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" I Will Survive "Written By: ShenLong Disclaimer: I don't own the G boys, I just borrow them from time to time and return them a whole lot happier ne? :) The song "I Will Survive" belongs to Enrique Iglesias and is borrowed for this fic without permission. Pairings: none really Rating: PG 13 Warnings: Angst, Relena bashing, language, Heero POV, song fic Archive: www.gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com Author: ShenLong // Indicates Song Lyrics // Authors Notes: Yes this is another of my song fics and yet again using lyrics by Enrique. *shrugs* I happen to like his works and a lot of his lyrics can be translated ideally to situations with the Gundam Pilots... so sue me. The fic is set one year after Endless Waltz. Heero has recovered from his injuries and now serves as Relena's body guard. The other pilots have gone their separate ways but have re joined for a celebration party of the peace they fought so hard for. Duo has missed Heero and can't help but point out a few home truths about Heero's current situation, truths that Heero was aware of but unwilling to face.
" I Will Survive" April 2003
During my time of recovery the remaining Gundams were finally destroyed, Wing Zero having been reduced to mostly scrap with the force of the last blast to that underground fortress. My fellow pilots had left, scattered amongst the colonies and earth, searching for their niche in this new found world. My recovery complete I found I had nowhere to go and nothing but despair as my companion and so I took the job Relena offered me, a decision I was to regret immediately after making it. From that moment onwards I became a puppet once more. It wasn't until the party in honor of the peace that I finally woke up to myself. The reunion of my fellow pilots and myself brought forth emotions I had long thought buried. It was Duo that broke the final barrier, with his soft touches, love of life and manic grin, he pushed the button that triggered the demolition of my carefully constructed walls and I knew I had to act, and act now or forever surrender to the gilded cage Relena had put me in. His final hug and parting words have given me the strength to carry this through. "Break free Heero, don't become a lap dog. You made the peace now live your life,enjoy it and survive." The gentle brush of his lips against mine told me the rest and the fog lifted from my eyes. That night I confronted Relena with the news I knew she wasn't going to like. "I'm leaving." //You like to think The storm that followed was to be expected. "Relena, I am more than capable of taking care of myself." The words that came from her were the same ones I had heard so many times before. "But Heero, no one understands you like I do. I know what it is you have been through, I am the only one that can keep you stable and happy." I sighed. "Relena, I am a bodyguard.... replaceable." // And you tell everyone "I know what it is you are trying to do Relena, and it won't work. While you insist on telling people that I need you, nothing is further from the truth. Believe what you will, I can function without you, your status or so called *perks*." "The universe is a different place now Heero and while I respect your abilities as a soldier, there is no longer any need for those skills in that manner. You need me, you need me to re train you in the art of adjusting to the new peace. Without me there is no future for you." // But who gave you the right, "How dare you presume to know what I feel. You don't know me Relena, you have never known me, and you never will. All you will see is this mask, the emotions I hold deeper within were stolen by another a long time ago." Relena stared at me, her hands went to her hips and her mouth opened as if to speak. But nothing came out. Her eyes narrowed and glittered with anger. //Now I realize "Relena, you are married to your job. You don't need me, you have never needed me as a bodyguard, that was just your excuse to keep me on a leash, something to be shown off. I am not a prize, nor a pet." Relena's eyes darkened. "You won't last without me Heero. You leave me now and I promise you I will take you down." // We were never right, "You can threaten all you like Relena, my mind is made up. I will no longer be your marionette, jump when you command or dance when you pull my strings." // I will survive, "Think what you want, I will survive this. If I can survive a war I wasn't meant to, not once but twice, I'm sure I can overcome this small obstacle." // Just give me time, "I do not deny that it will not be easy, but I will do it. All I need is time." I moved to my closet and withdrew my duffle bag. Relena whirled around. "You'll be back... I know it and so do you. " she snarled. "Just remember this conversation when you come crawling for forgiveness." // I will survive, "I will never come back Relena. You can't hurt me anymore with your words or status. I have something you don't.... Friends." It had taken a while but I finally realized with Duo's parting words that I did have friends. "Friends! Hah! " Relena spat. "You call those ex pilots of yours friends? They deserted you. Where were they when you were recovering? Some friends..." I moved to stand in front of her, it took all my self control not to hit her. My face stopped within centimeters of hers, the heat of my breath brushed over her face as I spoke. "They told me what happened." Relena visibly paled. "They were there for me only you wouldn't let them in." I turned abruptly and went back to my packing. // Just wait and see "It is not I that needs you Relena, but the opposite. You are the one with the insecurities, the one that craves the constant attention to reassure yourself you are not alone. I can... and I will.... make it through this." // What makes you think "The number of times you had me present at your various functions when there was no need. There were others that were just as capable of protecting you. But you took me as your escort, forcing me to dance and make conversation when you knew full well my lack of social skills. I am wise to you Relena, I will not let you humiliate me any longer." //Don't laugh behind my back, "The number of times you and your so called friends have enjoyed a laugh at my expense is gone. I will not allow myself to be manipulated anymore. Doctor J did it to me during the war and now you. Well no more. I'm tired of this game you're playing and so I'm ending my part in it." // Now I realize, "Face it Relena, we were never meant to be together. You are destined to lead the people, head the government and keep the peace. I am, and always will be a soldier. I stand for everything opposite to your preachings and ideals. We should never have been together in the first place." // I will survive, "What you want from me I cannot give. What I want from life, you cannot supply." // Just give me time, "Don't try to deny it. You have wanted me from the moment we first met and for a while there I thought it may have been possible, but now I know better. It isn't going to happen Relena, it can never happen and while I will miss our friendship in some ways, I have to move on. My love belongs to another... my heart belongs to Duo." // I will survive, "I don't care if you broadcast that I love another man. You cannot hurt me anymore Relena. I do not deny that it will not be easy but now I have accepted my true calling I can face it. With Duo I can overcome anything." // Just wait and see, "You may have the power, the money and the influence.... but you will never have the thing you crave the most. You will never have me. So do your worst." // I will survive, Bag packed, I turned and left the room. Relena let me go. I exited the mansion and caught a cab and handed the driver the slip of paper that had been given to me. Settling back into the seat I breathed a sigh of relief. A calm stole over me, and for the first time since the end of the wars I was able to relax and bathe in the peace I had helped to create. I let it seep into my soul... and it felt good. Arriving at my destination I exited the cab and walked towards the doors. They opened before I had the chance to knock and I collapsed gratefully into the strong arms that beckoned me. "Welcome to peace Heero." I looked into your shining violet eyes, reading the love and sincerity there. My lips found yours and this time the kiss was strong, secure and full of the promise of the future. A future only we could understand and I knew then that I had truly found where I belonged. // 'Cause baby I'll survive. // ~ Owari ~
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