"Wish Upon a Star "

Written By: Waterliliylf

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. All rights remain with Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. No profit being made here.

Rating: R

Warnings: sap, angst, fluff, AU

Pairings: 3x4

Summary: When you wish upon a star, it makes no difference who you are, unless you're the heir to the Winner business empire. So when you do find a means of escape, how long can you hold on to the fantasy, and the man of your dreams, before reality takes over?

Note: Huge thanks as always, to the wonderful Kaeru Shisho, for liking the original idea, and then got lumbered with another epic to edit, and to Wolfje for the positive comments and the distractions (without which I'd have finished this days ago…)

"Wish Upon a Star "

 

Endings and Beginnings:

He ordered a beer in Stardust, simply because a man sitting at a bar without a drink would attract too much attention. Holding the glass gave him something to do. The beer was the same imported Belgian brand he'd drunk the last time.

Everything else was different though.

He hadn't bothered dressing up too much, not wanting to stand out. Just nice jeans and a t-shirt, with his hair gelled. He'd looked at himself in Duo's bathroom mirror before leaving, and he looked nothing like the young man in the tailored suit who'd spoken at the press conference on L4.

He got a couple of second glances, and one or two approving nods, so maybe he was still slightly recognisable, but no one said anything.

No one at all.

He called Duo shortly after one, after the barman had called last orders and people had begun to leave.

'Well?' his friend demanded. 'What's happening?'

'Nothing. Nothing at all. He's not coming, Duo. They'll be closing up in a minute. I might as well come back.'

'You're just giving up?'

'Of course not! But this was a stupid idea. He probably turned off his TV the minute he saw me on it. He knows I'm back in Sanque. Maybe I should just let him decide whether he wants to see me and when. Maybe I shouldn't have tried forcing his hand like this. He's obviously not ready and maybe he never will be.'

Duo, on the other end of the line, was silent for once.

'What?' Quatre demanded.

'Maybe nothing. But Middie called me a while ago and she said he was …different today. Not so depressed about everything. She caught him smiling to himself a couple of times. Like he was excited about something.'

'He's probably met someone else. Someone who hasn't lied to him.'

Duo snorted. 'Someone who's not the love of his life, and who hasn't given up a fortune to be with him. Yeah, right. I really doubt that. Cat, listen. You're sure he would have understood that message you left for him? It was romantic and all, but it was kind of vague.'

'I don't know. I think so. It's not like I've been going around making wishes non-stop for the past few weeks or I …OH!'

'What?'

'I'm so stupid! I never even thought of that, but of course that's where he is. Duo, I have to go!'

'Wait!' his friend wailed down the phone. 'Have to go where? Where is he?'

'I'll call you.' Quatre slid the phone into his jacket pocket as he dashed out of the club and flung himself into the car Rashid had hired.

'Where are we going, Master Quatre?'

'I'm not sure,' Quatre confessed. 'It's a beach, on the way to a place called Prospect Point. I think I'll know it when I see it. I think it's about an hour from the city. Trowa's car should be there, I hope. Rashid, can you please hurry?'

He was there.

The green Volvo was the only car in sight, just where Trowa had parked it the last time.

He was there.

Rashid got out of the car with him, peering dubiously at the steep track that led to the beach. 'Master Quatre, you shouldn't go down there alone.

'I'll be all right. There's moonlight. And I'll call if I need you.' He couldn't help laughing at the big man's anxious expression. 'I'll be fine. I can't exactly go to a romantic assignation trailing bodyguards behind me.'

'Call us if you need anything,' Auda rumbled, stepping out of the car to stand beside Rashid and handing him a small torch. 'Good luck.'

'Thanks.' Quatre gave them a little wave and headed carefully down the path, trying to concentrate on not falling, and on remembering to breathe. His heart was hammering in time with the waves booming into shore.

He knew exactly where Trowa would be, and of course he was. The far end of the beach, under the cliffs. Where they'd first made love. Getting there, in near darkness, with only the faint beam of the torch was a challenge. He slipped on a couple of patches of seaweed, and one leg was soaked to the knee after a sudden plunge into a rock pool. It was freezing too; far too cold for his light linen jacket and t-shirt.

Trowa had been sitting on a rock, and slowly got up when Quatre stood in front of him.

'Hello, Trowa.' He said it through chattering teeth, hoping the words even made sense.

'God, you're freezing.'

