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"No Good Story Ever Started with a Salad"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Angst, hurt, comfort, AU Pairings: 2x1 Summary: He shouldn't fall in love with the silly straight boy.
"No Good Story Ever Started with a Salad" Chapter 4 Nothing seemed to have changed. The next day, Duo texted him to ask him if he had a hangover, adding a winky-face to his message; and later in the day, he sent an email about the video Heero was currently working on editing, since he had some new ideas for the format. Heero had no choice but to believe that Duo only did what he did because of the alcohol, even though the tidbit of wisdom WuFei had always given him was that alcohol didn't make people do anything they didn't want to do. The Chinese man philosophically argued that, to a certain extent, the inebriated state was the most honest and true-to-form state a person could be in, uninhibited by social norms and fears. If Duo wanted to pretend that nothing had happened, then Heero gladly would as well, because he didn't want to deal with all the questions and feelings caused by that night. He didn't want to pause and think about how happy it would have made him if Duo wanted to try to be more than friends; nor did he want to relive how painful and humiliating it was for his crush to be grossed out by him and literally pushed him off. He dreaded going to the gym on Wednesday - it would be their first face-to-face meeting since Heero soiled his friend's shirt with his come - but he steeled his nerves, forced himself to eat a full meal, and walked through the doors. It was cardio day - high intensity cardio - so in spite of suddenly feeling more shy around Duo, Heero wore his skintight running leggings and a breathable black shirt with mesh panels on the back, since he knew he would sweating profusely. Duo had also forewarned him that he wanted to film a couple of the exercises, so Heero didn't want to wear anything baggy that would look ridiculous on camera. He halted in the middle of the gym. He couldn't find Duo right away, but then a familiar voice called out to him. "Hey, Trigger. Over here!" Heero froze and turned around to spot Duo leaning against one of the treadmills, smiling at him. Instantly, the Japanese man longed for the more innocent nickname from before: "Kissy-boy". He knew very well that "Trigger" was a reference to his swift - "trigger happy" - orgasm from a few nights ago. Duo waved him over, then turned his attention to the fit young woman running on the treadmill he was standing by. He was obviously flirting with her, judging by her coy smiles and the way she playfully swatted at his hand when he made a joke, so Heero was in no rush to join them. He dragged his feet to the locker room to put his backpack and jacket away. He took a moment to take a deep breath and pray that "Trigger" wouldn't be a recurring nickname. It was baffling how Duo could be so sympathetic and sensitive to certain issues, and completely blind to how hurtful some of his jokes could be. Kissy-boy had already been testing Heero's sense of self-deprecating humor; Trigger was too much for him to be expected to take in good fun. He went out to find Duo still talking to the woman, who continued to run, dressed in tight shorts and a matching sports bra. Her honey blonde hair was held back in a handful of intricate braids, culminating in a long ponytail high on her head, that swung behind her in pace with her steps. She was wearing delicate earrings and make-up, which seemed odd to Heero. She was a little breathless when she greeted Heero when he awkwardly joined them. Duo teasingly reached over and turned up the speed on the treadmill by two points, making her laugh. "We're gonna get started," Duo said, "I'll give you a call." "Please do," she said, but she kept her gaze fixated on Heero, with something predatory in her eyes. "Oh, this is my friend, Heero, by the way. He's gay," Duo said offhandedly. Immediately the look in her eye changed. "Nice to meet you, I'm Relena." "Hi," Heero said stiffly, angry at Duo for introducing him like that. Why did he have to point out to her that he was gay? Was that a problem to Duo all of a sudden? Duo said goodbye to Relena and then led Heero to another section of the gym where they had a wide, open space to work in. In the corner of the space, a group of four women were doing a dance exercise; Heero looked on with mild interest while Duo set up his camera. "I like that outfit," the Youtuber said. Heero snapped his head to confirm Duo was looking him up and down, and talking about him and not one of the ladies dressed in hip-hop-style attire. He tugged self-consciously at the hem of his shirt, which had cost more money than he ever expected to spend on workout gear - that was including the discount he had used from one of Duo's promotional videos. "Is that shirt from X-Athletic?" "Hmhm." Duo grinned. "Show me the back?" It was odd to have Duo look at him like that, but he did as asked, realizing that he would have no trouble showing off his new clothes if they hadn't made out earlier that week. He turned around and cocked his head to look over his shoulder, so he could keep an eye on his friend and try to read his expression. "That's really cool," Duo said, admiring the panels of mesh fabric. His gaze dipped lower and he concluded: "You're filling out