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"No Good Story Ever Started with a Salad"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Angst, hurt, comfort, AU Pairings: 2x1 Summary: He shouldn't fall in love with the silly straight boy.
"No Good Story Ever Started with a Salad"
Chapter 5 Weeks later Heero headed to the gun store again to drop off the latest two edited videos - he was featured in one of them; a day-in-the-life kind of vlog and, as it turned out, Heero was a pretty big part of Duo's average day. It was the day they went for an early morning work-out on Saturday and in the afternoon Duo took Heero to his first baseball game and recorded him yawning between innings. Then they had dinner in a fast food restaurant as part of a 2500-calories-in-ten-minutes challenge that Duo wanted to do. Duo had passed with flying colors, Heero couldn't stomach more than that second burger. "He~y!" Duo called as soon as he spotted his friends coming out back onto the shooting range. Heero's gait faltered when the noticed the man standing next to Duo; Bryon. He didn't know the two of them were friends again, but they certainly looked friendly, both geared up for target practice and mocking each other's aim. Bryon looked equally displeased to see him and it was apparent he was thinking the exact same thing; not having been aware that Duo and Heero were friends again. The Japanese man stopped before he reached them and held up the USB drive. "I just came by to drop this off. I can put it in the counter drawer if you want." Duo was already shaking his head and waving him over with a smile. Apprehensively, Heero approached the two of them. He felt intimidated, being that much shorter and "less manly" than the both of them. "Good to see you again," Bryon lied. "You too." Duo - being the happy-go-lucky kind of guy that he was - was oblivious to any seething subtext and slung his arm around Heero's shoulders. "Bryon, you mind helping Ibrahim man the store for a couple of minutes?" "Nah." He eyed them both suspiciously and then walked away, holding his rifle against his chest. "Do you have a minute?" Duo asked Heero. "I guess." Duo grinned and released him. "Cool." He reached for the handgun that was resting on the table behind him and held it out to the shorter man. Heero stared at the weapon with widened eyes. "What do you want me to do with that?" Duo chuckled. "Well, hold it, for starters. And then fire it." He shook his head. "I don't like guns. They scare me." Duo knew this already. "I know. That's why I think you should try it." He took hold of Heero's wrist and planted the gun in his sweaty palm, wrapping his fingers around the handle. Heero felt his body go stiff with anxiety. He nervously held the gun away from his body and pointed down at the dirt ground. "I don't like it," he muttered. He felt like a kid again, having a big bug handed to him by his father, who thought it was "damn time" for him to stop being such a girl. And getting pushed down a steep, muddy hill on a mountain bike that was too big for him. And being enrolled into Judo class when he had asked for piano lessons... His hands were trembling and he stiffly held his index finger as far away from the trigger as possible. He started shaking his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "No. No. I don't like it." Big hands wrapped around his and before he knew what was happening he was no longer holding the gun. He opened his eyes to Duo's concerned and apologetic expression. "I'm sorry. I was being a dick again, wasn't I?" The man looked about as distraught as Heero felt. "It's fine." He wiped his sweaty hands on the front of his shirt. "I overreacted. I just..." He made a dismissive gesture. His face became red and hot with shame. "Not at all. I get it. I'm used to guns, but that's because I grew up around 'em." "They're not toys," Heero stated. "I know they're not toys. I'm not playing, I'm practicing," he explained. "I have a handgun like this at home. It makes me feel safer, but only because I know how to handle it safely. That's what I train for." Heero nodded. He knew Duo was a Boy Scout when it came to gun safety. Even though the rules about gun ownership in the state were anything but restrictive, Duo always made a point to first educate his customers on the weapon they were buying and he was known for talking inexperienced individuals out of purchasing a handgun all-together, regardless of the fact that that was bad for his business. "I thought I could help you get over your fear. You're around guns quite a lot; we spend a lot of time at the store together. I thought you might feel more at ease around them if you popped your fire-arms-cherry." He offered a friendly smile. The idea of conquering his fear was tempting, especially because it would bring him closer to Duo. He thought long and hard and eventually nodded. His mouth was too dry to speak. "You wanna try?" He nodded again. "Okay." Duo reached for the handgun again and instead of shoving it into his grip like he did before, he showed him the weapon first and Heero watched as Duo routinely took the handgun apart, named the parts and specs and put it back together. He popped all but one of the bullets out of the cartridge before inserting it back into the grip. Then he demonstrated how to hold it; his right hand curled around the grip and supporting underneath with his left hand. He kept his index finger lined up with the barrel and explained never to put it on the trigger unless you intend on firing directly. He flicked the safety off and then back on and then held it out to Heero again, always keeping the barrel pointing down and away from them. "Ready?" He swallowed and his throat felt gravelly. He reached out and took the gun. Their hands touched and it didn't help him feel any more at relaxed. "The safety is still on, so you don't have to worry, okay?" He nodded curtly. He wrapped his fingers around the handle and cupped his right hand with his left to support some of the weight and steady his hold. "Still doing good?" Duo's voice was calm and soothing. "Yeah." "When you're ready, you can point it at that target." Heero's gaze followed Duo's pointed finger to the nearest target on the range; a white cardboard, mounted on a wooden frame, with the indiscriminate, black silhouette of a person printed on it. The target already had several holes in it, all centered in the chest area. He steeled his nerves