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"Brothers"Written By: ExecutiveShrimp Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, it belongs
to Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. Written for pleasure not
profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, Get together fic, sap, angst, fluff,
citrus Pairings: 2x1 Summary: After the death of his mother, Duo is forced to live with his estranged father. The new family seems perfect at first, but the truth is entirely different and will be revealed as Duo starts to get feelings for his "brother".
"Brothers " Chapter 11 I imagined my patience as a pencil. It could get dull pretty quickly, but it could be sharpened. Around Heero, however, I snapped that pencil in my frustrated fist. He had a special way of grinding my gears. What bugged me most about him was the fact that he still believed I was the crazy one for thinking that it's not okay to let an adoptive parent rape you in exchange for future college tuition. He called me childish. He called me naïve. He called me selfish. He called me lethargic. I couldn't get him to understand that the end didn't justify the means in that particular case and because I didn't understand he called me ignorant and dimwitted on top of everything else. Spending more time with him was a challenge. He grudgingly allowed my presence in his room, but he would barely acknowledge me. If any words were exchanged between us, they were insults. I had reached a point beyond pity. I was convinced he was insane. Not in the funny, cutesy, lighthearted way either, no; clinically insane. Although 'insane' probably wasn't the politically correct term for it. Neither was 'cold-hearted asshole' but those words repetitively sprang to mind anyway. Sometimes though, during one of our long, awkward silences, I would look at him, sitting at his desk - back straight, the hand holding his pen was tense, his mouth was tight - and he would look human to me again and the hardship that he had been subjected to smacked me across the face and I would struggle with tears. Fortunately, I could always count on Heero demonizing himself by throwing another gut-wrenching, demeaning comment my way and that actually made it easier for me to look him in the eyes. It was for the better, I knew. If you beat and abuse a puppy too much, he can turn out one of two ways; he can become an aggressive beast, or he can become a terrified, broken animal. I preferred seeing Heero bite back, even if he was snapping his jaws and bearing his teeth to the wrong person. I wouldn't want him to be broken because I didn't have faith he could come back from that. I still had faith in him now, enough so to not give up on him. We had another project due for Physics that we were supposed to do together, but Heero insisted on doing it by himself and I had decided not to argue with him. I had to pick my battles more carefully or we would always be fighting and I would never catch him without his armor on. So he sat at his desk and I lounged on the floor, leaning my back against the side of the bed. I hadn't dared to sit on the bed after I first made the mistake of doing so. He absolutely freaked out and in hindsight I realized it had been a stupid, uninformed liberty to take. I should have known better. But since that incident I had been inching closer and closer to the bed, to push the boundaries. I wasn't going to sit on it again anytime soon though. It was horrible to see him like that. He had been downright panicked but he overshadowed that with his immense, terrifying anger. At least things had cooled down a little since then. I could handle the insults, but I couldn't stand being looked at the way he looked at me when I naively dropped down onto his perfectly made bed. "How is the project coming along?" "I'm worried." "Oh?" "The teacher is never going to believe that you helped me on this. I might have to add typo's on purpose," He said dryly. "Thanks." I stuck my tongue out at him, even though he had his back towards me. "Jackass." I said it loud enough for him to hear. I could tell Heero tensed up as much as I did at the sound of footsteps becoming increasingly louder; the telltale sign that someone was coming up the stairs. The door opened abruptly, without the courtesy of a knock, let alone waiting for permission to enter. It was Cameron. It always was. I had noticed Tabytha never came up to Heero's room. Cameron - the perverted asshole - sometimes tried to sneak his way upstairs, trying to make it up the steps unheard so he could catch us completely off guard. It never really worked the way he expected, Heero's hearing had proven itself to be excellent. Clearly the bastard was making sure nothing was going on between us. "Hello, boys." He invited himself into the room. "What are you doing?" "Writing a report," The Japanese boy answered dutifully, without