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"Music and Notes" Written By: Stone Angel
Disclaimer: I WISH I was making money off this.
And I wish I owned the characters. But, sadly, they're just my playthings
and other people who are richer and happier than I can claim otherwise. Pairing: Heero and Duo, Duo and Heero, and any
combination therein. Category: EXTREME ANGST! Rating: R for language and angst. Warnings: As stated above, EXTREME ANGST. POV, sap, language, blood, deathfic. Summary: "After the war, Heero and Duo live together, but Happily Ever Afters aren't as easy as they seem." NOTES: This fic is very sad so please do not read it without tissues. If you did not just click the Back Button at the top of your page, thanks. ^_^ If you manage to finish it, PLEASE send feedback. It is much appreciated. ~Leia
"Music and Notes"
Have you ever listened to a song and really appreciated the way that all the notes just seem to come together and work with one another to make the song? I mean, just sat and thought, `Wow. This amazing piece of music is made up of just a few notes, but the way that they are put together is what makes it music.' Ever? Yeah, neither did I. Before. But that was before. Before everything. And before everything came to an end and became nothing. My name is Duo Maxwell. I'm only Nineteen, but I know everything there is to know about life. I learned everything one could about love. But, before that, I learned how to make money on the streets for food as a child, I learned how to take care of myself. I learned how to live. Then I learned what loss was. And I became a Gundam Pilot and I learned how to kill. And I was exceptionally good at it. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I got my jollies that way, but I did enjoy fighting for the cause. Death was my cause. I was killing myself. I had always been prone to bouts of self-destruction or suicide. Hell, I think all of us were. But this was different. I was fighting so that there wouldn't be any more kids like me. Confused orphans wandering the streets like moving targets for anyone with a gun and a hard-on. I didn't want any more parents to be killed and leave their children to the streets. It can make children into monsters. I wanted to kill the chance of ME ever happening again. Strange thought, isn't it? Aborting myself. Well, I had to fight for something. Why not something good? I wasn't supposed to be born, anyway. And does the world really need a bunch of Me's? I think not. Too many would die if there were more of Me out there. You see, death is my gift. I gave it to anyone who tried to stop my crusade. But it is also my curse. It falls on those around me. Those I hold dear. Those I loved. Those I love. It follows me like it has my whole life and like it will until I finally die. I can't stop it, it just happens. You know the fable about how everyone Death touches dies soon after? Meet Death. Let's skip the handshake and get started, shall we? All this is only background. I have a story to tell. I was talking about music. Music is a combination of notes that makes something more. But only sometimes. If one were to walk up to a Piano and hit a bunch of random keys, it wouldn't sound too hot. But the right keys pressed together make a chord. As in "accord". As in Harmony. Harmony. That is something that everyone wants. It doesn't matter who people are, they all want it. And I found it. With someone who was thought to be the coldest bastard
to ever walk the Earth or fly in space. We all know who I'm talking
about. During the war, he liked guns, spandex, and jumping off high
buildings. And he had a stare that could make a hardened knife fighter
stop and rethink his life choices. Oh, man, I couldn't tell you how
many times It wasn't easy. During the war, Heero pretty much kept to himself and acted like conversation was painful if it wasn't a necessary discussion. But after the war... Things changed. For both of us. He stopped being a soldier. I stopped being Death. Things were good. And we became close. Very close. VEERRYY close. And it was so nice... It started out because we both needed a friend who understood all the shit we went through. When we hit it off there, we moved in together under false last names. As friends. See, there was a huge increase in rent, now that places were getting cleaned up and even the slums looked nice and weren't cheap to live in. So we moved to an old city on Earth on the Central West Coast of North America. We figured that if we were going to pay a pretty penny for rent, it had better be for a pretty place, ya know? Those were nice times. We would talk about everything. Everything from whether or not to get a pet, to the war, to some pretty heated discussions about politics. Sometimes we would talk all night. Our beds were in the same room. The apartment was great, but it had only one bedroom. It didn't bother us, we'd both had to sleep in our Gundams before. And after sharing a prison cell together for a while, we pretty much figured that it didn't matter if we shared a much bigger room. We didn't really have any secrets from each other. We were good friends, and as such, we shared a mutual respect for each other. And then that became mutual feelings. I'll never forget the first time we kissed. Movies always say that it's magical or something. "Magical" doesn't come close to what we shared right then. It was a crystal clear night. One where the stars seem like they are sparkling extra hard to make up for less sparkly nights. We were walking home from the market. There's a lovely walkway along the bay. To our right was the water, to our left was a park with trees and bushes and grass and things that made it look natural even though it had been designed and made by men. We both had our hands full of grocery bags. Yeah, we didn't exactly