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"Brothers"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, Get together fic, sap, angst, fluff,
citrus Pairings: 2x1 Summary: After the death of his mother, Duo is forced to live with his estranged father. The new family seems perfect at first, but the truth is entirely different and will be revealed as Duo starts to get feelings for his "brother". Author's note: *****Please read the warnings for this chapter!***** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WARNING: Self-harm. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Brothers " Chapter Thirteen It was the start of a frightening new year. Every measure of celebration seemed inappropriate. The crackle of fireworks in the sky startled me, and I shivered, down to my bone marrow. They were like warning shots fired into the air. Cameron had his left hand on the back of my neck and his right hand on the back of Heero's neck and he was making us look up at the display of color. "Isn't it beautiful?" He mused rhetorically. "Strange how something so dangerous can be so beautiful." It sounded like he was describing himself and I knew he was. He was less coy about his threats since he found out I knew his dirty little secret. "It's not dangerous if you know how to handle it," I replied, trying to be smart, hoping the quiver in my voice wasn't detectable over the whistling of arrows and the roaring of explosions above us. "One misstep and things can still blow up in your face." He looked down at me. I steeled my gaze and shot right back at him: "Indeed." The corners of his mouth curved down in a displeased grimace. I felt his hold on my neck tightening. "An explosion is indiscriminate. It will wipe out everyone close to it, even the innocent bystanders." "Stop your morbid talk," Tabytha interrupted, oblivious to what we were really talking about. "Just enjoy the fireworks." When the colorful show died down and the skies went black, with a grey fuzz of smoke veiling the moon and the stars, we went back into the house, seeking shelter from the chilly air. Tabytha poured herself and Cameron another glass of expensive champagne and they toasted to the new year. I looked at Heero and was unnerved when I noticed he had been glaring at me. He didn't like this battle between Cameron and I, he was afraid of being caught in the crossfire. He still didn't realize I was doing all of it to keep him safe - or rather, to keep us both safe. Cameron's Christmas gift had backfired when I had decided to install the flat screen television and brand new gaming console in Heero's room, as opposed to my own. My father had tried to prevent it, but Tabytha unknowingly took my side when she reasoned it only made more sense: Heero's room was bigger and could accommodate the big TV much easier and she pointed out how generous it was of me that I was willing to share my present with my brother. Never mind that I hadn't actually gotten him to play with me yet. Cameron couldn't argue with that without raising suspicion, but it made him all the more resentful towards me. He was looking for a way to get his revenge. To make sure he wouldn't abuse Heero to punish me, we were practically conjoined twins for the duration of our Christmas vacation. Even though Cameron knew I knew what was going on, he still played his game of pretend in front of me, maybe because it was second nature to him or maybe because he knew it creeped me out. Regardless, it meant he kept a distance whenever Heero and I were together. So I promised Heero that as long as he would cooperate with me, I would make no waves, but that promise was hard to keep when Cameron kept antagonizing me. After our first day back at school we went straight home as we were always instructed to do. Cameron was keeping us on as short of a leash as possible without alarming Tabytha. I still hadn't figured out how much she knew, but she must be at least a bit suspicious and yet she decided to look the other way, rather than investigate. I had no ally in her, I couldn't trust her. She was living in a bubble and she didn't want it to burst so she wasn't about to start poking at it or let anybody else poke at it. I plopped down on the carpeted floor of Heero's bedroom and took the controller of the gaming console into my hand. "We have homework," He pointed out. "I thought you preferred doing all our assignments on your own," I sniped back, scrolling through my saved games. "I'm not just talking about Physics. I'm not going to cover your other class work." I shrugged and rebooted my last mission, where my characters kept dying in a warehouse raid. "I don't care about school. I don't care if I fail." "Cameron will make you care." I glanced up at him. My eyebrow twitched. "It bugs you," I observed and I teased: "It bugs you that I don't want to do my homework. You know, that's a little obsessive compulsive, that you can't stand the thought of my homework not being finished." He snorted and started digging into his bag, looking for a specific book. "Either that, or... you want me to succeed in school. Because you care about me." That was a pretty bold thing to say but I loved how his jaw dropped momentarily at being prodded like that. At times like that I remembered that Heero was still human, even though I believed the way he handled the situation with Cameron was so cold-blooded that, more often than not, it seemed like Heero had sacrificed his humanity for the sake of his survival. "Fine. Just play your stupid games." "These games are actually a lot more fun if you play them together." I looked up at him expectantly, but he didn't meet my gaze. "We could team up." No response. He opened his textbook and started leafing through it dutifully. "Or we could fight each other." Heero cocked his head and looked over his shoulder, interested in the possibility. I smirked. Knowing I had to sweeten the pot, I suggested: "Since you're all about pragmatism and doing one thing to get another, how about this: I'll make you a deal. If you beat me-" I nodded at the screen where I had paused my solo-game, "I'll do my homework first thing every day for an entire week and I won't bitch and moan about it." "And you'll leave me alone," He insisted. I shook my head. "I can't do that. But I will be quiet." "All week?" "All week. I won't say a word." He swiveled his chair around. He was definitely intrigued. "And what about when you win?" I smirked at him. "Oh, if you play, I'll already have my prize." "You just want me to play? You don't want anything from me?" He seemed confused and surprised and that broke my heart. "Would you agree to leaving this place with me if I win?" "No." "In that case: No. I don't want anything from you if I win." He contemplated the deal briefly. "Come on," I pressed and said in a low, tempting whisper: "A whole week of silence." "It's still not fair. I have never played this game." "I hadn't either until last week. Here, take the controller," I held it out to him. "I'll let you do a solo-mission first, so you can practice. And then we'll go head to head." He nodded curtly and moved to sit down on the floor next to me and took the controller from me. I watched him play the game and although he was a fast learner, as I could have suspected, I wasn't too worried. I was confident enough that I had gotten good enough at the game to be able to beat him but I trusted him to be arrogant enough to not suspect that. "Mission complete," He said proudly when he was done and the screen read: VICTORY. "That was really good." I grabbed the other controller and entered the menu to select a two-person gameplay in which we could fight each other. The screen split into two halves and as the settings loaded, I informed: "I'm the top. You're the bottom." I bit my lip as