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"That Which Mends"Written By: SkyLark Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, or its characters. I just love playing with them. Pairings: 2x1x2, past 2xOC, 5xOC, 3x4 Warnings: Angst, Violence, Sap, Lemons/Limes, AU Archives: http://www.gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com/gw/SkyLark/gwSkyLark.htm
and http://www.mizunoamy.bravepages.com/skylark/skylarkfics.html Summary: Heero is a straight A student studying Psychology and finds his world turned upside down when he attends a Frat party.
"That Which Mends" [Night has always pushed up day -Lyrics to 'After the Storm' performed by Mumford and Sons] Chapter 19
“I just don’t get it,” Anna sighed deeply as she stared up at the ceiling over her. “I’ve done literally everything I possibly could to break down that damned chunk of metal and I still don’t know any more about it now than I did when you threw it up.”
Peering up from his notepad, Heero raised an eyebrow and smirked, “Yea, thanks for reminding me of that. It wasn’t exactly a highlight in my life that I care to remember.”
Downs smiled sheepishly at him, “Sorry. But you get what I’m saying.” Throwing an arm over her eyes, she groaned, “I was signed on to be the Preventers’ weapons expert. I can tell you everything there is to know about any gun, tank, grenade, knife, missile… you name it! But I don’t have a goddamned answer to what is so important about Gundanium that it was worth killing over. And it’s royally pissing me the hell off!”
His smile fading out of sincere sympathy for the redhead, Yuy lowered his pen and pad onto the small table beside his chair. “Are you afraid of potentially not living up to the expectations that others have of you… or what you expect of yourself?”
Without hesitating, Anna dropped her arm and turned her head to meet his gaze as she frowned deeply, “Both. Of course, I’m pretty sure that I want more out of me than anyone else does.”
Chewing on the inside of his cheek in consideration of how to proceed, the counselor asked tentatively, “Do you think that comes from your father and how he treated you? Did he suggest that you weren’t enough?”
“My father?” the Preventer questioned, her frown deepening. Pushing herself up from where she was lying across the couch, she tilted her head. “You think my father abused me?”
Heero gulped, “I didn’t mean to pry without your permission, it’s just… you have a lot of the typical traits of someone who had suffered abuse growing up. I assumed-“
“It was my mother,” Downs corrected.
Stunned, not only by the admission but by the detail itself, the scholar froze. Blinking his wide eyes, he repeated, “Your mother?” His heart dropped out when the weapons expert nodded shallowly. Shoulders slumping, he sighed, “Anna, I… I-“
A small grin curling her lips, Anna shrugged, “It’s alright. Better to get it out in the open sooner than later, right?” Swinging her legs over the edge of the couch to sit up, she began, “My father was a Marine General and away a lot when I was born. Apparently, my Mom wasn’t up for the challenge of virtually raising a baby on her own more often than not and she took out her frustrations on me.”
Yuy adjusted himself in his leather seat as she rubbed the back of her neck and continued, “The physical abuse was one thing, but the things that she’d tell me was the worst to take. I wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough… good enough in any way. After constantly hearing that from your own mother for years you start to believe it, you know.”
The psych major took a deep breath and nodded to urge her on. “I was going on thirteen when my Dad realized that I wasn’t constantly bruising from falling or bumping into things when he walked in on me getting one of the worst beatings of my life. He came home earlier than expected that night and I hadn’t finished all of my chores as fast as my Mom wanted. So she got the belt and wasn’t going to stop after I was bleeding.”
“My God,” Heero muttered under his breath, paling at the mental image.
There was a long pause in which Anna stared out at nothing, completely immersed back into that dark memory. “Dad put a stop to it, though. From that night on, it was just me and him. He took on sole custody and we were on the move together, staying wherever he was stationed. He put up with me even through some of my more difficult stages of sorting myself out.”
Glancing over at the counselor, she stated, “I guess it’s safe to assume you’ve come to some conclusion on that, too. What'cha got?”
