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"Thousand words"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, angst, fluff, Lemon, OOC Pairings: 2x1 Summary: Duo and Heero have to share a dorm room
in college and they become best friends. When they discover that neither
has time for, nor interest in a girlfriend, they explore a friends
with benefits relationship. But sex never remains uncomplicated. " Thousand words" Chapter Nineteen I had always loved the sound of my charcoal pencil scratching the surface of a clean piece of paper as I started a new drawing. It had been a lullaby to me since my childhood, in the absence of a mother's loving song. With the pencil I could create anything I wanted, any kind of fantasy. It served not only as an escape but as a boost to my confidence as well. I would always have my art. I could draw fantastical landscapes to replace the drab, cold interior of my father's office where I spent most my of youthful days, under the disinterested watch of a self-proclaimed over-qualified secretary. And I never needed any friends, I could draw amazing characters that no person in real life could ever live up to; elves, exotic assassins and scarred dragon slayers. I loved drawing, but now... not so much. With a grumble rising from the frustrated depths of me I reached for my eraser and scrubbed away the handful of lines that crossed the white sheet in front of me. Even after nearly four years my hand still seemed inexperienced at drawing the straight lines that a would-be architect was expected to master. For a technical drawing I would use my ruler and other tools, but a sketch had to be done freehand so as not to disrupt the creative flow. Most of the times I would succeed after a couple of failed attempts, but right now every time I leaned back to appraise my work I noticed the lines were bowed and curved and not parallel. For a sketch the lines needn't be perfect, but they certainly had to be better than that, or the whole design would be lost. Gripping the pencil tightly I connected the tip with the paper and dragged down to start anew. I cursed when I realized I had applied too much pressure in my frustration and I had created a thick, heavy line. Fervently I scrubbed at it with the eraser but it wouldn't fully disappear, irking me endlessly. I was very much tempted to reach for my personal sketchbook and finish that drawing of Heero I had started earlier that day. One of my lectures had gotten cancelled - the visiting professor was supposed to fly in from L.A., but his flight had been delayed. I had taken a seat outside, the weather was improving noticeably every day, and without much thought I mapped out the contours of my favorite subject. I had to tuck the project away when Obie and a couple of his friends approached me. I itched to complete it, not because it was a fantasy I wanted to further indulge myself in, but because it was a memory that I wanted to preserve. We had headed out to class in the early morning. Heero had a lecture in Auditorium B and I had a presentation in Auditorium A, which were obviously located right next to each other. Also located there was the janitor's closet that I knew to always be unlocked, based on my past experiences of dragging girlfriends in there. We were far too early, I had miscalculated the amount of time necessary for my detour to get coffee, there was no line and my caffeine haul took less than two minutes. With the doors to the auditoria still locked and the hallway otherwise abandoned, I had coaxed Heero into coming into the janitor's closet with me, to ease my nerves. In the darkness we immediately grabbed each other and made out, clawing at clothes and tugging at handfuls of hair. After a while I turned him around and pushed him against the metal shelving, pressing my hard, clothed dick against his behind. Taking in a raspy breath Heero warned me that we shouldn't have sex and at that moment I agreed, perfectly content to dry-hump him. He certainly seemed to like it too, moaning gratuitously. That was one thing I liked about my sexual relationship with Heero, he made me feel like a horny teenager again, I would get hard at the slightest touch and if I wasn't careful I could come embarrassingly easily. There was sweat on my temples and on my back, making my shirt cling to me. I busied my mouth kissing the back of his neck and pulling the collar of his shirt wide to expose his shoulder to lick and nip at it. My shaky hands unzipped my fly and pushed his pants down just far enough. "Duo," He had warned me with a voice dripping with need as my erection lined up with the cleft of his ass. "Yeah yeah yeah..." I licked my palm and wetted my dick, truly with the intention of only making it easier to rub my arousal between his ass cheeks. But once I had gotten myself slicked up I realized it wouldn't be enough to just hump against him. I took hold of the base of my cock and held it steady and pushed into him with one swift, powerful thrust. Heero screamed - honestly screamed - and adjusted his grip on the metal shelves, knocking over God knows what but it made an awful sound as it was pushed off the shelf and fell to our feet. We both froze, scared that someone might have heard, but the hallway was still completely silent, no one seemed to be there. "Duo," He gritted through his teeth. "Fuck." "I'm sorry. Shit. You make me lose control," I said sheepishly. "Stop talking," He hissed over his shoulder, "Just fuck me already." I grinned and obliged him. Foregoing all gentleness I pounded into him, knowing we had to make it quick if we wanted to make it out of the closet before students would start to gather in the hallway. I fucked him so hard. The shelves rattled and knocked against the wall with every thrust. Heero moaned incessantly, arching his back and meeting my thrusts and he would beg me: "Harder! Fuck me harder!". At some point he looked over his shoulder. I could barely see his face but I saw enough to have my breath taken away. The way his mouth was open and his lower lip was wet. His eyes were hooded, the orbs dark. He reached up and dug his fingers into my hair, pulling my face closer to his and he orchestrated a deep, passionate kiss. It was that exact moment that I wanted to remember forever. We both came shortly after, in the aftermath of the intense fuck we had both been reduced to whimpering, quivering messes. We cleaned up as best as we could and I tentatively poked my head out through the door. With the coast clear we got out and went to our classes. Of course I hadn't been able to focus all day. Since my paper was ruined by a curved line that wouldn't go away I crumpled the sheet in my hands and tossed it aside, starting anew on a fresh sheet. I hadn't even put the tip of my pencil on the surface when the door opened behind me and Heero quietly slipped into our bedroom, dropping his bag on his bed. "'Sup?" I greeted. There was no response. I frowned. I hadn't seen him since our little escapade in the janitor's closet and when he didn't greet me I was worried he was upset about the fact that I fucked him even though we had previously agreed that I wouldn't. I was about to turn around in my seat and apologize profusely - and genuinely - when Heero effectively eased away my concern. He came to stand behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. When he leaned forward until his mouth was near my ear, he let his hands stroke down my torso and back up. I could feel the warmth of his hands through my thin shirt and the heat of his breath in my ear. I moaned contently at the unexpected attention. It was much appreciated. I sported a smug smirk when I heard him whisper in my ear: "I've been sore all fucking day." "Really?" I couldn't contain my glee. The thought that Heero walked around all day with such a 'reminder' of me pleased me. And I frankly loved that he didn't seem bothered by it. "I still can't sit right." Absentmindedly his hands massaged my pectorals, shoulders and arms. I felt a tingle running down my spine, realizing he, too, seemed turned on by the way I had 'marked' him as my own that day. Playing along, I reminded him: "Who was the one who kept telling me to fuck him harder?" "I really hate you sometimes." I let out a breathy chuckle. "Sure you do." I looked down at myself with a crooked grin and a slight blush. His ministrations were relatively innocent but fuelled by the psychological excitement my dick twitched and slowly hardened, tenting my loose-fitting sweatpants. I didn't