"The Neon Spectrum"

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not profit.

Rating:

Warnings: Angst! Drama! Hurt/Comfort elements! Language! Sexual confusion/identity crisis! Gender identity crisis! Homophobia! Transphobia! Violence (non-explicit)! SEX (explicit)! Minor Dom/Sub Dynamic (honestly so mild it might not even be worth mentioning)!

Pairings: 2x1, 3x4

Summary: Duo finds out life isn't black and white when he realizes he's in love with his gay roommate. But Heero has no interest in dating a 'straight' man while he struggles with his own identity.

AN: This story explores the sexuality spectrum as well as the gender spectrum. That means this story includes a Gender-Bending/Genderqueer/Gender-Fluid/Non-Binary Gender Identity character (read: feminization and crossdressing). If that is not something you are open to, please skip this story.

If you decide to read this story, please remember that the featured characters are individuals and are not written to represent an entire group of people. I'm not making any statements on what it means to be queer or gender queer. Neither sexuality nor gender identity can be generalized across people – it's different for everyone – and this story is about the experiences of two individuals. I don't mean any disrespect, to anyone, and I hope I've handled the subject with the sensitivity that it deserves.

Beta: Shima Yi (Thanks so much for doing this!)

"The Neon Spectrum"

Chapter EIGHT - Never A Dull Moment

The only other thing Heero ever said about it was that he didn't want to talk about it again, and Duo respected that. He didn't feel as antsy having to wait to get closer to Heero again - the way he was so obsessive and anxious before - because he knew now what Heero was dealing with; he understood that it'd take time, and he couldn't offer him anything to aid in the process, except exactly what Heero needed him to be: patient and normal. Duo didn't even make a comment or give a look when his roommate emerged from his bedroom wearing jeans, clunky boots and that red plaid shirt - he assumed it meant that Heero transitioned to a different point on the spectrum - because he knew he shouldn't make a big deal about it. Neither of them said anything as they shared the kitchen to drink their morning coffees and prepare their breakfast and lunch.

It took a while, but eventually they started having dinner together again. No discussion or formal invitation preceded it.

One morning, Heero asked in passing: "Is Thai good for you tonight?"

Duo replied, without even glancing up at him: "Love Thai." Nothing about his tone betrayed the accelerated heartbeat.

That evening, Heero came home from work a little late and brought Thai food from their favorite place down the street. They ate, did the dishes together and then disappeared into their own rooms. It didn't seem like much, but Duo recognized it as a huge leap forward and he treasured it.

They had dinner together every night since then.

He had to wait a little longer for their "pizza night" to make its comeback. Heero made it tacitly clear he wasn't ready to spend the evening on the couch together by purposefully arranging something other than pizza on Saturdays; but it, too, eventually returned. The first night they shared the couch again, Duo's control slipped and his gaze shifted from the screen to the younger man, folded in on himself, at the other end of the couch. Heero caught his stare and they made brief eye contact. Duo smiled impishly, since there was no use in pretending that he wasn't looking. A heartbeat later, Heero smiled back at him, and Duo felt ecstatic for the rest of the week.

When Heero started to change his clothing style again, Duo took notice. He was more in-tune with it now that he knew it meant something; he used to brush it off as a casual fluctuation in his roommate's eclectic style. He caught himself wondering about what point of the spectrum Heero was on at any given time, having only the clothes and slight change in mannerisms to go by. He knew trying to figure him out wasn't really helping anything, but as long as he did it subtly, it wouldn't cause any harm either. He tried not to let it affect his behavior; he was focused on treating Heero the same way he always did. He wasn't going to change anything until Heero expressed that he needed him to - and when he did, Duo would be more than willing: whatever would help, whatever he would be comfortable with, whatever would accommodate him.

Some days, Duo wished he could just ask; maybe he could put up a whiteboard in the kitchen and draw a line as the spectrum, so Heero could mark the point he was at any given day. Even if it was inconsequential, the curiosity was intense. Like not remembering an actor's name when it's on the tip of your tongue: it doesn't really matter what the actor's name is, but you want to know regardless, and you crave the release of that "oh, that's right!" moment. However, Duo suspected that even if he was stupid enough to ask such an insensitive question, Heero wouldn't be able to answer him anyway. He worried that Heero's gender identity was as much of a mystery to him as it was to Duo. He couldn't even imagine how confusing and exhausting it would be to live like that.

He tried not to, but he stared as Heero walked into the kitchen wearing black, low-riding skinny jeans, paired with his favorite boots, a white, cropped turtleneck - showing everything from his midriff to his hipbones at the waistband of the jeans - and a weathered denim jacket. Duo wasn't thinking about the spectrum or where he would place an outfit like that; he only thought of the memory of his own hand, pressed flat against that taut stomach, feeling every sharp intake of breath and quiver of pleasure. Nearly two months had passed since that afternoon - when they had sex the second and, unfortunately, last time - and Duo didn't think much about it ever since discovering "The Secret"; he wouldn't let his mind go there because even just entertaining the memories in the forefront of his mind felt like crossing the boundaries Heero had set. But there was no pausing or erasing the images that flashed before him now, and his palm and the tips of his fingers tingled, almost painfully; he soothed his skin by wrapping his hands around his mug of steaming, hot coffee.

Heero's blush was one of discomfort, but something small and hopeful twinkled in his eyes as he recognized Duo's look; it was same look he used to give him, before he knew. "Good morning."

"Good morning. You look nice." The compliment was too much, Duo knew it the moment he saw Heero's lips twist into a grimace. He wasn't ready yet, and Duo regretted his slip-up. He tried to move past it by asking him about his plans for the day.

"Wedding dress shopping with Nicole, Annessa and Drew."

'The Girls'. "Oh? Who's getting married?"

"Nicole."

Nicole was the only one of the three Duo had ever met, but all they did was exchange names, he had no idea she was even in a long-term relationship. "When?"

"A week before Christmas. It's going to be winter-wonderland themed."

Duo nodded and remarked excitedly, only to be polite: "That sounds cool."

Heero offered him a smile as a reward for his effort. "What about you? What are you up to today?"

"Work. I still have a lot to make up for with Mark, so when he needed an extra hand today, I volunteered as tribute," he said lightly, even though he absolutely hated having to work on Saturdays. He told Heero the cliff-notes version of his confrontation with Jamie. "So, wedding dress shopping... How long does that take? Are we still on for pizza night?"

His roommate pulled one corner of his mouth up in an apologetic smile. "No, I'm having dinner with the girls and we're having girl's night at Drew's." He tightened his lips at the term "girl's night", clearly not having meant to put it like that.

"That's too bad. Guess it's just me and the couch tonight," Duo said with a sheepish smile. "Have fun," he said, before grabbing his things and heading out the door, reading on Heero's face that he was still uncomfortable after oversharing. Duo didn't even know what "girl's night" meant, exactly. He was actually pretty sure Heero had referred to spending time with his girlfriends as "girl's night" before. Before. But that was different, of course. That he could brush off as a colloquialism. After, the term had a lot more meaning - more than he was willing to share with Duo at that point.

