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"Puppy Love"Written By: Waterliliylf Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. All rights
remain with Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. No profit being
made here. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: sap, angst, fluff, Alternating Trowa/Quatre
POV, AU Pairings: 3x4 get together, Background 1x2, 5x6
Summary: quatre gets a new puppy and has ot take
it to the vet. "Puppy Love" Trowa's POV: Chapter 25: OK. Rewind. I slammed the cabin door behind me and fought the urge to punch holes in it. What the hell had just happened out there? I'd thought everything had been going great. I'd shown him my favourite place in all the universe. I'd never taken any of my other boyfriends there. Admittedly, none of them would have been keen on hiking through a dark forest to take a dip in a muddy pool. Not when there was a fancy resort up the road with a thermal spa complex and room service and plasma TVs. But Quatre had loved it. He'd even lifted the sex embargo. Well, relaxed it; we still weren't quite Access All Areas. But that was OK. Way, way more than OK. He'd been a little hesitant at first, but once he got going he wasn't nearly so shy or inexperienced as I'd imagined. And he was gorgeous. Yeah, it wasn't like I hadn't planned the whole seduction scene; starlight and moonlight; wine, his favourite dessert, which I'd taken the trouble to find out from Duo, and then got up at five am to make for him. But I'd still left what would happen up to him; it wasn't like I'd pressured him. He'd made the first move; he'd been the one who decided we were going to share a bed. He'd fucking broken up with me, for no apparent reason that I could see, except some nonsense about love. I didn't get it. I'd been honest with him; I'd tried so hard to be understanding and patient, and I still obviously wasn't good enough for him. Well, screw that. Screw him. Yeah, bad choice of words. I'd done every bloody thing I could think of to make him feel comfortable and relaxed and special, and he still wanted more. Maybe he was right; maybe it wasn't going to work. I hadn't a clue what exactly he did want, except it didn't seem to be me. Fine. Let some other poor fool get sucked into Quatre Winner's tantrums and histrionics and good luck to him. I was in the act of reaching for my car keys when I realised I couldn't just abandon him here. Even if it was sort of tempting. I shouldn't really drive either; I'd had a couple of glasses of wine, and a good wedge of brandy-soaked tiramisu. Plus the park gates were shut; sure, I could wake up whoever was sleeping in the lodge, but then I'd have to find excuses for why I needed to leave. Damn. Stuck here. I was stuck here until the park gates opened at 6 am. With him. And he was going to catch hypothermia if he stayed out there much longer. 'Quatre.' I swung the door open; he was still sitting on the step, exactly the way he'd been. 'Come inside. It's freezing out here.' 'I'm fine.' He didn't bother to turn his head; his whole posture screaming go away. Another revelation; my sweet, yielding boyfriend - no, ex-boyfriend, apparently - could be as stubborn as a stone mule on a bad day. Serve him right if I just left him there. Instead, I fetched a sleeping bag from inside, and dropped it around his shoulders. 'Here. I think you might need this.' 'Thank you.' He still didn't look up, tucking the sleeping bag tightly around himself like a cocoon, but his voice had that raw edge to it that made me think that he'd been crying. I still hadn't a clue what this was all about. 'You were shivering.' I said down beside him, close enough that I could feel his body trembling. Damn, he'd been quivering in my arms not all that long ago, but for totally other reasons. 'It is cold,' he offered hesitantly. 'Thank you.' It was just bright enough to see his face, and that somehow melted away the cold core of anger I'd been feeling. How the hell did he do that? Two minutes ago, I'd have been happy never to see him again, to get him on the first available transport back to the city, and forget I'd ever met him. I still hadn't one freaking clue what I'd done, but something had genuinely upset him, and it had to have been me. Shit, Barton. Get up. Walk away. You don't need this. If I'd done something that pissed him off that much, he could have damn well just come out and told me, instead of throwing this stupid hissy fit. Fuck. It was too late just to walk off on him, wasn't it? He'd already managed to get under my skin. Instead, I shuffled just a little closer and took his hand. 'Yeah, it is. Quatre, I haven't the foggiest what I did but I never meant to upset you.' 'No. Like you said, you were being honest with me. It's probably for best that we finish this now, don't you think? We obviously don't want the same things from a relationship.' 