just like that.” “What she feels for me is not love,” he insisted. “Whatever, man,” I grumbled, making a halfhearted attempt at making my bed. “What would you have me do then?” he asked defensively. “I told her as honestly as I know how.” “Oh gods,” I sighed, slumping onto the bed. That meant he’d said something like ‘Relena. I don’t love you. I’m in love with someone else. Sorry about that. Bye.’ “What?” he snapped. “You can’t just dump her and bail.” “She was never mine to dump,” he retorted. “You have a responsibility…” “I don’t owe her anything,” he cut me off. “She needs to get over it,” and the ice in his tone just seriously pissed_me_off. “What in the hell makes you think you’re so fucking easy to get over!?” I shouted. I don’t really recall rising to my feet, but I was standing over him and it was taking all my will power not to just reach out and shake him. He sat there drop-jawed staring blankly at me and I suddenly realized what I’d just done and backed down. “Never mind,” I grumbled turning away. “It’s none of my business anyway.” And it wasn’t. It was between Heero and Relena. I was stepping over the line. “Duo, wait,” he called after me, making my attempted escape impossible, and I found my feet rooted to the floor. Why couldn’t I defy him? I should have just kept on walking but he sounded like he… needed me. “I’m sorry,” I offered unable to turn around. “I shouldn’t have butted in.” “I don’t care about that,” he was saying, and I was aware of him moving closer to me. The urge to bolt like a stung horse took hold of me, but I managed to stay in the room. I couldn’t hold still though, and ended up pacing over to the window so I could at least see outside. “I want to know what you think,” he told me. “I just don’t understand why you’re getting so upset with me over this.” “I dunno,” I sighed, moving again to the dresser this time when he came towards me. “Don’t worry about it,” I told him turning my brush round and round. “My mental malfunctions shouldn’t be on your list of concerns,” I mumbled. “Duo.” I forced my focus back onto him again as he once again moved forward. “Everything you think and feel is important to me,” he said and I suddenly just could not take anymore. “Jesus fucking Christ, Heero!” I burst, side stepping him. “What the hell are you saying?!” This was making me insane! “That’s the kind of thing a guy says to his lover!” I was totally exasperated, moving from one spot to another in an attempt to avoid him, but he wasn’t having any of it and finally just snatched me by the arm and crushed me to his chest. “Damn it Duo!” he exclaimed holding me tight enough to bruise. “If you’d just stop dancing so damn fast!” he exclaimed but he wasn’t really talking to me, and I can’t say I was comprehending his line of thought, but then my mind was a little dazed and confused at that point. I wanted him to hold me. Wanted it so much I couldn’t pull away, and found myself clinging to him for all I was worth. “Heero… please,” I croaked, though I wasn’t exactly sure what it was I was begging him for. All I knew was that I needed this to stop. I needed us to go back to the days when we could lay under the stars and argue over their names. I needed my best friend back. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly; the sound of it was almost painful to my ears. “I’m so sorry,” he breathed again squeezing me tighter yet. “I’ve been pushing too hard. It’ll be ok,” he told me, and I nodded because even though I didn’t understand them I trusted that his words were the truth. As I always have. “You ok?” he asked then in a much lighter tone that allowed me to resurface from the depths of the shadowy pool of my own depression. “Yeah,” I replied shakily, offering him a wan little smile I hoped was reassuring in some way as I pulled out of his arms. “What?” “Nothing,” he continued to smile then on a sudden impulse asked, “Have you made any plans for today?” “Not really,” I replied. “Want to help me with a little project?” he grinned, and just like that I felt a hundred percent better. “Why do I get the feeling I’m gonna regret this?” I resigned and his grin grew to mammoth proportions. Well…. Shit. I have to say I never expected Heero to get that worked up over helping me with my little matchmaking mission but when it came to seeing to Relena’s future he suddenly seemed to have found his stride. The project he’d mentioned had us searching through old school records most of the morning until we finally came across a face and matched it with a name, and then we were off to find the individual who was about to find an entirely new road opening up before him. There was this guy you see, and from Heero’s description he’d had it pretty bad for our blue-eyed monarch back during the first days of the war. Actually made the mistake of challenging Heero during a fencing match once. William Bartholomew Jones. The son of Senator Randolph C. Jones and currently a student of political science at St. Gabriel’s University on the beautiful shores of the Sanc Kingdom. He’d apparently kept himself as close to the Princess as possible over the years, and was working his way up to becoming a realistic colleague and peer in her world. The possibility that his affections for her had driven his path was good enough that we decided to pursue the prospect. We were both pleasantly surprised to find he was right there on L4 when we finally tracked him down. Like so many of her acquaintances, he too had rushed to her side when the opportunity to support her ideas had presented itself. It was perfect. We didn’t even have to invite him. Good old Billy was fixing to get the chance of a lifetime. “That him?” I asked zeroing