"Three for Joy"

Written By: Waterliliylf

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. All rights remain with Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. No profit being made here.

Rating: R

Warnings: Romance, angst, sap, friendship

Pairings: 5x4 and (possible) 1x2. Copious references to past 3x4.

Summary: As far as Wufei is concerned, he and Quatre are a perfect example oftwo's company, so when Trowa moves back to Sanq will three be a crowd, or justpossibly, a joy to embrace?

Author's Note: Writing this story truly has been a joint effort. The original idea came from Standingontherooftops (as compensation for having broken her brain in a previous story) and she also suggested the personalities and pairings and gave huge amounts of positive feedback as it progressed. Kaeru Shisho gave me most of the plot, as well as many, many suggestions, edited many, many times, and then persuaded me it wasn't long enough so the whole process had to start again. All of this wonderful support meant that I was free to get on with the really fun business of actually writing and had massive amounts of fun.

Dedication: This story is affectionately dedicated to both the ladies mentioned above, without whom it would have been finished in half the time.

"Three for Joy"

Chapter 9:

'We should probably go back down to the others,' Wufei said. 'They'll be wondering where we are.'

Trowa chuckled. 'I promise, they won't have noticed we ever left. Between the two of them, they've got a good ten years of sexual frustration to work off, plus the biggest bottle of lube I could find in the whole city.'

Wufei rolled over to look at him. 'That's why you brought it? For them?'

'Well, yeah. I thought maybe they just needed a nudge in the right direction. It worked, didn't it?'

'Apparently.' He shook his head. 'I can't believe they didn't realise they've been in love with each other for years.'

'Well, sometimes it's hard to see what's right under your nose. Or easier to pretend that it's not there, so you don't have to take a chance on fucking it up royally.'

True enough. Wufei rolled over again to lie on his back, looking up at the sky. It was still a vivid, burnt-blue shade, with a few small candyfloss clouds drifting across. Nothing had changed, except that it all had.

He hadn't reacted to Trowa's announcement; there'd been nothing to say, after all. He'd just slid out of the other man's embrace and they'd swum back and forth a little before getting out and lying on a parch of sun-warmed grass and talking about nothing in particular. He'd been proud of himself at first; it was feeling like cowardice now.

'You think way too much, you know that?' Trowa leaned over, ticking his arm with a grass stalk. 'You're like Quat, always trying to solve everything. Sometimes, things just are.'

'I was thinking about him. He should be here.'

'Instead of me?'

'As well as you.'

'Wow. I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.'

'Not exactly a lot nice things to choose from, I suppose,' Wufei said dryly. 'I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time.'

'I deserved it, I'm sure.'

'You did actually.'

'What was he like, after me?' Trowa asked, words dragging.

Wufei considered soft-soaping it, very briefly. 'Broken. Utterly. He just didn't care about anything. Trowa, did you ever tell him why you'd left? The things you told me?'

Trowa shrugged. 'He knew some of it. I guess he's picked up the rest of it since then.' He sat up, shredding the grass to pieces. 'I was stupid. It seemed like the best thing to do, for him. He didn't need someone like me around.'

'Yes, he did.'

Trowa tore another handful of grass. 'He turned out OK. You did a good job on him. Anyway, you were a way better boyfriend for him. Nice young man from the right sort of background. Very discreet. No nasty past for newspapers to dig up; no chance of scandal. I bet even his sisters like you.'

'Some of them more than others,' Wufei said dryly. 'But then I don't like some of them either. Stop pulling up all that grass.'

'I'll be eating it in a minute. I'm starving.'

Wufei let him change the subject, not one he'd been comfortable with either and reached for his clothes, watching Trowa do the same. There were way too many potential what ifs? What if Trowa, back then, had told Quat his reasons for leaving? If he'd come back and apologised for getting it wrong? If Quatre had understood and forgiven and taken him back? A dizzying array of alternative universes and in none of them would Wufei be with Quatre.

'Maybe you're right; we should head back,' Trowa stood up. 'It's getting late; we should probably start dinner before it gets too dark to see. I'm glad I set our tent up a bit away from theirs. Duo's a screamer once he gets going.'

