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"Thousand words"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, angst, fluff, Lemon, OOC Pairings: 2x1 Summary: Duo and Heero have to share a dorm room
in college and they become best friends. When they discover that neither
has time for, nor interest in a girlfriend, they explore a friends
with benefits relationship. But sex never remains uncomplicated. " Thousand words" Nine "You are getting your asses handed to you out there! You're dragging yourselves back and forth across the court and you can't keep up, they are dribbling circles around you! Literally!" The coach made a lot of dramatic hand-gestures as he screamed at during the fifteen minute break between the second and the third quarter, as we cowered in the locker rooms, trailing behind the opposing team by a discouraging thirty-three points. "And what about those butterfingers?" He demanded, his face an unnatural shade of red. "I haven't seen any one of you hold on to the ball for more than ten seconds!" I rolled my eyes at the exaggeration but wisely kept my mouth shut. The humiliation was part of process and had been since Hartford became coach to the basketball team, even though it had yet to translate into successful game-play. "And you throw and catch the ball like you are a bunch of fucking fairies, every single one of you!" Coach Hartford piled on the love, taking a moment to glare at all of us – those who still dared to look up at his seething face at that point. "It would be funny, if I was the coach of the Rattlers. But I'm not, I'm stuck with you guys and it's painful to watch your laughable attempts to score." Obie softly nudged me. "He's really ripping us a new one…" He whispered. Before I could flash him a grin in response Hartford honed in on Obie, stomping over to the bench where we slouched, shoulder to shoulder. Spit flew everywhere as he demanded: "Excuse me? Do you have something to say?" Obie steeled his nerves and bravely remarked: "All you had us do was run laps. It's no fun anymore. We are about as motivated as cattle at the slaughterhouse." Behind the coach I saw heads nodding in agreement. On some tired faces eyebrows were raised in surprise at the defiance. Obie continued, seeing as Hartford was too angry to even speak: "In a couple of months we are all going to get the fuck out of here. We never thought we could win regionals, let alone the state competition, but we had fun. Now that it's not fun anymore, it's not anything. It's just time wasted." The coach took a deep breath through his nose as a vein in his forehead throbbed angrily. "If you can't be bothered anymore… Then by all means, leave." Obie shot a look my way. "Get out!" the coach yelled. "You're off the team!" He pointed at the door to the hallway. At that moment the referee came in through the door connecting the locker room to the gym. He stopped dead in his tracks at the undeniable tension in the air that was thicker and heavier than the stench of sweaty socks and armpits. "Fifteen minutes are up," he announced and then immediately backtracked his steps out the door. "You can go, mister Bane. You will no longer be playing for this team," The coach stated definitively. "I'm sure one of the sophomores will eagerly replace you on the court." Obie demonstratively took off his jersey and threw it at Hartford as he got up from the bench. "Fine," he sneered. He ripped open his locker and grabbed his sports bag and his coat and then stormed off, shouting over his shoulder: "Enjoy the rest of the season." And then he laughed, knowing that if we lost this match – which we were about to – the season would be over. "Any other quitters amongst you?" He turned to look at all of us, challenging us. The word 'quitters' momentarily froze me. My dad always called me a 'quitter', accused me of never seeing anything through – not the things he wanted me to do at least. I didn't want to prove him right by quitting the team now, even though I wanted to, but then, in a split-second, I realized there was only one thing worse than proving him right and that would be living my life according to what he wanted, as opposed to what I wanted. Determinedly I got up on my feet. Hartford slowly turned around and looked at me. "You're a disappointment, Captain. I can't say I'm surprised." "You're a disappointment too, coach." I shrugged my shoulders. "No one here is surprised at that." Following Obie's lead I cleared out my locker and promptly left, chasing after my friend. My heart was beating wildly, I didn't regret my decision yet, but I did worry that someday I might. Mostly though, it was just a painful reminder that things came to an end; this life I had – this college life – was coming to an end. I thought about the things that I wouldn't be doing anymore, once graduation came and the people I wouldn't be seeing anymore. Heero's face came to mind unbidden. "Obie!" I called, when I spotted him about to exit the building through the back doors. "Wait up!" He stopped in the door opening and waited for me to catch up while he slipped into a gray hoodie. "You too, young grasshopper?" He asked with a grin as I joined him. "Like you said, we were never in it for the success and now it's just not fun anymore. With you off the team I have no reason to stay." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and guided me outside. "I'm flattered that you are so in love with me," he joked and then darted to avoid my fist heading for his side. His laughter subsiding he wondered, as we walked along, "So what now?" "I don't know. I guess we check if there are any openings in the marching band." He laughed again. We slowly made our way back to the dorm buildings with ours bags slung over our shoulders. In the distance we could hear cheers coming from the gym. The Rattlers had brought along two bus-loads of supporters. Our team struggled to fill even one row of the bleachers, even at a home-game. Most of those had not come to cheer us on, but to laugh at the most despicable college basketball team ever. In a way we were famous, we made college newspapers all over the state; when you are notoriously bad, your reputation precedes you. The only person who ever came to cheer – who always came to cheer – was Heero. WuFei used to make a point of showing up at most of my games too, sitting next to Heero at the top of the bleachers making awkward small-talk – because they both suck at making small-talk -, but those days were over. Nowadays Heero sits alone at the top of the bleachers, probably feeling like a fool being the only one there to actually show the team support. "Duo!" Speaking of which… Obie and I stopped halfway back home and turned around. Heero picked up his pace to a swift jog to catch up with us. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you playing?" He asked when he joined us and the three of us continued towards the dorm buildings. "We quit the team," Said Obie, almost proudly. Heero looked at me with questions evident in his eyes. "It's true." "Oh." I chuckled and said to Obie. "He's usually more eloquent than that." "Really? Single non-word responses sound about right to me," my tall friend replied dryly. Right, I thought to myself. Most people didn't know Heero the way I knew him. They didn't know that he could put on endless monologues if he felt passionate about the subject. Or that he made bad jokes on purpose because it made me laugh anyway. Or that he always recognized when it was best not to speak and he'd just lean his head against me. They also didn't know that he gave a stellar hand job I looked over my shoulder at Heero, quietly trailing behind us, deep in thought, and I smirked at him. He cocked an eyebrow. Inside Building B Nash was sitting at the dinner table with a handful of friends from other dorms or off-campus and they were sharing a joint, the evidence of which they poorly tried to hide when they heard the front door open. They swatted the air to thin the white smoke, but when they saw it was just us they started laughing and one of them offered the joint to me. "No thanks." Nash took the joint and held it out to my Japanese roommate. "Heero?" Heero just walked away, heading upstairs without saying anything. The group burst into laughter. Obie joined them and started to tell them about what happened at the game. I stayed briefly adding my input to the report, then I followed Heero upstairs. I found him in his desk chair with his cellphone to his ear. Knowing that he was calling home and that I would have some time to kill, I started to gather up a fresh set of clothes and a towel for a long, hot shower. Just as I left the room, the call was answered and Heero started to talk in Japanese. I stood in the doorway for a few moments, listening to the foreign words. I couldn't understand a word he was saying, but his tone of voice spoke volumes. I softly closed the door to give him some privacy and headed for the bathroom, shaking my head at the uncontrollable laughter coming from the living room. I took my time dozing under the hot spray and lazily soaping myself up. When my body was relaxed and my skin was cleaned and warm, I decided to give myself an extra treat. I turned the water hotter still and started jerking off, unabashedly attempting to mimic the exact techniques Heero used on me. Even though the ministrations of my dexterous fingers were dead-on, I had to admit that it didn't feel quite the same and I wondered what it was that he did that somehow made it feel so much better. Inadvertently the image of him jerking me off came to mind. Whereas previously I had been unable to masturbate whilst picturing him, we were way past that point of awkwardness and the sudden mental image didn't hinder me in the least. In fact, to see him kneeling on the shower floor with his hand wrapped tightly around my erection and his lips so close that it made me thrust my hips forward trying to reach them, added more intensity to the sensations that flooded me and it came closer to what I experienced during the actual encounters that we had shared. When the imaginary projection of Heero looked up at me with those big, exotic eyes, his name slipped past my lips and waves of semen were shot against the glass wall of the shower stall I was leaning my forearm and forehead against to balance myself. "That's a first," I noted with mild shock as I reached for the showerhead to rinse off the glass wall. I wondered if it was normal for me to be masturbating to the thought of him, even given the unusual friends-with-benefits situation. I got out of the shower and sat down on the edge of the bath tub to towel dry my hair while my legs steadied after feeling so shaky just before. Once I had dried myself off I got dressed and hung the towel around my neck. With my long hair loose I got a lot of attention as I walked past the living room. At the whistles and catcalls I paused in the hallway and pulled down my pants to moon them, earning me a roar of laughter that made me smirk. Hey, it's college, I figured as I climbed the steps. We all experiment. Some with drugs, others with masturbating to the image of their best friend – among other things. I opened the door to find Heero pouring over textbooks, a little surprised that he got off the phone already. He always complained about having to ask his dad for money to afford the lengthy, long-distance phone calls to his grandmother in Japan. "You okay?" I asked, noticing the tension in his back. He shrugged and didn't answer me at first. I stared at the back of head, waiting for him to give in, which I knew he would – I had that effect on him, he once confided in me. Sure enough, after a few silent moments he sighed and put his pen down. I watched as he rubbed his eyes and then ran his hands through his hair, still keeping his back turned towards me, purposefully, I assumed. "She was having