those pants nicely too." His blush was bright red. He didn't understand why Duo would say that, and he didn't know what it meant that he said it so casually, like complimenting his gay friend's ass in skintight pants was the most normal thing. It was frustrating! They did various exercises that got the heartrate going and had them both sweating up a storm: pulsing jump squats, frog jumps, mountain climbers, and short sprints to the other end of the room. Heero thankfully zoned out and was able to focus only on his work out. They continued doing sets of the miscellaneous exercises for half an hour and then moved back to the treadmills where they ran out the last of the energy in their legs. The pretty girl Duo had been flirting with had already gone home. "I might have to cancel on our movie date Saturday," Duo started, a little out of breath as he ran on the treadmill set at its highest speed. "Might have just scored myself an actual date." "Might have?" It seemed to Heero that, since she gave him her number, all he had to do was call to seal the deal. "With the way she was looking at you..." He flashed him a grin. "When I started training you, I didn't take into consideration that I was creating extra competition for myself." "Hn. So that's why you told her I'm gay?" "Yeah. I'm sorry, was that wrong? I mean, you've never hidden your sexuality, so I figured it'd be okay." "It's fine... I guess." "Cool. She was so hot, man. I couldn't risk her slipping out of my grasp." Duo made a grotesque gesture with his hands, indicating what he wanted to "grasp" in particular. Heero had trouble pretending that he was fine with that kind of conversation after what had happened between them. Inwardly, he could not deny that he was jealous. "She isn't even really my type," Duo disclosed. "Normally, I don't go for the girly-girl chicks." He cheekily winked at his friend running beside him and Heero wondered if it was a reference to Duo "going for him" before. "Oh?" What was he supposed to say? "Okay, don't be alarmed, but I feel like I should warn you," Duo started dramatically. Heero's heart skipped a beat and his feet nearly faltered on the treadmill; he narrowly avoided an embarrassing accident. He was curious about what Duo was going to say; the foolishly naïve part of him was still expecting Duo to admit to being sexually attracted to him. "The guy doing tricep-pushdowns on the cable machine has been staring at you for the past five minutes." It hadn't been the news Heero was hoping for, but with piqued interest he looked anyway. Familiar with the layout of the gym, he spotted the cable machine on the far side of the main area, his view partially obstructed by the leg-presses. His eyes widened when he made eye-contact with brown, downturned eyes. Keenan smiled at him from across the room. He finished his set before wiping his sweat off the bar and off his palms with his towel; then he threw the towel over his shoulder and started towards them. Heero pointedly looked down at the panel in front of him and turned down the speed on the treadmill because he could already tell that he was going to trip over his own feet otherwise. "Dude, he's coming over," Duo stated the obvious. "He's totally coming over!" A few seconds later, Keenan was standing directly to the right of Heero's treadmill. Thanks to the incline on the machine, the tall man had to look up at Heero. "Fancy seeing you here, Shy." What was it with men and nicknames for him? "Hi, Keenan," he greeted dumbly. "You two know each other?" Duo interjected. "Uhm, yeah. Duo, this is Keenan. Keenan, Duo." The curly-haired man raised his eyebrows, clearly remembering Heero calling out Duo's name in the heat of their one night stand. "Hi, Duo. Nice to meet you." "Likewise." Keenan paid little attention to him and instead fixed his gaze on Heero. "You look great. Have you been coming to the gym long?" "A couple of months." "You look like it," he practically purred. "I just joined last week. It was starting to get a little too busy for me over at Go-Go." Go-Go was the gay fitness club down the street, Heero knew. "This place is more expensive, but at least I don't have to wait for some club-queen to finish half-assing it on the one cable rowing machine," he explained with a pretty smile. "Yeah, this is a great gym," Heero said, for lack of having anything better to respond with. "Wanna go for a stack of blueberry protein pancakes after this?" Keenan wondered. "At the diner across the street?" "Uhm," Heero shot an uncertain look Duo's way and hoped he would see some jealousy in the man's eyes, but that was not the case. "He'll be done here in seven minutes," Duo said with an easy smile. "Don't you want to-?" They usually went for coffee or frozen yoghurt after their workouts. "Nah. You boys have fun." Heero nearly fell of the treadmill when Keenan unexpectedly touched his arm to get his attention. "I'm going to do a few sets on the chest press. Come find me when you're done?" "O-okay." He replied entirely un-smoothly. "Awesome. It was nice meeting you, Duo." He waved at the other man and shot a knowing look at Heero, then he walked off. "Where do you know him from?" Duo asked once Keenan was out of earshot. "He fucked me once," Heero said for shock value, hoping to prompt some sort of reaction from Duo. The American was unbothered by all of it, much to Heero's disappointment. "Nice." They