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" I Try "Written By: Maaya
Disclaimer: I don’t own the character or
the song. The song, “I try” belongs to Macy Gray, though
I only used the first verse from it. Rating: PG 13 Summary: The end of the war and the pilots are all recovering at one of Quatre's estates. Duo is trying to understand his inner feelings. Warnings: Angst, Sap, Song fic, Duo POV Pairings: 1+2+1 //Lyrics// "I Try" The Third Verse by Maaya Part 3 //Here is my confession Heero wasn’t impressed by my place, but I can’t really say that I blame him. Not even I, who grew up on the streets in the worst slum area on L2, had been very happy with the place. That says a lot, you know. The subject of my affections looked around in the small space that was my present kitchen, with an almost bored expression on his face. I, for that matter, was standing behind him – not really knowing what I should do. I could feel how my hands got wet from sweat but still, they were as cold as ice. Great – I was in a cold sweat and I didn’t even know why.. no, scratch that. I knew why I was in a cold sweat, but it didn’t feel like a good enough reason. “Want something?” I asked, hoping to get away from my thoughts. “I have.. uhh.. coffee and soda and water.” I knew beforehand that he was going to say water so I filled a glass with the clear liquid and gave it to him before he had a chance to answer my question. He took the glass without saying anything, just mumbling something similar to a quiet ‘thanks’. I took a glass of soda to myself before sitting down by the small table in the centre of the room. “Now, what the hell are you doing here?” He took a sip of his water and I did the same with my soda. You know the tactic, don’t you? Take a sip of your drink, think about what you should say, keep the liquid in you mouth as long as possible, before swallowing and answering the question. Simple. [1] “Looking for you.” I almost choked on my drink when I heard that statement. I’m not really sure what I had expected, but his answer surprised me anyway. Also, note that I said ‘almost’ choked on my drink. I didn’t – if I had I’d be very sore in my throat by now. Two times a day is enough, thank you very much. “Oh.. why?” It wasn’t the smartest retort I could have given but it was at least an honest question. I was suddenly aware of the fact that he was still standing, so I motioned with my hand for him to sit down. He ignored that gesture and remained standing so I shrugged. It was hiss loss anyway. //Boy I need your touch “Don’t know.” He said, looking down in the water. I was hit by a realization – he didn’t understand. He didn’t know a thing about me nor himself. He came here because he acted on his emotions – just like Odin once told him to do. Right now though, I wasn’t really sure if I liked it or not. I had tried to get away from this boy because he didn’t understand what I wanted to say, and still, he followed me. Not even in my own thoughts did this made sense, but somehow in my heart, it did. It was quiet for a while, as neither of us could find any words to express what we wanted to say to each other. I let my hand slide down into my left pocket and I toyed with the chewing gums that were still laying there, now free from the paper packet as it seemed to have been ripped apart somehow. Finally, I took up a handful of gums and threw them into the rubbish bin. No more chewing gums for me, thank you very much. Heero’s eyes followed the last one of the light green objects as it missed the bin and fell onto the floor instead. Whoops – busted. Game over. I sighed before looking up. “Well, what do you want?” He didn’t answer so I continued, throwing questions at him with an unfair speed – he didn’t had a chance to answer either of them. “Do you want to stay? Are you planning to find a job? Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be with Relena?” The last one was unfair, and I knew it – even before I saw him flinch, both in surprise and hurt. I knew that he didn’t like the girl, he told me that, months ago - dammit! I was his best friend for goodness sake! Well, at least I had been.. “Why should I be with her?” He asked - raising an eyebrow as he peered at me, making me feel stupid for ever saying that. I was glad that I didn’t blush; everything would have felt too obvious then. My feelings, I mean. “Ahh, nothing. Just checked.” “You’re jealous.” It seemed like it was such an easy thing to say from his point of view, but it caught me by such surprise that I choked on my soda. Yup – when it’s not a gum it’s something else. “Why.. do.. what?” My attempts to speak while coughing failed. When I had managed to clear my throat, I tried again. “What?” //With all my might I try His statement hadn’t been malicious, smug, or even sad. It was just a simple statement but maybe, just maybe there was a small hint of surprise in his voice as he spoke the words..? “You’re jealous.” He repeated. I stared at him. “What makes you say that?” // I play it off but I’m dreamin of you He let go of the glass with his right hand and gestured carefully at one of his eyes, but he never said anything – just stared at me with a strange expression in his dark blue eyes. I stared back into them and I wondered when his eyes had gotten so expressive, but maybe it was I who had learnt how to read him after having been close friends in a year. I could see that he was nervous and in a twisted sort of way, it made me feel delighted. I hadn’t realized how my grip on the glass had tightened until I was beginning to feel tired in my fingers. “What makes you say that?” I asked again, raising my voice slightly as if it would force him to answer. “Because of me?” I repressed a shiver as he said this, he sounded so clueless and lonely. I lowered my eyes and I didn’t know what to say. I heard him put the glass on the table and then the slight sound of footfalls as he came closer to me. A second later, I was staring into his eyes again as I rose my blue-violet ones and I felt a cool hand touch my cheek. His eyes glowed in warmth. “We have survived the war.” He told me. “Are you going to live like this for the rest of your life?” I was now very aware of my cheek, it was like every nerve in the body part had decided to work better and usual and I had now a heightened sense of feeling there. ”No.”. “Then what are you doing here?” I shrugged, realizing that I hadn’t got a good enough answer on the question. “Can I stay with you?” Once again, he surprised me and for a moment, it felt like I would drown in those eyes. I was suddenly aware of myself nodding slowly, so slow that my braid didn’t even whip from side to side as I moved on my head, and my hand had somehow sneaked up to touch the one he stroked my cheek with. “Ye-yes.” Was what I managed to say, my voice breaking. Then he kissed me. I was just as aware of my lips that I recently had been of my cheek, and for a short moment I thought I was dreaming. The world was just a dream that I would soon wake up from and I would realize that I was lying in my uncomfortable bed in this small motel, alone. One of his hands sneaked to my back as he gradually pulled back from the kiss before mildly pushing me up in a standing position, close to his chest. “Is this alright?” He asked me, worried, and I realized how stiff I was in his arms. I let myself relax and nodded slightly. “Yes.” I breathed. “It’s alright.” //I try to say good bye and I choke ******* The End ******* [1] When I read this chapter through a last time before posting it, I realized that I’ve read that sentence earlier somewhere else (actually on *more* than one story). I’m terribly sorry if it’s *your* story it came from and you somehow feel offended that I’m using it, I hate plagiarism, but I couldn’t bring myself to change it right before posting it. Sorry ‘bout that.
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