Challenge accepted as a means of coming to a mutual appreciation of each other, Heero answered, “I’ve come to figure you had a bout with anorexia, a common thing for girls especially when they struggle to find something that they have control over when all they otherwise know is chaos. The low self-esteem brought on by your mother didn’t exactly help with that.”
He knew that he had diagnosed that much accurately by the way the blue eyes watching him grew… not that he wanted any of his hunches regarding her past to be right.
“Your expertise in weapons makes sense with a military father, who you would have latched on to and wanted to impress, even though you didn’t need to worry about him being anything but proud of you,” Yuy went on.
Now came the tricky part, the much more personal aspect of his hypothesis. Drawing a deep breath, he concluded, “And once you began to accept yourself, you found another outlet that made you in charge of who you are by getting tattoos and piercings… as well as being on the promiscuous side where you called the shots and could easily walk away from your sexual encounters.”
In the next, drawn out seconds that followed, a pin drop could have been heard as Downs sat before him unblinking and as stiff as a statue during which Heero held his breath for her reaction.
When the redhead finally spoke, she breathed, “Holy shit. You’re the real deal.” Ducking her head, she giggled, “Not that I didn’t think you were, of course. It’s just… it’s like you read my diary you were so dead on.” Folding her arms across her chest, she asked, “You sure counseling is your calling? You’d make one hell of a profiler.”
Snickering, the student replied, “So I’ve been told.” He shook his head, “Flattering as that is, I just don’t have it in me to be as strong as all of you are at what you do. I’m much more comfortable with the secure predictability of having my own office and regular patients that I can assist with my knack for this.”
Downs pouted and murmured to herself, “Hm. Shame.” Brushing that off, she smiled, “Well, there’s merit in that. You have a real gift, so at least it’ll go to good use for others.”
Only all the more grateful for her support, Heero gave her a warm smile and switched the gears of their conversation. Gesturing to her flat midsection, he shared, "I've always been intrigued by tattoos and piercings." Head shaking, he was fast to explain, "Not that I would ever want to acquire any myself, of course. But I do grasp that they serve a purpose and can carry a lot of meaning behind them."
Earnestly curious, he inquired, "As a friend and not a your counselor, mind if I ask what you have besides your four earrings and that navel ring?" Looking down in surprise, the weapons expert noticed the two, subtle bumps protruding from her tan uniform shirt.
"Just between friends, huh?" she questioned with a taunting smirk on her face when he peered back to the student. Physically reeling a bit in preparation to retract his request, she raised a hand as she reassured, "I'm just teasing, Heero. I don't mind sharing. Hell, I'm sure by now you've figured out that I'm not exactly shy."
To Yuy's surprise, she stood up and shed her Preventers uniform jacket then made quick work of unbuttoning her shirt. Wide-eyed in his panic, 'Agent Wing' sputtered, "O-oh, I-I didn't mean you had to show-"
Anna giggled, "Relax. I might not be shy, but I'm also a lady to some extent."
What struck the scholar first and foremost was the series of discolored scar tissue from healed over wounds that peppered the redhead's lean, athletic body. While some of those injuries were acquired from the call of duty, others were distinct remnants from years of beatings and lashings from her mother. But those shocking marks of various shapes and sizes soon faded into the background when he took in the ink work etched on her. Beneath Anna's left bra cup, the word 'Fearless' followed the natural curve of her breast to rest just over her heart. On either one of her hips, there was a series of hash marks- seven on the right and eight on the left. Stepping out of her black shoes, the tops of her feet were engulfed in permanent flames that were colored and displayed with such life that it was as though she were walking through actual fire. A thick cuff bracelet wrist was shed to uncover the message 'Let It Be' on the inside of her right wrist. And sure enough, there was a banana barbell in her navel with sparkling purple studs at either end to finish the look. The Preventer showed no signs of awkwardness in being as exposed as she was. Pointing at the hash marks on her hip, she smiled proudly, "These babies represent every case we've closed over the last few years. I hope to eventually get enough that they meet all the way across my pelvis."