finished the seven minutes of cardio and Duo decided to get in a few more sets of bicep curls with the barbells, even though arm day wasn't until Friday. "Have fun on your date, Trigger," he said with a sly grin and then he walked off. Heero had half a mind to sneak right past Keenan and take a quick shower before leaving the gym unnoticed, but he wasn't going to let himself. He knew the only reason he wasn't interested in Keenan was because he was secretly interested in Duo and that wasn't healthy, nor was it going to get him anywhere. He mustered up the necessary courage and approached the tanned man, exerting himself on one of the chest press machines. "Hey." Keenan smiled brightly at him. "Five more," he said through gritted teeth. His face was red and sweaty; Heero imagined he himself didn't look any better. He didn't know if he was expected to go ahead to the locker room or wait for him. He couldn't decide on anything, so inaction was the result and he stood there as Keenan completed the last five reps. They walked into the locker room together. Heero was the first to reach the showers and he became irrationally uneasy when Keenan joined him and picked the shower stall next to his; the tall man snuck a glance over the partition with a cocky "Nothing I haven't seen before". But once he had snuck a peek, he looked impressed and remarked: "Or maybe I haven't. You really have been working out." "My friend has been helping me." "Duo." "Hmhm." "I'm guessing he's still straight?" "It seems like it." Heero hadn't yet made up his mind if he really believed Duo was as straight as he presented himself to be. He didn't have much experience with straight friends, but in eight years of friendship - including a few rare, drunken occasions - he had never made out with WuFei. "I was disappointed that you didn't call." "I'm sorry. I wasn't looking for anything other than-" He shot a look over his shoulder, worried about others overhearing their conversation, "anything other than what it was." Keenan smirked. "I get that. What are you looking for now?" "Blueberry protein pancakes... and a chocolate milk." Keenan laughed and the sound rang off the tiled walls. "I can deliver on that." They got dressed and shared a plate of pancakes at the diner across the street. Heero had his chocolate milk and Keenan splurged on a strawberry milkshake. They talked about nothing of any importance. When Keenan tried to talk about Duo, Heero made it clear that he didn't want to talk about his friend and the other respected that. With both their cars in the parking lot behind the gym, it was a hassle to go back to the apartment together, but at the end of their meal, both were looking for "more". They ending up squeezing into the back of Keenan's Jeep and took turns sucking each other off. Heero straightened up in the backseat and wiped the trail of come off his chin. Most of it he had swallowed; it seemed only fair, since Keenan had swallowed his. The other man leaned into him and licked into his mouth, and they exchanged the tastes on their tongues. They both moaned into the kiss and Heero enjoyed how Keenan delved his fingers into his messy hair. They parted and shared a sloppy smile. Keenan tucked himself back into his jeans and buckled up his belt, shooting looks up at Heero. "If I give you my phone number again, will you call me this time?" He wanted to say no, because of Duo, which was stupid. "Yes." Keenan smirked. Heero produced his cellphone from his back pocket and added Keenan to his list of contacts and let him dictate the number to him. When he looked up again from the screen, Keenan still had a self-satisfied smirk on his lips. "What?" The man reached out and swiped his thumb under Heero's chin to clean up the tail end of the drip of come that Heero had missed. "Thanks." As shy as he was in most situations, Heero wasn't shy about giving head, nor the mess that he was sometimes left with. Unlike Duo, he wasn't grossed out by another man's come. Every time he made a man come, he just felt happy and satisfied; he wasn't going to give someone shit about it. He loved giving pleasure to others and he was proud to know he was good at it too. After one last kiss, they parted ways and Heero headed home. His phone was vibrating in his pocket on the drive back to his apartment building and he figured it was Keenan, but then he realized Keenan had given him his number and not the other way around. After parking his car, he opened his phone and was surprised at the text messages he had received from Duo, asking about his date with a lot of winky-faces, and then asking about the video Heero was supposed to finish editing before the end of the week. He replied to the questions about the video, but didn't get into the topic of his date. It wasn't any of Duo's business, Heero decided. In the following days, he sexted back and forth a lot with Keenan. They didn't have a lot in common, and there wasn't much to talk about, but he was a much-needed distraction from Duo. To be able to forget about the other man, he ignored his text messages and held off editing the video until the very last evening. It wasn't his best work, but he was becoming more and more irritated with his friend, who kept addressing him with the insulting nickname. It was getting under his skin and rather than confronting Duo with his discomfort, he felt the irrational need to punish him