"Firsts"

Written By: Waterlilylf

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. All rights remain with Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. No profit being made here.

Rating: R

Warnings: Yaoi, Post Cannon, sap, angst

Pairings: 3x2

Summary: How do you get past losing the love of your life, the person you fell in love with when you were just fifteen? Trowa desperately needs someone special in his life, even if he hasn't quite realised it yet..

"Firsts"

 

The Chocolate Hypothesis:

'So,' Duo announces abruptly into his 'phone, 'if I asked you to get me some chocolate, what would you get?'

Trowa laughs. 'Is this a really unsubtle hint that you want me to go out and buy you some?'

'Nope, purely hypothetical. So?'

'Lindt dark chocolate with chilli,' Trowa says promptly. 'Or blueberries. Or if you're having a bad day, or you're tired, you like the salted caramel flavour. Uh, why? Is it some sort of trick question? If it helps, I may possibly have a couple of bars stashed in my desk.'

'Really?'

'Come down and find out,' Trowa challenges, reaching down for the bag of chocolate-covered blueberries from the farmers' market and crinkling the paper enticingly. 'Duo, are you OK?'

'I guess. If I don't get out of here for a bit, though, I'm going to blow this whole freaking place up. Don't suppose you have an hour or so to get a coffee or something? I need to bitch to someone about how much my job sucks.'

Trowa considers for a second. He does have a deadline for the report he's working on, but he's nearly finished, and talking Duo down from destroying HQ would undoubtedly be a more productive use of his time. More fun too, as whatever's bugging him can't be too serious, not if he's willing to talk about it. It's when he doesn't want to talk about stuff that it's a real issue.

'Yeah, sure. Want to meet me in the lobby?'

'Nah, I'll come down to your office,' Duo demurs. 'Check out exactly what goodies you've got hidden in your drawers. Be there in a sec, OK?'

'Sure,' Trowa says again, trying to keep the smile out of his voice. It's partly sheer pleasure at the thought of seeing Duo; partly a little bit of smugness that Duo clearly wants to see him, after a week where he hasn't been around much, and a nice little side order of anticipation that they're going to be alone in his office.

It's all good.

It gets better when Duo walks in. Trowa has a second or two to realise he's in a strop; that much is clear from the thin, tetchy line of his mouth, and the set of his jaw. Then he takes in what Duo is wearing.

He's always had a bit of thing for hot guys in really nice suits. Seeing Duo Maxwell in a very very nice suit, and a shirt that exactly matches his eyes, and one of those narrow ties that looks like a sex toy, is beyond a turn-on. He should come with a government health warning, quite possibly.

'Hey. Wow. You scrub up pretty well. What's the occasion?'

Duo kicks the door closed behind him, and leans against it. 'Got court this afternoon.' The corners of his mouth hook down even more.

'Well, you are a lawyer,' Trowa points out, sliding out of his chair and strolling over. 'It's kind of an occupational hazard, I'd say.'

'Oh, you're so funny,' Duo mutters. 'Not.' He doesn't smile exactly, but he lets his shoulders slump a little, and then lets Trowa lean in to kiss the frown.

'What can I get you?' Trowa murmurs, kissing his way along Duo's jaw-line. 'I do really have chocolate. I was planning to take bring it home and melt it before pouring it all over you, but if you're having a bad day, I guess you could have a couple of pieces.'

That does make Duo smile, even if it comes with an exasperated little exhale of breath. 'You think I'm a kid, that you can give me sweeties and make everything better?'

'Yep,' Trowa says baldy, and actually gets a laugh in return. 'Want to talk about it?'

'No. Just … keep doing what you're doing.'

'Yes, sir.' What he's doing is suckling very gently on Duo's lobe. He does keep on doing that, as instructed, while his hands loosen Duo's tie, slipping a couple of shirt buttons undone. He gives Duo's ear a little nibble that makes him gasp, and then kisses his way down the soft skin of Duo's throat. Softly at first, and then with a little more pressure, and a scrape of teeth. He bites down properly just under Duo's collarbone, sucking hard to make the blood rise.

'Fucking vampire,' Duo grouses, arching into it nonetheless.

