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"nakodo shimei"Written By: t-shirt View art work for 'Nakodo Shimei": Click HERE Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: post-war cannon, Fluff, sap, WAFF ^-^,
slight angst, mention of lemon Pairings: (eventual 3x4, 1x2), 5+all Beta reader: mechante-fille Summary: Duo’s unease over his fellow pilot’s
lack of happiness in their new world of peace leads to a daring plan
to rectify the problem.
"nakodo shimei " Chapter 5 I don’t usually dream, but I did then. Crazy as
it sounds, my mind came up with this vision of Heero and me on some
beach somewhere, just the two of us playing in the warm waves. He
was so beautiful splashing around, showing off for me. For me. That’s
what finally brought me back. I never was any good with pipe dreams.
“Hmm, Duo,” he groaned but before my mind could fully implode another voice was calling my name and I shot out of that bed faster than I have ever moved in my life. I was standing there panting like a racehorse, probably white as a sheet, starring into the shocked face of my groggy-eyed partner when Sally rounded the corner. “Duo?” she questioned in concern and I, feeling my face flame beyond words, ducked my head and just ran. “Duo!?” she called again, but Uh, uh! No way! I had to get away. Far away. Away from her. Away from Heero. Someplace where I could think. Somewhere where I could get it back under control. Of course there wasn’t anywhere other than the interior of the Sanctum, so that’s where I ended up and I didn’t stop until I was buried deep inside the enormous vessel. I thought I could do it. I thought I could just be his friend and everything would be ok but… damn! No. I could do it. I had to. And it would be ok. I just had to make sure something like that never happened again. I’d get it back under control, put it back in its box and stay by his side as long as he would let me. Don’t get the wrong idea; it took several hours and four dime-store novels for me to come to that conclusion. I was coming to a point where I almost felt as if I could rejoin the others when I heard the tell tale sound of someone moving around in the vast infrastructure. It turned out to be Wufei. “Maxwell?” He called, knowing by instinct alone that I was curled up in the alcove near the end of a long line of bookshelves, because he sure couldn’t see me in the dim light. I had been reading by the light of one of my flashlights, but the batteries had run down long ago. Perhaps it was the open grating on the shelf nearest me that had given my position away. “Here,” I called softly but I had no ambition to move just yet, so he was forced to come to me. “We will be approaching X1999 soon,” he was saying, but his words were as cautious as his steps. Man. I must have really scared them. “Yeah,” I groaned, forcing my numb legs to unfold and support me. “I know. I was just headed back.” “Are you… all right?” he asked hesitantly. “Sally was worried,” he added quickly, but ya know? The flush on his cheeks was telling me a lot more than he was and I couldn’t help but grin at him. “Just peachy,” I told him, flashing my brightest smile, but he wasn’t buying it and it died pretty quick. “This place is ridiculously massive,” he grumbled, letting it go for me and I was eternally grateful. “I could spend the rest of my life just trying to read my way out of this one hallway,” I chuckled. “We should rejoin the others,” he commented. “We’ve got some time,” I shrugged, mostly because I wasn’t really ready to go back yet. Besides, it seemed a waste not to check out the Sanctum now that we were there. “Let’s have a look around. This place is pretty amazing,” I observed, looking for a light control. It took us several minutes to find the panel of multiple switches, but once we did the place just seemed to come alive. Jumping Jehosephats! We’d hit the mother load! Somehow I’d managed to lead us into the central chamber of the vessel where there appeared to have been a massive atrium at some point. There were full-grown trees in there! They were dead, of course, but their trunks remained; each laden with the decaying stalks of what had once been huge vines reaching upward into the domed ceiling and the remains of long untended flower gardens lay all along the borders. I almost fell over backwards getting a good look at the vast tile mosaic encrusted above us. There were creatures of every imaginable size, shape and color pieced together there. Images of people, young and old. Some sitting under trees reading, while others battled huge whales or fearsome creatures. I was so caught up in the moment, I hardly noticed Wufei wandering off until my eyes could no longer resist the temptation his visage proposed. I hadn’t seen the true beauty of the place. Not until I saw it through Wufei’s eyes. He wasn’t looking at the