She turned her arms and legs to show words like 'Hope' and 'Fighter' here and there that could easily be covered since they were on the inside of her biceps and thighs- a sure sign that she truly only got them for her own personal gratification. They were all tasteful and added together with the flames on her feet, every one of her tattoos were like intricate pieces that all blended perfectly together.
What some would have judged, the psych major saw each permanent bit of ink as a message of resilience, defiance and claiming one's self. Anna had made herself an image of one who wouldn't lay down and die whenever wronged in any way. She would bounce back stronger, wiser and more sure of who she was every time.
It was not a sight to baulk at, but to be respected... admired because what those symbols stood for.
"Nice," Heero breathed.
The agent beamed, "Thanks. As for my piercings, I have ten total. Including what's already out in the open, I also have both nipples, each inner labia and my clit hood pierced. " Raising an eyebrow, she planted her hands on her hips and smirked, "I doubt that you're up for me stripping out of my skirt, bra and skivvies to see them."
Blushing instantly, the counselor cleared his throat and stammered, "U-uh n-no, that's perfectly alright." He fumbled in retrieving his notepad and pen which he had reached for to have something to do other than gawk at his patient's body.
Out of instinct, Anna bent down to help him recover his things. In doing so, her back came into plain sight. The long, deep scar tissue that ran in a diagonal line from shoulder to hip was startling for the intern to take in. Unable to stop himself, he stared at it with a gasp.
Still bent forward, the redhead turned stiff as her own eyes grew. After being so careful not to show her back, she had it on full display now.
Making it back to the couch in one leap, Downs scrambled for her blouse and rushed to throw it back on. "Sorry," she managed, pushing her hair back over her shoulders and trying to button her shirt with trembling hands.
Her teeth chewing on her bottom lip, she kept her head down while walking into her shoes and shook her head, "I didn't mean to scare you with that. Trowa texted me last night that you know about... that night, but I'm aware that scar is pretty... nasty looking."
"Did it hurt when it happened?" Heero asked softly, the words coming out before he could stop them. Part of Anna's face was covered with her red curls when she lifted her head to meet his gaze with enlarged eyes.
Mentally chiding himself for bringing it up, the scholar knew that he couldn't take back what he said. He frowned in sincere concern, "It just... looks like it must have been painful for you."
Closing up the last button just short of her collar, his friend adjusted her blouse's short sleeves as she replied quietly, "I didn't feel a whole lot when I was shot since I blacked out fast. The first couple of weeks recovering were especially rough, though. If I didn't have the guys and Lady Une there whenever I needed company or help just getting around for the month and a half that I was recovering, I wouldn't have been able to bounce back as fast as I did. "
Downs took hold of her jacket and slipped her arms into it and sat back down on the couch to process her next thoughts in a stretch of silence while she studied the floor at her feet. Leaning back, the student gave her all the time she needed to collect whatever she had to get off of her chest.
"After Meiran died," she began softly after a while, "a lot changed for all of us. For me, I gave up on my wild, partying, wake up in someone else's bed ways and started taking life a lot more seriously. All of those things were escapisms from what we deal with on the job. But I just lost interest in all of that once we had that reminder of how short life is."
Jotting notes onto his pad, Yuy had all of the information that he needed to back his guess that Anna had been sexually engaged with not only Trowa and Quatre but Duo as well. It wasn't a complete shock to hear it and yet it still hit him in an odd way.
His charge lay back against the sofa and she sighed, "I made rules for myself if I was going to spend the night anywhere and made sure that if that happened, no sex was thrown into the mix. I did a pretty good job at keeping myself emotionally and physically uninvolved with anyone... but..."