'You love it.' He runs his tongue over the little bruise, loving the fact that it will be there all day, hidden neatly under the smart shirt.

'Might as well just brand me and have done with it.'

'This is way more fun, though, 'cause I get to keep doing it.' He smirks at Duo's expression. 'There. Made you feel better, didn't I?'

'And you're stopping there? Seriously, Barton?' Duo shakes his head, and then lets it rest against Trowa's shoulder.

Such a small gesture, and it makes something inside him light up, in a way that has nothing at all to do with sex. Duo Maxwell, in his arms, wanting a little moment of comfort. Trusting Trowa to give it.

'Hey.' He folds Duo carefully in his arms, wanting to shelter the tiny little moment of intimacy, keep it safe from the universe. 'What's wrong? Is there something I can do?'

'You're doing it,' Duo answers, the words just a little muffed by Trowa's jacket. 'It's this sodding court case, is all.'

'Want to talk about it?' Trowa offers. Duo has become that little bit more open about discussing work over the past couples of weeks, once he's realised Trowa is genuinely interested and ready to press past Duo's instinctive responses of 'it's classified' or 'it's boring' or 'you wouldn't be interested'. He hasn't mentioned a court case though, which means it's really bad, or there's something else going on as well.

'Yeah. I don't know. Not really.'

'Hmm?' Trowa slips a hand up and down his spine, slow and easy and soothing, feeling a little bit of tension gradually start to seep away.

'You still want to go out for a bit? Get a coffee or something?'

'OK.' He kisses the top of Duo's head. 'OK. Where d'you want to go? The canteen or out out?'

'Outside, if you don't mind. You have time?'

Trowa shrugs. 'I can take an early lunch. I have a meeting at three but I don't really need to be back 'til then.' There is that damn deadline, but the world won't end if he's an hour or two late. Duo's more important.

''Kay.' Duo opens the door and immediately steps into someone.

'I've been looking for you,' Heero Yuy states accusingly. 'You weren't in your office.'

'Because I was here, funnily enough,' Duo says glibly, taking a quick step back. 'What the hell do you want?'

'I wanted to ask you out. To dinner.'

Duo stares at him. 'Sorry, Heero, but what the hell are you talking about?'

'Dinner,' Heero clarifies, looking past Duo to give Trowa a quick nod. 'The two of us. You used to say you wanted us to go out for a meal.'

'Oh, for fuck's sake,' Duo snaps. 'Yuy, get real. I don't want to have this conversation and I don't want to go to dinner with you, and I wish you'd bloody well stop staking out my office and while you're at it you can stop stalking me.

Heero, single-minded as ever, ignores most of that. 'Why won't you go out with me?'

'I can think of, like, a million reasons. Number one. We broke up, Heero. You do remember us having that whole conversation, right? When I said I was leaving and that we were through?'

'I remember you shouting a lot,' Heero said wryly.

'Yeah, well, obviously I wasn't doing it loudly enough.'

Heero just looks at him. Oh shit. Trowa's seen that expression maybe three times in his life; every time, it was directed at Duo. He knows how Duo responds; how anyone would respond.

'I didn't think you meant it,' he says, very low. 'You'd said things like that before, and you always came back. I don't know why this time is different, Duo. Please, can we just go out and talk?'

'He already said he's not interested,' Trowa says in a rush. Before he even has his mouth open, he knows it's a fucking stupid mistake to say anything, but Heero's still gazing at Duo with all that aching uncertainty, and he can't see Duo's expression and he just wants that moment back before Heero was there, when it was just the two of them.

'I think he can answer for himself,' Heero said coolly.

'Thank you, Heero.' Duo wheels around to glare at Trowa. 'Damn right I can, and I don't get how it's any of your business.'

'Exactly,' Heero puts in, practically preening himself at having Duo's approval. 'Stay out of it, Barton. It's nothing to do with you.'

'It damn well is,' Trowa growls, pushing past Duo to stand in front of Heero. 'We're dating. You do know that, right?'

'You're sleeping with him, yes,' Heero says negligently. 'That doesn't mean anything.'