decaying garden or the resplendent art it contained. His eyes were trained unflinchingly on the endless shelves of books that lined the walls. They just seemed to go on forever. There were so many just in this one chamber alone, and it actually represented only a fraction of the wealth that was stored here. I watched him walking out into the center of the room, the light streaming down through the rain of dust displaced from the lights when we’d turned them on, and understood something I hadn’t. It was there in his expression, in the renewed sparkle of his black diamond eyes. True happiness is obtaining that one thing that your heart desires; however, that one thing isn’t necessarily a person. I knew in that moment, Wufei had found what he needed. He’d come home. He and Heero made a quick run into the satellite belt when we got close enough, and ended up only confirming what Heero and I already knew. There was no refinery, just the hollowed out shell of one that had been destroyed during the war. It came as no surprise to me when Wufei announced that he would be turning in his badge. Une wouldn’t accept it, of course; she’d refused to deactivate any one of us. The citizens of X1999 were only too happy to have his help and from the way he was behaving that was a very good thing ‘cause he wasn’t about to turn his new treasure over to anyone else. Sally took the blow like a real trooper. The woman was just so happy for him she couldn’t seem to work up to being upset over losing her partner. The find had given him a new lease on life and put the zeal back in his step, and for once he and Sally were getting along! We left X1999 right on schedule, taking a commercial flight instead of a private shuttle, mostly so we didn’t have to worry with piloting and could rest. It was good to see our companions relaxing together. They were in the seats three rows up and to our right, and I kept seeing Sally toss her head back and laugh while Wufei glared and knew he’d been showing her something about his new job again. Maybe someday, down the road a bit when he was more settled, they would find they needed more from each other. There was no hurry to hook Wufei up now, that’s for sure. He was happier than I’d ever seen him. I wish I could’ve said the same for Heero. He was just plain cranky. “You want a pillow?” I hedged cautiously. He’d been a bit... prickly, since our little nap. It was weighing on my mind pretty heavily that I might have damaged something permanently between us. “Hn,” he grunted, and I found myself sighing again. That was getting to be a habit I needed to break. I gave him the pillow and watched while he stuffed it under his head and curled up against the window. I knew he wasn’t sleeping, but he appeared to not want to talk to me at all. I considered trying to explain. It crossed my mind that perhaps if he understood, things might be better but the fear that he might turn away altogether held my tongue. There’s nothing quite like telling a guy you’d like to polish his knob to get you the cold shoulder. Of course, it was more than that, but that’s usually the part other guys have the biggest problem with. I had no clue what to do so I ended up sighing again and keeping my big mouth shut. It was another half hour before the all clear chimed and we were allowed to leave our seats. I had opted for separate cabins for obvious reasons and found myself less than enthralled when Heero continued to pretend he was asleep as I prepared to retreat. The ache in my chest was becoming cumbersome at that point. I needed to know we were going to be all right, but I still had no clue how to put it behind us. There seemed to be only one word that kept surfacing in my mind and I found myself softly uttering my apology to his mock sleeping form before I left for my cabin. It was nice to lie down, even if the cot was hard and tiny. It had a pillow and a blanket so it beat a lot of places I’d found myself sleeping in my life, only sleep was an elusive commodity right about then and we were still a day and a half out. It was shaping up to be a long damn trip. I thought about a lot of things lying there. Heero. Sally and her mystery `friend`. Wufei’s expression when he got a look at the heart’s blood of the Sanctum. Quatre’s bright smile and Trowa’s empty eyes. And Heero. It all kept coming back around to him in the end. Wufei had found his home. Quatre had somehow rekindled his bright light. Trowa was still searching, but I had no clue how to help Heero. He’d implied there was someone he cared for once. Perhaps it was time to do a little digging and find out who it was. At least then maybe I could be of some use to him. Maybe I could help this person see what a great and wonderful gift they had obtained. Maybe, in some way, I could make him happy. “Duo?” Shit. What the hell was wrong with my