have to wait long to see how he would react. A wet kiss was placed on my jaw but it only distracted me momentarily. I caught sight of his hand trailing down my body and watched intently as it slipped inside the front of my pants. I wasn't wearing any underwear. If that caught him off guard, or put him off in any way, he didn't let it show and started pulling on my cock. His technique was straightforward and rather rough - which I supposed was revenge for the way I had fucked him that morning, but I didn't mind in the least, instead I enjoyed the roughness and the urgency. I leaned my head back and looked up at him. He understood the hint and captured my lips in a heated kiss. The rhythm of his hand never wavered. I could feel myself starting to get close. I ended the kiss and looked down at where his hand disappeared into my pants and I could see it moving up in down in long strokes of his tight fist. Glancing at him sideways I saw Heero was watching intently as well, a look of concentration and determination on his face, but his clouded eyes betrayed his intense lust. "I'm going to come soon if you keep going." "That's the point." "I want to fuck you." He chuckled. "No fucking way. I wasn't just being cute when I told you I was sore." I scrunched up my face, worried I might have really been too rough with him earlier that day. "I'm sorry." He looked at me and placed a brief, firm kiss on my mouth to reassure me. Heero redirected his attention to where his hand was moving up and down in my lap, but I kept staring at his face, studying his fine features, realizing with a slight ache in my chest that my drawings failed to capture all of his beauty; the intricacy and delicacy of the artistry and refinement of his face. But getting drunk on the glory of the reality I let my orgasm flood me, letting out a low, drawn out moan. After a few more pumps he retracted his hand and stepped back. I was sated and tired following my release, but I immediately sat upright and swiveled my chair around so I was facing him. Heero quirked an eyebrow at me when I reached for his hips and pulled him one step closer to me. Understanding what I was offering he helped my uncoordinated fingers undo his jeans and push them down along with his briefs. His swollen member was revealed right in front of me and I sucked it into my mouth unceremoniously. It wasn't long before he spilled his semen on my tongue, his hands on my head holding me still, making me take all of it as he rode the waves of his orgasm. I released him from my mouth and kept him steady with a strong grip of my hands on his hips. He was shaking so much I worried he would pass out and drop down to the floor. We both took our time to regain our composure and then it was back to business as usual. "Did you make plans for dinner, yet?" He asked, pulling up and fastening his jeans. "No... maybe take-out..." "I'm making pasta. I have plenty, you want some?" "Not that vegan, tofu, whole-wheat, low-fat, zero carbs shit, right?" "Now you're just making things up. It's plain old, regular pasta." I beamed a smile. "Then I'd love some." "There's just no meat in the sauce," He confessed. "What? That's... fine." My friend headed to the door. "You mind helping out?" "Not at all." I jumped up from my seat, pausing to readjust myself in my pants and then followed him downstairs. We cooked and had dinner together. Few words were exchanged between us. Occasionally one of the other guys would come into the kitchen to fetch a soda from the fridge or to reheat yesterday's pizza. Sitting next to him at the small table in the kitchen I waited for one of the juniors - who I didn't really know - to leave and then snaked my arm out and casually placed my hand on Heero's thigh. He instantly reached for my hand and I expected to be swatted away, but instead he laid his hand on top of my own and left it there. He never once looked at me. Thankfully, or he would have seen my goofy, pleased expression, which would have alarmed him. At the sound of approaching footsteps Heero's hands disappeared and I pulled my own back into my lap. "Hey, Norwood. What's up?" I greeted. Norwood was a bit of the runt of the litter in our dorm house. He probably wasn't happy that he got shacked up with the jocks and the likes of Nash. I always tried to be nice to him, considering the hard time the others were giving him, but he was a difficult guy to talk to; he was likable enough but a bit of an ass-kisser in his everlasting attempt to gain the respect of the other guys. But I would never forget what Heero had told me, that if it wasn't for his friendship with me, he would be just like Norwood; an outcast and the subject of constant bullying. That in itself made me more sympathetic to the odd guy. "Hey, Duo. Heero. Nothing's up. I'm fine." He opened up the fridge and clicked his tongue as he searched for something that could resemble dinner. "Would you like some pasta?" I offered, looking at Heero to verify if that would be alright. Heero shrugged, his way of giving his consent. He looked at the pan on the stove. There was more than enough left to fill up a plate. "Are you sure?" "Yeah, of course. Help yourself." "Thanks. Thanks, Duo. Heero." He got a plate from a cabinet but took only a small amount, too self-conscious to take all that was left. He heated it up in the microwave, shifting uncomfortably as he waited. When the microwave beeped I said: "You can join us if you like." I nodded at the empty seat across from us. Heero glanced at me sideways. He wasn't really a fan of socializing, but I wanted to be nice and in the end Heero made no objections when Norwood sat down across from us. "Thanks," He said again and then took a polite, small bite. I smiled and shook my head and focused on my own meal. Norwood started talking to fill the silence, which I was actually grateful for. I replied infrequently with the Heero-Yuy-trademarked 'Hn', or a single syllable word to feign interest in the conversation. It was too much to ask me to get into a discussion about some fantasy-game I had only ever heard of in passing. Heero didn't look up from his plate, eating mechanically, completely detached from the social interaction. While I continued to look at Norwood to keep up pretenses I moved my hand under the table and splayed it on Heero's thigh again. My lover tensed and stilled, even though Norwood obviously couldn't see anything, unless he had X-ray vision like one of his favorite game-characters. He didn't cover my hand with his own but he didn't push me away either. I smiled at the small victory which caused Norwood to get all excited as he mistakenly interpreted my smile as interest in his story, so he elaborated with more, meaningless details. I didn't mind. I wasn't really listening. I enjoyed the heat radiating from Heero's leg and the way his muscles eventually relaxed underneath my touch. Bitterly I wished I could place my hand lovingly on his leg whenever I pleased, regardless of what company we were in, for all years to come. But I had to revel the closeness for as long as it could last. I would watch him, touch him, suck him and fuck him as often as he allowed in the vain hope that it would bore me before the academic year was through; the way you get sick of hearing a song you love when you've heard it too often. I didn't expect it to actually work, but I would at least enjoy giving it a try. Without any warning Nash burst into the kitchen, shuffling his feet to keep himself steady as he carried a heavy crate of bottled beers to the counter. Reflexively I took my hand off Heero, hoping my movements weren't so sharp that they could be noticed. Nash wasn't an inherently bad guy - I wanted to believe that - but I didn't trust him after the stunt he had pulled. We had to be especially careful around him, the prankster was like a machine in his never-ending search for his next joke, like a shark patrolling the waters and we had already inadvertently spilt blood into the open sea. "Hey guys, enjoying your little tea party?" He teased. He leaned the small of his back against the counter and grinned at us. "You boys make a nice little threesome." Norwood went beet red. Heero didn't show his discomfort beyond tensing up. I stared back at him, pretending that the comment didn't set my teeth on edge. "Planning another party?" "You're old team is playing tonight," Nash informed, referring to the basketball team that I had quit. "Never much reason for celebration but people sure as Hell always feel like getting