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"Thousand words"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, angst, fluff, Lemon, OOC Pairings: 2x1 Summary: Duo and Heero have to share a dorm room
in college and they become best friends. When they discover that neither
has time for, nor interest in a girlfriend, they explore a friends
with benefits relationship. But sex never remains uncomplicated. " Thousand words" Twenty-two "You asshole! You fucking asshole!" I had heard Heero storm into the room at an ungodly hour in the early morning but I hadn't reached full consciousness until he started shouting at me and grabbing the frame of the bed and shaking it like a wild animal rattling its cage. With a sudden, deep breath I flung myself upright, with a raised hand I protected my squinting eyes from the direct light of the lamp on the ceiling. "What have you done? What have you done?!" I rubbed my eyes and then my temples with both hands. The deep frown on my forehead caused an instant, throbbing headache. "Wha- What? What's going on?" "Fuck you, Duo!" He got up on the lower bunk and punched me in my side. Tiredly I fought him off and scooted closer to the wall to make it harder for his fists to reach me at full force. "I don't know what the fuck you are going on about!" I shouted. The haze of sleep lifted and I recognized his extreme measure of distress. There was a dull bang on the wall and then our sleepy next-door neighbor barked: "Shut up!" "What time is it?" I asked my enraged roommate. I noticed he was in his running gear, but he wasn't sweating, although his face was flustered. "Six," He seethed. "Six AM?" I dropped down onto my pillow. "Jesus fuck, Heero, I need my beauty sleep." "I'm sure you do. You must have had a really busy night." I turned to look at him, my frown only deepening. "What?" With a single hand he grabbed the sheets and yanked them off my bed. "You're still wearing your clothes... Your shoes even!" His tone was accusing but I had yet to figure out what he thought I was guilty of, other than soiling my sheets by wearing my shoes to bed. "Can you please use your inside-voice and tell me what is going on?" I tried to calm myself, hoping that that would have a positive effect on his demeanor as well. With a growl he slammed a crumpled up piece of paper onto the mattress, next to my head. "What am I supposed to think of this?" I sat up again and unfolded the piece of paper. The side facing me was blank, so I turned it over and my heart sank and my throat constricted. Printed on the piece of paper was a single, full-size screenshot from the video I had taken of us the last time we had engaged in sex. Fortunately, the image the prankster had chosen was one where neither of us were recognizable; it was the close-up of Heero's behind and my dick ramming into it, but no one could know that. I was sympathetic to his rage, but one thing I didn't understand. "Are you accusing me of printing this out?" "It's from the video you took! The video you promised to delete, but you didn't! It was on your phone and now it's all over the place!" My eyes widened a the news. "Heero, I would never do that!" "Is this about last Sunday?" He asked, hurt and upset. "It's not! It's not about anything! I didn't do this, you have to know that." I stared at the image and then realization hit me. "Nash... Nash!" Heero's eyebrow twitched. "This has his name written all over it. This is just like the last time..." With my eyes I begged him. "You have to believe me, I wouldn't do this." He seemed to trust me, but the softening of his features was only momentarily. "It is still your fault! You promised you would delete that video. I told you it was only a matter of time!" I jumped out of bed. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." I kept repeating. I searched my memory, trying to remember when and where I might have left my phone unattended and accessible to Nash. I couldn't think of anything, so maybe he had snuck into our room again, although we had been taking care to lock the door behind us at all times. "Look, it's going to be alright... Nobody is going to know it's us-" "Not yet," He interjected. "Clearly this is just a warming-up. The person who posted this has the entire video, Duo. Obviously he's not going to leave it at this." "This is one of Nash' pranks. I'll go deal with it. I'll make it right." "You better. If he posts any more, the entire faculty is going to get involved, which means our parents will get a call as well." "I'll fix it. I promise." He glared at me. "I wish I could trust your promises." He pushed past me and hurried out the door. With the print-out in my hand I stomped over to Nash' room across the hallway and started banging on the door, bellowing out his name with determination. After some delay the door was ripped open and his roommate poked his head out. "God, Maxwell, what do you want?" "I need to see Nash. Right now," I emphasized. I was ready to force myself inside to confront the little weasel. "He's not even here..." He groaned. "Sure he isn't," I deadpanned. "I'm serious man. He went home with some girl last night, must've slept over." "Do you mind if I check?" Although I phrased it as a question, I was certain he understood the implication that I wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Are you accusing me of lying?" "Yes." He grunted and stepped aside. "Go ahead." I stepped into the dark room and studied the top bunk; it was empty. Nash was nowhere to be seen in the small room. Still, I had to be sure, so I opened the closet doors but I didn't find him there. "Seriously?" The roommate protested as he watched me inspect the closet. "What's the girl's name?" "What?" "The girl's name? The one he went home with?" He shrugged. "Fuck if I know. I bet Nash doesn't even know." I had to find him and I had to find him soon, before he would proceed with the second act of his little show. I didn't know Nash well enough to be familiar with his class schedule, but he was on the basketball team with me before I quit. "Is Nash still on the team?" "Yeah." I nodded and started walking away. I looked over my shoulder and said: "Sorry about this." He didn't respond and slammed the door shut. I knew Nash would either be in the gym or at the tracks late in the afternoon for practice. Until then I would have to wait. I took a quick shower and then went to class. Heero hadn't come back after he had supposedly left for his run. I went to get coffee at my local shop and realized with horror that the copies of the screenshot were everywhere and had everyone talking. The two girls in line in front of me were speculating about it before placing their orders for their fancy coffees with skim milk. "Who do you think it is?" One asked the other. "I don't know. But whoever this girl is, she is going to regret letting some guy in through the back door." I raised my eyebrows. Her comment made me realize that based on the picture the gender of the receiving partner was unclear. Her friend noted: "What makes you so sure it's a girl?" They both giggled and the other admitted that if it were indeed two guys, her curiosity was piqued. As they walked off, they started debating who it could be. They were treating it like a game, completely unaware of how devastating and hurtful it could be for someone to get outed like that, not to mention the invasion of privacy. Walking away, sipping my coffee quietly, I tried to figure out how I felt with the regard to posters, passing by a number of them as I headed for class. I decided I wasn't offended per se. I wasn't embarrassed about being gay and I was pretty confident with regard to my physique. But when I reminded myself that Nash must have nicked my phone at some point and had scrolled through the entire content, I did get pissed off. It was a violation and although I could have expected no less from him, it was still upsetting that he had such a lack of regard for other people's feelings. I wondered what he was thinking when he found that video, did he ever even think anything beyond "score!". Did he ever give pause and think about how the publication of images like that could hurt us? The more thought I put into it, the more my aggression grew. I occupied myself with my coffee when I passed by a group of Freshmen studying the picture that was stuck to the door of the men's restrooms by the large auditoria - perhaps a hint at the gender of the second person involved? "This is another Nash-classic," One of them commented. Apparently the crazy-haired prankster was infamous to the Freshmen as well. "Even better than the last one, with the guy in the dress." The group laughed as they recounted that incident. I pivoted on my heels and stomped back towards them. "Show some respect, you vultures," I hissed at them and watched them cower. "You really want to admire a guy whose idea of a good laugh is invading someone's privacy like this?" I wormed my way through the small crowd and ripped the paper off the door. "Go to class. Do something useful with yourself." They walked off, muttering among themselves. I discarded the paper in the trashcan and stepped into the auditorium for my first lecture of the day. At lunchtime I headed for the library to go talk to Heero and assure him that I was going to convince