in a completely unrelated manner. It didn't make any sense, but it did make him feel a little better. Heero stopped by the gun store on Friday to drop off the surfboard USB-drive. As soon as he set foot into the store, Duo called from behind the counter, with a big smile: "Trigger!" Heero ducked his head between his shoulders and he blushed at the two customers looking at him, even though there was no way they could know what the nickname meant. He darted towards the counter and held the USB drive out to him without a word. "Thanks." Duo pocketed the drive. He leaned his elbows on the counter and cupped his chin in his palms. He looked at Heero with mischievous eyes. "You never told me how your date went." "It wasn't really a date," Heero argued. He made a point to look down at his watch, putting on an act to pretend he didn't have much time when, in fact, he had the afternoon off from work. "C'mon!" Duo whined. "I have to go." "Fine. You can tell me all about Mister Dreamboat tonight." Heero shot a look over his shoulders at the two older men standing by the camouflage hunting gear. In the small store, the two of them would definitely be able to overhear their conversation and it made Heero uncomfortable. This wasn't exactly the place that attracted people who would be accepting of his "deviant sexuality". "Don't be so paranoid," Duo chastised him lightly. "They're cool." He straightened up and raised his voice at the customers. "Hey, Nick. He's gay!" He said, pointing his thumb at Heero. The Japanese man went beet-red. Nick responded dryly: "Awesome..." "See? They don't care." Heero couldn't meet Duo's eyes. He was mortified and upset. Everything was always such a game to Duo. "I don't like it when you do that," he said through gritted teeth. "Do what?" Duo seemed genuinely baffled. "Out me to random strangers," Heero clarified, fixing a glare on his friend. "Why not? It's not a secret, right? It's not like it isn't obvious." Duo made an up-and-down gesture at him that upset him even more. "Oh, because I look gay, right?" He bit back. "Well, news flash, Duo: so do you! So what the fuck do looks mean anyway?" Duo chuckled, still oblivious to how serious Heero was being. "I look gay? Because of the hair? That's silly." "Exactly," he seethed. "Even though you might think something is obvious, doesn't give you the right to tell everyone and their mother something personal about me!" He still wasn't getting it, and maybe the silver lining to it was that he simply couldn't wrap his head around the fact that outing someone as gay was offensive. He didn't equate being gay to anything bad - unlike many other people. But he upset Heero further when he tried: "C'mon, Trigger-" Heero burst: "Stop calling me that!" He stomped his foot to emphasize his point. He was certain Nick and his friend were staring at that point, but he was beyond caring; his anger and frustration were blinding him to his surroundings and all he saw was Duo's shocked face through a veil of red. "It's just a joke," Duo tried to appease him. "It's not funny!" Heero yelled in return. "It makes me feel like shit!" He had been so elated when Duo had kissed him and touched him, and for a moment it felt like his wildest gay-boy-dreams were coming true - that his straight crush could love him back; it made him feel special - but the reality was heartbreaking, and every time Duo called him by that nickname, it made his heart clench just like it did then. Duo didn't want him; being with Heero was "trippy" and "gross" to him. But he couldn't tell Duo how he felt. He didn't want to ruin their friendship, even as he realized their friendship wasn't all that good for him. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't know." Duo's eyes turned pleading. "Why didn't you just tell me?" Heero knew he had to get out of there when his bottom lip started to tremble and his eyes welled up. He didn't want to cry in front of him. He had shown Duo too much of his vulnerability as it was and he was done with it. He couldn't say anything else, he didn't trust his voice, so he spun around on his heels and he stormed out of the shop. "Heero!" Heero had made it halfway across the parking lot to his car in the back when he realized Duo was coming after him. He wanted to turn around and yell at him to stop following him, but tears were streaming down his face and he couldn't speak as he was biting back pathetic sobs. "Heero, I'm sorry," Duo kept saying, sounding a little out of breath as he trailed after him. "God, I'm so stupid. Please, I'm sorry." Without ever turning back to face him, Heero climbed into his car and sped out of the parking lot. He felt embarrassed about his outburst and regretted not being able to control himself. Everything was weird now, and he didn't like that he let Duo see him in such a vulnerable state because he didn't feel like he could fully trust his friend anymore. Wanting to forget about all of it, he called Keenan and they went on a proper date, even though he knew he wasn't the best company to be around, and Keenan quickly figured that out too. Still, they went back to Heero's apartment after dinner and ended up in bed. Heero bit down on his lip the entire time as the man fucked him; he was afraid of either calling out Duo's name again, or simply bursting into tears. Over the next few days, he ignored Duo's calls and emails, and didn't leave his