wasted after those games." He laughed and ripped open the door of the refrigerator, moving around other people's products to make room for the beer. "Couldn't score a keg in time though, so spread the word: it's bring-your-own-beer night." "I won't be attending. I'm working," I looked down at my watch. "Shit, in like, twenty minutes." I sighed and berated myself for not finishing that sketch that was due the next day. Nash popped open one of the lukewarm beers and took a swig. His eyes were mischievous. "What about you, Norwood?" Norwood tried to be casual and cool, but his reply was stammered. "Yeah, to-totally count me in. I love to party." He looked around uncomfortably. Nash laughed. "Awesome. And what about misses Maxwell?" Heero dropped his fork in his nearly empty plate and glared up at the jester. I got up from my seat. "That's quite enough, don't you think, Nash?" My tone was cold and I hoped to intimidate him. "Dude, relax, why do you guys always have to take everything so seriously?" He waved his hand dismissively and then marched out of the kitchen. Norwood helped us clean up the dishes and thanked us again for dinner. Once he vacated the room and went upstairs Heero turned to me with his hands on his hips. "Are you sure he doesn't know?" He pressed. "Nash doesn't know shit, okay?" I bit on the inside of my cheek. Not yet anyway. "Relax. He's always been like this. Just because the 'misses Maxwell' stuff has a double meaning for us now doesn't mean anything has changed. He has called you that since Junior year." He sighed. "You're right. It just... Fuck. It irks me." I chuckled at him. "If you don't let it get to you, he won't have a clue." I looked at my watch again and announced I had to leave. "See you later. Try not to kill anyone during this party, okay?" "I make no promises," He grumbled. After a quick glance to make sure the coast was clear I leaned forward and planted short, firm kiss on his mouth. His shocked expression made me smile. Normally we only kiss or touch with sex being the ultimate goal. Never 'just because'. "Bye." I walked away and I heard Heero's belated, meek goodbye by the time I reached the front door of the dorm building. Walking into the campus bar I saw Obie had already arrived to relieve the employees of the afternoon shift and while they were hanging out, tiredly draped over the bar, he rearranged the things that they had misplaced, without complaint. He waved at me with the dishtowel when he spotted me at the door. I greeted the other bartenders but I didn't know them very well. The Juniors were always scheduled for the afternoon shifts. I never bothered to befriend any of them. They left shortly after I arrived, dragging their feet, as if they had it so tough. As a Senior approaching graduation I longed for my course-load from the first two years, the volume of which paled in comparison to what I was expected to do now. "Glad to be working the shift with you, mate." He fist-bumped me. "Yeah." "If you want to go home because of that party at your place, you can leave early, I don't mind. It's going to be a quiet night anyway." I shrugged and needlessly realigned a row of beer glasses. "Nah... Nash's parties... aren't really my 'scene', if you'll excuse the expression." He chuckled heartedly. "I know, but I figured you might want to save Heero from suffering through that terrible fate by himself." I smiled in return but cocked an eyebrow, not entirely sure what to think of his comment. Maybe I was getting as suspicious as Heero. "He's a big boy. He can manage." "Sure." He dropped the subject and asked if I was free for a friendly game of basketball tomorrow. I furrowed my brows. "I have that workshop. I don't know when I'll get off." "Well, if you finish early, you know where to find us. It's probably more fair to play in uneven teams, we always beat them, after all." I grinned at the gross exaggeration. "How's married life?" "It's... interesting." After failing to suppress a snort, I inquired: "Yeah, is that good or bad?" "A little bit of both." From his ambiguous reply I figured he didn't want to get into the specifics, so I quietly went to work, confident he knew he could talk to me if he wanted or needed to. "It's just..." He started again, frowning at himself. I smiled and turned around to give him my undivided attention. "She wants to do a semester abroad," Obie continued, "And on one hand I want her to, because she really wants it. But on the other hand... we're married. Shouldn't we... I dunno... stick together?" I didn't know what to tell him. I was hardly an expert on the do's and don'ts of marriage, my parents hadn't exactly been a good example; they hardly saw each other. I did, however, know a thing or two about your loved-one leaving the country, so I easily sympathized. "It's not like she'll be gone forever, she'll come back once the semester is over." "Shit, right- I'm sorry." He looked at me apologetically - pitifully, in fact. "What?" "Well, fuck, I'm standing here complaining about Jenny moving away for a couple of months when Heero's leaving for good." I stammered: "So? Heero and I aren't married." "You know what I mean. He's your best friend and you're never going to see him again." Following more stammering and stuttering on my part, looking for a rebuttal, I managed: "It's not like we're never going to see each other again." "Yeah, yeah right." He nodded his head but he was clearly unconvinced. "He could come back to the States for a visit... or- or I could go see him in Japan. And we'll Skype!" I didn't know why I was arguing, I actually agreed with Obie's observations. I supposed it was just frightening to hear it be said out loud, by an objective observer. "Sure." Awkwardly he searched for something to do, to distract from the conversation. I didn't say anything else. I wouldn't know what to say to convince him, let alone to convince myself. I tried to have some fun with Obie during our shift but he was stiff and withdrawn; maybe worrying about his relationship with Jenny, or worrying about the awkward topic he had brought up regarding me and Heero. Although I couldn't figure out how he could have possibly found out, the creeping thought remained that he might know Heero was more to me than just a friend; he was treading so lightly and being so sensitive. The possibility that he might know tempted me to come right out and say it, or at least admit to my recent discovery that girls weren't really my thing after all. Obie was a good friend, I should be able to tell him, but I felt like I would be betraying Heero's trust if I confided in Obie. I didn't enjoy having to be secretive, knowing it would create a distance between me and the tall basketball player that would likely end our friendship, but my focus was on my relationship with Heero. In the end I did leave the bar a little early. Normally I wouldn't have minded to stick around, but with the atmosphere being as unpleasant as it was, I felt it would be best to cut the night short and we could just act normal to each other again the next day. I could hear the fast-paced, booming music as I approached the dorm building. By the front door the smokers had gathered in a circle, laughing and passing around a lighter. I didn't know any of them so none of them even looked at me when I walked past them. Inside the bass was absolutely deafening. I was startled when an arm was suddenly flung over my shoulder and I ended up supporting most of Nash' weight as he drunkenly hung off me. "Your team lost!" He informed me. "It's not my team anymore!" I shouted in return to be heard over the track currently playing. "That's right, you 'don't play for that team anymore'!" With his one free hand he made 'air-quotations'. Dismissing the fact that I loathed it when people used their fingers to make that signal on either side of their head, as if punctuation had any place in verbal speech, I couldn't help but wonder if Nash was still taking shots in the dark, not really knowing that he was hitting the mark with his gay-jokes, or if he knew more than I gave him credit for. I scrunched up my face, not liking what keeping this secret did to me. It was making me so suspicious, everything was analyzed; overanalyzed; doubly analyzed. Every conversation was a quest for hidden meanings and double innuendo's. It was exhausting. "You're free to get a beer from the fridge if you want." "I thought it was 'bring-your-own-beer' night." He slapped his other hand against my chest. "Not you! We are brothers! My brother