I realized the unintended double innuendo of my words. I glanced at him sideways but it didn't appear like he had caught it. If anything he seemed determined and ready to kick my ass. For a minute he had me worried he would be able to beat me. My character had taken a severe hit and was limping and his character had just found the bazooka-round I had spent most of my time looking for - rendering the best of my few weapons useless. But I soon found a medicine kit and he made the mistake of taking time to set up a trap by the water tower. Because I could also see his half of the screen, I knew where he was. The water tower was a recognizable landmark in the level and easy to find. With my life-bar completely green and extra rounds for my rifle, I headed straight for him. I shot him twice and then got up close for hand to hand combat. I stepped on one of the mines he had placed, that was stupid, but it wasn't enough to lose me the upper hand. Beside me I could hear him furiously pressing buttons as his life-bar quickly went red until his half of the screen blurred and eventually blacked out. He stared at the screen with evident dismay. He wasn't used to not being the best at something. "Best two out of three?" I suggested. "That seems only fair. You cheated after all." "I did not cheat!" "You looked at my screen, how else could you have known where I was?" "That's not cheating. That's just stupid, on your part! Picking the water tower of all places..." I shook my head. "Just hit 'play'," He growled. I happily obliged. A new landscape loaded and we started anew. I let him beat me that time, but put up enough of a fight to make sure he wouldn't suspect I let him win. He was a sore loser but an even more insufferable victor. I didn't mind, however. He seemed to be enjoying the game, enjoying himself even and that was all I ever wanted. I ended up decapitating him in the next round. That certainly left him dumbstruck. I took a while to hide my silly grin and then offered to go for best three out of five, still giving him the opportunity to win the bet - or at least making him think that he could still win. "I know what you're doing." "Well, you are a genius," I asserted shrewdly. "Do you give up?" "I really want you to shut up for a whole week." "So?" "Play," He retorted gruffly. He kept losing and I kept offering him rematches and his pride wouldn't let him quit. I was starting to run the risk of losing the bet as his gaming skills were quickly improving. But I had to take that risk, even if I would end up losing, it would be worth it. Keeping my mouth shut for a duration of seven days would be a challenge, no doubt, but I had to exploit the moment as long as I could. He would never admit it, but he was having fun. He almost resembled a normal kid, leaning into the movements, along with his character and gritting his teeth in effort and suspense. We had both been so caught up in the battle that we had missed the footsteps coming up the staircase and we were both startled when Cameron suddenly burst in, who had finally succeeded in sneaking up on us. I looked up at him and noticed that the sight before him shocked him. Obviously he had hoped that Heero's off-putting demeanor would keep us from bonding, but with the way things looked in that moment - even more amicably than things really were between us - he knew he had reason for concern. "What are you doing?" He demanded to know. "We're just playing a game..." He looked at me sharply. "You have homework to do. You both do. Heero, this is unacceptable." My father had never made a fuss when he had caught me gaming by myself. Heero shocked us both - probably himself as well - when he chimed in: "Please, one more game." Cameron stared at him in disbelief and then redirected his gaze to me. His eyes were cold and sinister. He had never looked at me quite like that before, like he had only just appreciated how dangerous I could potentially be. He took a moment to compose himself and then he said: "Finish your homework first." He tried to sound as cool and collected as he always did, but his voice was trembling and his nostrils were flared. He had been convinced that I would never get Heero to side with me, but in that moment I could see the fear in his eyes; fear that Heero would betray him and turn against him at the insistence of his new 'brother' and 'friend', and then everything would fall apart around him. Heero dropped the controller and took a seat at his desk. He angled his head down and intently directed his gaze at the pages of his textbook. With a sigh I shut off the game and pulled my book bag towards me. He nodded authoritatively and after scrutinizing me for another, agonizing moment, he left the room. "Jesus." I breathed a sigh of relief. "We can continue our game when we're done." "I don't want to," The other replied gruffly. "What? Why not? Didn't you want to beat me?" "Forget it. It was stupid. It was a waste of my time. I have better things to do. I shouldn't lose focus." I frowned at his uncharacteristic rambling. Absentminded I looked back at the screen where I noticed I hadn't even thought to pause the game when Cameron barged in. Heero's character was standing in a field somewhere and mine was by the row of abandoned buildings where I knew he previously set up explosive booby-traps. A thought came to mind and rather than discontinuing the game, I walked my character into a shed, where you could normally find ammunition and I deliberately triggered one of Heero's traps. With only a third of my life-bar left green, the explosion proved fatal. My half of the screen went black and Heero's half read: VICTORY. "Oh shit," I said dryly. "I lost. Which means I lost the bet," we had agreed on sudden death rounds, after all. All it would take for one to beat the other was a single win and by causing my own death Heero was the victor by default. "Don't be patronizing. I wasn't even playing anymore. If anything, you won because I forfeited the game." "No, no. We didn't stop the game. And now my commando is dead, which means you have won the battle and, by extension, our bet." He eyed me suspiciously. "So... I guess I should shut up now." With a grin I mimed physically zipping my lips. "Your stupidity insults me. You didn't lose, I won't accept this." I shrugged. "I haven't done anything to deserve winning the bet," He argued. He was getting a little flustered. I just blinked up at him. "God!" He exclaimed. "Who knew you could be even more annoying without talking?" I simply smirked. "Duo, I'm serious. This isn't right. I didn't win. I don't like getting things when I haven't earned it." Even though we were delving into a deeper issue, I stuck to my guns and didn't say anything. It might be good for him to experience getting a reward without having to work for it. Perhaps he could learn to accept that there was nothing wrong with that, he was just a kid after all, he shouldn't have to earn his keep all the time. "If you're seriously not going to say anything the entire week, at least get out of my room." I shook my head. That wasn't part of the deal, after all. I had to remain by his side, for his own protection. Whether or not he was ready to acknowledge that. He turned around in his seat, heaving a deep sigh. He resigned to his fate and focused his attention on his school work. With nothing better to do, I did my own homework as well and afterwards found other ways to kill the time. After dinner I went back up to Heero's room with him and put on a movie, wearing headphones at his insistence. I didn't say anything to him and I wasn't planning to. I was curious to see how he would react to my week-long silence, now that he must have gotten used to hearing me run my mouth on a daily basis. I liked to think he would miss my voice filling