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"Love Thy Neighbor"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, angst, fluff, citrus Pairings: 2x1 Summary: Duo's life gets turned upside down when
the house next to his is sold. The new neighbor exposes Duo to a lot
of new feelings but Duo's strict, religious upbringing makes him resist
them. He stubbornly denies that what he is feeling could be love. "Love Thy Neighbor" Chapter Eight
Rising from the mattress before even the sun bothered
to peer over the horizon he took a lengthy shower under a stream of
hot water that made his skin red. After half an hour of letting the
water beat down on his slumped shoulder he realized that he would
never feel clean. That uncomfortable sensation of mud caking on his
skin was a trick of his mind, it was not his body that was unclean,
but his spirit. Unfortunately that was what his teachings disproved
of most. Roll in the mud all you want, just don't dare to have unclean,
impure thoughts. In front of a fogged up mirror he blindly shaved, brushed
his teeth and braided his hair. The light coming in through the small
window of frosted glass was orange, dawn had come. In the light of
the sun he felt even more exposed. With a big towel wrapped around his waist he headed
downstairs to silence his growling stomach. An odd breakfast of yoghurt
and last night's leftovers satisfied his body. He consumed it over
the sink, an excuse to peer out the window. There was no sign of Heero,
even though the young man usually got up at the crack of dawn to make
the most of the day. Of course last night he didn't get much sleep,
being rudely awaked by a man nearly twice his age unable to control
his immature desires. The memory of the kiss ghosted over the man's lips. Was it all worth it? The way he felt… the guilt
he experienced… Was giving into his physical needs worth that
much sorrow the morning after? The American dropped his empty bowl in the sink and
headed back upstairs to quickly jump into some clothes. It dawned
on him Heero might promptly appear at his front door and he couldn't
very well answer whilst naked save for a towel riding sinfully low
on his hips. Naked in front of the mirror in his bedroom he paused
and gazed upon himself in dismay. He wondered what Heero saw in him.
Being young and energetic and having a physique to match that youthful
spirit, Heero commanded an obvious kind of beauty. He had soft, golden-toned
skin; tight, lean muscles; sharp, exotic features and fashionably
wild hair. He had the kind of looks that would make anybody take notice.
Duo didn't think there was anything special about his own body, certainly
not enough so to catch the attention of someone as extraordinary looking
as Heero. To save himself further self-inflicted embarrassment
he stepped away from the mirror and hurried into a pair of dark jeans
and a black sweater. Dressed in dark clothes he stood out in his almost
exclusively white bedroom, like a stain. He angled the mirror so he
wouldn't soon catch his own reflection again and then fled downstairs
to his beloved books. Halfway through his favorite work by Tolstoy he realized
the words had no impact on him whatsoever. His eyes moved from left
to right, diligently reading the thoughtful words, but his mind was
more focused on the small clock on the table next to his lounge chair.
Every tick, indicating another second gone by, was like a whip across
his back. He had expected his neighbor to come by, given last
night's events. Why hadn't he? Had he changed his mind? Was he embarrassed
of Duo? Did he regret kissing an old man? Or worse still: had it all
been nothing more than a game and, now that he had won, he didn't
feel like playing anymore? Tick. Tick. Tick. The hour was nearing the end of the afternoon. Duo could
vaguely hear the familiar sounds of construction work coming from
the house next door. Tick. Tick. Tick. He got up, grasped the taunting little clock and walked
it over to the far end of the living room, setting it down on the
corner of a plant table. He sat back down in his chair and took the
book into his lap. He grumbled. He could swear he could still hear it ticking,
although it was more likely in his head. Tick. Tick. Tick. He felt like a fool. An old fool. He stalked to the kitchen window and cautiously pushed
the sheer curtain aside to see into the yard next door. The backdoor
of the house was open, the curtain in the doorway, meant to keep insects
out, was being pulled out and pushed back in by the wind, in a slow,
lazy rhythm. He could hear the blunt sound of a hammer echo through
the neighborhood. Losing patience with himself as well as with Heero he
decided he wasn't going to wait for the young man to come to him.
If he wasn't interested anymore, now that he had managed to wrap the
older man around his little finger, Duo would rather find out sooner
than later. Heero was right there, his back turned towards him.
His entire body strained, his muscles tense, as he swung an enormous
jackhammer to the wall between the kitchen and the dining room. His
shoulders shook as the hammer powerfully connected with the wall,
breaking away the plaster and wood. His feet were planted at shoulder's
width to keep himself steady as he swung the hammer back up for the
next hit. His presence having gone unnoticed, Duo gave into the temptation
to stare. His eyes ran up Heero's body, trailing up long legs wrapped
tightly in faded denim to a shapely behind, narrow hips and tiny waist,
where his olive green tank top was tucked into his jeans. His golden
shoulders glistened from the exertion and the hair on the back of
his neck was darker and clung to his skin with sweat. He only vaguely registered the crackling sound of a
radio in the corner; a classic rock song with suggestive lyrics. Duo continued to stare, even as his face was red and
hot with embarrassment… and something else. Heero stopped his work with the release of a deep breath
and he leaned the hammer against what remained of the wall. "You
know, next time," He started, Duo froze. "You could offer to help a hand." Heero turned
around and grinned at him and he nodded at a second hammer by the
back door. "You knew I was here. Why didn't you call me out?" Heero chuckled breathlessly. He didn't answer, instead,
he reached his hands down and twisted his fingers into the front of
his top, he pulled the fabric out of his tight jeans and brought it
up to wipe the sweat off his neck, exposing his flat stomach and toned
chest. Duo gulped. "So… uh… Bringing down the
wall, huh?" "Yeah," Heero looked back at the wall in its
deconstructed state as he absentmindedly tucked his shirt back into
the front of his jeans. "It was just a single door leading into
the dining room. People like to entertain while they cook, so I'm
going to put in a wide archway." Duo liked how out of breath the young man sounded, it
made his voice low and deep and – if possible – even more
sexy than usual. His face flushed redder still and he looked away
when he realized his eyes had been focusing on Heero's hands going
into the back of his jeans to fix his top. "Good idea,"
he commented. "You want something to drink?" Heero already
started towards the small fridge. "No thanks." "I'll have something, if you don't mind."