'Yes,' Quatre agreed stupidly, and then found himself wrapped in Trowa's coat and Trowa's arms. 'That's better. I love you, I'm sorry.' His teeth couldn't stop chattering; he hoped Trowa could understand a word he was saying. 'Thank you.' Quatre whispered, pressing as close as humanly possible to the other man. 'Thank you so much for coming.'

It was all right. Everything was all right because Trowa was there. Heart singing, Quatre reached up to kiss him, and abruptly Trowa let him go.

'I'm sorry,' Quatre whispered, crimson. Idiot. Of course they needed to talk first. He couldn't just fall into Trowa's arms and expect everything to be perfect.

'You'd better take this before you get pneumonia.' Trowa slid his coat around Quatre's shoulders. 'You want to take a walk?'

'Thank you. Yes. OK.' Quatre buttoned the coat around him tightly, soaking up Trowa's warmth, as they headed down the beach.

'So,' Trowa said finally. 'Big step. How's it feel?'

'Terrifying. Truly terrifying. I don't think it's really sunk in yet, to be honest.' Ouch. Bad word choice.

'A lot to give up,' Trowa said tonelessly.

'I suppose so. I'll miss my family most, I think. They drive me insane most of the time, but I'm used to them being around. My father's planning to visit Sanque as soon as his doctors say it's safe for him to travel. He's going to stay here for a couple of weeks, so I can show him around, and then he's asked me to go on a trip with him. Maybe Italy or France for a week. Or Spain. He's never been to Earth before so he's really excited.' He bit his lip to stop any more babble. Trowa would hardly care about any of that.

'That'll be nice for you.'

'It will, yes. Ah, I suppose you heard what I'm planning to do. My new job.'

Trowa nodded. 'Are you seriously planning to move in with Duo?'

'Oh, no! That was just for a night or two. Heero's rented a house for six months; it's got two bedrooms and he said I can share with him if I like. I've said I'll think about it.'

'So you get to have your normal life after all. That was all you ever really wanted, wasn't it?'

'You know it wasn't.' He grabbed Trowa's hand suddenly, pulling him to a stop. 'You know that. And you're here. Doesn't that mean anything?'

'We needed to talk about stuff.' Trowa jerked his hand free. 'I'd rather you didn't do that. There are a few things I need to sort out. First, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with Duo trying to convince me we're star-crossed lovers or some crap like that. I'd really appreciate if you could get him to back off a bit.'

'Oh! I'm sorry. I never meant…Trowa, I never asked him to get involved with any of this. Really.'

'Really?' Sarcasm laced viciously through his voice. 'So you haven't been calling him a dozen times a day? You didn't rush off to stay with him the minute you arrived back in Sanque? Thanks for that, by the way, Quatre. It's nice knowing you're making my friend, who also happens to work for me, take sides in all of this.'

'It wasn't like that! I rang him because I was worried about you. It was the only way I could have some idea how you were. And I only stayed with him so I could talk about you. I know it sounds stupid, but it's true.'

Trowa, rather miraculously, didn't make any cracks about Quatre's notions of truth. 'Right. I'll talk to Duo. I'll tell him we're over, and I'd appreciate him letting it go. It would help if you could stop trying to make him play Cupid for the two of us. Since you're apparently his new best friend, and a friend of Heero's, I suppose we're going to end up meeting every so often. For their sakes, I suppose we can manage to be civil to one another.'

'Is that what you want? For us just to behave like polite strangers whenever we meet?'

'No, Quatre.' Trowa's voice was very low, dark and cold as the waves thundering against the rocks. 'Actually, that's not what I want at all. 'What I want, is for you to get out of my life, but that's not an option, is it? Since you've decided you want to come and live in my city, and play at being a regular person and God forbid Quatre Winner doesn't get exactly what he wants.'

'Fine. I'll leave.' That was it then. It had always been a possibility; just one he'd tried very hard not to think about.

'That's it?'

'Of course.' Quatre canted his head slightly, gazing into Trowa's eyes. 'I just wanted to see you, one last time. I wanted to try to explain, and to tell you how very sorry I am. But I can quite see how it's going to be awkward for you if I'm living here. I never actually thought about that, but you're perfectly right.'

'What did you think was going to happen, Quatre? That we could just fall into one another's arms because you made one grand gesture?'

'No. I didn't think that. Well, I did, but I knew it was just a stupid fantasy. The grand gesture, as you call it….I just wanted to show you I'd meant what I said about none of it being important to me. Not compared to being with you.'

'So what's the back-up plan?'

