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"SHINIGAMI AWAKES"Written By: Debs-dragon
Disclaimer: I dont own GW or the boys, sad but
true. I wish I did but I don't. No money being made here I just write
for my own satisfaction. I dont own the song "Overcome" I was going through a bit of a rough patch and while listening to the song 'Overcome' on the radio one day the idea for this fic was born. It was written fairly quickly and helped me understand a little better my own turmoil at the time. The war has ended and Duo is finding himself haunted by the demons of his past. Please read... enjoy and e mail me with your thoughts.
"Shinigami Awakes"
The hatches hissed open and the two pilots stepped forth. The darker haired one looked around carefully, making sure all was clear & safe before nodding to the other and jumping to the ground. The second pilot, having also scanned the area for possible threats responded to the nod and allowed himself to also greet the ground below. Moving quickly but quietly they covered the two Gundams with their respective camouflage nets so they would be safe from prying eyes and then once the crafts were concealed they melted off into the shadows. The two youth's reappeared a short while later in the fields surrounding &overlooking the main city. They stood, silently taking in the scene of destruction that lay before them. Smoking ruins, the ground strewn with the rubble from the many destroyed buildings. And scattered amongst the ruins of the once proud kingdom were the remnants of several mobile suits. Heero sighed softly to himself as he surveyed the scene below, his Prussian blue eyes taking in every detail. Next to him the braided pilot gave a strangled moan. Heero turned to look at the boy. "Nani ?" Duo looked at the mess that was once a proud and thriving city and shook his head. "Not fair." he whispered to himself. Heero noted the change in the Americans posture as his eyes absorbed the full extent of the carnage that lay before them. Instinctively he moved closer and lay a supportive hand upon the others shoulder. Feeling the warmth of the hand upon his shoulder Duo blinked as if just registering the presence of the Asian pilot. // Where we're always free to choose // Duo continued to stare at the ruins below, his mind
struggling to come to terms with his role in the destruction. A sob escaped Duo's lips and a tear slid silently down one cheek betraying the inner feelings. His hands fisted as he turned his violet eyes towards the Japanese boy. "Why?" he growled, "Why?" Heero looked startled as the almost feral gaze of Duo's eyes pierced his own and into the recesses of his brain. "Not your fault." was all he could murmur by way of response. Duo's eyes continued to bore deep into Heero's soul as if knowing the answer he was seeking lay buried there. Heero began to sweat under the intensity of those violet orbs, then shivered as the feral gaze was replaced with a more manic gleam. "They had no choice." Duo stated the fact simply and then shook his head, dropping his eyes. "What do you mean by that Duo? " asked Heero softly. Duo looked up again and waved his hand to indicate the wreckage that lay all around them and then pointed at the sky. "All of this because of two men." the statement was cold and flat. "Look around Heero, they never stood a chance. The women and the children... especially the children.... They didn't want to fight, they weren't even given the opportunity to choose. But we were." Duo paused. Heero stared vacantly at the ruined city as his brain grappled to come to terms with what Duo was stating. Duo continued, his voice becoming raw with the emotion he felt. "We didn't have to join in and add to the carnage.... but we did. And... well.... look at the result." He gazed around. "Why... why did they have to involve all these innocent people? Duo's voice cracked. Heero swallowed. "We had no choice either Duo." he said calmly & quietly. "We had to fight, to try to retain peace for all. To stand up and defend those who could not defend themselves. If we hadn't joined in then the resulting massacre would have been a lot worse." Duo stood quiet for a moment pondering the youths words, staring without seeing. He cleared his throat. "We did have a choice Heero." he said keeping his voice low. "And now I have to live with the choice I made." Turning away from the Wing Zero pilot Duo moved away slightly and then looking towards the sky he closed his eyes. His chest heaved as he released a long guttural howl towards the heavens and then collapsed sobbing to his knees.