'He would be,' Wufei laughed, and then stopped short. 'How exactly do you know that?' He'd just finished asking when he realised. 'Oh. You've slept with him?'

Trowa, a few paces below on the steep track, turned to face him. 'It was years ago. Only a one night thing. I was going through a pretty bad patch; Heero was still working as 'Lena's bodyguard and living in the palace so Duo wasn't doing that great either. We just happened to be on L2 at the same time, went for a few drinks, ended up in his hotel room. It was no big deal.'

'Yes, it was! He's our friend.'

'Fei, it was a one-night stand that meant nothing. We were both pretty wasted. He's probably forgotten all about it by now.'

'I don't understand.' He'd only ever slept with one person; the love of his life. 'I just don't understand how you can feel like that. Sex should mean something. What's the point if you sleep with every man you meet? That's like something prostitutes do.'

'Shit.' Trowa raked one hand through his hair irritably. 'First off, I don't sleep with every man I meet, contrary to popular opinion. Second, you and Quat have all these lovely ideas about sex; that it's all bound up with romance and soul-mates and love. The way I grew up, it wasn't to do with any of that. If you were big and strong enough, you took what you wanted, and if you weren't you just went along with it.'

'You were raped?' Wufei breathed, appalled, all the sunshine vanishing from the day.

Trowa's silence stretched all the way to L3 and back, long enough for Wufei to vow that if anyone had ever dared to hurt Trowa, he would find them, kill them.

'I wasn't forced,' Trowa said finally. 'Not exactly. These mercenaries I lived with, there was kind of a system. You found a protector who'd look after you, else you got passed around. If you were lucky, and made sure to keep him happy, he'd be halfway decent to you. It was how things were; easier to be with one guy than have to service half a troop, you know?'

He didn't, of course. 'I'm sorry,' he offered uselessly.

Trowa shrugged. 'Wasn't your fault. I survived, right? Just ended up with some pretty skewed ideas on sex.'

'I'm sorry for what I said about you.'

'It was true enough. I was a whore before the war, and I did a pretty good job of going back to it, after. D'you get now why I was never good enough for someone like Quat; why I'll never be good enough for you?'

'Don't be ridiculous,' Wufei ordered crisply. 'If you were abused when you were a child, that certainly wasn't your fault. I know Quat would feel exactly the same. Does he know?'

'Yeah. Look, Duo and Heero don't know.'

'I wouldn't say anything!'

'I know you wouldn't.' Out of all the pain in his eyes, Trowa found a smile for him.

'I hate that people hurt you,' Wufei whispered, and then took the final few steps between them and hugged him.

'Didn't always hurt,' Trowa muttered, face buried in Wufei's shoulder. 'Sometimes, it was kind of nice being close to someone, just being touched. It is nice.'

'It is,' Wufei agreed, meaning it.

'OK.' Trowa took a deep breath. 'Let's go back. See what the others are up to?'

'OK. Trowa, did you ever want anything to happen between you and Duo? Anything more?'

'It's always been Heero for him. You know that.'

It wasn't, precisely, an answer and that was answer enough. Never mind.

'Things work out, you know,' Trowa said quietly. 'Those two should've hooked up years ago. Or maybe they shouldn't; we were all pretty screwed up back then. Maybe they needed time.'

Duo was feeding branches into a small campfire when they got back to the site; a slightly wary expression on his face and a raggedly-plaited braid over one shoulder. 'Hey. We kept you dinner; it's just pasta and it's probably cold by now, but there's plenty.'

'Cold pasta sounds great,' Wufei said gratefully. 'Where's Heero?'

'He went to get more wood.' He twitched his braid into one hand, fiddling with the messy tuft at the end. There was a bedraggled daisy, petals missing, tucked into the tie. 'So. Go on. Say it.'

Trowa laughed. 'What's the point? Everyone's always known you're an idiot.'

'Don't tease him. We're delighted for you, Duo,' Wufei said firmly, bending down to give his friend a warm hug. He meant it. Since he'd known him, Duo had gone from being an irritating loudmouth to a trusted comrade to a very close friend.

