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"Love Thy Neighbor"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, angst, fluff, citrus Pairings: 2x1 Summary: Duo's life gets turned upside down when
the house next to his is sold. The new neighbor exposes Duo to a lot
of new feelings but Duo's strict, religious upbringing makes him resist
them. He stubbornly denies that what he is feeling could be love. "Love Thy Neighbor" Chapter Nine He gingerly stepped into the bookstore after loitering
outside, just around the corner, for the past fifteen minutes. During
which time he told himself he wasn't coming back for the sake of making
up with his friend – he wasn't going to grovel, let alone give
WuFei the satisfaction of thinking he was right -, but rather that
he really needed a new book to sink his teeth into. And well, if mending
things between them would turn out to be a byproduct of a new literary
purchase, that wouldn't be the worst thing. The bell on the door chimed and a figure appeared in
the doorway to the back. "Duo!" Exclaimed a pleasant voice excitedly.
The woman approached him, stretching her arms out to accommodate his
frame as she was about to hug him. "Sally," He grunted in response in her tight
embrace. "It's been too long," She breathed in his
neck before establishing an appropriate distance between their bodies
again. Duo shrugged nervously. "It hasn't been our longest
falling out." "I know," She waved her hand dismissively.
"But I bet WuFei that you would be back in here within a week,
so as far as I'm concerned it took you too long. You cost me ten bucks." He chuckled. "Sorry about that." She smiled. "All joking aside, he'll be happy to
see you. You know he's the worst at taking the first step. God, did
I learn that the hard way, eventually, after eight years I decided
I would was just going to have to propose to him." She ushered
me further into the store towards the seats in the corner. That wasn't how WuFei recounts the proposal-story, Duo
thought to himself with a smile. "Is he here?" He wondered,
taking a seat. After a short while WuFei appeared from between the
bookshelves, pushing his wheelchair to the seating area. "Took
you long enough," He remarked dryly. "As I understand it my absence earned you some
cash, so it couldn't have been that bad." The Asian man smiled as he maneuvered his wheelchair
close to Duo's seat. "I've set aside a couple of books that came
in with new shipments that I thought you might like." "Thanks." "You must have been bored not having anything new
to read all this time." "Bored?" Duo mirrored, bemused. "Not
really." WuFei's eyebrows raised. He was about to open his mouth
to insist on Duo elaborating when Sally returned with a tray with
steaming teacups and a platter of cookies. "You didn't have to go through the trouble, Sally,"
Duo assured her, but accepted the cup of tea regardless, there would
be no arguing with her. "Shut up and take a cookie." She held the
platter under his nose. He picked a plain bisquit and nibbled at it, watching
her force her tea on her husband. "I don't want a cookie," He objected childishly
when she pushed them towards him. "Honey, you should eat. Don't think I didn't notice
you skipped lunch." "I don't want a cookie." She sighed dramatically and threw Duo a 'do-you-see-what-I-have-to-deal-with?'
look. "Do you want me to make a sandwich then?" "Please, woman, for God's sake! No cookie! No sandwich!" They glared at each other but then both burst into laughter
simultaneously. "Stubborn asshole," She muttered as she leaned
in for a kiss. "Insufferable woman," WuFei returned with
a smile. "Could you please go grab that box of books that I have
been gathering for Duo? Before we both forget and let him leave without
it." "Sure," Sally quipped and headed towards the
back of the store. WuFei leaned in closer to his friend, his voice hushed
until Sally was out of sight. "Quick, tell me about this lack
of boredom you've experienced before she returns and concocts a conversation
with the sole purpose of dropping hints that she wants a baby." "A baby, really?" The American asked excitedly. WuFei scowled at him. "Right… well… Heero has been keeping
me company. Or vice versa, since we spend most time at his place."
He popped the rets of the bisquit into his mouth, it crunching audibly
between his jaws as he chewed. "So, you've been hanging out with Heero. Interesting."
The bookstore-owner took a thoughtful sip of his tea. His eyes shone
mischievously. "I think my wife owes me another ten bucks." Duo coughed, sending crumbs flying. A swallow of tea
cleared his throat. "The two of you need a hobby." "Don't deflect. Tell me how things are between
you and Heero?" The American made a face. "Don't sound so excited.
There is no 'me and Heero', certainly not in the way you're implying-" "And hoping for," WuFei supplied. Duo rolled his eyes. "It's nothing like that. The
fact that I'm spending some time with Heero doesn't mean that you
were right and it hardly means I am going to follow your advise and
just 'be gay'. All it is is me… sowing my wild oats." WuFei leaned back in his wheelchair, his expression
was one of dismay. "I'm getting it out of my system," He continued
bravely despite the clear judgment in his friend's eyes. "Once
Heero moves away – which he will – I can go back to the
way things were." "And what is that exactly?" WuFei grumbled. "Peaceful. Uncomplicated and undisturbed,"
Was the instant reply. He had been giving the matter a fair amount
of thought. After all, he had had many sleepless nights to kill since
giving into his lust for the young neighbor. The only way he could
alleviate his guilt and self-loathing for his weakness was by arguing
it was merely a means to an end. The Chinese man was obviously displeased, but Duo suspected
his friend still harbored hope for things to turn out differently.