He bent forward and retrieved a chilled bottle of water. He brought
it to his lips and Duo watched his throat work as he swallowed about
half of the contents. "Sorry, I don't mean to be rude." "No need to apologize. It's hot." The older
man's eyes widened. "Uh, I mean: it's hot out. Outside. With
the sun. You should hydrate." Heero laughed. It was throaty and deep and delicious,
Duo noted, much to his own embarrassment. "Why did you come over?" Heero wondered once
he had finished his water. Duo shrugged, trying to act aloof. "I guess…
I guess I came over because you didn't." The young neighbor quirked an eyebrow. "I worried what it meant, that you didn't- I expected
you would- I thought you might have lost interest, or something,"
He fumbled to explain. So much for being cool and aloof, with his
teeth he worried his lower lip. He tucked his hands deep into the
pockets of his jeans, so uncomfortable and self-conscious that he
didn't know what else to do with them. Understanding was apparent on Heero's feature. A tiny,
sweet smile tugged at one corner of his lips. "I didn't lose
interest" He assured the older man. "I didn't come over
because… because I thought you might not have wanted me to."
He tossed the empty bottle he had been fidgeting with in the trash
bin and took a step closer towards Duo. "I didn't want to force
my presence on you. You are the one who is breaking his own personal
rules, so I need you to set the boundaries and take the initiative
when you feel comfortable doing so. You need to take the lead and
let me know what you want from me, otherwise I am constantly second-guessing
myself, like this morning. Does he want me to come over? Does he want
me to kiss him?" Duo swallowed, but it was hard, his mouth was suddenly
dry. "I don't want to accidentally push things further
than you want them to go. I don't want to end up being accused of
being inconsiderate and insensitive because it might not always be
clear to me when I'm crossing a line." Duo took a moment to appreciate how kind and accepting
Heero was being of his admittedly unattractive, childish behavior.
It was quite overwhelming to have someone be witness to his weakness
and still respect him. He looked at him, both in awe and confused.
How could someone, especially someone as young as Heero, be so mature
and accepting? Duo felt so small, even as he towered over his Asian
neighbor. Small-minded. He wished he knew how to change that about
himself, but he feared the answers had been purposefully kept from
him, to make accepting the rigid black-and-white teachings of the
Lord easier. In the stretching silence between them, Heero inched
closer. He whispered: "Tell me what you want, Duo." He shivered. The reply died in his throat, too afraid
to say it out loud, but Heero must have read it in his eyes, for the
younger man stepped into his personal space and tentatively placed
both hands on Duo's chest, a question of permission in his eyes. All
Duo did – all he could do – was nod and watch, with hooded
eyes, Heero push himself up on his toes, his warm hands sliding over
Duo's chest to grab his shoulders to hold himself steady as he stretched
his body so his lips could touch Duo's. The kiss was surprisingly gentle and sweet, even though
Duo could feel the tension between them that he thought would escalate
to another desperate, sloppy kiss like the one from the night before.
His doubts started to melt away but a single, nagging thought remained. With a final, soft merging of their lips, Heero slid
back down, purposefully keeping their bodies flush together. The rustle
of the cotton and denim of their clothing rubbing together sounded
like a waterfall to Duo; thundering, almost too loud. His heartbeat
was equally present, he could hear the blood rushing in his ears in
a fast, powerful rhythm. He opened his eyes – when had he become
so lost that he had to closed them? – and looked down at him.
The younger man had his forehead pressed against Duo's sternum, hiding
his face. His hands smoothed down the length of Duo's arm, briefly
taking a hold of his hands – the palms of which embarrassingly
sweaty – before settling them on Duo's hips, his thumbs idly
circling. Heero took a deep breath and titled his head up to look
back at Duo. The religious man felt a constriction in his chest upon
looking into his ocean-deep and equally richly colored eyes that sparkled
in accompaniment to his brilliant, shy smile. Yes, he thought to himself, staring at the perfect features.
It is worth it. "Was that okay?" An abrupt laugh burst out of Duo. "Okay" didn't
come close to covering the myriad of emotions blossomed indulgently
in his chest. The cheeky grin returned to Heero face, but his features
were dominated by a red blush on his cheekbones. "Would you like some help?" Duo turned around
and picked up the other hammer, standing by the door and he held it
up to punctuate his question. "Uh…" The change of topic briefly baffled
the younger man, but he answered: "Yeah, sure. If you don't mind."
He picked up his hammer and instructed: "I was going to take
out this whole wall, because it's all rotted anyway and build a new
one with the big archway in it. So if you want to tackle that side,
I'll take this side." Duo nodded and they both got in position. With his first
swing Duo blew out a big part of the wall and he was immediately hit
with the therapeutic potential of deconstruction. The second impact
was even more powerful and even though he was breaking something down,
he felt good about being part of a project. He had been feeling so
useless lately, the last few years actually, it was good to move his
body and to focus on a physical act as opposed to locking himself
in his study without any result. It was good to not have to think
and to not have to worry; the task was simple and clear yet no less
satisfying. The simple, small contribution he could offer surprisingly
made him feel good about himself. It was so novel that he almost failed
to recognize it, but there was a calm that settled over him and as
his muscles worked all the energy seemed to be rerouted from his brain
to his heart to keep the oxygenized blood pumping and everything in
his head fell quiet. The chastising voices of disappointed parents
and disproving priests faded away, everything was drowned out by the
thunderous twin blows of his own hammer and Heero's. Not caring about the sweat that was beading on his brow
and causing his sweater to stick to his body he kept hitting the will
with ferocity, occasionally distracted by the awareness that Heero
sometimes paused to look at him. The chore was completely fairly quickly and Duo stopped
and looked around. The space they had created was enormous and the
kitchen, that enjoyed little light coming in through the single window
and door hooded by the back porch, was flooded with light pouring
in through the tall windows of the formal dining room. He remembered
Heero telling him, a while back, that he could see the beauty in things
other people would write off as ugly and for the most brief, yet significant
moment, Duo caught a glimpse of it too; beauty in what has been condemned. Heero let out an appreciative whistle. "It's even
better than I imagined…" He marveled. He stepped through
the rubble into the dining room. With his sleeve he wiped the sweat off his forehead.