'Thanks, Wu.' Duo ducked his head shyly. 'I'm delighted too, pretty much. Kind of hard to believe, right?'

'You deserve it.' Trowa leaned over to give his braid a tug.

Heero came back a few minutes later, and sat down behind Duo, his expression an odd mix of belligerence and joy, as if daring anyone to make an issue of his sudden happiness. Duo, without looking, leaned back against him, smiling when Heero slipped an arm around him.

'What kept you, Yuy?' Trowa teased. 'Catching more frogs?'

'Oh, God,' Duo groaned. 'You're never going to let us live that down, are you?'

'Never in a million years,' Trowa agreed cheerfully.

Duo shot him a slyly speculative little smile. 'You sure about that, Barton? I know plenty of stories about you that you mightn't want Wufei to hear.'

Trowa actually looked faintly embarrassed. 'Your boyfriend's evil, Heero. You know that?'

'My boyfriend,' Heero gloated, lingering over the words, 'is perfect. He does have something he wants to ask you,' he said abruptly.

'Oy.' Duo jerked an elbow back. 'He can speak for himself. Tro, you know Preventers have this dumb rule about not employing people who're involved. I was wondering, is that job offer still open?'

'For both of you?'

Heero shook his head. 'Maybe one day. But I don't want to leave just yet. I feel I'm doing some good there.'

'He's still with the world-saving thing,' Duo put in. 'So one of us has to go and make some serious money. I was thinking maybe a partnership or something.'

'All my employees are hired on a three month trial period.'

'Well, I'm not exactly just any employee. You know how good I am.'

'I know you've been doing sod all at Preventers for the last couple of years.'

'Don't talk to him like that!' Heero snapped.

'No, it's OK. He's right.' Duo looked into the fire, colour deepening again. 'I only stayed 'cause of you two. I'd have left years ago otherwise. I never even liked working there. Une kept giving me crap jobs.'

'And I can't promise I won't do the same,' Trowa stared at him. 'I don't know what you think you'll be doing exactly, but it won't be all running around and getting to play with gadgets. You'll have to do paperwork and reports and most of it's pretty damn boring and you won't have Heero and Wufei to pick up the slack for you when you can't be bothered.'

'Fine, Barton.' Duo lifted his chin. 'Whatever. I'll do your stupid trial but I'll expect a promotion at the end of it and a damn good pay raise. I'll damn well show you how capable I am and thatI don't need Heero covering my ass all the time.' He blushed again as Heero leaned forward to whisper something. 'Um. I think it's time we turned in for the night. See you guys in the morning. Not too early.'

'You were a bit hard on him, weren't you?' Wufei commented.

'No, actually. I've got a business to run, and he needs to realise that.'

'You sound like Quatre.'

Trowa grinned. 'Well, he's the one who taught me.' He looked into the flames. 'So. This remind you of anything?' he asked, and there it was. It had been inevitable that one of them would bring it up.

'No lions roaring this time.'

'I'd have roared if I'd been kept penned up like that. Poor brutes.'

'They didn't know any different.' He didn't know if that would make captivity better or worse. 'At least we don't have to drink Catherine's coffee this time,' Wufei teased and Trowa grimaced.

'Oh, please. Don't remind me. I've got something better.' He rummaged in his bag and waved a bottle of brandy.

'Do you see her much?'

'Nope. We send the odd email; that's pretty much it.'

'She's your sister. Your family.'

Trowa hunched one shoulder. 'Hard to miss what you've never had, you know. It was always a bit awkward and she really had a problem with Quat. She liked you, though.'

'She hardly knew me.'

'Still.' Trowa took another swig out of the bottle and passed it over. 'Here you go. Better than my sister's coffee.'

'I imagine it would have to be.'