The work day was a quiet and simple grind, as it always was on Saturdays - with that one, notable exception. Duo found himself innocently musing about "girl's night" as he changed oil filters and replaced a rusty exhaust pipe. Maybe even thinking about it was an invasion of Heero's privacy - Duo did feel a twinge of guilt - but he couldn't help himself. All he had as a reference were scenes from chick flicks he had seen. He found it endearing, imaging Heero taking part in those tropes: polishing toenails and having pillow fights.

After work, he went by the grocery store to pick of a six pack of beer, and called the pizzeria to place his order as soon as he arrived home. "No pineapple," he stressed before hanging up. With fifteen minutes to spare he took a quick shower, avoiding getting his long braid of hair wet, then changed into loose fitting slacks, a T-shirt and a hoodie.

He stuffed himself with more pizza than he should have - he ordered an extra-large and was somehow compelled to finish it. He flipped through channels until he fell asleep, stretched out on the couch, half covered by the fluffy blanket.

A song woke him up. Distant and tinny. Duo cracked his eyes open. The living room was dark except for the light coming from the TV, the presumed source of the music. He noticed it was his current, favorite song, but he was too drowsy to get excited by it. He lazily lolled his head to the side and frowned at the TV screen. He expected the accompanying music video, but instead commercials were on. The volume was low but he could hear the clichéd jingle. The chorus of the song stopped and was then repeated - that was when he remembered he set the track as his ringtone. He stupidly patted himself down. He didn't have his phone with him, he should have known: the sound was coming from far away. The phone was in the pocket of his jeans, on the floor of his bedroom.

He didn't feel like getting up. It's probably Quatre anyway, 'checking in' for the millionth time, ever since our talk about Heero.

The chorus stopped and repeated again.

Duo frowned. Surely Quatre would have gotten the hint by now?

Stop. Repeat. Everyone knows that anyone who lets a phone ring for that long is in dire need of talking to the person they are trying to reach.

When Duo finally realized that in his tired state, he leapt up from the couch and sprinted to the bedroom. "Don't stop ringing now. Don't stop ringing now," he commanded, as if he had any say in the matter. He searched his jeans for the phone, cursing as he found it in the third pocket he checked.

He blinked at the Caller ID: Just my roommate.

He took a moment to check the time at the top of the screen: 1:45 AM.

"Heero?" He answered. His voice sounded concerned, and he was out of breath from running across the apartment.

"... Duo?" A long silence followed. "I-I'm sorry."

Duo's stomach got all knotted up. His roommate sounded intoxicated but also upset. "Heero, what-"

"I shouldn't have called. It's late."

"No, I'm glad you called," he said, as it was clear Heero needed help. "Are the girls with you?"

"No." He sounded miserable and so small. He was on the verge of tears.

It was obvious that he shouldn't be alone right now, so Duo said: "Where are you? I'm gonna come pick you up."

"I'm sorry. It's late," Heero repeated.

"It's fine. I was still up, watching TV," Duo lied.

"... I-... I need you to come get me."

Duo nodded fervently. "Yes, I will come get you. Where are you?"

"At a bus stop... But I missed the last one by half an hour," he whined.

"That's okay. I'm coming for you. Which bus stop?"

"On-..." He paused to check. "South Church Street and Lexington Court." He paused again, but that time to hide his sniffles. "I would have called an Uber, but... I don't want anyone to see me."

Duo didn't know why he wasn't at Drew's, but that didn't matter. "That's okay. That's fine." He tried to sound calm, like his heart wasn't beating a mile a minute.

"I want you to come get me," Heero admitted softly and vulnerably. "I don't want anyone to see me."

"I'm coming. I'm coming for you, Heero. It's gonna be okay," Duo rambled; he already made his way to the front door and was stepping into his shoes. "I'm going to have to come get you on my bike, is that okay?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Stay right there. I'll be there soon."

"... I'm scared."

Duo's heart clenched at the whispered words. Once he found the right key chain with his emergency keys for the work shop, he stepped out the front door and ran down the hallway. "Are you okay? Are you safe?"

"Just come get me, please!" Heero suddenly burst out crying.

"I'm coming. I swear, baby, I'll be right there." He didn't even think about the pet name, it just slipped out in his overprotective state and it felt right. He had to suppress his panic when the line was disconnected. Rather than trying to call him back, Duo pocketed the phone and made haste: running to the shop as fast as his legs could carry him. With the way he kept tinkering with his motorcycle, it was by mere luck that it was in any state to be driven. He thanked the Lord for his good fortune. He used the emergency keys to open the back garage door and navigated the dark space to his own work station, where his bike was parked. He ripped off the protective tarp and rolled the bike outside, not caring that he clipped the new, polished chrome hand break against the steel doorpost.

Even in his frantic state of mind, Duo remembered to pull the garage door down behind him and reattach the heavy-duty padlock, leaving the work shop secure. He climbed onto his chopper, leaving his helmet over the sissy bar where it was secure, since Heero would be the one wearing it soon anyway. He started the engine and the chopper roared to life. He took a moment to get his bearings and calm his anxiety, otherwise risk skidding off the road. Firmly planted in the leather seat, he slowly twisted the throttle and, once he was free from the alleyway behind the work shop, he sped off.

He knew where to find Heero because he was familiar with Lexington Court - that was where all the bars were - and South Church Street was named after the big Catholic Church at the end of the street, a little bit removed from the bars that had otherwise overtaken the area.

Even though it was still the end of summer, the wind going into his hooded vest felt cold against his skin. It was a seven-minute ride - breaking all the speed limits, and further pushing the throttle to make it across intersections before the lights turned from orange to red. He slowed down as he passed the bars; it was mostly quiet in the streets. The first right was South Church Street; the church was lit up by yellow lights from underneath, making the structure look like a tall, strong fortress - a safe haven in the night.

Duo slowed down further as he neared the bus stops on either side of the street. There was only one person, seated on the bench of the bus stop on the right side. The person didn't look like Heero - not dressed in black jeans, a white shirt and a denim jacket. Duo rolled to a stop and squinted his eyes at the lone individual. It was a girl, that much he could see. She sat with her legs drawn up, her arms wrapped around herself and her face pressed into her knees.

He sucked in a sharp breath when he recognized the unmistakable mess of chocolate brown hair. The girl was Heero.

Thoughts and questions about what had transgressed that evening for Heero to end up at the bus stop - dressed like that - cluttered his mind. Yet, he waited patiently; he knew Heero heard him coming a mile away with the amount of noise his motorcycle produced. He let the engine run idle, as a constant reminder for the other that he was right there and waiting to take him home whenever he was ready, but did nothing to pressure him.

Eventually, Heero uncurled himself and got up from the seat. He kept his arms around himself and his face cast down to the ground as he crossed the streets towards Duo. The American's heart thundered at the sight of the other; Heero was dressed in all black: suede boots, with tall heels that clicked hypnotically on the ground with each step; a short, peplum skirt that created the illusion of wider, flared hips; a tightly fitted, long sleeved turtleneck that slimmed his arms and shoulders, and hid the telltale Adam's apple; and a burgundy scarf draped artfully down from his neck to hide and add volume to his flat chest. His hair fell down, covering his face as he kept his head tilted towards the ground.