one of her bad days," He finally explained with a small voice. "She's been having those a lot," I commented, then thought that maybe I shouldn't have. I didn't want him to feel worse than he obviously already did. "Yeah," He agreed forlornly. "She is usually better in the mornings, but this time she didn't remember me at all," He continued softly, "And when I tried to explain to her that I'm her grandson, it just got her more and more upset. She didn't understand. She ended up just hanging up on me." I sat down in the chair next to him, taking in his defeated posture. "I'm sorry." He shrugged and tried to brush it off. "It's fine." "How's your mom?" He chuckled bitterly, "Still a bitch. She wants me to come home, work at the diner full-time, help pay for grandma's care. "This college thing is taking too long" she said. She just doesn't get what a dead-end that would be. She doesn't get that I'm trying to be better than that, exactly because I want to help take care of my grandmother." Not knowing what I could see to help him feel better, I just leaned forward, resting my head against his shoulder. Heero snorted. "You're stealing my move," He observed comically. Eager to change the subject, he said: "I want you to sign these." He pushed two drawing I had made of the 'Gundam' my way. "I don't want to hand them in and pretend I made them. It wouldn't be right. And you deserve the credit. These are… art." I smiled at the compliment, though it was a bitter reminder that my 'art' had never been good enough to get me into any art school. "Are you sure? Won't it get you in trouble?" "I made a drawing myself that I'll hand in as well. I don't think I'm going to get into trouble about handing in an artist's rendering as well, as long as I'm honest about it. Might even score me bonus points," He winked at me. I was momentarily taken aback by the gesture but shook my head and accepted the pen to sign the drawings with a signature I had come up with as a young kid, scribbling it on the lower right corner of all my 'art'. "Can I see the drawing you made?" His cheeks flushed a little red. "Don't laugh okay? I'm going to have anxiety attacks about this for weeks to come as it is." "I won't laugh," I promised sincerely. He reached for a pile of papers on the corner of the desk and pulled out the bottom sheet and turned it over to reveal it to me. I pulled the piece of paper towards me and scrutinized the pencil drawing of the 'Gundam' in a straightforward pose, with its wings folded out. "Oh God. You're not saying anything." Heero scrunched up his face. "I'm speechless." "That bad?" He questioned cautiously. "That good!" "Really?" The relief was evident in his voice. "Yeah!" I assured him genuinely. I stared at the image, a little sad that the project was over. One more step closer to the end. To Heero graduating and going back to Japan. "Thanks." I looked up at him. Surprised at how close I found his face to be to mine. Heero bundled up the drawings and neatly put them away with the blueprints and thick report on the technical aspects of the design. My gaze was drawn to his lap, to the way his dark, casual jeans bulged over his groin and creased in the juncture of his thighs. I felt my dick stirring in my own pants at the thoughts and desires that came to mind. It had only been a few days since we had last exchanged blowjobs but Heero didn't seem too opposed to increasing the frequency, the time before that we had also only allowed a few days to pass. With it becoming less and less awkward, now that Heero was on board and at ease, I wanted it more and more. And even though I had just relieved myself in the shower, I wanted it again. The heady rush was addicting. Boldly I placed my hand high up on his thigh, drawing his attention to me instantly. He was increasingly less shocked whenever I initiated it – and I was always the one to initiate it. But he grabbed my wrist to prevent my hand from traveling further up his muscled thigh. "You just took a forty minute shower, there is no way you didn't jerk off in that time." "I did jerk off," I replied crassly, "But it wasn't as good as when you do it. Let alone as good as when you suck it." I smirked at the widening of his eyes. It was still pretty funny to shock him like that, although I also appreciated that I didn't have to spend several minutes talking him into it every time anymore. All the persuasion it took this time was: "Don't you want to celebrate the completion of your project?" His hand slipped away from my wrist and he widened his legs slightly in a mute invitation. I placed my other hand against the back of his chair to support myself and prevent myself from getting off balance and then I moved my right hand up his leg to cup and massage the bulge at the center of his groin, feeling it harden and grow under my palm. His strained moans were delicious. After torturing him for a while I was about to free him from the denim restriction when his heavy voice asked me: "Did you lock the door?" My fingers stilled on the button of his jeans. "Shit, right." I got up, adjusting my own erection in my underwear and took the three steps to the door to lock it. When I turned back Heero had gotten up on his feet and was taking off his pants. I hovered by the door and watched him push the rough fabric all the way down his legs, along with his underwear and then step out both. I closed the distance between us and grabbed the hem of his shirt. "Take this off too." Without waiting for approval I lifted up his shirt and worked his limbs and head out of it as he questioned: "Why?" I didn't really know. I just knew that I wanted him to be naked. Deciding against that brutally honest and potentially dangerous answer I didn't say anything and instead distracted him from further seeking the answer to his question by forming a tight tunnel around his arousal with my fist and pumping him. Heero let out a gasp and his hands appeared on my shoulders