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"Meditations on the Colour Blue"Written By: Waterliliylf Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. All rights
remain with Bandai, Sotsu and associated parties. No profit being
made here. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Sap, angst, fluff Pairings: Wufei/Zechs get together. Background
1x2, 3x4 Summary: When Wufei takes a sabbatical to finish
his new book, his aim to write loses focus due to noisy neighbours...but
is that such a bad thing when one of them happens to be a handsome
prince? "Meditations on the Colour Blue" Chapter 14: As soon as he'd walked away from Zechs, Wufei headed for the harbour, and that in itself showed just how much he'd changed over the past few days. He'd spent a lifetime wrestling independently with his own problems and believed he'd been a stronger person because of it. Now, his first instinct was to go to Duo. His friend was nowhere in sight when he approached the Peacemillion. Heero was there, though, standing by the rail and drinking coffee and glaring at a couple of hovering seagulls. He acknowledged Wufei with a brief nod. 'If you're looking for Duo, he's in the shower. Can you wait a few minutes?' Wufei nodded back, stepping on board under Heero's mildly curious gaze. 'Is everything all right?' 'Not really,' Wufei admitted, desperately needing to talk to someone. Anyone. Heero looked slightly panicked. 'I'll get Duo. Duo! Can you come up here? Now!' Duo, dressed in microscopic shorts and with a sopping mane of hair trailing down his back, ran on deck. 'What's wrong, babe? Oh, hey, Wufei.' 'He needs to talk to you. And I need to go.' Duo gave Wufei a quick grin. 'Just give me a sec, OK?' Turning to Heero, he wrapped both arms around his partner's neck and gave him what looked like an incredibly thorough kiss. 'I'll see you later, babe. Don't worry about anything; I know you're going to be amazing. Call me.' Heero said something in his partner's ear, too softly for Wufei to hear, but that made Duo blush, gave Wufei another nod, and headed for his car.' 'Sorry he wasn't being his usual sociable self, but he's totally freaking about this presentation. He hates the thought of speaking in public.' 'That's not until tomorrow, isn't it?' Duo nodded. 'Yeah. But there's a load of visiting oceanographers and biologists arriving today, and he's got to give this big welcome speech and stuff. He's petrified, was up at four listening to his seaweed tapes.' 'I didn't know seaweed makes noise. Unless you pop it.' He'd done that on the beach for the first time the other day. 'Shit, don't tell Heero you've ever done that; he thinks it's murder. And no, it doesn't really make a sound. I think it just blows in the breeze or ripples seductively in the water or something.' He laughed. 'I knew he really loved me the first time he said my hair reminded him of Laminaria; that's a type of kelp. It's actually kind of pretty. Anyway, you didn't come here to listen to all that. What's up? I thought you and Zechs were firing on all cylinders last night? Did something go wrong?' 'Not last night, no.' Wufei blushed, and kept on resolutely. 'Last night was fine.' 'Fine?' Duo tossed his sodden mass of hair over one shoulder and gave him a straight look. 'I damn well hope it was better than that.' 'It was. It was…. I don't know how to describe it.' Duo whistled. 'That good? Cool! So what's the big deal? Don't you respect him any more?' 'Of course I do!' Wufei buried his face in his hands. 'It all went wrong this morning. We were in the pool and kissing and when I looked up, Quatre was standing there.' 'And?' Duo looked at him curiously. 'We were naked!' 'I'm guessing Quat's seen naked guys before. What's the big deal?' 'What's the big deal?' Wufei hissed. 'Haven't you listened to a word I've said?' 'Yes. I don't get why you're so worked up though. Were you having sex?' 'No! We were just kissing…and holding each other.' Another blank look. 'So? You weren't nearly this freaked out when I walked in on you guys yesterday.' 'We weren't naked then! And you're my friend. Quatre's so prim and proper; I'll never be able to look him in the face again.' Duo spluttered with laughter. 'Well, he's probably feeling the same way about you right now. Or any other part of your anatomy. I guess they got an earlier flight than they'd planned. I didn't think they were arriving 'til this afternoon.' 'Zechs told me that you knew they were coming. How long are they staying? Why did you not tell me?' 'Heero only told me last night. They're only here for a couple of nights. Quat wants to be there for Heero's thing tomorrow. Didn't he call you? He told Heero he was trying to get in touch with you.' 'I didn't know. Do you think I can book into a hotel in Marbella or somewhere until they go?' 