'No back-up plan. Not this time. I have no idea.' He shrugged. 'Take the first flight tomorrow out of Sanque to anywhere, maybe? See where I end up. It doesn't matter.'

'I didn't mean you had to leave straightaway.'

'There's no point in staying though, is there?' He could feel the tears starting to prick behind his eyes. This was it then. At least he'd tried. Too late. 'I'll talk to Duo. I'll try to get him to stop bothering you. Trowa, I really, really hope everything works out for you. I hope you meet someone who'll realise how amazing you and who'll make you happy. Please, if you do meet someone, give him a chance. Not everyone's like me. I hope you'll find the right person. And I hope you'll get your book published one day.'

'Oh!' Trowa was suddenly smiling faintly. 'About the book. I got a letter from a publisher this afternoon. They want a few changes, but they're interested. I haven't even told Duo yet.'

Quatre forced himself to smile back. Of course. That was why he'd been happy in work earlier. Nothing to do with Quatre at all. 'That's wonderful. Congratulations.'

'Yeah.' Trowa hitched one shoulder. 'I always thought it was the one thing I really wanted. Doesn't mean a lot now, though.'

'Well, it should,' Quatre told him firmly. 'It's amazing. I'll definitely buy a copy when it comes out.' He forced himself to smile. 'I hope it's a best-seller. Um, this probably doesn't mean very much right now, but thank you for everything.' He half-lifted one hand and dropped it. Trowa had already said he didn't want to be touched.

This was it.

Just walk away, Winner.

'Right. Good bye, then.'

'I'll walk up to the road with you, if you want. It's dark; you'll only end up falling in the sea or something.'

'Thank you. I've already fallen in a rock pool, getting here.'

'I can imagine. Why the hell did you pick this place? I thought you'd changed your mind and weren't coming at all.'

Quatre, suddenly, didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He wasn't sure if the wetness on his cheeks was from tears or sea spray. 'I didn't pick this place at all. I was at Stardust. Where I first met you.'

'What the fuck did you go there for?'

'It was the place we met! And we sat on the terrace and looked at the stars.'

'Shit. Cat, I never even thought of there. How the hell did you expect me to understand something that obscure? I assumed you'd meant here. You said on TV that you were going back to some place you'd made a wish that came true, and this was where we had sex the first time, and you told me who you were and….' His voice trailed off into silence.

'I should have told you all of it then,' Quatre whispered. 'I wish I had. You have no idea how much.'

'Another wish,' Trowa said wryly.

'One that can't come true.' He stopped, looking out to sea. With the moon hidden behind a cloud, it was almost black. Trowa walked on a few steps and then swung back to stand beside him.

'Trowa, I'm not trying to excuse how I behaved to you, but I've spent my whole life keeping secrets; that I'm gay, that I never really wanted to take over WEI, that I never thought I was good enough. I've always been terrified that people would find out who I really was. I'm not used to being able to be honest with people. I'm not sure I know how.'

'Try.'

Just the one syllable, very low. It was something. At least, Trowa was willing to listen.

Quatre pulled the coat more tightly around his shoulders, searching for the right words. 'I've spent my whole life trying to live up to what people expect of me,' he said finally. 'When I was very young, maybe four or five, I remember eavesdropping on two of my sisters. I knew I wasn't supposed to do that, but all my sisters used to sneak around and try to find out each other's secrets, and it was fun, hiding and hearing things I wasn't meant to.'

'You must have been a total brat.' Trowa's voice was oddly affectionate.

'I suppose I was, but I was lonely, most of the time. They were all older than I was, and they treated me like a baby. Anyway. It was the day before Annabelle's twelfth birthday and she was crying because Mother wasn't there to come to her party. She said it was my fault that Mother wasn't there, and she hated me. I didn't really understand about death, and I thought she meant I'd done something awful and that was why Mother had left.'

He hadn't actually realised he was crying again until Trowa wiped a hand across his face.

'It sounds a bit silly now, but I thought…I thought it meant that if you weren't perfect, then people would leave you. The people who were supposed to love you and care for you. So the only way to make them stay was to be perfect. I've never really thought about that for years, you know, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I can still remember it exactly. I was in Bella's wardrobe, and she had so many lovely silk dresses. I used to like hiding in there. And I thought I had to be such a horrible boy if I'd made my own mother leave and my sister hated me like that.'

'You never told anyone?' Trowa demanded.

'I'm telling you, now. No, never anyone else. Oh, thank you.' He took the tissue Trowa handed him and scrubbed his eyes. 'Sorry. Actually, I did talk about a little of this to my father, when I got home. It's odd. I thought he'd be so furious about all of this, that he'd end up disowning me or something, but he didn't. I think we're starting to become friends, almost.'