to steady himself. We both panted and watched as I jerked him off with long, hard pulls. It was pretty exhilarating to feel the soft skin of the hard member in my palm. It was even more exhilarating to have him in my mouth, I knew. It was like an incredibly erotic, kinky, deep French kiss. I would never admit to liking the sensation, but I did. Sometimes I wished I could ask Heero if he was experiencing the same things I was – to gauge if what I was feeling and thinking was normal – but I didn't want to risk freaking him out if anything I told him was abnormal and too much for him. "Sit down," I ordered. I scraped my throat at how uneven my voice came out. Heero obliged and sat down in his desk chair, his legs spread so I could kneel between them. A few licks at the head of his erections to rid him of his last inhibitions and coax more noises out of him and then I took him into my mouth. With each downward thrust I pushed my lips down further until I reached my fist at the base of his arousal. Heero buried his fingers into my hair, seeking some semblance of control but he had no choice but to surrender to the pleasure. He threw his head back with a throaty moan. I had my left hand wrapped firmly around the base of his dick, but my right hand started to wander. First I stroked it up and down his smooth thigh, enjoying the quivers of the strong muscles. Then I caressed his abdomen and worked my way up to his chest. If he wasn't – yet – willing to allow for foreplay, I was going to have to push the boundaries while he was in no state to argue. Eventually I found a nipple and teased the already hard nub with my thumb. Heero hissed but after reactively arching his back I felt him looking down at me. I pretended not to notice and continued sucking him off as well as stimulating his nipple, alternating flicking it to rubbing it between my thumb and forefinger. I knew girls liked it, although they hardly ever returned the favor. I supposed it wasn't very masculine, but it was worth a shot and his responses were definitely encouraging. As I had predicted, he didn't argue. And I continued to pretend not to notice his fingers tightening in my hair and his cock hardening in my mouth at the special attention paid to his chest. I could tell he was getting close. It amused me that I was able to tell, but the tightening in his thighs and abdomen and the shift of tone of his moans were unmistakable. When a loud knock sounded on our door we both tensed up. Even more so when whoever it was tried the doorknob. I released Heero from my mouth, figuring this would be the very unsatisfactory end to that night's extracurricular activities, but Heero's hands wouldn't release my head. I looked up and swallowed at the expression on his face; his eyes clouded with passion, his cheeks flushed, his lips parted. In spite of his concerns about anybody finding out about our highly unusual arrangement, he didn't want me to stop. "Guys?" Nash's voice sounded through the door. "Fuck off, we're busy!" Heero called with deep voice. "Jeez, relax. I was just gonna offer ya a beer… keep your panties on…" Nash continued to mumble drunkenly – and not to mention high - as he moved away from the door. "Please don't stop," Heero begged in a whisper. Rather unceremoniously I took his erection back into my mouth, as much of it as I could. With my own dick painfully hard in my sweatpants I had no choice but to give up on touching his chest and slip my hand into my pants and underwear to give myself some relief until it was my turn. I moaned around Heero's arousal as I stroked my own. It was the last push Heero needed. With just enough time left to warn me he came into my mouth, calling out my name with each wave of his orgasm. Good thing the walls were pretty thick, I though with a grin – as much as I could – whilst busily swallowing his passion. That wasn't bad at all, I thought. I sat back and waited for him to recuperate sporting a pretty cocky smirk as I watched him. I had no qualms admitting to myself that he was quite a vision, with his back arched and his head thrown back, his nipples still hard and his softening dick at the apex of his legs, resting against his stomach. "You swallowed it," He stated dumbly as he came to. "Yeah. I figured: what the hell. Damn near choked on it though, it was a lot." I smiled mischievously. He was still too dazed to appreciate the joke. "So where do you want me?" I challenged. "Stand up." I did and paused to strip off all my clothes. I stood in front of him and Heero leaned forward in the chair, bringing his face close to my groin. "It's was pretty funny how you told Nash to get lost," I remarked lightly. "Shut up." "Why? It's not my mouth that is going to be preoccupied with something else." I chuckled but the sound soon hitched in the back of my throat when he suddenly wrapped his lips around me and sucked fervently on the head before taking in more of my length. His hands gripped my hips strongly to keep me from instinctively thrusting into his hot mouth. It seemed that even though my mouth was free to talk, all I could do was moan and, at best, utter his name in appreciation occasionally. The hold on my hips tightened, his fingers digging into me hard enough to leave bruises but he had to; the urge to give into wild abandon and just fuck his mouth was overwhelming. It was then I knew for sure that I wanted to have sex with him eventually – the last smidgen of doubt going up in the flames of the fire that was concentrated between my legs. As pleasurable as these oral exchanges were, they were mostly very controlled and contrived and short lived. I longed to know what it would be like to take our time and 'do it all' and completely lose ourselves to the sensations. Of course in the fantasy that overcame me in that moment I was the top and Heero was the willing bottom. If it would ever get that far, positions would undoubtedly be cause for discussion. In the same way we