"Just grab the helmet and hop on," Duo said lightly; he purposefully turned his head away so Heero didn't have to worry about him staring. Without a word Heero put on the helmet. After a moment of hesitation, he hiked up his skirt and climbed onto the back of bike, straddling the small, uncomfortable seat. Duo kept the bike steady with his feet planted firmly on the ground as Heero climbed on. "You ready? Hold on tight." A smile tugged at his lips when Heero put his hands on his waist and twisted his fingers into the material of the hoodie.

Duo slowly took off, aware of the fact that Heero had never been on the back of his chopper before. He used the entire width of the two-way street to make a U-turn and headed back. The journey took twice as long with how careful Duo was being, slowing down even further to take corners and smoothly accelerating on the straight stretches. Still, Heero moved his arms, wrapping them tightly around Duo's torso and pressing his body against his back.

Duo didn't think about anything other than getting Heero home. He was completely focused on protecting him from whatever harm had come to him that night that caused him to reach out to his roommate in such distress.

As soon as he came to a stop in front of their apartment building, Heero hopped off, stumbling as he did. With his back turned to Duo, he took off the helmet and put it back over the sissy bar, then he walked into the building with quickened steps. Duo took the opportunity to roll his motorcycle into their lock box, even though they weren't technically allowed to store anything gas-powered in the small space. With his bike secured, he followed Heero upstairs.

The apartment was still as dark as he left it in his haste. The TV was still on, flickering different colors across the shape of the couch and the white walls. The only other source of light was coming from the bathroom, the door of which was left ajar. Duo stood in the hallway and listened to running water and then a gasp of pain. He had to stop himself from simply throwing the door further open and looking inside. He knew now that an open door wasn't really an invitation.

"Heero, are you okay?" He waited. "Heero, can I come in?"

There was no response.

"I'm worried about you, so I'm coming in, okay?" He waited another heartbeat, noting the silence on the other side of the door. "I'm coming in." He gave his roommate ample opportunity to deny him access. Duo had no choice but to take his silence as tacit compliance; his protectiveness didn't allow him to turn away without checking on Heero's well-being first.

Duo slowly pushed the door open, again giving Heero time to tell him to piss off, if that was what he really needed of him. He stood in the doorway and looked at his friend.

Heero looked beautiful and tall in his womanly clothes and boots, but his face was distraught. Black, erratic trails ran down his cheeks from tears that had dissolved his dark eye-make-up. His eyes were narrowed, with tears welling up. He looked both scared and angry, but he wasn't angry with Duo - he hadn't even looked at him once. He was staring at his own reflection. He held a wet washcloth to his mouth, hiding the lower part of his face.

"Are you okay?" Duo asked in a hushed tone.

There was a delay, but Heero nodded in response to his question and then cast his gaze down, unable to look at himself any longer.

"What's that for?" He pointed at the washcloth; Heero sighed. "Are you hurt?"

In defeat, he turned to face Duo and removed the washcloth from his face, revealing the bright red of a pretty lipstick and the dark red of blood. Duo gasped at the sight of his swollen bottom lip and the nasty cut. The lipstick was smeared and blood that had oozed from the wound stained his chin. Instinctively, he stepped closer, wanting to take care of him, but stopped himself as he met Heero's gaze. His eyes were wild and frightened; Duo hoped his own stare, in return, was warm and assuring, communicating his good intentions and lack of judgment.

Without an exchange of words, Duo felt he was allowed to come closer. He took the last step, into Heero's personal space. He put his index finger underneath Heero's chin, barely touching him, and had him tilt his face towards the light to inspect the cut. Of course, he wasn't a doctor, but he was a rowdy boy growing up and worked his entire adult life in fields of rough, manual labor; he had seen some cuts in his lifetime. The cut on Heero's lip was minor. Like with all wounds to the face, it looked worse than it was because there was always a lot of bleeding, swelling and bruising.

"I want to clean this. Is that okay?"

Heero nodded.

He instructed Heero to hop up onto the counter, next to the sink, putting him at the right height and facing the light - not to mention, sitting down could help him relax. Heero took a seat and watched Duo fetch the first aid kit from the cupboard under the sink.

Duo tore open the seal and noted lightly: "First time we've needed this." He got hurt plenty of times over the past few years, working with sharp materials and power tools, but since it always happened at work, he disinfected and bandaged his wounds there. "A miracle, really, with the way we can fight like cats and dogs," he tried to joke to lighten the atmosphere.

Heero was unresponsive; his expression had gone blank and his gaze was unfocused.

Duo positioned himself in front of his roommate, standing between his parted knees. He worked gently, patting the wound with cotton swabs dipped in the disinfectant, and cleaning the blood off his chin. He wished he could wipe away the trails his blackened tears left down his cheeks, and the smear of lipstick to the left of his lips, but he didn't know how, and he didn't want to make an even worse mess attempting to clean him up with mere water.

"Stay right here, don't move." Duo left him momentarily to get a glass from the kitchen. Once he was back in the bathroom, he resumed his spot - standing closely in front of Heero - and filled the glass with water. He grabbed Heero's hand and curled the fingers around the glass, but noted his grip was weak; he kept the hand covered with his own, securing Heero's hold on the glass, and brought it to his mouth.

The other winced when the glass connected with his sore lip. "I know. I'm sorry," Duo whispered, "but you should have some water. It looks like you had a lot to drink." He tilted the glass and encouraged him to drink, and didn't put the glass down until he drank over half of it. Then he set the glass aside and tidied up the things from the first aid kit, keeping his close proximity to Heero, although maybe Duo himself needed it more than Heero did. Sharing the heat that radiated from both their bodies comforted him.

Heero caught him off guard when he suddenly spoke softly: "Can you get my make-up wipes from my room?"

The American blinked at him. "Sure."

"It's a silver packet, with a black label."

"Okay. So... I can go into your room?" Duo verified.

"Yeah."

He nodded. He touched his hand to Heero's knee for a moment, feeling the smoothness of thin pantyhose over shaved - no, waxed, he remembered - legs. Then he excused himself and headed to Heero's bedroom.

Stepping through that door was odd to him and his palms went clammy as he remembered that one Saturday afternoon. He flicked on the lights and turned to the vanity where he expected to find what he was looking for. Arranged on the desk were countless containers of make-up and brushes of all shapes and sizes, each with pearlescent handles. Stuck to one corner of the mirror was a picture of "The Girls", Heero being one of them. That was when Duo caught his first glance of Drew: someone who was definitely physically male, but didn't dress like it, even wearing what looked like a wig. Duo looked away; he was given permission to get something, not snoop. He easily found the make-up wipes, sitting on the top left corner of the vanity.

Silver packet, black label. He read the white text to confirm. MAC wipes. "This should be it," he mumbled to himself. Duo had no idea about this sort of stuff. He assumed Nicole, Annessa and Drew taught Heero everything he knew.

