"Puppy Love"

Written By: Waterliliylf

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. All rights remain with Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. No profit being made here.

Rating: NC 17

Warnings: sap, angst, fluff, Alternating Trowa/Quatre POV, AU

Pairings: 3x4 get together, Background 1x2, 5x6

Summary: quatre gets a new puppy and has ot take it to the vet.

"Puppy Love"

 

Quatre's POV:

Chapter 24:

'Are you all right?' Trowa asks as we finally arrive back at the cabin. By then, the delicious warmth of the hot springs, and of his body, are just a memory and I'm shivering. It's early April and there is a definite chill in the air. It hadn't helped that our towels had both got damp from - other activities - and hadn't been very effective for drying off.

'Never mind,' Trowa promises. 'I'll soon warm you up.' Just as my imagination is happily conjuring up the possible ways he can achieve this, he offers, 'How would you like some hot cocoa?'

'Oh, don't tempt me,' I beg, knowing it would take hours to boil water on our little fire, and he only laughs.

'Haven't you ever heard of 24 hour thermos flasks?' He, my magician, produces a chrome thermos and two mugs from the depths of his rucksack, along with a package of chocolate chip cookies.

'Wow. You really are amazing, aren't you?'

We sip our cocoa mainly in silence, enjoying the crackle of flames, and trying to find a comfortable place on the couch, which suffers from terminally broken springs. It's hard to find a spot where there isn't a wire sticking out.

'We'd probably be more comfortable in bed,' Trowa suggests finally and I nod, noticing that he carefully hasn't talked about sharing, leaving that decision to me. While he builds up the fire, I take charge of the sleeping arrangements, which basically involves unzipping both of our sleeping bags, and laying them flat on the lower bunk.

'You sure you're OK with sharing?' He glances up from the fire, the flames painting all kinds of shades in his hair.

I nod, just a little uncertainly, hoping I'm not being too forward. 'Well, it seems a bit silly to sleep in separate bunks, doesn't it? And it's chilly; this way we can keep each other warm.'

'You know, if you were any more perfect, I'd have to put you in a display case.'

'That sounds rather lonely.' I quickly shrug out of my clothes, and slide into the bunk.

'Oh, I'd take you out and play with you all the time. OK?' Instead, he joins me under the sleeping bags, tugging me into his arms.

'I could probably live with that.' I lean over and kiss him gently on the mouth, suddenly overcome by how lucky I am to have found him. He's the perfect one, not me. 'Thank you so much for all arranging all of this, Trowa. And for taking me to your favourite place at the springs.'

He chuckles. 'I think I might need to update the whole favourite place concept.' One hand trails down my back and locks around my waist. 'So, do you have a special place of your own? Somewhere you go when you need to sort stuff out or unwind?'

'Um, I don't think so,' I say, thinking about it. 'Usually, I talk to my friends about things, and that helps.'

He shrugs. 'I like to make decisions by myself, not to be dependent on other people.'

'Oh, well, I do too, really. But I like getting other people's perspectives. I suppose we've always shared everything.'

'You and Duo?'

'Duo, Zechs, 'Lena. Dorothy when I was younger; not so much now. Maybe it's because I was never really close to most of my family. I do have three sisters who still keep in touch with me, but they never really want to know all that much about my life, so I've always talked to my friends. I suppose you're the same with Wufei and Sally?'

'Well, yeah, I guess we do tell each other stuff, but not all the time. I mean, they don't want to hear every stupid little detail of my life, right?'

'Oh!' Thinking about it, Trowa has never really told me all that much about himself, considering he's heard practically my entire life story over the past two weeks. I know about his job, and his taste in music and films and books, but hardly anything about his childhood, or his family.

I'd thought he was just a little reserved at first, but maybe that's the way he is always. That's - rather daunting. Practically everyone I know needs to be gagged to stop talking about themselves; well, admittedly not Heero, but even he's started to open up over the past few months. Which, as Duo says, isn't an entirely unmixed blessing, given the things his boyfriend comes out with sometimes.

Oh dear. Maybe Trowa thinks I jabber away far too much and he's been wishing I'd shut up sometimes.

'Well, not every little detail, obviously,' I say hesitantly. 'But it's nice to have someone to share problems with, isn't it?'