'Why would you want to do that? You can stay with Zechs, surely. Or here, though it might be a bit cramped. You don't mean to tell me that you're running away from home because Quatre saw you in the nude?' 'It isn't just that.' Wufei took a deep breath, sliding down to sit on the sun-warmed deck. 'He rang Zechs yesterday afternoon, while we were out together, and told him all kinds of awful things about me, that I was planning to leave soon and that I was just using him, and I'd never intended to stay around. I honestly don't want to be anywhere near him right now.' Duo sighed, flopping down beside him and shaking his wet hair, drenching Wufei in the process. 'Look, here's the thing, and you're probably not going to like it. If you're as serious about Zechs as I think you are, you're going to have to accept that Quatre's a part of his life. They've been friends since they were kids, and I know he helped Zechs a lot after his parents died. He's not just going to cut Quat out of his life.' Wufei glared at him. 'What - and I'm supposed to sit back and let him try to split us up?' 'Never said that. You should call him on what he did. If he realises you're serious about Zechs, he'll probably lay off. Actually, speaking from bitter experience, you're better off having it out with him sooner rather than later. When Heero and I got together, he did his damnedest to break us up. He made certain assumptions about me based on how I dress, and the fact that I like to flirt a bit, and decided I wasn't nearly good enough for a friend of his and that Heero didn't need to be with some slutty guy like me.' 'I certainly can't see Heero standing by and letting Quatre insult you,' Wufei commented, mentally chalking up another black mark against Quatre. 'Did he really call you that?' 'Not in so many words, but it was pretty obvious that he thought it. The thing is Quat's pretty damn sneaky when he wants, and Heero's not so great at the emotional stuff, and we did fight a lot the first few months we got together.' He gave Wufei a little grin. 'I'm pretty slow; it took me a while to work out that him chasing me whenever I ran off meant that he really had to care about me. Anyway, I think Quatre must have said something pretty bad about me one day and Heero just about took his head off. Things got better after that; he's not a bad guy, you know. You just can't let him get away with anything.' 'I thought you didn't like him.' Duo looked faintly surprised. 'I like him all right when he's not trying to interfere in stuff that's none of his business. I've had to sit him down a couple of times and tell him to back off.' The grin returned. 'It's sort of like training a dog; you have to set boundaries and be really strict about keeping them enforced. Heero and Zechs give him way too much slack.' Wufei sniffed. 'I have no intention of letting him get away with anything. Zechs and I are a couple and he'll just have to accept that.' 'Way to go! Keep that attitude and you'll be fine. You look great, by the way. That colour really suits you.' 'Does it?' Wufei glanced down at himself; he'd had no idea what he was wearing. He'd just grabbed the first of his carrier bags and thrown on the contents. 'Yeah. You should wear green more often. And leave the hair down.' He deftly reached out and flicked off Wufei's hair elastic. 'Much better. Why d'you tie it back all the time anyway?' 'It gets in my eyes. It's annoying.' 'Well, sometimes you have to suffer to look good. Here!' He produced a triangle of faded red cloth from one pocket and handed it over. 'Ever worn a bandana? Cool! Now you look like a pirate! Look out, Quatre. Captain Wufei's on the horizon.' Wufei couldn't help laughing. He and Zechs had already begun to work on that particular fantasy but his lover did like to see his hair down. 'What, do you think we should fight a duel or something?' 'Over Zechs' swooning body?' Duo grinned at him, and then sobered. 'Listen, don't be too hard on Quat. He's had a pretty crappy life, just between us. Mother died giving birth to him, father blamed him and farmed him out to nannies and then boarding school once he was old enough. That's where he met Zechs and 'Ro, so they're sort of like a surrogate family for him, and really, he's just terrified of losing them.' 'That's awful.' Wufei shook his head, unable to imagine a situation like that. He'd grown up in a huge extended family; even though his parents had mostly been preoccupied with their own careers, he'd never doubted their love and support and there had been grandparents and aunts to indulge him. 'Yeah. I never had any proper family either, so I guess I do sort of identify with him a bit. And I know that he's always been there for Zechs and Heero. I'm not saying you have to be his best bud or anything; just realise that those three have been close since they were little kids. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to deprive Heero of that sort of support. Even if I do want to whack Quat over his cute blond head sometimes.' 'Point taken. I'll try to be civil, at least. Thank you.' 'No problemo. You want to go get an ice cream or something?' Wufei shook his head at the abrupt subject change. 'I don't think I've eaten ice cream since I was a little boy.' 'Then you're seriously missing out. I know this great place that does a zillion different flavours. I'll just go below and grab a t-shirt and my wallet.' He hadn't been exaggerating, Wufei decided ten minutes later, gazing at a rainbow-bright display. He'd hadn't realised ice-cream came in so many flavours. Or colours. 'So, what d'you fancy?' 'I have no idea,' Wufei said honestly. 'Something simple. Vanilla, I think.' Duo gave him a nudge with one elbow. 'Vanilla's boring! You can come up with something better than that.' He went with Duo's suggestions, ending up with a towering cone of raspberry sorbet, topped with chocolate and pistachio. 'How is it?' 'Cold.' Wufei wasn't entirely sure whether he liked it or not. 'Very sweet.' 'Excellent definition of ice cream!' Duo laughed at him, happily digging into his own confection and not noticing that a couple of other customers were practically drooling over him. 'So, how d'you feel about meeting Trowa again? When was the last time you saw him?' 'Trowa? Gods, I'd almost forgotten he was here as well.' Unbelievable, but it was perfectly true. 'At least he wasn't with Quatre at the pool! Gods, that would have been even more embarrassing!' 'Why would it?' Duo gave him a sly little grin. 'You don't want your ex to see you wrapped around your new squeeze, who happens to be one seriously hot guy? Show him he's not the only one who can pick up blonds when he wants to?' Wufei shrugged. 'I don't care about that sort of thing. Trowa and I are still friends.' He wasn't entirely sure how true that was, really. After the most amicable separation in recorded history, they'd certainly gone through the motions of staying friends, carefully arranging to meet once a week or so to see a movie, or work out at the gym. There had always been some sort of activity to focus on, and no time for any real conversation. Quatre had been the one to organise lunches and dinners for the three of them, and the one who talked during most of them, while Trowa gazed adoringly at him. 'Yeah? Are you looking forward to seeing him again? My friend Hilde says that the only way you can stay friends with an ex is if you were never really in love in the first place.' 'I don't know,' Wufei said honestly, deciding he didn't much care for pistachio ice-cream. 'Maybe she's right. Maybe we didn't really feel that strongly about each other. It certainly didn't take him long to move on after we broke up.' That was it, probably; the thing that hurt the most. He'd tried hard to understand what Trowa had wanted; the silly fairytale romance. He hadn't tried to stop the other man leaving him. In all honesty, they'd been getting on rather well straight after the break-up, getting back to the friendship they'd had before becoming lovers. And then, before he'd had time to adjust to the new situation, Trowa had met Quatre. 'We've been getting on all right. We had dinner a couple of weeks ago, the three of us, and he's emailed me a couple of times since I got here.' Duo nodded. 'I'm asking because he's actually outside and it looks like he's coming in.' 'What?' It was perfectly true and Wufei felt a quite ridiculous little moment of panic. Quite ridiculous. 'Wufei?' He tended to forget how tall Trowa was; not as tall as Zechs but still imposing enough. And his eyes were that amazing green. Not blue. 'Good to see you. Do you think we could talk for a few minutes?' 'Sure,' Duo beamed up at him. 'Nice to see you too. What d'you want to talk about?' Trowa looked slightly off-balance for a moment. 'Sorry, Duo. Hello. Would you mind if I spoke to Wufei alone?' 'Yes, actually,' Duo said impishly. 'We were in the middle of a conversation. It's not really that polite to barge in on two people and just ignore one of them, you know. Hasn't Quatre taught you better manners than that?' 'Duo, leave it,' Wufei told him firmly. Things were awkward enough without a fight starting. 'Please. I should be going anyway; I told Zechs I wouldn't be long. Trowa, I'm going to walk back along the beach. You can come if you want to talk to me. Duo, I'll call you later.' 'Make sure you do.' His friend reached up with a napkin and wiped Wufei's mouth. 'Ice cream,' he whispered. 