Neither of them had the heart to argue with the other any more on
the matter, not considering the rift the issue had already caused
between them. The return of Sally was welcomed. She looked somewhat
flustered carrying the undoubtedly heavy box filled with books to
the front of the store. "Next time you ask me to get something for you,"
She started, dumping the box at Duo's feet and then turning to face
her husband, "You might want to tell me when you've moved it
since I last saw it. I felt like an idiot looking for one particular
box in that maze of identical boxes back there." "I didn't move it." She put her hands on her hips. "Oh, you're suggesting
I moved it and just forgot about it?" WuFei raised his hands in surrender but mumbled under
his breath: "All I'm saying is that I didn't move it." "Wanna bet?" Duo quipped, earning stares from
both of them. Sally joined them for tea and like WuFei had predicted
she was quick to introduce a baby-related topic, cutting off her husband
who was telling Duo about an old friend from highschool who came into
the store that week to talk about a good friend of hers who recently
announced her pregnancy. Duo smiled inwardly at the antics of the couple. The
two of them were so fiery and so oppositional, yet more in love than
he had ever been witnessed to in any other marriage, even after ten
years – seven years of dating, three years of wedded bliss. They
could share a heated argument, call each other names, and still end
up laughing; at each other and at themselves. Sally continued to drop unsubtle hints and Duo had a
hard time not laughing at his friend's dry responses, always emphasazing
the pronouns – quite exaggeratedly – when he responded with
the likes of: 'How wonderful for them', 'It sounds like she is really
happy' and 'He must have been overjoyed at the news'. He didn't know why WuFei was not enthused by the thought
of having children, at least not anytime soon and he realized the
reasons behind WuFei's reluctance may never be explained to him by
the man himself. Even though they had been friends since high school
and their friendship had strengthened going through the many ups and
downs in their relationship as well as in their individual lives,
most intimate and personal matters had always been left unsaid between
them. It was only a relatively recent development that WuFei had been
prying into his personal life so much, prompted by Sally, and he wasn't
sure how he felt about that, much less about whether or not he should
'return the favor' and encourage – or push – WuFei to share
more regarding his inner qualms. He doubted the Asian man would appreciate
it. He had always been a strong, self-sufficient, alpha-male. If anything
even more so since the accident that left him a paraplegic; like he
had to compensate for the paralysis of his legs by being even stronger
and stubborn mentally; like he had already reached the maximum amount
of weakness he was comfortable with showing to the world. The author lost himself in his thoughts to the background
chatter of the married couple. He couldn't help but wonder if he would ever have that
kind of relationship. If he was ever even meant to have that kind
of relationship. If he ever had been or would be deemed worthy of
that kind of love, acceptance and trust. If there was anyone out there
who would love him so wholly that all the differences between them
would cease to matter and the only memorable thing about every quarrel,
spat, argument or fight was the make-up sex afterwards. After tea he took the heavy box of books with him. WuFei
refused to receive payment for the collection. His car pulled into the driveway and as he shifted into
'park' his eyes found Heero near his red truck, unloading supplies
from the back. A smile forced it's way to his lips after originating
God knows where. Heero saw him – there was but a second of smoldering
eye-contact – but pretended he hadn't. He grabbed the last of
the equipment, kicking the hatch of the back of his truck shut and
headed into the house, closing the front door behind him. Duo struggled to get out of his seatbelt in a hurry
and scampered to the front door, skipping the three steps leading
up to his front porch, simply jumping right onto it. He waved absent-mindedly
at Bryce, washing his car, his pride and joy, in the driveway, and
he pushed inside. It was a short jog to the back of the house to unlock
the kitchen door. He stepped back, leaning his hip against the dinner
table and waited breathlessly. Five heartbeats later a shape appeared
on the other side of the thin curtain, getting darker and more sharply
defined as it approached. The door swung open and Heero paused. "Hey." "Hey." Goddamn that crooked grin that appeared
on his face, Duo thought, trying to mold his expression into something
more respectable, but it was hopeless. He felt giddy, though desperate
to believe he didn't really. The young man closed the distance, his heavy workboots
clunking on the hardwood floors. He threw his body against Duo's,
wrapping his arms around the taller man's neck and pushed up to merge
their lips in a hungry kiss that blissfully lacked all conscious thought
and was solely fuelled by wild abandon. The American's big hands were gripping at Heero's sides
as he returned the kiss fervently, breathing harshly through his nose
like Heero was, for neither of them was willing to pull apart and
pause for the sake of oxygen. With his tongue he ravished the other's
mouth savagely. Their kisses had long moved past innocence, gentleness
and uncertainty with them both recognizing the temporary nature of
their involvement and helpless to fight the urge to get as much satisfaction
from the other as possible without moving things forward obscenely
fast. Passionate kisses were all Duo dared to indulge in for the time
being, but he could sense the magnetic pull towards more and he could
tell Heero was also increasingly eager to move the focus of their
stimulation further south. "I missed you," Duo heedlessly confessed against
Heero's lips. "I've only been away for two days," The exotic
neighbor pointed out, pressing their mouths together again. With his
rough hands he cupped Duo's face. He moaned when he felt Heero thrust his hips against
his. Then chuckled at the young man's mischievousness as his lower
lip was gently but insistently being bitten on. He liked the way he was with Heero. Because he wasn't
himself around him. He allowed himself to let go of his concerns and
the physical contact was more than apt at distracting him. With his hands he gripped Heero's buttocks and lifted
him up. He spun them around and seated Heero on the edge of the table,
standing between his spread legs. All the while their mouths were
still locked together, their tongues playfully sparring. One of Heero's hands dropped to the small of Duo's back,
urging him to come nearer while simultaneously scooting closer to
the edge of the table to press their groins together. The younger one of the two briefly paused the kiss to
wisper hotly in the other's ear: "I want to take your shirt off." That was new, Duo thought, but he realized he wasn't
opposed to the idea, as he had previously been. And his temperature
had sky-rocketed to a certain extent that it would probably be a relief
to strip away some clothing. "Okay," He agreed hoarsely. Instantly nimble fingers were at the hem of his long-sleeved
shirt, pulling it up, course knuckles brushing along his torso, leaving
a trail of goosebumps. The fabric was discarded, tossed over Duo's
broad shoulders, and Heero sensually ran his hands down the exposed
chest and abdomen, a hunger in his eyes as he sat back and observed
the expanse of skin and the definition of muscle underneath. He leaned
forward to place kisses along the older man's neck and jawline while
the pads of his fingers explored and caressed. Before long Duo found himself inching up the fabric
of Heero's shirt and the young man quickly cooperated to rid himself
of the article of clothing. His neighbor pressed their chests together,
kissing his mouth anew. He was painfully hard and embarrassingly close to coming
in his pants. Before he would make a mess and make an utter fool of
himself, he detached their lips to say: "Shit. We should stop." "But you missed me," Heero mewled pathetically.