Nash to keep the rest of the images to himself. Luckily the school staff had also put some work into the issue and most, if not all of the copies had been taken off the walls and doors before second period. But of course, thanks to social media, there wasn't a single student at the university who hadn't been made aware of the prank and as I crossed through the buildings I picked up a lot of snippets of conversations hypothesizing the identities of the two people in the compromising position. I walked into our private study room, sandwiches in hand, but Heero wasn't there. He was avoiding me. I felt horribly guilty for not having deleted that video. In all honesty I had more or less forgotten about it, considering the tragedy we had had to deal with last week. But I had to admit to myself that even if I hadn't forgotten, I wasn't sure if I would have been able to honor my promise and delete it. After all, Japan or Seattle, Heero was leaving and that video would be one of the few things I had of him, one of the few things to offer remembrance of what we were to each other - although it still wasn't fully clear what we really were to each other. I had never suspected a friends-with-benefits situation could make matters this complicated. It had seemed innocent enough when I first suggested it. It had changed everything and I couldn't decide if I regretted that or not. I loved Heero and despite the outcome I wouldn't have wanted that realization to pass me by - I loved loving him - but at the same time, if none of this had transpired, Heero and I would still be best friends; there would have been no resentment, no fear and no distance between us. After my workshop I rushed to the gym but practice had already started and I couldn't very well run onto the court, grab Nash by his ear and drag him off. I didn't want to raise any suspicion or else the secret would be out anyway. I took a seat on the bleachers and watched what remained of the old team practice passes and do suicide drills. My eyes followed his movements and I could feel my anger boiling until the point where steam must have been coming out of my ears. Practice wrapped up two hours later and the boys hit the showers. I headed out back and waited by the door, nodding my greeting at some of my former teammates when they emerged from the locker rooms. Some of them shook my hand or patted my back and told me they missed me as their team captain, but my cold demeanor put them off and they swiftly left me alone. Nash, who could always be trusted to be lazy, was the last to walk outside. His blue wet hair stuck to his forehead and the back of his neck. A towel around his shoulders caught the rivulets of water running down from his mop of hair. He spotted me, waved casually and said: "Hey Duo, what's up?" Before he knew it, I had rushed towards him and pinned him against the brick wall. I ripped his bag off his shoulder and tossed it aside and slammed him into the wall harder still when he tried to step forward and fight me off. "What is wrong with you?!" He demanded in protest. "You have gone too far this time." He rolled his eyes. "So I tripped Perky during the suicides... We always pull shit on the Freshman when they first join the team." I frowned at him. "What? No... Who's Perky?" "Perkins? The Freshman? This isn't about Perky?" "No! You know damn well what this is about!" Realization visibly dawned on him. "You're talking about the picture." "Yes!" "What's it to you?" He scoffed. "Everything! You don't know what you are doing! You are going to ruin our lives!" I grabbed his shoulders and shook him, needing to get through to him or else Heero would never forgive me. He stilled. His eyes widened with shock. "The picture... That's you?" He blurted. "That's you and Heero!" I frowned at his surprise, which appeared authentic. "Of course it is, you've seen the video." "There's a video? Dude, I always suspected something might be up between the two of you but I never figured you were actually..." He rocked his hips back and forth to illustrate his point. Fear came over his expression when he became aware of the depth of my anger and what I was accusing him of. "Look, bro, I had nothing to do with this!" "You seriously expect me to believe that? After that last stunt?" "Come on man, give me some credit! I'm an asshole but I'm not a monster. Yuy just came back from burying his grandmother and all." He pushed me back, my grip had lost most of its strength as I was thoroughly confused. "I didn't do this. I mean, I might have... I could have... if times were different, but not a week after his grandma kicks it." "It has your name written all over it..." I argued dumbly. "It's a copycat. It's flattering really." "Everyone seems to agree that it is your handiwork." He shrugged. "And I'm not going to tell them otherwise. I thought this was a class-A stunt and I'd happily take the credit if no one else will. Credit, mind you. I'm not going to take the blame for something I didn't do." "I believe you..." I uttered dumbly. I did. It made sense, after all, I really couldn't think of a single instance when I had left my phone unattended in his presence, I knew better than that. "Do you know who did it?" "Not any of my friends," He answered, "Or else they would've shut me up when I took the credit." "I don't understand who else would do this..." "So you and Heero, huh?" "Yeah." I shook my head. "Sort of." "Cool." He smirked. "I'm guessing he's the one 'taking it like a champ'?" Angered by his remark I shoved him back into the wall again. "Don't ever fucking say anything to anyone, you hear?" "Fine," He agreed, straightening his clothes. "Like I said, I'm not out to hurt Heero at a time like this. But I gotta ask: is me keeping it a secret going to matter?" At my look he explained: "If this image is part of a video and you guys are recognizable in the video at some point, my guess is the 'money shot' is going to go public within the next couple of days." "I have to find out who did it and stop them." "Well..." He started but then shook his head and chuckled. "What?" "I get why I was your prime suspect, but maybe you should talk to Hilde, or Relena. No wrath like a woman scorned, man. Or something." He scrunched up his face. "That's impossible. I haven't even seen them since I took the video. They couldn't have gotten hold of my phone." "If you're sure about that, than I don't have a clue who else there might be." He looked around himself. "Am I allowed to leave?" I waved my hand dismissively. "Yes. Go." "Good luck man," Nash said and then he stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked away casually and unhurried. "Fuck." I dreaded going back to our dorm. I didn't want to face Heero without having good news to tell him. I couldn't stand him looking at me the way he had that morning, with such complete distrust, disappointment and displeasure. When I was about to retreat and bite the bullet, a thought came to me. I had been trying to remember specific instances in which I may have taken my phone out of my pocket and left it somewhere and then I remembered I sometimes placed it in a hidden corner on the counter behind the bar. I couldn't recall placing it there at some point during the previous week, but it was a habit of mine to put it there when I was bored, so I had easy access to my game of Tetris, or some other distraction. Martin hated that I sometimes played games during working hours, even when there was no one at the bar. More importantly, Martin hated me. Motive and opportunity, that was what police detectives looked for when solving a crime, right? Even though I knew the odds were slim Martin was working that night - he usually only worked the Mondays and sometimes the weekends - I started towards the on-campus bar. Standing at the door I spotted Obie and one of the other guys behind the bar. Not deterred, I stepped inside and waited for Obie to finish serving a group of friends their drinks. "You hate coming to the bar on your nights off," He pointed out as a way of greeting. "I was looking for Martin." "You hate Martin," He deadpanned. "Yeah. But I- I need him for something. Do you know where he lives?" "Nah, man, couldn't tell ya. He doesn't live on campus though, I know that much." Sensing something was wrong, he inquired: "What's going on? What do you need Martin for?" Ignoring his concerned question I asked him if he could call Martin and ask him to come to the bar. "Dude, should I be worried? You've got a bad case of the crazy-eyes going on..." "I just really need to talk to him, okay?!" I erupted, not bothered by the stares and frowns my outburst earned me. Obie didn't say anything. He moved away, got the phone from the wall and got the call-list from a drawer. His finger went down the list of names until it paused halfway and he dialed the listed number. "Hi, misses Surrs, this is Owen Banes from the campus bar, I work with your son. Is Martin home?" When he looked up at me I mouthed 'thanks'. "Cool. Thank you, misses Surrs... Martin, hi, it's Owen. Would you mind coming to the bar? I need someone to cover Herman's shift, he's sick..." I shook my head. None of the employers were named Herman, he was making it up. "Yeah, you know, Herman! Dark hair, hipster beard? Yeah, he's puking all over the place... Thanks Martin, I knew I could count on you." He promptly hung up the phone. "Herman?" "Jen is making me read Moby Dick." Ah, Herman Melville. I chuckled. 