'That's one good thing that came out of all this, then.' His voice had softened a bit, during Quatre's recital.

'Yes.' The tissue was useless, soggy already.

'God, you're a mess, Winner.'

'I know.' It didn't, suddenly, matter all that much, because Trowa had taken him in a rough hug. 'Please, don't let me go. Please.'

Trowa's lips touched the top of his head. 'I've been fucking trying to let go of you for days, and I can't seem to manage it.'

'Good,' Quatre said idiotically. 'Please don't.'

'OK. I won't. Now, tell me about Relena and this engagement of yours.'

'Oh.' Quatre picked at the woollen sleeve of Trowa's sweater. 'Trowa, ever since I was seventeen or so, I've been expected to escort girls to parties and functions. To prove how normal I was. When Iria suggested actually getting engaged, it didn't seem all that different. Yes, I do know that sounds insane,' he added wryly.

'She came up with the idea just after Jordan had written to me the first time. She was furious with me, for how I'd behaved and let the family down, and could cause a huge scandal. I think I'd have agreed to anything, just to stop her yelling at me. It was never actually something that seemed real, if that makes any sense. Just another performance. I don't know if I'd ever really have gone through with it. Before I met you, that first night, I was pretty sure it would never happen. And 'Lena didn't want to marry me either, not really. Iria just convinced her she'd be doing a wonderful thing for her country. And once I met you, I knew for certain I could never be with anyone else. Honestly, Trowa, the reason I never told you is because it was never real. I swear. On my life.'

Trowa's arms tightened around him. 'I sort of over-reacted, maybe.'

'And I totally understand why,' Quatre said quickly. 'Totally.'

'Yeah. What's happening with that Jordan guy? Did you sort that out?'

'Yes. Last week. I did what you said, and what my lawyers had told me not to do. I called him. It was…odd. Like talking to a stranger, almost, at first. But I think we sorted some things out. He said he partly did it because his new boyfriend convinced him that it would be good for me in the long run, to have to accept who I was, and good for all gays on L4 to have, I don't know, a role model or something. It was never really about the money. Anyway, I think most people know about me by now, so it's not all that important any more.'

'He's still a friend?'

'Not any more. He could have ruined my whole life. I don't think I can past that, whatever his motives were.'

Trowa nodded. 'You didn't deserve to be treated like that.'

'Well, it's over now.' He tucked his face into the curve of Trowa's shoulder. 'What are we going to do?'

'What you need is to go home and get dried off.' Trowa didn't let him go, though. 'Do you have a car? Tell me you didn't pull some stunt like hitching out here by yourself.'

'No. Rashid and Auda are with the car. I really need to learn how to drive.'

'There's a thing we have in Sanque called public transport,' Trowa suggested.

'Yes, I do know about that. Duo and I took the tram into the city centre this morning. It was fun although it's a bit awkward that the driver doesn't take credit cards and you have to have the right money.'

Trowa, rather helplessly, started to laugh. 'You really have no clue about how regular people live, do you?'

'I can learn! I was on the tram, and I'd love to ride on the top of a bus and look out the windows and maybe go a train. Duo took me to a supermarket and that was fun too. So confusing though. And the assistants weren't at all helpful, even when I asked! You have to get everything off the shelves yourself and then push the trolley all the way around the floor.'

'Shit, I wish I'd seen that.' Trowa kissed him again, on the bridge of his nose this time. 'Cat, you're totally sure this is what you want? It's not going to be easy, you know.'

'I know. Well, I don't know really, but I can imagine. And I am learning how to do things. Heero showed me how to wash dishes last night although I wasn't very good at it. I expect I just need to practice.'

'I'm not just talking about stuff like that. I mean, us. You've thrown away everything for me. How the hell am I supposed to live up to that? What happens if you end up regretting it in a few months when the honeymoon's over?'

'I don't regret it now,' Quatre said sincerely. 'I haven't regretted it for one second, not since I first came up with the idea, and you can hardly say that's been a honeymoon! Really, all I've lost is a job I never wanted. It's going to be difficult not seeing my family all the time, but I can visit, and maybe persuade them to come to Sanque.'

'And the servants and all the rest your life of luxury?'

'I'm sure I'll manage. I was never very happy, you know. And I'm not exactly going to be poor. I still have a job, and I'll have a fairly good salary.'

'But no trips to the Caribbean?'