fought for the top bunk each year. Just as I found it impossible to visualize myself as the 'receptive one' – let alone enjoying it – Heero, as a lifelong straight guy like myself, must have similar preferences. But in the moment none of that mattered, I reminded myself and I forced my eyes open to look down at him. I tilted my head to watch, enthralled, at his lips encircling me, moving up and down my shaft. "Ohh, baby." His eyes flew open to look up at me. Realizing my mistake I hurried to explain breathlessly. "Sorry, it's just a slip-up, it's instinctive." Mercifully he didn't stop. Unlike with his hand jobs, his technique with his mouth wasn't very imaginative, yet it made me feel hotter than any girl could. I put my hand on the back of his neck. "I'm close," I grounded out. When my orgasm came it felt like I exploded into his mouth. My hips bucked against his resisting hands. I could see his throat working to swallow the load that was pumped into him and it was hot as Hell. Once it was over he released my hips and I struggled to find my way back to the empty chair before I would topple over from the intensity of the climax. "That," I breathed with a silly grin, "was fucking hot." I ran my hands through my hair and chuckled. Heero got up and gathered his clothes from the floor and started to get dressed. I decided not to mention that he was half hard, after sucking me off. I didn't want to embarrass him. So I just quietly enjoyed it in my head as I inconspicuously watch him put his jeans back on. It made me feel like a fucking sex God, that even a straight guy could enjoy my dick so much he gets aroused, even after he had just orgasmed. "What's with the stupid look on your face?" Heero threw my shirt at me. "Nothing," I replied innocently. I leisurely put my clothes back on. Heero sat back down at the desk and pulled a textbook out towards him, flipping it open on a more or less random page, it seemed, trying to look aloof and cool. "So… you think it's too late in the school year to try out for other sport teams?" I started, not really sure yet when it was okay to start talking to him like he was my best friend again, not the hot mouth I wanted to bury myself into. It was a delicate balancing act of which I hadn't really figured out the finer points yet. He looked up at me. "Why? Do you regret quitting the basketball team?" "Nah. I just don't want to get fat, that's all," I rolled my shirt up and pointedly looked down at my abs. "Show off." "Oh, like those tight swim jammers aren't you showing off?" I poked him in the side. "They are for-" "Hydrodynamics," I finished for him. "I know. You fill them out nicely though." He made a face and then buried his nose in his textbook. "Hey, what about the swim team?" "What about it?" "I could join," I suggested jokingly. "No," He answered curtly. "Why?" "Because we actually stand a chance at winning. We are not going to let someone on the team whose most recent swimming experience was nearly drowning in the bath tub last year." "Hey! In my defense, I was really drunk that night!" "Well, since then you have only ever taken showers. That's all I'm saying." "Fine, okay, not the swim team then." I agreed with a smile. I observed him for a few seconds and then I wondered: "We're doing alright, right?" "What do you mean?" "The friends-with-benefits thing. We're cool about it now, right. I mean, this feels pretty normal." He looked up briefly in thought. "Yeah, I guess so." "Yeah?" "Yeah. We're cool." "Cool." I was relieved. The last thing I wanted was to ruin this last year that we had together. Screw basketball practice, I would much rather spend time with Heero. "Hey, how about we put together a little basketball meet every week ourselves? Obie and I could rally up some buddies and just enjoy the game." "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. The team sucked, but I always thought you were pretty good." "Thanks. You could play too," I suggested, hopeful. Heero looked at me with his eyebrows arched. "I'm like three feet tall, between you and Obie and the rest I would get trampled. Besides, those guys are your friends, not mine." "Oh come on, you clear four feet easy," I joked. "And maybe if we all shot some hoops together, we could all be friends." "Look, I just don't like them. We've been over this." He sounded a little annoyed. I sighed. "Right… But maybe if you would just try to like them…" I whined. It would be so much easier to spend more time with him without it being suspicious if he and the guys would just get along so we could all hang out. "I liked WuFei." I made a face. "We've been over that too." "Well, then drop it." "Fine," I snapped childishly, sitting back with my arms crossed in front of my chest. "Fine." He blew his bangs out of his face, exacerbated, then turned his attention back to his reading. I started laughing. I couldn't help it. Even when he was frustrated with me and I was frustrated with him, he still gave me the 'warm and fuzzies' and in all honesty it was just funny to see him scowl and pout like that. Heero threw his gaze up to the ceiling. "You are so fucking crazy." I started laughing harder, moving my arms down to hug my shaking stomach. He stared at me incredulously, but my laughter must have been infectious and he couldn't resist forever. The first chuckle burst out of him like a sudden cough and then he laughed with me. "We really are like a fucking old married couple," I managed. "Actually, I think we have sex more often than most old married couples do," He replied. His comment surprised me. It was the first time he had made such a crass but casual remark about our arrangement. It also momentarily threw me that blowjobs did, indeed, count as sex – they don't call it 'oral sex' without reason, genius, I thought to myself. It was just easy to forget that sometimes because, as a guy at least, you're always so preoccupied with attaining that higher goal; 'the real sex'. "We