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"The Wedding Planner"Written By: Snowdragonct Disclaimer: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing or the characters, more's the pity. This is for fun...no profit involved. Warnings: AU, yaoi, some OOC, angst, potential lemon(s), sickening sappy fluff Pairings: to be announced, or it’d be too easy (but you know who I like) A/N: This idea hit me while I was driving somewhere, and I needed to start it before the inspiration faded. But it will take second place to Boot Camp and the sequel to Boot Camp, so I can’t promise regular or frequent updates. It’s probably totally predictable FLUFF, so you have been warned. And I’m trying out the world of first-person here, with point of view shifting between Heero and Duo (maybe others…not sure yet). Rating: NC 17 Summary: Heero isn't thrilled when Relena hires
someone to plan their wedding, but once he meets the young man, he's
downright unhappy. Duo Maxwell is friendly, good looking, and spending
way too much time with Relena...Heero's jealousy knows no bounds.
"The Wedding Planner"
Chapter Forty Nine: No Guarantees Heero’s Point of View He’d said “I love you.” Out of that whole conversation with Duo, all I got was the fact that in his rambling and making of excuses, he’d told me he loved me. I think if I hadn’t heard that one sentence, I might’ve taken what he said to heart and tried to see if I could stand to live my life without him. But, dammit, he loved me. And I wasn’t going to let his insecurity put me off, especially not after my chat with Howard. He was right about some things. I did need to examine my life. I did need to make a clean break with Relena. And I did need to tell my parents I wasn’t going to provide them the heir they’d always wanted. Even if Duo played hard to get, I was determined to have him back in my life. I didn’t bother calling him back. I knew he wouldn’t answer. As stubborn as he was, he was going to force this separation until I could convince him of my resolve. Of course, that wasn’t going to be easy. And I’m not talking about the “convincing him” part. It wasn’t going to be easy telling Relena we were through, especially in such a way that she wouldn’t guess there was more to it than my realization that we weren’t and never would be happy together. She couldn’t know that Duo had a part in that discovery. A part? Until I met him I didn’t know what real joy felt like. So how would I ever convince him he wasn’t the cause of my leaving Relena? Once I settled things with Relena, I had to find a way to tell my parents I was gay. A revelation like that can’t really be done by telephone. I would have to make a trip to Japan and do it face to face, like a man. The trouble was, around my parents, I always felt more like a little boy. Not that they hadn’t encouraged me to grow up. All my life I’d been pressured to grow and excel at what I did. But I’d been pressured to be what my parents wanted me to be; to fulfill their expectations, rather than my own. I figured I’d give Duo a day or two to calm down, and then try talking to him again. I just needed to hear him say that there was a chance for us once I got things in my own life straightened out. I guess I was still looking for that safety net. It was so hard to consider burning my bridges if I didn’t know whether Duo would even give me a chance. Why tell my parents I was gay if the only man I’d ever had feelings for wouldn’t let me be part of his life? Without Duo, there wasn’t much point to it. Wufei came strolling into my office, took one look at my face, and sighed deeply. “You talked to him?” “He called.” “Good. Now maybe you can actually focus on some work.” He tossed a very thick file folder on my desk. “We’ve got another jaunt to Hong Kong. They liked the last proposal so much, they want us to design a security system for their entire corporate computer network.” “When do we leave?” I asked, flipping open the folder and scanning the top page. “I got us a midnight flight on Sunday.” Wufei slipped into the seat across from me. “What did he have to say?” “That we can’t see each other any more,” I said calmly, still glancing over the cover letter. Wufei raised an eyebrow. “You’re taking it well.” I nodded, still clinging to Duo’s assertion that he loved me. “Obviously until I’ve prioritized my goals and made the necessary changes to my life, I can’t have him in it.” There was a wry snort. “Do you mean to say you’re actually planning to go through with all this? Are you going to tell Relena about him?” “I’m going to tell Relena as much as I have to in order to convince her neither she nor I would have been happy in our marriage.” “Good luck with that,” Wufei muttered dryly, sliding the top page off the pile and pointing out the next. “As you can see, we’ll probably need a solid week to design the system they’re going to require.” “Hn.” I glanced over the outline, resisting the urge to scowl. I didn’t really want to be jetting off to Hong Kong right then. I’d much prefer to start getting things settled in my life. I had, in the back of my mind, an image of the life I wanted. I wanted to come home to Duo’s smile every night—to the sound of his laugh and the breathy sound of his voice when he whispered my name in the throes of passion. Even when I’d been dating Relena for a while, and considering the wisdom of making it permanent, I hadn’t had that sort of anticipation. But one day of sailing, a kiss on a beach, a night of lovemaking, and I couldn’t get enough of Duo. Yeah, I had it pretty bad. “Yuy! For crying out loud!” I blinked, looking up at Wufei. “Uh. Sorry,” I said with a flat, insincere smile. “I’m still a little sleep-deprived.” “Sleep-deprived my ass! You’re daydreaming about your—about Duo.” Sometimes it was uncanny how well Wufei knew me. “He said he loved me.” I almost laughed at the expression on my friend’s face. He shook his head. “You’re of no use to me at all today.” He stood up and began gathering the papers. “No, Wufei!” I said hastily, standing up and putting my hand on the pile. “I’ll pay attention. I promise.” I gave him my most appealing look. “I really am sleep-deprived. That has at least as much to do with my inattention as Duo does.” He frowned doubtfully, but settled back into his seat. “You can sleep on the plane,” he promised in a surly growl. “In fact, I’ll personally make sure you do. Meanwhile, if it’s not asking too much, I’d really like your opinion on these figures.” He pointed out the preliminary estimates listed on the page.