He walked back into the bathroom and handed Heero the silver packet, then watched as he opened the top lid and pulled out a wipe. Heero used it and one more to remove the make-up from his face, twisting in his seat on the counter to check his progress in the mirror from time to time. It was apparent that Heero felt even more vulnerable without his make-up, even though it had been ruined anyway. When he was done with the wipes, he set the packet aside and tugged at the hem of his short skirt, trying to cover more of his thighs. He refused to meet Duo's gaze.

"Can I ask you what happened?" Duo chose his words thoughtfully.

Heero shrugged. Realizing he couldn't stretch the skirt to cover more of his legs, he started picking at the red polish on his nails; it flaked off in pieces.

"You were supposed to be at Drew's. For Girls Night," Duo said, trying to prompt Heero into explaining the course of the evening to him.

"We were at Drew's," he started. "We had some wine. Drew asked me if I wanted to wear some of her clothes... We were just playing dress-up."

Duo listened attentively and nodded along.

"We had some more wine. Then... I don't even remember which one of us suggested to go out. Maybe it was me." He shrugged again. "They said I looked good - that I could pass. And I- I felt good. I didn't intend to lead anyone on; I just wanted to try it." He finally looked up at Duo, with a look that could break Duo's heart.

"That's okay." Duo put his hands on both of Heero's knees and his thumbs rubbed circles on top of his thighs. Heero tensed up at first, but quickly relaxed. "So, the four of you went to a bar?"

The other nodded meekly. "To a gay bar first...to get a feel for it and relax...and drink more. Drew stayed there, but Nicole and Annessa wanted to take me to a regular bar, and I wanted to go as well. I was really scared at first - I thought everyone could tell that I didn't 'belong' there, but no one noticed."

Duo smiled at the hint of pride and happiness in his voice, albeit distant and overshadowed by guilt and regret. He wasn't surprised that no one noticed. Heero was unlike Drew in the sense that his features weren't manly to begin with: he had a small face and delicate, soft features. The make-up enhanced his femininity, drawing attention to his large, almond shaped eyes and full, shapely lips. The clothes he wore cleverly transformed his slender frame into an hourglass shape; no one would have been able to tell he had no breasts under that draped scarf, especially not in the dim lighting of your run-of-the-mill bar.

"Annessa quickly hooked up with some guy and, when Nicole and I were sitting at the bar, these two men joined us and started flirting with us." He ducked his head between his shoulders and admitted apologetically: "It was really nice. To be treated..." he didn't finish that sentence, but Duo knew what he meant and he sympathized. "Annessa got sick in the bathroom, so Nicole took her home. I told them I was leaving too, but I didn't. He was being so nice to me..." His voice pitched as he got emotional. He covered his mouth with his hand and took a second to compose himself.

"It's okay..."

"He kissed me and I shouldn't have let him," he continued with a shaky voice. "I knew it wasn't fair to him. I told him I had to go home, but I realized I didn't have any money on me. That's when he offered to drive me home. I knew it was dangerous, but he had been such a gentlemen and I was drunk." His gaze flitted up at Duo to confirm he was still interested in hearing the story, then he went on: "We went out back, to the parking lot, where his car was parked. There was no one else there. He held my hand and - for some stupid reason - I wasn't scared. We were standing by his car and suddenly he started kissing me again, and I got caught up in it. I was so caught up in it that I forgot that I'm-" he gestured down at himself with his features screwed into a disgusted expression. "I forgot. And you have no idea how good that felt... to forget."

Duo nodded even though Heero was right; he would never understand, but he wanted to.

"I had tucked myself but as I got aroused, it came apart. I was... hard," he spat, "and he noticed when he grabbed my ass and pulled me against him."

Duo had trouble keeping his breathing under control as his heartrate sped up.

"When he pushed me away, I hadn't even realized yet what went wrong. But then-... But then he hit me," Heero let out a sob and touched his fingers to his split lip. "He hit me and I knew. I remembered."

"Did he hurt you anywhere else?" Duo thought to ask, mentally berating himself for not asking that sooner. Horrific, violent scenarios plagued his mind - the kind that had been haunting his nightmares ever since he found out Heero was different. He knew how the world treated people who were different, especially that kind of difference.

Heero shook his head. "No, I don't think so." Tears started flowing again and he dropped his head down.

Duo cupped Heero's chin gently to make him look up at him. "You don't 'think' so?" Concern swelled in his chest.

Heero shrugged helplessly and looked off to the side. He gestured frantically as he tried to explain: "I don't know, it hurts all over - everything hurts! The way he looked at me... It hurt so much!"

That was when Duo felt a tear run down his own face. "I'm going to hug you now. Is that okay?" As soon as Heero nodded, he pulled his trembling body forward and into his embrace. He buried his nose in the crook of his neck, smelling a floral perfume. Heero had his arms between them; his hands clutching at Duo's shirt. He wept into his shoulder. "Shhh... Shhh..." Duo petted one hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry. It's late. It's so late," Heero rambled. "I didn't want anyone to see me. I didn't want to call Nic. I- I wanted you."

Duo's heart burst and he held Heero to him tighter still. "I'm glad you called me. You can always call me. I'm your friend first." They parted and Duo cupped Heero's face in his hands. He offered him a smile and wiped away his tears.

In turn, Heero raised his hands and put them on Duo's face; his thumbs swept the wet trails off his cheeks, brightening Duo's smile. He then brought their foreheads together and whispered: "I like the way you look at me..." His gaze moved down to Duo's lips and the smile that graced them.

"It's because you're so beautiful. And because I am so in love with you." Duo wove his fingers into the brown hair, being mindful not to pull on the dangling earrings. "You're perfect."

"When you say that, it sounds like you really believe it," he breathed in awe.

"I do. I wish you would believe it too."

Heero smiled sadly.

"Would you-" Duo stopped himself, unsure if he should ask the question on his mind. He didn't want to unnecessarily upset Heero further, but he also wished to understand. He decided to brave it. "Would you feel better about yourself if you had a woman's body? Is that what you want?" He regretted posing the question when Heero pulled away from him and sat back, leaning his shoulders against the mirror. But he didn't look angry or upset at Duo asking.

He answered: "No. That would trap me the same way as this body. Probably worse. Most of the time, I feel like a man - or mostly a man, anyway. Most of the time, I'm mostly a man," he chuckled bitterly at himself, understanding better than anyone how confusing it was. "It's like I'm standing on an unsteady scale, with 'male' and 'female' on either end, and the scale can just tip and send me tumbling towards any given place on the spectrum."

Quatre and Trowa explained this to Duo as well, but he appreciated Heero explaining it from his own perspective, knowing how difficult it must be for him.

"I can't control it. I don't know what causes the scale to move. Sometimes, I feel mostly male for weeks and every time that's happened I was relieved because I thought I finally settled and finally knew who I was. But then the scale moves again," he made a hopeless gesture. "I try to put it in percentages for myself. Every morning I try to figure myself out and try to make sense of who I am, but it's exhausting and confusing."