ever turning around in his seat to face his adoptive father. "Isn't Duo helping?" He questioned, looking down at me. "I did my part," I retorted vaguely. Cameron was hardly interested. He probably figured that Heero had taken control over all our shared school projects and that I had let him and he was most likely perfectly fine with that. He didn't like the idea of us getting too close anyway; just close enough for Heero to keep me in check, sure, but not so close that I could influence his prized son. He stalked across the room and closely stood behind Heero, leaning forward to look over his shoulder at what he was typing on his laptop, feigning interest in the subject. A painful knot formed in my stomach as I watched him lay his big hand on Heero's shoulder. Sometimes I worried that he might know and that those little gestures and touches served as a warning towards me. But I suspected Cameron was too vain and thought himself as too smart to ever get caught. I wouldn't have been surprised if the thought had never even occurred to him that his secret could get out; he was, after all, too intelligent, too cunning and too powerful. Not so much, asshole, I thought, gritting my teeth at the display I witnessed. "It's looking good," He complimented. "Don't forget to adjust the margins." Heero and I both rolled our eyes at that, the downside was that Cameron couldn't see Heero do it, but he did see me do it and he glared at me. I pressed my back tightly against the side of the bed, wishing the piece of furniture wasn't there so I could crawl backwards, as far away from him as the room allowed. He frightened me more and more every day. With distrustful eyes I watched him leave and close the door behind him. It was quiet for a long time. Too quiet. He was listening just outside the door, but eventually he left with barely audible footfalls. "He gives me the creeps." I shuddered violently. "You should get used to it." "No," I asserted. "I shouldn't. You shouldn't have either." "You should show some gratitude. He is taking care of you. And if you had a smidgen of ambition he would finance your further education as well." I took notice of his bitter tone. I frowned at the back of his head. "That pisses you off, doesn't it?" He looked over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow. "What do you mean?" "It pisses you off that he is giving me food and shelter and pays for schooling without having me pay the same price as you." He snorted and turned around. "You are delusional if you think he is even remotely interested in you." I should be relieved to hear that, but for some reason it rubbed me the wrong way. "Why? Wouldn't I be good enough?" He sighed impatiently. "You are too old for him, just like me." "Right. But admit it, it pisses you off." For a while he didn't respond until he swiveled around in the desk chair to look at me with dead eyes. "Honestly, I'm not sure that he won't make you pay, in some way. Just because he hasn't demanded anything in return yet, doesn't mean he won't in the future." I stared at him, my heart thudding painfully in my chest. I wasn't sure if he was giving me a genuine warning or if he was saying those things to frighten me and to get me riled up. I still remembered Cameron telling me he could take me to go fishing someday. It had been a clear threat. But how could Heero say I was too old for him yet at the same time imply that I would have to pay for my current life of 'luxury'? "Heero, what happens on those fishing trips?" His expression was unreadable but that frightened me no less. "Let's hope you will never have to find out." He turned around and continued working on the report, brushing off the incredibly disturbing topic of discussion with ease. "I want to come with you next time. You need to make that happen, when the time comes." He shot an appropriately doubtful look over his shoulder, not understanding why I would insist on tagging along. "I'm pretty sure that if I'm there with you, he won't dare to do anything. He knows he hasn't got me completely under his thumb yet." "Yet," He emphasized dryly. "I'm coming with you next time," I decided. "Don't hold your breath. We only head out there twice a year and last time was the second time. We won't go again until spring." "What? Winter isn't a good time for 'fishing'?" He didn't reply, instead he focused his attention on his work. I kept pressing though. It felt a little like twenty-questions, but as scared as I was of the truth, I needed to know, so I didn't shy away from actively pursuing answers. "So he has like a cabin or something?" I could hear my 'brother' grumbling under his breath, but he amused me, if only because I had previously asserted some power over him with my threat to tell Cameron everything. It was not a method I enjoyed relying on, I hated myself for it in fact, but it was the only way to force