the silence, that my presence had somehow grown on him, but there was only one way to find out. It would be an interesting experiment, at least. By the third-day-mark it was evident my brother was more frustrated by my purposeful silence than he could manage. He made it his mission to get me to talk to him, I suspected because that would feel like a victory to him, like a point proven; that I had no discipline. The sly little bastard even went so far as trying to start up a conversation with me during dinner that evening, in the presence of Tabytha and Cameron. I didn't respond vocally. I only nodded or shook my head when I could and just made faces or blatantly ignored him when he asked me open-ended questions. "Are you two having a fight?" Tabytha asked with concern, her eyes darting at Cameron. Cameron was only pleased, he took my silence as a sign of our 'budding friendship' withering and dying and he wasn't about to fix matters. He urged Tabytha to leave it be. The woman was reluctant to heed his orders, but too afraid to oppose him. However, once Cameron had retreated into his home office in the back of the house and Heero had gone up to his room after dinner, she confronted me as I helped her clear the table and load the dishwasher. "What's going on between you two?" "Nothing," Was my innocent and not entirely inaccurate reply. I hadn't expected her to press on, she was hardly ever interested in our lives. "You would tell me if something was going on, right?" I looked at her with stone cold eyes. "Would you really want me to?" The seriousness of my tone unnerved her. "Would you really want to know?" I noticed a frightful flicker in her big eyes. I could hear her breathing nervously and noticed that the hand with which she gripped the edge of the kitchen counter was trembling and white-knuckled. Suddenly, she averted her gaze. After taking a moment to straighten her pencil shirt and fuss with a curled lock of her hair that framed her face, she turned her head again and that time faced me with a poised smile. "I'm sorry, honey, I didn't mean to meddle." She knew, I thought to myself and the depths of my guts churned with disgust. Her blinking her eyes at me innocently was as much of a confession as I was ever going to get. She knew what went on between Cameron and Heero - perhaps not the full extent of it, like I didn't know the whole story yet myself, but she knew enough and she didn't stop it. I was torn between anger and pity. Obviously Cameron's dominating nature had frightened her into inaction all these years, but while understandable, it was still inexcusable that she had never tried to save her adoptive son from her own husband. In that same moment she must have realized that I had learned of the truth as well. Yet we both finished our chore as if nothing had changed and went our separate ways afterward. I joined Heero in his room and started another violent mission in one of the gameplays. It was good to be able to take my aggression out on something. In real life I felt pathetically useless and not in control. I was tempted to confront him with my new-found knowledge regarding Tabytha, but I was still too determined to last the week. With a sigh I paused the game and I looked at him. He looked so normal, hunched over his work, catching him in a yawn. I didn't like to admit it - and Heero even less so - but we were really brothers. Being brothers didn't exclude hating each other's guts from time to time, perhaps more often than not. I cared for him and wanted to protect him the way I imagined an older brother would look out for his younger sibling, ignoring the fact that we were only a year apart in age. In spite of everything, I experienced a closeness to him and because I had had so few friends in my lifetime due to my nomadic existence with my mom, he had quickly risen in ranks and had become the second closest person to me. My mom being dead didn't mean she wasn't still in first place. I wished I could tell him that. I wished I could believe that it would mean something to him, but I wasn't sure. Maybe he was too far gone to be able to appreciate those kinds of sentiments. The sick part was; in spite of my growing brotherly feelings towards him, I still wasn't blind to his physical beauty. Whenever I looked at him I was reminded of the way I felt when I used to look at this guy I had a crush on. Grant's dad owned a motel and the old man gave me and my mom a good deal for a room, we stayed there an entire month, making trips to the Grand Canyon. My mom had always wanted to see the Grand Canyon, she had said and she wasn't satisfied until she had seen all of it. Of course that was an exaggeration, but we did end up seeing a whole lot of it. I was bored by the sand and the stone - every cliff edge and crevice looks the same after a while - but the sight of Grant was always titillating. He always wore sleeveless shirts and every time I saw him he had greasy stains on his neck, from working on his old Mustang and then scratching an itch. Grand Grant. I used to dream about him too. Those dreams were fairly innocent compared to the thoughts of Heero that my subconscious entertained. In my dream from last night we were both in his bed. I knew it was a dream instantly because Heero didn't even allow me to sit on his bed, let alone share it with him. It resembled a platonic sleep-over at first until the scene seamlessly transitioned into us making out, breathing heavily through our nose as our tongues battled and running our hands all over the other, at which point I realized we were suddenly naked. Embarrassingly, I had never actually kissed anyone yet, even though I always pretended to have a worldly understanding of physical intimacy. My imagination filled in the blanks effortlessly. Heero's lips were soft and his mouth hot. The touch of his hands was rough with unbridled, teenage lust. He engaged me eagerly, he didn't lean away like he had with Patrick. He wanted me and he didn't hesitate to show me how much. My face contorted with horror. Reliving the dream had been a terrible idea. I didn't need to look down at my lap to confirm I had an erection. Instead, I glanced at Heero, half expecting him to have already spied me in my shameful state, but he was still focused on his work, oblivious to my inappropriate arousal. I looked back at the TV screen, noticing my character was being fired upon, but even the eerily realistic spatters of blood and the contortions of his body couldn't diminish my lust, I was a hot-blooded teenage boy after all. I exited the game, not bothering to save my progress. Without a word, I scrambled to my feet and hurried out the door. Heero must have looked after me, once he noticed I was leaving, but he didn't say anything and I prayed he hadn't seen anything. I didn't want to upset him. I didn't want to frighten him, I didn't want to give him a very real reason to distrust me. In a mad dash I made my way through the house and up to my room, thankfully going unnoticed. Cameron was still in his office and I could hear Tabytha talking to someone on the phone, in the living room. Upstairs I locked the door to my bedroom and then went into the bathroom and locked that door as well. The friction created by my jeans made my predicament all the more urgent. I turned on the shower, to have a good excuse not to be disturbed and to drown out any incriminating noises I might make. I leaned back against the sink and unceremoniously undid my jeans and pushed them down my thighs along with my underwear. I cursed at the sight of my swollen manhood, I felt betrayed, but there was only one thing I could do about it. I spat in my palm and wrapped my hand around the shaft and started jerking myself off. It wouldn't take much, I knew. I tried not to think of Heero, I