"As You're Sleeping"
Written By: SkyLark
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing, or its characters.
I just love playing with them.
Accompanying fic for a moment from `Away From It All': http://www.gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com/gw/SkyLark/Away.htm
Pairings: 1+2+1
Warnings: Sap, angst, fluff
Betaed by ShenLong *hugs*
Rating: PG 13
Archives: http://www.gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com/gw/SkyLark/gwSkyLark.htm
and http://www.mizunoamy.bravepages.com/skylark/skylarkfics.html
"As You're Sleeping"
The steady beeping from the heart monitor is the only
sound in the room besides your slow breathing. It's all enough to
soothe a person that has been awake for as long as I have been to
sleep, but my head is filled with too many thoughts for that right
now.
Visiting hours ended some time ago, but no one on the staff has bothered
to ask me to leave. Between the Preventer's badge hooked to my jean
belt and bloody shirt, I suppose that it comes as no surprise and
it's just as well. I would not be very accommodating if anyone did
ask me to step out for the night.
The last time I was in a room with you like this was after I had rescued
you from the Lunar Base. I had been surprised with myself that I even
bothered then. Now, I understand the strange emotions that I had been
dealing with then to understand why I did it.
Four years have passed since then. Peace nearly just as difficult
to fight for now as it was during the wars. At least we're not so
alone in that we have to shoulder that burden alone anymore. But,
even with the Preventers, we have to face missions that put us at
risk.
Recalling when I had asked you to join the force with me, I was taken
aback by how quickly you had agreed. I had assumed that you were more
than happy with Hilde and the salvaging business you had started up
together. Part of me did not even see the reason in bothering to ask
you, but I couldn't help but try.
In the end, there really is not another person that I work better
with than you. You're the only person that really understood me...
the only one who 'gets me,' as you put it. For me, there was no better
option for a partner for me. It had taken time, but you were the first
of the other pilots that I came to feel I could trust with my life.
Little did I know I could trust you with more than just that.
Over the last couple of years of sharing an apartment, you've been
rubbing off on me. A lot of my changes were so subtle at first that
even I didn't catch them. Suddenly, those subtleties grew to the point
that Wufei, Sally, Quatre and Trowa felt the need to mention as much.
Laughing came easier. Opening up came easier. Really knowing what
my feelings were telling me was easier thanks to just constantly being
around you and seeing how you always went along with your own emotions.
Then, I started realizing other things. Whenever we were not paired
together for extended missions, I noticed how much I missed having
you close.
Back during the wars, your laugh annoyed me along with your constant
talking and now the sounds of those things makes me smile. I missed
your pats on the back or casual, friendly shoulder squeezes whenever
you passed by. Suddenly, I found out just how much I enjoyed any form
of contact with you.
You really amaze me. Do you know that?
I still remember that night we both walked home after a social outing
with a handful of our coworkers one night. During the walk, you managed
to mumble your way through telling me about your past- Solo, the other
street kids, the Maxwell Church. Even in my own haze, I took everything
in.
Since that day, you completely amaze me at how someone who had endured
so much can still be able to laugh and smile. It made me aspire to
be more like you in that sense. If you could be that open and free
even after your past, then I could certainly try to be the same.
And so, I completely trust to you my soul. You've saved it from the
years of training that erased so much so that I could be the soldier
that I was molded into.
Gently, I brush back your bangs from your closed eyes and can't help
but sit in awe over how peaceful you look. Not very often do I have
the chance to see you without your jester mask, or the shroud of the
God of Death mid-mission, in place.
I came here as soon as Lady Une gave me the call that you had been
injured during this last mission. There was guilt in her voice, no
doubt because neither of us were happy about one or the other of us
leaving in charge of a team of new agents. And this was exactly why.
Answers were demanded as soon as I arrived. Reluctantly, Une informed
me of the pilot that stepped out of line to try to prove himself while
putting his team in danger. You took the brunt of the backlash from
the enemy, as any good leader would. So here you lie, sedated after
a few procedures to remove bullets that were mere inches from vital
organs and arteries, while that bastard escaped without so much as
a scratch.
That was soon fixed when I found Agent Hawk. A broken nose, wrist
and several cracked ribs still only seemed the start of what I wanted
to do to him, but a few other agents moved in to hold me back. When
I returned to the hospital with blood on my shirt, the nurses and
doctors around all made good to keep out of my way, aside from offering
the directions to your room.
Lady Une is no doubt going to have a word with me for my actions,
but I really couldn't care less. And somehow, I'm more than certain
that you would have done the same for me if the tables were turned.
I dry wash my face, thinking back to the report of your injuries that
the Doctor ran down. If some of those bullets had hit by the difference
of inches, you would have been beyond help.
And... I simply cannot go on in a world that you're not in.
What is more, I have decided that at whatever expense on my part,
I want to see that you have that peaceful look on your face as often
as possible. I really cannot think of another person that deserves
to be happy more than you.
I love you.
I finally figured that out, only I've never had the courage to actually
come right out and say that to you.
After everything that we've endured over our lives, it's almost funny
how I can actually be afraid of just saying a few words. Maybe it's
the fear of being rejected or, even worst have you disgusted with
me. After all, you've certainly never made it clear to where your
attractions lie. You're simply always with me, which is why I can't
help but hope that maybe...
These thoughts and feelings are much easier to deal with when you're
sleeping. When I am not distracted by your smile or your laugh or
your touch, they have been coming to the surface more and more.
Now, I believe that I am beyond the point of hoping for something
more... beyond simply wishing and not acting as I have been doing
for so long.
My eyelids are winning the fight against my struggle to keep them
open. Keeping our hands joined, I shift a bit to lean half on the
mattress and half on your chest so that I can be alerted if you wake
before I do.
It's light out when I come to again, not even aware that I drifted
off. Looking up, I find your wide violet eyes on me as you try to
find your voice to say something. Too overwhelmed by relief and acceptance
of my new mission, I quickly sit up to lean in and kiss you with the
same fervor of the feelings that have been smoldering behind the damn
that had been built around them.
To my fear, I can feel you stiffen. And then, you sigh and return
the kiss with just as much commitment behind it. The world fades away
for me again, only this time because I am so wrapped up in feeling
you, tasting you that it is consuming all of my senses.
Finally, only for the need of air, I pull away panting. Blinking your
own wide eyes, you look up at me and blink in surprise. Then, a small...
real smile lights your face to banish away any fears I had about this
moment. The expression in your gaze is one of wonder- as though you're
looking upon me for the first time.
In many ways, I suppose that's true. This is the true me... the me
than no one else was able to see before now. So, I do not need for
you to be asleep to come to terms with who I really am.
With a deep breath, you breathe a simple, "Hi."
I feel a grin spreading on my own lips as I whisper back, "Hi."
This is a new day for both of us, I can already feel it. And for once...
I'm not afraid to welcome it.
END
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