"From Afar"

Written By: Stone Angel

* AWARD WINNING FIC*

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters belong to their various copyright companies.

Rating: PG

Warnings: SAP, POV, SHONEN AI, *SEVERE ANGST*!!!!!

Pairings: 1+2

Authors Notes: Ok, people. I had a bottle of wine and was listening to Coldplay (the music of pain) and this popped into my insane head. ~_~' Bob made me do it. He said he'd kick my ass. I'm not sure how a voice in one's head can kick their ass but I didn't want to find out so…

I'm apologizing in advance for this one. I can already taste the flames.

From Afar

I watched him from afar. Always thinking, but never acting. He was so full of life. Something that I wasn’t allowed from a very young age. He seemed to glow with it. As if it were a light he gave off like some sort of divine lamp, illuminating my soul. I loved him for that. I still do watch him from afar. But I don’t think he knows it. I loved him. I still do. I just never told him. Not until that day.

Until then, I had been content to simply observe. To "pine" as it were. From afar I watched him, noticed the light he gave off that seemed to radiate from his very soul. It was so bright. Like the sun. I never approached. Like Icharus with his waxen wings, I felt that if I gave into my whims, I would fly too close to him and my wings would melt in the face of his light. I never dared to even try. If he melted my wings, I would be stranded. At least, this way, I had watching him. If that was taken from me, I do not know what I would do. Most likely die…

If only I knew…

* * * * *

I always saw him watching me. I never let him know I saw him. I figured the reason he watched but never did anything was out of fear. I didn’t know what to do about it. For once, I had nothing to say. I loved him. What could I say?

I loved feeling his eyes on me, imagined his hands in place of that stare of his, hot and heavy, almost tangible. I always waited each time, unbeknownst to my watcher for him to make a move. I didn’t make the first move, never even thought about it. He was obviously uncomfortable about something. …And… I didn’t want to hurt him…

God, if only I knew…

* * * * *

It was a horrible start to a horrible day. We were on a mission. Nothing new, right? Both of us were working together. It was just us. We were to infiltrate a base in what was once called Canada and get all the files we could there. It was so strange. To go on a mission amidst happily falling snow. Oddly unnerving.

As we approached the base, Duo was chattering the way he always did when he was nervous. Or at any other time with any other emotion. It really didn’t matter to him what mood he was in, he never stopped talking. I loved it. I pretended to ignore him, but the fact was that I did not want to interrupt the beautiful monologue. I never did. He thought I brushed him off, but the fact was that I was listening with my whole being to every word he said and basking in his light. I loved it. His noise countered my silence. It was all I had.

* * * * *

I talked nonstop over the Intercom en route to our destination. It gave me peace, even though Heero_who was STILL wearing spandex despite the snowfall of the place to which we were heading_ignored me. I was used to it. It was just fine with me to talk to myself. Hell, I did it anyway. Whether he was there or not, I talked. I did, however, notice the way his lips would every so often curve into that little almost-smile he has sometimes. It was a beautiful thing to see. He always seemed like he wanted to smile and that was the beginning of it right there. I couldn’t help myself from thinking that he should smile more often.

But it was not to be.

* * * * *

As we came to the base, we slipped our masks into place and went about doing what we did best.

Wreaking havoc.

* * * * *

"DEATH HAS COME TO CLAIM YOU ALL!!!" I shouted as I tore a mobile suit to shreds, cutting the scythe through it like a warm knife through butter and then targeting the next unfortunate slob. I was Death. I believed it. It was true. Wasn’t it? Everyone Death touched died. Everyone I touched died. It was my gift.

It was my curse.

I never told him…

But God, how could I have known?

* * * * *

As we fought, the Leo’s kept coming and coming, as if there were a nest of them somewhere I had yet to discover. One was taken out, two replaced it.

It was a massacre.

And then, as he cut through one, I saw one behind him with a beam cannon aimed at his Gundam’s center. The cockpit.

I screamed.

I had never screamed in my life but I did then as I rushed towards him. "DUOOOO!!!!!" I pushed Death Scythe to the side and took the blow from the cannon in full.

And the world went white…

* * * * *

I heard him scream. I heard him scream my name. It sent chills down my spine and then I turned and saw him charging towards me. Numbly, I watched as he got closer and closer until he was on me. Pushing me aside. And that’s when I saw it.

Death. I saw it for real. And I was terrified.

The cannon beam went through his Gundam and that was when I lost the ability to think. He fell on top of me and Wing Zero did not move.

So that was how it began. The next few moments are blurry at best but I remember a lot of screaming. On my part. On others’. What does it matter? I saw myself move and everything that got in my path died quickly. Soon there were more fallen suits than able and shortly after that, the ones still in action retreated, realizing that they fought a force greater than they.

I landed aside Wing Zero’s mangled form and pried open the cockpit.

* * * * *

I felt cold air wash over me as the decrepit pieces of my cockpit were pulled and wrenched apart. It was so cold. And then I remembered that I was in a snow flurry and that was why my skin felt like ice. But I was cold inside as well.

