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"Thousand words"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, angst, fluff, Lemon, OOC Pairings: 2x1 Summary: Duo and Heero have to share a dorm room
in college and they become best friends. When they discover that neither
has time for, nor interest in a girlfriend, they explore a friends
with benefits relationship. But sex never remains uncomplicated. " Thousand words" Eight I looked appreciatively at my own reflection and fussed about my hair. Every wild strand had to be just right; just the right amount of wayward, hanging haphazardly in front of my face. I ignored the fact that the strands were annoying my face. It was just perfect, right like that. The attire was spot on too. My light blue jeans fit snugly, the way he preferred them. I had managed to find a near identical twin to the green tank top he favors in informal social situations and I went with a darker denim jacket on top. He usually had the tendency to dress more… exposing than this, but I had to wear something on top to hide my hair – tied in a loose ponytail - under and keep me warm in the cooling air of late October. I reached over to retrieve the finishing touch from the desk. I tilted my head back and popped the colored lenses into my eyes. The irritation was mostly eased away after a couple of blinks. I faced my reflection once more and nodded with a very un-Heero-like grin. "Looking hot," I commented to my mirror image and all of a sudden I observed him making a face. Given recent changes in our friendship 'hot' was kind of a laden term to say in the current context. I had planned this outfit months ago. I couldn't quite remember when, but I must have been hammered when the idea came to me: this year I am going to dress up as Heero for Halloween. Perhaps it would have been better if I had changed costumes, now that things were a little awkward between us. Things get like that when one friend goes down on another. It wasn't like it disrupted our friendship, but it exposed everything under a magnifying glass and I did worry what Heero would think upon scrutinizing this outfit of choice. I was worried he was going to read too much into it. The reason I decided to go through with after all was because one of us needed to break the tension and just step out onto the eggshells with heavy boots and shamelessly crack a couple. We never used to tread lightly around each other. One of the hallmarks of our friendship was honesty, I wasn't willing to lose that. Someone tried the doorknob of the dorm room but discovered it to be locked. There was an anxious knock on the door. "Duo, let me in!" Heero called. His laugh coming through the door eased away my previous concern at his hasty rattle on the door. In three steps I was at the door. I unlocked it and swung it open. The vision in the doorway was shocking to say the least. He pushed past me and pulled the door from my grip to slam it shut. It seemed he hadn't even gotten a good look at me because he had yet to make a remark. "I just had to shake Hilde off my tail," He commented and then let out a breathless chuckle. He looked up at me with quizzical eyes as my silence persisted. "What?" Then finally the visual input must have registered. His jaw went slack and he exclaimed: "Oh my fucking God!" He looked me up and down, my tight jeans, my green top, my denim jacket and my short, chocolate brown hair that sprung every which way. "Amen to that!" I shouted back. My gaze started at his beat up sneakers, nothing suspect there, but then they traveled up long legs in dark jeans, a torso clad in an imitation-silk button-up shirt with a long auburn braid draped down the front and my gaze settled on his violet eyes. After an appropriately awkward silence we both burst into laughter. "You look ridiculous!" I said between violent laughs as the effects of Heero wearing a clearly female wig started to sink in. "You mean you look ridiculous!" He shot back, gasping for breath himself. "Where did you find this monstrosity?" I reached out to grab the end of the synthetic braid. "I saw it in a storefront in Japan, some cosplay store or something." He reached up and ruffled 'my hair'. "What about this thing?" "I just cut off the end of a dirty mop." "Oh, ha ha," He replied sarcastically at my lame joke. I smiled at him, happy to have my concerns be washed away. Now I could enjoy the night as I always did. Every year a group of students organized a Halloween party. It was mostly just another excuse to get drunk and – most importantly – dress up like idiots, other than that there was nothing even remotely Halloween-y about this party, but every year it was a blast anyway. "We are going to look like complete fools," Heero voiced his concern. I was already tugging him to the door in anticipation. "That is the point of the party. Come on." On our way to the gym where the party was focused – though it tended to dilute onto the fields and the dorm buildings – we passed some troll faces, a pokémon, a couple of lego-men and a variety of American presidents. I waved hello at a particular Nixon, I was pretty sure that guy was in one of my classes. In the hallway we were stopped by a regrettably familiar voice. "Heero!" Heero shot me sideways glance. "I knew I should have dressed up in something that involved a mask." Relena approached us with a confidant stride and a seductive sway of her exposed hips. Clearly the fall cold did not factor into her costume design which was an admittedly well-executed princes Leia. As much as I disliked Relena she definitely rocked the