eyes?! “Yeah… just a sec” I called scrambling around for a tissue. Damn it. “I didn’t wake you did I?” he asked hesitantly. “No... I was just…” Ok, so I had no idea what to say after that but it became unnecessary once I’d opened the door to finish the lie. “Hey, what’s up?” I smiled moving to straighten the covers on the bed so he could sit if he wanted. “Duo,” he said again, and the tone of it kind of scared me. He obviously wanted to say something he felt was fairly important. I’m afraid my fingers went numb and my knees suddenly didn’t have the strength to bear my weight. I found my ass on the edge of the cot before my eyes had turned to fully regard him. “Is something wrong?” Damn it. Who put the gold fish in my drink? It took him a moment to get started. When he did, it was necessary for him to start with my name again. “Duo, you know that, no matter what happens… I will always be your friend?” Shit. I couldn’t breathe. Had he figured it out? And if he had, was he really ok with it? Could he really forgive me for loving him like I do? There was one thing I knew beyond the shadows of my doubt. His words were sincere and it meant the world to me. Still, all I managed was a small nod that he returned, and then he was gone and I suddenly felt a hell of a lot better! As a matter of fact, I was having a hard time not singing at the top of my lungs. We were ok. That’s all that mattered. I couldn’t stop grinning as I piled back onto my hard, little cot, then I passed out and slept like a rock until the approach signals chimed. Heero seemed in much better spirits as well during docking. We ended up chatting non-stop about Wufei and the ball, and his attempt to blow himself up, and a dozen other things that just came up. I was almost sad when the all clear sounded for disembarking, but Quatre’s shining smile soon changed that. “Duo! Duo! Over here!” he called, waving like mad and grinning like a loon, and there was Trowa standing quietly behind him; his hands in his pockets looking as smug as one of his big cats just after a feed. “Hey, Quat!” I grinned snatching him up in a tight hug. Then I just had to push him back to arms length and get a better look at him. “Man,” I couldn’t help but exclaim. “You look… positively radiant!” And he did. I’d never seen him shine so bright. “Trowa’s been helping with the final arrangements,” he beamed at his companion. I took one look at him and then had to take another. His eyes were anything but empty. They shone actually. I don’t think I’d ever seen that much warmth in their emerald depths before. He was almost vibrating under that cool exterior. What the hell had happened? “Helping?” I hedged, wanting to get a better grip on things but that stupid smirk of his never did much for me in the way of communication. Heero appeared to have gained a wealth of information from it however, and laughed out loud as he hurried us along, and I mean to tell you! I have never in my life ever heard Chang Wufei talk so much before. The guy was like the never-ending sentence all of a sudden. He and Quatre got started on the Sanctum, and the next thing we knew we were at the Winner Estate being welcomed by the house staff. You got that part right? The house had a frigging staff! Eloise, Carmen and Jana, the maids I would later come to know worked as the upstairs, downstairs and guesthouse caretakers. Daunk[1], the gardener as near as I could tell, and a massive man in his own right. Young Tom was a steward, for lack of a better word. Julian the cook, pardon me, chef; and Butch, the chauffer. I called him Butch because I couldn’t possibly have pronounced his given name, but to be honest, I don’t think he was the slightest bit amused by my practicality. Go figure. They were all lined up when we arrived like they were getting ready to present us all with the Medal of Honor just for gracing their home with our presence. Most of them even bowed their heads as we passed. ‘Cept Daunk; or maybe it was just that his head was so much higher than mine it just didn’t show. Trowa never even batted an eye, and Quatre didn’t seem to notice them at all, but I was about to give myself whiplash returning the gesture when Jana tilted her head up and smiled that smile all guys like me fear. It was short lived though and I saw her expression shift from comely to shocked to scared shitless all in the half a second it took for her to drop her eyes again. I didn’t have to look to know what had frightened the poor girl. “Stop glaring,” I whispered low, hiding the chuckle that was bubbling up in my throat. “You’re scaring the help.” Heero didn’t reply, but I could feel his presence close behind me. We were given a short introduction and the spiel on how they were ‘so glad’ to offer their services, then were finally shown to our rooms so we could ‘freshen up’ after our trip. I had to wonder