and raised the gun in front of him with outstretched arms. "Stand with your feet a little wider apart," Duo corrected. "And bend at the knees a bit; don't lock your knees." Heero did as instructed, lowering the gun while he did so, before raising it again, but not all the way. Duo touched his hand to Heero's elbow and encouraged him to raise the gun further and line the barrel up with his line of sight. "Don't worry too much about aim. Just get used to it." "Okay." Still though, he closed one eye as he looked down the barrel. Duo chuckled lightly. "Keep both eyes open. Didn't you learn that from watching 'Pocahontas'?" "I've never seen 'Pocahontas'," he replied offhandedly. "Well, I guess I know what we'll be doing next Friday night..." Heero smiled. "You remember how to take the safety off?" It was a simple act, so of course. "Yes." "Whenever you're ready, you can take it off." "Okay." It took him a minute before he felt courageous enough to adjust his left hand to switch off the safety before cupping it around his right hand again. He took a deep breath and actively reminded himself that the silhouette in front of him was just a cardboard print-out, not a person. "If you want to fire, you can fire. But you don't have to." "... I think I want to." He had come this far, he didn't want to back down now. More importantly, he wanted to get it over with so he wouldn't have to do it again. "Okay. When you've made the decision to fire, put your finger on the trigger and squeeze. Go slow. You'll feel resistance but keep applying steady pressure until the gun fires. Once the shot is released, take your finger off the trigger right away, lower the gun and flick the safety back on. Yeah?" "But there is only one bullet in here anyway, right?" "Always treat a weapon like a loaded weapon, even when you know it's not," Duo said routinely. Heero nodded. He focused on the target and aimed the barrel. When he felt as ready as he was ever going to be, he curled his finger into the trigger guard and put it on the trigger. He squeezed slowly and steadily, just like Duo had instructed, and felt the slack go out of the trigger and it resisted. He kept squeezing and suddenly the pressure in the trigger released and he felt the recoil of the handgun through his arms, all the way to his shoulders as the gun fired the single bullet. Adrenaline rushed through him instantly. "Oh my God," he uttered. He was wide-eyed and frozen. Duo's hand cupped around his and eased the gun down until it was pointed at the ground and he reached out with his other hand to turn the safety back on. He trained his gaze on Heero's face. "Was that okay? Are you okay?" Heero let out a surprised chuckle. He felt an incredible release of his nerves. Duo smiled at him. The Japanese man squinted at the target in the bright sunlight. All he could spot were the same holes as before. "Wait, I missed?" Duo laughed and released his hold on Heero's hands. "Don't worry about it." Heero couldn't deny that he felt disappointed. "Do you want to try to hit it this time?" He thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think I do." "Okay." He took the gun from Heero, popped the magazine out and inserted one bullet back into it before handing it back to his friend. "Here, put these on." He took off his yellow-tinted safety goggles and put them on the bridge of Heero's nose, being careful not to poke him in the eyes with the legs of it. "This time, when you aim, don't focus on the target. You want to focus on the front sight of the gun." He tapped the little bump at the end of the barrel. "It's going to feel counter intuitive, but when you look down the barrel you actually want the front sight to be in focus and the target to be a little blurry. If you focus your gaze on the target, you'll likely let the end of the barrel drift and you'll miss. Align the front sight dead center in the rear sight notch, that way you know you are keeping the barrel straight." He aimed the gun again and focused on the front sight. It did feel weird for the target to be out of focus, but he trusted Duo's instructions. He took a steady breath and squeezed the trigger again. That time, he was less caught off guard by the power of the gun and before he bothered to look at the target to see if he had been able to hit it, he lowered the gun and turned on the safety as he should; feeling more calm and composed in the aftermath than he did the first time. "Well done," Duo complimented. Heero looked up ahead at the target and was disappointed to see a hole in the bottom left corner, in the white part surrounding the black silhouette. "Dammit." "Come on! You actually hit the board, that's great for your second shot," Duo encouraged him. "Another try?" "Yes." At that point he felt competitive more than anything. Duo took out the magazine and reloaded it with all the bullets he had taken out before, before popping the clip back in. "You okay with this?" Heero nodded and accepted the weapon when it was handed to him. He fired three more shots, taking breaks in between to steady himself. Two times he missed the board entirely and the one time he hit the board, the hole ended up in the bottom left corner again. "This is good. Now we can see that you drift to the bottom left, so we can correct that." "But I'm aiming at the center of the target!" He argued dumbly, starting to get frustrated with himself. He didn't figure it should be this difficult to hit the target, which was fairly big and close to him. "I think you're over-correcting the recoil, which changes the trajectory of the bullet as it leaves the barrel." He positioned himself behind Heero. "Mind if I-..." He didn't even finish the sentence and just reached his arms around Heero. He had his chest pressed against Heero's back and Heero felt his breath against his ear. Duo corrected his stance first, manually adjusting his hips and straightening his shoulders. He gave his shoulders a squeeze before releasing them and reminding him to relax. Then he extended his arms so he could cup them both around Heero's hands and assist him with his aim. "When you fire, just let your arms naturally absorb the recoil. It's okay if you're hands come up a little after the discharge; don't fight the recoil because you end up pushing down too soon." Heero swallowed and nodded. Duo leaned over Heero's shoulder and practically pressed their cheeks together so he could help him line up the shot. Duo took off the