iconic gold bikini, complete with collar around her neck and dangling chain. Needless to say, all the boys feasted on the sight of her shapely curves and creamy, pale skin. "You guys gave your costumes some thought," She noted with a smile once she reached us. "Actually, it was a happy accident," I informed her. "Will you excuse us?" As good as she looked neither one of us was in the mood to indulge her in conversation so we walked past her in unison. A few steps removed from her I turned around and called: "Don't slip anything into my drink, it's just an illusion!" Gesturing at the wig and the contact lenses in my eyes. She huffed indignantly and stormed off. The music grew louder as we neared the gym until the volume became deafening upon entry. People had gathered to form a large crowd, most were jumping to the beat of the music, others were surrounding the beer keg. Princess Leia walked up to us. A different princess Leia this time. With my elbow I nudged Heero in the side and nodded in the direction of the famous Star Wars character, barely able to contain an eruption of laughter. Heero was not so successful, a single laugh involved in a serious coughing fit at the hilarious sight. "I don't know what to say," I said to the princess when she joined us. "It suits you, Nash. The chest hair really completes the fantasy." The young man grinned, pleased with his costume, identical to Relena's only he was receiving stares and evoking agape mouths for different reasons. His unnaturally colored hair was covered by a brown wig with the hair twisted into the famous buns. The neon yellow of tennis balls peeked out of his bikini top. And the full length of his hairy legs were exposed with the draped cloth hanging between his legs. "Has Relena seen you yet? She is wearing the exact same thing. She's going to bust a vein." "I haven't had the pleasure of the confrontation yet. I knew she was wearing this, it was partly why I decided to as well." He looked us up and down with the sudden appearance of a frown. "What are you guys, a lesbian couple?" "What? No. I'm Heero and he's me," I explained. I thought it was pretty clear. "No, I mean, are you guys, in real life, a lesbian couple?" He chuckled. "Dressing up like each other." "We didn't plan it. We thought it was pretty funny," I defended. I dreaded his comments would make things weird between me and Heero, ruining the night. "I think it's pretty gay- Oh, Relena just walked in, see you girls later." Nash darted off, leaving me with the wreckage that he left behind. Trying to make light of Nash's accusation, I joked: "Can you believe this, a guy in a bikini calls us gay." I glanced at Heero, noting the thoughtful and doubtful look on his face. Great, I grumbled inwardly, this was going to set me back. "Let's go get a drink." "Maybe we should just go. It is kind of gay that we are dressed up as each other." I made a face at him. "Thirty minutes ago you thought it was pretty funny." "Well," he paused to throw suspicious glances around us. Nash's remark had made him nervous of other people's opinions. "That was probably naïve. It's for the best if we not draw attention to… this," he emphasized that last word and finished with a grimace. "First of all, 'this' isn't us being gay-" Heero glared at me and urged me to quiet down. "Because we're not gay," I continued with lower volume. "And second, no one is going to suspect anything, because 'this' doesn't mean anything and therefore it won't show. Besides, what's the big deal, people always joke that we are like a gay couple. Granted, this is the first time someone compared us to a female gay couple, but still." I chuckled. I wasn't worried that people would seriously come to think we are gay, because that wasn't the case. I was pretty sure that if I took to the stage, grabbed the microphone and told everybody that I gave Heero a blowjob, I would just get a roar of laughter and a lot of: 'good one's'. "Are you really afraid people think that we dressed up as each other because we're in love with each other?" "I just think we should be careful," He hissed. I offered him a smile. I recognized that the situation caused him a lot of concern even though I didn't share those feelings. I supposed that it should be scary. Few people would understand the arrangement that Heero and I made. Most people, even our friends, would judge us. But I wasn't worried about our secret being exposed. "Let's just go get that drink." He reluctantly followed me to the beer keg where he watched me poor a beer for myself and then he grabbed one of the empty cups and left for the restrooms to get some water. Truth be told, I thought to myself as I watched him leave with uncomfortable, stiff movements, the only thing I was really worried about was that he would call it off. I found the whole agreement incredibly exciting and I surely wasn't disappointed with the pleasure I felt when he jerked me off. It was wrong, but, as would be the case for many young guys, that only made it all the more exciting to me. And I just loved having something to tease Heero about, although for the time being I had to tread on eggshells or else this could all blow up in my face. "Oh, I get it. You're supposed to be Heero." With a sinking heart I turned to face Hilde, dressed up as a zombie with torn clothes and dark circles under her eyes. We shared a love for horror movies, one of the many things that connected us as friends, but none of it enough to make a relationship work. "Then I suppose that's a cup of water?" She nodded to the red plastic cup in my hand. "I'm not that