"Firsts"

Written By: Waterlilylf

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. All rights remain with Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. No profit being made here.

Rating: R

Warnings: Yaoi, Post Cannon, sap, angst

Pairings: 3x2

Summary: How do you get past losing the love of your life, the person you fell in love with when you were just fifteen? Trowa desperately needs someone special in his life, even if he hasn't quite realised it yet..

"Firsts"

 

First Time to Use the 'L' Word:

Trowa eyed Duo's bulging duffle as he opened the truck's back door. 'You do get that we're going away for two nights, right; not two years?'

Duo made a face at him. 'I do get that, thanks, yeah. And I didn't know what I should pack since you wouldn't tell me where we were going.'

'I did tell you not to bother bringing any clothes.' Trowa slammed the back door and slipped into the front seat, grabbing Duo for a quick kiss. 'You're not going to be needing any. Although I wouldn't mind if you brought those leather pants. I kind of like the idea of peeling them off you.'

'Bloody sex maniac,' Duo grumbled. 'So, you seriously plan to spend the next forty-eight hours in bed?'

'Yep,' Trowa agreed cheerfully. 'As per your instructions, actually. Or maybe on a couch. Or the floor. Bath; shower. Sturdy tables. That kind of thing. Any complaints about any of that?'

'Maybe the floor one,' Duo considered. 'I still have bloody carpet burns from yesterday.'

'I'll kiss them all better,' Trowa promised, pulling out of the Preventers parking garage.

'I'll hold you to that.' Duo grinned at him. 'This is so cool! I love skiving off work.'

'Yeah, we should do it more often.' It was a good idea, that. Even if they were only staying at home, they could go to the beach or for a hike; make the weekend that bit longer. 'No problems leaving early?'

'Nah, I've got tonnes of vacation left, and I'm always doing overtime during the week.' Duo leaned back in his seat and stretched. 'So, you planing to tell me where we're actually going any time soon? 'Cause I will be seeing street signs and stuff.'

'Oh, yeah. Here you go.' He opened the right window on his 'phone and handed it over.

'Nova?' Duo looked down at the screen. 'Seriously? As in Nova that's ninety minutes' drive down the motorway and not some tropical island that has the same name?'

'Nova that's a drive away,' Trowa affirmed, trying to read Duo's expression; whether or not he'd been hoping for a topical island. 'We only have two nights, and you did say you wanted to spend the whole weekend in bed; I didn't think there was any point wasting time hanging around airports or driving for hours. And it looks like a really nice hotel.'

'Whoa, you had me at weekend in bed,' Duo leaned over to kiss his cheek and then scrolled down the screen. 'This is nice. Nature trails all around the grounds; lake with row boats; a stable. That'd be cool. I've always wanted to try horse-riding.'

'A suite with a massive bed and a Jacuzzi and room service,' Trowa countered. 'You needn't think I'm going to let you out the bedroom. And I'm supposed to be the outdoorsy one.'

'Guess you've infected me with the nature bug,' Duo snickered. 'Oh, hey. Bug. Get it?'

'Funny. Not. And you know the best bit?'

'The massive bed?'

'OK, one of the best bits,' Trowa amended. 'No one in the universe knows where we'll be for the next two days. No one organising nightmare dinner parties.'

'It wasn't that bad.'

'Hmm. Compared to what?'

It had been plenty bad, in Trowa's opinion, although the food had been pretty good. Of course, Duo had missed a fair chunk of it. He'd weathered Heero staring at him all though the lobster mousse, and then given in during the roast peppers, throwing his cutlery down with a clatter and stalking out, with Heero a step after. Trowa'd doggedly eaten his way through pheasant and salad and sorbet and tried to focus on the food, and ignore Wufei's smug gloating, or Zechs' doting over him. Duo'd come back in time for dessert, naturally, minus Heero, which had shut up Wufei for a bit, and they'd left pretty soon after.

Pretty bad by anyone's standards.

'No sneaky friends or exes popping up,' he added, thinking about it. Just the two of them in a swanky hotel room, with room service.

'That's what you think.' Duo said darkly. 'I'm pretty sure Heero put some sort of tracking device under my skin years ago.'

'You are joking, right?'

'I'd love to say yes, but it would kind of explain how he always seems to magically know just where I am.'