"Maybe you should keep it like this, completely open." Heero nodded absentmindedly. "Maybe I will." "If you want," The older neighbor started
hesitantly, "I could give you a hand more often." The young Asian man looked back at him. "You don't
have to." "I want to," Duo clarified. Heero smiled. "Well, if it's what you want…
Thanks." "Sure." They stared into each other's eyes lengthily until Duo
became uncomfortable under the gaze of Heero's piercing blue eyes
and he couldn't help but look away, pretending to admire the room
when in fact he was still taken by the after-image of the beautiful
Japanese male on his retina. He jumped when he realized the shorter
man had approached him and was close by his side. He stared quizzically
at the broom held out to him. "You can give me a hand cleaning up the mess we
made," Heero said with a smirk. They worked quietly to gather the debris and shuttled
back and forth to the steel container in the front yard with buckets
full of rubble. Duo was aware of the fact that the neighbors might
see him but ignored the wave of worry that threatened to drown him
and worked through it. There shouldn't be anything suspicious about
one neighbor helping out another. He could easily explain away any
foul rumors with something he had already mentioned at the meeting
of the Neighborhood Association; that the sooner Heero was done renovating
the house, the sooner he would be gone. With that explanation they
could only be supportive of him lending a helping hand, they wanted
Heero out of their suburbia fast. Duo wasn't yet sure whether or not he shared their urgency.
On one hand he knew that it would be better for him if Heero left
as soon as possible, that way Duo's carefully constructed life would
be minimally disturbed and he could continue along the path that had
been laid out for him. On the other hand Duo acknowledged that Heero
was the only thing in his life that actually made him feel alive –
both the bad and the good feelings that he invoked in him provided
his life with an excitement that it had forever lacked – and,
oddly, knowing he would have to part with that sensation at some point
did cause him to experience a dull pain in his chest; a throbbing
apprehension. Heero was crouched on the floor, gathered up the last
of the dust and small bits of plaster with a dustbin. He snapped his
head up in surprise and slowly straightened up. "Are you serious?" Duo's face felt hot. Maybe he shouldn't have asked,
but then again, it would be rude not to. It didn't sit right with
him to indulge himself in kissing Heero and, perhaps in the future,
touching him, without also building on their non-physical relationship,
even if it were only as a friendship, or whatever – he was reluctant
to label it. If he were to be intimate with someone in the physical
sense, he felt he had to be intimate with them in the emotional sense
as well. In fact, he didn't believe one could truly exist without
the other and they had to be able to trust each other. "Yes."
Then, remembering what Heero had said earlier, about him having to
be clear, he emphasized: "I want you to come over for dinner." Heero's smile was instantaneous and breathtaking. "Okay"
He agreed with a shy shrug of his shoulders. "Don't expect too much, I'm just going to pop a
frozen lasagna in the oven." "Lasagna will be perfect," The younger man
practically purred. Duo's body tensed up at the shiver than ran down his
spine. "G-Good." He nervously checked his watch. "I
guess I'll go preheat the oven then." "What time is it?" "Almost six." He checked his watch again,
his anxiety urging him to be more precise. "It's a quarter to." "Would you mind if I showered at your place?"
His intonation implied he was worried his question would make Duo
uncomfortable. It did, but he swallowed and, to stall for time, he
asked: "Why?" "I don't have a functioning shower yet in this
house. Both bathrooms are a mess. I joined a gym downtown solely so
I could use their facilities but if I have to drive there I don't
think I'll make it back in time for your lasagna." "Okay," The tall one blurted. "Okay? As in, I should just jump in my truck, or…?" He vehemently shook his head. "You can use my shower."
He didn't want to say no and be petty like that. Besides, what was
the big deal? Other than the fact that Heero would be naked in his
house… The images that simple thought prompted made the American
feel hot and the collar of his sweater suddenly felt constricting
around his neck. "Thanks, that is very generous of you." "It's no bother." He pointed his thumb at
the door. "I'm going to go ahead then and preheat the oven and
you just gather your stuff and I'll see you at my place." "Okay." He headed for the front door and then, with a scrunched
up face he turned around and guiltily asked: "Would you mind
coming around back?" That way the neighborhood wouldn't know
that he and Heero were spending the evening socializing. He could
explain away helping the temporary resident with the renovation, but
he feared the kind of gossip that could be sparked if the wrong people
discovered he was spending time with Heero. More precisely, what he
feared was that ill-intended gossip could actually get closer to the
truth than he would be comfortable with. "Through the hedge?" Heero seemed put off
by the suggestion. "Please?" "Fine," Heero consented curtly. "Thank you." Duo left through the front door,
because some of the neighbors probably saw him hauling dirt to the
front yard and he wanted to make sure that if someone was still keeping
a watchful eye on him, they would see him leave. As he crossed the
front lawn to his own front door the corner of his eye caught movement
of a curtain across the street. He ignored it as best as he could
and stepped inside. He turned on the oven as he said he would and,
after looking around himself, hurriedly tidied up. He was rearranging
the books in the living room into more orderly stacks when someone
rapped on the backdoor. Awkwardly he dumped the books in the seat
of his favorite lounge chair and with hurried steps he approached
the door. "Hey, come in." Heero gratefully bowed his head as he stepped into the
kitchen. He had clothes and a folded up towel cradled in his arms. "Upstairs, first door to the left," Duo instructed
as casually as he could, "that's my bedroom. The bathroom is
through there." There was a second bathroom upstairs, but he
never used it, there was nothing there, not even a shower curtain. "Thanks." He watched Heero's backside as the young man headed
for the stairs. Only when he disappeared out of sight did Duo feel
like he could breathe again. He focused his attention on the oven,
which was all he could do to keep his mind from straying to the fact
that Heero had been in his bedroom, had walked right by his bed and
was now naked under his shower. He jumped when the oven beeped and
popped in the lasagna – large enough for two – he had retrieved
from the freezer. He stared intently at the red numbers of the timer. He didn't know how, not even precisely why, but without
his conscious consent – let alone careful consideration –
his feet had taken him upstairs. He was a little shocked at himself
when he found himself standing just outside his bedroom door. The
door was ajar, he could see one half of his room, the foot of his
bed and the window overlooking the backyard, but not the door to the
bathroom. However, he knew from the sound of water clattering on the
tiles – after running over Heero's naked body – that the
door to the bathroom was open as well. He stood and he listened. He
was disgusted at himself. He was ashamed with himself. But those two
strong, negative emotions protected himself from making a grave mistake:
giving in to the desire to push the door open fully, step inside his
bedroom and peek into the bathroom. In the dark hallway he couldn't help but wonder if it
meant anything, that his guest had kept both doors unlocked, open
even! It had to have been a force of habit, Duo concluded, certainly
Heero would agree that it was too soon to take the physicality of
their relationship to that point, if they ever even would. His body went stiff when, with a squeak, the faucet
was turned off and the clash of water on tile turned silent. Fully, horribly embarrassed he stepped back soundlessly
and tiptoed down the steps. He was acting like such a child! In many
ways he was no different from a teen struggling with burgeoning sexual
desire, but the curiosity, no the fascination with it was hideously
unattractive on a man of his age. He was reminded of the giddy antics
of virginal brides in period pieces, giggling at every notion of nudity
and intimacy. How mortified he was to discover he had become one of
those insufferable characters as opposed to the strong protagonist
he always liked to pretend he was in his fleeting dreams. The lasagna still had a few more minutes to go, but
Duo could hear his guest coming down the stairs. Self-conscious to
be caught doing nothing but waiting for him, he quickly tasked himself
with selecting a bottle of wine from his small collection hidden in
a cupboard. "It's no problem," Duo brushed off casually
and straightened up with one of the bottles in his hand. "Wine?" He nodded. "Thank you. I'll just take my stuff
back over to my house-" "No, there's no need. You can hang your clothes
over the porch rail and drape your towel over the bench, you can let
it dry there?" Why was he so eager to keep Heero around? Wouldn't
it be a slight relief to have a few minutes by himself to gather his
wits? Heero stepped out onto the porch and did as instructed;
placing the bundle of worn clothes over the bannister and then hanging
his damp towel over the back of the wooden bench. He lingered on the
porch, his hands casually tucked into the back pockets of a fresh
pair of tight jeans and he observed the garden. The sky was already
starting to tinge orange but the heat of a day's worth of sun clung
to the earth, keeping the air comfortably warm. "The landscaping is beautiful," The temporary
neighbor remarked through the open back door. Duo had just finished pouring two glasses of wine and
walked over to him. "Thank you. Here you go." Heero accepted the glass and took a small sip. "You
don't happen to remember the company you hired to do your yard? I'm
still looking for someone in the area to take care of my plot." "I'll check my books, maybe I still have the guys
contact information somewhere. No promises though, it was done a couple
years back." "Only if it's not too much trouble." Duo looked at him reassuringly. "It's not too much
trouble." Heero smiled. "Thanks. It really is beautiful." "It is," Duo replied absentmindedly, gazing
upon Heero's finely sculpted features. The oven beeped and the two of them headed back inside.