apartment for anything other than work. It wasn't until Duo stopped calling and stopped emailing that Heero realized how much he missed him. He wasn't used to having friends and he certainly wasn't used to missing having someone around him; he couldn't logically explain to himself why, of all people, he missed the person who could make him feel as shitty as Duo could. But he did miss him. He went online to Duo's Youtube channel and noticed the braided American hadn't uploaded a video since their fight - or rather: the afternoon Heero screamed at him and Duo couldn't do anything to stop him - over two weeks ago. He wondered if that meant that Duo missed him too, or that he was just too lazy to edit his own videos again. After a week of being ignored as well, Keenan, too, stopped calling; Heero didn't miss him, though. After a long day of work, Heero came home and he threw himself onto the couch. His stomach was growling but he paid no attention to it, even as it felt like his intestines were curling in on themselves, shrinking and shriveling away inside him. More than anything, he was tired. He was lethargic. That probably had to do with the vicious cycle he was currently in. He had stopped working out altogether and that left him feeling weak and lazy; as a result he didn't feel like eating much, which only made him weaker and even less inclined to eat. His arm draped down to the floor and he mindlessly scratched his fingers through the hairs of the rug. His stomach growled so loudly he almost missed the knock on his door. Knowing it could only be an annoying neighbor - or Duo - it was hardly worth the effort to get up; he didn't even bother opening his eyes. "Heero?" A bitter smile tugged on the corner of his mouth: Duo. "Heero, I know you're home. I saw you pull your car up into the garage." He furrowed his brows together in frustration and propped his head up only long enough to yell: "Go away!" "No." "Leave me alone!" It sounded a little more muffled now that his head had collapsed back down, and his face was mostly buried in the pillow and the crook of his arm, but Duo must have heard him. "No," he asserted. "I've left you alone for three weeks. I've given you your space. It's been long enough." "Fuck you! You don't get to decide that!" "Look, if you're still that angry with me, at least open the door so you can yell at me properly." For whatever reason, that did the trick. The thought of getting to vent his anger and frustration momentarily invigorated Heero, and he pushed himself up from the couch and stormed towards the door. But on the way over he lost all his guile; by the time he had ripped the door open, he didn't know what to say - he was never any good at controlling and expressing his emotions to begin with. Duo looked relieved at first, but then his expression became one of worry as he took in the sight of his friend in his disheveled state, with dark bags under his eyes contrasting with the colorless skin of his face. He forced on a smile and sheepishly looked down at the peace offering in his hands: a pizza box. "I'm not hungry," Heero said through gritted teeth. "Well, I am. Let me in?" "What are you doing here?" "I'm lonely." Heero scoffed. "You have plenty of friends. Pick one." "I did. I picked you." Duo sighed. "I miss you." His words had a disarming effect on the Japanese man. Wordlessly, he stepped aside and made room for Duo to walk into his apartment. The other accepted the invitation with a grateful bow of his head; he came in and walked the pizza over to the dinner table. Heero lingered by the door; he had yet to shut it, as he still considered telling Duo to get out, or maybe walk out himself. He watched as Duo grabbed two plates from the cupboards and beers from the fridge, acting like he was at home, like he always did. Then the tall man sat down at the table and gestured at the empty seat next to him. With a sigh, Heero closed the door and joined him and watched as Duo served them both a slice of cheesy pizza. The smell of it was overwhelming and he could tell that his body needed it, but at the same time he worried he wouldn't be able to stomach it. Knowing Duo's gaze was trained on him, he lifted the piece and bit off a tiny bite that he took ages to chew on before swallowing. "I've gained ten pounds in the past three weeks," Duo announced, keeping his voice light. "I've been eating shit and skipping work outs." "Why?" Heero focused on his second, small bite, while Duo was already halfway through the first slice. "Because I missed you." He said it like it was obvious. "Hn." "And I'm pretty sure you missed me too." "Oh?" "Because you look like you've lost ten pounds." Maybe. Heero shrugged. "Should I have come sooner?" Duo genuinely asked. "I wanted to give you some time. But maybe I waited too long? I don't know. I suck at this stuff. You know that." He chuckled nervously and reached into the box for a second slice, but he dropped it down on his plate and seemed to forget all about it. He adjusted in his seat, to face Heero and regard him with pleading eyes. "I'm really sorry for making you feel the way I did. I thought I was just teasing you; that teasing helped avoid the awkwardness, you know? I didn't realize that I was bullying you and making you feel like shit. I am so sorry." Heero nodded. As predicted, he couldn't stay mad at Duo, not for making mistakes because he didn't know any