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"Diary of a Protected Witness"Written By: Snowdragonct Disclaimer: Don’t own any part of Gundam
Wing or the characters, more’s the pity. This is for fun...no
profit involved. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU , yaoi, swearing (lots), some OOC
(probably), violence, drugs, sex, Pairings: 1X2X1, 3X4, 5XC, (past 2X3X2, 6X2) Summary: Ever wonder what was running through Duo's mind at certain points in"Witness Protection?" Here are snippets of his point of view...a companionfic, that will not rehash the entire plot, but offer a new perspective ofcertain events. A/N: This fits with chapter thirty four of Witness. " Diary of a Protected Witness"
Dear Diary: So…the first thing I usually do when I’m confused or scared (yes, I’ll admit to occasionally being scared—get over it!) is run to Trowa. As I said before, he’s got an amazing ability when it comes to reassuring and calming me down. And he’s a truly great listener. I had to slip down those stairs quietly, not wanting to see ‘Ro before I had a chance to pick Tro’s brain and figure out what to do and how to act. I mean, shit—I woke up alone, which is usually a bad, bad sign on a “morning after.” Granted, Heero probably had cop stuff to do; but he might’ve at least given me a quick kiss or hug, or something to let me know he wasn’t going to pretend last night never happened. I guess that’s what I was really afraid of—that he’d push me away again. Hey, he’d done it before. There was definitely a precedent set! I hoped that the tenderness he’d shown the night before wasn’t just a passing thing. It was so different from our first time. I wasn’t sure which lover was the real Heero Yuy—the wild, lustful one, or the passionate, caring one. I was kinda hoping for a combination of the two, if ya know what I mean… “We need to talk, Tro’. I’m in seriously deep shit!” I blurted, interrupting a really hot kiss between him and his sexy blonde boyfriend. (Hey, they’d better be boyfriends after christening the hot tub the way they had!) Trowa just looked at me with amusement in those deep green eyes. “You mean ‘love’ don’t you?” “Agh! No! Yes! I mean, I don’t know!” I tugged him away from Quatre, lowering my voice to a harsh whisper. “I can’t be.” “Whyever not?” he said with aggravating calmness. “He’s a cop,” I pointed out. “Nobody’s perfect.” “And I haven’t gotten over Zechs yet.” “A new relationship might help with that.” “Everyone I love dies, Tro’!” I tried in desperation. Now my friend just looked offended. “I’m still alive,” he pointed out. “Does that mean you don’t love me?” I glared. “You know better. But it’s not the same—.” Trowa smirked at Quatre, who was remaining singularly silent and neutral during our frantic conversation. “Wanna pour Duo a cup of coffee? I don’t think he’s fully awake yet.” Quatre moved over to the coffee machine to comply, and I tugged at Trowa’s sleeve. “I really need to talk to you alone,” I said quietly. Then I raised my voice a bit, and gave Quat an apologetic smile. “No offense, counselor, but I gotta borrow your boyfriend for a few minutes.” “No offense taken,” he said with a tiny smile, handing me a steaming mug of coffee. I grabbed it and started hauling Trowa towards the door. “What the fuck, Shini?” he hissed. “When I looked in your door last night, you looked like you were in Heaven. What went wrong?” “I woke up alone, for starters,” I grumbled. He rolled his eyes and sighed, letting me drag him along. “Wanna talk out on the deck?” I shook my head. “Not far enough. You know how good Yuy is at eavesdropping.” I looked out the window at the gleaming blue lake. “The dock!” I decided. “C’mon, Tro’.” “Okay, love,” he relented, pausing at the doorway to the living room and giving Quat an apologetic shrug. “Be right back?” “Take your time,” suggested the lawyer. We made record time passing through that room, and I kept from making direct eye contact with Heero as I called out that we’d be down by the lake. Once Trowa got with the program and matched his pace to mine, we made our way to the little wooden dock and walked out to the end, where I could sit and dangle my feet in the chilly blue water. “All right,” Trowa said, his tone warm and soothing as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me up against him. “Tell me all about it.” So, I did. I told him about the nightmare, and waking up with Heero there, and how very tender and caring he’d been. I told him the way I felt in Heero’s arms wasn’t like anything I’d ever felt before—that I was afraid it was something I couldn’t live without, now that I’d experienced it. And I even confessed to the fear that if I actually let myself fall in love with Heero, something awful would happen to him…like Zechs and like Solo. “I think it’s too late for that,” Trowa told me, shaking his head. “I think you’re already gone, Shini. You can’t control your feelings, you know. They are what they are.” “But everyone I love—.” “We’ve been over that,” he said firmly. “Not everyone you love dies. It happened twice. And yeah, it was awful, and you got hurt. But you still have me, and the kids at the orphanage, and other people you care about. And we’re alive and well. Don’t sell Heero short. He’s very capable—very good at staying alive.” “Not if I say I love him—.” Those green eyes pinned me with a knowing look. “Not saying it, doesn’t make it go away.” “And what if he doesn’t feel the same?” I pointed out, using a new line of logic. Or maybe I was looking for another out—who knows? “I think he does.” “But if not—.” “What’s the worst he could do? Go back to being the stone-cold cop?” “Well—yeah.” He shook his head. “I don’t think that will happen, love. And even if he tries to act that way, you know he feels something. He proved that last night, didn’t he?” He had a point, and so I nodded. “At the very least, you know he’s attracted to you, and that he cares. Even if that’s all it is, it’s a start.” “And what about when I go into relocation?” I moaned, picturing a long, miserable life in which I’d never see those deep blue eyes again. “One step at a time,” Trowa said soothingly. “Aren’t you the king of ‘living in the moment?’ Well, this would be a very good time for that. Just take each day as it comes. Enjoy Yuy’s company while you can. You know he’ll break down again and let you close; he’s done it twice already.” He tightened his grip around my shoulder. “You could be in protective custody for a long time, Shini. A lot could happen. Don’t count on having to go into relocation until it happens.” “Okay,” I sighed, giving up the fight. I mean, shit. No matter how much I fought it, I was already in over my head when it came to Heero. I already felt more than I wanted to—more than I dared admit—to anyone but Trowa, anyway. “Y’wanna head up to the house?” Trowa suggested, standing and brushing off the seat of his pants. “Naw—you go on ahead,” I told him, my gaze lost in the swirling depths of the lake as I tried to figure out what to do next when it came to Heero. “I like bein’ by the water. Helps me think.” He patted my shoulder. “Don’t think too hard,” he advised. “Just let it happen.” Easy for him to say, I thought, as he walked away. He’d fallen for a nice, charming, openly-gay lawyer—not a stubborn, dedicated, still-in-the-closet cop. I sighed, kicking lazily at the water and watching the way the droplets flew and spattered onto the surface. Sure, Trowa could tell me to relax—but that didn’t make it happen. I thought back to the night before last, when Heero’d been flirting with me in the kitchen, and I’d told him maybe I’d never found anything I wanted so badly before. God, wasn’t that the truth? Much as I’d wanted Solo back, after he dumped me, I don’t think I’d ever felt the kind of raw need for him that I was beginning to have for Heero. And as for Zechs, well, he’d pursued me. When he died, it hurt—deeply. But I never felt that I just couldn’t live without him. In spite of going off the deep end right after his funeral, I didn’t really want to follow him into death. But after Heero woke me from my nightmare and then just blew me away with his gentle and thorough love-making, I couldn’t imagine how I’d cope if he ended up dying while protecting me. And if I went into relocation, knowing he was still alive somewhere, I thought I might just go nuts. I mean, shit. I’d had a taste of him, and I was hooked worse than I’d ever been on drugs. “Fuck me,” I sighed, putting my face in my hands. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I really didn’t want to be so—invested—in a guy I wasn’t sure wanted me for more than a short-term fling. But then, it’s not like I had a choice. My heart had already made its choice. And did that make me a louse? I mean, Zechs hadn’t been dead a month yet, and I was already craving someone else’s touch more than I’d ever wanted his. Had I not really loved him? Then what had it been? Lust? Affection? Had I only been attracted to his power? Fuck no. Zechs had taught me so much. He’d taught me how to cook, and taken me to art museums and the ballet. I’d learned how to dress and act in a five-star restaurant. Hell, he’d even made me learn a silly little duet on the piano with him. There’d been real feelings there—on both our parts. Why, then, was I so sure that if Zechs were still alive, and I’d met Heero some other way, I’d still have been drawn to my blue-eyed cop more than to my crime lord lover? There was just something about him; something about the way it made my heart leap when Heero looked at me with desire in his eyes. I only knew that no one had ever made me feel the way he did…not Solo, not Trowa, and definitely not Zechs. It felt like making him want me was the most important thing in the world. Like earning his respect and love was my whole reason for existing. How fucked up was that? I mean, shit, I’d always had a strong sense of “self.” And yet, I’d probably have done anything Heero asked, just to please him. I was beginning to wonder if I was losing my mind. All I could hope was that I wasn’t alone in the way I felt. Fortunately, it didn’t take long for me to get my answer. ‘Ro stayed behind with me while the others went off to shop, and when he showed up on the dock, I just had to push a bit. We ended up having a conversation about “us,” which was pretty good—especially when he admitted the sex meant as much to him as it had to me. Hearing that directly from him made two-thirds of my anxieties melt away. Then he just swept me off my feet—literally and figuratively. He kissed the shit out of me, peeled me out of my shirt and got me to drop my pants—and then the fucker threw me into the lake! Yep. Turns out “immersion therapy” is his chosen teaching method, and he’d decided to teach me how to swim. Asshole. Adorable asshole. Once we were both wet, and he’d warmed me up with some truly breathtaking sex, he actually got into a sort of teasing mood that was just—awesome. I’d never seen him so carefree and open with his emotions as he was while he taught me to swim. And repeatedly fucked the daylights out of me right there in the chilly water of that lake. Shit, the guy had stamina. And talent. And the hottest body I’d ever had the privilege of touching, licking, sucking…um, yeah. You get the idea. At any rate, we ended up sunbathing nude on the dock. And out of the blue, he said it. “I love you.” I think my heart must’ve stopped for a few seconds there. And I wished like hell I could say the words back to him—but I was afraid—afraid he’d die like Solo and Zechs had, afraid he’d change his mind, and desperately afraid he’d die protecting my worthless hide. Oh God, I didn’t know what I’d do if that ever happened. So I covered my fear by sidestepping the answer. “You mean it, don’t you?” “Hai.” Not that I could speak Japanese or anything, but I got the gist of it. “I gotta be the luckiest guy on the face of the Earth.” And right then, that’s exactly how I felt.
tbc... |