'I went back to the circus for a bit, after I left Preventers,' Trowa said. 'It didn't work out. Cathy was thrilled at first; she had a new act all planned, thought we'd be the stars of the show. I hated it; it was OK during the war, being undercover, but I didn't want to spend the rest of my life dressing up in those stupid little skimpy costumes and being stared at. I felt like a lion in one of those crappy cages, and Cathy and I were fighting all the time, and then she said something about being pleased that I'd left Quat, and I just took off.'

Wufei took another sip of the brandy; something he'd only tried once or twice before, trying to work out if he actually liked it. He didn't like the taste much, but the burning sensation was pleasant enough. 'Are we going to talk about lions all night and totally ignore the elephant at the campfire?'

'God.' Trowa reached for the bottle. 'I'm not nearly drunk enough for that. Is there even anything to talk about?'

'I think so.' He tried not to think about it too much; that appalling day all those years ago. It spoke volumes for the general awfulness of his life that it hadn't even made the top three list of contenders for Most Appalling Day. After the duel with Khushrenada, he'd followed Trowa back to the circus without even thinking about what he was doing, not really caring. If it hadn't been for Trowa calling him back, he might so easily just have let Shenlong sink into the ocean.

He'd never been to a circus before; his family wouldn't have permitted it and anyway he wouldn't have wanted to go. He'd hated the place; the raucous music and the lights and the noise of the animals, but it had been a good place to hide.

The little fire Trowa had made for them had helped; their own little patch of brightness and warmth.

Trowa, five years later, around another fire that he'd made, handed over the brandy. 'I think kissing you was about the bravest thing I've ever done. I wasn't sure if you'd kiss me back or just skewer me with that katana of yours.'

'You always were brave.' Trowa was the first person he'd ever met who was gay, or at least the first who'd admitted to it. Kissing him back would have been brave enough, if he'd let himself think about it, but he hadn't. It had been a joke at first, Trowa apologising for Cathy's undrinkable coffee, saying he knew a way to get rid of the taste, and then Trowa's mouth had brushed against his. He'd gone up in flames, from that one brief touch.

No one had kissed him before, properly. Merian had given him a dry, dutiful peck at their betrothal ceremony. At the feast, after, one of his cousins had teased her about how she'd have to wait years for anything more. Her fingers had curled into angry fists and he'd been surprised at her lack of self-control.

He'd kissed her after that first battle, in the field of flowers, but she'd been dead by then. He'd smoothed the dark hair back, and bent to press his lips to her brow, still warm.

Trowa's mouth on his had been insistent, hot, demanding and he'd responded without thought. He'd let Trowa press him to the ground, close enough to the fire that he could feel the flames hot on his skin; let him slide hands under his clothing. It hadn't taken much, just Trowa's fingers curving around his cock.

Then Trowa had been pulling his trousers down, he'd felt one hand delving deeper behind his legs and then the painful press of a finger somewhere shockingly intimate.

Reality had descended in a cloud of ashes. Homosexuality wasn't forbidden, precisely, on L5; more of a dirty joke about men who were too weak to please a woman; who lacked enough honour to wish to serve their ancestors by producing children. And the dirtiest jokes of all were reserved for men who lay down for other men.

He'd been on his feet in an instant, grabbing clothes haphazardly and running for the shelter of the caravan he'd been given.

Trowa hadn't followed. Lying on the narrow, hard little bunk with a musty blanket covered in animal hairs, he hadn't known how to feel about that. He'd almost let a total stranger – almost total – fuck him. Bad enough. He'd wanted it, which was worse.

'I should've gone after you, that night,' Trowa said softly, five years later. He hadn't. The next time they'd seen each other, Wufei was a prisoner, and Trowa had been wearing an enemy uniform.

A whole new sequence of what ifs?

'I don't know.' He fumbled for Trowa's hand. 'I'd never done anything like that before. I panicked.'

'I rushed you.'

'Did it mean anything to you?' A question he'd wanted to ask for all those years. 'Or was it just sex?'

'You and Quat. You both ask the hardest things. Yeah, it meant something.' He squeezed Wufei's hand. 'Lots of things. You were seriously hot; still are. I was all hyped up after the battle. And you, God, you looked so lost. Like the whole universe had turned on you or something.'