why Heero and I had been put in the same room. I suppose it was just habit dating back to our safe house days, but in that big house it seemed unnecessary. There were two beds though, so I wasn’t going to complain. Freshening up sounded like a pretty damn good idea when I stopped to think about it, but once I stepped into the spa our host considered a bathroom, I knew I was never going to convince that little kid in my head that a quick splash in the sink would do. “Uh… Heero?” “Hm?” he answered, not bothering to look up from where he was rummaging around in his bag. “Mind if I take a shower first?” “Go ahead.” “K,” I grinned, turning back to gaze at the sparkling expanse of pure indulgence before me. “See ya later, then,” I commented and was aware of his head snapping up and the oddly amused expression that graced his features before I was lost to the sinful pleasure of unadulterated opulence. This place had everything! Three sinks. Who the hell needs three damn sinks? The shower was open to the room. No curtain or doors or even a ledge to keep the water in. The floor just dipped slightly tapering down to the drain and seven different showerheads! All of them with a multitude of options for everything from mist to pressure washer. I could’ve stripped paint with the big one. Off to the left was this little closet looking thing with a glass door that turned out to be a steam room and to the right was the coup de grâce. A full service Jacuzzi built for two. I was so giddy I didn’t know where to start! The sauna. Yeah. Get sweaty before ya get clean right? I set the timer for fifteen minutes and cranked that baby up as hot as it would get. It was like heaven on Earth. Or maybe a little slice of the decadent pleasures of hell. I might have fallen asleep lying there in the thick fog that rolled off the lava rocks in the bin on the wall if it hadn’t been for the timer going off. I didn’t want to move but staying in one of those things too long isn’t good for you, so I forced my limpid ass to get up and headed for the shower. There were frigging cabinets in the walls of the thing. Curiosity got the better of me once I’d satisfied myself with playing with the showerheads and I opened the first one to find an assortment of liquid soaps. The blue stuff was just vile. Smelled like something I once saw a cat throw up. The green reminded me of a street walker I knew as a child and the reddish-pink stuff had taurine in it. I’m sorry, but anything made out of bull urine isn’t coming anywhere near my body. I finally settled on the amber blush. It was a soft, sweet scent that reminded me of the sun in Heero’s hair. Like that morning we’d woken together in the wilderness of China and it made me feel kind of warm all over when I washed with it. The second door hid a large variety of shampoo, which I instantly disregarded altogether. I make my own. Rosemary and sage and nettles to stimulate the blood with a touch of lavender. I learned it from an old woman who caught me steeling her cat food one day. She’d taken me inside and fed me a sandwich and taught me how to take care of my braid properly. I recall going back there several times before she passed away. It was a nice place to visit and I picked up some very good tips that I still use to this day. The last cabinet held vial after vial of scented oils and lotions. Each little bottle was a damn work of art. I was almost pained just to pick them up and handle them but hey, they were there. Red was definitely not the color of the day. I almost dropped the stuff when my finger started to burn. Weird shit. My eyes watered on the green and the purple just smelled rank but the golden was pretty nice. It was light and clean and left my skin feeling like brushed silk. I swear, I could’ve lived in that shower for days but there was a Jacuzzi calling my name. By the time I slipped into the hot, gurgling water my mind was convinced I’d died and gone up instead of down. I tossed my hair out behind me and let it drape along the rim and floor so it could dry a little, then laid back and just soaked. I’m not sure when I fell asleep but I’ll never forget the dream. Heero was there. He was everywhere. All around me. I could hear him laughing and it was such a happy sound it made me giddy with delight. There he was, on the left. No, the right. He was playing with me. Teasing me with glimpses of his sparkling eyes. That irresistibly roguish smile taunting me into chasing him willingly wherever he might go. He was calling to me. Beckoning me onward, and I could think of no where else in the entire universe I would rather be than right there on his heels but when I reached for him the tone of it seemed to change. “Duuuuuooooo.” “Mmmm wait... wait for me.” “Duo!?” “What!?!” I gasped realizing suddenly that I had Quatre by the neck and was rapidly pulling him in. I