are cool," I stated. "Yeah. I told you we were. But give me any more grief about not liking those asses of friends of yours and I'll bite next time." After the initial cringe I started laughing again. Along with Obie I organized two small teams to play basketball on the outside court every week as often as the weather allowed. We weren't bothered much by the increasing cold, but rain and snow could really cramp our style. It turned out we didn't suck that bad when we actually gave a shit and were having fun. In the beginning I did feel conflicted about hanging out with the guys when Heero clearly didn't like them and I did wonder if my time would be better spent with my best friend. After all, these dudes weren't leaving the country for good in a few months. But my inner dilemma was solved when, about midway through the third math I spotted Heero taking a seat on a park bench behind the chain-link fence lining the concrete basketball court. He was dressed in several layers of clothing and a thick coat and still he must have been freezing his nose off, but he showed up dutifully each week, like he had for my official competitions. I, personally, was never cold anymore. We both ignored the jokes about 'my wife sitting front row and center', by then we had accepted that our friendship was clearly beyond what most college men could understand, but as long as the remarks were nothing but playful banter we were cool with it. My usual response to tell them off was an inside joke for us. "Suck my dick!" I would yell back at them in response to the catcalls. They never got why Heero laughed so hard in reaction to that. The jarringly coarse bark was a sharp contrast to my frequent, quiet begs to Heero. "Suck my dick," I would whisper after we had fondled each other through our pants. The words were the same, but the feeling couldn't be more different. And Heero wouldn't laugh at me either. As we did it more and more often, the realization that I wanted more became increasingly overpowering. It wasn't necessarily 'real sex' that I longed for, what I wanted most, which caught me completely off guard, was the desire to kiss him. I blamed my wicked brain for getting so caught up in how good his lips felt on another body part of mine that I wanted his lips against my lips. Irrational, accidental synaptic crossfire as it may have been, the desire was very real and undeniable. Sometimes, when he went down on me and I grabbed his neck, I actually had to resist the urge to pull him off me and to pull his face towards mine to kiss him deeply. I had to resist because I was afraid of how it would throw off this careful balancing act we had going on between being each other's friend and being means to sexual relief for each other. We were in such a great place; our friendship was as strong as it had ever been and at the same time the oral sex was amazing, uncomplicated and often. Though it was always up to me to physically initiate the exchange it was unmistakable to me that Heero dropped subtle hints when he wanted it and all I had to do was pick up on those and follow through to make it happen. I'd have to be an idiot to ruin such a sweet deal. However, having my urges go unheeded like that only made them grow stronger; longing because yearning. Every day I was closer to being that idiot. I could feel it. I couldn't keep it from happening forever, my body wanted what it wanted. It was only a matter of time before the ecstatic state in which his lips on my dick left me would cause me to be that idiot. I made my way through the snow to the library after looking for Obie in the cafeteria to cancel that afternoon's game. I had a selection of three sandwiches cradled in my arms but I nearly dropped them because I was shaking so much, having cockily left my winter coat in my room and opting for a denim jacket instead. With my shoulder I pushed the door open and let out a sigh as I relished the warm air that enveloped me. "Damn misses P," I said to the librarian as I walked over to her desk, "Mother Nature is being a bitch today." "Language, Duo," she warned me motherly, if not for the following wink. "Oh, I think today's selection allows me an X-rated vocabulary. Tuna, salmon and… Australian Crab melt." "Hmm, fishy. Crab, obviously." "Obviously." I handed her her favorite sandwich, a low price to pay to be allowed to eat in the library and to have our own permanent private study room. She took a bite. "Mm. You know me too well, Duo. Go ahead, cuss all you want." "Why thank you, milady," I bowed. "Milord," she responded and made a curtsey behind her desk. I headed towards the back of the library to our regular study room. It was quiet in the main area, traffic wouldn't pick up much again until the next wave of exams came near. A janitor was quietly decorating the top shelves of the towering bookcases with Christmas lights. I followed the dark, narrow corridor all the way to the back and peered through the window at the familiar sight of Heero sitting at the large table with books and papers spread out in front of him. "Wazzup, homie?" I said upon entry. He furrowed his brows. "It's fly, homeboy," He replied awkwardly. I laughed and threw him one of the sandwiches. "Salmon, am I right?" "What was my other option?" "Tuna." "Yeah, salmon." He tore off the plastic and took a big bite. "How was dinner at your dad's last night? I didn't hear you come home." I pulled out a chair next to his and dropped myself down onto it, throwing my feet up on the table. "Our chess match ran a little longer than planned. We had to start over again." "Ah, you were winning." "I'm always winning," He stated matter-of-factly, "but I never actually get to win because that is the only thing he can control by knocking over the board every time he finally realizes that I am, for a fact, winning." It was clear that he was agitated so although I wanted to show my support, he would probably appreciate it more if I dropped