|
"Eternally"Written By: ShenLong Winner of the Best Music Fic - Destati 2005 Fic comp - View Award Disclaimer: I don't own the G'boys, I just borrow
them from time to time to play with and return them a whole lot happier,
ne? Also I don't own the song "Eternally" either; it belongs
to John Farnham and as such, all rights are his. Archive: http://gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com Warnings: Angst, Sap, Heero POV, Shonen-ai, Supernatural themes, Song fic, death fic (already happened). Pairings: 1x2 Rating: PG // Indicates song lyrics // Summary: Heero is bound by his inability to say three words that will free his soul. Author's notes: Again, I have no idea where this fic came from; I think my muses must be attempting to counter all the sap, fluff and drama that's going on in my other fic's with a little angst. Feedback is very much appreciated.
"Eternally" June. 2004 ShenLong I gaze down at that heart shaped face, noting the fine angles of the cheekbones, the pale, almost translucent skin and the soft fall of dark lashes. // If I could ask you, things unspoken Once more I feel the swell of emotion rise within me and I berate myself for not being able to put into words what it is I feel. I've tried, God, how I've tried but each time the words form, my vocal chords freeze up and I'm left as usual - silent. // If I could show you, any token Even trying to convey my deepest feelings of love for you through actions as opposed to muted words is almost impossible. I've tried desperately to overcome the training that was instilled in me, but it's so very hard. I've come to curse the doctors over the years for what they did to me - to us. I knew in one way that you understood, you believed in me, in us, and never pressured me for more. You were happy with what little I was able to give, never pushing, just accepting the fragments as they managed to break free, treasuring them within your heart. // If you could hear me, I'd sing love songs I was always telling you to be quiet, that you talked too much and yet in reality your voice was music to my ears. I'd often catch you softly humming away to yourself or quietly singing the lyrics to a song you particularly liked. You'd toss back your head and laugh, encourage me to join you; informing me I had a deep, yet rich, tenor. But I'd shrug you off with one excuse or another. I hated the sound of my voice, much preferring to listen to your melodious tone. Sometimes though, when I knew you weren't around, I'd give my vocal chords the freedom they craved and surprised even myself with the tunes they came out with. I wish you could hear me now as I quietly sing to you a gentle hymn you were so fond of; but you're locked in sleep. // If you could see me, I'd blow you kisses Never able to express my emotions in the way I desired, I was reduced to informing you of my love through other means. Purchasing the odd gift, taking you out to different places, doing the chores you disliked; regardless of the fact that I also disliked a lot of them. I wish you could see me now, read the emotion that hides within my eyes. You always said that my eyes reminded you of the ocean. Deep, blue and unfathomable. // I wish you could see, what you mean to me Even if I was eloquent enough with words to express what I truly feel for you, if I was capable of showing you with my touches and caresses, would it be enough for you to see? Oh, how I wish I could peel away the layers of my psyche that have been so carefully locked into place over the years and show you the love I feel for you. // When I had the chance to share with you my days I think back over the years, the time we spent together during the wars and then once the wars were over, finding myself lost and confused, redundant to a point and somehow ending up on your doorstep. Like a stray puppy you took me in, gave me food and shelter, a warm place to sleep and never once questioned me. That was one of the many things I admired about you. You always gave generously of your time, of yourself, and never asked anything in return. I had the chance to open up to you, to let you into my life completely and while I did share some of myself, I still kept a little hidden away. I was a fool. // If I could touch you, for a lifetime 'If'. Such a little word with a huge meaning. If only I'd had the courage, if only I'd opened my eyes... If only... Why is it that it's only now that I've come to understand what it is you meant to me? // If I had one wish that could be answered Given all the advances in science and technology, I find it very ironic that a person such as myself cannot find it within themselves to say three simple words. No matter how hard I tried, those words would lodge in my throat; choke me until I swallowed them away. I'd give anything, anything if I could turn back the clock and undo all the hurt that my cold exterior put you through. // I know I took it all for granted, As I carefully study your face once more it occurs to me that finally I can now say those three words. Softly I whisper them to you. "I love you." And with those words I feel my bonds shatter, the ties that bind me unravel and snap one by one, releasing my soul and giving me the peace I fought and craved. There is a brilliant burst of white light and the pull becomes too great to resist anymore. Sadly I gaze at your sleeping form once more, burning it into my memory until the time comes for us to be together again; a time when I will no longer suffocate on the syllables, but be able to speak them out loud, without fear and with emotion. // Here with me, Eternally, Eternally. // I turn slowly but then drop my ghostly fingers to your face before pressing a phantom kiss to your lips. As I pull away so your eyes flicker under their lids, a tear escapes to roll down your cheek and disappear into the void of the pillow. Your breath whispers through your lips. "Heero?" Then you are quiet once more. Unable to deny the white light and its insistent pull any longer, I move slowly towards it, feeling it surround me, caress me and bathe me in its warmth and love. As I begin to float upwards on my journey to whatever it is that awaits me on the next plane of my existence, I turn my eyes to watch your fast diminishing presence. I kiss my fingertips and blow the sentiment towards you as I'm fully engulfed. "There is no pain, Duo." "Only love..." // Eternally. //
~ Owari ~
|