A wistful expression washed over Anna as she nodded, "It's always been different with Wufei." Turning herself so that she was facing the young man across from her, she told him, "He's the only guy who ever made me get butterflies in my stomach whenever I was around him. He was the first person who ever really made me feel good about myself. And he taught me the difference between sex and making love."
Waving a hand in the air, she elaborated, "With the others, the sex was easy, it was safe and a quick thrill that I never had to hear anything about it after the fact when it was over. But I realized what I was missing out on the first time I was with Wufei after we started dating." Her arm dropping around her waist, she grinned, "The rest is history for us and I've never looked back since."
Heero smiled at the way the redhead's face lit up whenever she spoke about Agent Wolf. It was somehow comforting for him to know that his friends could find happiness amidst the stresses and dangers they faced in their roles as Preventers.
As for Wufei and Anna's relationship, few were as fortunate as to find the kind of love that they had. The same could be said of Trowa and Quatre. What could have easily torn all of them apart in the troubling things that they dealt with in their cases became a forging bond that solidified their connections... and yet one agent was the odd man out.
"The loss of a close friend and colleague has profound effects on everyone, so I'm glad it moved you to finding what you didn't know you were lacking," the scholar led in, hoping to draw out a little background information on the braided creature that continued to be an annoying source of interest to him. "A lot of people drift in the opposite direction."
Downs' lips curved upward, announcing that she had picked up on where he was leading. "Duo has his own coping mechanisms," she responded, righting herself so that she was perched on the edge of the couch. Folding her hands over her crossed knees, she shook her head, "You know I can't betray his trust by talking about him."
Silently relieved that she hadn't come down on him for his evasive tactic in learning more about Maxwell, Heero nodded vehemently, "I do understand that, not to mention respect it. I'm sorry for trying to pry when I know now that the two of your were involved."
Heero was taken so far aback that he nearly fell out of his chair and cried, "What?! I am not jealous!"
Anna folded her arms across her chest, challenging, "You were awfully quick to accept his invitation to room with him for a week." Without missing a beat, Yuy shot back, "Why shouldn't
I have when you apparently thought it was a good idea since you kicked
him under your desk to force him into it?" The redhead's mouth
fell open in surprise in having that thrown in her face. "I observe
a lot more than I let on," the student smirked smugly.
Easing back into the couch, the agent let out the air that she had been holding onto in a puff and said, "Good. I was hoping you'd say that because I like you, Heero. I honestly didn't mean to offend you."
"I like you too, Anna," the Japanese youth snickered in all sincerely. "I'll honor your urge to protect Duo's honor."
For whatever reason, he truly did have a natural kinship with the redhead. And he could see why anyone, including the likes of Duo, would be allured by her. Along with her vibrant personality, she had a pristine physique that Yuy couldn't help admiring after seeing her partially naked. It was no wonder the braided agent was so willing to take her to his bed-
Forcing himself to start back from the beginning of
his session, he held the tip of his pen to paper and led, "So,
you were saying in regards to how all of this ties back to your disappointment
over figuring out that Gundanium-"
Though his friend remained perfectly still, there was
a definite series of thoughts running through her mind behind her
enlarged eyes. "Son of a bitch," she whispered at last,
just before she leapt to her feet and ran from the room. "Right now, Anna's most likely hearing her mother's
voice berating her on how stupid and worthless she is," Yuy informed.
Catching his comment, Wufei's head snapped back to blink widely at
the counselor. Keeping his attention on the head officer, the counselor
suggested, "It would serve her best right now if she heard from
you, another woman she respects, to help her get her bearings."
Middie moved for Agent Fire and rested a hand on Quatre's
shoulder, nodding for him to stand down so that she could take his
place. Biting his lip, the blonde fell back to Trowa's side while
they and their equally concerned friends stayed close by. Shuddering, she gulped. In little more than a whisper, she said, "And we need to start praying that we stop them before they carry out whatever that is." TBC |