Heero apologized for his informal clothes – a pair of jeans that
appeared to be painted on him and a T-shirt with his college name
a logo in faded print on the front. Duo assured him it was fine, he
felt self-conscious about not having taken the time to shower himself.
Heero smelled so fresh. He smelled like his own shower cream and shampoo,
Duo realized, though he never noticed on himself how good the two
products smelled. "So, Cornell, huh?" The older man nodded casually
at the front of Heero's grey shirt while he slipped his hands into
decidedly unmanly mittens with polka-dots. "You weren't exaggerating
when you said your dad had other plans for you than renovating houses." "Oh, I'm sure- I didn't mean-" He smiled. "I know, don't worry about it." "If your parents hadn't had their accident, do
you think you would have been happy becoming a business man?"
The tall man wondered as he kneeled in front of the over. "I guess it seems kind of unlikely now," Heero
mused, "But I'm not much of a 'what-if'-guy." Duo nodded and divided the generous serving of lasagna
between two plates and set them on the table, next to each other.
He thought it would be less awkward and less date-like if they sat
side-by-side as opposed to across from each other. They wouldn't constantly
be looking up at each other and their knees wouldn't be brushing under
the table. But Duo quickly realized the different seating arrangement
was no fix. He was hyper aware of Heero sitting next to him and jolts
went through him every time their elbows accidentally touched as they
hungrily dug into their meals, washing it down with a second glass
of wine. When they were done, with barely a word spoken between
them, they cleared the table and Duo announced that he was going to
take a shower. He had expected Heero would leave, but instead the
younger man asked if he could hang out in the living room – wait
for him – and nose through his books. He surprised himself by
saying "sure" before going upstairs. Under the warm spray of water Duo couldn't push Heero
from his thoughts. The fact that he had just been in that very bathroom
half an hour earlier didn't help. He opened the bottle of shampoo
and as he poured a generous amount into his open palm he groaned.
The very scent reminded him of Heero now. It has been his shampoo
of choice for years, partly because of its understated scent, but
all of a sudden the smell of it was overpowering as were the images
of a soaped up golden-skinned figure that inadvertently came to mind. "Oh no," He looked down at himself in dismay,
noticing how hard he had gotten from the mere thoughts the vanilla
scent provoked. He contemplated what would be worse, masturbating
while Heero was right downstairs or waiting for it to subside but
to be stuck with elevated sexual tension for the remainder of the
evening. Opting for the former he decisively took hold of his arousal
and – more dutifully than anything – got himself off swiftly.
He bit his lower lip to stay silent, even though his guest couldn't
possible hear him from the living room. Unhurried he got dressed in casual jeans and a black
turtleneck, he felt like hiding, too embarrassed to face Heero. He
wished he could get away with a scarf wrapped around his neck, dark
sunglasses and a baseball-cap. He wanted to be anonymous, only because
truly invisible was humanly impossible and hidden and unrecognizable
was the next best thing. "Hey," He said softly, almost apologetically,
when he stepped into the living room, self-conscious about the fact
that it had taken him so long so shower, only then realizing what
that implied. His guest was standing in front of the wall of bookcases.
He looked over his shoulder, "Hey," then turned his attention
back to the book he was holding. "Find something you like?" Duo went to stand
next to him and gazed at the collection of titles he knew by heart. "I don't know, I haven't read most of them and
like they always say: you can't judge a book by its cover." Duo smiled. "You pick one," The shorter man said, placing
the book he had been holding neatly back where he found it. "And then what?" Heero shrugged. "Maybe you can read something to
me?" "Read something to you?" Duo dumbly repeated.
He couldn't explain it, but the request felt so intimate. He looked at him sweetly and Duo realized that he needn't
argue, he was going to do it. "What would you like me to read to you?" He shrugged and stepped back to take a seat of the couch.
"Anything. As long as it isn't horribly depressing." Duo pensively looked back at the books, his eyes were
drawn to the golden script on a leather bound book. "Romeo and
Juliet?" The sharp laugh behind him startled him. "That is your idea of a not-depressing story?"
Heero inquired with a chuckle. "Well…" Duo turned to look at him, momentarily
distracted by the sight of him. He had toed off his shoes and had
comfortably seated himself on the soft cushions of the couch, his
socked feet tucked under him, his elbow on the backrest of the couch,
his head leaning against his hand. "It's a story about love,"
He pointed out dryly. "It's a tragic story about love." True, Duo thought, but: "Aren't all stories about
love tragic?" Heero narrowed his eyes at him, his brows furrowing.
"Wow, that was incredibly depressing. Do you really believe that?" Duo sighed and approached the couch, taking a seat next
to him. He paused before answering, to give the matter careful thought.