better. Duo could be insensitive and callous, but he couldn't amend that if Heero didn't communicate with him and let him know what effect his teasing had on him. Heero knew he should have said something sooner - he should have stood up for himself - before it had gotten out of hand the way it did. Heero had to assume more control if he wanted to avoid getting hurt again. "Can we please be friends again? I promise I'll do better." "I'm in love with you," Heero blurted and kept his gaze fixed on the barely eaten slice of pizza he was fidgeting with. It was the truth. It wasn't just a crush anymore; he was in love with him. That was why Duo's actions, words and absence hurt him as much as it did. It was scary to confess those feelings to his friend, but he had to speak up. He couldn't keep blaming Duo for being insensitive to things he didn't know anything about. Duo's jaw went slack for a moment. "...Oh-...'kay..." "I'm sorry," he said, just as his voice was starting to turn gravelly. He still couldn't look at the other. He pushed the plate with pizza further away, the smell and even the mere idea of it was making him nauseous. "That's nothing you need to apologize for." Duo sounded calm and levelheaded - everything Heero was not in that moment. He added lightheartedly: "I'm a pretty lovable guy." A single chuckle escaped him, but at the same time a lonely tear ran down his cheek. "I'm not gay though." Heero's heart clenched and he bit his own lip to distract from the pain in his chest. He nodded. "At least, I don't think so." For the first time since letting him into his apartment, Heero looked up at him. Duo shrugged and impishly elaborated: "I mean, I do feel differently about you than I do about my other friends." Heero smiled bitterly as he recognized Duo was just trying to make him feel better, mistakenly thinking that giving him false hope would ease his pain. "Don't. Please?" "I'm sorry." It was the first time for Duo to look away. He took a bite of his pizza but the face he made as he chewed made it seem like that mouthful tasted disgusting. "I wish I was gay," he said. "It would be nice." "Being gay isn't 'nice', Duo," Heero spat suddenly, fed up with Duo's misguided attempts to make him feel better. "Being gay is hard. It sucks! People hate you for no good reason and they treat you differently... and the guy you fall in love with won't love you back-" Ashamed he covered his face with his hands as he burst out in sobs. "... I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean-... I just meant that-... You're a great guy and I really like you. If I were gay, we could be together... and that would be nice. That's what I meant," Duo rambled. Duo's big, warm hand appeared on his shoulder; Heero didn't know if he liked or not, but he decided not to shake it off. After a while he started rubbing the hand up and down Heero's back in a comforting gesture. "I still want us to be friends," the American said. "If that's what you want too." "I don't think that's going to work." Heero didn't bring his hands back down to his lap until he was sure he had stopped crying and had wiped away his tears. "Nothing has to change. I'm not weirded out or anything, I'm cool." He chuckled bitterly. "What I mean is: I don't think that's going to work out for me. It's great that you're 'cool', but... I'm not cool." Duo nodded in understand and kept caressing Heero's back. "You should stop that." He pointedly looked over his shoulder at Duo's hand. With a thoughtful look he retreated his hand into his lap. His expression turned miserable. "... I shouldn't have kissed you... I'm sorry." "It's not the kiss that made me fall in love with you, Duo." A sad smile appeared on his lips. "You should go." Duo blinked at him; his plea was apparent in his eyes. "Do you really want me to?" "... Yes." Heero had wanted to say no, but while being close to Duo felt good, he knew it wasn't actually good for him. The American nodded and slowly got up from his eat. "Please eat something. I'm worried about you." "I'll be fine. I just need some time." "Are you sure?" Heero looked up at him. "It's not the first time I've had to get over a straight guy." His friend looked sorrowful, like he could have prevented it or something, like it was his fault. "I'll get over you." He joked dryly: "You're not that special." "When you do, will we be able to be friends again?" "... Maybe." His answer sparked Duo's first genuine smile. The tall man said his solemn goodbye and then backed out of the apartment. Heero spent a few more days moping and avoiding food, and crying into his pillow - but only at night, in the dark, so he could deny it the next morning, even to his own reflection. It took a while - maybe longer than it should have - but his appetite returned to him and he started going out for jogs again in the early mornings before work. Eventually he visited Duo's YouTube channel again and noticed he had been posting videos; when he first watched the new material, he felt sad, until finally the dry jokes and silly demeanor of the braided American made him chuckle in the silence of his apartment, and shaking his head at the shoddy editing. Having braved the video-version of Duo, Heero felt more confident regarding the idea of coming face-to-face with him in person again, so after two months of skipping out on his usual exercise regimen, he returned to the gym. Even