"And I missed you." "I know. I know," He whispered apologetically. Heero groaned. "But-" "Soon," He hurriedly promised, he couldn't
stand the idea of his neighbor backing out of their deal because he
wasn't quite ready to give him the kind of satisfaction that he sought.
"But not yet. Not now." The young neighbor sighed and buried his face in his
hands and leaned his forehead against the author's chest. "I'm sorry." "It's fine," Heero assured, although the disappointment
was evident in his deep, mumbled voice. Duo stepped away and retrieved both their shirts from
the kitchenfloor. "Thanks," Said Heero gruffly, then got dressed
with sharp movements. He jumped off the table and moved to the sink
to splash some cool water on his face. To fill the uncomfortable silence Duo wondered: "How
was your trip?" Heero had been out of town for two days, driving
up state to pick up equipment that his friend Trowa told him he could
borrow. "Good." Was the curt reply. He lifted the
front of his shirt to dry his face. "Are you going to have to drive all the way back
there to give him the stuff back?" He continued dumbly. "No, he's coming down here for a weekend in two weeks anyway to help with some stuff. He can take the equipment back home with him when he leaves." He turned around, leaning back against the counter. He stuffed his hands deep into the pockets of his cargo pants. His eyes were unreadable. Eventually, he announced:
"I should get back to work." "Do you need help with something?" The American
was quick to offer. That is what it had been like for the past few
weeks afterall; heated make-out sessions alternated by sweaty manual
labor as Duo helped with odd chores during the ongoing renovation.
He liked working on the house, or maybe he just liked being around
Heero as much as he could, he wasn't sure, he just knew that he liked
the way he felt stripping dated wallpaper and sanding doorways. Tasking
himself with these chores left him without the focus to wallow, doubt
or regret; the work was too loud and it was too hot. "No, it's fine." Duo frowned. He noticed Heero used that word –
'fine' – a lot lately but he never seemed to mean it in a high-spirited
way. "Are you sure?" He pushed. "No, really-" "Heero, come on, you know I don't mind helping
out." "I actually just want to be alone for a bit,"
He snapped. The young man heaved a sigh and cast his gaze down to
his dusted boots. "Oh." "Oh," He mirrored bitingly. Another frown, one of dismay. "What are you so
angry about? What have I done now?" Heero glared at him, he removed his hands from his pockets
to gesture angrily as he spoke. "I was going to go home, alone,
to fucking jerk off, okay?" Duo reeled back. Heero continued. "Fuck! Why are we even doing this?