When my phone rang just as I was reaching for it, my heart fluttered with hope, and I hastily picked it up. “Yuy.” “Heero? It’s me,” came Relena’s cheery voice. “Relena?” I felt an unexpected twinge of guilt. In spite of her infidelities, I’d never intended to cheat on her, and it suddenly struck home with a vengeance that I had. “How—where are you?” “Still in Italy, silly. But I’m flying home tomorrow.” “Oh. Do you need a ride from the airport?” I asked out of reflex, still trying to adjust my mindset from obsessing about Duo to dealing with Relena. “I’ve already spoken to Pargan. He’ll be there for me,” she assured me. “I just wanted to remind you of our dinner plans for Sunday.” “Dinner?” “At Lady Ann’s.” She gave a little irritated huff. “You didn’t forget about it—?” “Oh, yes, dinner.” I flipped quickly through my appointment book, finally locating the date. Sure enough, I’d penciled in the dinner party at Lady Ann’s mansion. “Seven o’clock?” “Good. You did write it down.” She hesitated for a moment. “We’ll need to leave by six to get to her place by seven.” “I’ll come over first thing in the morning.” “Oh, please! Not before noon, dear. Jet lag—or have you forgotten so soon?” “Sorry.” She was right. I’d belabored the issue when I’d returned from my last two business trips. Now it was her turn. “I’ll be there at noon then.” “Your tuxedo will be here. I had Walter take it to the cleaners this week to be sure it would be ready.” “A tuxedo? For a simple dinner party?” “Ann said to dress formally,” she replied. “She’s probably got other guests as well—and knowing her, they’re most likely royalty.” I sighed deeply, images of my casual meals with Duo forcing their way into my mind. But along with those treasured memories came a fresh wave of guilt. “Relena—.” My mouth went a little dry, and I swallowed hard to regain use of my tongue. “I-I’ll see you Sunday, okay? I should get back to work.” “Of course,” she cooed sweetly. She was always exceptionally perky when she was being wined and dined in her travels, and this was no exception. “Work hard and make lots of money.” “Have a safe trip,” I offered rather wanly. “Love you!” I nearly panicked when the words wouldn’t come. And finally I managed a half-hearted “You too.” When I hung up the phone my hands were shaking, and I suddenly realized what Duo meant about not wanting to take someone else’s happiness away. If I wanted to be with him, I was going to have to hurt Relena to do it. And that idea was less appealing than it had been while my anger over her visit to the Luxembourg Embassy was still fresh. “Fuck.” I stared blankly at my desktop for a few minutes, my stomach churning with guilt and dread. Was this the way Duo felt when he insisted we couldn’t see each other again? No wonder he wouldn’t talk to me. But I still needed to talk to him—especially after talking to Relena. Before I broke up with her, I desperately needed some shred of reassurance from Duo; a promise that he’d be there for me once the dust settled. I wanted to ask him if the “I love you” had been a slip of the tongue, or a genuine statement of his feelings, although I had a feeling Duo never said something he didn’t mean. And if he’d truly meant it, I knew I could do whatever it took to fix my situation so that we could be together. I could talk to Relena after the dinner—it wouldn’t do to show up with her hysterical, now would it? But afterwards, I could gently, but firmly tell her we couldn’t get married…that I had personal issues I needed to resolve. Then I could go to a counselor and work up the courage to confess my sexual orientation to both my parents, and Relena. She’d know the failed engagement was as much my fault as hers, and that would be an end to it. Right? Then I’d be able to offer Duo something more than an illicit affair, or a platonic friendship. But I really needed to hear him say he cared enough to wait for me. If I could only get that small measure of hope, it would make everything so much easier. I figured maybe if I tried him at the office, I might catch him off-guard enough to answer the phone without checking the caller i.d. “Good afternoon, Winning Weddings—Quatre speaking.” Oops. I guess I forgot the part where they shared an office. “Could I speak to Duo Maxwell, please?” There was a momentary pause, and then a wary reply. “May I ask who’s calling?” “It’s me, Heero Yuy,” I told him. “We met at The Circus a few weeks ago.” “Ah, yes, Mister Yuy.” There was a pause—long enough that I knew Duo had told