// And I am overcome....... yeah // Heero's heart lurched and his blood ran cold as his ears took in the anguished cry of the American. *This* was not Duo. The Duo that he knew and respected as a fellow pilot & terrorist was always happy - go - lucky, to the point of being over the top with a mouth that knew no bounds. This dark tortured soul that knelt on the sodden earth before him was a total stranger. Heero felt something strange....... Heero felt fear....... The sun had gone. Night had come. Still the pilots stayed. Duo looked at the moon, his eyes unfocused as his own personal war began. "Your fault... Your fault...." tormented the demons. Duo shook his head. "Iie! Iie! " "Oh yes! ... Oh yes! ... You killed them .... You killed them all...." The demons continued to sing. Duo clasped his head in his hands and moaned. Heero again moved closer to the braided one and watched helpless as the differing emotions passed fleetingly across Duo's face. "No ! ... No! ... No!..." Screamed Duo. The demons chuckled and continued their dance in his head. "You took your * blade * and sliced right through them...." chanted the demons. "Not my fault !" Duo screamed back. "Leave me alone!!" he cried rocking back & forth, his head in his hands. "You have blood on your hands. You are tainted...." whispered the demons. "Hai." "Then you are just like us...." "No!......" Duo screamed as he tried desperately to fight them. "You are one of us....." As Duo's inner torment continued so his hands began to pound the earth. Heero watched the Deathscythe Hell pilot closely. He couldn't quite make out exactly what was happening to his friend but it was causing him pain.... a lot of pain.... Heero watched helplessly as the young man's body shook and trembled as he pounded the ground with his fists, Then his mind made up he went to step forward..... then hesitated. "One of us.... One of us......" The demons softly sang. "I'm not one of you... I could never be one of you!" Duo silently yelled in return. "But you are. Your hands are stained. You are a killer... a cold blooded killer..." Duo felt his sanity beginning to slip as the demons
continued to torment him mercilessly. Sensing their impending victory the demons closed in. Heero looked at Duo, his mouth dropped. The Americans eyes had gone glassy, his body stilled. Then the features slowly contorted as if trying to ward off some unseen enemy. Heero blinked not sure if the momentary fleeting glimpse of evil had passed through Duo's eyes or not. He looked again, Violet eyes returned the gaze, searching deep into the blue depths, begging the Japanese boy to help him. And then the look was gone. A shattering scream rang out from Duo's lips as the demons took him........ "Ours...... Ours........ Ours........." they chanted. Duo rocked his head in his hands. "Yours..... Yours......" He replied, the fog slowly clearing. "Who?..... Who?...... Who?......" The demons sang. Duo's lips parted again and he screamed his name......... "I AM SHINIGAMI !!" Heero froze as his ears took in the statement from the boy infront of him. He watched stunned as Duo's body still tense from the effort of the battle with unseen forces and the force of the scream suddenly shuddered and crumpled to the ground before him. Duo felt the fires of hell race through every fibre of his nerves as he screamed * that * name. The part of him that was still Duo, buried deep within the tortured soul cried out & clawed desperately in an attempt to retain some shred of his sanity. Heero hesitated no more and racing forward gathered the fallen American in his arms and looked down at his fellow pilot. "Duo!... This is not your fault. We are all responsible . Not just you, All of us. Can you hear me Duo? This is not your fault!" Duo's eyes flickered open. Heero stared into those eyes. The amethyst depths were dancing with an unknown fire, the fire of madness. Heero shivered as he recognised what lay burning in that violet fire. // These women in the street //
Heero rocked the boy gently. He couldn't explain what was happening. He held Duo, but it wasn't Duo. He watched the braided boys features as the unseen enemy and Duo continued to battle each struggling to claim Duo's mind as his own. The boys lips started to move and Heero moved closer to hear what was being whispered. "They blew it up..." groaned Duo "You were responsible..... It was your fault....." Teased the demons "No I tried to help..... too late..... I was too late...." Duo sobbed. "You should have stayed... should have stayed...." the demons continued their taunts. "I tried to save them... all those .... I tried....." The tears flowed freely. "Duo! ... Duo! " Yelled Heero as he shook the braided teen trying to get him to focus. "No Duo..... Only Shinigami....." was the reply. Heero stared horrified at the * Duo * before him. The hesitation lasted but a second before the perfect soldier stepped in. "Duo.... I know you can hear me.... What got blown up?.. Who did you try to save ?" he asked still rocking the boy. "Sister Helen.... Father Maxwell...... The others....