the subject. "Did the grades for your design project get posted yet?" "Not yet. They should be up by the end of the day though." "Worried?" He shrugged. "Not really. If he had a problem with your additional design input he would have let me know already. I'm pretty confident in the technical aspect of the project. What about your grades?" "B's all across the board. Except for Math though." I dulled down my voice to feign disappointment. "Yeah?" Heero looked at me with empathy. "Yeah, cause I fucking aced that son of a bitch!" "Really?!" Heero exclaimed enthusiastically. "Duo, that's great!" "All thanks to the world's best tutor." I bowed my head to him. "Well, I may have helped you, but I wasn't there looking over your shoulder during the test," He said, boosting my confidence. "I'm really happy for you, Duo." His genuine smile was mesmerizing. Shit, I thought, I want to kiss him. I shook my head to snap myself out of it. "Thanks buddy, I appreciate the vote of confidence." "Sure." "So, do you have any plans for Christmas?" It was better to keep the conversation going than to have him fall silent and end up staring at him. "My dad is probably going to blackmail me into a Christmas dinner…" He said with a shrug. "What about you?" "The same as every Christmas. I am 'cordially invited' to join the family at the "Maxwell Ranch" for a week of forced festivities with estranged family members and a select number of my father's business men that he likes to give a special, warm feeling, to butter them up so they will accept whatever poor deal he will offer them in the New Year," I grumbled. "You could come with me. Could get you out of dinner with the old man." Heero snorted. "After what you just told me? I think I'll take my chances with the old man, maybe even let him win a chess match to put him in a good mood." He chuckled bitterly. "Guess that makes me no better than your father, but "buttering up" is a sound strategy." "Maybe… but by God, you should see him when he gets like that. Inviting them to show them the grounds like he is the fucking king, walk them by his stables and name the prize winning horses. The man only likes animals when they are prepared by a chef and served to him with a side of salad and an old red wine. He has no soul. He would uninvite me if could, but he knows better than to rub my mother the wrong way like that, or she'll be less than cooperative when the honored guests arrive… Best to have his darling wife on her best behavior and seat me at the kiddie table where my stupidity won't harm his business deals." "You could just not go," He suggested. "Wish that were true. But you and I are not so different. You owe your dad because he pays tuition. It's the same for me. The bastard pays for 'this joke of an education'." I took a deep breath to compose myself. I muttered: "I'd much rather spend the Christmas holiday with you." "Me too…" I nodded slowly and looked down at my fingers, fidgeting with the hem of my sweater. "Do you think you'll ever come back to the States, after the school year is up? For Christmas or Thanksgiving or something?" "Maybe…" My heart throbbed. "Maybe? That's a very non-committal answer." "Well, I was thinking that you might come to Japan… you are the one that can afford it, after all." He said softly, his thumb plucking at the corner of a page of his book. "I'd show you around, introduce you to my grandmother." I smiled, but it was still bittersweet. I didn't really believe in long-distance relationships, including, but not limited to, friendships. "I'd like that." "Yeah?" "Definitely." "Cool. It'll be fun. I won't go down on you, but it'll definitely be fun." I let out a hearty laugh, but it died down when I recognized the look in his eyes. "Then I guess I should get it whenever I can." I rose out of my seat and pushed his books aside, clearing the surface of the table in front of him. I hopped on and looked down at him suggestively. "What? Here?" He inquired, his perplexity nothing more than a formality I assumed. "Yeah. You used to do it here all the time, right?" I placed my hand over my crotch, already starting to get excited. Whenever he was game, I was game. "But then if I would get caught it wouldn't be as bad as getting caught with you." I rolled my eyes. "Have you ever been caught?" "No." "So what are the odds, you reckon, that we'll get caught now?" "Pretty insignificant, I suppose." "I agree." I popped open the button of my jeans. "But-" He was interrupted by the sound of me lowering the zipper. "Come on, this is where the magic happens right? The original Heero-Yuy-sexual-experience." "But-" "Tell you what, when it's your turn, I'll lick your balls too. You like that, right?" His face turned red. He scraped his throat. "Uhm… yeah." I pulled my half-hard dick out of my pants and with a few strokes I was fully aroused. I didn't pause to ponder how abnormal my growing sexual attraction to Heero was becoming. "Please," That and gentle pressure applied to the back of his neck was what it took to persuade him. He was tentative at the start but soon got into the routine. I placed my hands on the table's surface behind me and rested back on them, shamelessly watching him move his head up and down, watching myself disappear into him. It was thrilling. I guessed because having a guy go down on you just has the kinky built in. Whether it was normal for me to feel that way, I wasn't sure. But I wasn't going to ruin a good thing by over-thinking it. Besides, how weird could it really be? Is it really that strange to enjoy getting sucked off, or wanting to kiss the mouth that gives you so much pleasure? A guy's mouth is no different from a girl's mouth. It's not like I wanted him in particular, but he was just there and he made it easy, so my desires were naturally redirected to him. For those feelings to evolve into the desire to have sex with him wasn't that much of stretch. It wasn't really what I had in mind at