Do I even affect you? Sure, you get a hard-on one minute, but the
next you're like: 'let's tear down some drywall'. Meanwhile my knees
are still fucking shaking! I don't like this! I don't like this at
all!" "Stop yelling at me! You knew what you were getting
into when we started this." "That's just it, I didn't!" Argued the Japanese
man. "I still don't! I don't know what we are! We aren't fuckbuddies,
because God knows we're not fucking," Duo cringed. "But we're not dating either because we don't go
on dates." He took a deep breath to calm himself. "Look,
you want to take things slow, I understand that. But if we are taking
things slow, then to me that means this isn't about sex. If it's not
about sex I want it to be about something else. Afterall, there's
no point in a friends-with-benefits situation if the situation is
not beneficial." "You want to date," The older man concluded. Heero shrugged but from the shy look in his eyes it
was clear that that was indeed what he wanted. "But haven't we been sort of dating?" He proffered
in defense. "We've been spending time together. We've been getting
to know each other." "Spackling walls and ordering take-out isn't dating,"
Heero stated, his tone of voice more amused than anything else. Duo nodded slowly. "I just think something like a dinner and a movie
would be nice from time to time," He suggested timidly. A dinner in a restaurant and a movie in a cinema, Duo
acknowledged apprehensively. Out in public. "But I'm not…
gay." He made a face at his own words. Heero's jaw tensed and he was quiet for a while. "When you leave," The religious man started
to explain, "I intend to go back to my old life. If I'm seen
doing date-like things with you, there will be no old life for me
to get back to, everything will change." He wasn't opposed to the suggestion because he had predicted
he would feel like less of a creep if they would assume more normal
relationship behavior, but since none of it was meant to last and
the collective experience would be one of futility and one he would
have to try to forget if he were to be able to live with himself afterwards,
he didn't want to risk the stability of his life for the unstable
relationship. After a long, contemplative silence Heero spoke: "We
could go somewhere out of town, where nobody will recognize us." It seemed like an illadvised risk but Duo felt compelled
to take it. He didn't want Heero to feel bad about and unsatisfied
with what they were doing and even though the idea of going on a proper
date with Heero was frightening there was a distinct fluttering of
butterflies in his stomach that excited him and made him bold. "Okay,"
He agreed. He had expected Heero to react thrilled, but instead the
younger man chewed the inside of his cheek and his expression was
one of uneasiness and regret, like he had been gifted a dead bird. However, the other finally concurred. "Okay." "WuFei told me about this really big cinema a few
towns over, stadium-seating and everything. It's only like a forty-minute
drive. We could go there." "Alright," Was Heero indifferent reply. Duo resisted the urge to express his dismay at Heero's
demeanor. He acknowledged that for an openly gay man like him it could
not be easy to agree to all the rules and stipulations that limited
and complicated their involvement, but in spite of his sympathy, the
standoffish attitude irked him. "Cool. I'll make dinner reservations
and after dinner we can go watch a movie. Is tomorrow good for you?" Heero slowly perked up and with an endearing, coy smile
he replied: "Tomorrow is good." They nodded in unison and then a silence settled anew. "I should probably get going." The younger
one started towards the door. "Yeah." Standing in the door opening Heero turned around and
informed Duo mischievously: "I'm still going to jerk off, you
know?" With a smile he closed the door behind him. The man was left with a dry mouth. He approached the
door and pulled the curtain aside to watch Heero sneak back into his
own backyard. The young man was proving to be quite the rollercoaster
ride, but Duo was still enjoying the ride. He just hoped he wouldn't
be sick afterwards; when Heero would move out of his life and leave
him with his feet planted on solid ground again. He went to his car to retrieve the box of books from
the passenger seat. He would need an unhealthy dose of new literature
to keep his mind from wandering. Although standing in the driveway,
throwing inconspicuous looks at the house next door, he couldn't help
but imagine what was going on there right now; if Heero hadn't just
been messing with his head when he announced he was about to masturbate.
Strategically holding the box in front of him to hide an embarrassing
state of arousal, he kicked the passenger door shut and started towards
his front door. "Duo!" Apparently a single shrill cry was all it took to take
care of the situation in his pants. He turned around to face Relena
who had come from across the street to stand in front of him. "Duo, I was hoping I would run into you." Run into me… spy on my house from your living room
window and then chase me… what's the difference? Though the man
bitterly. "I feel really bad about the way things have been
between us since the NA meeting." "Narcotics Anonymous?" He joked. She put her hands on her hips and pursed her lips. "That's
not funny, Duo." "Right, no, you're right. The Neighborhood Association
meeting, sorry." With nothing left to hide he put down the heavy
box. She formed a smile. "Well, even though we have
a difference of opinion regarding… that," She threw a look
over her shoulder at the offensive "Stop Prop 8" sign still
on display in Heero's front yard, "we are still neighbors, a
comunity, which basically means we're family, don't you agree?" Duo reluctantly nodded. "I was really hoping you would join us for dinner
tomorrow evening. It would mean so much to both Carlton and I." He started digging into the gravel of his driveway with
the toe of his boot. "I uh… I can't tomorrow." "Why not?" "I…" He struggled to come up with an
appropriate excuse that didn't involve admitting to his set date with
his neighbor. "What could possibly be more important than mending
'family ties'?" She blinked her big, blue eyes sweetly. Oh Lord. "I'm just… not free tomorrow evening." "Duo," She whined, "What kind of vague,
nonsense excuse is that?" Since the entire neighborhood knew he was unemployed
and didn't have any family or the kind of friends to go out with for
a night on the town, the only, and least incriminating, thing he could
come up with was: "I'm helping Heero with the renovations all
day tomorrow." The news clearly displeased her. "Honestly, I don't
understand why you would want to spend any time with him, let alone
help him." "Well, Relena, he's our neighbor. That practically
makes him family, right?" He grinned. She sputtered something unintelligible. Then she molded
her face into something more respectable and stated: "Fine. Consider
him invited too. Can you tell him we will be expecting you both at
dinner tomorrow, at seven? And please change out of your work-clothes
first." She pivoted on her heels and promptly walked away. "Wait… what?" Abort! Abort! She spun around. "I suppose you are right, Duo.
As long as he's here, we will just have to suffer him. If I can handle
my green-party, hippy uncle at every wedding and birthday I'm sure
I can handle a queer for one evening. I'm not going to let you or
him make me the villain of the neighborhood." She stomped her
small foot to emphasize her point. "I'll see you two at dinner
tomorrow." With slack jaw he watched her disappear into her house.