his best friend what happened. “Please, Quatre,” I said urgently. “I need to talk to him. We—I—left a lot unsaid, and he needs to know I never meant for any of this to happen.” Quatre sighed deeply. “Look, Heero. He’s still pretty upset. But not with you. I think he blames himself.” “God—it wasn’t his fault! It was me—all me.” “Do you love him?” I caught my breath at the blunt question, trying to formulate an answer. I was barely able to admit my feelings to myself and to Wufei; I certainly didn’t care to express them to a near-stranger. “I’m not sure that’s any of your business,” I finally managed stiffly. “Of course it is,” came a patient reply. Quatre didn’t even sound offended. “Because I do love him—and I don’t want to see him hurt.” “I have no intention of hurting him—.” “Did you know he went on a drinking binge at The Circus the other night?” I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach—hard. “Because of me?” “Um—yeah,” came the faintly sarcastic reply. “Shit.” “I’ve been keeping him close since then,” Quatre told me. “He’s staying at my place.” “This is all my fault,” I told him. “I showed up at his apartment and—I never meant to—I mean, I wanted to. But I never expected us to—to—.” “To have sex?” Quatre finished helpfully. “Is that all it was? Because if that’s the case—.” “God, no!” “Then I ask you again—do you love him?” “I—I’m not sure what I feel,” I conceded, still not willing to tell Quatre something I hadn’t even told Duo yet. “I’m a little—confused.” “I see.” I could almost picture the shrewd gleam in those blue eyes. “Perhaps you should stay away from Duo until you’re less—confused,” he said coolly. “Stay—? I don’t think so,” I said firmly. “I may be confused as hell—but I know I want to see him. I want to talk to him.” “Yeah—and if that was all you wanted, it’d be okay.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “I knew Solo and Alex. I knew they loved Duo more than the sun, the moon, and the stars. They’d never have done anything to hurt him. Can you say the same for yourself?” “I have no intention of hurting him.” “Ah—see? You used the word ‘intention.’ Of course you don’t intend to hurt him. But in reality, you already have. And you might inadvertently do it again.” “Isn’t it up to him to decide whether to take that risk?” I asked quietly. “Of course. And as his friend, it’s up to me to warn you that if you do hurt him, I’ll make it my personal mission to destroy you.” I gaped at the phone for a moment, feeling a rather irrational upwelling of anger. “There’s no need for threats, Mister Winner,” I said stiffly, emphasizing the “Winner.” I knew perfectly well what kind of legal and financial might Quatre had backing him. “Duo’s like a brother to me,” Quatre pointed out. “Family. What would you do to anyone who harmed a member of your family?” “Probably tear them limb from limb,” I admitted. “But I swear to you, I don’t want to hurt Duo in any way, shape, or form. I—I care about him. A lot. I’m trying to figure out if—how—we could have some kind of a future—together.” Quatre paused and then sighed deeply. “In spite of a lapse in judgment over you, Duo’s a rather highly principled individual. He won’t want to be responsible for breaking up an engagement. Perhaps you should resolve your own feelings before you continue to fuck with his.” Again I was both startled and annoyed by Quatre’s frankness…not to mention the language. “I’m trying to resolve them,” I snarled irritably. “And I’m not ‘fucking’ with Duo. But it would help if I could talk to him. Does he even want to consider a future with me?” “At the moment, I’m sure he doesn’t see a future at all. In his mind—as well as in fact—you are with Miss Peacecraft. And that puts a future with you completely out of the picture.” “But if I knew he wanted one, it would make this all so much easier. I could walk away from Relena in a heartbeat.” Instead of dreading the all-important task of telling her it was over—completely over. “Are you saying that unless Duo’s part of the equation, you still plan to marry Relena?” “I’m saying that if I’m going to hurt her, I need to know it’s for a reason.” “And what reason does Duo provide?” Quatre asked. “I could make her unhappy if I knew it would result in his happiness,” I replied carefully. Quatre muttered a curse. “That’s the problem!” he spat in frustration. “You’re worried about her happiness or his—what about yours? What will make you happy?” Being with Duo—forever. Being able to hold his hand in public…and take care of