'You'd better go before Barton tries to kill me for touching you like that. And for the record, he may be with Quat, but he isn't over you. Not the way he's looking at you.' Wufei was silent as they headed down the path from the harbour to the sea. They both were, which, he supposed, had been a fairly normal state of affairs for them. With Zechs, he indulged all those flights of fancy, talked about anything and everything and nothing. His conversations with Trowa had been primarily factual. 'I almost didn't recognise you,' Trowa said finally. 'Not with your hair like that, and in those clothes.' Following the flight of a seagull over the waves, Wufei concentrated very hard on not blushing. Those clothes…Duo had insisted on him buying the sea-green, sleeveless t-shirt, which was made of some fabric that clung to his chest. He hadn't planned ever to wear it, though. Well, not in public. Perhaps for Zechs, in the moon-garden some night. But he'd grabbed it without thinking and Duo had been right; Trowa was definitely looking at him. What was that supposed to mean? Trowa was the one who'd left; the one who'd claimed it hadn't been working out. 'I thought you were some hippy friend of Duo's at first.' 'I could hardly wear a suit on a beach,' Wufei said sniffily. 'Wufei, I didn't mean it like that. You look amazing. I'm sorry.' He stopped walking, turning to face the other man. 'I'm sorry. I've just come off a long flight; my brain's not working too well. Can we start this conversation over? I meant it when I said it was good it see you. I was worried about you. We both were.' 'I have no idea why.' 'Because we've been trying to contact you since early yesterday morning. You weren't answering your 'phone, you weren't replying to your emails. I know you; you're never out of contact like that.' Wufei shrugged. 'And you thought – what exactly? That I'd gone and drowned myself for love of you?' 'No,' Trowa said quietly. 'Not that. But you are in a strange country, and you don't know anyone, and you've been depressed for months.' 'I have not!' He hadn't. He'd been sad, yes. That was perfectly natural, following the break up of a long term relationship and the loss of a close friend. But he hadn't been depressed. He'd been coping perfectly well. Trowa sighed. 'Fine. I know you don't like talking about this kind of thing, but I know that I hurt you when I left. And I do still care about you.' Staring out to sea, Wufei took a deep breath. 'You did hurt me, yes.' It felt odd to admit it aloud, to Trowa. He'd tried so hard to pretend it hadn't mattered. 'I'm so sorry I didn't latch on to the first convenient blond I met, so you could feel better about what you'd done.' 'Quatre wasn't just convenient,' Trowa said tightly. 'I love him.' 'So you've told me. How lovely for you both. What did that make me, Trowa? If you never loved me, what was I? A nice easy fuck until you met your one true love? Do you have the slightest idea how that makes me feel?' 'It wasn't like that,' Trowa snapped. 'Of course I never felt like that about you! You were never exactly forthcoming with your feelings, were you? Half the time, I never knew if you were going to treat me as your boyfriend or your roommate or whether it would be convenient for you to spend time with me. And when you were writing, I could have spontaneously combusted in front of you and you'd have ignored me, Fuck, when I told you I wanted us to break up, you acted like you couldn't have cared less.' 'What was I supposed to do? Cry? Beg you on my knees to stay?' Wufei gave a contemptuous little sniff. 'That wouldn't have made any difference, would it? You'd still have chosen Quatre and I would have humiliated myself for nothing.' 'Telling someone how you feel about them is hardly humiliating.' 'It is when they're already made it very clear that they don't want to be with you, and that they've already found your replacement, who just happens to be their perfect soulmate.' Wufei bit his lip; his voice had been quavering on the last few words. 'So, you tell me, Trowa, since you're the expert on relationships. What should I have done?' Gods, he couldn't believe he'd actually said of that aloud. Shaken, Wufei collapsed on to a convenient driftwood log. Trowa stood looking at him for a minute and then sat beside him, carefully not touching. 'I'm sorry.' Trowa spoke very quietly. 'I'm so sorry that I hurt you. We were friends, once, before anything else. I'd really like to be your friend again, it that's possible. Not just the way we've been for the past year, but properly. I miss you, 'Fei. A lot.' 'I miss you too,' Wufei mumbled, meaning it. 'I'm sorry I screwed everything up for you. Maybe it did work out in the end though. I hear you and Zechs are a bit of an item.' 'Rather more than that, actually,' Wufei said firmly. He'd meant to stalk off, having got rid of all that raw emotion, but Trowa looked perfectly miserable. And, in a backhanded sort of way, it was due to Trowa that he'd met Zechs. The other man shook his head, hair tumbling down over his forehead. 