"I… I… I…" He stammered patherically. He
looked over and saw Bryce holding the garden hose aimlessly, his car
still soaped-up. The man waved awkwardly and then thought to point
the spray of water at the suds to wash them away. He returned the gesture with a grimace, picked up the
box at his feet and headed inside. Not quite ready to confess to Heero that he had ruined
their first date before it had even started, he rummaged through the
contents of the box, heaving a sigh when he came across yet another
copy of his own novel. He tossed it aside and picked one from the
others at random. Tucked into his favorite seat he opened the rough
pages and started to read. He stepped into the shoes of the bold protagonist who
had survived the second world war but became aware that people were
spying on him, leading him on a chilling hunt to find out who was
truly his friend and who was his foe as everyone seemed to want to
manipulate him for their own purposes. When his stomach startled to rumble several hours into
the gripping tale he extracted himself from the soft cushions of the
lounge chair and stalked over to the kitchen to make himself two peanut-butter
and jelly sandwiches that – according to the time – would
be his dinner. Before he would lose himself once more in WuFei's interesting
recommendation, he figured he had to confront Heero first. Still chewing
on his last bite of sandwhich he stepped into the back yard and slipped
through the hedges in the back. Wiping the crumbs off his shirt he
approached the back porch of the old house. He knocked twice. "Come in!" The American pushed the door open and gingerly stepped
inside the deconstructed kitchen. Heero was on his knees on the dining room floor, poking
a screwdriver at a professional sanding machine with which he had
treated about half of the wooden surface before it apparently gave
out on him. He blew his tousled bangs out of his face. "Hey,"
He greeted, then explained sheepishly: "Damn thing crapped out
on me. I'm starting to think it knows I'm not it's master and it's
acting out." "Need some help?" "No, it's okay, I got it working again last time.
The dust keeps clogging it up, I think there's something wrong with
the ventilation." He retracted the screw driver and then shook
the machine. Dust pooled at his knees. "There ya go." He
got up, not bothering to wipe his dirty pants and moved to plug the
chord into the outlet. With a flick of a big red switch the beast
came to life again with a whining cry. The young man smiled victoriously
and then switched it off after the successful test. "What's up?" "I have to talk to you," He started apologetically. Heero sighed. "It's about tomorrow, isn't it?" He nodded his head pitifully. "You want to cancel." "No," Duo reassured him, observing the crestfallen
look. "I do not want to cancel. It's just… I got us in a
bit of a pickle." "What kind of a pickle?" He seemed more curious
than upset. "A really, really sour one." Taking a deep
breath he decided to just spit it out. "We are invited for dinner
at Relena's." A hearty laugh erupted out of the Japanese man, but
then he fell silent. "You're not kidding," He accurately
observed. "I'm afraid not." He made a face. "That is sour." But then he
laughed again. "How did you get us into that?" With a scrunched up face Duo explained what happened
in his driveway. He was relieved Heero was taking it so lightly. "Man," He paused to chuckle and shake his
head, "I am going to wear the gayest shirt I own. In fact, I
might even head to the mall tomorrow and buy something expecially
'queer'." "Oh, God, please don't." "Come on Duo. I can show up dressed perfectly 'straight'
and they are still going to judge me, might as well have fun with
rainbow-prints." "I'm surprised you are taking the news so well,"
Duo admitted, "I don't think this dinner is going to be particularly
fun, especially for you. She's probably going to be catty to you all
evening." Heero shrugged. "It's fine. As long as I get a
raincheck on our dinner." He moved closer seductively. "Of course." "Good." He placed a chaste peck on Duo's lips,
then swatted his hand over the tall man's chest to wipe away the dust
he had deposited there by leaning into him with his dirty clothes. With a weight lifted from his shoulders the solitary
man quietly returned to his home and to the seat in the corner by
the bookcases. He picked up the book he had been reading and sank
right back into the alternate universe. He couldn't put it down until
he reached the climax of the story where it was revealed that the
character he had been rooting for and identifying with had actually
been imagining things as a result of the trauma he had suffered in
his past and as it turned out his only enemy was his own twisted mind,
which drove him to kill one of friends out of suspicion that the man
was a threat to him. He frowned at the cover as he let the plot twist sink
in. Considering it was WuFei's pick, he wondered if he was supposed
to glean a personal message from the written words. WuFei would argue
that Duo, like the lead character, was his own worst enemy, denying
himself close relationships out of fear and rejecting the earnesty
of one relationship in particular because past experiences brainwashed
him into believing nothing good could come from it. Ever since he
had been pointed out the unintentional double entendre of his own
literary work he had been particularly sensitive to the hidden meanings
in other fictional titles and he couldn't help but feel WuFei was
making another plea for him to change, through the words of a man
neither had ever met. Clever little meddler, Duo thought, but he discarded
the book back into the box and carried it into his office. With a
bitter grin he very much doubted the author intended for his labor
of love to be used to encourage struggling individuals to accept their
'gayness'. He put the box down on the floor in a corner where it was
instantly lost between the existing, permanent clutter. The prospect
of his friend trying to persuade him to change his ways through seemingly
unrelated fiction made the books completely unappealing to him. Maybe
he was just imagining things, his own mind – and his mind alone
– constructing the parallels, without any misguided intentions
on WuFei's behalf involved, but he couldn't take any risks. He was
stretching his faith in himself and in his life too much as it was.