'It had, I think,' Wufei whispered. So many things had happened that day. The sickening realisation of who they'd killed, and then duelling Treize Khushrenada who hadn't even regarded him highly enough as an enemy to kill him.

'Yeah,' Trowa nodded. 'So it meant something. Sorry if that wasn't exactly what you wanted.'

'It's all right.' It wasn't like he'd expected a too-late declaration of love; he'd just wanted honesty. 'Trowa, may I ask you something?'

'Do you have to? yeah, whatever.' He took a long pull at the brandy bottle, then looked at Wufei. 'Go on.'

'You don't have to answer. I just wondered. Did you ever tell Quat?'

'No; no point. He'd just have been upset. 'Fei, it's not like I cheated on him. We weren't exactly together back then; hell, we'd only met twice. That night with you…Quat and I'd had this massive row the night before, in San Francisco. I knew there was something weird going on with that mission; you know how you can tell, sometimes?'

Wufei nodded; he'd sensed it too, from the beginning.

'I didn't want Quat getting involved; I told him that and he got pissed. He'd gone over the mission orders and approved them and he was Genius Strategy Guy, and that was that. We had a bit of a slanging match in the middle of the street, and we both stormed off, and then I took off with you and he didn't come after us. Now, question for you. Are you going to tell Quat about any of this?'

'I'm not sure,' Wufei said and then added. 'Yes. We tell each other things.'

'He must like that. Talking.'

'It was one of the things we both thought was important, from the start. Trowa, you two were together for almost a year. You must have talked sometimes.'

'Sometimes.' Trowa slid him a naughty little sideways grin. 'Not as much as you'd think. We were in the middle of the war and besides there was usually better stuff to do.' He smirked at Wufei's expression. 'For the record, he was mostly the one who jumped me. He was a horny little brat, when he was fifteen.'

'Oh,' Wufei said dully. It wasn't that Quatre, his Quatre, didn't enjoy sex. He did, of course. But he liked a long, slow lead-in. And he almost never took the initiative.

'Hey. Don't look like that, 'Fei.' Trowa reached out, very gently, and stroked a few stray hairs back from his face. 'You didn't really know him, back then. He was different. He was this teenager who out to save the freaking world, you know? I'd never met anyone like him; he just thought he could make everything better, change everything. And at the same time, he was so fucking young. Just a kid who'd run away from home and he was petrified his family would never forgive him for what he'd done, that he'd never get to see them again. He was, I don't know, sex was like a safety valve for him sometimes, when he got too upset or too worked up or wallowed too much in that damn guilt of his. It calmed him down; or tired him out at least. One or the other. Stopped him doing anything too stupid.'

'I don't think,' Wufei said carefully, 'that he's like that now.' Or maybe he was; he could still drive himself to utter exhaustion if he wasn't watched. 'I don't know. Maybe you're right.

'He's calmed down a lot. You're good for him, really. You make him feel secure. Just… you could be a little bit more demonstrative in public.' He laughed at Wufei's expression. 'I'm not saying you should kiss the face off him in front of the WEI building or something; you could just hold hands or something. He's the most affectionate person I've ever met.'

'We talked about it,' Wufei told him. 'When we started dating properly. We agreed it was probably a bad idea to be demonstrative in public, given who he is.'

Trowa snorted. 'It's not like everyone doesn't know about you two. It's old news, 'Fei. Sure, you might get a few shots in the tabloids; so what? Any publicity's good publicity, isn't it? Tell me. Does he like running WEI? He always says he likes the challenge, likes feeling he's contributing. Does he?'

'He likes some of it. He loves the numbers; he can spend hours going over statistics and figures, and he's started getting interested in a lot of the research they're doing. Finding sustainable energy sources; that sort of thing. He's not unhappy, Trowa. It's maybe not what he would have chosen to do, but you know what he's like. He'd never have been happy, anywhere else, if he felt he'd turned his back on a responsibility he was supposed to take.'