have money for a car. But it wasn't like we really needed one. There were busses and the B.A.R.T and Taxi's, and trying to drive a car in the city was like suicide. No, actually suicide is nicer. With a lot less rude people. Anyway, we were talking about what we wanted to do with our lives. You know, now that they were all, like, ahead of us and stuff. It was weird, all of a sudden NOT thinking that we could die at any moment. I had just told him about refining. He was blowing my mind by telling me about programming. I'm great with electronics and mechanics and junk, but programming is TOTALLY out of my league. I really didn't understand a word of what he was saying, but I loved to hear him talk. I hardly ever heard him talk for so long. I couldn't miss a word now. A sea breeze came up and rustled his hair while it played with my braid a little and we both stopped at the same time to enjoy it. It's amazing how war makes you appreciate the little things you live to see and feel. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back a little. When I opened my eyes again, the moon was almost right in front of them and I smiled. The first time I had ever really paid that much thought to Heero was as I was looking at the moon for the first time on Earth. And it was beautiful. And it still is. "Hn." Heero said next to me. "It never really looked so amazing in space. It just looked like a rock. You know? Dead?" "Nn. Yeah. I like it this way better. I like everything better on Earth." I said as I continued to gaze at the Moon. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him nod as he gazed at it as well and then turn his head to me. "Me, too." I was so tempted to say "You, too." but I bit my tongue. After a moment of silence, he spoke again. "You are like the moon." His voice was soft and held a smile. I turned to him with a small frown. "Heero, if you mean that I'm too pale or fat or something, just say it." I growled at him. "It was hard to get a tan in space, and I know I eat a lot, but_" He shook his head with a small half-smile on his lips. "Iye. You're fine. I mean that... When I look at you now... I see you differently. You look... Heavenly. It was different when we were in space. But now, when I look at you, it's like I'm seeing you for the first time. And you're beautiful. Like the moon." I was dead silent. I had no idea what to say. I mean, yeah, I totally had a jones for him, and I had had a feeling that he felt the same way, but here was indisputable proof. So what was I going to say? "...Uhh... Huh?" His smile disappeared and he looked a little shocked like he just realized he had said that or something and he looked away. "Nothing. Forget it." He started walking again but I ran up and stood in front of him since I didn't want to grab him and drop the bags. "No. Wait." I looked at his eyes, but he wouldn't meet my gaze. "Did you mean that? What you said?" He slowly looked up to me from beneath his bangs. "Every word." Another breeze blew past us and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding since I asked. He flinched ever so slightly at the sound and I smiled to him. "Good." It was his turn to be clueless. "Nani?" I shrugged and couldn't help but grin. "Well, I'm glad you meant it. I hate it when people throw around words like that when they don't mean them." We stared into each other's eyes for a moment. I contemplated the incredible blue his eyes were. They were so dark, yet they shone in favorable light. Cobalt. Right then, they were shining. Finally he spoke. "Do you understand WHAT I mean, though?" I nodded, still grinning like an idiot. "Yep." I waited a moment before speaking again. "So, are we gonna ki_" Something that people always forgot about Heero was that he moved FAST. His soldier training allowed him to snap into action instantly and before you knew it, he was either gone, or he had you. He had me. He had dropped the grocery bags to the pavement and one hand was on my shoulder and the other was on my cheek, his fingertips stroking my hair. His lips met mine and I could swear that time stopped for everything but us. The whole world stopped for US. For that one moment. And it was ours. And it was beautiful. I dropped my grocery bags as well and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck while opening my mouth and deepening the kiss. We stayed that way for a long time. When we parted, we were both hard and pretty desperate. He was gasping for air. "Let's go home." I shook my head and kissed my way up his jaw, still playing with his hair. "That is SO too far away." He shivered slightly at what I was doing. "Where then?" "Park. Bushes." "Let's go." And so we ran into the park. It was glorious. For about three minutes. That was when the police showed up. Right as we were both taking off our pants. They were just patrolling when they heard noises and saw the shaking bushes and caught us red-handed and red-faced. Embarrassment was had by all. Luckily, the cops figured that we had been through enough, what with quite literally being caught with our pants down, and didn't arrest us. The park was closed, so technically, we weren't REALLY in public. They got a good laugh and told us to get dressed and go home. We both thanked them repeatedly and picked up our groceries and ran home to salvage the night. And we did salvage it. We didn't waste a minute of that first night "together". And that really was glorious. * * * Heero and I had never been happier. We were Eighteen, we were going to live, and we were in love. We had everything. We worked part time while taking a few classes at the local college. It was great. Being in school like some normal kids. I was majoring in Mechanics, and taking German, Heero was majoring in Computer Programming but, oddly enough, doing almost as well in Psychology. Classes were