The last piece was ripped away and thrown to the side and I looked up into glowing green. The glow faded and then Duo was hovering over me. I hadn’t even seen him move. Had I?

"D… Duo?"

* * * * *

Heero looked like a broken doll. His legs were at odd angles and his eyes seemed so empty. I knelt in the snow and cradled him. Death no longer, I reached out and brushed some hair from his eyes.

"Heero?"

I felt warm wetness on the other hand behind his head and brought it to my line of sight.

Blood. So much blood covered my hand. I had sworn to never have the blood of those I loved stain my hands again. Not after the church. Never again. But there it was, dark red contrasting with the heavily falling snow behind it.

"Oh, God, Heero!"

He just smiled and I knew that it was that smile that he had always wanted to show me but had never allowed himself to get close enough to do so. "Duo. I…"

"Shh. Don’t talk, Buddy, I’m going to take you away from here and get you some help. You’re going to be fine." A snowflake landed on my cheek but I didn’t notice it.

He continued to smile at me for a moment before raising one hand and gently brushing the snow away from my face. "Baka."

I stared at him. "I’m the baka? What did you think you were doing?"

His smile got brighter. "Ai shi… Ai shite ieru… Duo."

I saw a drop of water fall onto his face and wondered why the snow was melting for a moment before I saw another. It was tears. I clutched him to me then and sobbed into his hair. "I know, Heero. I know. I love you, too."

There. I’d said it.

And it was too late.

* * * * *

It happened. I got close to him and my wings melted in his light. And what a glorious light it was. I felt myself drifting and gave in to the urge to let go. I heard him yelling something but I didn’t know what it was and even when I tried, I couldn’t understand.

And, as I faded away, all I saw was his light. The same light I had watched from afar.

* * * * *

I saw his eyes become lifeless and screamed at anyone that would hear me not to do this to me again. To take away a loved one. But the fates laughed at me for it happened again.

It was so unfair. To watch him die. To know that it was my fault. I never told him about my curse.

That was a long time ago. The war is over and now there is peace. I have taken up school again and I’m enrolled in a small high school. It’s a long, peaceful walk to and from the campus everyday under a sky of cherry trees. In the spring, Sakura’s fall to cover the ground in such a fashion as snow and I have to stop and watch as they fall from the trees. It reminds me of him. I smile even as I feel tears form in my eyes as I remember the times I talked non-stop to him about anything that came to mind. The way he would almost smile. And the way he used to watch me

Sometimes I still feel his eyes on me and I shudder and turn around, only to see a laughing emptiness at my back. He in not there. He will never be there.

And yet…

* * * * *

Yes, I still watch him. He is even more beautiful with every day that passes. I do not blame Duo for what happened. I know he does and I suppose that that is why I stay here with him. I walk with him as he makes his way to and from school. I watch him play around with his new friends between classes. I watch over him as he sleeps. But… Moments like these are when I merely gaze at him.

He has stopped beneath a cherry tree and the Sakura petals are raining down upon him in a gentle breeze like so much snow. He merely closes his eyes for a moment and stands there in silence for long moments.

He is sad. I know he is. He smiles when he makes a joke, he laughs when one is told, but neither action ever really reaches his eyes. Nothing ever quite does.

Except moments like these. Where he stands and a small smile plays over his lips as his eyes well with tears.

I smile as well. What an odd twist it is. I am closer to him now than I had ever been until that day and yet I am unable to touch him, separated from him by an uncrossable boundary.

Again, I watch from afar.

A tear traces a path down a cheek and I lean forward to brush it away, despite my knowledge that it is impossible.

He freezes and it seems as if he had felt it and he speaks.

* * * * *

There it was again. That same feeling that was Heero brushing the snowflake away from my cheek. I felt it. Didn’t I?

"H… Heero?" I ask.

Silence. There is nothing.

Is he there? Is he still watching me? I like to think so.

I continue walking and for the first time in nearly two years, I talk to him. "So, Heero, you wouldn’t believe what my History teacher is making my class do over the weekend. We have to write this paper about the Civil War and it has to be three pages typed. Robert says that it is disgusting and I have to agree. I think that…"

No. Nothing has changed. The bastard still doesn’t say anything back. Che.

* * * * *

I smile as he starts talking. Falling into step beside him, I shove my hands in my pockets and merely listen with my entire being to the words he says, letting them flow over me like music as I had once long ago. I briefly stretch the wings I received in return for my waxen ones before letting them rest. I smile to him and he seems to know that I am looking at him for he smiles brightly as new tears form in his eyes.

Yes. I still watch him from afar. But I will stay by his side forever.

***************************

Yeah. There it is. (ducks for cover) I'm not sure I'm done tweaking it since I'm still more than a little drunk but there it is. Did anyone OTHER than me cry? 0_0

I promise to write SOMEthing light and airy in the not too distant future.

~Leia

/

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