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"Tears of Redemption"Written By: ShenLong Disclaimer: I don't own the G'boys, I just borrow them from time to time to play with and return them a whole lot happier, ne? Rating: PG 13 Warnings: Angst, PWP, language, Wufei POV, post series, before EW Pairings: Mentions of past 13x5 Notes: Wufei visits the grave of General Treize
Kushrenada to pay his respects and unburden his soul. Archive: Those with permission to archive my fic's,
help yourself, anyone else please ask, I don't bite. Written for the Ore Ha Wufei fic comp at the Ventilation
Shaft
"Tears of Redemption" December. 2004 ShenLong Pulling the car into the deserted parking area I bring it to a smooth halt, staring ahead and then back to the piece of paper in my hand. This must be the right place. I turn the key, cutting the engine and silence immediately fills the air. I stare out the window and sigh softly. I have to do this, whether for myself or for you, I don't know. With another sigh I unbuckle my seat belt and open the door, removing the key from the ignition at the same time. Shutting the door I press the small button, engaging the car's security system and locking the doors. Leaning heavily against the car I take a few minutes to order my thoughts, compose myself if you will. I lower my head, chin almost resting on my chest. I can do this; I have to do this. Raising my head I take a deep breath and push off from the car, jaw set in determination as my legs cover the ground with a confidence I don't feel. I follow the directions I'd spent months searching for and can only hope that they are correct. The sound of my footsteps is muffled on the leaf strewn path, an air of serenity abounds and the sweet smell of roses is borne upon the breeze. A smile tugs at my mouth and I give an ironic laugh as I gaze about. The many rose gardens scattered about gaze back at me, a kaleidoscope of colors and scents to stimulate the optical and olfactory senses. Mine are not immune. This beauty of the place cannot be denied and it seems fitting in a way. I shake my head at my mental wanderings and continue on my path, never straying from my intention. Beside me tall monuments guide my way, silent warriors standing in tribute to the souls they guard. I do not linger though, but press onwards; for to stop now and take in these memories would not only delay me from my task but bring back painful memories as well. This trip is going to dredge up enough pain as it is without added interest. I take the right fork in the path and pass into a tree lined walk, the thick branches meet overhead and cover me with a dappled canopy of green and gold. I'm getting closer now, I can sense it and my heart rate increases incrementally. I am dreading, yet welcoming this. My eyes flick about; the monuments are thinner here, for what reason I do not know. Another turn, another path, to the left this time and instantly I know I'm close; my search is almost at an end. The trees begin to thin out and the monuments have changed yet again; they are more elaborate here, but there is only one that I am drawn to. I know it's what I've been searching for without the need for written conformation. It stands ahead of me, the marble glowing like a beacon, beckoning me to come forward. My footsteps slow a little but I continue on, I will do this, even if my legs refuse to carry me. I'll crawl if I have too. Reaching the base of the steps I pause for a moment and take in the sight before me. The marble gleams back at me; the swirl of the dark gray stone is etched with gold thread. Very fitting, I note wryly. Reluctantly my legs carry me up the stone steps and to the tall pillars that guard the entrance. Opulence is evident, no expense has been spared and nor should it. Someone of your standing deserves only the very best. The coolness hits me like a brick wall as I venture inside. Shivers run the length of my body and I'm not sure if it's from the coolness or the silent whispers that seem to penetrate in here. Ignoring those reactions I breathe deeply, employing the calming techniques that are so much a part of me and boldly continue into the crypt. In the shadows ahead I can see the large marble stone, rising a good three feet above the floor. My footsteps falter as I draw nearer and a heavy feeling settles in my chest. I bow my head and halt next to the stone. I take a moment to bring myself back under control, slow my heart rate and breathing before raising my head and staring at the sarcophagus. Rising three feet high and seven foot long by three feet wide it's an impressive piece of work. The lighter gray marble with threads of silver and gold running through it is a contrast to the dark marble of the encompassing crypt. It's certainly befitting a general. I lean a little closer to read the gold, inlaid inscription and feel the emotions beginning to surface. The usual spiel lies etched into the marble stone; name, date of birth... and death... I don't get any further than that, the emotions overwhelming me completely. I lay my head against the cool stone and try to say what I feel, but the words come tumbling out without any sense or order to them. So much for the scholar in me. "Treize..." My voice is hushed and yet it still manages to echo around me, mock me in my attempts to make my peace but I continue on irrespective of the ridicule. "Treize... It wasn't supposed to be this way. You weren't supposed to die, not yet. This world needed