though it turned out Duo wasn't there that evening, everything about the gym reminded Heero of the man. But rather than allowing himself to wallow, he went home with the muscly guy who had been making eyes at him from the bench press. By the time he first saw Duo again, they hadn't seen each other in over two months. Heero spotted him as soon as he walked through the entry of the gym. The big man was seated on a bench in the back, next to another, even bigger man. They were both doing bicep curls and each had taken out the earphone in the ear closest to the other as they exchanged conversation without looking up from the weight they were pumping. Feeling more skittish than he'd like to admit, Heero headed for the locker room, in passing saying hi to Mister Googly-Eyes from before, who was tying his shoes. He took longer than necessary getting ready and shot a look at his reflection when he passed the mirrored wall by the sinks. He toyed with the idea of trying to avoid the other man; Duo probably wouldn't dare approach him anyway. But he felt emboldened and he wanted to be mature about it, to ease some of the guilt he still felt about how immature he had been, like a damn love-struck teenager. He thought he was over him. He really did. He was sure of it until he stood right in front of him and Duo looked up at him when he heard his name. Duo's face was reddened and sweaty, the way Heero was most used to seeing it. The apparent shock was quickly veiled by a toothy smile. He tugged the other earphone out and put down the weight. "Heero... hi." His gaze traveled up and down and he didn't seem displeased. Heero was still struggling to put back on some of the weight he had lost, but he felt like he looked fit and healthy, the way Duo wanted him to be. "How-... How are you doing?" "Okay. You?" "-Ish." "Okay-ish?" The American chuckled sheepishly. "I've been slacking. Haven't been going to the gym as often as I should have, so I'm just now trying to get back into my routine." Heero furrowed his brows, wondering if it had something to do with their 'split', but voicing the thought felt arrogant, so he said nothing and instead dumbly replied: "Oh, that's good." He barely stopped himself from making a face at his own remark. "You look good," Duo observed and he sounded relieved. "Thanks. For what it's worth, so do you." The following silence was unbearably uncomfortable and Heero felt the need to nervously clarify: "I wasn't saying that in an 'I'm-still-attracted-to-you' kind of way. I'm not coming on to you or anything." "No, of course not. I- I wasn't thinking that. What, uh... What are you doing today?" "Cardio. You?" Stupid! Obviously he's doing arms. "Arms." "Right." "I guess I'll see you around." Heero nodded. "Uhm. Good luck." "Thanks. You too." He waited a second too long before pivoting on his heels and walking over to the bank of treadmills on the far side of the gym. His face was hot and his palms were sweaty before he had even started, but all things considered, it hadn't been a disaster and hopefully things would get less awkward after a while. And it did get less awkward. They didn't talk other than exchanging pleasantries in passing, but it was fine. They both focused on their workout. The only person Heero actively avoided was Keenan. Heero tried striking up conversation with others, but quickly found that socializing still wasn't for him, so other than going home with Googly-Eyes and two other guys once in a while, he kept to himself and settled back into a blend of his old routine of being by himself, and his new routine of working out four times a week. He had been alone for years and he was still good at it. Missing Duo was a dull, distant ache that he could live with. He could live with it until... It was Wednesday evening and he was doing legs. His last appointment of the day had run long, but he had anticipated it and had packed his sports bag that morning and brought it with him in the car. Rather than stop at home, he headed straight for the gym and satisfied his hunger with a protein shake along the way. He had only just started doing lunges in the free weights section, adding dumbbells to his exercise, when a tall, broad figure appeared next to him. Heero straightened up and kept his expression mild as he looked up at Duo. Not expecting anything other than their usual, quick greeting, for the sake of being polite, he didn't even take out his earphones and he could barely hear himself as he said: "Hey." Duo's mouth moved, but Heero couldn't hear his words. It was clear though that he was saying more than a casual greeting. He tugged on the chords of his earphones and they popped out and dangled down from where they were clasped to the hem of his shirt. "Sorry, what?" Duo's smile still had an unspeakable effect on him. "I noticed you are doing legs today. So am I." "Okay." "Wanna workout together?" He agreed, justifying his bad decision with the argument that it would be unnecessarily rude and awkward to say no. He knew he wasn't just being polite. He said yes because of that smile. He said yes because that smile still made his heart flutter and, for whatever reason, made him crave beer, pizza and chocolate milk and... Duo. "Cool." They spent the next hour and a half side-by-side. As always, Duo took the lead, deciding on which exercise and how many reps. It was comfortable for Heero to follow him, but the