desperately tried to focus on a memory of Grant, working on the engine of his Mustang, but for whatever reason I couldn't remember what he looked like, in that moment. Although Grant was much older than me, he was a better justifiable object of affection than my goddamned - abused - brother, but I had little say in the matter. When I came, all I could see behind my closed eyelids was Heero's face, the way I remembered it best: judging me and the intense stare didn't turn me off in the slightest. The next few days it wasn't really a challenge to ignore Heero; I couldn't even look him in the eyes. Rather than trying to corner me and get me to talk, like he had the day before, he left me alone. Maybe because he didn't care anymore, but I liked to think it was because he recognized something was bothering me and he was being sympathetic. But I was too disturbed by my own actions to be encouraged by the thought, whether or not it was an illusion. I could catch Cameron smirking at the two of us from time to time, definitely pleased that we weren't talking. He talked to his favored son about his Mathletes competition next week, his voice was dripping with smugness, now that he felt assured again that I wouldn't be able to turn Heero against him. He mistakenly thought I had given up. On the fifth day of silence, while we were up in Heero's room, my brother was in the bathroom and I was watching videos on my laptop. I knew what he doing, but I tried to distract myself and hoped being annoyed at my silence hadn't triggered him. Based on the amount of scars, I didn't think it had anything to do with me, it was something he did frequently. I was halfway into a cat-video when I heard his muffled voice call my name. I pretended not to hear him, I didn't want to see him like that again, seated on the bathroom floor, with rivulets of blood running down his thighs. "Duo, come in here." I snapped my laptop shut and momentarily froze. His tone of voice was urgent. I got up on my feet and approached the bathroom door. I opened it apprehensively. Heero was in his usual spot on the floor, his 'bag of accessories' next to him. The bloodied razor was on the edge of the tub. His face was deathly pale. He was holding bundled up bandages and tissues to the inside of his leg, but the blood was soaking through and there was a steady dribble that fed the puddle of blood on the tile, between his thighs. My heart rate sped up instantly. "Jesus Christ." It were the first words I had spoken to him in nearly a week, but I wasn't concerned with that anymore. "I went a little too deep. It won't stop." Heero's explanation was remarkably calm, but perhaps that was only because he was exhausted; the life was literally draining out of him. "I need you to come here and press the bandages onto the cut more tightly." I stammered something nonsensical and gazed down at my shaking hands, horrified at the thought of his life being in my hands. "It's fine. If you just press it on tightly for a little bit it will stop. I waited too long and now my hands are too weak." He chuckled breathlessly and a sick smile spread across his lips. I stumbled forwards and knelt on the floor. With my hands halfway towards him I hesitated. "Hold the bandages with one hand and my leg with the other and squeeze." "I think I should get Cameron." I could hardly believe I had said that, but it was my instinct. It seemed to me Heero needed to go to the hospital. "Please don't." I looked in his eyes and saw the heartfelt plea. He was scared. Not scared of dying, but scared of dealing with Cameron in this situation. I nodded and took the ball of bandages in one hand and gripped his thigh with the other to keep his leg steady as I pressed the cloth against it as tightly as I could. Heero hissed in pain but said: "That's good." "This looks serious..." "It's just a vein. I've done it before. It'll clot and close up in a moment." I tried to calm myself by regulating my breathing; in through the nose and out through the mouth. My gaze was focused on my hands, to minimize the trembling. After about a minute, which felt like an hour, I looked up at Heero and noticed he had his eyes closed. "Heero?" "I'm fine," He replied, sounding annoyed. He opened his eyes and chuckled bitterly at my panicked expression. "Do you think this is funny?" I steeled my nerves. "Did you really need me in here, or were you just trying to get me to talk by freaking me out?" "Relax, Jesus. Do you really think I would let you barge in on my private ritual and let you touch me for something so trivial?" I wasn't sure if I could believe him, but I didn't feel like arguing with him. I held onto his leg and applied pressure to the wound until he ordered me to let go. I sat back and watched him carefully remove the ball of bandages and inspect the wound. The blood flow seemed to have stopped. He taped a fresh bandage to his inner thigh routinely, making sure it was on tight. Still seated on the floor he reached for a new roll of toilet paper and started soaking up the blood that was on the floor. "You can leave now," He said irritably. "Shouldn't you get up and clean up?" He had been partly sitting in the pool of his own blood, staining his navy blue underwear and there were droplets on his white shirt as well. "I have to sit here for a little while longer. I'll pass out if I get up too soon." He seemed to be speaking from experience. I nodded. "Then I'm not going anywhere." He only grunted in response. "Heero," I started, since he had no choice but to listen to me anyway, "I know someone. An old friend of my mother's." He exhaled deeply and affixed his disinterested gaze on me. "She could help us." He snorted and was about to interject with some snarky comment, but I went on: "She's a good person. She'll take care of us. She will protect us." "From him?" He questioned. "Do you know this woman well enough to put that kind of faith in her?" I stared at him as he continued to challenge my proposal for an escape. "Cameron has money and political gravitas on his side. What does she have?" "The truth." "The truth is worthless against a smith who has mastered the art of lying. People are always more easily convinced by a compelling lie than a horrible truth." I shook my head. "That's bullshit. If you tell people what he has done to you and there will be a real investigation, there is no way he can twist the facts to suit himself." "He has done so every single time so far." "I don't understand you! We could do this," I insisted. "I don't want to!" I reeled back. "How many more times are we going to have this exact conversation? If you want to leave, you should. If it's just you, I think you could get away, I don't think he cares enough at this point. The longer you wait - the more you piss him off - the more difficult it will be for you to get away. If you make it so he wants to punish you, he will never let you go." "I'm not leaving without you." "I'm not going anywhere. It is pointless to try." I crawled closer to him, still hoping to convince him. "If we make it hard enough for him to find us, he'll gave up eventually." "I earn him money and prestige. He won't give that up. If I would leave, he would turn the whole world upside down to find me, if only to punish me for damaging his business and his reputation." I noticed the hint of pride in his voice and it sickened me. Logically, I understood Heero had to adapt to be able to survive in the given circumstances, but it was impossible to empathize with his measure of determination even in the face of a possible escape. "Why won't you just think about it before immediately shooting my ideas down?! We can do this! We can get away from him! We have to try, at least!" "Stop saying these things!" "Heero-" "If I were to leave now the past eight years