you, still needs you... I need you." My voice falters for a moment as my mind replays the tragic events yet again. The beam trident as it pierced the opposing Gundam, the words you spoke as you knew your end was inevitable. "Why?" I whisper, my anger coming to the fore. "We had something together, something that could have grown into more and yet, you let it all go; why?" "I can still feel your hands upon my body, your fingers as they stroked my flesh, the soft words you spoke as we both found our completion in each other. You promised me forever... And now..." I have to pause as a sob threatens to choke me. "Why me? Why did you decide that I had to be the one to bring about your demise? I loved you, I still do..." The sobs can no longer be contained and so I let them free, my voice changing in pitch and volume as my words are interspersed with heart felt cries of anguish. "Why did you make me the one to take your life?!" I demanded, my anger brewing. I thump at the top of the stone, pound it with my fists. It doesn't do anything to the stone, but it makes me feel a little better. "We had a future together, a life after the war; and now... I have nothing. You bastard! You deliberately set me up to take your life, didn't you? You wanted to die, you promised me forever knowing full well that you had no intention of carrying through on that promise! Do you know how it feels to be left behind? To know that you're responsible for your lover's death?!" I slump to the floor, my hands are bloody and bruised from their beating of the marble, my heart is torn and shredded from the internal pain of loss. My hands will heal... but what of my heart? "You bastard," I mutter weakly. "I loved you... and now I have nothing..." I feel a touch to my shoulder and my head whips around. Strong hands reach for me and pull me up; supporting me and leading me back outside. I find myself sitting on the marble steps, head cradled in my hands. The air is thicker than when I went inside, the sun has gone and dark clouds loom overhead, heavy with their burden of moisture. It fits my mood perfectly. "He didn't leave you on purpose, Wufei. He knew that this was the only way that peace could ever be brought about." I hear the words and whilst I know they are true, I don't want to believe them. "He loved you too. Believe me when I say that if there had been any other way to have gained peace, don't you think he would have taken it?" "But why me?" I whisper out. A soothing hand rubs over my back as the first rumbles of thunder roll across the air. "He wanted to die an honorable death; in battle, by the hand of a worthy opponent. Would you have denied him that had you known his intention?" I had to think about that. "Put yourself in his place, Wufei. Look through his eyes and tell me honestly that you wouldn't have done the same." I hung my head. He was right. I would have done the same. "It doesn't make it any easier to live with," I pointed out. "No, it doesn't. Don't let his death be in vain, Wufei. Go on, uphold the peace that he wanted so much, that he sacrificed himself for. Ensure that by living, his name will not be forgotten nor the hopes and dreams that he had. Do it for him, Wufei. Do it for love." Those words were the end for me. The dam inside me broke and all my repressed pain and hurt came flooding out. I found myself being cradled in strong arms, my head pressed against a warm, muscular shoulder as I cried my heart out, unable to stop the tsunami of tears and emotions. The heavens above opened up and the rain came; thick, fat drops in an endless torrent, soaking everything within seconds and yet we remained on the steps, my tears unchecked. I didn't care that I was soaked through, didn't care that I was cold. Everything that had ever meant anything to me was lying inside this crypt in a stone coffin, colder than I'd ever be, the spark of life snuffed out by my own hand. My companion continued to sit, quietly holding me whilst I let free all the bottled up pain I'd been holding back for so long. He was also soaked, platinum hair sticking to his clothing and skin; yet if he was uncomfortable, he never said. Gradually the tears slowed, the well began to run dry and I sniffed a few times. Embarrassment at my breakdown began to surface and I hastily pulled away from the comforting embrace, rubbing my eyes as I did so. "Damn rain," I said, blaming the skies for the wet state of my face and knowing that I wasn't believed for a moment. "It certainly makes things soggy," came the reply. I sat for a moment longer, the rain slowing a little around us and stared out. "Cleansing, isn't it?" I stated, knowing my companion would understand what I meant. "Yes, it is," came the soft reply. "Water is a wonderful thing; it has the ability to wash away all the darkness and leave you with a clean slate to start again." I sigh and scrub my eyes again, the rain managing to wash away the traces of my tears. "I like the rain." "So do I." "Everything is fresh and new after a downpour." "Yes, it is." "Do you think he forgives me, Zechs?" "I know he does." "Thank you." Standing up, we both proceed to walk back down the steps and along the path to the car park. The rain is still falling and with each drop so I feel my soul being cleansed, the burden of guilt washed away and my step becomes lighter. I found my absolution, in the words of a friend... ...and my peace in the droplets of rain. ~ Owari ~
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