him when he’s sick…and make him smile and laugh when he’s had a bad day. That would make me happy. “My happiness isn’t the issue,” I said flatly. “Well no wonder Duo’s scared out of his wits,” Quatre said, as if he’d had some sort of revelation. “I have a word of advice, Heero. Leave him alone. Figure out what’s going to happen with you and Relena, without Duo in the equation. Would you have been happy with her if you never met him? Because if the answer to that is ‘yes,’ he won’t ever be able to be happy with you—knowing he ruined someone else’s happiness. He’s too good of a person for that.” The last thing I needed right then was a morality lesson. “I know how good of a person Duo is. Can I just talk to him—please?” I grated out coldly. “He’s not in the office this afternoon,” Quatre told me in a voice that brooked no argument. “But you’ll see him when you go home.” God, did that thought cause a pang of envy! “I suppose I will.” “Could you just tell him I called? Ask him to call me back?” “I’ll tell him,” he conceded, sounding rather weary. “But I can’t promise he’ll call you back.” He sighed deeply. “Good day, Mister Yuy.” Once again I found myself pondering the problem alone. Apparently no one had any easy answers. If I broke up with Relena and then Duo still didn’t want to pursue a relationship out of some sense of responsibility or guilt, it would all have been for nothing. So this was what Wufei meant when he said I stood to lose it all. I could break it off with Relena, only to end up with neither her, nor Duo. But if I didn’t, I’d be in a lukewarm marriage with a woman I now knew I didn’t really love. She’d probably be quite content with it; but I’d be miserable. So should I go through with the wedding to make her happy? Or break it off and make her miserable? Either way, I couldn’t picture either Duo or me ending up happy about the outcome—unless I could prove to him I left Relena because I’d be more miserable with her than without. Honestly, I wasn’t sure. I tried to picture my life with neither Duo nor Relena in it, and it was at best, bleak. I couldn’t say for sure I’d be happier without Relena. And it seemed that until I could, I’d never be able to have Duo.
“This is the third time I’ve glanced in to see you doing the same thing,” he told me, leaning in the doorway and crossing his arms. “I’m—I’m going to break up with Relena this weekend,” I said with more conviction than I felt. “I think.” He raised an eyebrow in return. “Doubts?” “Fears,” I admitted. “It would be a big step,” he agreed. “But perhaps not unwise.” I nodded, grateful for the support. “Good night, Yuy.” “G’night, Chang.” I worked for perhaps another hour before I decided I was wasting my time. There was just no way to keep my mind from dwelling on my problems. I’ve never been one to enjoy uncertainty, and this situation was maddening. I decided to stop at The Circus on my way home to have a drink or two to relax myself. I almost managed to convince myself I wasn’t hoping Duo would show up there to hang out with Quatre and Trowa. But that was complete bullshit. I was desperately hoping he’d show. I mean, shit…the last time I’d laid eyes on him he was in bed looking adorably sleepy and sexy. How he got from that to refusing to see me, I didn’t know. But I did know I was desperate to see him. And I didn’t give a rat’s ass about consequences. I took a seat at the bar, close enough to the door so I could see everyone who came and went, and Quatre’s auburn-haired bartender friend wandered over. “Heero, right?” he asked with a pleasant smile. “Duo’s friend.” I nodded. “Can I get you something to drink?” “Sure…gin and tonic.” He wasn’t the only one who could remember names. “Thanks Trowa.” He brought my drink a moment later, and slid the bowl of nuts over in front of me. “You want something to eat with that?” he asked, nodding at the drink. I took a sip and shook my head. “I won’t be here that long.” “Waiting for someone?” His casual tone made me look sharply at him, wondering if Quatre had told him about Duo and me. But there was no clue on his face as to whether he’d meant anything by the innocuous question. “I’m just trying to unwind after a very, very long week,” I told him frankly. He gave an understanding nod, and then moved down the bar to take care of another customer, and I turned my attention back to my drink. I found myself mulling over the wisdom of what I was about to do. The idea of breaking away from all I’d known up to that point and throwing my life into the