'Oh, hell!' Duo gives them both an equally filthy look. 'You guys want to fight a duel over me, or have a pissing contest or whatever, fine. Go the fuck ahead, why don't you? But don't do it in my god-damned work where everyone can see, and don't expect that either of you is going to be coming anywhere near me after.'

'Now look what you've done,' Heero says peevishly, as they watch Duo stalk down the corridor.

'What I've done?' Trowa gapes at him. 'Heero, you do get that you tried to proposition my boyfriend in front of me? While I was bloody well standing here and listening? Do you even realise how screwed up that is?'

'He was mine first.'

'Yeah, and maybe you'd still have him if you'd ever given him any sort of attention,' Trowa snaps. 'Why do you even want him back? So you can go back to ignoring him when it suits you?'

There's a moment that just goes on and on, stretching into whirling possibilities. He thinks Heero's going to take a swing at him; then abruptly he turns on his heel and leaves. Following Duo, naturally.

Trowa lets himself breathe out, slow and even. He and Heero have been friends pretty much since they met. Well, maybe more allies or comrades than friends at the start, but they've always got on in a fairly quiet, undemonstrative way. He's pretty sure he's just destroyed that.

He's never had Heero look at him like that before, but they've been on enough missions together to know what Heero Yuy looks like when he wants to hurt someone.

He locks his door, carefully, and nods a goodbye to his secretary who's busily typing and pretending she hadn't been listening all along. And then he walks out of Preventers and just keeps walking. He has no idea where he's going. That's what he thinks until his 'phone buzzes, signalling a new text. He checks just in case it's Duo – It's not; it's Wufei. He doesn't bother opening it, but it does jerk him back to reality, to realising where he actually is.

He's somehow ended up outside the little café where he and Duo had their first almost-date. They've been there a few times since, even though he still doesn't quite get what Duo likes about it so much.

It's quieter than usual when he walks in; just a couple of old grannies at the counter, and Duo. He orders and carries his tray over to the table by the window; the table where they'd sat other man only looks up when he shoves over the giant blueberry muffin.

'Here. Peace offering.'

'So, you guys didn't blow each others' brains out then,' he observes sourly.

'Apparently not. Disappointed?'

Duo snorts, breaking off a piece of muffin and crumbling it on the plate. 'Would make my life a whole lot easier.'

'Is that what you want? Easy?'

'I can dream, can't I?' He bites into the muffin and then licks one fingertip, and uses it to pick up some of the smaller crumbs, before he looks at Trowa, one eyebrow slightly raised and a dusting of icing sugar on his lower lip. 'So?'

'So,' Trowa agrees quietly, taking a sip of his own tea. 'You OK?'

'Yeah. Sorry you got caught up in all that shit. He's just…doing my head in. Seriously.'

'You said something about him stalking you.'

'Eh, that's maybe a bit of an exaggeration. He's been calling me, couple of times a day for the past week or so. It's like a freaking miracle. We were together for years and he sent me the odd email if I was lucky, and suddenly he's calling me all the time. And he keeps giving me more stuff. Like, stupid stuff. Those flowers you saw at my place, and those godawful lemon bars. I got a dozen of those dumb helium balloons yesterday, and I had this huge box of chocolates on my desk this morning. All white chocolate truffles, which I guess he doesn't know I'm allergic to 'cause he was never interested enough to find out. And it's gross that stuff; it's not even proper chocolate made from cocoa beans.'

Ah. That's why he'd been asking about chocolate.

'I don't even know why he wants me back,' Duo goes on glumly. 'Don't think he really does, even. Not me. You know what he's like; he just wants things to go back to how they were before, 'cause he could handle that, and he just doesn't know how to deal with stuff now and he's used to having me run interference between him and the rest of the universe and if I'm not around I'm scared he'll just lock himself away in his house and dream of being back in J's lab or some shit like that.'

'You're worried about him.'

'I guess, yeah. I still care about him, you know? He's just not great with change. I was this constant variable in his life for years, and now I'm not around any more for him and…., yeah, I guess I'm worried.'

'You should talk to him,' Trowa says suddenly. 'Just make the boundaries clear, all right? That he's not getting you back.'

'He's not, no.' Duo reaches over the table and gives Trowa's hand a squeeze. 'You're not tempted to throw me back at him then? Might make your life easier. I do come with a fair amount of baggage and all.'