from another mother!" I rolled my eyes at him, turning my head away at the heavy, bitter stench of beer every time he opened his mouth. "Of course we are." I peeled him off me and handed his unsteady frame over to a random passer-by who clearly had no clue as to what to do with the hopeless drunk. Worrying for my lover's sanity with the music playing so obnoxiously loud I wasted no further time and headed up to our room. Heero was hunched over the desk, the weight of his head supported on one hand, the fingers dug into his hair. At the sound of the door opening behind him he called: "Fuck off!" "Woah, quite the welcome." I closed the door behind me. He turned around in his chair. "Sorry, I thought you were Nash. He keeps bothering me." I scoffed. Not to be rude, but I knew Nash wasn't Heero's biggest fan, no love was lost between the two of them. "What, did he want you to come downstairs and join the party?" "No, he wanted me to go on a beer-run." Letting out a single laugh I dropped down in the empty seat next to his and glanced at the papers spread out messily on the surface of the desk. "Watcha doin'?" "Nothing," He sighed, exasperated. "Literally nothing. I can't do anything with that Goddamn music." I shrugged and bobbed my head to the beat. "It's not that bad." "It's atrocious," He deadpanned. "That's not really fair. It's just not the kind of music that you put on when you're studying. It's the kind of music you dance to. In that context, I actually like it." "You can dance to this as well as you can dance to a dripping water tap, it's nothing but a repetitive tone. Over and over and over." "Come on!" I jumped to my feet. "Don't tell me you can't get freaky to this beat!" I laughed at his scrunched up face. I started to dance in the most ridiculous was possible, jumping up and down, wiggling my hips, doing the classic eighties moves of 'the lawnmower' and 'the sprinkler'. Pretty quickly I succeeded in getting him to laugh. I leaned forward and took hold of his hands, aiming to pull him out of his seat. He resisted, digging his heels into the carpet and leaning his weight back. "No! No! Duo, I'm serious." The fact that he was laughing uncontrollably suggested otherwise. "Come on, baby, dance with me!" He resisted a little while longer but then, with a sigh that kind of sounded like 'fine', he rose from the chair and started jumping up and down with me to the rhythm of the upbeat hip hop track that had just started playing downstairs. He mimicked my nerdy dance moves even more stiffly, making every routine look like 'the robot'. But as the embarrassment faded he started to enjoy himself. With our hands up in the air we were jumping, spinning and gyrating our hips. It reminded me of our night at the club; good memories. I reached out for him and pulled his swaying body closer to mine, effectively making our dance more sensual. He continued to laugh innocently, rolling his head back as I started to 'vogue', making silly faces. The cd player changed tracks, causing Heero to groan and he explained: "I've heard this song five times already this evening." I put my hands on his hips and inched him closer still. Teasingly he brushed his lips against mine, but he pulled back with a smirk whenever I leaned in for a proper kiss. "I really hate this song." When there was suddenly the sound of a door opening we jumped apart. Heero nearly jumped clear across the room and I hit my back against the mirror on the closet door. We both turned our heads but there was nothing to see. Relief visibly washed over him once we heard that same door close and we realized it was the door of the neighboring room. We heard the high-pitched giggle of a girl and then the creak of a bed. "Jesus." I ran my finger through my hair. My heart was beating in my throat, I knew very well that if we would ever be walked in on, my relationship with Heero would be ruined. We looked at each other and laughed sheepishly. Much to Heero's dismay the volume of the music was turned up even louder. "Want to get out of here?" "Yes." We put on our coats. Heero took one of his textbook and I grabbed my sketchpad just in case inspiration would hit me. We made our way through the crowd pretty much unnoticed. Outside the temperature still dropped quite low at night, but I enjoyed the crisp, fresh air and our coats were plenty warm enough. As we started to walk around aimlessly Heero suggested to go to the university library, which was open 24/7. "Nah." I nodded at the bench by the outdoor basketball court. "Let's stay out here and go sit there." I didn't feel like going to the library. The main area was open all through the night but the doors to the private study rooms were locked, to keep the building manageable for the single night watch. I didn't want to sit next to some Freshman cramming for exams, having to be quiet. The library was always silent but at night you could get glared at for turning a page... or breathing. We sat down on the bench and I leaned back and looked up at the black sky. It was completely clouded, there were no stars, nor a moon to be seen. In the distance I could faintly hear the music. I knew it wouldn't last long, if the party wouldn't quiet down shortly after midnight security would come to shut it all down, since it was a weekday. We had about forty minutes to kill. "So Obie is handling the bar by himself?" "When I left there was no one else there. No point wasting both our time." He nodded and opened the textbook in his lap. I had my sketchpad with me but I was perfectly content just watching him. I couldn't indulge myself for very long though, after only a few minutes he closed the book with a sigh. "What?" "I'm too tired." "You've been tired a lot lately." "Yeah... All that fucking really takes it out of me." He flashed me a grin. I smiled. I thoroughly enjoyed his more lighthearted and crass approach. Casually I stretched out my arms, popping my shoulders and then draped my left arm along the backrest of the bench, my hand ending up right by his neck - what a coincidence. I lightly caressed the skin above the collar of his coat and toyed with the fine hairs at the base of his chocolate brown mop. When he shifted in his seat I figured he disliked the public display of affection - although the public nature of it could be argued since there was no one around to see us. But I was pleasantly surprised when he turned sideways and laid down on the bench, his knees bent so his feet were on the seat, his head rested in my lap. He held the book to his chest and closed his eyes. For a while I didn't dare to touch him, regardless how much my fingers were aching to do so. But once I was confident he was fully comfortable I started stroking the fingers of one hand through his hair and simultaneously I brought down the other hand to cover his, holding the book. My breath hitched when his eyes opened slowly and he gazed up at me. My heart was beating wildly. It was painful how much I loved him. I shamelessly studied his face in this new light and angle. I had yet to find a perspective in which he didn't look absolutely perfect. I briefly wondered what he was thinking as he stared straight back at me, but then he closed his eyes again. I suspected he had fallen asleep after a few minutes had passed, but then, out of the blue, he apologized quietly. "You're sorry? For what?" "You probably want to draw." A tired hand touched the sketchbook that was propped up on the bench between his arm and the backrest. "No. This is good." He made a sound of disagreement. "We shouldn't be doing this." "Why not?" "We have to keep our friendship and the sex separate. This kind of stuff... bridges the gap." Despite his argument, he moved no muscle. "What, exactly, is 'this kind of stuff'?" An adorable little frown appeared on his forehead. "I don't know, but I think it goes beyond friendship and yet it's not sex, so it doesn't meet the parameters of our arrangement. Like that kiss, earlier. It's in between." He opened his eyes and avoided my gaze. With a grunt he sat upright. I was still slumped on the bench and Heero sat sideways, with his back turned towards me, his legs crossed. I stared at the back of his head for a minute, watching the wind play with his hair. Then I straightened up and wrapped my arms around him, holding him to me. I kissed the side of his neck and bravely informed him: "I like the in-between." He twisted his neck to look back at me. His expression yielded nothing. I tentatively kissed his lips, closing my eyes to blinding