Oh fuck, he probably had too, the maniac. It would be pretty much in character. 'How are things with him?'

They'd talked, a little bit, driving back to the lighthouse from Fei's, but Duo hadn't been very forthcoming, just said it was sorted, and Trowa hadn't pressed him.

Duo shrugged. 'He's gone to L3 or somewhere, on some job that I think he made up, 'cause no one else knows anything about it. You know Heero. When he's thinking about something, he goes off and hides in his little man-cave 'til he's ready to face the world. It's what he does. But he did say something about maybe meeting up next week, for lunch or whatever. And he's stopped sending me weird shit all time, so I guess we're sort of good. Better.'

'If you say so.'

'Well, better than it was. I think it's finally sunk in that I'm not going back to him. You know, I did try talking to him properly, explaining and shit, but he wasn't interested. He never was,' he added, a bit sadly. 'I always used to try getting him to talk about stuff if he was upset, and he'd just get more pissed off, and go and lock himself away for even longer. I kind of thought you might be like that, actually. I like that you know how to talk.'

'Well, I had Cathy. She was always nagging me to talk about feelings and shit. And Quat. I suppose.'

'Yeah, he did a pretty good job of domesticating you.' Duo sniggered, and then caught Trowa's expression. 'Too soon to joke about that?'

'I'm still pissed off with him if that's what you mean. It was none of his fucking business.'

'When did that ever stop him?' Duo wondered. 'Come on, Tro. This is Quat we're talking about. Of course he was gonna stick his nose in somewhere. It's what he does, right?'

'He should have known better than to get involved with any of this.'

'Yeah, like I said, this is Quat. I mean, you know him better than I do, you know what he's like if anyone does.'

Trowa shook his head. 'You seriously don't mind that your best friend was conspiring with your ex-boyfriend to break us up and get you back with Heero?'

'I don't think he was, not really. The way I see it, Heero asked him for some advice, and Quat just sort of humoured him.I mean, c'mon, Quat knows me pretty well; he'd have known that sending me a bunch of useless stuff wasn't going to accomplish anything. If he'd really wanted to break the two of us up, he'd have told Heero to send me a jetski or a quad bike or something cool. Not stupid flowers or handmade truffles. Who wants crap like that?'

Quat, Trowa thought idly.

Weird.

Quat had been his default thought for so long, he'd hardly noticed that he didn't think about him that much anymore. Well, he had in the past week, but they hadn't been good thoughts.

'So, if Heero'd sent you a jetski, would you gone back to him?'

'Like a shot,' Duo said at once, but he was grinning. 'I've always wanted one.'

'Lucky he didn't send one then.' He took one hand off the wheel, and curled the fingers around Duo's.

'Not lucky for me,' Duo said dolefully. 'Look at me, no jetski and stuck with you dragging me off to have kinky sex for days in some swish hotel. Poor me.'

'Poor you, yeah. You really want the kinky sex?'

'No, but I know you're just waiting to spring it on me. Whips and hot wax and God knows what. Handcuffs even.'

'Handcuffs are pretty fun.'

'Dream on. Hey, since we're having the ex conversation,' Duo went on, 'what's up with Quat, d'you know? I mean, he says he's happy for us and all, but there's something he's not telling me.'

'Back to him, are we? I thought we were discussing bondage. I don't know, really.' He hadn't talked to Quat much in the past week, not since bawling him out for aiding and abetting Heero's insanity. 'Haven't spoken to him in a few days. What's wrong with him?'

'He says nothing, but he was, I dunno, not like himself. I think maybe him and the Mrs. are having issues.'

'They've always had issues,' Trowa said sourly. 'Can we talk about something else?'

'Back to bondage? No way.'

'Back to anything you like that's not either of our exes.'

'Can do. Oh, mind if I take your phone again? I want to take another look at the hotel we're going to.'

'Wow, swish.' Duo's eyes widened an hour later at the sight of the real thing, as Trowa swung the truck into a halt. 'Looks like somewhere Relena might live. Am I going to have to sell an organ or something to pay my share of this?'

Trowa shook his head. 'It was my idea; I asked you. Plus you've done a tonne of work on the lighthouse and you won't let me pay you for any of it.'

Duo shrugged. 'You didn't want most of it. You hated the candelabra when you saw it first.'