Duo's hands clasped around Heero's thighs, feeling tense and on edge just listening to him talk about his experiences.

"But sometimes, like today, I feel mostly female. So much so that I feel like I am a woman and that my body is a woman's body, even though it doesn't look like what it should look like. But I'm ashamed of what it looks like, because I know that it doesn't look like a real woman's body. For one evening, I didn't want to be ashamed. I wanted to feel real." Heero looked at Duo with vulnerable eyes.

"You are real."

"But it doesn't make sense. I don't understand. Nobody understands! There are people who call it a mental disorder. Maybe I'm just sick." He bit his bottom lip, disregarding that it was already split and bruised.

"Just because something is out of the ordinary and difficult to understand doesn't make it wrong. People don't get to brush it off as a mental illness," Duo countered. "The human brain is the most complicated system in the world. If the workings of our minds were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't understand anything."

Hero let out a surprised, bitter chuckle. "That sounds like you read it in a book somewhere."

"I did," he replied. "When I first realized that I was in love with you and thought I had gone crazy - that I had been fooling myself all those years, thinking that I was straight. I read a lot of books. But you know what? None of those books were about me. They were about a group of people who may - or may not - be like me, but nobody is the same. I had to figure out for myself that it was okay for me to like you; it doesn't negate any of my previous relationships; and it doesn't mean gay, or straight, or bi, or pan. I'm me, and I love who I love. You are you, and you are who you are. Nobody can invalidate that and tell you otherwise, because they don't know you the way you know you. I learned that when two of my friends were kind of being assholes about it, and tried to tell me I was either gay or straight. They know me pretty well, but I still know best." Duo flashed a smirk.

Recognizing he was one of the friends Duo was cheekily referring to, Heero smiled back at him. "What a couple of shitty friends."

"It's okay. I still love them both. One in particular."

His smile turned shy. "Yeah?"

"Yeah... I love Quatre." He couldn't contain his laughter and was relieved when Heero chuckled along with him.

When their laughter down, Heero scooted forward on the counter, his inner thighs pressed against Duo's hips on either side; he wrapped his arms around him. Duo gratefully returned the hug and kissed the shell of his ear, before settling his chin on top of Heero's bony shoulder.

"Do you want to go to bed?" Duo suggested a minute into the hug.

"Hmhm."

"Do you want to go to my bed?"

The other disentangled himself to look Duo in the eyes. "Yes. If that's okay."

"More than okay." He didn't want Heero to be alone that night; he didn't have any intentions other than sleep. "Get changed and meet me there." He placed a kiss on top of Heero's head, and stepped aside so he could hop off the counter. Once alone in the bathroom, Duo used the moment to take a leak, and after washing his hands, he washed his face as well. His eyes were red from crying and it felt nice to splash cool water onto his skin.

He walked into his bedroom and made himself comfortable under the cover on one side of the bed, close to the center. He checked the clock and praised the Lord for Sundays. A few minutes later, the lights in the rest of the apartment were switched off and Heero appeared in the doorway, dressed in silky shorts and a matching top with spaghetti straps and lacy trim.

He fidgeted with the hem of the top. "Is this alright?" Duo understood why Heero was still on edge about possibly making him uncomfortable, still expecting to inadvertently do something that would freak Duo out, and snap the same way the man from the bar did. But Duo wasn't going to freak out; it had been confusing for him as well - there was a time when he didn't trust himself not to freak out. But he learned, and truly meant, what he said: Heero was perfect to him.

Duo simply nodded and said: "It looks comfy." He flicked on the light on the bedside table, and told Heero to hit the lights before he joined him in bed.

The overhead lamp was switched off. Heero closed the door and padded across the floor to the unoccupied side of the bed. He slipped under the sheets and, when Duo beckoned him to get closer, inviting him to lay against him, he did. Duo draped his arm around his smaller frame; Heero tucked himself into Duo's armpit and rested his head on the American's slowly rising and falling chest.

Duo could barely reach the light switch without shifting, but he managed and the room went pitch black.

"Thank you, Duo," Heero mumbled into his chest.

He tightened his arm around him and kissed the top of his head. "You're welcome."

When Duo woke up again around noon, Heero was still snuggled against him. He felt the softness of the silk top and his hair, contrasted with the hardness of his hipbone and his morning erection. He knew that if Heero woke up in that state, he would be embarrassed knowing that Duo felt him. So, as much as it pained him, he carefully peeled himself away from the other. Heero stirred, hugging the pillow to him and shifting his hips, but he didn't wake up. Duo left for the kitchen to make them breakfast in bed again.

Heero's tired voice stopped him when he reached the door. "Where are you going?" He was groggy with sleep. He didn't even raise his head off the pillow or open his eyes.

"Making breakfast. How do you like your eggs?"

"In a cake," Heero mumbled and then let out a breathy chuckle at his own joke. "Sunny side up, on toast."

Duo smirked. "That I can do. How do you feel?"

"I have a headache and my lip hurts."

Duo laughed at him stating the obvious, in spite of the fact that the discoloration on Heero's chin was hideous and made his heart hurt. "Okay, but how do you really feel?"

Heero propped his chin up on his palm and looked at Duo with calm and honest eyes. "I feel really good. Thanks to you."

His heart warmed and Duo smiled. "I'm glad."

A few days later, the plaid shirt made its comeback and Duo suspected Heero purposefully wore it solely to communicate a shift of the scale to him - without Duo having to ask, or Heero having to make an announcement - and Duo was grateful. It was an inelegant and impractical solution in the long run, but - for the time being - while they still had to figure everything out, it worked.

Heero was the one to tell Quatre what happened that night; he couldn't hide his split lip from his friend. Quatre remained calm and composed for Heero's sake, but during his next shopping trip with Duo, the blond was anything but.

"I can't believe how stupid he was!" He exclaimed for the third or fourth time, disregarding the perplexed look of the other customers as he angrily rifled through a rack of clothes without really paying attention to any single garment. He just needed to keep his hands busy to expel some of his pent-up frustration.

"He's fine," Duo tried to placate as he followed him through the store.

"He's an idiot!" Quatre fixed a furious gaze on his friend. "He nearly got into a car with a stranger! That was so reckless and so dangerous!"

"He didn't get in the car."

"He would've!" He shot back. "What if the guy found out later? What if he had gotten even more angry? He could have been killed, Duo. Do you have any idea how high the murder rate is in the trans community? I know Heero is not the same, but his situation is similar; it puts him in the same, dangerous position!"

Duo nodded. He saw stories on the news and did more reading on the matter than proved to be good for him, learning more than he wanted to know about the murder and suicide rates. He suffered the nightmares. He tried not to think too much about it, because it triggered a crippling overprotectiveness in him. But he couldn't talk to Quatre about those things, because he knew it would upset the blonde too much. "He was just curious, Quat."

"Well, curiosity killed the cat, didn't it?"

"He's fine," Duo repeated again. He understood his friend's concern - he went through the same process himself in the days after; in conflict with himself about whether he should berate Heero for the dangerous position he had put himself in, but he had decided against it, since it was apparent Heero knew that he had made an error in judgment and hammering it in would only rub salt in the wound.