'I'd never have thought of you two hooking up.' 'What's that supposed to mean? That someone like me couldn't possibly hold his attention for long?' 'No! Come on, of all people, I should know just how enthralling you are. I just meant that he has a certain reputation.' 'That's my concern,' Wufei said tartly. Enthralling. Zechs had called him that. Trowa had never said anything like that when they'd been together, and he would have probably scoffed if he'd tried. 'And if I were all that enthralling, why did you want to leave in the first place?' He knew if probably came out sounding petulant and whiny, but he didn't care at this point. 'Because…' Trowa sat up straight suddenly, shaking his hair back. 'Because I knew – I thought I knew – how it could have been between us. That we could have been a proper couple. Not just good friends who slept together when they felt like it. And there were times, just a few, when it was like that. I did try to explain it to you, but I didn't do it very well, I think.' 'That's how it is with Zechs,' Wufei said softly, suddenly realising what Trowa meant. Trowa was a good friend; they'd lived harmoniously together; they'd been compatible sexually. But it had never been love. The truth, if he were to be brutally honest, was that he'd been missing Trowa far more as his best friend, one of a tiny handful of people whom he could trust and confide in than as a lover. 'And you, you feel like that with Quatre?' Trowa shrugged. 'I did. I think we're through.' 'What?' Wufei stared at him. Zechs had mentioned the two of them having problems, but not like this. 'I thought you two were, well, perfect together.' And he'd resented it. Resented seeing them together, in all their shining happiness. The way the little blond looked at Trowa, like he was the most marvellous being in creation. Perfect Quatre, all warm and impulsive and openly loving. Everything that Wufei wasn't. Hadn't been, he corrected himself. With Zechs, he could be just like that. Zechs made him want to be like that. 'What's the matter?' Another shrug. 'Everything. I guess once the honeymoon period was over, Quatre threw himself back into his job. He'd taken some time off to be with me and he had to make that up and he's obsessed with trying to please his father. I can literally count the number of hours we've spent together in the last month.' 'He does have an important job,' Wufei offered. 'Yeah, but he doesn't have to live in his office. He kept promising that things would change once this deal or that merger went through, but it never did. We had a fight yesterday, just before going to the airport, about all kinds of stuff. I don't know. Maybe we should just call it quits.' 'That's getting to be a pattern, isn't it? You find someone, and then it doesn't work out exactly the way you'd wanted so you just give up and move on? If you love him, maybe you should try to work it out. He's always seemed to be crazy about you. I think, well, Duo said that sometimes you just need to be tough with him. Tell him to leave work at a certain time or you'll come and drag him by the hair. That sort of thing.' Trowa gaped at him. 'Are you seriously giving me relationship advice?' 'Just passing it on, actually.' Wufei winked at him. 'He might like it if you go all masterful.' Zechs had liked it…. Oh Gods. He'd been gone for well over an hour, and poor Zechs was probably still waiting for him. 'I have to go.' He stood up hurriedly, thinking of the look in Zechs' eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, when he'd left. 'It feels like you're walking away from me.' That was what he'd said, and Wufei had just given him that one quick, awkward kiss for reassurance and then left. He'd walked away from the man he loved without a backward glance, and left him waiting. Damn. 'Good luck with Quatre.' 'Good luck with Zechs.' Trowa grinned. 'Not that you need it. From what he's told Quatre, he seems to be totally head over heels about you. I'm glad you've found someone who cares for you that much.' 'It's mutual.' Wufei hesitated, and then gave him a quick, awkward hug. 'I'll see you tomorrow. I need to find him. We've got some unfinished business to take care of from earlier.' He shivered slightly, remembering how it had felt to have that hard, warm body pressed against his. Oh, yes, there was definitely unfinished business between them. They would barricade the castle doors if necessary, but this time there were going to be no interruptions. He pointed up the beach toward Quatre's villa. 'And you need to talk to Quatre.' He winked. 'Make sure you keep him occupied for the next twenty four hours or so. Zechs and I don't need any visitors for the immediate future.' .
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