have all been for nothing!" He screamed hoarsely and then his eyes widened and his chest started to heave with pants as he was shocked by his own outburst. Unwillingly he had revealed a deeper level to his determination to stay. He had already invested so much to get what he wanted from Cameron - and had to let go of so much, including his own dignity and self-worth - leaving at such a late stage would negate everything: he would have been sodomized and whored off for nothing. His past investment compelled him to continue to commit to his method. By admitting that, he came closer than he ever had before to admitting that he knew what Cameron did to him was wrong and that, reasonably, there was a way out for them, if we dared to take it. I watched as he covered his face with his hands, hiding his expressions as he dealt with his emotional turmoil. When he lowered his hands back into his lap his features were once more molded into a cold look of indifference, but I knew he was simply hiding the truth from me. I moved even closer to him, ignoring the flicker of discomfort in his eyes at me invading his personal space. "Heero, you want a bright future, right? That's what all of this is about? That is what all your sacrifices were for, right?" He shrugged, as if he didn't care. "You can still have that. In fact, you can only have that, if we get out of here. Heero, you are a genius. A freaking child prodigy. You could get a scholarship for every school you want, you don't need Cameron's money. What you need is for him to be out of your life, or else he will continue to abuse you, even when you go off to school." He looked off to the side. "Even if I did believe you..." He trailed off. "Even if I did, it doesn't change the fact that he will never let me go. You saw how it was when we went to the movie theater. He manipulates the law into being on his side and he can get everything done. Years ago, I told people what he did to me, but there was no evidence and so here I am. Still. He convinced them that I was confused and traumatized by my childhood. No one ever took me seriously." I bit my lip. I believed him. Ruby had also warned me of his power and the dangerous way in which he wielded it. After a moment of contemplation I concluded: "Then we need evidence. There has to be something." "You'll never find it. He's too careful. He has lasted this long, after all." I took hold of his shoulders and made him look at me. "Heero, if I find indisputable evidence, the kind of evidence that will get him locked up and us out of his reach, do you promise me to leave with me?" He didn't say anything. He looked at me blankly. "Heero..." I felt a tear run down my cheek. "Heero, please, promise me. You deserve better than this, don't you believe that?" Disregarding my question, he restated: "You'll never find evidence to implicate him." I roughly wiped away the trails of tears on my face and said through gritted teeth: "If you really believe that than you should have no problem making this promise to me." "Fine," He growled. "Promise me." "I promise." I let out a quivering breath that I had been holding. "Thank you." Against better judgment I leaned in and hugged him. It was awkward, he didn't return the embrace, but I needed it. My mother raised me to be a bit of a touchy-feely guy. It felt like the hard part was over, but that was misguided. The challenge was to find proof, the kind of proof that would land Cameron behind bars. I knew that wouldn't be easy, but at least I had a goal; a purpose and that washed away some of the helplessness that had suffocated me like six feet of dirt. I didn't even know what I was looking for, exactly, making it all the more difficult to find it. It would have to be something concrete, if they weren't going to take Heero's word it, other testimonies wouldn't do either. But I doubted anything ever happened in the house, Cameron wouldn't allow that, that would be reckless. That was why he took Heero 'fishing' twice a year, that was where it happened. The cabin, however, was not available to me for research and in spite of his threats, I suspected Cameron would never bring me there, in the very least not in the capacity to snoop around. Cameron's office would be a good place to start. I remembered, from when I first arrived and made my rounds through the house, that my father kept his computer behind lock and key. Something incriminating had to be on there, otherwise a password would do, but with his son being a computer genius he needed an extra, more tangible layer of defense. At the very first opportunity, when I was left alone in the house, I went into his office and studied the locked cabinet. Wires that fed the screen came out holes in the back that were precisely drilled. It wasn't an easy lock to pick either. Curiosity had nourished the immoral skill in me, but I could only unlock the standard, simple ones. A disc tumbler lock, like the one I was staring at, was definitely out of my league. The cabinet could be forced open quite easily, it was just wood, but there was no way for me to get to the computer without leaving behind evidence. That would only be acceptable if I knew for certain I would be able to find what I needed. As it stood, it was an unwise risk. I turned my attention to the bookcase and scrutinized the combination of pharmaceutical and legal textbooks and collected knickknacks. It was hardly informative. I leafed through a number of books as if I expected one of them to be a damning diary in disguise. Helplessness quickly returned. Heero pretended like nothing had happened, he didn't act any differently and the days went on as they always had. I suspected he didn't want me to find anything, which would explain why he wasn't willing to help. He still viewed it as an enormous risk that would never pay off. He didn't understand the urgency, he didn't understand the necessity and he wasn't going to make an effort to try to understand. It was a slippery slope for him, once he started down that path he would soon descend into darkness as it would confront him with all that he had done in the past. He had reached a point where it was easier for him to look the other way. He didn't cover his mirrors without reason, he wouldn't be able to stand the sight of himself. Unmasking Cameron and the investigation that would follow would be horribly confrontational for Heero. Making him look in that mirror was cruel, but it was necessary if I were to save him. Until that time, I didn't torment him with the thought of it. I remained as lighthearted around him as I possibly could, perhaps also for my own benefit, as a welcome distraction. My brother responded unexpectedly well to that. I assumed he was so relieved that I wasn't forcing him to talk about it - which he must have feared after our conversation on the bathroom floor -, that he decided to reward me with a kinder demeanor on his part. I could almost see the elation and gratitude in his eyes. I challenged him to a videogame rematch and he agreed and I unintentionally unearthed an addictive quality to his personality because we ended up gaming for the entire duration of the weekend. We were normal kids, battling each other through virtual characters and smack talking on the side to psych the other out. On Sunday afternoon we even did a couple of mission where we teamed up as allies as opposed to fighting like mortal enemies and that was even better. I enjoyed how invested he got in each game. He really couldn't stand losing which meant he actually seemed to prefer us working as a team, increasing the odds of obtaining victory, and I happily followed him as he asserted himself as the leader of our 'dynamic duo'. I laughed a lot that weekend. It had been a long time since I had laughed like that. It felt good. I even caught Heero smirking on occasion and that gave me the same funny feeling in my stomach as Grant's bulging biceps had, although fortunately there were no more instances of an inconvenient and embarrassing surprise-erection. Cameron was less amused. He got clued in at dinner on Monday when he overheard Heero and I quietly strategizing about how to assassinate the fictional, barbaric president for the benefit of a make-belief country. I fell silent when I noticed how he was looking at me, like only a thin thread of restraint kept him from leaping across the table and strangling me right then and there. The scary part was that if he ever did try to kill me, Heero and Tabytha would be unable to stop him. They might not even try. I liked to think my brother had grown fond of me, within his own, emotional limitations, but he was too much under Cameron's control. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say he had grown accustomed to me, as opposed to fond of me. He would miss me, but only in the way you miss the Christmas tree in the living room after the holidays are over, and that only lasts a couple of days. I would miss him more than a Christmas tree. "Are you going to eat that?" I pointed at the quarter of cucumber in his lunchbox. We were sitting at the bottom of the staircase, in between classes. He tolerated my presence at school as well nowadays. "I don't share food." I grimaced. I thought that a piece of cucumber might be a good place to start but I discovered he was still vehemently against sharing. That must have something to do with his past, when he had been forced to share everything with his many siblings. We ate our lunch quietly and even though he never touched the piece of cucumber, he didn't offer it to me and after the bell rang he threw it into the trash. It was an unsubtle wake-up-call, but one I needed. Things had almost been going too well the past week, I was starting to forget that I was dealing with a deeply damaged person. I had to tread carefully. As we were walking to class, I wondered out loud: "So... you have that Mathletes thing today, right?" "Hn." "Are you going by yourself?" "Cameron usually takes me." I bit my lower lip and watched him read his book for his Spanish class for a minute, he wasn't even paying attention to where he was walking. "Is there really a Mathletes competition?" He looked up from the pages with a quirked eyebrow. "Yes." "I should come with you." "Don't bother. We are really only going to the competition. You will be bored and you will irritate me." "You don't think he'll do anything? Make the best of the opportunity?" "I'm too old for Cameron," He reiterated. "But not too old for his buddies." He sighed. It was the first time we had talked about it since the big talk in the bathroom. The topic was an inconvenience for him. "We are coming straight home after the competition. There will be no time for anything else. He is careful, I told you." "Tabytha knows," I decided to share. He snorted. "Of course she does. She's not as stupid as she pretends to be. Her and Cameron, they are both excellent at their little game of pretend. Two variations of the same charade. She pretends she doesn't know and Cameron pretends he doesn't know that she knows. It works for them, as it appears." "What is to stop him from spending the night away from home with you and arranging something with his pals on the fly? Is the game of pretend really that important?" "Yes. I thought you understood, knowing the truth is different from having evidence to discredit the lie. As long as he doesn't give her anything more than a suspicion, she will never be compelled to act." "I don't think it'll last," I mulled. "I want to come with you." "I get off at two, whereas you have shop class until four in the afternoon. We have to leave at three if we want to be there on time. It is impossible for you to accompany us." "I'll cut class." He looked at me sideways and smirked darkly. "Cameron will find out and he will be very angry." "I don't care." "That's because you've never seen him really angry. Don't give him a reason to teach you to fear him." "He got angry with me after the wedding, that time in the car," I fired back. "That was nothing. Trust me, when you've really angered him, you will know." I swallowed. "Do us both a favor and don't anger him." To appease him I agreed, albeit reluctantly. We went our separate ways. I wouldn't see him again until he and Cameron would come home later that night and that knowledge made me sick. In shop class I took my frustration out on a piece of sheet metal, hammering it into shape. The swinging of my arm and the violent impact was so satisfying however, that I ended up disfiguring the piece, rendering it useless and the teacher scolded me for wasting material as I went to get a new piece. Following the ring of the bell I sluggishly made my way back to the house. I decided I would wait for Heero in his room, just to be sure. Tabytha wouldn't stop me, she had been avoiding eye contact with me all week. It appeared the guilt was tormenting her, but she deserved it so I cherished no semblance of sympathy for her. I stepped through the front door and was about to head upstairs to retrieve my laptop to bring it with me to Heero's room above the garage, when a deep voice said my name and scared the shit out of me. Standing at the end of the hallway, in the doorway to his office, was Cameron. Quickly composing myself, I wondered: "Did the competition get canceled?" "No. I asked Tabytha to take Heero." I raised my eyebrows. Cameron chuckled. "You'd be surprised at how good of a mother she can be, if you promise her jewelry. You see, people are quite willing to do things when you have the right kinds of rewards to offer them." "Most people," I corrected him, "Not all. Some people can't be bribed." "I agree." He took a few steps towards me. "Some people also need to be scared into doing your bidding." I eyed him suspiciously. When he took another step closer, I stepped back. He chuckled. "I'm not going to hurt you, Duo." I adjusted the shoulder strap of my bag nervously. My heart was beating wildly. "Come into my office for a minute." He turned around and walked back to where he came from. He stood in the middle of the office and waited for me to join him. After a moment of frightful contemplation I followed him inside. The only thought that kept me from running out the door was that it would be illogical for him to murder me in his own house, he would risk leaving forensic evidence. "Sit down." I moved to take a seat in one of the lounge chairs facing the desk, but he stopped me. "No no, over there." He nodded at his big, leather desk chair. I did as I was told, sinking into the soft leather. The sensation of being cradled by the comfortable chair did little to soothe me. "I see the way you look at him," He started calmly. Then he grinned and it made me physically ill. "Like father, like son. We have the same taste." "I'm not like you," I argued through gritted teeth, even though it was exactly the thing that had me worried and had me bathed in a cold sweats whenever a nightmare haunted me. "Then why do you want the same things that I do?" He pushed the framed picture of his adoptive son that was on his desk closer to me and he remarked: "I don't blame you. He is still beautiful..." Still? "You liked him better when he was younger, didn't you?" "I loved him when he was younger." The way he said 'loved' sent a shiver down my spine, the word was dripping with a abhorrent type of lust. "From the moment I first laid eyes on him, I knew I had to have him. His eyes were so big. His mouth was so small..." "Stop it..." "You will never have him," Cameron continued. "Not in any sense of the word. I know you are trying to turn