'Like the ex-boyfriend who used to be an assassin? I can handle it. I think. If Heero doesn't decide to eliminate me and destroy the evidence. One way of getting rid of a rival.'

'He wouldn't.' Duo plaits their fingers together, looking at him. 'What? He wouldn't, Tro. He likes you.'

'More used to like, I think. After you left, he looked like he wanted to kill me.'

'He was just pissed,' Duo says calmly. 'More at me, probably. I'm the one who fucks up and other people get dragged into it. Not your fault. Just an innocent victim.'

'Not that innocent, actually,' Trowa smirks at him.

'Yeah, that's true,' Duo agrees and grins.

'You're not remotely tempted to go back to him?'

'Why, 'cause he gave me a bunch of pointless crap I don't want? That anyone who'd ever met me for ten minutes would know I wouldn't care about? Get real, Tro.'

'I saw the way he looked at you.'

'Yeah.' Duo lowers his gaze at that, lashes sweeping down. 'That. I still care about him. I don't want him to be miserable or lonely or whatever, but…I don't know, I spent ten years trying to be with him. Properly. And it never happened. All the stuff he's doing, it's too late.' He picks up the last piece of muffin, dips it into the little bowl of whipped cream, and puts it down again. 'And you got me this. That kind of puts you ahead on points.'

'Because I got you a cake?'

'Because you know I have a serious thing for blueberries, and you got them to heat it up for just how long I like it, and you asked for the maple syrup on the side because you know I like pouring it out myself, and you got them to put the cream in a separate little dish so it won't melt too soon. You know I like all those things. Heero only ever notices stuff if he thinks it's important, for a mission or whatever. I wasn't.'

'You are important.' If they weren't in this particular café, he'd show him just how much, but he knows Duo likes coming here, it's one of his places and he knows some of the regulars who cluck and fuss over him like grandmothers, and the waitresses, who slip him extra portions.

'The thing with Heero, that's why you've been avoiding me all week?'

Granted, avoiding is maybe a bit too strong a term, but he'd suggested meeting up a few times after work and, while Duo had seemed regretful, his excuses genuine, it's still been seven days since they spent any length of time together. Not since the night he'd stayed over in Duo's.

'Part of it, maybe. Come on, Tro. The last time we were together, it didn't exactly end that well, did it?'

That's it then. Hardly a surprise. Quat hadn't been able to handle Trowa's nightmares either. 'OK,' he says heavily. 'I get it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out like that.'

Duo just stares at him. 'You're what? Tro, you didn't do anything. I just thought you mightn't want to be around me for a bit, after what happened. What I did, I made you have those nightmares again.'

'No!' Trowa almost shouts, remembering at the very last minute that they're in a genteel tea-room full of grey-haired old biddies. 'Duo, that's not how it was at all. Isn't how it is. I have these dreams, nightmares, whatever, and sometimes, yeah, I can look back and say what probably triggered them and sometimes I haven't a clue. It's just something that happens and it's probably not ever going to stop, but it doesn't mean I'm not going to want to be with you. I mean that, Duo. OK?'Specially if you're wearing that suit you have on.'

'Like it, do you?'

Trowa nods. 'Oh yeah. Like it nearly as much as I like you naked. Want to take it off you as soon as possible, just so I can decide which I actually prefer.'

Duo leans closer, across the tea cups and doilies and muffin crumbs. 'Sounds like you got it all planned out, Mr. Barton.'

'Actually, still working on some of the finer details,' Trowa admits. 'I kind of like the idea of sucking you off while you're dressed like that, but then I like having you naked as well. I don't think I'll be getting much done this afternoon, trying to decide .'

'I don't get any say in any of this?'

'Sure you do,' Trowa says carelessly, keeping his voice low because he doesn't want to give some blue-rinsed granny a heart attack. Or an orgasm. 'You get to say please and harder and Trowa, you're a fucking sex god and..'

I love you.

He doesn't say that out loud. Doesn't know where it comes from. It's just there.