There was no more stretch left in the fabric of his existence, pull
any harder and the threads would be undone and everything would be
ripped apart. It was, after all, nothing but a delicate weave of the
twin strands of faith and denial. He relocated to upstairs and only then caught a glimpse
of the time, three AM. Peeking out the bedroom window facing the house
next door Duo noticed all the lights were off, in the neighborhood
beyond as well. Not all that tired he took a languid shower first,
letting the warm water calm his mind and soothe his body, tricking
it into yearning for the warmth of the bed linen as soon as he turned
the faucet and stepped onto the cold tile. He had managed to keep
his hair mostly dry, so he patted himself down with the towel quickly
and jumped into last night's nightwear that had been draped over the
bathroom radiator, making it nice and warm to compensate for the fact
that the bedsheets were chilled. He blinked once. Twice. Three times. Then frowned. The
bedroom was bathed in rich hues of orange, the sun was already rising,
it was morning. He couldn't ever remember falling asleep so quickly
and into such a dreamless sleep. He lingered in bed until his limbs
felt well-rested and his back actually started to get stiff. His entire
body stiffened up when he realized it was the day of 'the dinner'. A groan escaped it. It would be a challenging day. It
would be one of those days he would usually actively work to avoid. It wasn't until he was hovering over a cup of steaming
hot coffee that his mind really started to awaken and the nerves started
to build. Had the prospect of just a date been daunting enough to
him, he would also have to deal with the dinner with Relena and Carlton.
He worried because he wasn't sure he could trust Heero to be as devoted
to keeping their secret as he was and he wasva mere slip-of-the-tongue
removed from watching everything fall into ruin. It was just a joke
to Heero, after all, the younger man laughed at the ignorance and
bigotry of others, unaffected by it's venomous nature simply because
he had grown to become immune to it. Meanwhile Duo had everything
to fear and if his reputation as a God-fearing man would be sullied
he would not be left with many options other than moving away –
leaving behind the beloved house that had been his turtle-shell for
many years – and starting anew, away from judgment and preconceived
notions. It wasn't so much that he feared the hate of others, he was
more bothered by the fact that once people would be aware of the issues
he was struggling with they would assume things about him; who he
was and how he was supposed to behave. To him that was a dangerous
gateway to walking the false path of unethical desires. The neighbors
were guards to his behavior, their watchful eye helped prevent him
from wholly giving into his lust. They were his yardstick to asses
what would be considered crossing the line and what was still acceptable.
With no one else making sure he didn't stray from the straight and
narrow he couldn't afford to lose that. The concerns that clouded his thought all day caused
him worry that he wouldn't be able to eat a single bite at dinner
as they created a nauseating pressure in his stomach. He spent the day reading bits and pieces of the one
book that he felt posed no threat to him: the Bible. Of course time went by far too quickly and the 'relaxing
bath' he decided to take failed to live up to the expectations. He
got out of the tub after onty fifteen minutes of poking at suds. He
got dressed in grey slacks and a black turtleneck as planned, but
with some time left he returned to the only truly comfortable seat
in the house to read a few more passages. If they failed to put him
at ease than at least they would help keep things in perspective for
him. Regardless of how taken he was with Heero, especially the physicality
that the attractive young man provided him, he couldn't lose his focus
on what was truly important; his religion. So even though Heero might
accompany him to dinner looking absolutely breathtaking – as
he was sure he would, in spite of the teasing remarks about 'rainbow
shirts' – he couldn't afford to steal lingering glances or get
distracted by the creamy smooth quality of the young man's surprisingly
deep, enigmatic voice. He had already decided that once Heero had moved out
of the neighborhood, his lust would again be inferior to his devotion
to his faith. It was the only way he knew how to live. Which explained
his uncertainty and discomfort until that time came, he was a fish
out of water. He had never properly dated, he had never given into
impulsive urges, he had never experienced such a physical attraction
to another person, much less acted on it. Hilde had been his high
school sweetheart only in the sense that as captain of the football
team and head cheerleader they were supposed to date and he didn't
feel utterly uncomfortable around her. The only reason they got married
was to fulfill the wishes of their parents – his mostly. Romance,
love, attraction… one even less important than the other. Morals,
values and standards formed the mold within which the marriage had
to fit, everything else was redundant. It certainly wasn't taken into
consideration what Duo or Hilde thought of the matter, their perspectives
on the situation were dismissed as one of the redundant aspects. What
mattered was what the priest had to say. What mattered was what God
had to say, in another one of his father's dreams. Hilde was supposed
to be the medicine to cure him of his affection for Anthony. But things
didn't turn out as planned, as they hardly ever did, and no one really
benefited from the situation the way they were supposed to. He violently jolted out of his seat at the sound of
the chime of the doorbell. The Bible fell to the hardwood floor with
a sickening thud, mirroring the brick dropping in Duo's stomach. He
retrieved the book from the floor, caressed the spine as if to soothe
away a pain and then ceremoniously placed it on top of all the other
books stacked up on the end table. With large strides he moved into
the hallway to open the front door. Heero was as much a vision as he feared. Mercilessly
dressed in a wonderfully fitted pair of black slacks, a black button-up
shirt and with a mocking pink bowtie around his neck the shorter man
looked up at him with a mirthful glint in his eyes, holding a bouquet
of pink roses. "Are those for me?" The man anxiously joked. "No, for Relena." He nodded slowly, his eyes glued to the bowtie. "Nice…
pink…" He stammered. Heero tilted his head and smiled. "I hoped you
would like it. I went to the mall today to get it." "They were fresh out of rainbow shirts, huh?"