"I don't know. I have little experience with love, so I can hardly
make any definitive inferences, but when I think about 'love', words
like 'heartache' and 'despair' come to mind." The young neighbor was quiet for a long time, his uncannily
piercing and mature eyes gazing at him pensively. Eventually his expression
softened and he wondered: "When was the first time you were in
love?" At the question an image of Anthony came to mind unbidden,
for a brief second he searched his memory for how old he was exactly
when he met Anthony, but then he reminded himself that he never loved
Anthony. All he ever felt for Anthony was misguided lust, that's what
he had been told all his life – by others and by himself. He
fast forwarded through his young years and found what he accepted
to be his first love and what he felt comfortable admitting to. "I
was eighteen. We had moved across town into a different school district.
I did my senior year at a new school and fell in love with the girl
that I would later marry; Hilde." He tried to picture her face
from when they were younger, but again a memory of Anthony was prompted.
He shook his head and decisively repeated: "I was eighteen when
I first fell in love." Heero nodded, but his thoughtful gaze implied that he
had his questions about the truthfulness of Duo's answer. "When
was the first time you had sex?" Within a second all the blood rushed to his face, or
so it felt. "Uhm…" When he got over his initial shock,
he replied: "I was twenty-two years old. It was my wedding night."
He said it with a defensive tone, he didn't really understand why
Heero wanted to know. "What about you?" He shot back. "Sex?" His face felt hotter still. "Sure," He tried
to sound casual. "I was fourteen." Duo couldn't stop his eyebrows from raising in surprise. "I know it's young," He admitted with a slight
blush. "Yeah… wow… Then how young were you when
you first fell in love?" "Twenty-three." His eyebrows disappeared under his bangs again. He expected
the age to be younger than the age when he first had sex. He was even
more surprised when a moment later he realized that while the age
of twenty-three was many years in his own past, for Heero it was only
two years ago. "Oh… I assumed- I thought you would have
fallen in love before you had sex." Heero's lips formed a sad smile. "I suppose it
should have been that way." When the younger man didn't elaborate, Duo questioned
curiously: "So you weren't in love with the person you lost your
virginity to?" He was shocked at his own questions, normally
he wouldn't encourage such an intimate topic of conversation. "No." "Then why have sex?" The American blurted. Heero chuckled. "Because my body wanted it. I didn't
expect to find love anytime soon. As a young gay boy, I knew I'd probably
be waiting for a long time to meet someone I could love and who could
love me back. I was fine with that, but I didn't want to have to wait
that long to have sex, so when the opportunity presented itself at
fourteen, I took it. I guess I was afraid of missing my window and
being stuck with raging hormones for years to come. I don't regret
it, it was nice. It was… beautifully awkward." Duo swallowed. "But you found someone at twenty-three?" "In a way," He replied ambiguously, causing
Duo to frown. He elaborated: "I was deeply in love with him,
but we weren't supposed to be anything more than friends. He was straight.
Or he still is. I don't know." "You don't know if he is straight or not?" He grinned, but there was no humor in his eyes. "I
can hardly be blamed, he himself didn't know whether he was straight
or not. I haven't seen him in a long time, I don't know if he ever
figured it out." "What happened? Did you ever become more than friends?" The younger man took a deep breath and cast his gaze
off to the side, it appeared like he didn't want to share the story
and Duo was about to assure him that he didn't need to – he didn't
want to pry – but before he could, Heero answered. "I told
him I loved him, one night. We were at my place, on the couch, watching
a dumb movie. He made a joke that made me laugh and it just…
slipped right past my lips. He pretended that he hadn't heard me,
but I was done pretending that he was just a friend to me, so I repeated
what I had said and I put my hand on his leg. He got really mad and
he stormed out, without saying anything." He paused meaningfully.
"Hours later, in the middle of the night, he was at my door.
He was pissing drunk. He said "Let's do this" and then he
was all over me; kissing me, touching me, pushing me towards the bedroom." Duo felt like he couldn't breathe as he stared at Heero's
lips while the young neighbor talked with low voice. "The sex was… angry and painful… but
it was wonderful to me nevertheless. I thought things would change
between us. But I got it right as a young boy, it was going to take
me a long time – longer still – to find somebody who could
love me back… He left the morning after. Even though we had sex,
we never became more than friends. In fact, we became less than friends,
he made himself a stranger. I never saw him again." For a moment the American was speechless. He could tell
the memory made his guest upset and he wanted to reach out and touch
his shoulder in a comforting gesture, but he didn't, instead he just
said: "I'm sorry." "It's okay, it was for the better. It was good,
the way he left. That way I could have closure. If we had stayed friends
I would have only continued to pine for him," Heero nodded, as
if he was still trying to convince himself that it was good, the way
things ended. "So he just left?" "No," He answered with slight hesitation.
"Are you sure you even want me to tell you all of this? Aren't
I boring you?" Duo shook his head. "If you want the tell the story,
I would like to hear it." "Alright. Well, when I woke up the next morning,
he was getting dressed. He was in an awful hurry to get out of there.
I got dressed and offered him coffee. I tried to act normal because
that seemed to slow him down. As he was tying his shoes he asked if
we could pretend that night had never happened and that we could just
be friends again. I couldn't do that. I was desperate to get him to
change his mind, I wanted so badly for things to be the way I had
always imagined them. I kept telling him that I loved him and that
I felt he could really love me back… I don't remember exactly
how I put it, but he got very angry. Very angry. He screamed at me
and he hit me, right in the nose. When I tasted my own blood I realized
I was kidding myself hoping things could be the way I had always dreamed
of. He would never be able to give me that. So I had no choice but
to get over him, I just didn't know how to do that. I didn't know
how to quit loving him," He let out a breathless, embarrassed
chuckle. "The only thing I could think of was that he had to
hurt me bad, he had to close that door forever so I could move on."
His jaw clenched. "I provoked him," Heero admitted quietly.