sparks that matched the charge electrifying my body including every nerve-end. He kissed me back, lightly at first, but then he coyly challenged me to do more, so with my hand on the back of his neck I tilted his head as I pleased and kissed him passionately. I drank the moans that poured from his lips. I didn't know how long the kiss lasted, but it would never be long enough. When it ended our breathing was ragged and my coat felt much too warm on my body. Heero slowly turned his face away to look in the distance and I rested my chin on his shoulder. It's quiet," He pointed out. I listened and realized he was right. The music had stopped and I hadn't even noticed. "We can go back now." "Yeah." Two heartbeats later he got up and collected his textbook and I followed him back to the dorm building. We ran into people along the way, heading home after the music had been turned off. The living room and kitchen were an absolute mess, but that would be Nash's problem. Although he would probably get a couple of Freshmen to do the work for him, under his supervision - sitting in the lazy chair in the corner with sunglasses on, nursing a Bloody Mary to manage his hangover. We went to bed but I couldn't sleep. My eyes moved restlessly behind my eyelids. I couldn't decide if Heero was allowing the extra intimacy because he had discovered he genuinely enjoyed it and wanted to further explore that aspect or if he was letting me have my way with him to make up for the fact that he hurt my feelings by sleeping with that girl. It wasn't easy being a closeted gay guy. There were a lot of things, negative things, that preoccupied my thoughts. I could see it really taking a toll on me in the long run. At least when Heero would be gone, back to Japan, I could be open about myself again. Although I wasn't sure how that would actually translate to me feeling any better, being that far away from Heero. It was a cold comfort. The next morning I strategically took a seat in the very back of the auditorium so I would go unnoticed when I hunched over my fold-away table, working on that bothersome sketch for class. At times a wave of nerves would hit me realizing how close I was to graduation. I felt like I wasn't ready yet, there was nothing I had done to be immensely proud of. I had created nothing amazing. That frustration and fear didn't aid the creative process in the least but at the end of the two hour lecture I hastily finished an acceptable sketch and added it to the folder that I was to hand in at the start of my next class. After that I had lunch. My heart would still beat unevenly when I walked down the hall to the private study room. With every step the memory of that unpalatable discovery became more vivid. I wasn't able to take a proper breath until I had opened the door and found him innocently seated there by himself, pouring over his work, as usual. "Are you coming to my swim meet tomorrow?" He asked absentmindedly, chewing on his choice sandwich. "What time does it start? I'm working tonight, bar's open 'til two, so I won't be back before three." "I'm sorry. I didn't mean- You shouldn't feel forced to come. I was only wondering..." I looked up from the game of Tetris on my cellphone at his monotonous tone. "No, I really want to come to the match, I'm just saying that if it's really early you might have to drag me out of bed." "It starts at ten." "Oh. Well, that's not too bad. I'll be semi-conscious by then." I smirked at him. "You shouldn't come if you don't want to. You've been working a lot lately, you should enjoy your time off." I scooted my chair closer to him and leaned in close. I naughtily whispered in his ear: "Trust me, I will be enjoying my time off to the max watching you walk around in your skintight jammers." He let out a single, strangled cough but then pretended he was completely unaffected by my remark. "So stop worrying about it." "I'm sorry." "You've been saying that a lot lately." His fingers tightened around his neon yellow marker and his jaw clenched shut. "Heero," I started affectionately. I knew it was about what had happened in that very room. "I've forgiven you." "I am still very sorry," He muttered poignantly. "I know. That is exactly why I can honestly say that I have forgiven you." His hand relaxed. He looked relieved, yet still concerned. I didn't say anything else, instead I placed my phone on top of his textbook, disrupting his reading. "This level is kicking my ass, can you please-" He scoffed and grabbed my phone, starting the game. Within minutes - on his second try - he completed the level and handed the device back to me with a smug little expression on his face. I smiled, happy to have been able to relieve the tension. "Thanks." I sat back and propped my feet up on the table, continuing my game, of course I failed to pass the next level, even at the umpteenth try, but I didn't let it show and eventually gave up, swallowing my curses. As predicted, things had returned to normal between me and Obie by the time I saw him for the Friday night shift at the bar. Halfway through the night he elbowed me in my side when I was superficially flirting with a shy girl at the end of the bar and he cautiously nodded in the direction of the door, alerting me to the arrival of Hilde and Relena. The two girls spotted me and exchanged a few words before approaching the bar, taking a seat in my section. Being polite and professional I asked them what they would like to drink and then served Relena her apple martini and Hilde a tequila sunrise. "It's been a while since we've been at the on-campus bar," Hilde said to no one in particular. Relena didn't appreciate her indirect attempt to prompt a conversation and called to me before I could discretely back away: "Duo, how have you been?" "Absolutely perfect." "People have really been talking about you. Because of last night." I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat. "Yeah? Why? What did I do last night?" With sweat beading on my forehead I remembered the less than secretive kiss on the bench by the court. I really didn't think anybody had been there to witness it and clearly neither did Heero, or he wouldn't have allowed it. She quirked her eyebrow. "Duh, because of the game?" At my puzzled expression she elaborated: "The basketball game? The team sucked." "Oh. Oh!" I tried not to let my relief show and instead acted casual. "They've never sucked as bad as they do now without you in the team." "Obie left the team as well," I deflected. "You were the captain." "It doesn't really matter if you lose by two point or ten points. We were a losing team when I was the captain and apparently nothing changed. A loss is a loss." I really wasn't invested in the team anymore. In hindsight I regretted playing as long as I had. "But I think being on the team was good for you," Hilde finally inserted herself into the conversation. I scoffed. "How did you figure that?" "At least you had a hobby and you hung out a lot with friends from the team. Nowadays you're always holed up in your room with Heero." "Yes, it's not healthy," Relena offered her two cents. "Jealous much?" I shot at her, enjoying her indignant expression. "Don't you think you should spend more time with people who aren't going to move away in two months?" Hilde challenged. "Like you?" "We could be friends," She argued childishly. "Just friends." "Or we could all hang out together," Relena suggested, batting her eyelashes, "The four of us." "Fuck no." I laughed at her. "I know what this is. Your last-ditch attempt to get close with Heero. Well, face it: Time's up. He doesn't like you." I faced Hilde. "Did she put you up to this?" "He doesn't even know me," The blonde argued. "He knows more than enough." I shook my head. "Enjoy your drinks, ladies, they're on the house." Then I walked away. Once they left Obie and I had a laugh at Relena's expense and I retold him the story of the night she slipped a date-rape drug in Heero's drink and he nearly died of an overdose - exaggerating as I went to make it a proper horror story. The last patron we showed the door at a quarter past two and then we began the repetitive task of cleaning up the space before leaving over an hour later. It was a managerial flaw that the biggest, most time-consuming, weekly clean-up tasks were scheduled on one of two nights a week when the bar was open until two, as opposed to the other days when we closed at the stroke of midnight. "Are you working tomorrow?" Obie asked, standing by me as he watched me lock