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" Dream On "Written By: Maaya Disclaimer: I don’t own the song-lyrics in this fanfiction, nor the characters. Probably not the plot either since it exists so many of these already. I’m only the author of this fic. Let’s get on with it! Summary: When Heero leaves Duo, for Relena, Duo gets emotionally disturbed; he stops eating and stops caring about the world in general. What will happen? AU Pairings: past 1x2, then 3+4, 5+M/S, 1xR Warning: This is written in Duo-POV!! And also, it’s shounen ai. If you don’t like, then just go, please? You might say that I have Relena-bashing in this, but I don’t think it is all that much! It’s major bashing of the colour pink, though. Mention of blood. This is an oneshot, but I’ll maybe do an
epilogue later. I got the idea from the song ”Dream on”
by Aerosmith. (Dude, it’s one of my fav.songs right now, along
with “Janie’s got a gun”, also made by Aerosmith.)
There’s no real plot in this one, only the usual Duo-angst over
Heero and Relena. I know there’s 100 000 of those out on the
net already, but I had to make one to. Anyway, this takes place in
an AU-world, and it resembles our. I mean, it’s no fancy angels
or talking animals, just a plain normal, world. //Lyrics//
Dream on
//Every time that I look in the mirror All these lines on my face getting’ clearer// I hate him. I know I do. Why else do I feel sick every time I meet him, feeling that strange reaction of something I’ve never felt before? I hate his girlfriend to, Relena Peacecraft, the bitch of the school. I know she’s not really a bitch; she’s just a tease, a flirt. Just like I am, or was. Lets say ‘was’. I stared at my face, reflected in the mirror. It’s funny, really; my eyes seem too big and too violet, they don’t belong in my thin, pale face. My hair. Oh god, my hair. It’s unwashed, and hangs down on my back in a pathetic greyish braid. My skin is yellowish. I knew I shouldn’t have started to smoke those disgusting cigarettes. I’m just too late to realize that, am I not? Mom wanted me to stop, but when SHE tells me something, why would I listen? No one listen to HER! Even dad stopped and then he went away, to Canada, I think. Together with a nice talkative girl who actually wanted to have sex with him. We never heard from him again, and who cares? I was together with Heero, you know? We were best friends since we were 8 and now I hate him. When we became 15, we realized that we liked each other more than usual friends did, and that we actually enjoyed kissing each other. We were in love for 3 years. Three fucking years, when I was happy, enjoying my life with him and my friends. It was I, Heero, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, Meiran and Sally. Quatre and Trowa are together; they have been for a looong time, probably were even before the dinosaurs died. They are sickly sweet together, don’t you think? “Trowa that”, and “Quatre that”, blah, blah, blah. Eeeew! With Wufei, Meiran and Sally, I’m not sure. I’ve known Wufei for the longest of all us, and seen him bickering with Meiran, then Sally, then Meiran again. Then I’ve seen Meiran and Sally bickering with each other. Confusing stuff. In the end, I think they like to do it. I wonder if Wufei ever has to choose between them? The result would be in disaster. Then, in the middle of our happy days, the little pink princess stepped into the picture and stole Heero’s heart, in the front of my eyes. I saw it clearly, how he suddenly started to look at her, all the time! Just her; Relena Peacecraft, with her honey blonde hair, sea-green eyes and beautiful, smooth skin. Ugh! And every time he threw a look at her, she would wink or smile at him. Maybe some kissing-motions too. Like I said; Ugh! Then, one day, I found a note in my locket. Heero and I had exchanged our extra-keys, in case one of us forgot one, and the note was from him. My extra-key lay there too. A NOTE! He didn’t even have the guts to tell me face to face! The note said that he loved Relena Peacecraft, but he hoped that we still could be friend and all that. Bullshit! How could I remain a friend with Heero when I loved him so much that I hated him? //The past is gone It went by like dust to dawn// I never really tried talking with him. He didn’t either. We just lost contact with each other. Wufei told me that I was being stupid, but that Heero was an idiot. A real idiot. Quatre comforted me, or at least, he tried to comfort me. It didn’t truly work. Too much cooing and poor baby’s for my taste. Sally and Meiran stopped bickering for a week to show their sympathy for me. That’s how they deal with things. They help each other trough the hard things only to help me. In a strange way, it helped, more than Quatre did, but only for a while. They are the best girls I’ve ever met. Trowa didn’t do much of anything, he was the closest to Heero (if you didn’t counted me) and they talked for a while after he left me, but they seemed to loose contact too. Heero got too many friends from Relena, I guess. Mom yelled from the kitchen that it was to get up now,