"I said: "You can pretend all you want that last night didn't
happen, but we both know you loved it". Of course he hated that,
the implication that he was gay, and I knew he would. He hit me again,
so hard that I fell to the floor. That's when he started kicking me
and I let him, I did nothing to stop him, I didn't even try to shield
myself. I needed him to hurt me so I could resent him for it. I thought
that would make the pain of having him deny me pale in comparison." "Did it?" Duo scraped his throat after hearing
how hoarse it sounded. The story made him feel a little sick. Heero offered him a sad smile but said nothing in response. "I'm sorry." They sat in quiet for a long time, each lost in his
own thoughts. Again Duo found himself taken aback by Heero's openness;
it was so touching. He had known WuFei for most of his life but he
couldn't recall the Chinese man ever telling him something truly personal,
exposing himself like that. Duo felt sorry for Heero, but at the same
time the young man had a strength that he admired. Maybe it was Heero's
youthfulness that allowed him to divulge secrets so easily, or maybe
he just felt like he could trust Duo because –thanks to reading
his book – he knew most of Duo's secrets as well. Whatever the
young man's reasons, Duo liked it, it made him feel special, it made
him feel like he was listening to the inner dialogue of a fictional
character and he couldn't help but be drawn in. "How did your relationship with your wife end?"
Heero wondered tentatively. "It wasn't in the book." Duo shrugged. "I attempted to end the book on a
positive note by not including the divorce. Of course I didn't know
yet that the whole thing came off as a depressing sarcastic remark
on religion and social acceptance," He grimaced. "Anyway
it uh… It just ended, one night. We had grown apart, there was
nothing between us anymore. Our relationship had been reduced to mandatory
polite conversation at the breakfast table and carpooling to church
on Sundays. And every Sunday night we would… make love,"
he bit the inside of his cheek, that term didn't even feel remotely
right. "Because every Sunday at brunch we had to listen to her
parents nagging us for 'grandbabies', so we always figured we might
as well give it a shot. We had lived our whole lives doing what we
were supposed to do, why stop? One night, after doing… that,
we laid in bed staring up at the ceiling and she told me there was
a packed suitcase in the back of the closet, casual as you please.
And all I did was ask her if it was packed with my clothes or hers.
Hers, it turned out. She left that night." Duo bit back a startled
gasp when he felt Heero's hand on his shoulder; the comforting gesture
he had denied the younger man. "Sex or love?" Why did hearing those two words fall from Heero's lips
in that vibrating tone of voice of his cause his spine to shiver with
cold yet his face to flush with heat? "Both?" He offered
pathetically, losing track of where his train of thought had been
going. The hand was still on his shoulder, gently – almost imperceptibly
– kneading the tense muscles. "I'm not sure. I didn't feel any different after
having had sex for the first time, but I did feel like a wildly different
person after my first love." "Was there another love, after him?" A shy smile appeared on his kind, disturbingly attractive
face. "Maybe. It was sort of a love-at-first thing." "How did that work out?" The smile spread, his eyes sparkled with something mischievous
and something genuinely heartfelt. "I don't know yet." Duo looked away, their eye contact had suddenly become
too intimate for him to bear. He ignored the implications of Heero's
answer and stared intently at the wall of books. His eyes found the
Romeo and Juliet copy again. He was still convinced all love stories
were innately tragic, because to him romantic love was temporary in
nature, part of its beauty was its fleetingness, like spring. It was
the bitter cold of the winter that made the warmth and flowery scent
of spring all the better. For whatever reason, love never lasted,
not as far as he knew at least. Lovers get ripped apart for so many
reasons; feuding families, relocation, unrequited love, death. If
they manage to stay together, the feeling of love somehow never fails
to wither away, to leave nothing but a residue of obligation and –
if one is lucky – friendship. Love, as far as Duo was concerned, was much like a bouquet
of roses; it was a beautiful gift that, with tender care, could be
enjoyed for a longer while, but its death was inevitable. Never had
Duo seen love last. Not in his own marriage, not in his parent's marriage,
not in his neighbor's marriage. WuFei was happy with his wife, Sally,
their love was still strong but he had grown up to believe that even
they would not last. And sex he considered to be much the same. The need
to be close passes, if anything even more quickly than the love. The only thing Duo could trust to be constant was his
religion. In all his life it hadn't changed – something the church
is actually faulted for in these modern times – and even though
it seemed like it made his life more difficult, he had always felt
it made his life easier. The rules were not easy for someone with
his sexual deviancy to abide by, but at least he knew how to live
his life. Religion was his anchor that kept him from drifting out
into open water. Freedom meant uncertainty, questions and self-doubt.
True freedom meant being lost and spending your entire life trying
to find your way, without any guidance. That scared him more than
anything. He could not let go of that anchor for the sake of such fleeting things as sexual attraction or even love. That is why even though he felt he had no choice but to give into his shameful weakness for as long as the incredulously attractive Heero was his neighbor, he knew he could not let himself be taking away by the tide of his attraction or the surging waves of unbridled sexual desire. Once Heero was gone, Duo would still be in the place where his anchor kept
him, gently bobbing on the surface as the currents calmed, never going
anywhere. Boring as that may sound, at least it wasn't dangerous. "Where did you go?" Duo blinked at the soft sound of Heero's voice. "Huh?" He smiled. "You had your eyes closed and you seemed
a million miles away?" "Really?" He hadn't even noticed that he had
closed his eyes. He did notice that Heero's hand was still on his
shoulder, the warmth of his palm soaking through the fabric of his
turtle-neck sweater and melting something within him into something
delicious and soothing. He braved looking into those deep blue eyes,
much like the ocean he feared getting lost into, but he was drawn
into their depth. He felt himself leaning in, but he stopped. He wished
Heero would take the initiative, so he could just let it happen to
him and later have the consolation of the thought that he didn't start
it, but the beautiful young man only looked at him expectantly, waiting
for him to make a move. "Heero," He started hesitantly, "I know
you said I should take the initiative… but I don't think I can.
I don't know what to do, or how to do it." This was no lie, it
was a very embarrassing fact. "I- I think I need you to take
the lead. I promise I won't blame you if you accidentally take things
further than I might be ready for. I'll let you know if things move
too fast, too far." He was rambling on nervously. He fell silent,
tensely holding back a sigh of relief, when Heero moved his hand from
one shoulder to another, encircling Duo's neck with his arm and placed
his other hand on his thigh before scooting closer to him. The American
closed his eyes when the hand slid higher up his leg, closer to his
groin. "Okay," Heero agreed, his breath hot in Duo's
ear. "But you have to at least tell me what you want." Duo opened his eyes and looked at Heero, marveling at
his finely chiseled features. "You," He replied decisively. The young man's eyes widened slightly at the brazen
confession that surprised them both. He recovered quickly and closed
the distance between their lips harshly, their mouths crashing together.