safety for him. "Fire when ready." The warmth of the man pressed up against him, his unkempt stubble scratching his cheek and the coarse hands holding Heero's were too much. He fired and missed hopelessly. He cursed under his breath. "It's okay. Try again," Duo said, unaware that he wasn't exactly helping Heero improve his aim. He took a deep breath and tried not to think about the fact that he desperately wanted Duo to grind his pelvis against his behind. He fired again and there was a small sense of pride when he managed to shoot the silhouette in its right hip. "See! Doing better already." Even so, Duo wasn't letting go of him. "Try again. Don't lean back, keep your shoulders stacked above your hips," he reminded him and he put his hands on Heero's hips, naively ignorant to the fact that Heero was struggling with his stance because his body wanted to melt into Duo's. "Remember, let your arms absorb the recoil, don't fight it." He took a few seconds to compose himself and wait for his hear to stop racing. Then he squeezed the trigger, more confidently that time, and fired another round, feeling the recoil pass through his arms and stop at his shoulders. He refocused his gaze from the front sight to the target and he caught himself smiling proudly at the new bullet hole in the silhouette's torso, just underneath the cluster of holes from Duo's target practice. "Awesome!" Duo released him and came to stand next to him again. Heero's smile turned shy and he knew he was blushing. He put the safety back on and handed the gun over to Duo. Now that he had accomplished his goal, he was done with it. He had overcome had fears. "You're a natural," Duo said, putting the gun away on the table behind him. "Stop it." "I'm serious, that was really good. You should be proud of yourself." Duo certainly looked proud, like a proud dad - or what Heero imagined a proud dad to look like. "I am," he admitted, although feeling self-conscious about it. "Good." Duo patted his shoulder and let the touch linger before dropping his arm back down to his side. "You're a good teacher." "Thanks. That's nice." He flashed his brightest smile yet. Heero smiled back at him and handed him back his goggles. "Hey, I haven't had lunch yet. Wanna go grab a bite to eat? Tacos - my treat." "Uhm," he wanted to decline because he had been offered a snack late in the afternoon by one of his clients and he felt like it could last him until dinner, but he knew Duo would give him grief about wanting to skip a meal and besides, he enjoyed spending time with Duo, even though he was only tormenting himself ultimately. "Sure. Can't say no to tacos." "Definitely." Duo took the gun inside where it was put away securely in a locker. "Mind if I invite Bryon along?" Heero went tense. He did not want to have lunch with Bryon, but he couldn't say that without getting into the why. "Of course not." They headed out to the front where Bryon and Ibrahim were behind the counter, both minding their own business. Ibrahim was scanning through paperwork, while it appeared Bryon was playing a game on his phone. "Hey, Bryon. Wanna go grab tacos with us?" The buff man with the shaved head quirked an eyebrow. "Us?" "Me and Heero." He seemed to consider it and Heero was already trying to come up with excuses for why he had to bail on lunch after all, but then Bryon said: "Nah." "Really?" He shrugged. "Don't like tacos all that much, to be honest." From Duo's expression it was clear that he was confused, since he obviously knew better. "Alright. Whatever. Ibrahim?" "No, thanks. Packed a lunch." "Okay. I'll be back in forty. Don't break anything or kill each other." "Sure thing, boss," Bryon quipped. "Not making any promises..." Ibrahim mumbled without ever looking up. "So you and Bryon are on good terms again?" Heero asked while he drove them to "that-organic-taco-place" that Duo was giving him directions to. "More or less. Ran into him a while back and got to talking. He apologized for what he had said and I... I didn't want to be the guy to hold a grudge. And he needed his job back, so... I'm trying to 'be the better man', for what it's worth." "What was it that he was apologizing for?" Heero wondered. "You never told me what caused the fall-out between the two of you." Duo made a dismissive gesture. "Oh. It was nothing. Something stupid." Realizing that Duo was withholding information to spare his feelings, Heero pressed: "It obviously wasn't nothing, or stupid; if it was you would have never stopped being friends with him." The other responded: "I don't want to tell you, because I don't want you to get upset." "I think our friendship isn't going to work if you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me." He could feel Duo stare at him for a long time. "We got into a fight," the American eventually started. "About what?" He probed. "About you. Basically." Heero raised his eyebrows. He turned left when Duo offhandedly instructed him to do so. Duo elaborated: "He said that I was spending too much time with you and that it made me seem gay." Heero processed the information in silence. "Only, he didn't say 'gay'... If you know what I mean..." He sounded uncomfortable. "He said 'faggot'," Heero surmised. "Yeah." "Okay..." "I got pissed at him. I didn't like him saying that." "Calling you a faggot." "Yeah," he admitted pitifully. Heero turned his head to briefly look at his passenger. "I don't know why, but it blew a fuse." "That's understandable. It's not a nice thing to call someone." "I didn't expect it to get under my skin like that. I think he just meant it as a joke. He says shit like that all the time. Anyway, when I overreacted - or maybe I was right to react the way I did, I don't know - he called me a pussy and a drama queen and said something about you having a bad effect on me." "And then what?" "Well... I disagreed." Duo stated. "And I expressed myself with my fists." A smile tugged at his lips at the euphemism. "I'd really like for you to be friends with my other friends," the American thought aloud. "They'd get to see you the way I do. Then they'd stop saying stupid shit like that." "I'm not going to teach your friends classes in LGBTQ+ awareness, Duo." "That's not what I mean. I happen to think you have a good effect on me. I've never had a gay friend before you and I think knowing you has been a positive influence on me. I used to say shit like 'fag' and stuff. I'm becoming more sensitive, at