flutters in his chest became more prominent whenever Duo corrected his stance with one of his "almost-touches"; his big hand reaches out for Heero's shoulder, or hip, as if he's about to grab him and manually adjust him, but the hand stills just short of touching him and instead directs him with an inch of cold air between them. Duo didn't use to be shy about touching him, because it didn't mean anything. Obviously, the American was now more conscious of the effect he had on the other. With the workout completed, they headed for the locker room where they parted ways without a word, just a nod. Heero's locker was no longer next to Duo's, now that he was no longer Duo's "buddy" and had his own subscription to the gym. While he stood under the warm spray of water, cleaning his sweat and the smell of Duo's off his body, Heero tried not to think about the man, but in the end he had to turn the faucet to cold. His stomach was growling by the time he was dressed in an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt that he kept as a spare in his locker. Considering he had nothing in his fridge at home, he decided to go across the street to the diner and get the pancakes and that chocolate milk that had been on his mind. He was halfway across the street when Duo called out his name and he turned around to see the long-haired man jog towards him to catch up with him. "Going for a late dinner?" He nodded at the diner. "Yeah." There was some hesitation but then Duo asked the question that he shouldn't have: "Do you mind if I join you?" "No." He shouldn't have said that, not because it was a lie, but precisely because it was the truth. He was not over Duo and trying to be friends again was a bad idea. There was that smile again. That ridiculously handsome smile. They headed for the diner together and their shoulders bumped as they went through the door. The booth they ended up in was the same they had been in before. "That was a great workout," Duo concluded as he scanned the menu. "Yeah. Really feeling the burn." "Have you been eating well?" Their eyes met over the menu at the sudden question. "Yes. Why? Don't I look okay?" Heero glanced down at himself; he was almost back to the weight he was before the-break-up-that-was-not-really-a-break-up. "N-no! You look great!" Duo flashed that smile again. "I just can't help but worry about you from time to time." "You've been worried about me?" "Of course." "Why? We aren't friends anymore." Duo blinked at the statement and seemed to struggle with a disappointed frown. "I've never stopped thinking of you as a friend. Just... a friend I haven't talked to in a while." "Three months is quite a while." Heero tried to keep his voice flat and his expression indifferent, but the fact that Duo hadn't stopped thinking about him warmed his heart. "It is... Is it enough of a while? I mean: are you ready to think of me as a friend again?" Heero didn't feel like he was free to say no, because if he did, he would be admitting to the embarrassing fact that he still had feelings for the man sitting across from him and he didn't want to suffer that awkwardness. "I guess." Duo smiled in relief. "I'm really sorry about before." "About what?" "Anything. Everything..." Heero snorted as he recognized what Duo was trying to apologize for. "It's not your fault that I fell in love you, Duo. Actually, you did a damn good job at trying to get me to hate you." Duo chuckled but the sound was flat, lacking all its usual richness. "I can be a dick when I don't mean to be. If I'm ever a dick again, just let me know, okay?" "... Sure." "Can I take your order?" The waitress interrupted. Heero folded up the laminated menu and set it aside without ever really having looked at it. "The whole wheat pancakes with a chocolate milk, please." "Not the protein pancakes?" She asked, familiar with his usual order. "No, already reached my protein target for the day." She nodded and didn't bother scribbling the order down even though she had her pen and notepad at the ready. "What about you?" She asked Duo. "I'll have the same. Thanks." "Sure thing. Coming right up." Duo regarded Heero with mischievous eyes. "It seems you really have been eating well." The Japanese man shrugged and tried to hide some of his blush with his hand as he rested his chin on it. "You taught me well." "That's your victory, not mine," Duo asserted. "You know, I still get messages about that one video we did together. The one where we talked about emotional overeating and undereating?" "Yeah, I remember." How could he possibly forget? It had been a nerve wrecking experience. "Sharing your story like that meant a lot to a lot of people." "Glad to be of service," he quipped in response, while trying to avoid eye-contact as much as possible. Then, Duo blurted: "I've missed you." Heero hesitated for the duration of a single heartbeat before he admitted: "I've missed you too." The smile he received in response was beaming. After dinner they both headed home but they made plans to work out together again next Saturday; that was the start of everything returning to the way it once was. They worked out, had dinners, hung out at each other's places and Heero went back to editing Duo's Youtube uploads. Everything was the same as it was before, including Heero pining for a man he would never have. To be continued...
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