"I just can't believe how dumb a smart person can be!" Quatre bristled and moved on to the next rack.

"Look, I agree that what he did was risky - I was scared shitless too when I got that call and when I saw his face. You didn't even see the worst of it; you saw the cut, but you didn't see the look in his eyes that night."

Quatre nodded sympathetically.

"He shouldn't have left the bar with that guy. He should have gone home when he told Nicole that he said he would. But he should also get to go out dressed however he wants, as long as he doesn't take risks like that."

His friend shook his head. "I don't know. It's always going to leave him vulnerable to dangerous situations. How is Nicole supposed to protect him when a couple of assholes gang up on them?"

"He should be able to live his life, Quat."

"I know! But can't he live it in the safety of his own home?" He whined. He knew he was being unreasonable, but only because he worried about his friend's safety.

"If that guy hadn't gotten that handsy with him, he would have never known. He looked..." Duo's gaze drifted off to the side and a tiny, guilty smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "He looked beautiful."

Quatre smiled knowingly. "That's because you're so in love with him."

"No! I mean, I am. But I'm being serious: he looked great."

Quatre pursed his lips. He swayed his weight back and forth. He said petulantly, like a little child: "Now you're making me curious. And a little jealous that he didn't call me or Trowa. Although, that makes no sense; we live further away after all."

"Well, not just that. He called me because he wanted me," Duo reminded him smugly.

"Okay, now you're making me very jealous! I feel left out." He punched Duo's shoulder playfully. "What was he wearing?"

"Drew's clothes," Duo replied, although he knew that answer wouldn't satisfy Quatre.

He swatted him again. "That's not what I meant! Tell me!"

"No. It's our secret."

Quatre let out a laugh. "Goddamn you."

"It used to be the other way around, with you keeping secrets from me."

"Ah, so this is a taste of my own medicine, I suppose?"

Duo merely winked in response.

"Fine." He focused his attention back on the important task of shopping for a new fall and winter wardrobe. Duo followed him past the racks of designer clothes, not really looking whenever he pulled something out and asked Duo for his advice. He just nodded and picked a positive adjective from his brain at random. Quatre didn't mind.

In the next store, Duo asked: "How long has Heero known Drew?"

"Ohhh, I see how it is," Quatre teased him, "You don't want to tell me anything but you do expect me to spill the tea, huh?" He let Duo squirm in anticipation for a moment before he mercifully answered his question. "They met two years ago, through Nicole and Annessa. They were already friends with Drew. When Heero told them about, you know - the changes in his identity that he was going through - they introduced them to each other."

"Is Drew gender fluid like Heero?"

"No. Drew is transsexual."

"So, a trans woman, right? A woman born in a man's body?"

"Hmhm." Quatre held a blouse up to his chest but then put it back with a scrunched-up face. He continued casually: "I've never met her, but I know a little from the bits and pieces Heero told me. Drew knew at a very young age who she was, so she had a major head start on figuring herself out in comparison to Heero. She's been a really great-..." he paused to find the right word, "- mentor for him. Even though their situations are not the same, Heero's gotten more in-tune with his feminine side thanks to her. Obviously, Nicole and Annessa helped him explore that aspect of himself too, but Drew is the one who really helped him be able to see himself as a woman, in spite of his body parts."

"That's good." It relieved Duo to know that Heero had such support all that time. "Is Drew physically female now?"

"No, I don't think so. Heero did mention that she had her breasts done, and is saving up for facial feminization surgery, but he didn't say anything about-..." Rather than finishing his sentence he gestured down at his own crotch. "I guess that's private anyway. I didn't ask."

Duo nodded in understanding and felt silly then for asking about it to begin with; it didn't matter.

"How have you been doing?" Quatre inquired, while appreciating a dark blue blazer.

"I've been..." He thought for a moment but could only conclude: "... Good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I feel at peace, I guess. Yeah, that's the best way to put it."

He ignored the blazer and focused his undivided attention on Duo. "At peace? About what?"

"I was really stressed before. Stressed that Heero hated me. Stressed about my feelings for him never leading anywhere. Stressed about the secret, thinking the worst things." Duo shrugged. "I know now that Heero doesn't hate me. Actually, I think he might have feelings for me too. He was only pushing me away because he wanted to keep his secret at all cost. A secret that, as it turns out, isn't really anything bad. Not to me, at least. I'm still worried about him, of course, but it's different, because now that I know, I know that I can help him if he needs me to, and I know that he has you, and Drew and the other girls. I feel... hopeful and... Well... at peace," he repeated sheepishly.

Quatre smiled and then shook his head.

"What?"

"Duo," he paused and turned to face him, "you are a pretty remarkable guy."

The taller man blushed in response. "Thanks, Quat."

"And a hopeless romantic. Who would have ever thought?" The blonde teased.

"I was romantic before!"

"You considered dating a girl you didn't like to get a damn sock back!"

Duo let out a loud laugh that was inappropriate in the quiet, fancy store. "That was ages ago!"

"Almost a year," Quatre concurred.

Duo frowned. Had it really been that long? It felt odd realizing that Quatre was right. Time had flown by. "Heero's birthday is in two months," he said to no one in particular.

"Hmhm."

"I have to get him something better than last time."

"What did you get him last time?"

"Socks."

Quatre laughed just as loud as Duo did before, drawing the attention of the staff. "Yeah, you have to get him something better."

Duo made a face at a particularly stuck-up clerk that was giving them the side-eye for being loud. "Jesus, is this a store or a library?" He wondered, purposefully turning up the volume of is voice.

"Shhh!" Quatre chuckled. "It's Chanel." The American stopped and stared at his friend with a silly expression. He hadn't even noticed; he blindly followed Quatre into the store. "What?"

Duo shook his head. "Nothing. Just remembered something funny."

"Wanna share?"

"Nope." He leaned in and whispered: "It's a secret."

"Damn you, Maxwell!"

It was a Thursday night and Duo sat slouched on the couch, with his feet propped up on the coffee table. It had been a long day in the shop. On his way home, he picked up a bucket of KFC buffalo wings and, upon arriving home, he fixed himself in front of the television. He had eaten his fill and washed it down with three beers. He only saw Heero once that evening when his roommate walked into the kitchen to get himself a beer as well. They exchanged greetings and a summarized recount of their day, and Heero stole a single buffalo wing. Then he returned to his bedroom, and Duo pressed play on the movie again.

He was chuckling at a dry joke and paid little attention when Heero's bedroom door opened again. The movie was nearly over, so Duo figured it was late and he expected his roommate to go into the bathroom to get ready for bed; instead he stalked towards him. Duo glanced over, noticing a dark look in Heero's eyes. He turned his head towards the TV again and pretended not to be intrigued.

The younger man came to stand by the couch. He towered over him. With the overhead lamp behind him, he cast a shadow across Duo's relaxed, slumped figure. He stared for a long time, waiting for Duo to acknowledge him, but the American refused to look up, even as his palms went sweaty and his fingertips tingled. Something electrifying was in the air.