least, I'm trying to be. That's not a bad thing, in my opinion." Heero offered him a smile. "No, that's not a bad thing." "Anyway, I figured that's why I had to give Bryon a second chance. I've had second chances too..." After a few second of silence, he inquired cheekily. "How am I doing on the sensitivity-front?" "Better." He nodded along. "But keep trying." Duo chuckled. "I will." Before they reached their destination, Heero shared: "I think knowing you has been a positive influence on me as well." Sure, being friend-zoned by the man you love has it's challenges, but Duo had had a healthy effect on his life - Heero was fitter, doing better with eating and more confident - Duo deserved to know that. Duo came over next Friday and cooked for the both of them and they watched Pocahontas - Heero thought he had been joking, but apparently not - and then another Disney movie that Heero felt they were both too old for, but Duo enjoyed the nostalgia. After the movies, Duo talked about the date he was going on the next day. With that girl, Relena, that they had both met at the gym. He had gone out with her once before, but she had to cut the date short because of a family emergency. He assumed he had been blown off and that he would never hear from her again, but a few weeks later she had texted him and while she never seemed available for a do-over of their date, the texting had got progressively suggestive. Duo showed him some of the texts and Heero pretended not to be jealous. It appeared madam Relena had finally found time in her crowded schedule to honor Duo with another date and judging by the way the long-haired man was rambling, he was excited about it. Why wouldn't he be? As far as Heero could remember her, she was tall, pretty and athletic - and she had tits and a vagina, so she was golden as far as his straight friend was concerned. He wanted to not be resentful about it, but he wasn't as indifferent to irrational emotional turmoil a he used to be. The way Duo talked about the first date he had with Relena, that had only lasted forty-five minutes, made it seem like Relena should have bailed and if not her than Duo should have. He didn't understand why they bothered with a second try, when it was readily apparent that the two of them couldn't even keep a conversation going long enough to make it to the entrée. And Duo said he had been annoyed with how the blonde woman fiddled with her starter salad; picking out every ingredient until she was practically left with nothing but lettuce, drizzled with a microscopic amount of dressing. Duo wanted to go out with her again because he wanted to have sex with her; because her texts turned him on. He didn't even like her! It wasn't fair. Duo and Heero had such great chemistry between them, why wasn't that enough? The sex would be great too; Heero was a bottom anyway, how different would it really be? Heero shook his head at his petulant train of thought. He knew it wasn't that simple. If it was, he'd be with a nice girl himself right now, instead of fantasizing about sex with the silly straight boy sitting on the other end of his couch. "Wish me luck," Duo said as he was about to head home for the night. "Good luck," Heero replied and he watched him walk out the door. That Saturday evening he busied himself editing the video Duo had given him the day before. It wasn't due until Wednesday, but Heero needed something to keep his mind off the fact that Duo and his date had probably skipped the restaurant after the appetizers and went to his place for straight, missionary sex - or at least that's the unwelcome mental picture Heero's jealous mind provided. Duo - in the video - was rambling on about the benefits of whey protein and when to take them, before showing a couple of low-impact exercises to do while recovering from an injury, since Duo himself had recently pulled a muscle in his calf. As always he was incredibly helpful and charming. The camera loved him, and so did Heero. He was laughing at a poorly delivered joke when his phone vibrated next to his laptop. The screen lit up with a message from Duo. She's killing me the message read. He bit his lip and considered ignoring the text, but he couldn't stop himself from butting in. Oh, how so? He typed in reply. She is soooo boring. Heero snorted and thought to himself: You knew that already, you big dummy. In a bold move, he ended up typing and sending that exact sentiment. Don't kick a man when he's down! She's probably not too impressed with you either, considering you're texting while on a date. Duo's reply was quick: She went to the restroom. Then he added a string of complaints about her not being sexy, nor fun, nor anything like how she had presented herself in their cheeky exchange of text messages. It was obviously dawning on Duo that he wasn't going to "get any" tonight and he felt duped. Heero should have been sympathetic, but he was just a little too gleeful to provide any comfort. He wondered: Want to come over later? Since you're not going to get some. There was no answer and it was safe to assume Relena had returned from her bathroom break and demanded Duo's undivided attention again. So Heero went back to work, shaving down the runtime of the video by cutting out moments when Duo was being too rambly or preachy or when one of his jokes didn't land. An hour later he was lying on the couch, watching the tail end of a movie he had missed most of and his phone buzzed again. He got up and walked over to the kitchen counter where he had left his phone. That was a waste of a perfectly good Saturday evening... Heero grinned and shook his head, imaging just how sorry Duo felt for himself. You poor, unfortunate soul, he replied, in reference to that other animated movie they had watched the night before. She totally baited me! She lured me under false pretenses! Making me think it was just going to be a casual, sex-thing, but instead she talked about her dad's recent retirement and a suspicious mole on her back. She was totally testing if I was husband-material. At least you had something to talk about, unlike last time... He tried. She drove me crazy with those texts. What a tease. He wanted to say something clever and uplifting, but he was at a loss for words. Duo sent in frustration: I'm so horny! Heero blinked at the unexpected proclamation. He wasn't sure what to do with it; if he was supposed to read between the lines or dismiss it as "guy-talk". After a long pause - too long of a pause - Duo wasn't making matters any clearer when he followed up with: What are you wearing? It was such a sexting-trope that Heero didn't know if he should take it seriously or if it was meant as a joke, in references to the texts Relena had been sending him. Come over and see for yourself, he typed and he stared at the presumptuous message. But, he thought to himself, if Duo was only joking, he would take his invitation as a joke as well; it could be brushed off as harmless jesting. He pressed send. As soon as he had, he regretted it. There was no reply and the wait stretched longer and longer. Heero curled up on the couch and kept staring at the screen. His message had been read, but Duo wasn't typing, he was ignoring him. The clock at the top of the screen kept going. 