let go so fast I slopped half the water out onto the floor, and splashed him till he was drenched and laughing like a loon. “Shit! S..sorry!” I rasped, trying to calm my raging heart. Shit! Way to ruin a wet dream there, Quat! “Are you alright?” he laughed, shaking the water off his hands. He looked totally ridiculous and I ended up laughing with him. “You scared the shit outta me,” I chuckled. “You kind of did a number on me too,” he returned. “Why the hell are you in my bathroom?” was my next logical question. “You’ve been in here for over three hours,” he informed me, sounding much too smug in my opinion. “Julian will be serving dinner shortly.” “Oh….. sorry.” “Don’t be.” he smiled, drying himself with one of the bed sheet sized towels from the rack. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, but our guests will be disappointed if you sleep through dinner.” “Guests?” I asked catching the towel when he tossed it to me. “Relena and Rashid will be joining us,” he explained. “…….. Oh.” “Wake up and go get dressed,” he chuckled shaking his head. “I’ve left you a change of clothes on your bed,” he told me, then he was tip toeing his dripping self out of my bathroom, and I was left to ponder all that by myself. Relena was here for dinner and… a change of clothes? I’ve got to hand it to the Arabian Tycoon. He knows what the hell he’s doing when it comes to etiquette. I was expecting some stupid monkey suit that the prim and proper would consider acceptable dinner attire but I should have known better. Quatre would never do that to me. He knows me well enough to understand I’d never be comfortable in something like that. It was a very pleasing experience indeed to slip into the red, sleeveless turtleneck and black dinner jacket he’d provided. The pants were slacks instead of jeans, but they were of the Dockers variety and fit like they were tailor made. He’d even found me a pair of the parkside boots I love to wear, and that shit doesn’t come cheap. I knew the items to be the gifts they were, and if they’d have come from anyone other than Quatre, I’d have given them back. But this wasn’t all that extravagant for someone of his station, so I decided to accept them with as much grace as they’d been given. Besides, I felt pretty damn good once I’d dropped my skinny ass in the ensemble. It appeared I’d made it just in time when I stepped out of my own little world and gazed down into the great room that was now buzzing with life. Wufei was there with Sally at his side. Each looking very elegant in the white Chinese dress jacket and medium blue spring suit our host had no doubt bestowed upon them. Quatre and Trowa were talking with Rashid over by the front doors and I had to look through the crystals of the chandelier to get a look at the tall Maguanac’s face. He was laughing at something Quatre had said, making him seem just that much larger than life. Carmen and Jana were making their rounds with trays of appetizers and drinks looking wonderfully professional in their cute maids outfits, then I spotted Heero near the interior doors that led to the dining room and I could have kissed Quatre square on the mouth. He was dressed all in white. Pure and untouched by any other color. Even his lapel flower was an ivory rose. He wore a small bow tie but it didn’t look out of place on him at all and the jacket was cut small at the waist showing off that perfect physique of his. He looked like an angel standing there beside Relena. It took a good long moment for my mind to register that fact but there she was just as pretty as you please in a glistening, ankle length silver gown complete with full-length gloves. She was breathtakingly beautiful. I took a deep breath and stepped out to meet my fate head on. “Duo!” Quatre cried, breaking away from his little group the moment he saw me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Heero turn and for a split second my feet refused to move. He just stood there staring up at me for a time, then slowly he took a step my way and suddenly Quatre was there and I was in motion again. “Duo, you look wonderful” he beamed sounding immensely pleased with himself. “Thanks,” I smiled. “Someone’s got great taste.” “And as charming as ever as well,” he laughed leading me down the stairs. “It’s the company I keep,” I grinned. “Duo,” Heero said softly and I could’ve kicked myself when I blushed at the mere sound of his voice. I damn sure couldn’t look at him then but Sally came to my rescue. “Wow,” she exclaimed wandering up and giving me something to look at besides Heero. “Now that’s what I call a grand entrance,” she teased. The comment shocked me a little and inspired me to glance back up the stairs and I was suddenly reminded of old movies and petticoats. The image of me coming down those stairs did not help the blush. Nope. Not one bit. “Well