him to interact with me and to be honest - although not very forthcoming - with me. "He owns a cabin upstate." "Is it remote?" "Remote but accessible." "What's it like?" "Cabin-y." I made a face at his less-than-eloquent and characteristically antagonist reply. "Big? Small? Moose head mounted on the wall?" "No." I sighed. "No, what?" "It's a stag." "Oh, fuck this." I threw my hands up in defeat. "Why won't you just tell me?" Monotonously he shot off: "Because I know you will never understand. And anything I tell you, you might just use against me." My heart sank. I hated that he didn't trust me and that I had made it so. Although sometimes I did agree with the saying that the end justifies the means, these 'means' seemed to be taking me in a different direction than what was my intention and who knew where we would 'end' up? "I'm sorry." "You're not sorry." "I am sorry!," I gritted through my teeth angrily. "I'm sorry you are such a cold asshole that I have to be a cold asshole as well to get through to you!" That didn't come out like the sincere apology I had meant to offer. "You are not sorry. And you shouldn't be. You shouldn't have to apologize for being a 'cold asshole'. Being cold is what is going to get you through life." "Well, excuse me, but I prefer to be in the lukewarm range." "Fine," He sneered. Clearly he believed I was setting myself up for failure in life, but I could hardly be insulted by Heero not approving of my lifestyle. I should consider myself perfectly fine if I ended up living my life as a complete opposite to Heero's chosen path. I just wished I could make him realize he had other options; he didn't have to go through life letting other people abuse him and shutting off so he could take it. "Do you want to go do something tomorrow, after school?" I casually inquired, hoping to change the tense atmosphere between us. "Homework?" I made a face, but he wasn't even looking at me. "No. Something fun." "You mean something useless?" I shrugged and innocently argued: "Well, granted, most of the time doing something fun doesn't really amount to anything you can put on your résumé. You won't end up fluent in Chinese or with a degree in astrophysics, but it's not 'useless' in the sense that it is a waste of your time." "How can something possibly not be a waste if you don't get anything in return?" I smirked, at least I had managed to engage him. "You do get something in return; stress-relief, a good mood, improved physical fitness - if we play ball or something..." "I'm not stressed, I prefer my emotional character to be leveled, not oscillating between positive and negative and I've never had any complaints regarding my physical fitness." Rubbing my temples I fought the deplorable vision of Heero in the tight clothes I had selected for him, imagining the kind of 'physical fitness' underneath. I shouldn't be thinking of him like that! "Look, okay, the fitness thing... fine... But you can't convince me that you do not have a serious need for a good laugh. You remind me of those feral children that have grown up in darkness and silence who lost the ability to smile or express emotion." "God willing I will achieve that level of indifference." I started to laugh, even though his comment was deeply saddening. His dry tone and the unbelievable nature of the remark somehow made it sound like a sarcastic joke. And who knew? I liked to believe in the possibility. Heero looked over his shoulder, completely bewildered. "Why are you laughing?" "You just made a joke." His brows furrowed. "No. I didn't." "You 'totes' did, bru!" His befuddlement was amusing. "I have no idea what you just said. But I know what I said and it was not a joke. I do not joke." I kept laughing, his expression - teetering on a tightrope, swaying between anger and puzzlement - was priceless. He huffed indignantly and turned back to his laptop. "Look, whether you like it or not, we are going to do something useless tomorrow." "Fine! Just please let me finish this!" Mission accomplished, I thought proudly. Thankfully it appeared he was susceptible to more than threats, I could also pester him into agreeing with me. The method wouldn't be any more pleasant for him but at least it was less immoral. Since I had made it so I was the one in charge in the uneasy relationship I had little trouble convincing Heero to come see a movie with me after school. It was like training your dog, although I was reluctant to draw the comparison, but it seemed like now that I had established myself as the dominant one, Heero submitted to my lead - grudgingly, but still. He had figured the pointlessness of arguing with me and he was not the type of guy to engage in anything pointless. Heero was purposeful in everything he did; every word he spoke, every movement he made. It was another hurdle we would have to overcome if I ever wanted us to be closer, or any