2 minutes. 5 minutes. 12 minutes. Shit, he thought to himself. He all but leapt out of his own skin when the buzzer of the intercom rang. His heart stopped for a second, then started to thunder. "No way..." He muttered to himself. He stalked over to the front door, to the intercom panel. "Hello?" He wondered tentatively, pressing down the speak-button. "It's me." Heero blinked. His mind was running amuck with fantasies about the purpose of Duo's visit. "Adele," he joked, but it sounded forced. Rather than even try to say anything sensible, he buzzed Duo into the building and waited. It took Duo unusually long to get up to his floor, but eventually a knock sounded on the front door. Heero needed a moment to compose himself. He took a deep breath and warned himself not to overreact; not to get his hopes up. They were joking. They were always joking. Another deep breath and then he opened the door. Duo didn't look like himself. He looked unsure of himself and it painted him in a new light. He looked Heero up and down and sounded a little more normal when he joked with a lopsided grin: "Not what I was expecting." Heero looked down at his faded T-shirt and baggy sweatpants. Decidedly unsexy. "Uhm..." He was caught by surprise when he looked up and Duo came rushing forward. Duo grabbed his face and held him still as he leaned down and unceremoniously locked their lips together, in a kiss that wasn't so much passionate as it resembled someone angrily in search of something; all hasty, imprecise, jerky movements. Heero's eyes were wide open to acknowledge Duo's frustrated expression. In the kiss Heero tasted beer in Duo's mouth and he smelled a light, sweet perfume on his jacket. He pressed his hands flat against the man's chest and pushed him away. Duo would barely budge, but he backed away enough to have the kiss end. "Are you drunk?" Heero asked. "No..." He breathed in response. "What are you doing?" "...I don't know." He leaned in again, overpowering Heero who was trying to keep some distance between them. He slammed their lips together. His desperation didn't make for a good kiss, but Heero's heart soared at the thought that this was what Duo had always wanted - Heero had always wanted it too. The Japanese man stopped fighting it and let the other overwhelm him. They backed up into the apartment, neglecting to shut the door behind them, and Heero ended up with his hip against the sharp corner of the dinner table. He gasped, but wasn't going to let the shock of pain interrupt the lip-lock. They both relaxed and became more comfortable as they melted into each other. Duo licked into his mouth gently and the tension left his hands, leaving him to softly cradle Heero's head, rather than grip it. Heero's hands were still on Duo's chest, but with no intention to push him away. He dragged his hands down, feeling the body he had admired for so long. He was hesitant, but slipped his hands under the material of the shirt to rub his thumbs through the dips of his abs. When Duo released a deep moan, the other mimicked the sound. Heero pulled back only far enough and long enough to hop onto the edge of the table and he parted his knees to make room for Duo. Thankfully, the American wasted no time to fill the space and close the distance between them again. With an impish grin the man resumed their kiss and his hands traveled down from Heero's hair, along his neck, to his shoulders and then down his sides. His touch was light and hesitant, but curious and sweet. Heero wrapped his legs around Duo's hips and hooked his ankles behind him, locking their bodies together and they both made another sound of pleasure as their erections met between them. Worry that the reminder of his manliness would scare Duo back into his senses vanished when Duo eagerly ground their pelvises together, creating much-needed friction. The American caressed his hands past Heero's hips and along his thighs before hooking them into the hollow of his knees and hoisting his legs up higher and he started rutting against him in earnest. "Ahhh... Oh, God..." Behind his closed eyelids Heero saw stars. He leaned his head back and Duo's mouth latched onto his throat and soft lips grazed along his Adam's apple and suckled on a sensitive spot under his jaw. He reached his arms around the broad man and gripped his braid in two tight fists. Duo pulled the loose hem of Heero's shirt to the side and nibbled on his shoulder and then worked on leaving a genuine hickey and Heero buried his face in the crook of the man's neck. He yelped and then let out a laugh in surprise when Duo tightened his grip on him and lifted him off the table. He was carried to the couch where he was laid down and he spread his legs to accommodate Duo, who crawled on top of them and was quick to treat his mouth to another intense kiss. Heero rocked his hips up against Duo's. It was such a rush to rub himself against the big, hard bulge in the man's jeans. "That feels nice," Duo muttered against Heero's lips, also enjoying the way their bodies fit together. "Hmhm." Heero practically purred. Duo wasn't scared, he wasn't freaking out, he wasn't drunk, he wasn't joking. This was real. He wants it. He wants me, Heero thought and his heart swelled. "Oh my-!" Someone squeaked and before the two of them realized it wasn't either of them, the front door of the apartment was slammed shut and they both looked at the closed door in surprise. Duo was the first to burst out in laughter. "I think we just gave one of your neighbors an eyeful." Heero laughed with him. It wasn't all that funny - it was an unwelcome interruption, in fact - but he felt giddy