'Is it? I don't know. I was brought up to be independent, not to keep running to other people for help if something went wrong.'

I'm not sure how to take this. Does he mean that he considers me weak for confiding in my friends? Too dependent? Has he been thinking all along that I'm too talkative, too open, too dependent on other people? But he's said he likes me…surely he wouldn't have brought me here if he thought those things…I really wish I could talk to Duo, just for one minute…

Trowa tilts his head so his hair falls down and I sweep the bangs away from his face with one finger. It's like his hair has a life of its own sometimes, and I've started to realise that it falls over his face when he's feeling uncomfortable about something. Maybe it's time to change the subject.

'So I'm not sure if I have a favourite place, exactly, but Zechs has a beach house in Nova that I love. It's an old fisherman's house, right on the dunes, and it had a deck overlooking the water, and pieces of driftwood everywhere. It's a couple of miles from the town, and it's like being on a desert island, almost. From the deck, all you can see are sand and sea.'

'It sounds cool,' Trowa agrees with enthusiasm, apparently much happier to discuss holiday homes than friendships. 'I've always wanted to be stranded on a desert island. If that happened to you, what three things would you take?'

You.

'Am I allowed to bring people or only inanimate objects?'

'Inanimate objects.'

'My violin, um, my 'phone and I'd have to bring about three gallons of sun cream because I burn easily. What about you?'

'My camera, my flute, and a hammock. What book would you bring? Only one.'

'Oh, that's so mean. Erm, maybe a survival handbook. Or a guide to building a boat. You?'

'The Collected Works of James Joyce, or something equally obscure. I could spend the rest of my life trying to decipher the words.'

'I've never read Joyce,' I admit.

'He was my dad's favourite author. I think he'd read all the books about twenty times. It used to drive his girlfriends crazy, that he'd rather stay at home and read, than go out with them.'

'He wasn't very sociable then?' I ask, feeling a little jealous. I would have loved parents who stayed at home rather than jet-setting around the world.

'Not really, no. He didn't mind going to parties sometimes, but he'd just come home when he got bored. I think he really preferred books and animals to people.' He grins suddenly. 'God knows how he and Miranda ever got together.'

'Sorry; who's Miranda?'

'My mother. She liked me to use her first name; I think she didn't like to be reminded that she had a kid depending on her. She wasn't really the maternal type; before I got old enough to look after myself, she was always handing me around to the other women, sometimes for days at a time.'

'Oh!' I'd imagined Trowa having an idyllic childhood at the circus, travelling all over the world in a horse-drawn caravan, playing with the animals, cooking every night on a campfire, under the stars.

'Don't look like that, honey. You don't need to feel sorry for me. It was cool. Miranda was one of the stars of the show, and that came first, always. I had a great time; I had dozens of adopted grannies and aunties who spoiled me rotten when I was a kid.'

'Do you miss it?' I ask softly, resting my head on his shoulder.

'Sometimes. But that's life, isn't it? Everything changes. I went back a couple of summers after Miranda died, to stay with friends, but it wasn't really the same. When I was fifteen, I told Dad I didn't want to do that anymore.' He leans over to ruffle my hair. 'You must be tired of hearing all this.'

'No! Really, I'm interested.'

'It was all a long time ago,' he shrugs. 'I think it's my turn to ask you a question. Let's see…when was your first kiss?'

I make a face. 'I was sixteen; it was at a classical music festival. I was playing the violin and I made friends with a boy from another school who played the clarinet and on the last night, we, well, we sneaked out together…I didn't like it much; neither of us really knew what to do and there was the whole teeth clashing thing. What about you?'

He grins. 'Let's see. I was fifteen; he was a few years older, and he worked as a lion tamer with the circus. And … let's just say that he knew exactly what he was doing.'

'How did it happen?'

'We both stayed up one night with a lioness that was due to have cubs. By dawn, she had four cubs. We thought the last one wasn't going to make it at first; then when it started to breathe, Kurt just grabbed me and that was that.'

'Wow! That sounds awfully romantic.' I can just picture the scene; a younger Trowa, an adorable family of baby animals, the bright colours of sunrise, and a dashing lion tamer..