dedicated to the costume." "I guess Heero is dressed up as you?" I nodded and took a sip, hoping Heero would come save me soon. I didn't feel like making a scene at the party. I had been in a good mood, I didn't want to put her in the position to ruin that. "I thought I saw a guy with a long braid cross the campus before, it took me a little while to realize he was too short to be you." Her gaze redirected past me. "Speaking of the devil." "Hi, Hilde." Heero gave her a curt nod as he came to stand beside me. "Hey, Heero. You look great." "I figured you'd think so," He replied dryly and hid a smirk behind his cup as he brought it to his lips. She briefly glared at him, then turned her attention back to me. "I have a ballet recital next week. You've always encouraged me to keep dancing, I thought maybe you would want to come." Part of me yearned to be friends with her again, but most of me was still overcome by the hurt that she caused. So I said: "No, thanks." "Can't we just try to be friends again?" "No," I replied adamantly. I cursed inwardly, aware of negative feelings stirring, heating up and knew they would inevitably bubble to the surface. She looked down at her feet. "I'm really disappointed that you won't even give it a try." "Don't pin this on me!" I said with raised voice, causing both Hilde and Heero to snap their heads up at me. "I'm sorry," She whispered, then winced when I started to yell at her. "You're sorry? Goddammit! Every time I hear you say that it just gets me more pissed off! You know why? Do you? Do you?" I demanded, leaning in. She seemed to shrink into herself. "No," She meekly replied, fearful eyes turned to Heero hoping he could calm down my rage to her benefit, perhaps hoping to find in him the old friend that she once knew and he was dressed up as. "Because those damned words don't mean a thing! They don't change anything! They don't change the past and they don't change how I feel right now! Do you know how I feel? Do you?" She bit her lip. "Pretty bad?" "Pretty fucking bad!" I informed her with increased volume and menace. "Duo, calm down," I heard Heero say softly to my side as my screaming started to drown out the music and draw the attention of the crowd surrounding us. "No, no I won't fucking calm down," I said without breaking my angry gaze away from Hilde's shamed face. I knew that if I would turn my head to look Heero in the eyes, his stare could subdue all my anger and I didn't need that right now, I needed to be angry. It felt so good. "I hate you!" I was surprised at the coarseness of my own voice and the rawness of my emotion. I thought I had moved past that stage of the grieving process, but with just the simplest, most innocent trigger words she could pull me right back into that mindset, where nothing felt more alike the promise of healing than to just loathe her and scream at her. That was the only thing that could offer any relief at times like that. "What is going on here?" A classmate of both Hilde and I said, interrupting my bitch-fest. He stepped in between us, shielding Hilde from my rage with his muscled torso and broad shoulders. I chuckled bitterly. "Right. I am the bad guy here." Hardly anyone knew what had happened between Hilde and I, as Hilde never disclosed her 'pregnancy' to anyone other than Relena and I only ever cared to tell Heero and WuFei at the time. To the entire student body I was Hilde's psycho ex-boyfriend, who goes off on her for no reason every time he sees her. I had been tempted to tell the truth many times, out of anger and spite, but each time something stopped me; the memory of a friendship that once was. As her former friend I wasn't going to lower myself to her level of evil. I wasn't going to make her life horrible just because it could benefit my situation. "Duo, I'm sorry," Hilde repeated, from behind the tall man's back. "Stop saying that!" Our fellow classmate stepped into my personal space, looking down at me with nostrils flared. By all means it was clear he was ready to do what it would take to protect the damsel in distress. "Back. Off." He said and punctuated each word by poking his index finger into my chest. That really got me going. The abnormally-tall-steroid-case might feel confident given his size, but whether or not I'd be able to win, I had no reservations about socking him in the face. "Touch me again." I challenged. "Please." I felt a splayed hand against my chest, not the Big-and-Tall-posterboy's, but Heero's. His other hand was against my challenger's chest and he pushed us away from each other. "That's enough," He said definitively, fixing his chilling glare on the other guy. "We get it, you are both big, big boys. Now tuck your testosterone back into your pants and go play with your friends," He commented dryly. His tone left no room for argument and more than made up for his height disadvantage. "Just don't make another scene," My opponent said as he started to back off. "Leave Hilde alone." Said girl looked at me with sorrowful eyes for another moment or two before she walked away. The crowd that had gathered around us started to dissipate. "What a fucking asshole," I snapped, but after a deep breath or two my anger had lost its edge. I looked down at Heero's hand, still on my chest. My heart rate sped up a little again. I hoped he hadn't noticed. I didn't need for things to get even more awkward between us. "Thanks, but I have it under control now." He dropped his hand down to his side. I took a large drink from the beer I was still holding. "Great," I mumbled into my cup. "My mood is now officially