'Hipster beard'. "She says I'm 'uncultured'." He scoffed. "Anyways, he'll be here in about twenty minutes. You're going to wait for him right here," He pointed at the bar stool I was standing next to. "And you are going to talk to him under my supervision. Otherwise I feel like your next request is going to be for me to provide you with an alibi." "It's kind of a private conversation." He nodded and looked around. "It's a quiet evening, we'll take it to the storage room." That would have to do. I wasn't worried about the truth of the situation being revealed to Obie, I knew I could trust him. Things might get weird between us for a little while, but I had faith Obie wouldn't let my sexual orientation be any kind of obstruction to our friendship in the end. Jenny might think of him as uncultured, but he was more enlightened than she - or anybody else - gave him credit for. He poured me a single beer and stressed that I wasn't going to get any more, just one, to take the edge off. Together we waited for Martin to show up. The young man arrived exactly twenty minutes later and looked rightfully confused when he stepped inside and saw two men working the bar. Quickly coming to the conclusion that he had been lured there under false pretenses he stalked up to the bar and confronted Obie. Obie convinced him to step into the storage room with us and he closed the door behind him. I felt a little claustrophobic in the tight place and Martin looked troubled too, although mostly about being teamed up on. "Did you call me here just to fire me?" "You're not getting fired, Martin, sit down." Obie nodded at an empty crate. With a huff he took a seat and looked up at the two of us. "Well?" His impatience was apparent. Obie looked at me expectantly as well. "Did you take my phone?" I asked him. I had to be careful with my phrasing, if he turned out not to be the culprit, I couldn't let the interrogation be what clued him in and reveal the secret after all. "Your phone?" He repeated. "Of course I don't have your phone..." "I'm not asking you if you still have it. I'm asking you if you took it, at some point last week. Monday, maybe?" "Took it for what purpose?" He was very confused by it all. Obie, who respectfully wasn't meddling, also had a deep frown on his forehead. "Did you look at private pictures on my phone?" I watched his reaction closely. Martin didn't say anything, he just looked clueless. "Did you look at my pictures?!" I shouted suddenly, startling them both. "No!" He looked up at Obie pathetically, begging for assistance. "What is going on?" I felt my friend lay a hand on his shoulder. "I think we've established that he didn't touch your phone, Duo," He tried. "No!" I argued childishly, "It has to be him!" Because if it wasn't him than I didn't know what to do next. I wasn't ready to accept the mystery as unsolved and my situation as hopeless. "You did it, didn't you?!" Obie stopped me before I could lunge forward, grab Martin by his collar and force the answer out of him. "Duo, for God's sake!" "I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything!" Martin practically squealed, rolling off the crate to avoid my flailing arms and legs as Obie tried to control me. Eventually I was pushed against a wall of boxes and Obie silenced me with a single, warning finger raised in front of my face. "Go home, Martin," He said. "You two are crazy!" "I'll pay you for your time and I'll see you Monday." Martin snorted and started to walk off, but before he left the storage room he wondered curiously: "Seriously though, who is Herman?" "Goodbye, Martin!" The two of us said in unison. He rolled his eyes at us and left. The door fell shut and we looked at each other. "Are you going to tell me what that was all about?" I leaned back against the boxes and let my head fall. "What makes you think Martin, or anyone for that matter, looked at private stuff on your phone?" "Because at this point the entire school body has seen the private stuff on my phone!" I blurted and I watched realization dawn on him as he put the puzzle pieces together. "That photo today... that's yours?" I exhaled and nodded, shamefully crossing my arms in front of my chest. He was silent for a moment and then he admitted: "I don't know what to say... I wanna say: you go, dude! Finally! But... that seems inappropriate since you're clearly upset about it." "Yeah- Wait, what? What do you mean 'Finally'?" "It's Heero, right? Now, I don't claim to know for sure which one is which, but I have an idea and... well... you go, dude." I stared at him. "How did you know?" "You've been in love with him for a while..." He pointed out with a shrug. I shook my head. It had crossed my mind that he might have put two and two together a while ago, but to be confronted with the fact that he had known all along was still quite shocking. All that time I had been fighting to keep it a secret when I could have told him. "Was it that obvious?" "No," He readily answered and seemed sincere. "Only to people who know you pretty well, I guess." I started chuckling breathlessly. "I can't believe it... this is so weird. And you're okay with it?" "I actually prefer the 'new Duo' to the way you were before. The playboy suit never seemed to fit you quite right, it always felt like dress-up. The last few months you've been more... real." He made a face at himself. "I'm not making any sense." "Actually... you are." A smile appeared on his lips, but then he asked seriously: "I take it you and Heero are not happy with this picture being spread all over campus though." "Heero is freaking out. More than anything he is afraid of his father finding out." He nodded sympathetically. "I really don't believe Martin did it though. If anything because I think he truly believes you could and would kill him if he ever overstepped a line like that." "You're probably right, but I just needed it to be him," I looked up at him with desperate eyes. "I need to fix this, before it gets really bad." "What would 'really bad' be like?" "A screenshot where we are both recognizable." My face contorted with horror. Heero would hate me forever. "It was a video? Woah..." "Woah, indeed." He got a pensive look on his face. "I suppose you've already confronted Nash." "Of course." "What about Hilde? Or Relena?" "Nash suggested the same, but the video is too new. I haven't even seen them and neither of them is the breaking-and-entering type." "I'd talk to them, just to be sure, you know?" He suggested. I agreed and then decided I should get to it. I would save telling him the strange details of my relationship with Heero for some other time. I was surprised when he gave me a hug and I returned the gesture of affection awkwardly. When I walked out the bar my heart was beating in my throat, my gaze flitted from left to right, I was afraid of every poster and flyer, worried that the follow-up might have already been posted. The coast was, fortunately, still clear, but I knew it wouldn't last. This wasn't just some prank, this was done by someone out to get me, it was only a matter of time until the next screenshot would be posted. The truth would be revealed. I didn't mind that, but I minded the method. And I certainly minded that someone was hurting Heero in the process. I was overwhelmed with the need to protect him. The girl's dorm building where Hilde and Relena lived was quiet. The living room and the kitchen were dark. I went upstairs and knocked on Hilde's door, but instead of her answering, the neighboring door opened up and a significantly younger student with glasses looked at me. "Hi," She chirped. "Hi." I pointed at the door. "Is Hilde here?" "Nope. Sorority-trip. Florida, I heard," She said concisely. I raised my eyebrows. I never suspected Hilde would go along on something like that, ditching classes and everything, but then again, she had changed a lot since she befriended Relena. "When did they leave?" "Saturday." I should have been relieved that it couldn't have been her, nor Relena, but I was disappointed because it meant I was still as far removed as ever from solving this problem. "When will they be back?" "Thursday." I sighed. What was I supposed to do? "Do you want me to give her a message when she gets back?" "No..." I muttered forlornly. "I suspect that by the time she gets back the message will be loud and clear." If Hilde's attempt at becoming friends again was genuine, she would understand and accept, given some time. Relena, however, would certainly lose her shit. Under different circumstances that would have been amusing to be witness to. Of course she didn't know what that meant. She stared at me oddly. "Thanks for your help. Goodnight." "Okay. Goodnight." She abruptly shut the door. I cursed under my breath. Dragging my feet I returned to dorm building B. My entire body felt heavy as I hoisted it up the single flight of stairs. Our room was empty and I quickly figured Heero had taken refuge in the library. It was a relief to not have to tell him that I had failed, although I couldn't keep avoiding the matter. I had to at least give him a head's up. I sat down on his bed and produced my phone from my pocket. I searched for