'Why do you think that?' 'We're too different.' 'Is that such a bad thing? Opposites attract, right? And we've been doing OK.' 'Maybe. I don't know. Trowa, what do you really think of me?' 'I like you. You know that.' 'Why? I'm not exactly your usual type, am I? I don't just want casual sex and a bit of a laugh.' 'Why the hell do you keep saying that's all I want? I never told you that.' 'Yes you did! You just told me, when we were inside, that you told all your other boyfriends that you weren't looking for any sort of commitment.' 'Oh, that.' I knitted our fingers together a little more tightly. 'I never told you that.' Quatre looked down at our linked hands, very intently. 'I thought maybe you were trying to. That that was what the whole conversation was about.' 'No, Quatre! No, I swear, I didn't mean anything like that. I never told you anything like that because it's not how I feel about you.' 'I don't understand,' he whispered. Damn. He was going to make me come out and say it, wasn't he? Say something I still hadn't even figured out for myself. 'I think I maybe said stuff, back there, that didn't come out right, and I think maybe you maybe ran off before I could try to explain. Yeah, OK, I did say that I hadn't been looking for commitment, and that was the way things worked out but it was never like I wasn't open to anything more happening. Really.' Quatre sniffed. 'What about the guys you were going out with? Maybe they would have liked more, but they were scared to say anything in case you freaked out and dumped them?' Ah, shit. 'Listen, I'm not great at explaining things. It wasn't really like that. There were a couple of times when it could have been - something more, you know? But Sam, he was my first steady boyfriend, moved to Australia to study marine science, and with Elliott, I thought we were a proper couple 'til I found out he was also screwing my roommate, whom I'd considered a pretty good friend.' 'I'm sorry,' Quatre murmured softly. 'That's so awful.' 'Yeah.' I'd never really told anyone any of that. Never told anyone that I'd secretly hoped that Sam would turn down his scholarship to study in Perth in order to be with me. Or that I'd occasionally had stupid little fantasies of Elliott and I staying together. 'It really hurt when Sam left, you know? I thought maybe we could do the whole long distance thing; I was only nineteen and pretty naïve. It worked for a bit, and then he met this surfer guy. They're still together, actually; we're still friends, we email all the time…' 'But you still wonder if anything else might have happened?' 'Sometimes.' I shook my head. 'I mean, there's times when I don't think about him for weeks or whatever, and then I just sort of miss him. I never really told anyone this before.' 'Why not?' 'It was a bad time for all of us. Wufei was getting over being dumped by that bastard, who he'd thought was the love of his life, who'd been stringing him along; I told you about that. Sally was having family problems; her dad was really sick, and she was trying to cope with med school on top of that. What was I supposed to do; look for sympathy from them?' 'I'm sure they would have given it.' Quatre slipped one arm around my shoulders, squeezing gently. 'I like you because I can tell you things. That's one reason. You're a great listener, like you're really interested in what I'm saying. Some people just go through the motions, but really they're just waiting for you to shut up so they can talk about themselves.' 'I like hearing about you. Really, I do. This is the first time you've ever really talked about yourself to me, do you realise that?' 'That can't be right. I've told you plenty of things.' 'Not really,' He rested his head on my shoulder, and I somehow managed not to kiss his hair. It felt good though, having him lean against me. 'You've talked about your job and travelling and books and food and your favourite subjects at school. But you've never really talked about your family, or growing up, or your friends. I've told you more or less my whole life story.' 'Well, we've only known each other a couple of weeks. Do you always open up to people after you've just met them?' 'No. I don't.' He sounded a bit surprised at that. 'I used to be a lot more it open, a few years ago. I don't know, you're just very easy to talk to.' He swallowed. 'When we were inside, you said that you didn't believe in running to other people when things went wrong. That's what I do, really. Do you think that's such a bad thing? That I'm weak because I don't want to handle things all by myself?' 'No!' I said it fiercely enough that he actually flinched. Had he really think that was what I'd been implying about him? Well, shit. No wonder he'd run out on me. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything remotely like that. I swear. I think you're an amazingly strong person. Come on, you've told me all about how you left home. You gave up a fortune so you could do what you wanted with your life, be the person you wanted to be.' I shook my head; how the hell can he have ever thought that I believed he was weak in any possible way? 'Do you have any idea how few people would do something like that? Quatre, you left home without a penny; you lived in a homeless shelter; you worked your way through university; you had a fucking abusive boyfriend and you were strong enough to leave him and now you're brave enough to try the whole dating thing again. I am totally in awe of you, OK? I've had it so easy compared to you. My dad paid for my education; maybe he wasn't exactly ecstatic about me being gay, but he was OK with it. I've never really had my heart broken, but I'm still fucking terrified to risk the possibility of it happening because I don't know how I'd cope with it.' He turned to look at me properly. 'I think you're amazing. And I don't want to lose you.' He sighed. 'I - I don't want to lose you either…I'm not sure if we're compatible, Trowa. I just - don't know if I can be with someone who's so detached about everything. I don't know how you can even be that way.' 'Like you said, we're different,' I said softly. 'Look, I don't find it easy to talk about all this personal stuff. It's not how I was raised. I can talk to Wufei and Sally, but I've known them for nearly fifteen years. It isn't that I don't trust you, but we've only known each other for a couple of weeks. Don't you think it's a little bit early for the whole 'til death do us part thing? I think that's unreasonable. And unrealistic.' 'Of course it is.' He twisted his neck to look me in the eye. 'I'd like to know that you're open to more. That's all. That there might be a possibility of commitment.' 'I am committed. Or what do you think, that I'm off screwing other guys when I'm not with you?' God, he didn't think that, did he? 'No!' Well, that was a relief. 'Please, I'm saying this all wrong. I - I really like you. I love being with you. I just want to feel that you want this to be serious, that I'm not just some convenient blond guy who'll do until you meet someone better, or until it gets too difficult and then you'll finish it and walk away without a second glance because it was never serious in the first place. Do you understand?' 'Listen. First off, you're the one who finished it. Not me. I hadn't a clue what I'd done. You didn't bother telling me what was the problem; you just made your decision and that was that. I didn't have a say in any of it. So now you're being hypocritical.' He chewed at his lower lip. 'Oh! I'm sorry,' he whispered. 'You're right. But I - you said you'd never been in love with anyone, that you didn't believe in it. That in your opinion, it's a bad thing because it means giving control over your happiness to someone else and then getting hurt. I don't think I could be with someone who can't trust people.' I sighed, my breath stirring his hair. 'There are people I trust. Honestly. It takes me a while to get to know people, before I can open up to them. It just doesn't happen overnight, that's all. Everyone's different, Quatre. I bet you don't go around telling your life story to total strangers, do you? All about your family?' 'I suppose not.' 'You see? Reality check for a minute. We've known each other two weeks. That's all. Don't you think it's a little bit soon to be getting so serious?' 'All the things you said inside,' he said quietly, 'it sounded like you were warning me off. That we could have fun together, but you weren't looking for anything more. That you didn't want anything more. That's what it sounded like to me.' 'That's not entirely right.' Oh, God, was it? What did I want? I liked his company. Check. How could anyone not want to be with him, seriously? He was attractive, kind, funny, smart, liked animals and music, seemed to like me. 'Those things you said, about me being brave. They're not true. None of them. I'm so scared of being hurt again, Trowa. It's taken me over a year to get to the point where I'm even considering a new relationship. I don't want to have to go through that again.' 'Well, I don't particularly want to get hurt either, you know. And you're the one who said you can't go through life shutting people out because of one bad experience, remember?' 'I did, didn't I?' he said quietly. 'It's just…easier to say than to do. I'm scared. I thought, when you went inside back then, that maybe it was for the best. That we just end it now before either of us gets in too deep.' 'Tell me about it.' I gave him a wry little grin, encouraged when he smiled back. 