the beginning of the school year when I thought to myself that I wanted to enjoy Heero as much as I could before it would be too late, but in hindsight I certainly was enjoying it. He pulled back to pay special attention to the head, kissing it and licking it. I stared, my mouth open with harsh breaths. I watched the pink tongue dart out and tease me. I watched his open mouth running along my shaft. As incredible as it felt, all I could think was that I would happily sacrifice that pleasure in exchange for a hot kiss. "Heero," I said softly. With my hand I cupped his jaw and made him look up at me. With a red face he stopped his actions. Clearly embarrassed, he asked: "Am I doing something wrong?" "No, it's perfect…" I breathed. I can't, I shouldn't, I thought to myself, yet the word slipped out of me "But…" Heero straightened up. "But?" It was going to happen, I knew it as soon as I watched him lick his lips. I was going to be an idiot. I quickly leaned forward – what force powered my body, I didn't know, but it was eager and determined – and I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck to bring his face closer to mine. His expression was riddled with confusion at first, perhaps only there to mask a quiet acceptance. But when our noses touched his entire body flinched and he jerked away from me. Knowing that I had some serious amending to do, I started right away: "Heero, I'm sorry." "We agreed. No kissing," He stressed. He looked shocked and betrayed. That made me frustrated. I had never liked the "no kissing" rule to begin with and had only agreed to it to placate him. To me it felt unnecessarily unnatural to skip kissing altogether and just head straight for the groin. So then, bitter, more than anything, at being rejected and not getting what I wanted, I said with a groan: "Seriously Heero? You just sucked my dick. How much more intimate are you afraid it can get?" He glared at me. "We agreed!" He repeated. "Yeah, you said that before. Now give me a real reason." He was taken aback by my insistence. It was evident that my own determination to get my way only made him all the more combative. "I just don't see why we would do that," He started adamantly. "It's too weird, it's too intimate. We are just friends, 'helping each other out'. There is no additional pleasure in kissing, so it is not relevant to our arrangement." I snorted. "And what kind of additional pleasure does you going down on me bring you? That is way more intimate than kissing, what does that 'do for you' to make the intimacy justifiable?" Heero got up from his seat, with sharp, angry movements he started collecting his books and papers. "What are you doing?" I demanded. "You are right," He snapped, "We've been way too intimate already. We should just stop." He stuffed everything into his shoulder bag and then stormed out the door. "Wait, Heero? You're seriously going to leave me here like this?" I gestured down at my lap, where, in spite of the fight, my dick was still standing at attention. The definitive answer was him slamming the door shut behind him. That sure made my arousal wither quickly. "Fuck!" I exclaimed. I hoisted up my underwear and buttoned up my jeans as fast as I could and ran out the door, grabbing my bag along the way. I knew that if I didn't fix my mistake soon there was no fixing it at all. "Duo, no running in the library!" The librarian called after me as I shot out the door into the cold, white world. Across the campus yard I saw Heero heading into the main university building. I hurried after him. Once I was inside the building I rounded a few corners, looking for him and then I found him leaning against the wall in the hallway by the door to Auditorium A, early for his lecture. "Heero," I called out and approached him. Heero appeared irritated at the fact that I had followed him. He pushed himself off the wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest as I closed the distance between us. "Heero, I'm sorry," I started. He pointed an angry finger at me. "This was supposed to be uncomplicated." "I know, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." "You can't just change the rules whenever you feel like it. I need to be able to trust you," He hissed. "I know, I know. And you can, I-" I was interrupted by the amused conversation of a group of girls as they seemed to come out of nowhere and then walked past us. Their giggles faded into silence at the intensity of Heero's glare. I searched the surroundings for a more quiet place to talk and then grabbed his arm and dragged him to the janitor's closet, which I knew to be unlocked – I liked pulling my girls in there too. In the dark, cramped quarters I finished: "And you can trust me. I'll follow the rules, I promise." When my eyes adjusted to the lack of light, I became worried at our closeness. The small janitor's closet where I had had many hot, hurried meetings between classes with my girlfriends, probably wasn't the best choice I could have made for this particular conversation, I realized in hindsight. "So you won't try it again?" "I won't. Honestly, I don't even want to, I don't know what I was thinking," I lied, wanting only to assure him. I truth I ached to push him back against the shelves and ravish his mouth. "You don't?" "No. I don't want to kiss you." I swallowed. My heart was beating so loudly that I feared it might betray my lie. "Good. Stay in here for a while," He ordered, "The last thing I need is for people to see us coming out of here together." He pushed the door open and swiftly slipped out. "So we're cool?" I called after him, my voice a little shaky. He shrugged. "Yeah, sure I guess." He shut the door, leaving me in the dark hole-in-the-wall. I heaved a deep sigh and leaned back against the metal shelving. "What the fuck is wrong with me?" I asked the dirty mop, propped up in the corner. "I'm losing my fucking mind."
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