'I like it now though.' That, actually, was a bit of an understatement. He loved the thing, now Duo had installed it, loved the way the candles cast flickering shadows under Duo's body in bed, lit the coppery strands in his hair.

Trowa had seen the hotel website, but even without that, he could have predicted exactly what the interior would be like. Heavy, dark furniture, oil paintings of stags and craggy castles and snooty women in ball dresses, stuffed stag heads looming overhead; lush enough carpets not to give either of them carpet burn. (He grinned at that thought.)

Their bedroom was nothing like that, in the new annexe built in a former stable block. The bed, as promised on the hotel website, was a massive thing, draped in crisp white linens.

Oh, yeah. He could happily spend two days in that.

'Ooh, very fancy,' Duo approved, dropping his bag by the door, and looking around. 'No stuffed animal heads either. Excellent! I hate those. Great view too. I can see the lake from here. You wanna take a walk, go and explore a bit?'

'You want to go out?' Trowa asked incredulously. 'Seriously?'

Duo ducked his head. 'Whatever. I'm a bit cramped after all that driving, and it's a lovely afternoon. Mightn't be bad to walk down to the lake maybe, get some fresh air.'

'Or I could try to find some other way to loosen you up?' He pulled Duo close and kissed him, very comprehensively. 'Still so sure you want to go out?'

'You don't play fair, Barton,' Duo muttered.

'All's fair in love and war, Maxwell,' Trowa retorted, smug, and then thought - love? What the fuck? 'OK, come on, we'll go out for an hour, yeah? Then come back and try out the bed?'

The proposed hour ended up stretching well into what was left of the afternoon, in the end. Walking around the lake took twice that, especially with regularly scheduled stops to admire the view, and look at birds, and make out. When they did get back to the hotel, it seemed a shame not to sit on the lakeside terrace for a drink and watch the sunset paint streaks of gold and purple across the sky.

They really were turning into an old married couple, Trowa thought, surprisingly unfazed about it. He'd spent years trying not to go anywhere near happy coupledom, ever since Quat, and now it was all country walks and hand-holding and easy conversation and sunsets. With Duo Maxwell, of all people in the universe.

He'd been pretty sure he'd get a few quick fucks, and then Duo would ricochet back to Heero. Except that hadn't happened, and Duo seemed like a pretty fixed installation in his life.

'So, did you have any dinner plans?' Duo asked, draining his glass.

'Not really,' Trowa said. 'I was kind of thinking room service, but we could probably ask for something to be served out here. Might be nice.'

'Yeah. There are people eating at some of the tables. Want to call the waiter over?'

'Our bar serves light snacks, and our restaurant has a full tasting menu of local specialties.' He reeled off a list; Trowa watched Duo's expression and mentally said goodbye to the thought of a quick snack, or a post-sex dinner in bed. Still, Duo'd be all mellow and happy once he was fed, and had a few more glasses of wine poured into him. He liked the way Duo got when he'd had a couple of drinks; he went all pliant and biddable and didn't mind Trowa being a bit more creative than usual.

The food was honest-to-God amazing, each course served with its own complementary glass of wine, served by a rapt waiter who'd taken one look at Duo, and apparently fallen in love at first sight. He was pretty discreet about it, but he was very attentive and Trowa was pretty sure they got more food and wine than anyone at the neighbouring tables.

'You know,' Trowa teased, as he signed his name to the credit card slip, and added a generous tip for the guy as a consolation prize, 'if you did feel like trying out the whole threesome thing, I think this could be your big chance.'

'You think?' Duo asked levelly, sliding his gaze over the waiter as he walked away. 'He's pretty hot all right. And it's obvious he's up for it. We could ask him what time his shift finishes.'

'You're serious?' Trowa spluttered wine all over his lap.

'About as serious as you are,' Duo said sweetly. 'Don't think either of us is really the sharing type. God, your face, though. Wish I'd had a camera.'

'Brat.'

'You love it.'

That word again. 'I do, yeah.'

He passed Duo the last of the little mint chocolates that had come with their coffees, and gave a mock gasp of shock when Duo shook his head.

'Couldn't eat another thing, seriously,' Duo moaned. 'I'm pretty sure that was the best food I've ever had in my life. Those scallops. And the lobster. And that second dessert; the prosecco and elderflower sorbet. Oh, God. I wanted to marry it. Or the chef.'