the door behind us. "Nah, man, I'm not coming back before Wednesday." "Lucky." He slapped me on the shoulder as a way of saying goodbye and then walked in the opposite direction with his hands stuffed in his pockets. I snuck back into the quiet dorm building, tip toeing up the stairs and cringing at how loud my key sounded in the lock when I turned it. Leaning back against the closed door I held my breath and listened. Faintly I could hear Heero's even breathing. I was grateful my entry hadn't awoken him. I quickly slipped out of my jeans and button-up shirt and took care not to shake the bunk bed too much climbing into it. "Welcome home, honey," Heero murmured into his pillow, tired but not too tired to be sarcastic. I smiled, although I did feel guilty about waking him up. "Good to be back. Go to sleep, baby." It appeared he did just that; he didn't respond. The next day we walked to the swimming pool together. I wasn't nervous, it was only a friendly match in preparation for a competition next week. We didn't say anything and I supposed there was no need for that. I didn't even wish him good luck when we parted ways, I didn't want to disturb the comfortable silence between us. I went inside through the visitor's entry and Heero went into the locker rooms. Standing at the bottom of the bleachers at the indoor pool I heard someone call my name over the indiscriminate murmur of the gathered crowd. Squinting my eyes I scanned the faces until suddenly a platinum blonde head of hair stood out to me and I waved at Quatre seated at the top. I headed up to him and asked a trio of girls to scoot so I could sit next to him. "Hey, how are you?" "Great. How are you doing?" His eyes were knowing. The realization hit me that Quatre and Trowa were the only people who -for sure - knew about my sexuality and the feeling was alien. "Good?" "And Heero?" "Great." I didn't know what else to say. I was so used to not talking about it, I was at a loss for words. Both swim teams emerged from the locker rooms and my gaze was fixed on Heero, walking closely to Trowa as always. They took their seat on benches lining the pool, facing the bleachers. I could tell Heero was searching for me in the crowd. I waited for his eyes to find me and smiled when they did. His stare lingered, but then Trowa bumped his shoulder against his, wanting his attention. I watched them talk while the first swimmers were called up to the diving platform and started their race. Heero swam two distances - the fifty meter freestyle and the 100 meter freestyle. On his first distance he beat his own personal record, earning him the praises from his coach and his teammates. I was standing on top of my seat, clapping and cheering. His second race was intense. He had only had a short break to recuperate and then had to swim against Trowa among others. Trowa had the advantage of it being his first race of the day and the length of his limbs would benefit him in the longer distance. Quatre and I were both on our feet, cheering them on. They were neck and neck, all the other swimmers were behind by a significant distance. Their hands touched the edge of the pool; their finish seemed simultaneous. I felt an irrational kind of resentment when the times were posted on the board and the swimmer in the fourth lane, Trowa, had come in first by the slightest margins and Quatre was screaming at the top of his lungs. I focused on Heero who was still in the water, catching his breath. Trowa climbed out of the pool but rather than celebrating his victory with the younger teammates he bent forward at Heero's lane and offered him a hand. He hoisted the shorter swimmer out of the pool and leaned in to tell him something. Obviously I didn't know what had been said, but Heero's posture was less defeated and they took their seats again. There were a few more races, among which the butterfly, in which Trowa also competed and won. When it was all over Quatre and I waited outside. It seemed the blonde figured it was as good of a time as any to start up another awkward conversation. "So, about Trowa's little talk with you at the bar..." "Hn. Yeah?" I remembered Trowa coming in and advising me against pursuing Heero in a romantic or sexual way because he didn't believe the Japanese man to be gay. His timing had been absolutely impeccable... "I told him to go talk to you but I didn't think he was going to say stuff like that." I shrugged. He leaned in closely, so his remark wouldn't be overheard. "For your information, I think Trowa is wrong about Heero." I stared at him. Initially my heart leapt at the implications but my enthusiasm was quickly quelled. One of them believed Heero was straight and apparently the other believed he was gay. What was I supposed to do with that information? It boiled down to fifty/fifty. The two of them were as divided on the subject as I was by myself, their guess was as good as mine. To save me from the confusing conversation Heero and Trowa appeared. Quatre suggested that we should all go have a late lunch together, but I bowed out under the pretense of homework which led Heero to turn down the offer as well. We said friendly goodbyes and then we headed for our dorm building. "What did Trowa say after your race?" I asked curiously. "That I would've beaten him if I hadn't done the fifty meters right before. He's right about that," He smirked. I chuckled and teased: "You're a sore loser." "I'm not!" I continued: "Give the guy this one victory! You're faster than everyone, you're smarter than everyone, you're hotter than everyone. Give him this one win." Heero snorted. "Come on. Usually I'm faster than him, yes, and arguably smarter too, but Trowa is way hotter than me." I let out a hearty laugh. "What? Are you serious?" "Yes, of course. He is tall, fit, handsome, he has great hair," He analyzed matter-of-factly. "Jesus, do you fancy him or something?" I was only joking but there was a twinge of jealousy. "No! Of course I don't. I'm just saying that, objectively, he is 'hot'. Certainly hotter than me." "I disagree." Since there was no point in further trying to convince my friend that he was the hottest guy I had ever seen, I lightheartedly demanded to know: "What about me, am I hot?" "Obviously. You tick the same boxes as Trowa." "Tall, fit, handsome and great hair?" I verified mischievously. "Yeah." "And this is all just objective, you don't fancy me either?" Heero paused and then answered: "Yes, it's purely objective. Scientific even." I smiled because he had to pause before he replied. I wondered about that pause. The pause gave me hope. I continued to play along. "Okay, so, 'objectively', who is hotter? Trowa, or little ol' Duo?" He turned to face me with a smirk. "Definitely Trowa." I laughed and pushed him away. "You dick!" I grabbed him by his neck and hissed at him: "We're going to go upstairs and I am going to provide you with 'scientific evidence' of the superior hotness of Duo - fucking - Maxwell." "Alright," He replied coyly, "Convince me." With a growl I shoved him through the open front door of the dorm house and rushed him up the stairs. It was quiet and I wouldn't be surprised if we were the only ones home. During the weekends many students went back to their parents, especially on Saturday afternoons everyone made themselves scarce. Still, just to be sure, I locked the door behind us and once I did Heero was all over me. I liked his aggressiveness and responded in kind, taking strong hold of his hips and fighting his tongue for dominance. The small room filled with the sound of us breathing harshly through our nose, intermitted by slight gasps and barely heard moans. Heero smelled of chlorine - he always showered at home, not in the locker rooms - but the chemical smell didn't put me off, like maybe it should. I was hungry for him and nothing could deter me from getting my fill. After lengthily making out against the door, letting him press me back against it, I decided it was time to take control over the situation and give it some forward momentum. I lifted him up by his ass and walked us over to the space between the bed and the desk, where we had some room to work with. There, I knelt on the floor and laid him down on the carpet. He looked up at me with lustful eyes. Momentarily taking my hands off him I sat on my haunches and rid myself of my shirt, exposing my upper body. I looked down at him, gestured at my abs and said: "Exhibit A." Heero let out a rumbling laugh. With a playful grin I raised my arms and tensed up my biceps