and laughter came easily. He stared up into Duo's eyes and he just felt so... in love. He could have snorted at himself, for feeling like the lovesick teen he never was - the exact kind of teens he used to mock. He raised his head up and placed a chaste kiss on Duo's lip, hoping to communicate how content he was and encourage the man to continue what they had been doing. Duo seemed happy to oblige. He kissed him anew and one of his big hands wandered under Heero's shirt and explored the plains of his taut stomach before venturing up higher. The movement of the fingers faltered only momentarily at the new, flat chest but then he pinched a nipple between his thumb and forefinger, causing Heero's back to arch of the bed. Fighting not to melt into a useless puddle of electrified senses was a doomed battle and Heero's only hope was to drag his partner down with him. He wormed a hand between them and molded it against the bulge between Duo's leg. He swallowed Duo's groans as he massaged the arousal through the denim. He felt the shape of him and the heat and it was maddening. He wanted to feel him naked in his hand. He wanted to take him into his mouth. He wanted him deep inside of him. Dry-humping on the couch - as nice as it was - wasn't enough. He had waited long enough. He had waited too long! They had both waited too long. "I want you to fuck me," he blurted. Duo stilled on top of him and paused their kiss. Heero tried to engage him; kissing his chin, palming his clothed cock and scratching his short nails along his back, underneath the shirt. Duo's unresponsiveness alarmed him. Heero's face twisted in distress. "Please... Please..." His chest felt tight. "Don't stop. I want you inside me." "Are you sure?" Duo's voice was steady, easing some of Heero's concern. He didn't sound like he was freaking out. Heero blinked his eyes open. "I've wanted you for so long. Please?" Duo swallowed and then he nodded. Heero's smile was one of relief and he pulled Duo down by his hair to kiss him. "Do you want me?" He asked against his lips. "Yes," the other man hissed. Heero gasped at the surge of pleasure that one, simple answer provided him. Heero was eager and impatient, but determined to do it right. He wanted it to be perfect; for himself, but for Duo also. It would be their first time and Duo's first time with a man. They couldn't do it on the damn couch, unprepared. He pushed against Duo's chest until the man got the hint and raised himself up on his arms. Duo looked down at him quizzically. "I need five minutes," Heero said. The apparent disappointed was endearing. "Why?" "I need to get ready first." He was being purposefully vague because he didn't want to flat-out say what kind of preparations preceded anal sex. Only rarely did Heero skip the step. It wasn't absolutely necessary, and he knew not everyone did it, especially not all the time, but he just felt more comfortable taking precautions. It was easier to relax and thoroughly enjoy the sex when he didn't have to worry about embarrassing accidents. Heero was used to the interruption before sex and wasn't deterred by it, but he was sensitive to the fact that it wasn't a sexy thought to someone who was new to this. "Oh." Realization dawned on him. "Okay." "Five minutes," he reminded him, to appease both of their impatience. Duo nodded and he backed away so Heero could get up from the couch. "I'll be right back," he said. "I'll wait here," the other replied dumbly. Heero leaned down for a parting kiss, slipping his hand around the man's neck. Duo looked a little lost, seated on the couch by himself, when Heero excused himself and went into the bathroom. He quickly stripped out of his clothes and rinsed himself with a small bulb enema. He also took the liberty of applying a good amount of lube in advance. It was an unglamorous part of sex. Afterwards he washed his hands and checked his reflection. He considered putting his clothes back on, but that seemed illogical and inefficient. His bathrobe was still draped over the edge of the bath tub, where he had left it that morning, so he decided to put that on. It was short and the material was thin and silky; it had been a guilty pleasure purchase. One last glance at the mirror and then he stepped out of the bathroom. Duo was standing in the middle of the living room, looking like he didn't know what to do with himself. He smiled sheepishly. "Hey," Heero said, smiling back at him. "Hey." "Want to come into the bedroom?" He held his hand out to him. "...Yeah." Duo took his hand and allowed himself to be led into the master bedroom of the apartment. Heero stopped at the foot of the bed and turned around. He tugged Duo closer to him and brought his arms up to wrap around Duo's neck. The anticipation already had him hard again, in spite of the uncomfortable process he had just gone through in the bathroom. He could tell that the delay had affected Duo's mood, so he took his time, kissing him teasingly and bringing his hands down to the front to caress his chest, stomach and the front of his pants. Duo was starting to respond and Heero felt him harden. Heero stated: "I don't want to hear the words 'trippy', or 'gross', or 'trigger'. Okay?" He kept his tone mild but he hoped Duo understood not to take it lightly. The other nodded. Heero offered a smile and then untied the sash of his robe. He let the supple fabric slip off his shoulders and it fluttered to the floor at his feet. He was proud of his body, thanks to Duo, but he still felt nervous, standing before the other man, completely exposed. He forced himself to allow Duo a moment to look him up at down. Duo's stare was unreadable and it unnerved Heero. He pressed himself against the taller man again and kissed him, hoping to help him relax, but Duo remained tense. "It's okay. It's going to be good," he assured him, wanting to be sympathetic. Warning bells went off again but he ignored them. He pressed the heel of his palm against the bulge of Duo's arousal and enjoyed the moan it elicited. "Nnn. You're so big," he remarked, "It's going to feel so good." He felt himself clenching his intimate muscles in anticipation of having Duo inside of him. Needing to get Duo out of those clothes so he could finally see and feel his naked body, Heero reached for the fly of his jeans, encouraged by the fact that Duo wasn't pulling away. He tucked his head under Duo's chin and breathed against this chest: "I am so in love with