ruined. She still gets to me." I looked at Heero when I felt his comforting hand on my shoulder. "If you want to get stinking drunk again, I'll let you, this once." He said, hoping to cheer me up. "Nah. Let's just get out of here, get out of these stupid wigs and work on those 'Gundams'." Heero frowned. "Wouldn't you rather party?" "You'd think so, but; no. You know, most people dread graduation because of all the friends they are going to miss, but these people don't mean anything to me. So why waste any time on them when I could be spending time with the one person I am going to miss?" I looked down at him poignantly. "Is that a compliment or are you finally admitting to the fact that I'm the only bridge you haven't burned?" "A little bit of both?" I offered him my trademark grin, hoping the conversation won't get directed towards my falling-out with WuFei, also known as 'the-other-bridge'. Thankfully he must have figured that I had endured enough confrontation for the evening and demonstratively pulled the long, braided wig off his head and ruffled his hand through his hair, returning to it its usual, wild appearance. "Let's go." Together we left the gym. I ignored the stares some people were given us as we left the much anticipated festivities early. I hoped Heero was able to ignore them too. He had been far more on edge about the recent 'addition' to our friendship. I could tell he was having doubts, I didn't want anything to reinforce those thoughts as I had secretly been looking forward to a continuation of our odd, necessity-born agreement. Our initial exploration had been over a week ago and I realized it was probably time to discuss the proposed frequency of our sexual-relief-program. I didn't want judgmental - although for other reasons – stares to complicate matters. Once we had returned to our dorm room after a short walk through the brisk evening air we both started stripping out of our costumes, both getting rid of the irritable contact lenses first. Heero unbuttoned the imitation-silk shirt, shrugged it off his shoulders and then undid his black jeans and stepped out of them, unaware that I was watching his reflection in the closet-door mirror that I was facing. I absentmindedly pulled my shirt – resembling Heero's favorite shirt – over my head, then, more than anything, toyed with the button of my tight, worn jeans. "Can I ask you something?" Heero wondered out of the blue. My whole body flinched, I felt like I got caught with my hand in the cookie-jar, like he had noticed my eyes going up and down his back as he stepped into a light grey pair of sweatpants. "Sure." I left on the jeans and instead covered up my torso by slipping into a clean white shirt and leaving it at that. I was expecting a conversation that I couldn't sensibly have while simultaneously undressing. The last time he wanted to ask me something, he asked me if I was still thinking about having sex with him. The answer had been yes. The answer was still yes. Heero turned to face me. His expression was not accusing, like he had caught me staring, as I had suspected, but rather it was thoughtful, curious, and with a hint of concern in the twitch of his frowning eyebrows. "You still get so upset with Hilde. Every time I think you are over it something like tonight happens." When his pause continued unexpectedly long I shrugged and pointed out: "That's not a question." "No, what I wanted to ask…" He briefly hooked his lower lip behind his teeth in contemplation. He fixed his piercing blue gaze on me anew and asked: "Are you still so upset because she lied to you about being pregnant, or because she wasn't pregnant?" I tried to brush it off with a casual shrug and a grin. "What do you mean?" I sat down in my desk chair and pulled the sketches of the Gundam we had been working on out of my map and meticulously aligned them on the surface of the desk. "Are you upset because she lied or are you upset because now you don't have a baby?" I sighed. I didn't know how to answer his question, but when he sat down in his chair and tilted his head, looking at me with a sympathetic expression, I realized that I had already given an answer. "I thought you were upset because of the deception, not because of what you essentially lost. I thought you were relieved. You had to quit your whole life because of it. I thought you were relieved that you didn't have to turn your life upside down." I nodded slowly. "That would have been true in the beginning." I absentmindedly fingered a folded corner of the paper. "But by the time she confessed it was all a lie, I was at that point – that emotional point – that I would have happily quit my life for this new life." I finally looked at him with vulnerable and partly ashamed eyes, because I had gotten so caught up the deception. I felt so stupid for having bought it all, hook, line and sinker, even when – in hindsight – there were signs that should have caused me some suspicion. Her refusal to tell anyone but Relena. Her not wanting to go to a doctor. Her not making any arrangements regarding school. Her not doing anything about that apartment that she said could be made available for us. I turned my whole life upside down and dared to hope that something amazingly positive was hidden in what was, at the time, bad news. That made me feel very foolish now. "When she finally told me," I continued, "I guess I should have just been mad about the lie and what I had sacrificed, because that is the only hurt that is reality based, the lie really happened and the sacrifices really happened. The baby never happened, so it