met indeed,” Relena smiled. Sort of. I didn’t get the impression she was really all that impressed, if you know what I mean. “Sorry,” I felt compelled to offer. “I didn’t mean to take so long.” “Your timing was perfect. As always,” Heero interjected. So much for winning the battle of the blush. “Monsieur Maxwell?” Jana sighed, dipping into a little curtsy while she offered me a drink to go with the bedroom eyes. “Thank you,” slipped from Heero’s throat in such a thin, icy thread I felt myself shiver. Jana dropped her gaze instantly, held her ground until we had all helped ourselves, then I didn’t see her again for the rest of the night. “Cheeky girl,” Relena snipped. “She’s studying to be a nurse,” Quatre informed us proudly. “But I’m afraid her youth sometimes challenges her sense of propriety,” he chuckled, sipping his wine. “She’ll make a much better nurse than servant, no doubt,” Her Highness joined in, and although I had to agree with her, it just felt wrong the way she said it. We were definitely on two different sides of the coin. “Hello, Duo,” Trowa smiled stepping out from behind Quatre for a moment and whoa. I mean just… whoa. Green is definitely that boy’s color. “Hey, Trowa,” I returned, reaching out to shake his hand. But he grasped my fingers instead, bowed down and kissed them and I thought I heard Heero snarl. I must have, because Trowa was chuckling when he drew away and I quickly sucked my eyes back into their sockets and withdrew my hand. The assholes were having way too much fun at my expense. “Where’s Wufei?” I asked by way of a change of subject. “Washroom,” Sally chortled. “He spilled his drink on himself when you arrived.” “Um… Oh…” Shit. What do you say to something like that? “Duo…” Heero began but then stopped. “Yes?” I turned, finally able to look at him. My god, he is just so damn perfect. All except for that inability to articulate. He was just standing there staring at me with his mouth hanging slightly open until I arched an inquisitive brow. “Uh… would you like to...” “Your attention please, Ladies and Gentleman,” Butch sang out. I guess he doubled as butler too. He had managed to not only interrupt whatever Heero was trying to say, but gain the devoted attention of everyone present. “Dinner is served,” he announced formally bowing slightly as he turned aside and offered the assembly the way. “Wonderful,” Relena smiled reaching out to touch Heero’s arm. He hesitated for a moment still homed into my eyes like he was locked on target or something, then relented and escorted the lady to her seat. Wufei reappeared and joined us wearing a very attractive pink tinge in his cheeks and a slightly discolored spot on his otherwise pristine white jacket that Sally grinned widely at while he walked her to her seat. It did not escape my attention that Trowa hadn’t been more than a foot away from Quatre the entire evening, and when he walked our host to his seat, pulled it out and managed to run his hand along the blond boy’s lower back while seating him, I knew Sally had been right. The crazy, insane “I TOLD YOU SO” gleam in her eyes when I turned sharply to see her reaction told me she knew it, too. All Trowa did was smirk and take his seat, but it was obvious he’d done it on purpose. Well shit. No wonder they both looked like they’d found the Holy Grail! Holy shit! YES!! Christ I wanted to jump up on the table and do the happy dance all of a sudden! It wasn’t what I’d expected or planned, but I’ll be damned if it wasn’t the most logical and natural thing that could have happened when I stopped to think about it. They were perfect for each other and had obviously filled in the missing parts of their hearts. Gods, I just wanted to go over there and pinch them they were so damn cute together! Somehow Heero ended up seated next to me instead of Relena, much to her dismay. She sat glaring sulkily down the table most of the night and I found myself making an effort to include her in the conversation since Heero wasn’t cutting her any slack. Not that I could blame him. The girl’s eyes still shone with that obsessive light whenever she looked at him. We spent a good deal of time catching up with Rashid as well. He and his band of Maguanacs were still blindly devoted to their teenaged leader who had enlisted their aid in everything from construction to elite security services. They were to be the main security force at the ball, actually. I made a note to tag as many of the undercover fez heads as I could in the first half hour. It’d be fun to see their faces when they figured it out. We retired to the garden outside the main dining room after dinner and had coffee and these little cake things that were impossibly sweet. I managed to stomach one just to be polite but I’d like to keep all my teeth for a while longer, thank you very much. There was one time