kind of approximation of 'brotherly', because I liked being quite wasteful with my time and efforts, rambling on incessantly and always doodling ugly figurines and shapes in the corners of my notebook or - in the absence of an empty square inch of paper - on the back of my hand. "Did you let Tabytha know we would be home late?" He wondered dutifully as he followed me through the local shopping center to the movie theater that was just on the other side. "Nope." I could imagine the displeased face he was making. Tabytha wasn't very strict as far as rules were concerned, but Cameron's wish was command in the household and the rule was that we had to tell Tabytha of all our comings and goings. I had a problem with authority to begin with, but I always did my best to follow the rules when they were laid down by my mother, because I knew those rules were made with my wellbeing in mind. Cameron's rules, however, were only there to keep tabs on us, to keep us under his thumb and considering why he liked to keep a short leash, I had no qualms breaking his rules, in fact, I felt morally compelled to rebel against him. After a lengthy, contemplative silence Heero informed me: "If we don't let Tabytha know where we are she is going to call Cameron." "So?" I looked over my shoulder with a cheeky grin and saw him biting the inside of his cheek. "Don't worry about it. In fact, give me your cellphone." When he refused I insisted and he handed it over with a roll of his eyes. I switched both our cellphones to airplane mode and slipped them into my jeans' pocket. "You're going to get us in trouble." "He'll yell at us a little over dinner tonight. Better to ask forgiveness than permission." Casually brushing off the issue I asked him what kind of movie he was in the mood for. He shrugged his shoulders. "Do you like action? Or horror? No, let me guess: you're the romantic-comedy-type!" I slowed my pace to walk next to him, studying his features without much result. "This big, epic action-adventure movie just came out, would you like to see something like that?" "I don't care." "Come on! What are you in the mood for?" I elbowed him in his side, but touching him - even so platonically - was a big mistake. Heero stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me with wild eyes while he caught everyone's attention screaming at me: "I'm not in the mood for any of this, okay!" I tried to shush him, I was worried he would alarm the bystanders and I would get tackled by a mall cop who got the entirely wrong impression of this little spat. "Let's not pretend any of this is for my benefit! You're being selfish and onerous! We should go back!" "Would you quiet down before the SWAT's bust in through the sky window and I get neutralized?" I hissed. He snorted disdainfully and narrowed his eyes at me. "You always think you're so funny." "I'm only trying to lighten the atmosphere between us." "Fine. I don't care. Just pick a goddamn movie and we'll go see that." He started towards the entry of the movie theaters. I had gotten some money from Tabytha the previous week to buy school supplies and she gave me much more than I needed, but rather than giving it back to her like a little boy scout, I had kept the rest of the money and I used it to buy us two tickets to that overhyped movie and the biggest size of buttered popcorn I could afford with the little bit of change that was left. It was clear I had to mind my step around him, but I didn't want things to become even more awkward between us, so I pretended he didn't just express how much he loathed being in my company and made irrelevant, neutral remarks about the décor as we made our way through the building and took our seats in an empty sea of red chairs. "Do you like these seats? Or do you want us to sit a couple more rows back?" "It really doesn't matter," He replied gruffly. "Nah, these are good seats. These are great seats. Oh, look! Cup holders!" "We don't even have drinks," He helpfully reminded me. "Still though, these are some class-A seats, nothing I'm used to. When my mom and I went to the movies - you know, when the planets aligned and we had some cash to spare - we went to these rundown places because they were the cheapest and this one place; the seats creaked and the stuffing came out of them and this kid-" "I really don't care." "Right." I bit the inside of my cheek, searching for any excuse to keep the 'conversation' going, anything was better than the uneasy silence. "I really wish we had money left for some drinks." "I'm not thirsty." "You will be once you dive into these," I angled the popcorn towards him. The corners of his mouth titled down ever so slightly, nearly imperceptibly. "I don't snack." I made an appropriately incredulous face at him. "What?" "I only eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don't snack," He clarified. "That's crazy!" "I've just