the video and pressed play once I found it. Because it had caused so much trouble - with the promise of even more shit to hit the fan - it was no longer enjoyable to watch, much less arousing and, albeit with slight hesitation, I ended up deleting the video, like I had promised Heero I would. Around midnight I decided to go look for him. I nodded at the night guard patrolling the otherwise empty library. The study rooms were locked for the night, so I didn't know where to find him. When he obviously wasn't at any of the tables in the central area underneath the black skylights I started zigzagging through the aisles, going up all four floors. I spotted him on the top floor, in a far corner. He was seated on the red, carpeted floor, leaning his back against the lower bookshelves, his head lolled to one side. I approached him with inaudible footfalls and watched him sleep, surrounded by textbooks. I crouched by his slumped figure and my fingers reached for his tousled bangs that covered his eyes, but I stopped myself. I didn't want to wake him. I was too afraid. I let myself believe that I was doing him a favor by letting him sleep. My eyes drank in the sight of him for several minutes before I got up with a sigh and headed back home. Once outside, in the privacy of darkness, tears started rushing down my face. It was still shocking to me how everything had fallen apart so rapidly. Only a few days ago I had cherished hope that Heero had developed the same feelings for me as I had for him and we could finally be together in the meaningful way that I had craved for a long time. Now everything was in shambles. Heero was going to leave for Seattle no matter what, apparently having no good reason to make any kind of effort for us to stay together, but now he wasn't just leaving for Seattle to make use of a job opportunity, he would be leaving for Seattle to get away from me, hating me. Things were worse than when I still thought he was moving back to Japan. I didn't want him to give up on Seattle and this amazing job opportunity, but I also didn't want him to give up on us. I needed to fix things between us, so I would be welcome to join him in Seattle after my summer program in Columbus and things would be right between us; I wanted to be able to come home to him. I opened the front door and quickly wiped away the trails of tears on my cheeks when I heard the roaring laughter coming from the living room. "Come on, man!" One of the housemates urged. "Tell us who it is!" "We know you did it!" I peered through the archway at the group of guys surrounding Nash, begging him to spill the details. He was still perfectly content letting everyone believe he was the 'mastermind' behind the day's prank. Our gazes met and he shrugged his shoulders and then deflected their questions with an analogy about magicians never revealing their tricks. They continued to gush over him like he was a rock star. I shook my head at their antics and went upstairs. Seated on a step halfway up the staircase was Norwood. He shifted so I could walk by him. "Aren't you going to join the fun?" I asked him. He looked up at me uneasily. "I will." I stared at him for a moment. I didn't understand why, after all these years, he still sought to befriend those guys. "Goodnight, man." "Goodnight." It wasn't a good night. I was tossing and turning and felt sick to my stomach. Heero didn't come back to the room all night and I wondered if he was still asleep on the library floor or wandering around outside, too angry at me to even be in the same room as I was. The early morning sun peeked through the opening between the curtains and I stared at the bright line it drew across the ceiling and down the wall and how it was distorted by the dips and waves of my sheets. I kicked away the sheets and jumped out of bed. The bottom bunk was empty. I got dressed quickly, even though it was insanely early in the morning and I didn't have class until the early afternoon. With a heart beating wildly I went outside. I checked our dorm building for new posters, but there was nothing. I wasn't put at ease yet, though. I started scouring the grounds, looking everywhere. The main buildings, except for the 24/7 library, wouldn't open for another hour, but I pressed my nose against the windows, cupping my hands around my face so I could peer inside. There was nothing on the walls as far as I could tell. At seven thirty when my coffee shop opened I hurried to get a big cup of the hot, caffeinated brew and then stationed myself at the main entrance of the largest faculty building. I greeted the janitor who came to unlock the door and make his rounds. The morning was quiet, nothing happened. Students made their way to class peacefully, some of them disappointed at the fact that there was no follow-up on yesterday's prank. The curiosity was killing them, but I knew they wouldn't have to wait long if the prankster got his way. With finals drawing near, he couldn't afford people to lose interest in his stunt, the next image would have to be posted before he exceeded their attention span. With classes starting and the entire campus crawling with students I figured I had lucked out and had gotten another day to solve my problem. I went to the library, to our usual, private study room and hoped Heero would show up there around lunch time as per our routine for the past four years. I waited there for almost three hours. It was nearly noon when the intercom crackled to life and a female voice announced: "Mister D.W. Maxwell, please report to the headmaster's office." I swallowed. She repeated urgently: "D.W. Maxwell, report to the headmaster's office immediately." The nervous sweat on my palms was instant. In my four year presence at the university I had only ever been called to principal Andrews' office once, when Nash had gotten the entire basketball team in trouble with one of this stupid jokes. It was too much of a coincidence, surely he wasn't going to congratulate me on unexpectedly passing my mathematics class. Apprehensively I walked out of the study room, through the hallway and into the main area of the library. Heads turned and whispered conversations were sparked as I walked by. The librarian looked at me with cold, judgmental eyes and shook her head at me. Oh, shit. I crossed the campus grounds to the left wing of the main building where the administrative offices were located. At the end of an ominous, long hallway was the headmaster's reception, beyond which was his office, with a wall of frosted glass. As I neared, two figures on the other side of the frosted glass approached the door; one tall, one short - shorter still with bowed head. The door opened and Heero appeared first, followed closely by his father who did not look amused. I sped my pace, rushing towards them. I wanted to take him in my arms and comfort him, he looked absolutely devastated. When he noticed me walking up to him he narrowed his reddened eyes at me and his glare stopped me dead in my tracks. He was about to pass me by without a word, but I begged him: "What happened? What's going on?" "Keep walking," Odin barked and he gave me a foul look of his own and I finally saw some family resemblance. His expression spoke volumes. He blamed me for ruining his perfect son. Paying no attention to Odin, I begged my friend and my lover: "Heero, please... I'm so sorry." "You're sorry?" He suddenly snapped and he pushed me against my chest so powerfully that he knocked me into the wall of the hallway. "Fuck you, Duo! Look at what you've done to me! What you've done to my life! And all of it just because you wanted an easy fuck!" His father didn't have to urge him, he stomped away on his own accord, Odin trailing him. "I-" With my breath hitching in the back of my throat I was rendered silent. "Mister Maxwell." I turned around and saw Andrews waiting for me in the door-opening to his office, looking very serious. Reluctantly I entered his office and took a seat opposite of his at the big desk. My face contorted when I saw the cause of everything, displayed on the surface of the desk: a single printed-out screenshot. It was from the part of the video where I had pulled Heero upright and we were both looking directly in the mirror while I stroked his dick and fucked him from behind. Andrews sat down and pushed the copy even further out towards me, for shock value. "This was posted all over school and the internet about an hour ago. Three Freshmen were handing them out and putting them up on the walls. They said someone paid them to spread the images around campus. Of course they wouldn't tell me who that person was." I swallowed audibly. "Initially I suspected you two were behind the spread of this material yourselves. But, based on mister Yuy's severe emotional reaction," He made a face, judging him, "it seems someone else was responsible. Is that correct?" I nodded fervently. "I didn't do this." His phone rang suddenly, loudly, causing me to flinch. He raised his fingers to silence my impending plea for mercy and answered the call. I wiped my wet hands on my jeans and tried to steady my breath in an attempt to calm my heartbeat. The phone call lasted several minutes, but still it was not enough time for me to compose myself. I was jittery with anxiety. My gaze kept drifting towards