you." His heart was so full with emotions, he couldn't not say it. He popped the button and lowered the zipper. But then Duo said: "Wait." And he took a step back. That full heart clenched and squeezed out all those happy feelings, which felt like acid eating through him. Duo stared at him with pitiful eyes. "I can't do this." Heero's bottom lip quivered but he bit down on it and he focused on his anger instead; because that hurt less than acknowledging his heartbreak. "I- I've always liked girls. I'm not gay," Duo claimed, looking lost. With balled fists he yelled in response: "You're a coward, that's what you are!" He was bitter and wanted to hurt Duo back. "You're a fucking coward!" He became acutely aware of his nakedness and his vulnerable state only made him hurt worse. His skin crawled. He finally thought to pick his robe up from the floor but he couldn't figure out what was up and down, inside and out, so he just held it against his chest and let the fabric hang down to cover the front of his body. He didn't want to - he really didn't want to - but he started to cry. It was too much; the difference between how he felt only moments ago and how he felt that very second was too jarring, the fall from high to low was too far for him to keep his emotions in check. Duo's face contorted. "I'm-... I'm sorry." He reached out, wanting to offer comfort, but Heero flinched and stepped back. The Japanese man tried to cover his face with one hand while the other clutched the robe against his chest. He was sobbing uncontrollably, so on top of feeling angry, betrayed and hurt, he felt mortified as well. Duo just stood there, conflicted, concerned and powerless. "Would you just fucking leave already?!" He wailed with raw voice. "I don't want to leave." "Yes, you do!" He argued. "You don't want to be with me. I'm gross!" He spat sardonically. "I didn't say that!" "Not this time." Heero lowered his hand only so he could glare at him. "You didn't say it this time, but it's what you were thinking." "...It wasn't," Duo tried, with a pathetic, pleading look on his face. "I- I don't know what I was thinking. I-... I'm thinking so many things." He made frustrated gestures with his hands as he struggled to express himself. Heero was done. He wanted him gone and he never wanted to expose himself to that kind of heart ache again. "Get out!" "Please. I want to talk." "We are done talking. We are so done. It was a mistake - all of it was one, huge mistake! And you know it!" A sob interrupted his angry words. "I'm standing here fucking naked, with my asshole cleaned out and lubed up, Duo. I don't want to talk. Please just walk out and let this moment be over..." He dropped his head down and tears fell freely again. "...Okay," the other conceded with a regretful tone. "Okay, I'll leave. But because it's what you want, not because it's what I want." "Whatever," he said through gritted teeth. Duo sighed and finally walked out of the bedroom and out of the apartment, closing the front door behind him. Heero's body trembled in shock at the emotional outburst. He felt tired and weak all of a sudden. He took the two steps needed to reach the bed and lay down and curled up, pulling the blanket up to hide himself from the world. At some point he fell asleep and he didn't wake up until the next morning. It was like waking up to the worst hangover ever. He felt groggy, his throat was sore, his head hurt and his body still felt so tired that he didn't want to move; but he had to pee and he had to drink. In the bathroom he didn't even dare to face the mirror, knowing that he would not like what he would see. He went through the trouble of taking of shower, knowing the lube from the night before had dried up between his ass cheeks and on his inner thighs. He stood under the spray for a long time. He thought about the argument and he expected to burst into tears again, but he didn't; he felt numb instead. Not even as he pictured what a pathetic mess he must have looked like, standing naked before Duo, with excess lube dribbling down his thigh and tears pouring from his eyes - while screaming at him like a child throwing a tantrum - did he feel anything. He was probably too tired and the heartache had become a white noise that he had become insensitive to. After getting dressed, he half-heartedly brushed his teeth, having every intention to skip breakfast. In the living room he seated himself on the couch. More mental images came to him unbidden and he leaned his head back and groaned in frustration. It was his own damn fault for getting his hopes up. Whether Duo was straight or not, it would have always ended badly; he was in love with Duo, but vice versa was not the case. Duo was - at best - experimenting, and the results were in. Or, worst case scenario: it had all been one big joke to the American. Still, he couldn't pin all the blame on Duo. They had been here before and it didn't work out then either - they had to take a three-month-break from each other, that's how disastrous it went last time. After last night, the break was indefinite. He didn't think he would ever get over how hurt and humiliated Duo made him feel and he deserved not to have to be confronted with that again, even though it pained him that he had to accept he had lost his best friend in the process as well. He was close to falling asleep again when his ears picked up on the jingle of keys just outside his front door and right at the moment he raised his head up and opened his eyes, the door opened and Duo stepped inside. Heero's eyes widened and his body instantly went rigid. This was exactly the kind of confrontation he didn't want to have! He just wanted to sleep and forget all about it! Duo stilled with the doorknob still in his hand when he spotted the home-owner on the couch. "You're up." "Did you think I would wallow in bed all day?" Heero sneered. "What are you doing here? How did you get in?" Duo held up the bundle of keys. "Snatched your keys off the dresser before I left last night." "Why?" Heero demanded to know. "Because I knew that if I knocked you wouldn't open the door for me," was his simple reply. Then he held up a plastic bag he had been carrying, bringing it to Heero's attention. "I bought stuff to make you breakfast. Because I also knew you wouldn't be eating this morning otherwise." "Oh, you know me so well, huh?" "I do. And you know me very well too," he said and he closed the door behind him and