there near the end that I noticed Quatre and Trowa were missing and couldn’t resist the temptation to scope them out. It was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen when I caught a glimpse of them in a dark little alcove down the garden path a ways. Trowa had backed the blond into a compromising position, and was doing his best to compromise him right there on the spot. I don’t think Quatre was co-operating to his satisfaction however, because they both kept laughing and hem-hawing back and forth. Once I’d confirmed their budding romance, I left them to their mating games and made my way back toward the party. I hadn’t expected to run into Heero along the way. “Where’re you wandering off to?” I smiled. The night was so nice. There was this light breeze blowing the clouds around that was heavily scented with the aroma of jasmine and gardenias. “Looking for you,” he replied in that simmering tone that tends to make me forget we’re just partners. “What’s up?” I inquired, stopping on the graveled pathway since he wasn’t moving out of my way. “Are they about ready to call it a night?” “I just… missed you” he smiled and… ogoddamn. “Walk with me?” “Uh… sure,” I squeaked, and the bastard laughed at me. I had pretty much come to the conclusion that he’d figured out how I felt about him. I wasn’t quite sure how he was going to handle it, but from what he’d said I didn’t think he was going to throw me out of his life. The situation was uncomfortable, but only due to my own apprehension. I knew things would settle between us given time. I just wasn’t sure why he was seeking me out. We walked together for a time just enjoying the night breeze as he led us deeper into the garden, and when he finally decided to speak it wasn’t anything I would have expected to hear from him. “You were really amazing tonight,” he smiled that little half smile of his that haunts my dreams. Dreams like this. I was having a hard time convincing my mind I wasn’t asleep. “I didn’t do anything,” I snorted, embarrassed by the praise. “No,” he chuckled. “I’m sure you didn’t intend to,” he said turning his eyes upward as he strolled causally along and added, “You never do.” “Relena’s looking good,” I commented but it only seemed to steal away some of his light. He nodded anyway, then paused and stood stock still staring into the sky for a long moment. “Duo.” “Yes.” Shit! Where did that come from?!? That had not been a simple reply to his calling my name. That had been blatant surrender. Even I heard it in my voice, and he damn sure heard it, too, because he jerked around to face me with wide eyes and I just wanted to find a rock to crawl under. However, once again the fates graced me with my out. “Heero! There you are,” Relena smiled gliding gracefully into our little clearing, and for once that crestfallen expression on Heero’s face wasn’t the slightest bit amusing. “What do you want?” he asked her, his tone clipped and tight. I can’t say I much appreciated her interruption either, but there was no reason to be rude. “I… thought perhaps… we could take a walk together,” she told him uncertainly as her eyes took in the fact that she had disturbed us. “I’m sorry,” she offered gliding to a halt. “Am I interrupting?” “No,” I cut in before he could spit out whatever that bitter thing on his tongue was. “We were just finishing up,” I smiled. “You two go ahead,” I added giving Heero my best ‘mind your manners’ glare before I tacked on, “Walk with the Lady, Heero. You have some things to catch up on don’t you?” “Yes,” he suddenly agreed and she brightened instantly. “If you’ll excuse us,” he said, then turned on his heel, offered her his arm and led her away into the shadows. Shit. I mean... Good……. Damn it! Ok. My room seemed like a really good idea right about then, and that’s where I ended up. He needed to talk to her. Face her one on one. If he really didn’t love her she needed to know and if by chance her love was strong enough to change his mind then so much the better. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy. Just like the rest of them. Just like… no. I wasn’t going to start that ‘me’ shit. Not now. Not ever. Heero was what was important. I refuse to forget that. It was late before he returned to our shared room and I found myself feigning sleep to avoid hearing about what had happened. I figured he’d told her the same thing he’d told me, but on the off chance it didn’t turn out that way, I just wasn’t ready to face it. One more night. Just one more night of half believing and then I’d be strong enough. Just not then. Not in the dark with my heart peeled bare in my chest. I couldn’t. It was a great relief when he finally stopped staring at my back and went to bed. I never slept that night. [1] Daunk. A supporting character shamelessly stolen from the movie Crocodile Dundee.
~ * ~ tbc... |