him against me and for a moment you had me concerned, but you will not succeed. Heero is too far gone to go back. He is mine," He emphasized the final word. I shook my head, I refused to believe him. "I'm going to take him away from you." He walked around the desk and leaned in close. He whispered: "I could beat you to within an inch of your life and blame it on bullies at your school. The headmaster tells me you've had some run-ins already." I squeezed my eyes shut. "I would beat you, if I thought that is what is going to keep you on your best behavior. But I don't think that is going to be a long-term solution." He sat back on the edge of his desk, looking casual and collected. "Maybe you are the kind of person that can be bribed. I think I have the right kind of reward." I looked up at him. I tried to stop my lower lip from quivering, I didn't want to show any weakness, but I was on the verge of tears and didn't know how long I could stop myself from becoming an emotional wreck. "You want to fuck Heero. You want to kiss him and touch him and... make love to him," He mocked. "I can give you that." I shook my head. "I don't want that." "It's quite alright, Duo. You don't need to be ashamed. Heero will do as I tell him. He will have sex with you if I tell him to." "I don't want that!" He sighed, he was annoyed more than anything. "You sick son of a bitch!" I shouted. "One day, soon, Heero is going to open his eyes and see what kind of monster you are and he'll be dragging me out the front door instead of the other way around and you will never see us again!" "What, exactly, is going to make him open his eyes?" He challenged self-assuredly. "I've gotten him this far. He is still here. He is still compliant. After everything that has already been done to him, he still has his eyes closed. Do you even know?" "I saw Patrick," I reminded him. He scoffed. "Patrick barely touched him. You know nothing." He smirked. "If you can't be frightened and you can't be bribed, it is time to educate you." I watched him with fearful eyes as he walked to the far wall of the office and opened a framed painting like a kitchen cabinet and revealed a small safe behind it. He routinely punched in a code and when the safe was opened I saw stacks of money, notebooks and a gun. My entire body went rigid. What he retrieved was a seemingly innocuous USB drive. He unlocked the cabinet to access his computer; he booted it up and inserted the drive. "Let's watch a couple of home-movies, since you are part of the family now." "I don't want to see." "I know. That's the point." He came to stand behind me and with a small remote he went through the video-files. "Let's start with one of the older ones. This is actually one of my favorites." He selected the file and pressed play and then placed both of his big hands on my shoulders, holding me in place and he made me watch; forced me to see how he abused Heero and how he let others abuse him. The screen filled with the shaky recordings of a stylish living room, made by a handheld camera. Most of the surroundings were white and bright, but at the focus were two enormous grey couches where seven men were seated. Some of them were fully nude, others only had their pants undone. They were all middle aged and if it wasn't for their demented expressions they could probably pass as respectable businessmen. Most of them had grey hair or were balding, two of them were uncomfortably overweight. "We were wondering when you were finally going to share your toy with us," One of them remarked just as a tall, blonde man stepped into frame. I recognized it to be Cameron, but he purposefully never faced the camera and clearly the cameraman was instructed to keep him anonymous; more often than not the screen cut him off at the shoulders. The camera panned down further. Crawling on his hands and knees next to Cameron, was Heero, his mop of wild hair was unmistakable. He was completely naked but he wore a heavy metal collar with a small, gold bell that jingled delicately with his every movement. A leash was attached to the collar and Cameron was holding the end of it, directing Heero to the center of the room, in front of the two couches, putting him on display for the men. My sight was blurring as my eyes filled up with tears. Judging by his slight frame and the fact that his head looked a little too big for his body, he was obviously much younger than he was now. I estimated him to be about twelve years old - an age at which he was already starting to get too old for Cameron. I looked away when Cameron dragged him by the leash to one of the men. "It is important that you see this, Duo," My father said. I glanced at the screen and saw Cameron grab Heero by the back of his neck and force his face into the man's lap. The man cupped his small face in his greedy hands and started to moan when Heero dipped his head lower and then started bobbing up and down. The bell on his collar jingled a tune that I knew I would never forget. "He's good," The man commented, soon sounding out of breath. "He has had a lot of practice," Cameron replied, consciously distorting the sound of his own voice. He leaned down to pet the back of Heero's head. At his instructions his son continued to pleasure the man until he tugged on the leash and led him to the man to the left. "When do we get to fuck him?" One of the guys on the other couch asked, leaning forward to get a better view of the spectacle. "Not for a while. His ass is still mine. I'm not done with him yet." The men laughed when Heero made a choking sound and his body convulsed because the man he was servicing pushed his head down further, forcing him to take more of him into his mouth than he could handle. "Be careful," Cameron chastised. "You break it, you buy it." "Please stop," I begged. "I don't want to see this." "You're right, let's move on." He paused the video, exited the full screen and then selected another. I shook my head. "No, I don't want to see any of this!" I winced when he grabbed my braid and pulled it down to make me look up at him. "I have to make you understand, Duo. To understand, you have to see this." With his hand on the top of my head he directed my attention back to the computer screen where a new video had started. The settings were different. The walls were covered with wood, the floor was hard wood, thick rafters supported the pitched ceiling, a stag's head was mounted above a fireplace. It was a cabin. It was the 'fishing' cabin, I realized. I didn't see Heero at first, the camera was turned another way, but I heard someone moan, like an animal in pain and I knew it was him, even though the voice sounded nothing like what I was used to. More men had gathered than in the last video. As the cameraman maneuvered through the crowd - every single one of the men looking in the same direction - I counted almost two dozen. Most of them were fully dressed, fondling themselves through their pants with no intentions of getting naked. They were content to watch. The moans got louder and the camera focused on Heero. He was on his back on the narrow end of the dining room table. All the chairs had been cleared away. Two men stood on either side of him, holding his ankles up high and spread far apart. A big man stood at the end of the table and clawed at his thighs as he fucked him. I swallow bile that came up from my stomach reactively. Heero's raspy moans and desperate wails drowned out the groans and filthy comments made by the observers. There was rope around his wrists but the ends of it hung loosely, he had been tied up at one point but wasn't restrained anymore, who knew how long they had been going at him before the camera had started to roll. Heero wasn't fighting the men off, he just gripped the edge of the table with white-knuckled