'Yeah,' Trowa said bitterly. 'He always swore, during the war, that he wasn't going to work there. His grandfather had a heart attack in the boardroom; did you know that? Only in his forties. And his father was never home and when he was, he was usually locked up in his library. Quat said he wouldn't ever be like that. He had all these stupid fantasies for us after the war. He wanted us to go off and be wandering minstrels or something.'

Wufei had to smile at that image; so charmingly innocent. So very Quatre. 'I'm sure he would have liked that.' It was his turn to reach out, touching Trowa's hand. 'Tro, I'm sure he meant it. But his father's death changed everything.

Trowa nodded, hair falling over his face, and then flopped down on the blanket. 'I guess. It was dumb, right? Life's not a fairytale. I knew all along he'd go back.'

'He had to,' Wufei breathed, putting the bottle aside carefully and lying down too, looking up at the stars. Quatre was up there. 'If L5…still existed, I would have had to go home, as well. It was how we were raised, Trowa, both of us. That duty came before happiness.'

'That sucks.'

'A little, maybe.' He pressed closer to Trowa's warm body; Trowa curled into him.

'So,' Trowa said into the starry silence. 'What exactly are you going to tell Quat?'

'I have no idea.'

'I meant what I said, back at the waterfall.'

I love you both.

Oh, Gods. Definitely cowardice, not to have responded, somehow, but part of him had tried so hard to pretend he hadn't heard, that he'd imagined it.

He shifted onto his side, and Trowa followed him, one arm sliding around his waist, slid his hand lower still. So different to Quat, who could still be a little hesitant, even after they'd been lovers for almost three years. Trowa's touch was assured, possessive, sure.

'Is this because of me?'

'Yes.'

'Good.' Trowa pressed closer, licked a damp, slow trail down the nape of his neck. 'God. You're so damn lickable. Like caramel. I want to touch you all over.'

'Trowa.' An edge to it. A warning. 'Stop pushing.'

In retaliation, Trowa did push against him, very definite hardness poking against Wufei's ass.

'D'you let Quat top, ever?'

'Sometimes. He doesn't really like it all that much.' Wufei liked being the one on top, giving so much pleasure, knowing every movement of lips or tongue or fingers would make Quatre groan and squirm underneath.

It would be different with Trowa on top, and he could imagine it all too vividly. Quatre was always too diffident, too scared of causing pain, of not doing it right.

Trowa chuckled, warm breath stirring the hairs on the back of his neck. 'No. He likes lying back and letting someone else do all the work. Is he still bossy as hell in bed?'

'He can be. Trowa, what are we going to do?'

'You,' Trowa said promptly 'are going to resign from Preventers. That would be a start.'

'That wasn't what I meant.'

'I know. But you should do it. Duo's leaving; Heero can handle himself. Une's a bitch; she's always had it in for us, you and me especially.'

'I'm not a field agent anymore. She can't do very much to me.'

'She can kill you through boredom. Or just suffocate you with all those ancient folders you have in your office.'

'What would I do?'

Trowa shrugged. 'Take a holiday. Finish your studies. Go on business trips with Quat. Be a house-husband for a bit. You could do anything; find something you'd actually enjoy. Spend some time with Quat. I was thinking, I should move out this week. Once he's back.'

'You don't have to.'

'I'm not giving up on you,' Trowa said calmly. 'Just giving you guys a little space to yourselves to sort things out. After that, we'll work on the rest of it.'

'There's nothing to work on.'

Trowa laughed, low and husky and ridiculously intimate. At least he couldn't see Wufei's blush. His fingers pressed just a little closer. 'Really? I think there is.'

'I have no idea what you're suggesting,' Wufei said, flustered. This was all so wrong, lying with Trowa wrapped around him, and wanting things that weren't possible, and Trowa's breath on his skin. 'Just because I'm….attracted to you doesn't mean anything. I'd never cheat on him. Never.'

'God, and you think Quatre's the innocent one. I know you wouldn't. That wasn't what I meant at all.'

'You're the one who said it!' Wufei flashed. 'You said you wanted us both.'

'Not exactly,' Trowa corrected.

Loved, not wanted.

That was what he'd said.

~ * ~

Chapter 10

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