Duo commented, pocketing his keys and stepping out onto the porch,
closing the front door behind him. "I figured this was more whimsical." "She won't like it." "Maybe she will," He quipped, following him
across the street. "She seems to like the color pink." "On herself, not on a man." Heero let out a little gasp. "But Duo, I'm not
a man, I'm a queer," He jested, but his companion was too nervous
to be amused. Reluctantly he reached out to ring the doorbell, but
the door opened before his finger was halfway there. Relena – in a white dress with frilly pink apron
– opened the door with a carefully rehearsed smile and greeting,
but Duo noticed her eyes instantly zeroing in on the pink bowtie,
sharply contrasting with Heero's otherwise black attire. Her smile
faltered, if briefly. "Come in! Come in!" She urged, stepping
aside to give them a wide berth, Heero especially. She practically
recoiled when the exotic young man reached out to her to thank her
for inviting him and to hand her the throughtful present. "Thank you, they are beautiful," She remarked
mildly. She escorted them further into the house. The dinner table
was already set, elegantly. Carlton walked up to them and enthusiastically shook
both their hands. Standing right next to Heero as they were being welcomed
made Duo feel more awkward than he had anticipated, it felt like how
he imagined a double date would feel, two couples getting together.
They should have arrived separately, he realized, although that may
have seemed all the more silly. "I hope you like Cornish hens," Relena said,
walking past them into the kitchen. She practically dumped the bouquet
of roses on the counter in a corner and didn't look at them again
for the rest of the evening, much less bother to put them in a vase
with water. It was clear the flowers were destined for the trashcan
as she probably couldn't stand to display them in her house and look
at them for as long as they would last. Heero seemed unaffected by the hostess' blatant rejection
of his kind gesture and he listened to Carlton who recounted the time
they played wheelchair-basketball together, even going as far as acting
out a remarkable shot Heero had made. Duo couldn't understand how Heero could stand it, being
treated like that, being considered as less worthy, invited only to
prove a point, not because he was actually welcome. "Would you like something to drink?" Relena
interrupted the chatter. "Scotch, brandy?" She fixed her
gaze on Heero and with a practiced smile he offered: "Cosmopolitan?" "I'd like a beer, if it's all the same to you,"
Heero replied smoothly. "Me too, please." "Make that three, babe," Carlton added. Relena made a face at her husband. "It's not a
very refined drink to have before dinner." But she turned around
and moments later returned with a tray with three glasses of beer. The guests were instructed to take a seat in the living
room while the hostess finished preparing the first course in the
kitchen. Heero politely offered to help, but Relena ignored him. "Sorry," Carlton whispered once his lovely
wife was out of earshot. Heero shook his head. "It doesn't affect me." Duo took a big drink from his glass. Twenty minutes later they were invited to take a seat
at the dinner table. Carlton and Relena sat on either end of the long
table, leaving the guests to take a seat across from each other. The
hostess served a three course meal consisting of a fresh salad, Cornish
hens, steamed vegetables and Hasselback potatoes and as dessert a
'raspberry marzipan tart' that was altogether far too sweet for Duo's
liking. The few words that were spoken were mere niceties regarding
the meal, unoriginal and repetitive in nature in their struggle to
fill the uneasy silence. Most Relena did was proudly accept the compliments,
until suddenly she addressed Heero, like a missile locking in on it's
target. "How is the renovation going?" Heero was clearly surprised to be talked to and struggled
to swallow the bite of food. He wiped his mouth with his napkin before
replying: "Very good, thank you." "It must be very difficult for someone like you,
all that manual labor," She continued sweetly. "Someone like me?" Heero chuckled. "A
democrat?" She cocked her head. "You know what I mean." "I'm not sure. I've been renovating homes for years
now, I'm quite skilled at it. So it's actually not difficult at all
for someone like me; a renovator." Duo realized he was toying with her as much as she was
toying with him. Relena had been expecting a game of cat and mouse,
only to be faced with another cat. "I just can't imagine you getting much work done
with a sign like yours in your front yard. Is it a challenge to find
professionals willing to work for you? Is that why you do everything
by yourself?" "It's not a challenge at all, ma'am," Heero
replied. Duo coughed into his napkin to hide the chuckle that
escaped him at seeing Relena's eyebrow twitch at being called 'ma'am'. "People have been very kind and welcoming to me,
much like yourself." He took an innocent sip from his second
glass of beer. "In fact, after a day's work the roofing crew
gladly stuck around for a cold one." "They weren't uncomfortable around you?" She
took a delicate bite of her dessert. "Not in the least. In fact, one of them asked me
where I got the sign, he wanted to speak out against the proposition
as well." She quirked an eyebrow. "So he was gay?" "No ma'am. Happily married – to a woman –
with three beautiful children. He showed me the pictures." She smiled. "Well, that's the way a marriage is
a supposed to be, between a man and a woman. He ought to have known
that." "I've always thought the most important thing in
a marriage to be love, not gender. Marriage is supposed to be between
two people who love each other, nothing else matters. He thought the
same thing. He was met with a lot of judgment when he, as an African
American, asked a Caucasian woman for her hand in marriage." "That's different." "How so?" He wondered neutrally. "Just because people are of a different race doesn't
mean that they can't get married. It used to be that way, but that
was just an antiquated way of thinking. Man and woman of a different
race getting married is different from two men getting married, because
they can share a true, romantic love. It cannot be like that between
two men or two women. God does not condone it and therefore their
love is not true and it should certainly not be given the same status
as the love between a man and a woman by allowing queers to get married
like us." Duo cleared his throat. "Maybe we should talk about
something else?" Carlton nodded. "I agree." But Relena continued: "I don't care that you lust
after other men, that is your problem, it doesn't bother me. I am
not going to Hell because you behave ungodly. But what I do not want
is for someone like you to do the things you do and to broadcast the
things you do in my neighborhood and then have the audacity to claim
you have the same rights to get married as normal people do. Marriage
is by origin a religious institution, God does not approve of your
lifestyle, why would he want it to be honored through a ceremony as
sacred as a wedding? The kind of relationships you have are not worthy-" "Relena, please," Duo tried, even though Heero
still seemed unfazed. "No, Duo, don't interrupt me. You know what I'm
saying is true, you are a man of faith yourself. Their kind shamelessly
flaunts their Godless, oversexualized culture and they are fooling
themselves if they think it is worth all the trouble they are going
through for their rights to get married, because we all know they
know no loyalty. They don't really want marriage, they want anonymous
sex in dark alleys and the right to call their one-night-stands their
husbands." She pointed an upset finger at Heero. "You want
to live like that and burn in Hell? Fine, but don't expect me to support
your attempt to sully the sanctity of marriage." She finished
her glass of wine. Heero didn't say anything, he quickly ate his dessert.