He was teasing, Quatre realised. It was all right. 'Oh, well, it's possible. I do have a bank account. We could still go, if you liked. Anyway, you're going to be a best-selling author soon. You could take me to the Bahamas or somewhere with your royalties.'

Trowa laughed. 'I'm not in J.K. Rowling's league just yet, so I wouldn't get too excited. Cat, honestly, what was your plan for tonight?'

'The fantasy, and I know it was silly, was that we'd just fall into each other's arms and live happily ever after. I don't think it's going to be like that, though, is it? Not after everything that's happened. I think we both need some time to get used to everything.'

'Yeah.' Trowa gave him a quick squeeze. 'You know, what Heero and Duo are doing, the dating thing, I'd sort of like to do that. For a while anyway. What would you think of that?'

'I think it's a wonderful idea. It's all been horribly rushed, hasn't it? But we don't have to rush things any more. Assuming you don't mind me staying in Sanque, of course?'

'I got used to having you around. I missed you. A lot. Even when I was trying to convince myself how much I hated you.'

'I missed you too.' He caught one of Trowa's hands, and linked their fingers together. 'Thank you.'

'My pleasure.'

'Mine too.' He squeezed Trowa's hand, heart soaring when Trowa returned the pressure. 'I think, maybe, we should get to know each other a little better, don't you? There's far too much I don't know about you. I didn't have a clue how to handle all of this; I know you told me you didn't want to see me again, but I didn't really know if you just needed some space, or if you really meant it, or if deep down you wanted me to come after you.'

'I meant it at the time,' Trowa said quietly. 'Then you were gone by the time I'd calmed down a little bit, and then I got angry all over again because you weren't there so I could yell at you.'

'Sorry.' Quatre snuggled as close as humanly possible. 'It was horrible timing, all of it.'

'Not that bad, how it's worked out. The two of us, alone, on a deserted, moonlit beach. Could be worse.'

'A freezing deserted moonlit beach,' Quatre corrected.

'I could warm you up if you're cold.'

'I thought you wanted us to do the dating thing.'

'And that automatically precludes sex?' Trowa pulled him into an embrace that left Quatre in no possible doubt that he would be let go any time soon. 'I'm sorry. I want to do things right this time. Just us. No bodyguards and no sneaking around and no fucking reporters.'

'And no beating up the people who tell the fucking reporters about us?' Quatre suggested slyly.

Trowa groaned. 'No, none of that either. I do get that I fucked up.'

'Me too,' Quatre agreed. 'Um, I mean I fucked up as well.'

'I don't think I've ever heard you swear this much before.'

'I don't think I ever have. Maybe it's because I'm happy.'

'Are you?' Trowa loosened his hold, just enough to tilt Quatre's head up and look at him.

'Absolutely.' It was true. He was shivering despite the too-big, borrowed coat, and he'd lost feeling in one foot and the other squelched when he walked but he was still happy. 'I really do love the idea of us dating properly, but I'm still more than happy to spend the rest of my life as your sex slave.'

Trowa laughed. 'Shit. You know, it would have been way simpler if you'd just said that at the start of this conversation.'

'Well, I'll know what to do next time we have a row.' One of Trowa's hands was resting lightly on the back of his neck, stroking little circles on the skin. 'I do love you, you know.'

'Yeah, I sort of figured that out. Hey! How am I supposed to say it back if you beat me up?'

Quatre let his hand drop. 'Do you?'

'I do. Totally and utterly. Now, we really should get you somewhere warm. You're shivering. We have got to get you some clothes that are actually suitable for this climate.' He grinned. 'And if those guards of yours are going to stick around, you'd better buy them something normal to wear.'

'They're not my bodyguards any more; just friends. They're going back to L4 in a couple of days. I don't actually have an entourage now. Just me.'

'You have me.'

'Thank you.' Oh, this was happiness; Trowa's hand had slid under his collar and his fingertips were moving gently downwards, sparking off little explosions of star-durst. Quatre arched into the touch, looking up at the sky. No stars; the moon was too bright. It didn't matter, not now. He'd got his wish.

And then Trowa kissed him, and there were stars after all

A dream is a wish your heart makes

when you're fast asleep.

In dreams you will lose your heartaches.

Whatever you wish for, you keep.

Have faith in your dreams,

and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through.

No matter how your heart is grieving,

if you keep on believing,

the dreams that you wish will come true.

-Cinderella

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...:~.*.~:... The End ...:~.*.~:...

 

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Chapter 35

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