hands, holding on as his entire body shook with the force of their thrusts. He looked like he was about thirteen or fourteen years old. A total of five men took turns fucking him, some of them jerking at the boy's half-hard dick. A laughter spread through the crowd when one of them managed to get him to orgasm; the semen only dribbled out of the head of his penis. One of them moved in and licked it up. He got quiet after that and his hands went limp. I tried to fight my way out of the chair but Cameron was much stronger than me and he held me down. The camera zoomed in on Heero's face. He looked exhausted. He was looking straight at the camera but his eyes were empty and unfocused. They didn't stop and after a while Heero passed out and they had the nerve to laugh again, but they still didn't stop. One of them even pulled his head to the edge of the table and forced his mouth open and he pushed the head of his penis past his lips. "It gets boring once he's out cold," Cameron said and he aimed the remote to select another video. He scrolled all the way to the bottom and selected the most recent recording. I even recognized the date, it was the weekend he had taken Heero to the cabin, under the pretense of going fishing. It hurt me to know that it had happened 'under my watch', as if I could have stopped it, if only I had known. The décor was the same as the previous video, confirming that was the interior of the family cabin upstate. For this event the entire living room had been cleared of furniture. Men stood in a circle to observe the show, some were sick enough to participate. Heero was at the center of the video frame, rope was coiled elaborately around his chest and arms. With his hands tied above his head to the rafters, he could barely touch the floor with his feet. He struggled to remain balanced on the tips of his toes. He didn't look scared, he looked like he was concentrating on the task of remaining standing and with regards to everything else happening around him - men shamelessly masturbating to the sight of him - he was distant and detached. One at a time 'customers' stepped forward, to the cheering of others, and they lay their hands on him. Some of them even had the audacity to kiss him and he let them. Most grabbed his hips and fucked him roughly from behind. All the while, Heero didn't make a sound. One of them, when it was his turn, boldly approached him from the front and had Heero wrap his long legs around his waist, so he could fuck him and ravage his mouth at the same time. He tried to antagonize Heero, tried to get him to pull an expression or make a sound that would please him but the Japanese boy defied him and only glared at him. I closed my eyes, I couldn't stand to see any more of the torture, but the grunts of the men and the sounds of sweaty flesh slapping together, were merciless and the things I saw behind my closed eyelids were just as bad. And I could hear Cameron panting, he was enjoying the sight of it. They continued for God knows how long, judging by the audio the video skipped forward in time a couple of times. "Cam, I think he needs a little pick-me-up." I opened my eyes when I heard one of them say an abbreviation of Cameron's name. Cameron was enjoying the video too much to notice. I watched the screen. Heero was alone at the center of the room, still tied up. His head was lolling from side to side and his eyes threatened to roll back. A fully dressed male approached him and it was Cameron. Again, he kept his back turned towards the camera. However, as he held a butter knife with white powder up to Heero's face, he accidentally partly revealed himself to the lens. With his free hand he held Heero's head steady by the chin and he brought the knife up to his nose. As he had stated, it was 'boring' when Heero passed out, so he gave him drugs to keep him conscious and alert. Without needing to be told to do so, my brother snorted the white powder up his nose. He seemed grateful for it. I closed my eyes again when Cameron walked off screen and another man approached Heero. The moans were awful, even more so because Heero started to moan as well. High on whatever drug he had been fed, he began to enjoy the physical sensations and judging by the catcalls and whistles the crowd was pleased. I didn't open my eyes until the video was finally paused and my father moved to kneel in front of me. I didn't want him to know I had been looking for the past few minutes, afraid he would make me watch more. "Do you see now, Duo? There's no coming back from this." "I don't need him to come back. I just need him to get away from you," I said through gritted teeth. He smirked. "You always have a smart answer ready. But you are not actually very smart." He got up and disconnected the USB drive and safely stored it away in the safe. "Do you know why we are having this conversation right now?" I shook my head and stubbornly wiped away new tears. "Heero told me you were going to look for evidence, to get me locked up." My eyes widened, I couldn't believe he had betrayed my intentions like this. I thought we had been making progress! "Heero and I had a pleasant talk." I didn't doubt that it was anything but pleasant. "He is a genius," He stated, bemused, "At math, among other things. He did some very sound calculations. He could tell me what his big brother has been secretively whispering in his ear, or he could let me dry-fuck him with a dildo that is altogether much too large for him." He chuckled and noted as an afterthought: "After eight years you have to get more creative than simple beatings for punishment." Gripping the armrests tightly, I spat at him: "Heero also told me I would never find any evidence. If you hadn't shown me those videos, I would have believed him and I might have given up looking." "And where's the fun in that?" He mocked. "I wanted you to know that there is proof of what I've been doing to him. And I wanted you to know that you would never be able to get your hands on it," He rapped his fist against the solid metal door of the safe. "You see, when you really want somebody to obey, you have to break them first, only then will a potent combination of threats and bribery be effective. I broke Heero and now I need to break you. In your own, self-destructive ways, you are brave; your mother raised you that way, I suspect. To break you, you need to know there is no hope. So, I wanted you to know exactly what I do to your little brother, and that there is nothing you can do about that." I panted harshly through my flared nostrils and fought the urge to lunge at him. If I had any faith that I could overpower him, I would, but he was bigger than me and stronger than me and there was one other thing my mother taught me, aside from bravery: people underestimate you when they think they have you beat and that is how you will eventually claim victory. So I did nothing, I sat there, glaring at him and let him think he had landed the crippling blow. I wasn't about to give up. I think it was important for the story to showcase what was happening to Heero, but I understand if some of you decided to skip this part. I hope I haven't offended anybody and I also hope the lines weren't disruptive to those who did decide to read the entire chapter. Just so you know, the rape will not be in the forefront again like this until the end of the story and of course warnings will be added by then. For those who skipped the 'rape-scene': Cameron forced Duo to look at videos he had made of Heero getting sodomized by a multitude of men and giving him drugs. Heero doesn't fight it. Cameron had taken care to not be recognizable in the videos but without realizing it he had made one error, revealing part of his face.
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