It would have been easy to raise the issue of Carlton's many infedelities
– everyone on the street new about it, even Relena herself -
and rub in her face that her own, heterosexual marriage, also sullies
the sanctity of marriage. But he didn't, he accepted the abuse and
made himself a mouse so she could feel safe as the cat. And maybe, maybe Relena noticed it too, that he let
the easy jab slide. After a long, tense silence, Relena wondered politely:
"Would anybody like seconds? There is plenty of Raspberry Marzipan
tart left." "No, thank you," Said the three men in unison. They were invited to join the couple for after-dinner
drinks, extending the invitation was only the polite thing to do,
but both Relena and Carlton were visibly relieved when Duo denied
the offer and Heero seconded that. Following brief, stiff goodbyes,
the two were outside again. The American took a deep breath. He stuffed his hands
into his pockets and started towards his home. He heard Heero's footfalls
behind him. "Well… that was fun," He tried with a grimace.
He glanced over his shoulder at Heero, in time to see him shrug. "It wasn't that bad." "Not that bad? Did you hear what she said?"
He paused at his driveway. "Of course I did, she has excellent anunciation,"
Heero joked dismissively. "It doesn't bother you that she said you are going
to Hell?" Duo's skin was crawling after the uncomfortable dinner
that, if anything, reminded him of the risk he was taking with Heero. "Since I don't believe in Hell, it's not much of
a threat. It's like my aunt telling me my 'peepee' will fall off if
I rub it. Or when my dad used to tell me I wouldn't get any gifts
from Santa if I didn't keep my room straight." Duo scoffed. "You are comparing my faith to Santa
Claus?" "All I'm saying is that that kind of stuff is only
scary if you believe in it. If you don't believe, it's actually kind
of funny." The American shook his head and started towards his
front porch. "I don't find any of this funny. I happen to be
one of the believers that you find so amusing." He heard Heero
follow him. "I didn't mean that I'm laughing at you. I respect
your faith. I don't really understand it, but…" He tried
sheepishly. Duo paused by the door. He recognized that if he would
allow that to be the end of the night, come morning he wouldn't be
able to bring himself to face Heero anymore. He didn't want it to
end in yet another disagreement, another discussion. They had already
acknowledged their differences and accepted the limitations of their
arrangement, he didn't want to keep repeating that process of second-guessing
and disappointment; as if they didn't know what they were getting
themselves into. He wanted to enjoy the time he would have with Heero,
after all, he had decided the experience would have to last him a
lifetime, or atleast another two decades. It was boring and unsatisfying
to keep circling back to the same state, for both of them, he imagined. They had to get back on the horse. He hated that expression,
it sounded so outdated, it made him feel old, but it was true. With a sigh he turned around. "So, we had dinner…
what about that movie?" Even in the shadows of the clouded night Duo could tell
the younger man's face lit up. "You still want to go to the theater?" He shrugged. "I don't feel like driving all the
way out of town. I'm sure I have some DVD's tucked away someplace." A grin tugged at Heero's lips. He stepped onto the porch,
ready to follow him inside. Duo shook his head, cautiously looking around the neighborhood.
"Go to your place first and come around back." The Asian male stepped back, he seemed deflated but
he agreed to the terms. He offered a halfhearted wave goodbye for
show – no doubt someone was peeking from behind the curtains
– and he walked to the front door of the old house while Duo
disappeared inside. With hurried steps he crossed through his house to the kitchen in the back, closing blinds along the way. After taking a final deep breath he unlocked the kitchen door and waited for Heero with sweaty palms. He knew what his invitation to watch a movie in the privacy of his house implied. He wasn't sure if that had been his intention, but as the full realization dawned on him it was calm acceptance rather than panicked denial that became him. Maybe it was time for them to take the next physical step. It honestly didn't make much sense to take things slow, the more he considered it. It wasn't a relationship after all and it would be easier to focus on the physical aspect of the interaction than the emotional one. Heero had made it abundantly clear that he was aching for the next move and as Duo waited he contemplated if he should allow Heero to make that next move, rather than stop him midway, as he always had.
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