feels so stupid to be sad and upset about that. But it felt like there had been a baby, but she had taken it away from me. It felt more like she had gotten an abortion behind my back than that it had never been true to begin with." "I'm sorry," He whispered genuinely. "I didn't know that." "You're forgiven," I said with a fresh smile, "You are really thickheaded about these things and it doesn't help that I'm a really good secret-keeper," I jested. "I didn't really want to talk about it," I continued seriously, "because I feared that would make it just more real and therefore make the pain worse. I thought that if I kept that to myself, it would sink back into my thick skull that there never was a baby. But for some reason it didn't work that way. It is very strange to think that it was never there, never real, because I had all those feelings… and they were very real…" I chuckled bitterly. Heero leaned forward and rested his head against my shoulder in his very cat-like expression of affection. At least, I had always compared it to a cat nuzzling you with its snout. It brought a smile to my face. "You know," Heero started, straightening back up to look at me, "If you still want to pummel her with your braid, you could use my wig. I imagine it will be much less strenuous to the neck and shoulders." I chuckled softly at his dry humor. "I thought you said it was kinda wrong of me to want to do that." "Well, yeah, but that was before I knew how deep this hit you." A soft sigh escaped my lips. I stared at his face, noticed, with gratitude, the sympathy and concern in his eyes. What was I ever going to do without him? He was part of me. Part of my personality. Part of confidence. Part of my intelligence. In most those cases either the bigger or the better part. By the end of the year I would lose him. That felt daunting, especially with the memory of my previous loss still fresh. I offered him a brave smile, not entirely genuine. "Let's get to work," I nodded at the sketches. "I was thinking maybe we should change the color scheme? I know charcoal grey makes more sense because that's what they use on modern military aircrafts, but lately they've been making a lot of these drones white. I thought it might be a good idea to make it white, but with primary-color accents. I mean, this is supposed to become the biggest, baddest cat, right? Like, what do you say we went more towards this," I shook colored pencils out of my bag and pulled up one of the smaller, less detailed sketches and started filling in some panels with red, blue and yellow. Heero made a thoughtful sound. "I don't know. It looks… off." "Well, maybe it's 'off', or maybe it's going to be the thing that sets you apart from the rest. It's like a territorial threat display in animals, you know, it's intimidation." Bemused he pointed out: "I thought that was what we had the big beam cannon for." I looked at said item. "That helps too. Look, I know it might seem weird and this sketch doesn't make any sense like this, let me just draw up a good one, then you can see it'll look pretty cool. And if you decide differently, then no hard feelings, I'll just finish the charcoal grey one." "Alright," He agreed neutrally, "As long as it isn't too much work." "Oh, don't worry about me-" "Trust me, I'm not," He interjected with a grin. "I'm worried about getting this done on time." His brows furrowed deeply. "Are you sure you want to do this right now? We could do something fun, I guess putting it off one more night isn't going to cost me." My mind bravely abused his offer to steer the conversation in a direction that we had been purposefully ignoring. "I can think of something fun to do…" I leaned in with a suggestive wink. It was the only way I knew how to approach the subject matter, with humor and totally casual. Heero sat back and tensely crossed his arms in front of his chest, all of a sudden self-conscious about being shirtless. "Yeah? What is it?" "You know what it is," I replied. "It's the only thing that does… that," I made a vague gesture towards him, "to your body language. I know there is no rulebook on this, but I think eleven days should be the maximum time allowed to ignore that one friend had the other friend's dick in his mouth and… you know, other stuff. But let's face it, amazing jerk off or not, that day will always be the day that I sucked you off," I rambled on dryly. Heero became visibly more uncomfortable. Of course I wasn't the most delicate with my phrasing. "You're kind of catching me off guard here," He said, more than a little perturbed. "Really? So out of the two of us I am the only one who spent the last eleven days thinking about this on and off? More 'on' than 'off''," I challenged, I didn't really believe that to be the case. Surely he had been thinking about it too, if only to fret about it. "Yeah, I guess I thought about it a little… But I don't really know what you want from me here." "I thought that the rules we made would be enough to clarify this whole thing, but obviously they weren't enough, because we are both confused as hell," I showed him a sheepish smile. "I-… I-…" He frowned at his own embarrassing struggle for words. "I really can't have this conversation shirtless." He jumped up and took the two large steps to the closet. It took him longer than usual to pick a shirt, he was stalling. He sat back down wearing a faded blue shirt. "I thought that this would just be a once-a-month thing, like what I had going on in the library and that one of us would just bring it up when it was time again." I chuckled softly. "That's not