never really been interested in food. It is purely a supplement that my body requires. I don't derive any pleasure from the taste of it." My first instinct was the poke fun at him, but in the context of his abuse-filled life, the revelation was deeply saddening. Did nothing give him joy? Did he have nothing in his life aside from the abuse, the restrictions and the obsessive focus on a 'better future'? I tried to make light of it and jested: "Don't tell me you are going to make me finish this thing all by myself." "I wouldn't like it anyway." "You don't even like popcorn?" "I don't know, I don't snack. But I don't enjoy any kind of food, so why would this be different?" My brows furrowed. "But... are you telling me you've never tried popcorn? Not ever, in your entire life? You're a popcorn-virgin?" I cringed as I realized how awkward my last observation was given his sexual experiences. Heero didn't seem to notice and instead just nodded. "So, you don't really know for sure you won't like it." "It's simple logic." I ignored his retort and continued: "What else have you never tried?" He didn't respond. "Skittles? Snickers? Twinkies?" He shrugged and looked ahead at the screen even though there was nothing to be seen yet, the theater was still fully lit and soft music was playing in the background. "Well, right there is your problem. You should try some treats before you say shit like 'I don't like the taste of food'." I held the popcorn out to him, right under his nose which he scrunched up at the smell. "Take some." "I don't want to. I don't snack." "Take some. You know I'll just pester you until you do." He promptly scooped out a modest handful and glared at me. "Happy now?" I grinned. "Almost." After heaving a deep sigh he took one piece into his mouth and chewed it demonstratively. "And?" "It's nothing special." I was about to encourage him to eat more when the light suddenly dimmed and the first of the string of trailers started, drawing my attention. But right before the movie started I noticed in the light of a bright-onscreen explosion that he had finished his handful. Momentarily I admired the profile of his face as he focused up ahead. I placed the popcorn on the armrest between us - he was leaning far away enough to leave plenty of space between us. He didn't take more but I didn't force him. I was content to take things one step at a time, or even the smallest inch forward. I was enjoying the movie in spite of Heero sighing next to me whenever the main action hero defied the laws of physics, but about an hour in I was suddenly blinded by a bright light. Someone had approached us and had come to stand right beside us without me noticing and shone a bright flashlight right in my face. I squinted to protect my eyes, I could see nothing but the light and in my peripheral vision the indiscriminate movements on the silver screen. "Heero Maxwell? Duo Maxwell?" A deep voice inquired. I raised my hand but could still not see whoever it was holding the flashlight. "Yeah?" I turned my head to the side when I heard Heero getting up from his seat with a sigh. The man commanded: "Exit the theater. Right now." I got up and followed Heero. The man was right behind me. Once we were outside in the lit hallway I turned around with an angry expression, getting ready to yell at the theater employee, but the rude comments I had been preparing were stifled by the sight of the man's uniform, and the uniform of his partner walking up to us. "Uh, is something wrong, police officer?" His expression was one of unbridled annoyance. "Why did neither of you two answer your cellphones?" I fished them out of my pocket. "I switched them to airplane mode so as not to disturb the other movie goers. It's very disruptive when someone ringtone goes off during a suspenseful action sequence." The officers were amused nor impressed by my 'clever' quip. "I'm sorry, officer, but what's going on? Is something wrong?" I found myself hoping they had come to inform us of the tragic - and gruesome - death of our 'beloved' father, but of course, no such luck. "Your parents were worried something had happened when you didn't come home. Your father called us to make sure everything was alright. Luckily we were able to find you quickly thanks to the GPS in your cellphones." I suppressed the disturbed expression that threatened to appear on my face. "Yes, luckily. Well, can you tell them we're fine so we can head back in and catch the end of our movie?" "I think it will be better if we take you boys home." He placed his hand on my shoulder and escorted me towards the exit. The other remained by Heero's side, who made it very clear he did not want to be touched. We were taken outside and put in the back of their squad car, like we were goddamned criminals! On our way back, the officer in the passenger seat placed a brief call to the house to let Tabytha