Trowa just laughs, shifting slightly as he adjusts his arm around me. 'I hate to destroy your illusions, Quatre, but it wasn't really. We were both covered in blood and gunk, and the lion cage was stinking to high heaven. Honestly, I'm not exactly a romantic guy.'

'You're joking! After everything you've for me done tonight.'

'Oh, that. Well, it's the first time I've ever done something like that. I always thought of myself as, you know, more practical. I've never been into red roses and teddy bears and all that Valentine's Day shit.'

'Nor have I,' I assure him. 'And I hate to destroy your illusions, but I think you have a definite romantic streak. Everything tonight has been utterly perfect.'

'Well, if I have a romantic streak, you're the one who managed to find it.' He looks rather bewildered at the admission, and I have to laugh.

'I think you're a closet romantic.' As well as being incredibly sexy and attractive and gentle and kind. How did I ever get this lucky? 'You need to be careful, you know; you'll be renting chick flicks and buying soppy cards with kittens on them.'

'Dream on, Winner.' He gives me a light smack on the ass, making me squeal, and then making me forget the little sting with a long caress.

'That's so nice,' I say dreamily.

'It is, isn't it?' he teases. 'I like it that you know you have a cute ass, honey. And I like this, the two of us in bed together.'

'Me too.' I stroke one hand across his chest, teasing one of his nipples. 'So..did you think this was going to happen tonight? The two of us?'

'I hoped it would. It was up to you.'

'You could have said no,' I murmur, bending to swipe my tongue across his skin.

'Don't think so,' he contradicts, arching his back slightly as my mouth moves lower. 'No, I definitely couldn't have said no. God, Quatre.'

'No?' I raise my head to look into his eyes.

'No,' he gasps. 'Yes. Whatever. Just don't stop.'

'I won't,' I promise. 'Do you like this? And this?'

All I get in response is some incoherent moaning, but I'm sure it's positive. I have no intention of stopping anyway, not after how he made me feel out in the forest. Not that I hadn't returned the favour - well, once my bones had solidified, and my brain had plummeted back to Earth - but he'd come almost at once.

This time I want it to last for him. It's a shame there isn't room to sixty-nine, but one of us would certainly end up on the cabin floor.

'You know, we should probably think about going to sleep,' Trowa says after we've cleaned up a little. 'Especially if we're going to get up to see the sunrise.'

I hum in agreement. He's right of course. But I don't want to sleep, or when I wake up this incredible night will be over. Luckily, Trowa seems to feel the same way; he yawns hugely and then laughs.

'Miranda always used to say, plenty of time to sleep when you're dead. Make the most of life while you've got it.'

'That's a good philosophy.'

'Well, it was how she lived her life. I guess she liked adrenalin. Killed her in the end, though.'

'What happened to her?' The question is out before I have time to think that maybe Trowa won't want to talk about his mother's death. 'Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me.'

'It's all right. She was training one of her horses; a new stallion she'd just bought. He reared up; I guess something spooked him, and she came off. Broke her neck.'

'Oh, God. Oh, Trowa, I'm so sorry.' His expression, what I can see of it under the swathe of hair, is unreadable. He could have been quoting a newspaper article.

'Yeah,' he says heavily. 'It was quick, at least, and she was doing the thing she most loved in the world. Everyone said it was a blessing, really, that she'd died outright. She wouldn't have been able to handle being an invalid. She was way too active for that. She was so full of life; there was always a new act, a new horse, a new guy.'

'You never told me that you had a step-father. Did you like him?'

He gives me a long, appraising look. 'She never married any of them. She needed her own independence way too much to tie herself down to some guy. She just liked having fun, that was all; it's kind of different for circus people, you know? Always on the move, always some element of danger in what you're doing. I guess, we - they - have different standards.'

I nod awkwardly. 'Didn't she ever fall in love with any of her boyfriends?'

Trowa shakes his head. 'No fear. Miranda didn't believe in that stuff. She said it was just this illusion to trap people into commitment, and then they were stuck with each other.'

'But…you don't believe that, do you? I mean, you must have fallen in love with someone?'

'Nope. Never.'

I blink, not so much at what he's saying as how. Totally matter of fact. 'No. Really?'