really how I pictured it. If anything more weekly, than monthly, but rather not by any sort of time schedule at all. We agreed to this because it was easy and convenient, right? No planning, no responsibility, just pure physical relief whenever we needed it. I kinda need it more than once a month," I winked at him. He looked off to the side, silent in contemplation. "So," He eventually asked, "How did you imagine this?" "I thought it would be ideal that if one of us was in… 'need' of something, he could just express that and then the other would just get into the mood too and… help out," I laughed with a hint of nervousness at the weirdness of the conversation. "I mean, that's part of what is so great about this, specifically. We are both guys, so we can pretty much get into the mood whenever. At least, I know I can. I could get into the mood right now," I smirked. "Don't," He warned. "Now I just feel challenged." Heero snorted but a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "It was pretty fun last time, right?" "Yeah…" He reluctantly agreed. "But the past eleven days haven't really been fun." "Well, that's your own fault, you're in your head too much. You just shouldn't think about too deeply, like me. Don't let your thoughts go to 'awkward' or 'wrong', just keep it at-" "Fun," He finished for me, knowing what I was going to say. He sounded doubtful. "Exactly." I smiled at him. He sighed. "You're so casual about this…" His voice was quiet, his tone had a strong hint of jealousy. I shrugged. "It's just sex." "Is there such a thing?" He shot back. Fair question, I thought. "Between two straight guys? Yeah, I think so. If there is no possibility of the two falling in love with each other, how can it ever be more than just sex?" Heero had a pensive expression on his face. "I know it's not as easy as we initially thought, not as uncomplicated. Because we're friends and it's a little weird right now," I admitted. "But it will never get like with me and Hilde, or like with you and Relena. It will never reach that level of… crazy," I chuckled. "After a while the weirdness will go away. But it will never go away if we don't let ourselves get used to it. If we make it this huge thing between us, that we are both scared off and try to ignore." I leaned in closer and repositioned my leg so my knee was touching his. His eyes shot up at me. "You are trying to get into my pants right now," He accused. I smiled. Somehow, I could tell that he was not as freaked out by the notion as he let on. Maybe that was his way of dealing with it, of protecting himself. My way was to be openly casual about it and ignore anything that threatened to reach beneath the surface. Maybe his way was to let everyone – me – think he was totally not okay with it, so he could hide behind that if – he thinks 'when' – things go awry. I was willing to accept his coping mechanism, if it meant he would give me another one of those amazing hand jobs and maybe, someday, more than that. My hand, which had been resting on my thigh, moved down my leg to my knee and then slowly moved over to Heero's knee. He redirected his gaze to stare at it, but he didn't do anything to stop me other than test my resolve with the stone cold look on his features. I moved my hand further up, lightly grazing his thigh through the fabric of his sweatpants. When the tips of my fingers neared the crook of his thigh I could feel the strong muscle in his upper leg tense. "Shouldn't you get the magazine?" I shook my head. "We're not using that this time. We're never going to get anywhere if we only take baby steps." My hand went up further, moving to his inner thigh. All of a sudden Heero jumped up out of the chair. "This is too weird." "Why?" "The slow crawl up someone's thigh? That's something I do when I try to… you know. I think we should be more clinical about this. Or businesslike, like you said." He nodded fervently. I stared at him. The no-kissing rule was weird enough for me, I didn't like the idea of having to skip more steps. That would feel so contrived. "I think we should just undress ourselves, skip the whole 'undress each other' thing." "Well, then you might as well go to the doctor's office for a prostate examination," I snapped, a little peeved at his idea of what this arrangement should be like. It was a far cry from what I had been imagining. "What? Why would say that?" "Well… if you want it to be clinical…" "No, why did you say that," he emphasized the final word. "What, do you assume I'll be the girl in this – whatever this is?" "No!" I blinked. "But wait, is that something that we should discuss? Do you really want to take it that far?" I did, or at least at times it felt like I did, but I always pushed those thoughts away because based on his demeanor I didn't figure it was an option that required any consideration. He looked a little shocked. "No, I just meant… I don't want to feel like a girl in this arrangement. I don't want to be treated like the effeminate one, I get enough of that with this face and the height. I don't want to feel like that when we're doing… stuff!" "You don't look like a girl to me…" I mumbled. The intensity of his emotions really threw me off, he was really upset about this. "Everyone calls me your 'wife'. Your wife! You are the husband and I am the wife! This deal that we've made is emasculating enough as it is, I don't need you thinking of me as a girl, let alone assuming I'll be willing to 'play the girl'." "Heero, this is not emasculating and no one needs to be a girl. We're both guys, that's the point." I rose out of my