know they were taking us home. I was very angry and tense, it radiated from my body, whereas Heero was remarkably calm, leading me to suspect he knew what was going to happen the moment I took his cellphone from him. Sly little asshole, I thought to myself. We arrived at the house and Heero wasted no time going up to his room. Tabytha thanked the police officers for their help, her impersonation of a concerned mother was quite convincing, although she was a little more flirtatious with the broad-shouldered men than was appropriate for her act. They didn't say much, only a few brief words and curt nods and then they were off again. I was waiting in the hallway. As soon as Tabytha closed the front door I got up from the seat I had taken on the bottom step of the staircase and confronted her. I could not hide my anger. "What in God's name was that all about?" "You were supposed to be home at three thirty!" I glanced at my cheap, plastic watch. It was a quarter to six. "So you send the cops after us? And how long did you even wait, because they found us pretty fucking quickly." She raised a warning finger in the air. "Mind your language, young man!" She tried to evade the discussion by heading into the kitchen to continue dinner preparations. I followed her with big strides. "We're a little late and you immediately set up some kind of search-and-rescue effort?" "Look, Duo, I called both of you and you didn't answer!" "So you called the cops?" "So I called Cameron," She shot back. I scoffed. "Of course. Because you don't even care where we are or what we do, but Cameron has to know everything. It's not normal." "He is simply being protective of Heero," She defended her husband, "He always has been." "Yeah, but he protects him as his property, not as his son." She waved a spatula at him and spilled mushroom sauce everywhere. "That is not fair. He is a very caring father." I frowned at her. "How can you not know what's going on?" "What are you talking about?" I shook my head. "Forget it. I'm done." "You're damn right you are. Go up to your room! I don't want to see you until dinner!" "Fine!" I stomped off. I spent an hour pacing back and forth in my room, wearing down the carpet. Things were even worse than I had imagined. Cameron was holding the reigns very tightly and Tabytha would not be an ally. Whether or not she really was unaware of what was happening right underneath her nose didn't even seem to matter at that point, she wouldn't stand up to her husband no matter what. She was a 'kept' woman who was kept in her place. On top of that, Heero's warning of Cameron's connections to the police force was not more bark than bite. For him to be able to get two officers to track down his sons using the GPS in their cellphones after being 'missing' for less than two hours took some serious clout and alluded to further obstacles I would run into in the future, if I managed to talk Heero into leaving this House o' Horrors with me. And that was a big 'if'. When I was called downstairs for dinner I dragged my feet, dreading the confrontation with Cameron, Tabytha and Heero, who would all gang up on me. By the time I arrived in the dining room the three of them were already seated. When I sat down Cameron gave a quiet nod by way of giving us permission to eat. We started our dinner and Tabytha started her usual, mundane rambling. Cameron nodded along as he always did, pretending to be listening. Tabytha probably knew he wasn't paying attention and most likely she didn't care. Heero was as quiet and distant as he always was, eating slowly and making faces at his meal. Were they seriously not going to say anything about what happened that day? I looked at all of them with wide, confused eyes, but was ignored by everyone. I was thoroughly creeped out by their attitude. I barely managed to take a couple of bites, my appetite was non-existent, but no one commented on it, not even as Tabytha started clearing the table and we were excused. In a daze I went back to my room. I didn't know what to think of what had happened, whether I should be relieved or more concerned. I turned around to close my bedroom door behind me and yelped when I finally noticed Cameron had followed me upstairs. I stepped back in fear as he stepped inside my room and firmly closed the door. "I didn't want to say anything over dinner," He started, his tone was polite, yet strangely intimidating. "But obviously we have something to discuss." "Discuss?" He smiled and it gave me the shivers. "More like; I talk, you listen and do as I say." I tried to appear nonchalant while working to swallow the lump in my throat. He scared me, I was no longer ashamed to admit that. I think it was sensible of me to fear him. "You will never take Heero anywhere, ever again, not without my permission beforehand. You will never go anywhere by yourself without my permission either. Have