the picture on the desk and oddly my most prominent thought was: I'm never going to make love to him again. This realization saddened me, mostly because it made me wonder: did we ever make love? Was it ever more than sex, if his heart hadn't been in it the way mine was? He hung up and continued: "Do you know who did this?" "No," I croaked. He made a displeased sound and then made a note in a file. "Considering the nature of this incident I was forced to contact both your and mister Yuy's parents. Your father wasn't available for a meeting, however." I nodded. He never was available. "So you told him what's in the picture?" "Not over the phone, no, that is not proper conduct, but I expect he'll ask you about this." He could barely contain his smirk. Fucking asshole. He was loving it. I doubted my father would ever bother to reach out to me and ask me what this was all about, he honestly didn't care if I got myself in trouble. But Andrews didn't know that he would relish the thought of me having to come out to my father. "Since you both deny publicizing the pictures and there is no evidence proving your involvement, this incident will not lead to expulsion," He said matter-of-factly. "Seeing as this qualifies as online bullying I will hereby refer you to our school psychologist, should you need any emotional support..." "Thanks," I replied dryly. "And of course the school will start an investigation and hopefully we can figure out who was responsible." "Okay." "As a university, we can't be perceived as condoning this kind of sexual contact between our students, so I would normally assign one of you to a different dorm building, but since that won't be necessary you can stay in your current room and because it is so late in the year you won't get a new roommate." I frowned. "New roommate? What do you mean? I thought neither of us were going to get expelled." He folded his hands together on top of the desk. With barely contained glee he revealed: "Mister Yuy has not been expelled. However, based on his son's transgressions mister Lowe is refusing to pay the final tuition payment as well as the outstanding tuition debt. Without payment, mister Yuy is no longer allowed to attend classes or to live on the university campus." "It's only a month until graduation!" I protested. "You can't do this!" "I'm not doing anything. No payments equal no classes, equal no final exams and being unable to finish his courses, mister Yuy does not have the necessary credits to graduate." "This is bullshit!" "Mister Maxwell," He warned, "Do not give me reason to expel you after all." He glanced down at his watch. "According to your roster your next class will start in ten minutes. You are dismissed." With a frustrated growl I stormed out of his office and ran out the building. Outside I literally bumped into one of my classmates - because he moved into my path - who pressed a copy of the photo in my hands and started laughing. "I saved one for you! The janitors have nearly gotten rid of all of them!" His group of friends, standing a little further back, also laughed and catcalled. "Fuck me like you mean it!" One of them imitated in a ridiculous, high-pitched, moan-y voice. I realized the entire video was probably uploaded online and that was how he was able to quote one of the things Heero had said to me amidst the passion. My first, instinctual reaction was jealousy; an ugly, all-encompassing kind of jealousy. I hated the thought that all these guys had seen Heero naked and so intimately, even though most of them were straight and not in the least interested in him in that way. I didn't want to share Heero with anyone, much less those kinds of assholes. I pushed my way past the six foot tall obstacle and continued racing towards our dorm building, still holding the print-out. I climbed up the stairs two steps at a time and was out of breath by the time I reached the door to our dorm room. I was out of shape. I burst through the door and froze. The room had been completely ransacked. The closet door was open and Heero's clothes were gone. The sheets were pulled from the bottom bunk. His books and laptop were missing from the desk. For a moment I was too shocked to react in any way. He was gone. He was gone. The thought kept repeating itself but I just stood there dumbly. It was a truth too difficult to accept, until suddenly I let out the most pathetic wail I had ever heard - hardly believing I was hearing my own voice - and I started kicking the door and hitting the doorpost with my bare knuckles, beating them raw within a few punches. The picture fell to my feet. "Duo?" Someone tried meekly. I paused my rage and turned to face Norwood. He looked disturbed at the sight of my emotional state. "I'm so sorry," He started, his voice breaking. "It was a joke. I just wanted the guys to like me, to think I was cool." "What?" I seethed. I took a step towards him. "I wanted to show Nash I could be just like him. I didn't know it would get this bad. I thought it would be funny. I just wanted Nash and the other guys to finally like me!" He never saw my fist coming. I didn't even know I was going to hit him until after it had already happened. My sore, red knuckles impacted with his jaw and he fell backwards from the force of the blow. I stood over him with my fists balled at my sides. "I'm going to go now..." I said, my voice shaking and uneven. "Or else I might kill you." He stared up at me with big, frightened eyes, cupping his offended jaw with one hand. For a moment I wasn't sure if I could stop myself from hitting him again, or kicking him while he was down. I was disgusted by him. Heero and I had never treated him with anything other than respect and kindness and we stood up for him whenever the others bullied him. I remembered being like him - long ago. Being the outcast who just desperately wanted to belong. But I never stepped over anybody the way he did in the pursuit of popularity. To think he would betray us like that caused my entire body to quiver. In an instant I knew what had happened. My phone had been on the kitchen table last week when Heero and I were doing the dishes and Norwood had sat there, eating our goddamn leftovers! With our backs turned towards him, both of us lost in our own thoughts, he must have quietly sneaked a peek at my phone. I didn't understand what had motivated him. Maybe he had had suspicions about us, like Nash and Obie, and was looking for proof to get in with the popular crowd. Whatever his reasons, he had stabbed us in the back. Finally my feet shifted and I walked away. Behind me I could hear him release the anxious breath he had been holding. I didn't return until hours later when Norwood had long made himself scarce but the door to our room was still open and the picture was still on the floor. I went to work at the bar that evening because there was nothing else I could do. I didn't think going to Odin's house and asking to talk to Heero would be fruitful in any way. I shared the shift with Obie and during the quiet evening I told him the entire story, from start to finish; from having a crazy idea to falling madly in love. From finding the love of my life, to ruining his life. Obie listened attentively and in the end he asked a very simple question that sparked determination within me. "How much tuition money would he need to graduate?" I didn't know, but I was going to find out and I was going to pay for it, I decided. It was the least I owed him. Our relationship couldn't be the thing that cost him his diploma, not only would he never forgive me, I would never forgive myself. It didn't take much to persuade Obie to let me take all his shifts for the next week - even though he needed the cash too - and the next day I convinced a student employee working in Administration to look up the amount that 'Mister Yuy' was due. Considering our relationship - which the entire student-body knew about at that point - she didn't question the ethics of sharing that kind of information with me. It would take nearly three thousand dollars for Heero to be able to graduate with his class and the payment had to be done by next Monday or else his enrollment would be automatically cancelled and he wouldn't be allowed to attend class anymore anyway. As soon as she had spilled the beans I raced back to our dorm room - it would always be our dorm room - and I ripped the bottom drawer out of our desk. Between the clutter was the fancy Breitling box, with my ostentatious golden Christmas present inside. The retail value of the watch was over two thousand dollars but I realized that was not the sum I could get for it at a pawn shop. Still, with my bank account depleted after our trip to Japan, it was the only money I had. I had looked forward to giving it back to my parents as a symbolic 'Fuck you', but it served a far more important purpose now. I bartered with the man at the pawn shop for half an hour before resorting to pathetic pleas - none of which proved to be particularly effective. He took the gold watch and gave me thirteen hundred dollars for it. Although I had been aware it was a long shot, I still felt disappointed walking out of the shop with that kind of money. Even if I covered every shift until Monday and lucked out with generous tips, I still wouldn't have the cash