seat and placed my hands on his shoulders. "Relax." He let out a deep breath. "Is that what's been bugging you? Are you still worried that this makes you an effeminate homo, or a girl?" He shrugged, uncomfortable in the aftermath of his telling outburst. "Heero," I made him look me in the eyes before I continued: "I had your dick in my mouth. Trust me, I know you are a guy." He shook his head. "It is so crazy to hear you say that." "And just because you liked it- because we both liked it," I corrected, "doesn't mean we are gay." "Who said I liked it?" "Your come in my mouth said that you liked it," I replied dryly. He nearly went cross-eyed at having me say that. "I know of a way to settle this." I grinned devilishly. My hands on his shoulders applied more pressure and I pushed him back against the door. He slammed into it more strongly than I had intended, but I wasn't about to stop to make sure he was alright. I dropped down to my knees. In a rushed fashion my hands trailed down his chest and I curled my fingers and hooked them into the waistband of his sweats, pulling them down swiftly. "I expect you to return the favor this time," I stated boldly. "No time for baby steps." I wrapped my hand around his manhood and brought it to an erect state in just a few demanding pumps. He may still be uncomfortable, but my fist was tight and my pacing left no room for argument. Driven by sheer determination I pushed forward and flicked my tongue along the head of his erection. He gritted his teeth, fighting the pleasure. He was determined to remain stoic about the entire situation. There was no sense trying to familiarize myself with the alien action, it would always be alien, so I didn't waste any time and just took as much of him into my mouth as I could stand without gagging. Heero whimpered, fighting a losing battle. I really didn't get what the big deal was. It was just bodily pleasure, it didn't mean anything. I tried some tongue tricks that had been used on me in the past. Some I could mimic more successfully than others, but regardless it was clear that it wouldn't be much of a challenge to bring Heero to climax. The boy probable needed this kind of release way more often than he liked to admit. I opened my eyes for the first time – I hadn't even realized I had closed them – when he dug his long fingers into my hair. I looked up at him, his head thrown back, against the door, his mouth open, still too damn stubborn to let out any significant moans. I released him from my mouth briefly, wrapping my hand around his shaft instead. I waited for him to look down at me, it didn't take long. The urgency and desire was as apparent as his shame, but more important to me. "You don't feel like a girl now, do you?" Finally he emitted an honest moan. His hands on my head urged me to continue. I happily obliged. I was pretty confidant I had gotten my point across and hoped this would get rid of any lingering inhibitions on his behalf. I had to strengthen the grip of my fingers on his hips to keep him from thrusting forward as he neared completion. That time he didn't call my name, just a groan as I let him come into my mouth again. His hands released my hair and he planted them against the door, trying to steady his balance. I could feel the tremble in his knees as I bobbed my head a few more times before releasing him. I spit his come into my hand and boldly wiped it on the front of his shirt. "Here you go," I started with a grin, "in case you still had any doubts whether you liked it or not." I sat down on the carpeted floor and scooted back to give him room to sag down as well. He was panting. His gaze was far off. "So? You didn't feel like a girl, right?" His unfocused eyes settled on me. "No," he admitted breathlessly. "It actually felt… more masculine, to have another guy submit to me like that." "Oh, I'm submitting now?" I grinned. "Now who is the one who is making assumptions?" He ignored my banter and finished: "It was kind of a… rush…" "Well, I wouldn't know, would I?" My not so subtle hint had him crashing straight back down to earth after riding the waves of his orgasm. I stared at him, waiting to see what he would do. I already had an erection. That part of me came to life not long after he got aroused. Just the promise of a return of the favor was enough to make my dick stand up straight in anticipation. He raised his hips off the floor and pulled up his sweatpants before he got on all fours and crawled towards me. I took a deep breath and spread my legs to accommodate him. The jeans, that had been tight to begin with, had been excruciating at that point. He paused in contemplation for a moment or two before he decided to lie on his stomach between my outstretched leg, his upper body supported by his elbows, his face was mere inches above my still clothed groin. His fingers moved unceremoniously to undo the button and zipper of my jeans. "Oooh, careful, I'm not wearing any underwear," I warned with a hiss at the sound of the metal teeth of the zipper. Nothing could kill a good mood like that like a zipper-incident could. At my warning he slowed his pace and with the fly undone he carefully pried out my arousal. He wrapped his long fingers around it and gave it a few jerks first, stalling. My eyes travelled down his body and lingered suspiciously long on the curve of his impressively sculpted behind. He definitely wasn't my best friend in that moment – who laughed at all my bad jokes and dragged my drunk ass home on Friday nights – he was this incredible looking guy whose hot mouth I wanted to be inside of. After