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"Gomez "Written By: Presser Pairings : 1x2 Disclaimer : Gundam Wing characters aren't mine Rating : NC 17 Warnings : This will involve graphic sex, though
not gratuitous sex. "Gomez" Chapter 4 JULY 4, A.C. 198
"Duo?" Heero was at the door, his voice quiet. Just hearing it rekindled my rage. "Go AWAY!" He said something else -- I don't know what -- and suddenly I sat up, grabbed my plate off the vanity and threw it at the door. The plate bounced off and clattered on the wood floor; the piece of steak made a gummy, sticky sound as it hit -- /like flesh./ I was frozen in position, like a golfer watching his ball hurtling from him, listening. "I'm going out." I narrowed my eyes, still frozen. A rustling sound. /He's getting his keys./ The front door closed. /He's gone./ Two voices in my head, circling each other like boxers looking for an advantage: <I thought you said you loved him.> /I do!/ <Then why do you push him away?> /Shut up!/ <Why, Duo? Why?> /I said, shut UP!/ <It's because you know he'd hate you if he knew what you were doing. That's why you're pushing him away. And if you keep it up, you're going to lose him.> /No!/ <Yes, you will. And you know it, too.> /But I -- this is not who I am. It's just something I -- I have to do. And this will be the last time. Roy said so./ <No, Duo, this is who you are. It's who you've always been.> /No.../ <You know this about yourself.> /N-no.../ <You're just fulfilling your destiny, living up to who you are.> /Sh...ut u-up.../ I finally moved my arm, surprised at how stiff it was. I shifted on the bed to sit cross-legged, letting my hands fall into my lap. My eyes went to the plate on the floor and stuck there. My thoughts froze. I don't know how long I sat in that moment, not thinking, not feeling, but finally I shook myself. /Don't think; just do what you have to do./ I rose from the bed, when to the kitchen. Paper towels, wet them; trash can; bedroom. I watched my hands clean the door, the floor, put the food in the trash, gather the plate, carry all to the kitchen. I heard a snick, and, knowing I didn't want to see, turned anyway. Felix hung from the wall by his neck, his face bulging, contorted, cheeks purple, tongue lolling. His tail twitched spasmodically. His whole body shivered with each tick. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" I stopped screaming when I had to breathe. I realized I was crouching, head between my knees, eyes squeezed shut. I gasped air, shuddered, looked up quickly. Plastic Felix ticked serenely as he always had, the benign Mighty Mouse smile of the 50s frozen under his mechanical eyes. I stood, hand to chest, willing my heart to quiet. /Just get dressed and get out of here before he comes back./ I walked to the bedroom, pulled my gym bag from the closet, began packing what I'd need that night. TBC
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