in on our target. He was shopping for a new suit for the ball, no doubt. There was a young lady with him. but she was so obviously related to him, having the same bright blonde hair and dark eyes, we knew there was no danger of competition. Heero nodded and pulled a slick, blue shirt from the rack beside us. “You think this would look good on me?” he intoned thoughtfully. I glanced at it then back at our quarry and mumbled, “Everything looks good on you,” before nabbing him and stalking off in pursuit of our escaping prey. I heard him laugh but I steadfastly ignored it. Man, I was slipping more and more lately. We were forced to endure three more of the stuffy, upscale shops before Billy and his companion decided to take a break at a café along Chelsea Street. This neighborhood was the equivalent to Earth’s Beverly Hills, but we had anticipated that. I was wearing the black jacket Quatre had given me and Heero had bought that slick, blue shirt just to spite me. There was nothing about us that looked out of place when we took the table beside them. “You don’t think Relena,” and yes, I said her name quiet loudly “…would do anything rash, do you?” That’s all it took. We had Billy’s undivided attention the moment he heard her name. “No,” Heero replied casually. “She’s an intelligent woman,” he said accepting the menu from our waitress. “I just hate to see her cry, ya know?” “Excuse me,” Billy interjected, turning in his chair. “Yes?” I smiled into his concerned expression. “You’re Heero Yuy aren’t you?” he inquired of my partner, but from the lack of warmth in the question he already knew it to be true. Heero just nodded. “I heard what you said,” he told him sternly. “What have you done to Miss Relena now?” he asked letting his bad temper show. “Exactly why would it be any of your concern?” I asked, doing my best to sound petulant. “Because I just happen to be a... close personal friend of hers,” he snipped. “I remember you,” Heero intoned evenly. It was very amusing to watch the guy’s face drain to white. “W.. w.. why would Miss Relena be crying?” he managed to stammer, and I found myself impressed with his bravery. Most guys would probably have backed down when faced with that sort of confidence but then Heero wasn’t exactly laying it on too thick. “I rejected her,” Heero stated bluntly. Geez. No tact this one. The confession served its purpose however. Billy was beside himself. “I cannot understand you!” he blurted. His companion, whom I had decided must be his sister, reached out and laid a hand on his arm supportively. “She’s been trying to get your attention all this time! Why can’t you see what a wonderful, beautiful person she is?” he went on. “Why don’t you just give her a chance?” “Because I’m gay,” Heero deadpanned, and I spit my water halfway across the damn patio. “Wh..what?” Billy stuttered while I tried to piece what was left of my mind back together. “I’m homosexual,” my partner repeated with such conviction I almost believed him myself. “I could never love her the way she wants me to,” he finished, and Billy looked very much like he might just grow wings and fly away. “Really?” he asked uncertainly. Heero nodded again. This had not been in the script but it was working like a charm, I had to admit. “So if you’re really her friend,” I smiled “You might want to be there for her. She seemed pretty upset. I imagine she’d appreciate a hand to hold.” I shut up when Heero kicked me under the table. So I wanted to make sure he got the idea. Bite me. “Yes,” Billy smiled thoughtfully. “I suppose it would be the only proper thing to do,” he said absently as he stood from the table. His sister flashed us a brilliant smile, then followed him, already twittering encouragingly in his ear. “Sir! Excuse me! Sir!” the waitress called going after them but I caught her attention and offered to pay their bill. All they had had time to order was drinks anyway. “That was freaking brilliant,” I chuckled once she’d gone away with our orders. He shrugged smugly and sipped his tea. I thought of Quatre and Trowa and wondered if that’s where he’d come up with the idea. “What the hell made you say that?” I asked. “Probably because it’s true,” he replied. White noise. That’s what my world had suddenly become. I was sitting there still looking at him, but I was no longer connected to the moment. My mind was racing backward through time. The conversation that morning. The evening last night. His expression when I stepped onto that stairway. His arms tight around me. His voice groaning my name sleepily aboard the shuttle. The stars. A broken down Leo. A conversation about my eyes. His hand in mine and his warm, gentle smile. “Duo?” he called in this frightened little voice that made him sound about five years old. “Are… you serious?” I heard myself ask, and I think it was the fact that he couldn’t answer me that made me believe and suddenly I was just… numb. “I’m sorry,” he spoke softly. It was all there. Right there in his eyes. Everything I’d been feeling. All my fears and insecurities. It was like looking into a frigging mirror. “I should have told you… so long ago,” he sighed, dropping his gaze. “I just…” “Didn’t want to lose,” I finished the thought, knowing the feeling all too well and he looked up at me again. I saw the hope in his eyes and knew what he needed to hear. “It’s ok,” I told him. “Nothing’s changed. You’re still my best friend right?” His expression then was this bastard mix of relief, frustration and pure determination. “What if I wanted more?” he asked hesitantly. “From me?!” I squeaked, and I’m afraid he totally misunderstood my reaction because he suddenly looked like someone had kicked him in