WAY more fun now that we weren't terrorists anymore. We had enough money to get by. Heero had some money he had hacked in the war somehow. He tried to explain it to me, but it, like programming, is also out of my league. I just worked hard at the docks, loading and unloading ships. Sometimes Howard would visit me. Yeah, he moved to Earth, too. Probably just to give me a hard time. We would go and get sodas on my breaks. He doesn't really do much, these days. I guess he's retired or something. But it was always good to see him. Heero worked at a kennel. I never knew it during the war, but Heero loved animals. And, judging by how they acted around him when I visited him at work once, they loved him back. Between classes and work, we were pretty busy. But the time we had together was ours. We made love like...well...horny teenage boys. Some days, I was amazed either of us could move at all, much less get our butts to classes. But it was so much more than just sex. We watched movies cuddled together on the couch, we helped each other study for midterms, we cooked for each other, we made good use of the bath, and we always slept together. We got rid of my bed since it wasn't as nice as Heero's and just shared his. But that wasn't all we shared. I taught him about the joys of a bubble bath after a hard day, he taught me about sushi and we both taught each other everything there was to know about sex. But the times afterwards, when we would just hold each other and talk or watch TV or read, those times were no less amazing. Movies was one of our favorite topics. A movie was the reason that we had our first display of emotion other than the usual love and affection. Or, should I say, my display. It led to a conversation I play in my mind over and over again. We were both watching a movie on TV. Some stupid straight romance movie, of course. Pretty much, if you've seen one, you've seen them all. Of course, it had a ridiculously mushy happy ending. I REALLY hate those. Just once, I'd_ "_like to see a romance movie end with a breakup, ya know? I mean, they make it seem like everything ALWAYS works out and life always has a happy ending and everyone gets their fucking cake and they eat it, too, and it's all candies and roses from there on out. What crap." I shook my head. Heero was silent. When I looked over to him, he was looking at me thoughtfully. "So... You want a romance movie with a sad ending?" He asked like it made no sense at all. "For God's sake, YES. Not everyone gets a happy ending. How about the people who wake up one day and just decide that they don't love the person anymore, or that the person isn't the same one they fell for, or maybe there's a hot little thing at the office that's younger and cuter so they leave their love for the little home-wrecker, or even the people who stay together and one of them gets sick and dies or they live together for the rest of their days and just become grumpy, mean old people who only stay together because they are too old to date again. I mean, really, how many people get the happy ending in real life?" I shook my head. His eyes were a little wider at this point. "Where is this coming from?" "Ugh." I groaned and fell back against the back of the couch. "Nowhere. Everywhere. It's true, though. Life never has a happy ending. Even for the people who live their little happily ever after. Think about it. They are happy together. They love each other. Until they turn a hundred years old and one of them dies. Then, one of them is dead and the one who is still alive just lost the person they have loved their whole life. What kind of happy ending is that? That's life, that's what it is." He was frowning now. "Yeah, I guess. You know that. But we kinda of did have a happy ending." I raised a brow. "Huh?" "The war." He said and his eyes darkened. "The war is over. We won. There's peace now, and you and I both live to enjoy it. Together. Is that not happy?" I nodded. "It is happy. But it's not an ending. It's a beginning." He stared at me for a long time. "Is this about the Maxwell Church? Thinking that no one can have a happy ending?" I snarled at him. "Hey, don't Psych 101 ME, Okay? This has nothing to do with that." "So then it's about us." My eyes widened and my mouth fell open a little. "No." "Then what is it about, Duo?" I gestured for a moment, trying to think of what to say. "It's about stupid fucking Hollywood script writers who think that people are dumb enough to buy this crap!" "No. This is about life. You said that yourself. And you said `get' before. You said no one `gets' a happy ending." He said with a calm voice. I felt like a loony, leaning against the couch while my boyfriend pulled the Shrink act on me so I sat up and faced him completely. "I didn't say `no one'." "You implied it." "Even if I did, so what?" "Well, you're right. No one gets a happy ending." He said simply. I stared at him. "Ok, I'm sure there's a point in there somewhere, right?" He nodded. "No one gets a happy ending because we have to make our own happy endings." I blinked. "These movies are stupid, you're right. Not everyone can make their happy ending. But the movies are about those who try and succeed. And for every stupid movie about two people who make it, there are two thousand people who don't." I was silent. Damn, he could be so insightful sometimes. It really bothered me that someone could make a guy that thoughtful into a merciless killer. "So, the question is, since we are talking about life, more accurately, OUR lives, are we going to try?" I just stared at him. "I don't think we have to. I think we will succeed." He said. I nodded and he smiled that little half-smile I loved. "We will." "We will." I smiled back. I think, even as I said it, that I knew it was a lie. * * * Back to
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