necessary to pay Heero's tuition. I wished I had more things to sell. I would have sold anything and everything if I believed it had some true value, but I had nothing. There was only one thing I could do. Seated at the desk, in our dorm room, I stared at my phone that I had placed on the surface in front of me. I ran both hands through my hair and nervously jiggled my right leg. With determination I snatched the phone up and scrolled through my contacts. Filed under "M", with an appropriate measure of detachment, was a contact listed as: "Mister Maxwell". My dad. Holding the phone to my ear I stared straight ahead out the window. I would have called my mother if I believed she was allowed to do anything without my father's explicit permission. Two of my housemates were playing a one-on-one game of soccer, without a care in the world. I watched their impressive footwork as they performed tricks with the ball. I knew I had to be patient, my father only ever answered my calls if I let it ring annoyingly long, which alerted him that I wouldn't be giving up. "Duo," He said, foregoing any formality of a greeting. "Dad," I shot back in a similar, loveless tone. "First I get a call yesterday from the headmaster at that joke-of-a-school of yours and now you yourself are calling. This must be serious." His tone was dry. "I need to borrow some money." There was no point trying to ease him into this. His chuckle was low and contemptuous. "Aren't you the one who insisted on standing on his own two feet? I thought you were too proud to accept any money other than the tuition payments." "It's not for me," I tried to explain. "I got a friend of mine in trouble and now we need money for his tuition or else he won't be able to graduate." I was deliberately vague because the details of situation were more than likely to make him antagonistic. "I don't pay for your mistakes, Duo. You pay for your mistakes." "Should my friend pay for my mistakes?" I countered. "He knew what kind of person he was befriending." My free hand clenched into a tight fist and shuddered where it rested on my thigh. "Dad, please..." I had never begged him for anything. "You are the self-proclaimed independent son, Duo. Figure it out," He said condescendingly. My phone beeped. He had disconnected the line. I jumped up from my seat and started pacing back and forth in the room. My face was red and hot with anger and my fists trembled at my sides. I hated him. I hated him fiercely. I wished I could hurt him the way he had hurt me my entire life, but I feared at that point that even the disappointment of finding out that his own son was a homosexual wouldn't affect him to the extent that I wished it would. He had already cast me aside; he had stopped caring about me a long time ago. That evening I dragged my feet heading to the bar. I hoped I could at least scrape enough money together for an acceptable down payment, although I feared principal Andrews wouldn't accept Heero back before the amount was paid in full, he wouldn't be willing to make any lenient exceptions for the likes of us. Standing at the door I frowned at the crowd that had gathered inside. It was unusually busy, to say the least, the entire space was packed with people and Obie - who wasn't even supposed to be there because it was his shift I was covering - stood on top of the bar, enigmatically speaking to the cheering crowd. Confused, I opened the door and stepped inside. Obie accepted a large fishbowl that was handed to him by the other bartender. He got out his wallet and demonstratively put a fifty-dollar bill in the empty fishbowl before handing it to the nearest person. "You all know what you're here for, ladies and gentlemen! School is not the same without Heero Yuy here to make us look like idiots in comparison and I know we were all looking forward to what I'm sure will be a quotable-as-Hell, passive aggressive Valedictorian speech on his behalf at graduation. So, be as generous as you can afford to be! Let us raise our hands and give a big 'Fuck you!' to Andrews!" He threw his hand up, middle finger outstretched and every person present followed his lead. The bowl was passed from person to person and everyone deposited money into it. I was dumbstruck by the scene. Obie spotted me, frozen by the door, and called: "The main attraction has arrived!" Everyone turned to face me and started whistling, cheering and catcalling and Obie waved me over to join him on top of the bar. He helped me climb up and gave me a big hug before addressing the patrons, while I stood there awkwardly, with his arm around my shoulders. "To all the ladies who were dumped by Duo, or never even asked out by him..." He started. I made a face, was that really the way to gather sympathy for the cause? With a grin he continued: "Don't you feel much better now, knowing it wasn't your fault? The man was gay, for fuck's sake!" Everyone laughed and I, too, chuckled. "I think it's only fair that if we raise enough money tonight to pay for Heero's tuition," He paused for dramatic effect, "Duo will show us all his gratitude by performing a little striptease, before his boyfriend has him on lockdown for good!" I looked at him with big, frightened eyes. "Nononono..." "Ohh, yesss..." He drawled. We got off the bar and started serving people drinks as the volume of the music was turned up and the bowl was still going around. He asked me how much I was still short and I gave him the number. His mouth tightened but then he was quick to reassure me. "How on earth did you arrange this?" I asked, taking in the gathered crowd with bewilderment. "Social media, my cave-man friend," He answered smartly. "You have this many friends on Facebook?" He shrugged. "I had a little help... I asked Norwood to name the time and place on the same site where he uploaded the video of you guys- uh..." He flashed a grin to brush it off. "Everyone who watched the video from that point on got the invite to tonight's fundraiser. I guess it's safe to say the video is still very popular... Hey, if being an architect never pans out, you could always try your luck in the porn-industry." I punched his shoulder playfully and he laughed heartedly. "Do you mind sending me the link to that website, with the video?" I inquired. "Not at all man, it's your 'intellectual property'." He wondered as an afterthought: "Why?" "I think it might be a good opener to an email I should have written to my father a long time ago." "You sure about that?" He asked, although the idea caused a ridiculous grin to appear on his face. "Oh yeah." When I was at Administration, I asked the nice girl to look up my tuition as well and she informed me that the amount had been paid in full at the start of the academic year. There was nothing he could do to me, I was free. I had long fantasized about throwing my sexual orientation in his face as a final insult to his reputation, but I didn't even want to see him for that purpose. I was just going to have to imagine the look on his face when the news was revealed to him. He nodded and took a swig of a glass of beer he kept behind the counter. Observing the crowd, I noted absentmindedly: "Norwood helped, huh?" "Yeah. He feels really bad." "Good." I tapped myself a glass of beer. "Would you consider forgiving him if we manage to make things right?" I sighed. "Even if we get the money together, things won't be right. He still really fucked us over. And it's not like we would be together the way I want us to be. It wasn't the same for Heero. He doesn't love me." He raised his eyebrows. "How do you know?" I frowned. "Well... because he never said anything." "Did you tell him you love him?" He countered. "No, but... only because I was too afraid to fuck things up." He nodded sympathetically. "But maybe Heero was too afraid as well." His almost casual remark silenced me. He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "Think about that." With a final pat he got back to work. Could he be right? Did I dare to hope? What if Heero had been struggling with the same issues as I had? In love but too scared to admit it because he didn't think the feelings would be reciprocated. 'All because you wanted an easy fuck!' Heero had accused, clearly he believed it was still only about the sex for me, because I never communicated differently. 