to show them off. "Exhibit B." Then I reached down and grasped the sizeable bulge in the front of my jeans. "Exhibit C..." I winked at him. "Mm." Heero sat upright and replaced my hand with his own. "I think I have to inspect exhibit C more closely before I can draw any conclusions." I was about to chuckle but the sound died in my throat, strangled in the back by a groan that made its way up from the depths of me. Heero's fingers deftly undid my jeans and pushed them down and there was nothing shy or uncertain about his course of action as he immediately took me into his mouth. "Ho-ly Jesus," I uttered. I let him suck me for as long as I thought I could stand it without blowing my loud like a sixteen-year-old boy losing his virginity. When I felt myself getting too close I asked him to stop, I didn't want this to be over quite so soon. Heero promptly took his vest and his shirt off and lay back down on the floor. He pushed his hips up and I realized he wanted me to take his pants off and perhaps return the favor so I rid him of his shoes and socks, undid his fly and grabbed hold of the pant legs by his ankle and ripped the fabric down the length of his legs. The article of clothing was tossed clear across the room, leaving Heero naked. I greedily drank in the sight of him. With his arms above his head he had elongated what was already an elegant and perfect body. His hair fanned out around him on the grey carpet. One leg was stretched out but the other was bent at the knee, slowly swaying from left to right, obstructing then revealing his most private parts repetitively. I got up on shaky legs and took off my own jeans with jerky movements, nearly tripping when I stepped out of them, realizing I still had my shoes on. I toed off my sneakers and laid down on top of him. Heero opened his thighs for me. I kissed him roughly and moved my hips, causing our erections to rub together. Without breaking the kiss Heero reached out and pulled out the bottom drawer of our shared desk. His hand blindly searched the cluttered contents and then he finally produced the bottle of lube. I sat up and intended to take the bottle from him, but he popped it open and poured a liberal amount into his own hand instead. With that hand he started to jerk me off, spreading the cold liquid onto my arousal, warming it up with the friction of his palm. When he deemed me sufficiently slick he took his hand off me and waited eagerly. After a brief moment of consideration I grabbed his legs and placed them over my shoulders. Without much ado I pushed inside him. He closed his eyes and threw his head back. His mouth was open in a soundless moan. That wouldn't do, I thought to myself. Not giving him much time to adjust, I started to move. A blush spread from his cheeks to his chest and he raised his arms above his head again. I followed the long line of his limbs with my greedy gaze and then I noticed the full-length mirror on the closet door right in front of me. The mirror offered an entirely new perspective of me fucking Heero and I was thrilled at the sight. A devilish idea sprang to mind and I pulled out of him. "What are you-?" My lover started to ask - clearly frustrated - but when I maneuvered him until he was up on all fours he became aware of the mirror. He stared at the reflection with a clear expression of shock for two full seconds before shamefully averting his eyes. A sharp moan escaped him when I thrust back inside him to the hilt. "Oh, baby, you should see this..." I hissed. I couldn't wrestle the smirk from my face now that I could see his face even as I was fucking him from behind. "Jesus, Duo, what makes you think I want to look at myself while I'm-" "Because you look fucking hot." He refused to look, focusing his gaze on a random spot on the floor. I leaned forward, wrapped one arm around his waist and then pulled him upright along with me. I didn't force him to look at himself, I just started to jerk him off with my free hand and hoped curiosity would get the better of him. In the meantime I thoroughly enjoyed the sight of him held against me. His body shook with my every thrust. His dick was swollen and red in my fist. His expression was one of unadulterated gratification and need. Eventually he started sneaking a few peeks every now and then until he finally let go of his embarrassment and his hooded eyes studied our reflection. Once he had taken in the sight, our gazes locked and we moaned in unison. Already I was thinking about drawing him that way. My sketchbook was becoming increasingly lascivious, certainly not something I would every again show to anyone. But I was painfully aware I would never be able to accurately capture his beauty, let alone the intense stare he was giving me, which felt even more intimate than the movements of our bodies. Another idea popped up but I dismissed the solution initially. However, it kept nagging at me and the plan was kind of sexy and the thought alone further turned me on. I broke eye-contact and looked over my shoulder, locating my jeans. They were still close enough for me to reach. I leaned back and stretched out my arm, just being able to pinch a bit of the fabric between my fingers so I could pull the piece of clothing closer to me without disturbing our rhythm. Between moans Heero asked: "What are you doing?" I produced my phone from my pocket and switched on the camera function before bringing it around for Heero to see - and for the camera to see us, our reflection at least. "No, Duo, no!" He objected and he tried to push my arm away. "Just think of how hot it would be to watch this later," I whispered in his ear. It wasn't fair of me to argue with him, I knew he wasn't in any kind of state capable of cultivating rational thought. But, selfishly, I wanted to capture the moment so I could make it last forever - when my artistic skills would fall short and the clarity of my memory would fail me. I tried to persuade him with kisses. "Fine," He murmured against my lips. "But you're only going to watch it once and then you are going to delete it. Promise?" I grumbled but agreed. "I promise." With my other hand on his chin I kept his head turned so I could savagely kiss him. I hoped the camera would catch everything, I wasn't too preoccupied with holding it the right way, I was too distracted by the sensations that assaulted by body. Heero wantonly lowered himself back on all fours. He powerfully rocked back against me.. "Ohh, baby!" I angled the phone down, pointing the camera at his ass and my dick pushing into it. It was pornographic and lewd but incredibly erotic to me. Heero leaned down on his chest and shoulders. With his hands free he started masturbating. I could feel him tightening further around me, an indication that he was getting close to finding his relief. Since I wanted to make it last as long as possible, I slowed my pace until I eventually stilled. His disapproval was apparent. I pulled out of him and told him to lie on his back again. Bitter at being pulled back from the edge he turned around and grunted: "Make up your damn mind." I wasted no time getting back inside him, filming everything. Trying to get everything in frame did divide my attention. I was distracted and my lover made it apparent that he didn't like it in the least. Unexpectedly he grabbed my hand holding the phone and snarled: "Get that thing out of my face and fuck me like you mean it." At his demanding tone I was shocked into inaction so he pried the device out of my fingers and threw it onto the bed. He wrapped his legs tightly around my waist, making sure my dick was all the way inside him and he clenched down on me. The combination of pain and pleasure certainly got my attention. With a smirk I lowered myself over him and locked our lips together. My hips started moving again, relentlessly and with a definite purpose. I broke our kiss so we could both vocalize freely as the pleasure built. His cries, moans and gasps were amazing. I did realize that if our direct neighbors were home they might have been able to hear him, but they still wouldn't have a clue that he was making those sounds because he was with me and not with some girl. My own low grunts and moans wouldn't be audible beyond the walls of our room. His climax caught me by surprise, he came earlier than expected. I could feel his release between us, on both our stomachs. I kissed his ear, his neck and his shoulder, continuing to pump into him. When I came I bit into the flesh of his shoulder. It was all I could do