" Duo's almost inaudible reply came as he struggled to fight
the demons that resided with him. Heero blanched at the names. "All blown up.... no one left... only bits and pieces...." sang the demons. A sob escaped the Deathscythe Hell pilots throat. "That was a long time ago Duo." said Heero softly. "You weren't to blame, You did everything you could, everything in your power ..." Heero's voice faltered. Duo clung to Heero, vainly trying to connect to the other pilot in an effort to keep himself buoyant in the ocean of emotion and confusion that was hell bent on drowning him. "Your fault... Your fault.... God of death....." continued the voices. "My fault.. " sobbed Duo "No! " Yelled Heero. "Not your fault !!!!" // And I am overcome ..... Yeah // Heero pulled the American to his feet and shook him violently, trying to bring the teen back to his senses. Duo's eyes slowly returned to focus. "Look!" hissed Heero, "All this. It's not your fault, its not my fault. It's not Trowa, Quatre or Wufei's fault. It's just an unfortunate result of fighting. Of fighting for justice, for the right to be free." Duo's eyes clouded as he processed this new information and the demons became silent for a moment. Heero sensing he was reaching his friend continued. "Hai it is hard. We have killed so many, but it was something we had to do Duo. All of us. And now at last it is over. Finally we have the chance to enjoy the peace we have wanted and fought for for so long." "Don't listen... he's trying to fool you..." whispered the demons. Shinigami rose again. "There will be no peace." "Your wrong." stated Heero flatly. "The
earth will rebuild itself. Beauty will once again grace the continents.
And this time the colonies will share in the one uniform peace." "Peace? " whispered Duo as he clung desperately to that last scrap of sanity. "Hai. Peace." "Don't listen. You are a killer, you are stained..." called the demons within. Duo dug deep into his soul and finding the love of Sister Helen and father Maxwell still lodged there he called upon it to help him fight back, to save him, to drive the demons away........
A year later.............. // So drive me out... yeah // Duo pulled through the gate and into the large field.
He brought the bike to a halt and cut back the engine. Long slender
legs rested easily on the ground as hands removed thick leather gloves
and tucked them into the jacket pocket. He then proceeded to remove
the helmet, shaking the chestnut hair around his face and pulling
the braid free from the confines of the collar. He gazed around slowly.
In the 12 months that had passed the earths scars had begun to heal
well. He got off the bike and placing the helmet on the seat he began
to wander deeper into the field. Yes, the earth had begun the process
of regeneration. The cities were being re built, the landscape had
once more greened over. The last vestiges of the wars almost gone
from the planets surface. The people also had come back and were now
once again thriving on the fruits of the earth. Peace had come to
the blue green sphere and the colonies, that although unseen, revolved
around it. Quatre had fulfilled his fathers wishes and taken his place as the head of the Winner Corporation. Trowa had returned to the circus. Wufei, decided to take Sally up on her offer and joined the Preventers , adding his own brand of justice to the system. As for Heero? Well Heero was now the personal body guard of one Miss Relena. And Duo?..... "Ha!!" his mind screamed at him. To all on the outside Duo was that person with the manic grin and non stop chatter, always ready with a laugh or a quip, who worked in Hilde's scrap yard. But under that clever mask lay the truth....... Shinigami lived. All the other pilots demons had been faced and conquered.... Duo's? // And I am overcome.......yeah // The demons were a part of him now. Through out the time
since the end of the wars Duo had learnt to live with his demons,
tolerate them, talk to them, embrace them and try to understand them.
But just when he thought he was getting answers even more questions
would raise their heads. A long time had passed and he was tired,
tired of the fighting, the ongoing continuous battle to retain what
part of his sanity that he could. The physical battle may be over
but the emotional war continued on relentlessly. He shook his head
in an attempt to clear it , knowing the attempt was futile. * He *
was there, ever present, ever watchful. Heero was worried. Duo hadn't shown up for work. He had been acting funny again lately, talking about the war and the killing. Heero gunned the bike as he searched the streets vainly for any sign of his friend. "So pretty... So pretty..." the demons sang as the sunlight glinted off the blade. Ignoring them Duo turned the crafted metal over in his hand as his eyes studied the weapon carefully. "It is only fitting...." said Shinigami. "Hai." replied Duo softly. The demons laughed. "Enough!" shouted Shinigami. The demons silenced. Duo looked around once more then got to his feet. "It is time." said Shinigami. "Hai." came the strangled reply. There could only be one other place he would go. Heero turned the bike and opened the throttle wide. Several people turned to look as the Japanese youth careered down streets before hitting the highway and leaving the city behind headed for the open fields. // I am overcome..... oh lord // Duo reached under his shirt and pulled out the gold chain and cross. He raised it to his lips and kissed it gently. Turning his head & eyes skyward he sent forth a silent prayer. "Forgive me." he said quietly, then dropped the chain and cross so that it once again nestled comfortably against the skin of his chest. "Time for your redemption." said Shinigami. "Hai." spoke Duo. "Time for your dues to be paid for all those you slaughtered." said Shinigami, the voice raising a tone. "Hai" he was tired of fighting..... so tired...... "The way to cleanse yourself is through blood!" called Shinigami "Hai!" He could no longer hold the demons at bay, the last scrap of Duo Maxwell faltered in its grip and slipped away. "Then DO IT!!!" Screamed Shinigami. "HAI !!!" Duo threw back his head and raised his arms, he screamed to the heavens... "FORGIVE ME !!!" Sunlight rebounded off the blade as the knife arced gracefully through the air. Heero spotted the figure out in the field. He stilled the engine and scrambled off the machine before the sounds had begun to fade. The scream cut him to the very core of his being, his eyes locked onto the boy in the field and he watched frozen to the spot as he saw the blade curve swiftly through the air then plunge back. "Duo !! No!!!!" he screamed and forced his legs to move as fast as they could towards the boy who was crumpling towards the ground. // Beautiful drowning...... This beautiful drowning...