'Why should I give up Seattle? Tell me why? Give me a reason!' He had said. I had interpreted it as a challenge, but in hindsight it seemed a plea for me to finally say it. What if he had needed me to say it first? The way I had been naively waiting for him to take the initiative. "Hey bartender!" Someone called. I shook my head and turned around and spotted a familiar face at the bar. WuFei smiled at me and raised two fingers. "Can I have two beers?" It was only then that I noticed Sally, his long-time girlfriend, was with him. Shaking my head I got them two beers and set the glasses on the bar, right in front of them. He leaned over the bar and held out a hundred dollar bill. "Keep the change," He said and he laughed at my expression. I accepted the money with gratitude. "Did you hear from Heero?" He shook his head. Unannounced Nash jumped up onto the bar and gestured for the music to be turned up even louder. Clearly drunk, but well-spirited, he shouted: "Are you people ready for the half-time show?" He promptly started dancing to the heavy beat and seconds later his shirt flew into the crowd to a roar of laughter. Gyrating his hips, shaking his ass and swinging his arms he entertained the crowd, but even more so: himself. Nash wasn't much of a humanitarian, he wasn't the guy for the good cause, but he knew a good party when he saw one and would never pass that up. The bowl was returned to the bar and I watched from a distance as Obie counted the money. When he was done he handed the bowl back to a girl on the other side of the bar and told her to pass it around again. Evidently not enough money had been raised yet. He walked up to me and patted me on the shoulder. "Don't worry, man. We're close. We're gonna do this." We worked the bar for two more hours. My gaze kept shifting towards the crowd, watching the bowl nervously. It didn't fill up nearly as quickly as before and people were more focused on having a good time than taking out their wallets, many of them directly handed it over to the next person. I was incredibly nervous and spilled a lot of beer that evening. The bowl was deposited on the bar again and I let Obie count the money and add it up with the earlier load. It was taking so long and my heart was beating so irregularly I thought I wouldn't be able to stand it any longer and I would pass out. After an anxious re-count he looked at me and his face said it all. I stripped down to my underwear that night, in front of everyone. What the Hell, I figured, nothing they hadn't seen before. The sense of victory quelled the nerves. The next morning I wasted no time going to Administration to make the payment. The clerks were befuddled at the large, cash payment, but they were cooperative and made it work. Heero's tuition was paid in full and he was allowed back in class, effective immediately. With complete disregard for my own class schedule I took a taxi to his dad's place, expecting him to be there. Nobody answered the door, no matter how long I knocked. A sudden uneasiness overwhelmed me. Since his father obviously did not approve of his son's besmirched reputation he might have kicked him out. With nowhere else to go, could he have gone back to Japan? I was restless with fear. I hurried back to campus and waited by the doors of the indoor pool for Trowa to arrive for practice later in the afternoon. I had been to so many swim meets, I knew the schedule by heart. Trowa was the only other person in the world Heero would call a friend and he was my last hope to get in touch with him, to tell him that he could finish school and to finally tell him that I loved him. "Trowa!" I called out his name when I saw him approaching from the parking lot and I rushed towards him. "Please tell me you know where Heero is..." I was out of breath. "Yes, I know where he is. He's on my couch." I heaved a sigh of relief. "I need to see him. I need to talk to him." He shook his head. "I promised him I wouldn't let you get near him. Boy, is he pissed." He glared at me. "You have to take me to see him, please!" I begged. "I fixed it! Did you hear about last night? I fixed it! He can come back to class." Trowa looked off to the side and seemed frustrated with me. "Come on, Duo. Do you really think everything's alright now?" "No! That's why you have to let me talk to him!" "He doesn't want to see you!" He shouted. "Let me put it this way: you were right and I was wrong. He's gay. You made him realize that. Congratulations. And now you've wrecked him. I mean, a sex-tape? Seriously? That is asking for trouble." I stilled. "I know that was stupid," I finally said. "I know it was my fault. That's why I've been running around like a headless chicken these past couple of days trying to make things right! At least give me the chance to do that!" "I want to, but it's not my choice. He knows you don't know where I live and he made me promise not to tell you." "That is bullshit and you know it! You are not going to let me tell him that he can finish the year and graduate, at least?" "I'm sorry. I made a promise," He insisted. "I'll tell him he can come back if he wants to. Although honestly, I'm not sure if he will." "He's Heero, of course he'll come back. School is everything to him." "I'm not so sure anymore. He seems more upset about losing you than anything else..." Other team-members walked by us, most of them looking at us oddly. One of them patted me on the shoulder and I recognized his face from last night. "Awesome party, Maxwell," He commented in passing. Trowa waited until they had gone inside and were out of earshot before he offered: "I can bring him a letter, if you want." I groaned. "You've got to be kidding me with this 'I made a promise' crap!" The tall swimmer looked back at me sternly. I growled in frustration. "Fine! I'll write a letter. That'll be fucking romantic..." I looked down at my watch. "When is practice over?" "I'll be heading home in approximately two hours," He answered dryly. "Okay. I guess I should get started then. A rushed letter, even better," I snapped at him. "I made a promise," He repeated. "Yeah yeah yeah... I'll be back here in 'approximately two hours'." I jogged back to dorm building B and locked myself up in our room. I sat down on the lower bunk, which still smelled like both of us and took my sketchbook into my lap as a hard surface to write on. Page after page was crumpled up and discarded. I was no good with words! Everything I wrote fell short of what I felt. How was I supposed to convince him to not only stop hating me, but to also start loving me when every poem I had ever written had started with "Roses are red"? I was more of a visual person and so was Heero. I remembered one of the pictures that had been spread around campus was still on my desk and I got up to get it. I stared down at the image. It wasn't just sex. It couldn't be. Not for me and not for him. There was something there, I saw it in both our lustful gazes. Heero had to see that too, but he had always been too embarrassed to even really look at what was happening between us. I had to make him see and maybe I could by asking him to look at this picture more closely. Boldly I wrote a variation of my previous attempts at a letter on the backside of the printed image and I folded it into a blank page torn from my notebook and taped the ends together to hide both the image- and the text-side from view. By the time I was done I had little time to spare, so I went to the parking lot and waited for Trowa. Only a few minutes after I had arrived he walked out the building with his hair still wet and he looked at me expectantly. I handed him the letter, wordlessly urging him to make him read it. He nodded and stowed it away safely in his gym bag. "Give him some time, okay?" "He can't afford to miss any more classes." "I'm sure one more day won't make that much of a difference. Just... don't freak out if he's not back here first thing tomorrow. He can take the weekend if that's what he needs." "Yeah. Yeah, okay. I won't start stalking you or anything." He smiled slightly and got into his car. I waved goodbye halfheartedly and watched him drive off. Heero didn't return the next day and in spite of Trowa's words, that had me worried. I forced myself to go to class because I couldn't risk not graduating myself and after an unhealthy dinner I worked my regular evening shift at the bar. My heart sank every time someone came up to me and asked me if Heero was back yet. I didn't know what to tell them. I certainly wasn't going to spill any of the personal details of our troubled relationship, but some of these people did donate money so he could come back. I offered some bullshit excuse that the paperwork hadn't come through yet and that he couldn't start classes again until Monday. They didn't press on, few were actually interested to begin with, mostly it was just a segue for them to compliment or tease me about my awkward striptease. No one seemed put off by the fact that I was gay now. Their teasing was not malicious and it was more so about the video than about our sexual orientation, the reaction probably wouldn't have been much different if I had had sex with a girl in the leaked video. That was a relief, not so much for myself, but for Heero, because he had expressed being worried about other students judging us. When I went home late at night I was nervous as I unlocked the door. Holding my breath, I stepped inside and hesitated before I flicked the lights on. He still hadn't come back yet. I slept in the lower bunk like I had the previous night. His scent was fading and I mostly smelled myself - pineapples and a rainstorm, as Heero had said. I smiled and remembered the drunken almost-kiss that had started it all. The memory seemed from so long ago and in a way it was, it was a different lifetime; I was a different person, we both were. It would be an altogether different lifetime once more if I had to go on without him. On Saturday there was a knock on the door and I sat upright so violently that I bumped my head against the underside of the top bunk. Rubbing the top of my head I stumbled out of bed and towards the door. I was uncoordinated and dizzy but I managed to unlock the door and rip it open. The hopeful expression fell from my face when I was met with Obie, holding a