to stop myself from screaming. After a few final thrusts I slumped on top of him and Heero brought his arms around me, hugging me to him. I let out a drawled groan that sounded something like 'fuck' and Heero's chest shook with his breathless chuckles. Somehow we both decided at the same time that it was time for us to get up. We got up from the floor and made jokes about the sticky semen on our stomachs, but I kissed Heero to reassure him when I caught the embarrassed blush on his face. At his insistence we took separate showers. I finished first and when I was back upstairs I inconspicuously checked to see if anyone was in the rooms on either side of ours. Nobody was home. I plopped down on Heero's bed, cursing when I felt my phone underneath me, poking me in the ribs. I rolled over and grabbed the device. It appeared that when Heero had taken it from me he had neglected to turn it off and it had still been recording. With a cheeky little grin I played the video and skipped ahead to after he had thrown it away. The camera had landed face-down, so the image was dark, but the microphones had been left unobstructed by the sheets and the erotic audio was crystal clear, although our moans did sound a little hollow coming through the inferior speakers. "You are going to delete that," Heero asserted as soon as he walked into the room. "It's only a matter of time before you leave your phone lying around somewhere..." "Yeah yeah yeah," I concurred. "Just let me watch it once." "You want to jerk off to it or something?" "Definitely. Besides, it's my 'scientific evidence' that I'm hotter than Trowa. Or at least that you think so." I groaned when I got whipped in the abdomen with his towel. "Just get rid of it when you're 'done with it'." "I will. I promise you." I grinned at him. "Don't you want to see it too?" "Why would I want to see myself getting fucked up the ass?" He sat down at the desk and turned his back to me. At his crass remark I started to chew on the inside of my cheek. "Never mind." I actually got around to doing something useful that day. I finished my homework even before Heero and I had dinner together and in the evening I completed a project for a class that I had been dreading. We were in our room together for the entirety of the day, so I didn't exactly feel compelled to watch the video in his presence and decided I would look at it later in privacy. Heero probably didn't need, nor want, to see how much I enjoyed it. Night fell and we tucked into bed early. It had been a busy and thus exhausting week for the both of us and I could see it written on his face as clearly as he could probably read it on mine. "Goodnight," I said and then I flicked the light off with my toe. "Goodnight." From the sound of it he already had his face buried in the pillow. I didn't remember anything after imagining how cute he must have looked, laying sprawled in his bed with his nose nuzzling the soft pillow. I must have instantly fallen into a blissful, dreamless sleep. Unfortunately that sleep was disturbed much too soon for my liking. I wasn't sure what time it was but judging by the fuzziness in my brain it was some ungodly hour. For a second I wondered what had roused me from my slumber - more like; awoken me from my coma - but then there it was again, that shrill sound that had made its way into Morpheus' world. The ringing of Heero's phone. "Oh, fuck it..." I breathed. When I didn't hear my roommate move in the bed below me I called out his name. "Hmm, give me a second..." He croaked. At times like that I wished Heero would just mute his phone whenever we went to bed, because his mother still hadn't figured out that we were in a completely different time zone, but I could empathize that he didn't want to risk missing an opportunity to talk to his grandmother, especially now that her 'good days' were an extraordinarily rare occasion. In between the chirping of the phone I could hear his hand graze the rough carpet as he blinded groped the floor by his bed, trying to locate the noisy, vibrating phone. "Got it." I rolled onto my other side, hoping I could fall back asleep as Heero talked to the other side of the world where it was, at the moment, somewhere in the late afternoon - the next goddamn day! "Moshi moshi," He breathed upon answering the phone. I closed my eyes and tried to get comfortable again, but I was distracted by his monotonous, single syllable replies - mostly non-word, as far as I was able to tell. "Ah... Hn... Hai... Hn... Arigatou." Then there was a beep of his phone. It was apparent the conversation had ended and he had hung up, which meant the call had been bizarrely short. I sighed in relief, I was grateful we could both go back to sleep. "That was quick." Heero didn't respond. I frowned. I raised my head off the pillow so I could hear through both ears. "Heero?" I thought I heard the softest whimper and my body tensed up. I rolled to the other side and leaned out of bed to look over the edge but it was too damn dark and my eyes hadn't adjusted yet so I couldn't see a damn thing. "Heero?" I tentatively called again. This time I was positive I heard a muted sob. I sat upright and scooted down to the foot-end so I could climb out of the top bunk. My heart was beating nervously and I had a sick feeling in my stomach. I worried he had just gotten the call I had always feared would come. His grandmother... My eyes finally started to adjust and I could vaguely see him lying stiffly on his back, clutching the phone to his chest. His entire body was shaking. "Heero?" This time the pitch in my voice changed. I was close to tears. I could see he was crying but trying to hold it back and not make a sound. I knelt at the side of his bed and it was then that I could see his devastated expression. "Oh..." My lower lip started to quiver. He didn't need to say anything, he didn't need to explain. I knew. "Heero, I'm so sorry." I touched his arm, wanting desperately to give him some comfort. I wished I could ease away all of his pain. Heero moved away from me, turning onto his side, facing the wall. "I'm fine, leave me alone," He choked. Obviously he was far from fine. I wasn't going to let him push me away like that. I wasn't going to let him suffer by himself. Without asking for permission I lifted up the blanket and got into bed with him. "Duo, don't!" Once I had settled I put my arms around him, squeezing him to my chest tightly. I could feel how badly he was trembling and shaking with suppressed sobs. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry." He started to cry, really cry. His body contorted with the intensity of his grief. "It's okay. It's okay to cry." I was crying myself. He let go of the phone and took hold of my hands, holding them to his chest, his fingers tightly wound around mine. "She's dead!" He wailed. "I know," I croaked. "Shhh..." I gently rocked him back and forth and let him cry. I hated that he had to go through this. I wished he could have been spared this pain. But honestly it had been a case of waiting for the other shoe to drop for the past two years, when his grandmother's Alzheimer started to get really bad and her health deteriorated quickly along with it. I couldn't even remember how often she had suffered through pneumonia, how often she had been operated for heart problems and how many negative side-effects there were to the large quantity of medication she was on. She was old and weak and in a way she was ready, but the problem was that the people who are left behind are never ready. Even when you see it coming, it still catches you off guard, maybe precisely because she had been sick for so long. She had battled through so many illnesses and each time she managed to recover. When someone can overcome so much, they start to seem indestructible. "I didn't even get to say goodbye." I hoped he couldn't feel the wetness of my tears on the back of his neck as I nuzzled his hair. "Shhh... She knows. Whatever you would have said, she already knew." I remembered what he had always told me. That his grandmother had been the only person to have ever loved him. I wished I could tell him that I loved him as well. I would have if I believed it would have offered him comfort, but I was too worried it wasn't what he wanted to hear from me and I didn't want to risk further upsetting him and having him reject me, leaving him to deal with this tragedy alone. I needed to be there for him. He needed me, as his friend.
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