And Duo is laughing at him with a tiny smear of maple syrup at the corner of that gorgeous kissable mouth, and damn, he doesn't care about giving the grandmothers a thrill any more. Duo tastes sweet; of all the things he'd been eating. Blueberries and cream and maple syrup. It's a kiss to wallow in, to roll around in the syrupy sweetness of it all. To drown in. Piercingly sweet, and he thinks they both smile all the way through it, if such a thing is even possible.

Duo's mouth is still deliciously curved when they do stop, smiling at Trowa. For Trowa. Just the two of them grinning at each other like loons.

Then the door opens, and Duo's expression changes. Trowa thinks at first it has to be Heero, but it's Wufei.

'How the hell did you know where we were?' Duo demands.

Wufei rolls his eyes, and then turns away to give the waitress very specific instructions on what tea he wants and how he wants it prepared. 'Duo,' he says loftily, 'that running and hiding thing you do is only effective if you don't always run off to the same place. Everyone knows where you go.'

'Huh,' Duo mutters. 'So, you just fancied a cup of tea or what?'

Wufei looks around at the lace doilies and china kitties on the walls, one lip curled disdainfully. 'Hardly. They don't even have a decent Lapsong Souchong in this place. You need to sort this mess out. All three of you. I got a text an hour ago from your secretary, Barton. She was terrified you and Heero were going to kill each other.'

'Well, we didn't,' Trowa mutters. 'Obviously.'

'You need to do something,' Wufei orders crisply.

'People break up, 'Fei,' Duo looks up, finally. 'Yeah, it sucks, but it's what happens. And Heero can bloody deal with it.'

'You ended it, Duo. You never gave him a chance to try to fix things; to see if there was anything he could do to stop you. You just walked out after ten years and jumped straight into bed with one of his closest friends.'

Duo flushes. 'It's not like it was this big premeditated seduction scene, Chang. It just sort of happened.'

'That's not important. You need to talk to him, Duo. It isn't fair, the way you're behaving. You could at least make some attempt to be discreet, and instead you're flaunting it in front of him, the way you two are together.'

'I'm not!' The flush intensifies, though, lashes sweeping down on to his cheeks.

'You are,' Wufei says coolly. He gives the waitress who brings his tea a supercilious little nod, and takes a tentative sip of tea, before making a face at the cup and setting it back down on its little flower-strewn saucer. 'Enough, Duo. Either you sort it out, or I'll do it. Do you hear me?'

'It's none of your business.'

'I'd prefer if it didn't have to be, no. But I think the three of you have provided more than enough scandal over the last few weeks. And now you need to fix it, if you still care anything for him. I assume I'll see you both back at work.'

'Ouch.' Duo's says as he walks off, trying to make light of it, but he's flushed and not quite meeting Trowa's gaze.

'He's right, you know. Some of what he said.'

'Yeah. I get that. He's always fucking right. Hell, Tro. It's not like I set out to hurt him.'

'I know,' Trowa says softly. He takes one of Duo's hands in his, and just holds it, remembering their first time. He knows it wasn't planned, not premeditated, as Duo had said, but Duo'd been pissed, and he'd probably have done it with anyone who was halfway willing. At some level, he probably had known that choosing Trowa, of all people, would escalate things.

'What are you going to do?'

'How the fuck do I know?' Duo snaps. 'Oh, sorry, sorry. It's not your fault. I don't know. I'll talk to him. I will. I dunno. Maybe we can still be friends or something.'

'You miss him.' It's not exactly a question.

'Miss what? Getting fucked once in a blue moon? Putting up with him not talking for days if he was working on something? ' Duo flares, and then just deflates. 'Yeah. Stupid, huh? I do miss him.'

'It's all right.' God, it's not like he has any right to be jealous, given that he still has Quat in his life. 'I don't want to lose him either. I think you should talk to him, you know. Spend some time with him. I won't mind.'

'Yeah.' Duo sighs heavily, and then nods. 'I guess. Look, I've got to be in court in a couple of hours. You still want to get some lunch? I could do with a sandwich or something.'

'Lunch would be good. And dinner? At the lighthouse?'

Duo grins, finally. 'And breakfast in the morning?'

'And a lot of sex in between? You bet.'

~ * ~

Chapter 15

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