basketball tucked under his muscular arm. "Jeez, I know I'm not the person you were hoping to see, but at least make an effort to hide your blatant disappointment," He joked in a valiant attempt to lighten my mood. I muttered an apology and tiredly sat myself down in one of the desk chair - Heero's desk chair, but I was no longer sure if that mattered. He invited himself into the room and closed the door behind him and put away the basketball on the foot end of the top bunk. "The place is a mess," He observed. "And so are you." All I could do was shrug. "Want to come shoot some hoops with me and the guys?" He picked up the basketball and spun it on his finger, nearly dropping it. "I want to eat chocolate. Drink beer. Sleep. Repeat." "Yeah, I was worried you would say that. Come on, get dressed. We've got to keep you in shape." He threw the ball at me and I reflexively caught it. I held it in my lap and traced the black lines with my thumb. "I don't want to..." "You'll feel better after a bit of a work-out. And then you can shower and look your best for when Heero shows up." I snorted at his optimism. "Come on! Please?" The door burst open unannounced and WuFei barged in, barking: "I told you, you have to be harsh with him to get him off his ass. Come on, you slow-poke." "What are you doing here?" He disregarded my question and swatted the ball out of my lap and grabbed my wrists to hoist me up out of my seat. "Get dressed. We're playing ball." I stared at him with a deepening frown. "Seriously, why are you here?" I tried to study his face but he was unreadable. "Did you hear from Heero? Do you know something I don't? Are you here for my emotional support?" I was uncomfortable with the amount of vulnerability in my voice but I lacked the motivation as well as the strength to pretend I was unaffected. "I'm here to play basketball, Obie invited me to come play when I was at the bar Thursday." He replied simply, but then continued with a sigh: "I haven't heard from him. But I'm sure everything will turn out fine." He opened the closet and got out a pair of sweatpants and red T-shirt and threw it at me. "Let's go." "Fine... Fine..." I unfolded the shirt but waited for them to leave. When they didn't I raised my eyebrows at them. "Oh sure, now he is mister Modesty," Obie deadpanned, but with rumbling laughter he and WuFei exited the room and waited for me in the hallway. Dressed in comfortable clothes and wearing my sport shoes I followed them to the fenced, outdoor basketball court where a couple of our regular teammates were waiting. It took me while to get invested in the game. I couldn't help but feel like my friends were preparing me to move on with my life and I caught myself being distracted by their faces, wondering if I could detect some measure of pity in them, but their expressions solely betrayed a focus on the ball. None of them went easy on me and didn't refrain from expressing their displeasure when I missed a couple of shots that I normally would have made if my thoughts weren't so all over the place. I snarled back at them - "You were the ones who insisted that I should play!" - but their ribbing successfully incited me and I didn't miss the next shot. We had been playing for about two hours when one of the guys from the other team announced he had to shower and get dressed for his date. Being the immature boys that we were we mocked him as he walked off. "Don't forget to blow-dry your hair!" "Leave enough time to polish your nails!" "Make sure your purse matches your shoes!" I joined in. They looked at me a little oddly and then one of them made the obvious joke that surely they had all been dying to make, but a little too apprehensive to do so. "That's 'Queer eye for the straight guy' right there." I blinked and my momentary silence unnerved them. They were all visibly relieved when I started to laugh. "You're so fucking gay, Duo," Obie said as lighthearted banter. "Yeah... doesn't it make you all feel uncomfortable that I'm gay and yet I've still had more pussy than all of you?" I shot back. The group roared with laughter. "Oh, snap! Maxwell takes no prisoners." "If I did you'd all be my bitch." They protested loudly at the assertion but never stopped laughing, until one of them asked: "How are we going to play with uneven teams?" Before any of them could suggest that two hours had been plenty long enough, I replied: "Players on the bigger team could take turns on the bench." Although I had been reluctant to join them on the court initially, I was enjoying the distraction and I didn't want to go back to the room and worry about all sorts of things. Ready for a refreshing drink I said: "I'll sit this one out." I slipped through the gate and took a seat on the bench - the bench where Heero and I had kissed that one night - and took a drink from one of the bottles of water we had purchased in advance. I watched the game closely, it was all I could do to stop my mind from wandering; from remembering the soft, wet sounds his lips made when I kissed him tenderly and the way his chest heaved with quickened breaths when I wrapped my arms around him and held him to me tightly. Obie made an excellent pass to WuFei, who dribbled towards the other end for the opponent's net. Just as he reached the three-point line the Chinese man stopped dead in his tracks and the ball, with its forward momentum, escaped him and was easily picked up by one of the guys from the other team, but he, too, halted suddenly and before long all six players were looking off in the same direction, with frozen, dumbfounded expressions on their faces. "What?" I turned my head to follow their line of sight and shot up from the bench when a slender figure dressed in black skinny jeans and a denim blouse came into focus. Heero paused a few yards away. He looked at me intently. His right hand adjusted the strap of his heavy duffel bag on his shoulder. I started towards him - my heart nearly leaping from my chest - but then I stopped myself as I realized he might not have come back to me, but only intended to finish his classes and graduate. I had given him that option in my letter and I would accept it, albeit heartbroken, if that had been his decision. My breaths were shaky and uneven as I watched and waited. Without breaking eye-contact he reached up his hand again and this time he pulled the strap off his shoulder and carefully lowered the bag to the concrete ground. I heard the other guys move to the far end of the court to give us some privacy, quietly talking among themselves, but I paid them no heed. He took his first step towards me, hesitated briefly, but then walked up to me and he didn't stop until we were as close together as we could be without touching. At that point I had stopped breathing. His eyebrows twitched into a brief frown. His beautiful eyes were stormy but I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "I've been wanting to punch you so much these past couple of days," He admitted in a low whisper. I opened my mouth but could produce no sound. He moved and I reactively squeezed my eyes shut, expecting to be socked in the face, but instead I felt his hands on my neck and he pushed himself up on the tips of his toes, pressing our chests together and his lips met mine demandingly. Relief crashed into me a tidal wave, so much so that I nearly lost my balance. I shifted my feet and leaned into him, my arms encircled his slim waist and I kissed him back feverishly and gratefully. He was back. He was mine. The group of guys that had been watching us not-so-secretively erupted in whistles and catcalls and my heart clenched. I was afraid they might chase him away, as if he hadn't previously been aware of their presence and would be startled by them. But he bravely didn't allow the kiss to falter and he didn't part our mouths until he was satisfied. He pulled back just far enough for me to see his softened expression. My lips formed a silly smile and he smiled back at me. Finally, he said: "I love you too." Heero, A picture is worth a thousand words. This picture is no exception. There are the obvious words that everyone can see: Sex, Gay, Sweat, Heat, Lust... 999 words are used to say all that is on the surface and though each of those words is a part of the truth, the last word is the most important. The word no one heard or saw, even though I see it clearly now and I should have told you again and again. The thousandth word is Love. I love you. If Love is not something you see in this picture, than please, at least come back to finish school. Your tuition is paid. Get your degrees. Go to Seattle. Forget about us; forget about these thousand words and forgive me that I won't. In you I have found the love that I have been searching for my entire life. You complete me. I was too scared to tell you before. I'm not scared anymore. If you love me too, I hope you won't be afraid either. If we're brave enough, we can make this work and I won't let you down again. Come back to me; make me whole. I will make love to you properly, and I will love you forever. Love, Duo THE END Wow, another story complete. And it only took me three years -.- Everyone, thank you so much for reading. I would be honored if you would share your final thoughts on the story with me.
On to the sequel: Hundred Days |
