|
"Empty "Written By: Persephone Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing nor do
I own the scientists’ names. Those belong to Ponderosa. Rating: R Warnings: Angst, yaoi, Pairings: JxG Empty “Trust me on this, Gunn! We can do it, but I need
your help.” Jun thumped his closed fist on the table for emphasis
and looked earnestly into his lover’s eyes. Gunn looked back at him, struggling to remain impassive
to Jun’s pleas. It was futile, he knew, but it eased the sting
of knowing he was so firmly held under Jun’s thumb if he fought
for a bit and then gave in. He heaved a purposefully dramatic sigh
and leaned back in his chair, his hands resting on his knee. “Do you know what your asking of me, of us? If
we get caught doing this, it’s treason! We get kicked out of
the university and sent to a prison in the middle of God-knows-where
only to spend the rest of our lives toiling away in some minefield
or something!” He flung his hands out and barely missed hitting
Harim in the face, who was too busy watching the debate between the
two friends to notice. Jun immediately latched onto the “we”. He
knew Gunn was loyal to the small, tight-knit group of five. If the
other four stood firm with their decision, Gunn would support them.
It was all or nothing. He smiled sadly, shook his head, “And
if we don’t do this? Live for the rest of our lives under the
rule of some obnoxious, blood-thirsty government? Forced to do what
they want, when they want? You know that’s no kind of life for
anyone to lead. Help us, please.” He barely managed to reign
in a triumphant shout when Gunn nodded slowly. Jun got up from his chair and walked across the table to wrap his arms around his lover from behind. He pressed a kiss behind Gunn’s ear, loving the way he shivered in response and leaned back against him, “Thank you, love. You won’t regret it!”
He straightened and grabbed his notes to put up onto the board for
the other four to study, not noticing the worried glance Gunn kept
slanting his way. Gunn tiredly closed his eyes for a blissful second and
pictured Jun’s excited, gratified expression when he had agreed.
I hope so, my love. I hope so. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Two Years Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “There are too many unknown variables, not enough
test runs. We need more time. Just a little.” ZhiJuan thrust
a handful of papers with graphs and equations into Jun’s face
and almost growled when they are pushed aside. “Don’t be stupid, Jun!” Mild-mannered
Harim slapped his hand over his mouth in astonishment after he voiced
the insult. He glanced up at Jun and sighed in relief when no sign
of anger cam from the much-larger man. “It’s not ready yet! Just give it a few more
months.” Stefan glared at Jun and crossed his arms belligerently
over his chest, glaring at him as if daring him to go. His jaw nearly
droped when Jun merely brushed past him and continued on his way. Ignoring the others practically begging Jun to rethink
his decision, Gunn watched him silently from behind the wall of three,
a pair of goggles held in one hand. Don’t ask him to stay, don’t
ask him to stay, don’t ask him to stay! Gunn tried to stop the
voice screaming in his head as Jun stopped directly in front of him.
His gaze dropped to the goggles in Gunn’s hand and he raised
an dark eyebrow in question. Don’t ask him to sta- “Goggles,” he said
in answer to the unasked question, “We don’t know how well
the gundanium will hold against heat so these will help protect your
eyes.” he kept his voice brisk, impersonal, thinking Jun wouldn’t
want the emotional man hidden beneath the cool exterior. No, Jun was
never one for messy, emotional scenes. The other three men silently fell back in defeat as
Gunn and Junn walked side-by-side to where the Gundam lay waiting.
Gunn eyed it silently. Gundam Wing 00, the most magnificent creation
he had ever been a part of. And the only creation he wished he had
never been a part of. It wasn’t ready. He knew it and so did
Jun. But Jun was stubborn and this was the test date they had set
two years ago. Always one to follow a schedule religiously, Jun refused
to admit that he had been wrong in his calculations. Instead, he was
risking everything they had worked for, everything they had dreamed
of for the sake of his pride. It burned inside Gunn, made him see flaming red instead
of the resplendent machine resting before him. He hated himself for
needing Jun to stay safe, protected, where he could watch over him
and he hated Jun for needing to maintain an image of perfection and
strength in front of the four men closest to him. They stopped together before the newly-christened “gundam”
and turned to face one another. Gunn silently held out the goggles
and studiously ignored the fact that his hand was clearly trembling.