They kissed feverishly and hurriedly, quickly opening their mouths
to let their tongues battle. Duo ignored his self-consciousness at
his lack of experience and allowed pure instinct to move his lips
and his tongue and if the small sounds Heero emitted were any reliable
indication, he could at least pat himself on the back for having good
instinct. Duo was momentarily distracted when he felt Heero slide one of his legs over his, settling his knee on the empty space between Duo's thighs. Realizing that he wanted even more contact and thoughtlessly giving in to his desires, he sought for more. His hands found slim hips and he gripped them tightly and pulled Heero towards him until the smaller man was straddling his lap. He moaned into the kiss. Heero dug his long fingers into his chestnut hair, tilting
Duo's head as he pleased as he took control of the kiss and ravished
his neighbor's mouth, clearly thrilled by the fact that the older
man was not shying away from his touches. Losing himself to the intimacy of their kiss the American
lacked the coherency of mind to second-guess anything and his hands
were free to roam; first going up Heero's sides, the hem of his shirt
hooking behind his thumbs, then trailing back down to cup his ass
and grind his hips against him. With slight embarrassment Duo realized
that he was rock hard, but it came as no surprise considering how
long he had gone without serious physical contact. It was a relief
– draining the excess blood from his face and rerouting it to
his groin – that Heero was similarly aroused, the hard bulge
pressed low against Duo's abdomen. The hurriedness of their sparring ebbed away. With a
sigh Heero brought his arms around Duo's neck as he leisurely continued
to kiss him, gently suckling on his lower lip and ghosting his lips
across his in a feather light touch. With much of the urgency gone,
Duo felt more comfortable with his hands placed on Heero's waist as
opposed to his behind, but even there his hands felt awkward and he
found himself unable to continue to respond to his kisses. Realizing
the moment was gone and Duo was pulling away from him rather than
engaging him, Heero released the author's lips and buried his face
in the crook of the man's neck. "I'm sorry," He murmered into Duo's turtleneck.
"That was too fast, wasn't it?" "Hm," Duo couldn't really form any words.
Heero's arousal was still evident, pressed against his stomach, a
heat radiating from it. Equally distracting was the undeniable fact
that Heero, in turn, must have felt his erection pressing against
his bottom. Still in a daze, the acclaimed author couldn't resist
teasing the shell of Heero's ear with his lips, but he abruptly snapped
his head in the opposite direction to stop himself from once more
giving into his dangerous desires. The young man groaned, but, with slight delay, sat back.
He looked at him with dark, hooded eyes. Duo let his gaze drift down, enthralled by the long
neck, noting the way the too-big shirt hung off his frame, the collar
open to reveal the tempting dip of his collarbone, reveling in the
sight of the jeans pulled taut in the front, but when his eyes focused
on his hands which had fallen to the top of Heero's strong thighs,
he looked at them as if they were somebody else's hands. He didn't
understand how Heero could have this effect on him, how the young
man – however beautiful he was – could make him abandon
all he had ever known and believed to be righteous, make him think
those teachings were wrong, unjust and cruel, in fact. He removed his hands from Heero's thighs and rubbed
them against his own as they were hot and slick with a sudden nervous-sweat. "Yes," He answered, certain of the truthfulness
of it. What he wasn't sure of was if he hadn't wanted him to, or if
he regretted it now that the moment was over. He was afraid of the
truths hiding behind those questions. "I'm sorry," The other repeated. He brought
his hands up and rubbed his face, then ran his fingers through his
untamable hair. "You just have this effect on me," He confessed,
staring up at the ceiling. Duo chuckled darkly. "I think I know what effect
you speak of." He was startled when Heero suddenly looked at
him, his big eyes soulful but with a distinctive glimmer of concern. "I must confess," Heero started softly, "that
although you think me wise beyond my years, I don't have much experience
with relationships. Only with sex." Duo's mouth went dry. "I don't know how to take it slow. I don't really
know when something is too soon, or inappropriate." "Me neither." Duo's casual shrug made Heero
smile. However, as he continued to speak, he watched that beautiful
smile disappear quickly. "But Heero, you know I'm not looking
for a relationship. We're just enjoying each other's company, right?" "Right," He replied curtly, his gaze more
stern, his eyes unreadable. "I guess what I'm saying is that the 'rules' of
what is or isn't 'too fast' don't apply. I suppose we should just
figure out what we're comfortable with as we go." Heero nodded, then looked away pensively. Eventually
he wondered: "May I ask how far you think this will go? How far
you want it to go?" The older man frowned. "What do you mean?" "Well, just now, I wanted you to fuck me," With impressive control Duo kept his jaw from dropping
to the floor and his eyeballs from bulging out. He suspected Heero
was crass for shock value and he worried that he had somehow insulted
or upset him to provoke that piercing glare he was receiving. "Is that something I could expect to happen in
the future?" "I- I don't know." "Do you know what I can expect? I like making out,
but if it is only ever going to end with us waiting until our dicks
go soft again, I'm not sure if that is something I'm interested in." Duo stared at him, a little offended and caught off
guard by matter-of-fact and insensitive behavior. He thought Heero
was understanding of how difficult this was for him, but suddenly
he felt like Heero was backing him up against the wall and getting
him to agree to an all-or-nothing scenario. "I'm sorry…
why are you being like this? Have I said something wrong?" "No." Heero looked away, his eyebrows furrowing,
an increasingly confused expression on his face. "I just think
that if this is all about "enjoying each other's company"
I want to get something enjoyable out of it for me." He sounded
shy and uncertain, like he knew he was asking for something he shouldn't
have expected from Duo. "Alright…" Duo cautiously agreed. "What
did you have in mind?" Heero shook his head with embarrassment, then, with
an apologetic look: "Just promise me that if we are going to
keep doing this, at one point one of these nights will end with a
climax, as opposed to a cold shower?" "Okay." Duo was surprised at how easily he
consented, but actually, the whole situation was made easier for him
with the promise that he owed Heero something in return. That way,
when his conscience came knocking he could always argue to himself
that he was only giving into his desires, letting things go further
than they had that evening, because he made a promise to him. In an
unexpected way it eased away some of his responsibility and accountability
and he welcomed that. "Okay?" Heero verified with wide eyes. "Yeah." Duo stopped himself short of confessing
that he wasn't agreeing to something that he didn't want. With the
way his body reacted it was shamefully clear to him that he had wanted
to have sex with Heero too. But he couldn't say that, he couldn't
ever say that out loud. Even just thinking it gave him an uneasy feeling. "Oh," Heero's expression was uncomfortable.