// Duo opened his eyes, vaguely aware of the strong arms that pulled him up. His vision was blurry. Through a haze of pain and fear he connected with Prussian blue eyes, eyes that were full of shock and pain. Heero reached the boy within seconds. Wrapping his arms around him as he knelt beside the youth, Heero pulled Duo up and over into his lap. He removed a hand to push the chestnut hair away from the face he knew so well and locked gazes with the amethyst eyed pilot. The demons were fading, slowly fading, feeling their connection with this dimension beginning to slip they began to retreat. The grass around the two teens began to turn crimson as the hungry earth soaked up the life blood from Duo. A life that had flowed too short and now despite all that surrounded it ebbed slowly into the forgotten reaches of the globe. Heero tried vainly to staunch the flow. It slowed..... but wouldn't cease. Duo smiled up through the curtain of semi consciousness at the cobalt eyed pilot. "Why ?" whispered Heero. "Why?" "The voices..... they wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop the voices...." Duo coughed spraying Heero with a spattering of red. "But they have stopped now...... all quiet now...." he smiled as he floated between the conscious and blackness. "Not like this Duo. Not like this. We could have stilled the voices in other ways. God dammit Duo!! It didn't have to be this way." Heero spoke, his voice thick with emotion. "Iie" "Let me help you Duo.... I can help you Duo.... We all can help you..." Heero pleaded as a tear made its way from the corner of one blue eye to trace the lines of sorrow down a face that was older than its years. Duo looked again at the Japanese youth and noted the tear as it slid down Heero's chin and dripped onto his face. He realised then that Heero understood. He knew the inner turmoil better than anyone. He had faced his demons, fought them.... and won. "Thankyou my friend but I am afraid it is too late for me. I have stilled the voices and made my restitution." he murmured. "No ! .... No! .... Duo come back. You cannot leave
us. You are a Gundam pilot. You are one of us. This is not how it's
supposed to end. Duoooooooooo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Heero,
then sobbing he collapsed against his friend. Duo lay back and stared unseeing at the sky. The demons had vanished. Shinigami waited patiently, knowing the time was close. Through the clearing mists Duo could feel a sense of peace beginning to steal over him. he smiled to himself... So this is what peace felt like. A new set of voices sprang up around him, the musical tones of which could only be angels. He looked about but he was alone... all he could do was hear. "You are forgiven.... You are forgiven..." sang the voices in a low rhythm. Heero watched helplessly as the pilot in his arms began to give up his struggle with consciousness. The lips moved with soft spoken words and Heero leaned forward slightly, straining his ears to listen. "Forgiven.... all forgiven...." Heero's eyes misted again as he saw Duo's face relax and for the first time become tranquil. The eyes fluttered closed as one last breath escaped the lips. "Peace....." Heero held Duo's body close to him as he cried his own anguish to the heavens above, the tears beginning to flow. He buried his face sobbing into the Americans soft but now lifeless hair. Duo reached out and took the hand that Shinigami offered. Together they moved away into the waiting swirling clouds. They shimmered then merged into one before the mists swallowed them up...... // I am overcome........ Lord ............ // ~ Owari ~ This was my first attempt at writing a death fic and Im sorry to all of you out there who love Duo for tormenting him so. I promise I will write another GW fic soon and make it a happy one! |