Unlike him, he thought grimly, Jun didn’t have the manners nor
wanted to take the time to pretend Gunn was feeling perfectly fine. Junn clasped his trembling hand in both of his and waited
patiently for Gunn to meet his gaze. “I’ll be fine, you
know. You shouldn’t worry so much or you’ll go gray before
your time. And then where will we be? You, a gray mushroom head and
me, a crazed scientist.” Gunn nodded, waited for the catch in
his throat to disappear before speaking. “I’m not worried about you, you conceited
asshole, I’m worried about the gundam. Go easy on the poor thing,
it’s still a baby and while you’re at it, make sure to test
the communications chip, Harim wasn’t sure it was complete before
he installed it. And-” he was cut off by Jun’s mouth closing
over his and his eyes slid closed as his arms wrapped around Jun’s
neck. He pressed his body against his lover’s, savoring the kiss
as if it was their last, putting all the words and emotions he couldn’t
express into it. Jun pulled away and pressed his forehead against Gunn’s, his breathing hard and erratic. “Ask me to stay, Gunn. Do it and I will.” Gunn squeezed his eyes shut and pressed down on the sense of relief he felt. It didn’t last long. He knew Jun, knew that if he asked him to stay it would effectively destroy their relationship because he had put it before their work. It was selfish and wrong and he knew it. Their work was more important to Jun than anything. It meant freeing the people of the colonies, saving the universe from tyranny. Love took the back burner against freedom. Slowly, Gunn pulled away and pressed the goggles into
Jun’s hand. Stay. They locked eyes and he shook his head, dying
inside but knowing it was the right thing to do. Jun’s head jerked
once in a nod of acknowledgment and he turned from Gunn to climb up
the rope ladder and into the cockpit. Stay. When the ladder dropped
to the ground, Gunn picked it up and turned and walked away. God!
Why didn’t you stay? But he already knew the answer. He hadn’t
asked him to. He was already back with the other three men at the
base of the field when the verniers fired up and the gundam took off.
He couldn’t tear his gaze from it as it flew towards the sky.
A crackle broke through the awe that held the four men
silent and they all whirled towards the communications set-up. “Houston, we have lift-off.” Jun’s voice
sounded stifled and far away. “You know, Jun, you’re lucky we’re the
ones here right now, because no one else would have gotten that joke.”
Stefan chuckled at his own joke. Harim was all business, however, and rapidly fired off
questions about the cockpit and the take-off. Jun answered each one
calmly and informed them he was turning back to the field. The four all heaved sighs of relief and turned to watch
the direction he was coming from when an alarm started to go off. Gunn grabbed the mic, “Jun! What the hell is going
on?” Jun’s voice was panicked when it came through the
speakers, “I have Alliance soldiers coming up from behind! They’re
getting ready to fire-!” his voice was cut off and Gunn whirled
towards the direction he was supposed to be returning from. He grabbed
binoculars and motioned for the others to do so. He watched in horror as mobile suits of the Alliance
swarmed around Wing Gundam 00, forcibly bit back a cry of alarm when
the gundam went down. Bile rose in his throat and he forced it back
down by sheer will. Gunn jerked his head, wilidly, them remembered Jun couldn’t
see it and grabbed the mic, “Dammit, Jun, where are you? I’m
not leaving without you! Tell me where to meet you and I will!”
“Fuck it, Gunn! Get out of there! They’re
coming and the gundam couldn’t hold them off! I’m down for
the count but you’re not! You can still get out of there!” Tears pricked Gunn’s eyes, “No, we can’t
leave you! I love you, dammit! It’s not supposed to happen like
this!” Jun’s voice was raspy and pain-filled, “I’m
wounded, love. Leave me here so you can get out! Do it! Please, if
you love me, then live!” A loud explosion rocked the field and
the mic was torn from Gunn’s frantic grip by Harim. Gunn grasped for it and cried out frantically, “Harim!
What are you doing? Jun’s lying out there, he’s hurt! We
can’t leave him! What happened to all or nothing! We can’t
leave him there! We can’t!” Stefan grabbed Gunn’s slender
body and flung him over his shoulder. In a dead run, the three raced
to the vans and Stefan threw Gunn into the passenger side of one.
Harim and ZhiJian entered the other and drove away in a flurry of
gravel. Stefan jumped into the driver’s seat and, ignoring
Gunn’s frantic cries, drove off in the opposite direction. In the middle of an underground base located directly
behind the university, Jun’s head lolled back against the chair
as the man slammed his fist into his jaw. Mangled and, Jun was sure,
with little pieces of his body littering the floor, he slipped gratefully
into unconsciousness. Gunn... Three days later, four men stood in the airport, each
with bags and passports in hand as they said their goodbyes. Soon there were only two men waiting for their planes
to be called and they sat in the waiting area, uneasily. “The L2 cluster. It’s easy to get lost there.”
his voice was emotionless, hollow, “and yourself?” Harim looked down at his ticket, uncertainly, “L4.
The Winner family opposes the Alliance. They’ll take me in, grant
me asylum.” Gunn nodded vaguely and stood to go as his plane was
called. He turned one last time to Harim, “How are you going
to build your gundam?” Harim understood and stood, also. “With a soul.” Gunn’s gaze dropped to the floor, “And if
you’ve lost your soul, what then?” Harim’s eyes darkened in understanding, “Emotions,
Gunn. Follow your emotions.” Gunn nodded once again, this time in goodbye, and walked
out of sight. Gunn walked into the abandoned warehouse and looked
around him. It would do just fine for his lab. He looked down at the
plans he had drawn on the plane. He didn’t feel proud or excited.
He didn’t feel anything. Empty, that’s what I am. Harim says to follow my
emotions. I only know of one other thing that is empty. ~ * ~ |