Heero jostled Duo's extended leg with his knee and announced with a smooth voice and casual tone: "I'm horny." After a pause, he added: "I want to suck your cock."

Duo snapped his head up. He didn't miss a beat. "Okay."

Heero's face remained unreadable and his inflection leveled. "And then I want you to suck my cock."

Duo's gaze followed Heero's hands that lightly trailed down his own chest and abdomen to the obvious outline of his erection in his sweatpants.

With the same eagerness, as before, Duo replied: "Okay."

Heero smirked, but then he warned him seriously: "I'm being selfish again."

Duo knew it wouldn't mean the same to Heero as it did to him - Heero was not in love with him - not yet, at least - but he wanted whatever Heero was willing to give him. He wanted to know what it would be like, and he wouldn't be able to suffer it if the object of his affection backed down now for his sake. "We can be selfish together."

Heero nodded and touched his leg to Duo's again, wordlessly communicating to take his feet off the coffee table. Duo straightened up in his seat and planted his feet on the area rug. He watched - enthralled - as Heero elegantly lowered himself to the floor and occupied the space between Duo's parted knees. He groaned when lust-filled blue eyes shot him a look. In spite of the haze that quickly settled in his mind, Duo thought to press pause on the movie; he didn't want them to be interrupted by the dry dialogue and crazy shenanigans.

The Japanese man - he was definitely a man that night - stroked his hands up Duo's thighs. Then one hand kneaded the bulge in the front of his grease-stained jeans and the other pushed up his equally dirty shirt, and Heero's mouth descended on the exposed skin on his stomach. Within no time, Duo matched Heero's state of arousal; he squirmed uncomfortably as he was restrained by the stiff fabric of his jeans. Mercifully, the buttons were soon popped open and skilled hands helped his manhood out of his underwear. A golden hand pumped up and down his length a few times and Duo knew Heero was looking up at him, but he was too absorbed by the sight of those fingers on him. He squeezed his eyes shut and rolled his head back when the other leaned forward and let his tongue tease the sensitive head.

He expected Heero to go slow and continue driving him mad with teases, but instead he opened his mouth and brought his lips down as far as he could; Duo's shaft disappeared nearly all the way into that wet heat. His hands instinctively reached for the wild mop of hair, urging Heero to keep him deep inside his mouth and throat as long as he could, without actually stopping him from pulling back if he needed to, of course.

Heero deep-throated him several more times, looking relaxed doing it, pulling back and sucking on the crown whenever he needed a moment to catch his breath. At times, he let his teeth carefully graze the shaft and it made Duo gasp and tremble. His tongue was hot and flexible as it explored all of Duo's most sensitive spots. He was skilled - he obviously had a lot of practice, but he was unashamed of that, as he ought to be.

"You are very good at this," Duo breathed and then he made a face at how obscene of a compliment that was - he didn't want it to be taken the wrong way. His discomfort was soon erased when Heero released him from his mouth long enough to flash him a proud smirk. Emboldened, Duo continued, as the other's lips stretched around him again, working slowly towards the base: "You love it, don't you?" He shuddered when Heero moaned in reply. "You love having a hard cock in your mouth."

Heero released him with an audible pop and used his hand to keep pleasuring him. "It feels good. You'll see soon enough." He sat back on his haunches and gestured for Duo to stand up between his kneeling figure and the edge of the couch. "Fuck my mouth," he said lewdly. "You don't have to be gentle."

Duo wove his fingers through the chocolate brown hair again, holding his head steady. Heero simply closed his eyes and parted his lips and let Duo push back inside him, as deep and as fast as he pleased. His hands were on Duo's hips, the thumbs hooked through his belt loops, but his hold was light; he did nothing to control Duo's thrusts, but Duo trusted that his hands were ready to stop him should he inadvertently hurt him.

He wasn't gentle, because he knew Heero didn't want him to be. But he knew how far he could push and how long Heero could hold him: Heero gave him a demonstration only minutes earlier, when he was still the one in control. When he realized that he didn't have to intervene, Heero lowered both of his hands down to his own lap. He didn't use them to touch himself - they just rested there, completely relaxed, the fingers slightly curled. It was a sign of trust and encouragement that aroused Duo even further.

"Can I come in your mouth?" Duo asked through gritted teeth when he felt himself get close. Heero moaned - it was all he could do; his eyes were still closed. Duo chuckled. "Is that a yes or a no?" Heero let out another, drawn out moan. The vibrations in his throat felt so good that it pushed Duo closer to the edge. Heero must have known that; that was his answer.

He made his thrusts a little more shallow, and Heero moaned incessantly, treating him to more of those vibrations. His orgasm was intense and blinding and he doubled over, folding himself over Heero's head when all the tension left his body. It was the ultimate release.

After taking a moment to catch his breath, Duo pulled back and let himself fall onto the cushions of the couch. "Holy shit." His eyes slipped closed. He was content and sleepy. He yelped when Heero hooked his hands behind his knees and pulled him to sit on the edge of the couch.

"We're not done yet." Heero tone was predatory and it was like a defibrillator, bringing Duo back to life. He rose from the floor and climbed on top of Duo, straddling his legs. He pushed the other man's shoulders against the backrest and scooted closer, so he was straddling his slouched torso.

Duo realized that, with their height difference, the position put his face on the same level as Heero's groin - and very close to it too. He smirked, but he was a little uncertain.

Heero caught on and reassured him: "Anything that you can and are willing to do will feel good."

He nodded. He was still nervous, but mostly excited - he had wondered what it would be like for a while. He tugged Heero's sweatpants down to mid-thigh and touched him through his black boxer-briefs first, exploring the shape angled up to his hip. He only had to push his head forward a couple of inches to be able to mouth the tip; his lips felt the wetness of pre-come that soaked through the fabric and he licked at the wet spot, getting his first taste. He slipped his hand between Heero's legs, letting the heel of his palm provide pressure against his balls, while his fingers reached further to massage the taint. Heero moaned in appreciation.

It helped that, being a man himself, Duo obviously knew a thing or two about what felt good. That gave him the confidence he needed to continue. He hooked his fingers into the waistband and stretched it out in the front to be able to comfortably pull it down. Heero's erection sprang free and pressed against his cheek. Duo chuckled sheepishly and leaned his head back a little. He looked up at Heero and took a moment to drown in the dark pools of blue, then he refocused his attention.

Duo wrapped his hand around the base. Heero felt familiar: the thickness, the hardness, the pronounced vein on the underside that he could feel throb as he squeezed. He experienced a heady rush remembering the other times he held Heero's arousal, but he knew this time would be different; Heero was on the opposite end of the scale - it was readily apparent in how comfortable he was in his own skin. Duo hoped Heero would soon learn to feel at ease with his body regardless of where he was on the spectrum.

He darted his tongue out for the first, experimental lick. He liked how smooth the skin was, and how hot he felt - he didn't even mind the taste of the pearl of pre-come. Heero's arms were relaxed at his sides. The fingers of one hand tickled his thigh absentmindedly. His dark gaze was fixed on his lover.