Marry me instead, Trowa thought, and then thought, oh, fucking hell.

He'd never wanted just a fling with Duo but, deep down, he'd never really been sure that it would last. If Duo hadn't run back to Heero, he'd half-assumed it would just fizzle out, once they'd binged on the sex.

'Watching you eat it was definitely a five-star experience,' he teased, poking Duo in the side and making him squawk.

'Don't! I've eaten so much, I'll burst if you do that again.'

'What a shame. I was planning to poke you a lot once we get back to the room. Walk 'round the garden first?'

'Please, yeah. I think I need a bit of fresh air. Not used to so much drink in one go.'

'Aha!' Trowa twirled an imaginary moustache, and pulled him out of his chair, and down the steps. 'The first step in my evil plan to get you in a drunken state so I can take advantage of you seems to have succeeded very nicely.'

'Yeah? So what's stage two of the plan? You going to debauch the hell out of me?'

'That was on the cards, yes.' Instead, he slipped an arm around Duo's waist and pulled him in for a gentle kiss. Duo pressed closer, head on Trowa's shoulder.

'This is really nice.'

'Isn't it?' Trowa brushed his lips over Duo's temple.

'There's a path down to that little jetty by the lake. Want to try that? It shouldn't take too long.'

'OK.'

It was almost sickenly romantic. Fairly lights and lanterns in the trees on either side, and the air fragrant with flowers. The gentle lap of water. Duo Maxwell in his arms, sweetly affectionate and teasing, and not objecting at all to Trowa gently slipping his shirt buttons undone so he could bite a trail of nibbling kisses down Duo's bare chest.

'Trowa? What are you doing?'

'You said something about kinky sex. Does doing it outdoors count?'

'We can't!' Nothing more than an automatic protest, Trowa thought. He certainly wasn't moving away; the opposite if anything. 'What if someone comes?' There was definitely a bit of a whine in there, though.

'Then, they'll get to see something that's not in the hotel brochure.' He slid the zip of Duo's jeans all the way down, and slipped off their little bench, nuzzling between Duo's legs. 'Not the one I read anyway.'

God, he loved this. The feel of Duo in his mouth, and those little whimpery sounds, and the way Duo's hands were clutching at his hair. The way Duo slumped against him, after, before he roused himself to move and return the favour.

It was warm enough that it was pleasant just to lie there, on the velvet-soft lawn, afterwards. Romantic as hell, if you were into that sort of things. A star-jewelled sky, and the gentle murmur of water, and Duo curled against him, playing idly with his hair, and throwing in the occasional earlobe-nibble for good measure, because he'd discovered just how much Trowa liked that.

'Y'know, if you keep doing that,' he remarked, 'we'd better either head back to our room, or else you're going to find out what real outdoor sex is like.'

Duo actually thought about it; at least, he was quiet for a minute, with his tongue sliding around Trowa's ear, before he said anything.

'Room, I think. I like the idea of trying out that bed.'

'Me too, oddly enough. Come on.'

Duo got the bathroom first, while Trowa checked the locks on doors and windows, and rummaged in his bag for the super-sized bottle of lube he'd brought.

'You planning to use up all of that?' Duo asked, coming into the room.

'Every drop,' Trowa confirmed, smirking. 'Right. Just give me five minutes. I expect you naked and in bed when I come back.'

'Yes, sir,' Duo said smartly.

He was on the bed, all right, a few minutes later. He was still fully dressed and he was fast asleep.

Trowa gave a rueful, surprisingly fond shake of his head. So much for their promised sexual marathon. Oddly, he didn't mind all that much. His fault anyway; pouring drink into Duo. He got them both undressed and under all those acres of snowy sheets and duvets and pulled the other man into his arms. Duo was much more of a cuddler asleep than when he was awake, he thought fondly, and fell asleep cresting a sudden wave of affection.

It didn't last. Duo woke him to darkness and silence by jabbing a sharp elbow into his stomach; for a mad second, he thought Duo was attacking him for something, and then realised Duo was climbing over him, banging his heel off Trowa's shin in the process.

'Sorry, Tro,' he muttered. 'Gotta piss.'

Trowa mumbled a curse and settled back down. Then he had a sudden thought and flicked on his bedside light. It might stop Duo banging into any more of him when he came back to bed.