'It is really.' He shrugs. 'Seriously, Quatre, I don't get what the big deal is about love, what all the fuss is about. From what I've seen, people just end up giving control over their happiness to someone else, and then getting hurt.'

'Don't you think that's just a little cynical?'

'I think it's realistic. The truth is, if you get attached to people, you end up losing them.'

'Well, maybe, but you can still enjoy the friendship, the relationship, while it lasts, can't you? You can learn things about yourself. And what's the alternative? That you never let yourself get close to anyone in case you lose them? I could never live like that. I need to be close to people.'

It's scary actually; the bleak image that his words conjure up. 'I don't think I could have survived without my friends being there for me. I couldn't have gone through it all by myself.'

He offers me a shrug. 'You'd be surprised what you can do if you have to. When I was eight, I had this friend, Middie. There weren't any kids my own age at the circus, so we did everything together. Then her parents got a better offer so they left. When Miranda saw how upset I was, she said, it was a lesson I'd just have to learn or I'd keep getting hurt. That people were essentially alone and I had to learn to depend on myself.'

'But that's a terrible thing to say to a child!' I blurt out, without thinking that he probably wouldn't want me criticising his mother. 'And it isn't true. Of course people depend on each other! You said yourself that your mother needed other people to help care for you, and she probably depended on the other performers in her act. You've got Wufei and Sally and your sister, and well, me. If you want. Of course you aren't alone!'

'Yeah, well,' he mutters. 'I still don't fancy the whole love thing. People get hurt. Wufei met this guy when he was nineteen. This is just between the two of us, all right? He was in his first year at university and doing work experience at one of Sanque's top law firms. Well, this older guy seduced him. Wufei's pretty intense, as you probably noticed. Coming out was really hard for him; he was the oldest son of a very traditional family and his parents weren't too happy. They'd all these plans for him to marry the daughter of friends of theirs. So Treize was the first guy he'd been with, and he dumped him once he'd had enough. No fucking way am I ever going to go through what he did.'

I swallow. 'That's appalling, Trowa. It really is. But not everyone is like that. You can't spend your whole life shutting people out because your friend had a bad experience years ago.'

'No?' He lifts an eyebrow at me. 'Look, it's not shutting people out, as you call it, just to be - careful. To choose the people you're going to trust. You were probably in love with Simon, and look how that turned out.'

'I wasn't in love with him,' I can say it now, thanks to a year away from my ex, and a few therapy sessions. 'I thought I was, I wouldn't have stayed with him otherwise. But, really, I loved the way he made me feel, that I was special and that someone needed me. It was worth putting up with all the bad things just to feel wanted.'

'So you've never been in love either, then?' He sounds almost triumphant.

'Oh, I didn't say that.' I take a deep breath. 'I fell in love with Duo the first time we met.'

'You're joking! So you two were a couple?'

'No. never. He - never felt that way about me.'

'I thought he was smarter than that.' Fortunately, he doesn't look jealous. More intrigued.

'Thanks. It was....awkward. We met in Peru; I think I told you that. We were both helping out at an orphanage. Duo - well, his boyfriend, Solo had died a few months previously in a car crash. They'd grown up together, and Duo blamed himself because Solo'd both been drinking and Duo thinks he could have tried harder to stop him getting in the car.'

'So does he know you liked him? It is past tense, right?'

'Right. He knows. Well, he knew. I - ah - made a pass at him a few days after we met, before I knew the whole story, and he turned me down flat. Then we got to be friends, and we ended up moving in together, as friends, when we got back to Sanque. It took me ages to get over him though.'

'Yeah, I can imagine. He's pretty hot. You're still not convincing me about the whole love thing though, honey.'

'Well, maybe that wasn't the best example. But honestly, you just have to look at him and Heero to believe it's possible. And I really am happy for him. For both of them.' I sigh. 'You've had boyfriends. You honestly never loved any of them?' I prop myself up on one elbow, and gaze down at him. 'Was it always just about sex.'

'No. Of course not. I liked them, we had fun together. And I was always honest with them, that I wasn't looking for some big emotional commitment. I told them that from the start. Most of the guys I dated were more than happy with that.'

'You never told me that.'

'No.' He looks slightly bemused, and I wonder if he's regretting that. 'I didn't, did I?'