the nuts. “Sorry,” he breathed distantly. “Wait a minute,” I said doing my best to clear my muddled mind and put my wildly careening thoughts back in order. “Are you saying this other person you told Relena you’re in love with… is me?” I think my heart totally stopped beating while I waited for him to answer. When he did, he did it in true Heero style sitting up straight and looking me dead in the eye. “Yes.” “Holy shit,” was all I could come up with. “Since when?” I blurted, then overstepped that stupidity with “Why?” Then I just shut up because I was quickly devolving into something less than intelligent. “I came back because I needed to know if you could ever return my feelings,” he told me. “And lately you just seemed so… receptive.” “I am,” I whispered unable to gain his eyes. I’d kept that secret buried so deep inside me for so long it actually hurt to speak it out loud. “What?” he sat forward encouraged by the confession. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted,” I forced from my lips, and felt a great weight lift away when his eyes lit up and he smiled at me. “Duo,” he began reaching forward to take my hand and I found myself backing away and glancing around at the other patrons. Geez! Ever heard of a little thing called discretion?! But it was like he was suddenly zeroed in and nothing else existed. “Go to the ball with me,” he coaxed, coercing me with that brilliant sparkle suddenly dancing in his eyes. Part of me was just going ‘no way’ but most of me was diving in headfirst. “We’re already going,” I chuckled. “As my date,” he insisted, and I blushed appropriately. “Please?” he smiled and I knew it was hopeless. “I’m not wearing a dress,” I sniggered. “You don’t have to wear anything at all!” he gushed. “Heero!” “I mean… you know what I mean,” he laughed at himself with me and it was suddenly as if someone had opened the flood gates on the sea of flirtation. When he smirked it was the same smirk I knew so well, but now I could see the deeper meaning behind it. Knowing that my feelings were returned was like being given a license to live and I took full advantage of the opportunity. I was suddenly aware of just how often I find reasons to touch him because he was suddenly returning the affectionate caresses with gusto. It was seriously stroking the buried desire I had been squashing for so long, and by the time we got back to the Winner Estate I would have stripped naked and let him nail me to the front door if he wanted. He didn’t, of course, but I had the definite feeling he wanted to. There was a plan simmering in the depths of those deep blue eyes; I could smell it and I wouldn’t have spoiled his fun for anything. It was a decidedly weird feeling when he chased me inside and up the stairs like a couple of elementary school kids, laughing and giggling at nothing more than the fact that we were together. We stopped when we spotted Trowa pushing Quatre into a room down the hall with his mouth. The noise we were making caused the taller boy to pause and take a moment to... well… leer at us from beneath that long shock of auburn hair of his. Quatre just looked completely bewildered while his lover and Heero smirked at each other then the door suddenly opened and Trowa was kissing him again and they were gone. “GIVE’IM HELL QUAT!” “Duo!” Heero scolded playfully, pushing me into our room while I laughed like a loon, then suddenly I was in his arms and his mouth was on mine and I thought I was going to burst into flames. Gods in heaven but he is one strong son of a bitch. I was reminded of this fact when he picked me clean up off the ground and held me with one arm while the other was trying to shove me face first down his throat. I was shaking like a leaf and completely helpless in his arms and by the time my feet found the floor again my legs were too weak to support me. The fierce kiss slowly melted into something wholly sublime, and the rapid-fire white flares that were blinding me faded into a softer strobe of delicate colors behind my eyes. A deep, throaty rumble vibrated in his chest and rose up to invade my mouth as he laid me back onto one of the beds, melting my mind and body in pure surrender. I heard myself whimper when he pulled back. I felt the shudder in his breath, the tremble in his body as he forced himself to pause. His eyes were clenched tightly closed in his effort to control his desires, so why was he stopping? “Heero?” I breathed uncertainly. “You’re very… receptive,” he ground out, and I felt a thrill run through me as I understood he’d just realized something rather important that wouldn’t have actually been obvious until that moment. “Yes,” I chuckled, wrapping my legs around his hips and raising my own in invitation. “I am,” I grinned pulling him into me again. “Duo,” he gasped, then he was kissing me again and I found myself being crushed under his hips and on the verge of release. It lasted only a fraction of the eternity I wished it would, and then he was suddenly pushing away from me, mumbling a steady commentary to himself about ‘no.. not like this’ and how I deserved better and I wanted to jerk his hair out! “Heero?” I whined, clawing at him but he forced his hands to my wrists and steadied his resolve. “I almost ruined it didn’t I?” he kind of laughed, but it was a very strange sound. Sort of borderline hysterical. “Ruined what?” I hedged, grinning up at him, but he only pecked me on the lips and disappeared. “Get dressed,” he smiled, heading for the door. “Hey! Where’re you going?” I called after him. “I have a date,” he tossed back over his shoulder,
then he was gone and I was left with this ominous feeling and a raging
hard on.
~ * ~ tbc... |