the first few experimental licks, Heero didn't end up doing much more than wrap his warm lips around the head of my erection and heavily pet the tip of it with his tongue. But in that moment, it was enough. And Heero was right, it was a heady rush to have another guy go down on you. It felt like a power trip and compensated for any residual awkwardness that may still have been lurking. It took me a little longer than it had taken him, something that caused me an irrational sense of pride, but when I was nearing my climax, I decided to warn him. "I'm close," I ground out. In those final seconds it was a miracle that I had the coherency to form words and to prevent myself from burying my fingers into his thick hair and pushing his mouth further down my shaft. He seemed a little startled by my confession and raised his head. Fortunately his fist around the base of my erection was tight and he had the mercy to finish me off with another skillful hand job. He refused to meet my sloe-eyed gaze when I looked down at him. With his eyes directed to the left he pumped his fist a few more times before he pushed himself up to sit on his knees. I looked down at my shirt, which I had soiled. I hooked my thumbs under the hem and raised it over my head, throwing it into a corner for later laundering. I left the fly of my jeans open, not really desiring the feel of the course denim material in my post-orgasm state. I allowed the quiet to exist for as long as I could handle it, recognizing that Heero was deep in thought. If it was a positive thought process, I didn't intend to disrupt that. Eventually, though, I had to speak. "That wasn't so bad, right?" His cheeks turned an amusing shade of red. "I guess." "Well, I liked it," I stated with a self-satisfied smirk. "That much was obvious," he pointedly looked at my crumpled up shirt. I laughed and nodded at his shirt, where I had wiped his come. The red hue on his cheeks became a little more vibrant, but he chuckled regardless. "I guess I wouldn't mind doing this exchange program a little more often." I stared at him with mischievous eyes. "Next time I do expect more of an equal exchange. I mean, this was great, but as great as it was it did leave me wanting more." "More?" "More of your mouth." A shudder ran down my spine. My eyes unconsciously focused on his lips, soft and full, with a perfectly defined cupid's bow. It was an odd thing to realize; that your – male – best friend had seductive lips, but 'odd' was a relative term and this notion paled in comparison to the other odd things we had already done and I had already noticed – like how I liked giving him a blowjob because I knew and understood exactly what he was feeling and that filled me with a heady sense of satisfaction at being able to give him that pleasure "Right," In spite of my confession, he seemed a little relieved at the clarification. "I thought that with 'more' you meant…" He couldn't finish that sentence and looked at me with eyes that clearly conveyed that he didn't want me to make him say it. "Then let's take it off the table," then, as more of an afterthought, I added: "For now." He raised an eyebrow. "For now? Is that actually something you might, at one point, be interested in?" His tone was comically and innocently disbelieving. "Yes," I answered curtly. This took him by surprise and seemed to cause him discomfort and confusion. "But like I said, let's just take it off the table for now. Let's just stick to blowjobs and hand-jobs." "Deal." He reached out a hand to me to shake on it. I looked at his hand before I accepted it. I was startled by the instant thought that popped into my mind at the sight of his long, slim fingers and his soft palm; that only a little while ago that hand had been deliciously wrapped around my arousal. I shook the thought away and shook his hand to settle our deal. "So now that I am all cheered up," I started with a smile to lighten the mood, "How about we get back to work on that Gundam?" Heero was clearly taken aback at the ease with which I could switch between being his fuck buddy – basically – and his best friend, but he welcomed the transition back into normalcy. We both got up and changed clothes before we sat down at the desk and continued discussing the project. Heero made all the decisions and was responsible for the entire technical design of the futuristic war machine, so my only part in it was to create sketches that would accurately portray the awesome and innovative design he had created. We worked until deep into the night. We heard our neighbors stumble back to their respective dorm-rooms in a drunken stupor after a long night of partying and that was when we realized we should probably call it a night as well. I climbed into the top bunk and Heero settled in the bottom bunk. I blinked in the darkness and listened to the muffled mumbling and fumbling of the last of the students returning to bed. The quiet that followed was suddenly interrupted by Heero's deep voice. "Thanks for this." I snorted. "Heero, I told you, don't worry about it. You always help me with schoolwork, I like being able to return the favor." "No, I mean-" He sighed and paused to sort his thoughts. "For making our… exchange-program more easy. Less, awkward and heavy. From now on I won't stress out about it. It'll just be… fun." I smirked. "You're welcome. And thank you." "For what?" "For sucking my dick." I laughed uncontrollably when the entire bed shook as Heero kicked against the underside of the top bunk in reaction to my remark.
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