His demeanor was so different from what Duo was used to. He was so confident and unapologetic with regards to his wants and needs. Duo loved it, just as he loved it when Heero had been more coy and delicate. With Heero, Duo felt like a kid in a candy shop who was told he could have everything: the bite of Heero's dry humor and sassiness, his commanding ways and his perfect erection; and the sweet taste of his care, his softness and his femininity. Heero encompassed everything. Duo felt spoiled.

He grinned up at him and then finally took him into his mouth. He pushed his lips forward as far as he could go, but, not being used to it, his body wasn't as into it as his mind was. His throat constricted and his gag reflex warned him that if he'd try to go any further, he would embarrass himself. His hands went up to grab Heero's hips - he knew better but his body still feared Heero would move and subject him to more than he could handle.

"It's okay." Heero's voice was deep and husky - Duo had never heard it like that. He threaded the fingers of one hand through Duo's hair and gently guided his head back until only the tip and an inch beyond the crown remained in his mouth. "This is good to start with... Your mouth is so hot."

Duo hummed in gratitude. He sucked and swirled his tongue and the response of small sounds delighted him. He started bobbing his head and moving his fist up and down the shaft in tandem. Heero exhaled long and hard through his nose. His expression contorted between pleasure and concentration. His hips made the slightest, most shallow thrusts, but he stopped himself. His hand on Duo's head was encouraging but not demanding.

As he was starting to get more comfortable, Duo relaxed his jaw and took more of Heero into his mouth. He enjoyed how it felt. It was so intimate, and there was a high level of trust between the two of them. He didn't feel like there was anything demeaning about it, even though "cocksucker" had been the worst insult that was thrown around in the school yard when he was growing up.

He intermittently sucked and teased him with his tongue in a way that mimicked how Heero had treated him a few minutes earlier. He experimented with adding a bit of teeth to his technique, but he knew to save that for another time when Heero tensed up in response - and not in a good way. To make up for inadvertently hurting him, he forced himself to take another inch of his length into his mouth on the next down stroke of his lips; he was rewarded with a throaty moan. He could tell that the other was swiftly approaching his climax and the prospect thrilled Duo.

Heero moved one hand to cup Duo's chin, thumbing the hollow of his cheek as he sucked. "You're doing so well..."

Duo felt a silly sense of pride at the compliment. He sucked harder and thought to fondle his balls which had drawn up tightly under the base of his erection, in anticipation of an orgasm.

"Nnn... It feels good, Duo," Heero said. "Do you like it?"

"Hmhm," Duo managed with his mouth full and he threw a hungry look up at him.

Heero dipped his head back. "Ahh, fuck." His Adam's apple moved up and down the elongated column of his throat as he swallowed hard. He looked back down at Duo - his blue eyes darker than Duo had ever seen them - and he warned breathlessly: "I'm close."

Duo understood Heero was giving him a chance to pull back and finish him off with his hands if he was uncomfortable with the idea of letting the other come in his mouth; on the contrary, his own arousal came back to life at the thought. He kept bobbing his head, going as fast and taking the cock as deep as he could, while applying as much suction as he could manage, and making sure to let his tongue flick over the tip every time he pulled back; hopefully he was able to communicate his excitement to his partner that way.

"Uhh! Nnnn, yeah. Just like that, Duo." Heero pulled his own shirt up to his collarbone, held in place under his armpits and he stroked his fingers left and right on his abdomen, where Duo knew the building pressure was aching, to soothe the quaking core muscles. His blue eyes squeezed shut. "Ah! I'm-... Coming!"

Duo bravely and unwisely forced himself to take even more of him into his mouth, wanting to make Heero feel good as his orgasm overwhelmed him. It was a rookie mistake. The first shot of come against the back of his throat triggered his gag reflex and he had to pull back, leaving only the very end in his mouth. His face went red, but he was able to stop himself from choking and coughing, and kept sucking on the head as more semen spilled onto his tongue. Some of the initial load had instinctively been worked out of his mouth, expelled past his lips and he felt it dribble down his chin. The taste of it barely even registered. Duo felt high. It was an out-of-body experience.

Not until he was sure Heero was completely spent did he release him from his mouth and lean his head back against the back of the couch. A dull ache in his neck, from having been in a strained position, made itself known, but he wasn't bothered too much by it. With a slow-eyed gaze, Duo watched Heero tuck his softening member into his underwear, but he didn't zip up his jeans.

Heero smoothed his shirt back down and waited for Duo to make eye-contact. With a sloppy grin, he joked: "Baby's first blowjob." He reached down and thumbed the milky white trail off Duo's chin. Before the hand could retreat, Duo grabbed it by the wrist and sucked the thumb into his mouth, cleaning it with familiar swirls of his tongue and a suggestive look. He let go of him with a pop. Heero chuckled; the sound was deep and breathy and made Duo tingle pleasantly all over. He stayed upright, towering over the American who was used to being taller than everyone. It made Duo feel small, but he enjoyed it, it was a welcome variation. "Did you like that?" Heero asked. His smirk suggested he already knew the answer.

Duo shook his head. "I loved it." He grabbed the bony hips and pushed the hem of the shirt up with his nose so he could place a chaste kiss on the abdomen. "I loved it so much," he whispered against the skin. He sighed when Heero petted the top of his head, combing his fingers through his thick hair. "Thank you. Thank you," he muttered. His mind was still clouded.

Another chuckle escaped Heero, softer and sweeter this time.

"Gods, you're amazing. You're everything," Duo rambled. "How am I ever supposed to get enough of you?"

The Japanese man pushed him back and lowered himself into Duo's lap again. Once he was settled, he latched their mouths together and his demanding tongue sparred with Duo's. His hands were on either side of Duo's face, tilting his head at whatever angle he pleased as he ravaged his mouth, in full control of the kiss.

Duo realized the kiss served to keep him from saying things that Heero wasn't ready to hear. He let the other overwhelm him and surrendered once more to the new sensations that the very masculine Heero subjected him to. He liked how the gender-changes in Heero didn't only affect Heero himself, but Duo as well. He felt like he was being introduced to a new part of Heero and a new part of himself, which excited him. At any given time, Heero could change from one spot on the spectrum to the next - the younger man had trouble adjusting to the inconsistencies of his life, but Duo was thrilled by it.

Duo let his hands roam over the slender body perched on top of him, never slipping his hands under the fabric of his clothes; Heero was the dominant one this time, and he felt like he'd need to formally ask for permission first. Aroused by everything - the taste that lingered in his mouth, the tactile memories, the smell of Heero surrounding him and the passionate kiss - Duo was painfully hard and needy again; he whined pathetically when Heero palmed him through his boxers and mercifully brought him to completion without much effort, for the second time.

He wanted to say what was on his mind, but he didn't dare to. He recited it secretly to himself:

I love everything about you. I love how, who I am, depends on who you are. Every time you change, I learn something new and exciting about you, and about myself as well.

Chapter 9

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