He sagged further in his seat and chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Would you like some more wine?" Duo offered,
reverting into the role of the proper host. He shook his head, deep in thought. After momentarily wading in the shallows of the vast
ocean of his own thoughts and concerns, the taller man wondered: "What
do you really want from me?" He thought of the story Heero had
told him, of the man whom he loved dearly, who could never return
that love and how much that hurt him. Duo didn't want to be 'that
guy', he didn't want to hurt Heero, but the young man – whether
or not Heero had feelings for him – could not expect Duo to give
him what the nameless man from his past hadn't, because Duo couldn't
offer him that. He nodded in agreement. His eyes widened slightly in
surprise when he felt Heero's hand on the back of his neck and the
younger man slid closer to him. With a husky whisper he inquired: "Perhaps you
can give me one more kiss, tonight?" Duo swallowed the lump in his throat. Breathlessly he
answered: "Y-Yes. I think I can do that." Their mouths met half-way in a soft merging of the lips.
The kiss was relatively innocent compared to the battle their mouths
had previously been engaged in but Duo felt lightening shoot through
him regardless. The mighty Lord smiting him for his disobedience? "Anything. Whichever book you are reading right
now." Duo mindlessly nodded and extracted himself from Heero's
warm embrace to get up from the couch and retrieve the book he had
occupied himself with that afternoon, it was still open at the page
where he had stopped reading. When he sat back down next to Heero
with the thick book in his lap his breath hitched when Heero inched
closer to him and rested his head on his shoulder. " "War and Peace"," Heero stated,
having caught a glimpse of the cover as Duo walked back over to him.
"Sounds like fun, lighthearted stuff," He remarked sarcasticall,
but he made no objections to the choice of literature. Seeking shelter in the black-on-white words, Duo started
to read, so he couldn't make a fool of himself when left to his own
devices. But as the thoughtful words flowed from his lips, he couldn't
help but worry that something far more intimate than kissing and touching
was going on. Yet he couldn't very well stop at that point. "I
saw my enemy and yet loved him. I knew that feeling of love which
is the essence of the soul, for which no object is needed. And I know
that blissful feeling now too. To love one's neighbours; to love one's
enemies. To love everything - to Love God in all His manifestations.
Some one dear to one can be loved with human love; but an enemy can
only be loved with divine love. And that was why I felt such joy when
I felt that I loved that man. What happened to him? Is he alive? ...Loving
with human love, one may pass from love to hatred; but divine love
cannot change. Nothing, not even death, can shatter it…" Duo read aloud several pages, focusing on the deep tone
of his own voice, trying not to lose himself in the prose nor the
incredible feeling of Heero resting against him, sharing with him
the heat of his body and his chest moving against his arm ever so
slightly with his every breath. When Heero let out a soft moan Duo paused and tilted
his head forward to gaze past Heero's haphazard bangs at his relaxed
face. The young man had fallen asleep – how many pages ago Duo
did not know. Staring at the beautiful face the book in his lap had
lost all meaning to him. Careful not to disturb the sleeping form
he put away the book on the empty cushion next to him and then he
tentatively leaned his cheek against the top of Heero's head, then
burying his nose in the soft hair that smelled so unearthly incredible
that the cheap shampoo couldn't possibly deserve all the credit. Somehow, no matter how careful he had been, his actions
must have awoken Heero. The figure stirred and after taking a deep
breath a sleepy voice declared: "I should go home." "You should," Duo agreed in a low whisper,
but he made no move to distance himself from Heero. In fact, it was
pretty clear from his intonation that although he agreed Heero should
leave, he didn't want him to. Maybe it was due to his own tiredness,
or sharing the poetic words of Tolstoy or the soothing warmth radiating
from the body pressed up against him, but the layer of rationality
and caution that shielding him had thinned to a transparent, barely-there
glaze and he found himself unable to resist the sheer magnetism of
his neighbor. The young man looked up at him, he had heard it in his
voice. To test the waters he closed the distance to place a mere peck
on Duo's lips. "Thank you for a lovely evening." "You're welcome," He breathed, then he ran
his lower lip along Heero's, effectively engaging the young man in
another tender kiss. The taste, smell and sight of the exotic specimen
on his couch was absolutely intoxicating. He shuddered when Heero
moved both his hands to cup his face as he needily deepened the kiss
again, exhaling hot breath through his nose in a delicious, content
sigh. His hand snaked around Heero and settled on the small of his
back, pushing up the fabric of his shirt. Duo moaned into the other's
mouth when his palm rested against smooth, heated skin. "I really should go," The Japanese male reiterated
when their lips parted briefly to take in a hastened breath. "Hmhm," was all Duo could reply, his mouth
and tongue otherwise occupied. "Seriously," Heero spoke between impassioned
kisses, "If I am going to get another erection that goes to waste
I am going to be really pissy." Duo let out a hearty laugh and pulled back, looking
at Heero's pout with mirth. "Okay." Heero chuckled. He placed a final, chaste kiss on Duo's
mouth and then rose from the couch. As he walked out of the living
room Duo reminded him to leave through the back door. He watched Heero's
back tense up but the younger man never missed a step and soon he
heard the kitchen door open and close. As soon as the house was empty except for himself, guilt
snuck in to join him and haunt him. He did not only feel guilty because
his sinful actions were eroding the one pillar of strength that supported
the entire weight of his precariously balanced life, but also because
for the first time it struck him that what they were doing –
whatever it was – could also potentially uproot Heero's life,
albeit for different reasons. Even though he had all evening, he couldn't
very well continue to ignore the "love-at-first-sight" remark
Heero had made, which appeared to concern Duo. He wasn't arrogant
enough to believe that the young man could not do 'this' with him
without developing feelings for him, he didn't have the self-worth
to back up any kind of arrogance, but the night's conversation certainly
alluded to the possibility that the situation wasn't clear-cut for
Heero either. Duo didn't want to end up hurting Heero like his first love had, but as long as Heero didn't indicate that he wasn't satisfied with what Duo was able to offer him, Duo knew he would be unable to refrain himself from losing himself to his young neighbor. He was pretty confident Heero was the stronger one of the two of them, so it
would be up to him to 'close the door'. Obviously when he would leave, following the completion
of the house, he was going to pull the door shut behind him, but if
he wanted to end things before that time came, he was going to have
to take it upon himself to lock Duo out. Around Heero's magnetism,
Duo suffered an embarrassing lack of self-control. Disappointingly,
as long as the door was left ajar, Duo would be right on the other
side. Not even a lifetime of indoctrination could prevent him from
yearning for Heero's touch. He found himself out at sea in a wild storm, clutching
the chain of the anchor. The anchor was heavy enough to resist the
pull of the waves… but were his arms strong enough to hold on? ~~~ |