placed the bag on the counter. "But you don't know me well enough to speak for me," he continued poignantly and he turned to face him. "I didn't think of you as 'gross' and I didn't want to leave." "Get the fuck out of my apartment, Duo," he snarled. "I don't want to talk. I don't want to listen to you pretend like you didn't freak out last night." "But I didn't freak out!" Duo argued with raised voice. "I didn't 'freak out'." He took a few steps closer and continued with more subdued tone: "I got scared, yeah. I got nervous. Last night, what we were doing - what I was feeling - was all new for me and I felt overwhelmed. You were rushing me through something that needed more time." "Just admit that you don't want me!" "Stop doing that!" Duo bellowed, causing Heero to freeze. "Stop putting words in my mouth! You are the one who freaked out!" He accused and then he took a deep breath and a moment to calm himself. With a softer tone he elaborated: "You freaked out, and I understand. I got scared and I tried to back away and I did it all wrong. I upset you. You were in a vulnerable position and insecure and I had let you down before. I get it, and I am so, so sorry for how poorly I handled myself last night. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't not want you. I just wanted us to slow down." "That's not what you said." "I know that's not what I said. I didn't know what to say. But you know that's how I get. I can be callous and... stupid. I don't mean any harm." He took another step closer. "I never wanted to hurt you," he repeated, needing for Heero to understand just how much he meant that. "But you did! And it wasn't the first time either!" Heero called him out. "I'm so sorry," he said again. "Please..." He took another step closer, but it was too close. Heero leapt up from the couch and backed away, holding his arms in front of him to make sure Duo knew he didn't want him near to him; he couldn't handle it. "I can't have you trampling all over my feelings like that just because you get scared." "Heero, please..." He dropped his arms down to his sides and sighed in exasperation. "I don't think I'm gay, but I'm definitely not straight either. I feel things for you that I've never felt for another man! Hell, the things I feel for you, I haven't felt for any girl either. That's intimidating. It should be okay for those feelings to scare me; you don't get to call me a coward!" Heero could only blink in response to his heartfelt outburst. "You wanted to have sex and I wanted to give you what you wanted, but I wasn't ready. I couldn't go through with it, but not because I was grossed out. I wasn't!" Duo assured him. "You told me you're in love with me; we were going to make love. I wanted to take things slow and I needed a moment to sort out my thoughts and feelings. My mind was all over the place and it wouldn't have been right for us to make love for the first time while I was all... loopy. I wanted to do things right." He shook his head at himself. "But instead I did everything wrong." He scrubbed his face in his hands, alerting Heero to how tired he actually looked, like he hadn't slept all night. "And did you sort things out?" The Japanese man wondered from the other side of the room, where he had retreated into the safety of a corner. Duo stared at him. "I think I did." Heero quirked an eyebrow. He didn't say anything, he trusted that the question was apparent in his gaze. "I'm in love with you too." He sucked in a breath at the soft-spoken but meaningful confession. "I want you. I want you so much. That's new, and it's going to change everything. All of a sudden I have this secret; that I'm a different person from before somehow. It's going to affect my friendships and my relationship with my family and even with my fans." He chuckled sheepishly. "It frightens me, but it's a fear I want to face. If you could please be patient with me and help me... Teach me." "Like you taught me how to shoot a gun?" Duo's face broke into a smile. "Something like that." "But how is that going to work, when I'm scared too? I'm scared of getting hurt again." "I can't promise that we are going to work, but I do promise that I want us to work and that I will do anything and everything to try. We have to be honest with each other and communicate. You have to let me talk when I say I want to talk; don't assume. Don't ever assume that I don't want you. I want you. And I want to make love to you, but not until the time is right. Not like last night, after the date from Hell." A chuckle escaped him. He ducked his head down, embarrassed by his blush. "You really want to make love to me?" Make love, not 'fuck', Heero noted; it made him feel warm. "I do." Duo slowly walked up to him and Heero didn't avoid his closeness anymore. "You're perfect and I want to be perfect for you, but there's a bit of a learning curve." He laughed softly at himself, but then continued seriously: "You're not gross. You're so, so beautiful. You're... hot." He stood in front of him and dipped his head down, letting their bangs blend together and their breaths mix. "What you said last night, that you wanted me inside of you?" He groaned. "That was... hot," he emphasized, not able to come up with a better word. "And dry-humping you was so...-" "Hot?" He supplied and braved a cheeky smile. Duo smiled in return. "Yeah." He inched his face closer. Heero tilted his head and his eyes were half closed as he expected to be kissed. "So what do say? Do you think you can go slow with me?" "It's going to drive me crazy," he predicted. He tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth. "But yeah." "Yeah?" Duo teased. He had moved closer and his lips brushed against Heero's. "Yeah," he whined needily. The American melded their lips together in a sweet kiss. His arms encircled Heero's waist, to pull him against his chest. They kissed for an eternity, but never long enough. When they parted Duo's eyes shone with mischief. "So, will you let me cook you breakfast now?" Heero nodded, but when Duo moved, he didn't want to let him go, causing the man to chuckle. "In the interest of communication, let me just say one more thing?" "Okay." Heero grinned up at him. "If you hurt me again, I'm going to shoot you." Duo laughed. "Good. I'd deserve it." The end. Thank you for reading. I'd be very grateful if you'd share your thoughts on the story with me.
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