'Oh God. Fuck.' Duo grumbled, settling back in beside him. 'I can't believe we both crashed. That's like, so not what I was planning to do to you. You know, we're turning into one of those couples.'

'What couples?' Trowa asked groggily.

'The ones that wear matching sweaters. And go to garden centres on weekends.'

'Duo, you don't even have a garden,' Trowa objected, not entirely sure what was the issue. He'd never been to a garden centre in his life, but he'd thought they were fairly inoffensive places, definitely not deserving of the horrified note in Duo's voice.

'I could end up getting a window box,' Duo said glumly.

'For your balcony? You don't have space. Anyway, what's wrong with going to garden centres?'

'It's just so…domesticated.'

Trowa burst out laughing. 'Maxwell, if you're worrying about us getting domesticated, I hate to tell you, but that ship sailed weeks ago. You've practically re-decorated my entire house, and we cook together all the time, and sometimes when you stay over we don't even have sex.'

'Yeah, but we've never flaked out during the preliminaries before.'

'I think it's excusable after a seven-course meal and however many bottles of wine,' Trowa said dryly. 'And there was a bit of lakefront action. Plus, it was more of a pit-stop than anything.'

'Yeah?' Duo slid back on top of him in one deliciously sinuous movement. 'You nearly ready for the big event now then?'

'Getting there.' He gasped as Duo rubbed against him. 'No, wait, scratch that. I'm there.'

'So, tell me, what exactly were all these things that you were planning to do to me?'

Duo kissed him. 'Whatever you want.'

'You know what I want.' He shifted, very deliberately, lying back on the pillows and spreading his legs.

'Oh.'

Oh, shit. He'd thought they'd got past this. He'd coaxed Duo into topping just once since that night, when he'd had his nightmare, and it had been fucking (no pun intended) terrible. Duo had been clearly terrified of hurting him, hardly moving at all and stopping every two seconds to check he was all right, although he'd let go a bit at the end. They'd at least done it, anyway, and there hadn't been any bad dreams. He thought they'd moved on.

'You all talk and no action, Maxwell?' he teased, trying to lighten things up a bit. 'Not up for it? Or d'you not want me?'

'Just don't wanna hurt you,' Duo mumbled, not looking at him.

Damn.

'Duo, listen. Yeah, I've had some bad experiences in the past. So've you. But it was a long time ago, and I love getting fucked, and I loved you doing it to me, that night. I loved it, OK? And I really, really want it now. Want you in me,' he added dreamily. 'You don't want me?'

'Trowa. You know I do.' He was still hesitating though.

'You going to make me beg for it?'

'No! I just... hell, you know.' He was gnawing his lip, looking down at Trowa, his forehead creased.

Shit. They really had to get past this, somehow. If Duo genuinely didn't like being on top, that was fair enough. But he clearly had the first time, had loved every minute of it, and Trowa really loved being on the bottom, and it was driving him mad that Duo was treating him like some fragile -victim.

'You didn't hurt me the last time,' he said bluntly. 'Well, OK, my ass was pretty sore after you pounding me, but I liked that, liked being able to remember you in me. I'd love you to do it again. Want to wake you in the morning and remember every thing you did to me. I trust you, Duo. Totally. And you have no idea how much I want you.'

'OK.'

Trowa was practically sobbing by the time Duo was ready. Begging definitely. More than a little swearing.

He'd been proud, before, that he'd got to teach Duo the benefits of foreplay, even if he never achieved anything else in his life. Of course, that had been before Duo turned the tables on him, spending several lifetimes getting him ready, before finally bloody well doing something about it.

He was rather impressed, actually, just because he hadn't thought Duo had that much self-control. He'd clearly been saving up, though, and just as clearly lost it as soon as he got started properly. Not much Trowa could do but hang on for the ride (Duo would have bruises the next day; probably they both would) lost in sensation and Duo's eyes staring into his.

Fucking gorgeous, those eyes, and the expression in them. Shining desire and need, yeah, but concern as well, as he started the slow – too slow, damnit! - climb to completion.

'Love you,' he gasped into Trowa's shoulder, and then nothing at all, just the sound of his breath and his heart.

Love you.

It didn't mean anything. Whatever people said during sex never meant anything. Trowa knew that perfectly well.

Still, he wound one long lock of Duo's hair around his wrist and murmured the words back to him.

~ * ~

Chapter 17

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