I made myself understood?" "We just went to the movies," I tried in vain, managing a crooked smile. "I don't care where you went!" He suddenly bellowed. "You can't just do whatever you please, there are rules! I don't like you spending this much time with Heero anyway. You will corrupt him." I snorted. "Corrupt him? You're just jealous." "I am in charge," He asserted, taking a step closer. "I determine what goes on in this household and what the members of this family do when they leave this house. You will go to school and then you will come straight home, that is it." "You can't control us like this, it's not fair!" "I don't need to be fair," He stated definitely. "I provide you with a roof over your head, food on your plate and every piece of shit you call yours, so you do as I say. Heero understands this. Tabytha understands this. You will too." With a smirk he turned around and left, the door closed softly behind him. I realized I was trembling and my legs felt unsteady. I stepped backwards until I reached the bed and slowly sat down. I stared at the door in fright, I was worried it would slam open again and he would come inside and make me 'understand'. I locked the door and I pushed the cabinet in front of it, going slowly so as not to make too much noise. Rationally, I didn't think he would hurt me, or abuse me. Not yet. And maybe not ever. I suspected he wouldn't take the risk. He could do whatever he wanted to Heero and Tabytha, they were fully cocooned by the web of his lies, manipulation and intimidation. They couldn't speak and they couldn't move and that was so normal for them that they accepted it. He must have known I would struggle and give him a hard time, he wouldn't want to cause trouble like that, he wouldn't want to upset the delicate order he had worked for years to obtain. His caution would protect me, for a while at least. But it wasn't about what Cameron did or did not want, I was going to make sure everything would come crashing down on top of him and he would be left to suffocate under the weight of the debris. I would figure out a way. It was time Cameron would get fucked. I got the photo-album out of the locked drawer of my desk and stared at a few pictures of my mother to empower myself. On her deathbed she begged me not to let them take me to my father, she begged me to do everything in my power to stay as far away from him as possible, to stay safe. But I was certain she would have felt differently if she had known Cameron had cast a replacement in my absence and Heero was starring in the tragedy that would have been my life if not for her. She would have wanted me to protect him - Hell, I dared to bet she would have come back for him herself, had she known - so I was determined. The book was safely stashed away and I took a shower before going to bed. I lay on my back, holding the sheets up to my chin. I was like a child, scared of the ghosts in the closet and the monsters under the bed. I thought of Heero. He may have found strength in his impassiveness as he grew older, but at one point he actually was a scared little boy. Unlike so many other boys he wasn't afraid of the imaginary monster under his bed, he had to fear an actual monster in his bed. And I could still see him standing in the bathroom of our hotel room, his legs bare and rivulets of blood running down the inside of his thighs. Slowly I started to sink away into Morpheus' world, still thinking about that night. I walked into the bathroom after Heero had let me in. He was only wearing his white button-up blouse and I could see his black underwear peak out from under the white material. My eyes traveled down his golden thighs and shapely calves. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?" "I'm going to take a shower." Suddenly I heard the shower running and I noticed the space was fogged up with hot steam. Wait, what? Heero walked past me. He was naked now. I turned my head, I didn't want to look, I didn't want to invade his privacy like that, but I saw his nude reflection in the mirror anyway. I frowned. The mirror? That's not right. Heero stepped under the hot spray of water but didn't close the shower curtain. I kept staring at the reflection, distantly wondering why the mirror wasn't fogging up, it was practically a sauna in there! I watched his thin, elegant body move as he washed himself, although I wasn't really seeing anything in particular; just a suggestion of skin and limbs and a mop of hair. Embarrassed I shifted my gaze and caught sight of my own reflection in the mirror... I was Cameron! I shot up straight in bed, kicking away the sheets as my body broke out in a cold sweat. My breaths came out ragged and fast. "I'm not like him! I'm not like him!" I twisted my fingers into my hair so tightly it hurt. Why was I dreaming of Heero like that?
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