'Do you have any idea how close I came just to driving off and leaving you here?' 'Why didn't you?' 'I couldn't,' I told him simply. 'But, sure there were a couple of minutes when I thought it would be the best damn thing. I wasn't looking for this, you know. Any of this. I've got a new job, I'm still getting used to living in Sanque, to working with my sister.' 'So you …don't want to be with me?' I felt his whole body tense against me. Shit. I really was hopeless at this stuff. 'I didn't mean it like that! I'm hopeless at all of this stuff! I love being with you! I just meant it was … unexpected. This whole thing. I'll tell you something else you said inside; that you can enjoy a friendship, a relationship while it lasts. Can't we just do that for a while? Get to know each other a bit better, spend time together, and see what develops from that? Quatre, I do want to be with you, with the person you are. I want to be able to talk to you. All the stuff that you said you want, I want that too.' 'Really?' I nodded, trying to work out what his expression meant. Hope; interest; maybe a little bit of sympathy for me trying to stammer all this out. Worry that he'd end up getting hurt. All the things I felt myself, really. 'Look, honey. I'll try not to hurt you, I can promise you that much. But I can't promise that we won't fight and it wouldn't be realistic if I did. We're different people. Of course we're going to have…differences of opinion sometimes. But I'm willing to give this thing a try if you are.' 'What do you want from me, Trowa? Really?' Oh, yeah, he also had an apparent, uncanny ability to read my thoughts. 'I asked you out, remember? I meant it. I still would like to be with you. I don't just want sex, although that would be a nice bonus. I - just - you know how you don't want to jump straight into the sex? You want to take things slowly, get to know each other better. Well, that's how I feel about the intimacy stuff. This is all new territory for me.' 'What exactly is new?' Quatre inched a littler closer to me, close enough that I took a chance and put an arm around his shoulders. He didn't seem to mind, just draped a corner of the sleeping bag over my shoulders. 'Us. You. I told you before that I can't stop thinking about you and I meant it. All the time I was making that damned tiramisu, the only thing I could think about was how you'd like it. Every time I'm in the supermarket, I'm looking at stuff and wondering what you'd like, even stupid things like what sort of cereal you eat, or whether you prefer doughnuts to Danish pastries. When something funny happens at work, I want to tell you about it so I can get to see your smile.' I took a deep breath, looking down at my hand in his, encouraged by the fact that he wasn't either laughing at me, or running away. Maybe this was the sort of stuff he actually wanted to hear? It was - difficult, saying it, but he'd lost that strained, upset look so I was probably doing something right. 'It's never just been about sex. It's everything. It's you. The way you look at me when I do something for you; even just some stupid thing like giving you a hot drink. And I love your smile. I can't think of anything better than to have you smiling at me every morning and last thing at night for the rest of my life. It's like sunshine. I love the way you're interested in everything I say to you, like you really want to know all about me. I never talk about my mother; it still hurts too damned much. I was there, Quatre. I saw the horse come down on her; she'd been laughing the minute before, waving to me and then she was dead, broken…' 'Oh, Trowa.' His voice cracked fractionally at the last few words, and then he wrapped his arms around me, holding him close. 'I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry.' 'Not so detached after all, am I?' I asked finally. 'It's all right.' He tilted his head and gave me a real smile. 'For your information, I like Swiss muesli, preferably the tropical fruit variety, and I love cherry Danish pastries. So now you know my favourite breakfast. Maybe you can make it for me the first time I stay over with you?' 'Sure, I can do that.' I drew a deep breath. 'So..do you like semi-skimmed or whole milk? Or yoghurt?' 'Milk, usually. Skimmed during the week. Full fat at the weekend.' 'I'll remember that. Quatre, we're OK now, right? The two of us?' He had to say yes now, hadn't he? He'd pretty much told me so. I still found that I was holding my breath, waiting for him to answer. He nodded fervently. 'Yes! I mean… if you want us to be.' 'Have you not listened to a single word I've been saying,
Winner? I'm crazy about you!' OK, words just didn't seem to be cutting
it, so I pulled him close and did my best to prove it in other ways.
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