I have no idea what to say to that, what to say to any of this. Instead, I slide out of bed, reaching for my jeans and jacket. 'I just need to take a bathroom break. Back in a sec.' Once outside, I sit on the front step, wondering how a perfect, perfect evening suddenly turned into this.

Am I only a casual fling? Maybe I just happen to be the first guy he's met since he got back to Sanque and therefore convenient for the moment, until someone better comes along. I thought we were more than that. All the things he's done for me tonight - showing me the hot springs, producing my favourite dessert, being the most gentle, generous lover I've ever had. I thought it all meant more.

I have no idea how long I stay out there alone; long enough for Trowa to come looking for me anyway. So much for my plan that he'd just fall asleep.

'Quatre?' He pulls the door closed behind him and looks down at me. 'What's wrong?'

Ah, I'm not supposed to react to all the revelations that he's never loved any of his previous partners, or apparently believes that confiding in friends is a sign of weakness.

'Nothing.'

'Then what are you doing out here by yourself?' He sits down beside me, and I move slightly away from him. 'I thought we agreed to talk about any problems.'

'Actually, that was one of your rules, not mine. I guess I'm the emotional one, so I'm the one who has to open up, while you get to be the strong, silent guy, right? Well, maybe I should have told you a couple of my rules. And number one is that I don't want to be with someone who thinks I'm just a casual fuck.'

'What?' Oh, he apparently is able to display some emotion, after all; I can't help feeling a little thrill of satisfaction that I've managed to shock him. Profanity is awfully useful sometimes.

'I don't think this is going to work, Trowa. Us.'

His jaw practically drops. OK, score two to Quatre. 'What?' he demands again. 'I thought things were going fine. What the hell is going on?'

'We're obviously looking for very different things,' I say tonelessly. 'Maybe I should have been clearer, but I'm looking for an actual relationship with someone who wants to be with me. I don't just want to be another notch on someone's bedpost because of my surname, or the way I look.'

'What?' Well, things always go in threes, don't they? 'I don't get you. You know I don't think of you like that. Come on, if I'd just wanted a quick piece of ass, I'd hardly have stuck around after the first day when you made it very clear you weren't into that. I don't know what gave you the idea that was all I was interested in.'

'Oh, I don't know,' I say coldly. 'Possibly the fact that you just told me you'd never cared about any of your previous partners, that you'd been with them for sex and fun and nothing more. Possibly that clued me in ever so slightly.'

'I never said that!' he defends himself, shoving his hair back with one hand. 'Listen, Quatre, maybe I gave you the wrong impression just now. Just because I was never in love with my exes, doesn't mean I didn't care for them. I did. I've had four long-term relationships, and I'm still in touch with three of them. I don't think that's such a bad record. I just meant I'd never had that whole love-at-first-sight, soul-mates thing. Which I haven't. Was I supposed to lie about that?'

'No. I don't want you to lie!' I burst out. 'The thing is, Trowa, I need intimacy in a relationship. I don't just mean physical closeness, but someone who trusts me enough to share confidences, to talk to me. Someone who's going to want me in his life for more than just sex, or messing about. I did the casual sex thing when I was eighteen. It didn't work for me then, and I'm not going to start it again now. One of the things I learned from being with Simon was that I need to figure out what I want from a relationship, and I know I don't just want a casual fling.'

He sighs. 'We've only been going out for two weeks. What exactly do you want; a proposal of marriage?'

'No! Of course not,' I turn around to glare at him. Is he truly this clueless? Even Heero was never this bad. 'I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. To be with the person I actually am. I'm not asking for any huge commitment, just to know that my partner isn't going to walk out if we have an argument or if I do something stupid. I want someone who's willing to try to make it work, even when it's difficult, and I get the impression that you want something different.'

I'm shivering as I finish; partly the cold breeze coming in from the lake, and partly the fact that I've essentially broken up with him. That's it, then. Probably better to find out now that we're incompatible, than to fall for him even more. Maybe he's right about the non-attachment thing, after all. It shouldn't hurt this much.

It hurts even more when he gets up and walks away. Right, then. We're finished. At least Maggie hasn't had time to get too attached to him, yet.

~ * ~

Chapter 25

Back to Waterlilylf's Page

Back to GW Authors Index.