hands of Fate was pretty daunting. And I was still up in the air about whether the gains would outweigh the losses. It’s probably the analyst in me that makes me do stupid things like list pros and cons to decide how to resolve a problem. Without a blotter to doodle on, I ended up using a cocktail napkin. I labeled the left side Duo, and the right side Relena, and idly began jotting down things that attracted me to each of them. Wufei had often watched me weigh options in that manner, and he’d have laughed himself silly to see me doing it in this case. I was trying to apply logic where none existed. I was on my third drink, and starting the flip side of the cocktail napkin list when I heard the sound of a clearing throat. “Mister Yuy?” came a familiar voice. I turned my head to see Quatre walking up. He slid onto the next stool over, watching me warily. “What brings you to The Circus?” I could see the suspicion in his eyes. “I’ve kind of gotten used to the place. Wufei and I ate here last week.” I looked squarely at him. “Is that a problem?” “No, of course not,” he said carefully. “But if you’re hoping Duo will show up, you’re likely to be disappointed.” “It wouldn’t be the first time,” I shrugged. “Did you tell him I called?” “I haven’t seen him yet. I left a note.” Trowa came over and Quatre lit up like a Christmas tree, leaning across the bar to steal a kiss. “What time do you get off?” “Two.” “Come over?” “Sure.” Trowa resumed his work, leaving Quatre and me alone again. The blonde-haired man eyed the empty glasses in front of me critically. “Are you trying to take up where Duo left off?” “What if I am?” I challenged, irritated with the way Quatre seemed to feel he needed to protect the man I loved. He shook his head, his expression softening. “Duo wouldn’t want that.” “Then he can come down here and tell me himself.” Quatre sighed, and then pushed away from the bar, muttering something under his breath about stupid, pig-headed fools and people running away from their emotions. He was gone before I could ask just who he was calling “stupid.” I wasn’t about to refute the “pig-headed fool” part. And then sometime later, around my fifth drink and my second cocktail napkin...though I’ll concede my writing got bigger and more irregular with each drink and I probably could have condensed my lists quite a bit…Wufei showed up. “You know,” his caustic voice came from just behind me, making me jump guiltily and turn to face him, nearly falling off my stool in the process. “If you wanted to drink yourself under the table, Yuy, you might have had the courtesy to do it at my place, where I could have shoved you into a guest room instead of having to drive over here in the middle of the night to pick your sorry ass up.” “Blunt as a rock,” I said cheerily. He eyed me as if I were slightly crazy, and maybe I was. “Let’s get you home,” he said firmly. “But it’s early—.” “It’s midnight.” “Oh.” I stood up, only to catch myself abruptly as the room tilted. “Shit. Guess I got a little carried away.” “A little?” He grabbed my arm to steady me. “It’s a good thing I parked right next to the exit,” he muttered under his breath. “Handicapped indeed.” “Hm?” “Time to go,” he ordered, slipping an arm around my waist to steady me. I stopped him long enough to pull out my wallet and throw a tip on the bar, and then obediently staggered along with him out to his BMW. He helped me into the passenger seat, reaching across to grab my seatbelt and buckle it. Then he gave me a deadly glare. “If you throw up on my upholstery, I’ll take it out of your hide next time we spar.” I nodded and was immediately sorry, as the world spun tipsily. Dimly I heard the driver’s side door open and Wufei slide in. “Hey, ‘Fei…how’d you know I needed a ride home?” “Duo called me.” Well, shit. How come he’d call Wufei but not even talk to me? “He said his boss mentioned you were at The Circus and it looked like, to quote Maxwell, you were ‘gonna get shit-faced.’” “Is that all he said?” Wufei started the car. “No. When I asked how he got my unlisted phone number, he said he looked in the yellow pages under ‘Hot Asian Guys’ and there it was.” I couldn’t help laughing at that. It was such a typical Duo comment. And I was still laughing as Wufei backed the car up and started to pull out of the parking lot. But when I thought I saw a black Jaguar a couple of rows over, I darted a glance at the door of The Circus just in time to see a familiar slim figure slip inside. Shit, damn, and motherfuck! tbc... |