and that I had to make myself ready for school. //Isn’t that the way Everybody's got their dues in life to pay// I got dressed, in my usual all-black attire that made me look even paler before stomping down the stairs, opened the door and slammed it closed again after me. Only too show mom that I was in a REALLY bad mood. Damn, I forgot my coat. ^^^^^^ By the time I arrived to school, I was ice-cold. It was snowing outside, damn it! The cold had numbed me into I nice state of not being able to think. (do I have to tell you that I have 4 kilometres to school?) Bus? Don’t have enough money. For a while, I wondered if I should just stay outside the school for a while and enjoy that feeling, but Quatre shoved up and dragged me into the school building. For some reason, he was angry. “Duo!? What were you thinking, standing in the cold like that? Where’s your coat? Why didn’t you go inside?” He sounded..scared? At least very upset. When I was inside in the warmth again, I started to feel the cold. It was like a massive pain in my body, that made me whimper, shake and clatter my teeth. I couldn’t understand why Quat was so angry. Was it because of me? Or someone else? How could I know that it would be so cold to walk to school in black jeans and a black tee-shirt? It only took me an hour. Pain. Cold. Alone? Yes, alone. I had friends, sure, but no one understood. That made me alone. Wufei appeared from nowhere and he calmly handed me his coat. It was still warm since he had worn it. That’s what I like about Wufei. He’s so calm. He may bicker with everyone, but he’s still calm when it’s needed and it’s soothing. He’s cool. Wait a minute! Who said it was needed? I snuggled deeper into the long grey coat and tried to stop shiver. Needless to say, it didn’t work. I don’t know why, but I’ve started to get skinny the latest months. Have I really eaten like I should? It was then I realized that both Wufei and Quatre were looking at me, or rather, staring at me. Still shivering, I grinned a somewhat shaky grin. God, I must look pathetic! “Hey, what’s up? Wufei? Quatre?” I said in a try to sound cheerful. Wonder if it worked? Then I fell. At first, I expected to feel the hard stone floor when I thumped into it, but I never did. Darkness had claimed before that. The last thing I saw was a pair of Prussian blue eyes staring at me. Maybe it was just my imagination? //I know what nobody knows Where it comes and where it goes//
Floating
White Alive? Awake Where was I? In a white room. Wait, I recognized it! I was in the schools resting room, where you can stay if you feel sick or something. What the fuck had happened? Cold Did I faint? Impossible, right? Right? Boys don’t faint. Oh, well.. Maybe I fainted.. The door opened and I saw a blonde head peek into the room. Quatre. Great, he was probably *very* worried right now. When he saw that I was awake, his eyes lit up “Hey”, he said, carefully and tried to smile, and hide his concerned expression, but it didn’t work. “Hey” I answered, as quietly as he had done and sat up in the bed. Ouch, they should really buy some new beds in this school, I mean; the students can get serious problems with their backs if they rest long enough. I can already feel my future trouble; maybe I can blame the headmaster? Anyway, back to Quatre. He looked at me as if I was an alien or something. Self-consciously, I touched my hair and my face to feel if something felt strange about it. Nope, I hadn’t got any horns. Lucky me. Quatre continued to stare. Finally he opened his mouth and spoke, “You’ve changed, Duo. I can’t understand why I didn’t saw this earlier.” Sigh. Exactly what I wanted to hear. Go on and blame yourself Quatre, like you always do. It’s not your fault anyway. It’s Heero’s, Relena’s and maybe my self’s too.. “The school-counsellor wants to see you. She’ll be here in a minute.” Quatre continued. When he saw how angry I got because of his last statement, he decided that it was time to go, “Umm, I’ve got to hurry to class now, bye!” He closed the door and disappeared down the corridor. //I know it's everybody's sin You got to lose to know how to win// A minute later, I heard a timid knock on the door. Before I had time to answer, a woman who probably was the school-counsellor stormed in. I stared at her. She was of middle-length, thin, and her long straight black hair made her skin look paler that in actually was. She was dressed in all white clothes, and it gave me the impression that she worked on a hospital instead of a school. “You’re Mr. Maxwell, right?” she asked in a calming voice. That kind of voice that makes you sleepy, “Can I call you Duo?” I shrugged, and she seemed to take it as a ‘yes’. She sat down on the bed beside me and took out a gigantic writing pad from he pocket. A pencil appeared from nowhere and she wrote something I couldn’t see. When she looked up again, she stared directly into my eyes. He eyes were blue, something I hadn’t noticed earlier. “My name is Sarah Bishop. You can call me Sarah if you want.” I shrugged once again. What could I actually answer? Sara spoke again, “Duo, I was send to talk to you about some things you seem to have a problem with. You fainted when you arrived here, why?” “Don’t know” I mumbled and looked out of the window beside her head. I could see a snowflake falling from the grey sky. A moment later, a second came. “Mr. Chang said you didn’t had a jacket when you came. Where’s your jacket?” Oh, nice question. Where do you think it is, idiot, in the fridge? “At home” I said and tried to ignore my annoying mind that seemed to enjoy throwing sarcastic questions. How can I stand myself? Sarah wrote something more on her notepad, before watching me again. Suddenly I realized what she looked like; a vampire. I wonder how she would react if I told her that? Best not to try.. “You’re awfully pale, Duo. Have you really eaten like you should? You’re a growing boy and you need to eat.” That was a *good* question. I had no idea what I had been eating the last days. Did I even eat breakfast today? I shrugged and Sarah continued to write on her notepad. This was gonna be a loooong day..
Live and learn from fools and from sages// ^^^^^^ “How did it go?” Quatre asked as he and I went into the cafeteria to get some lunch. Sarah had given me a detailed description of what I should eat every day, and how much. I wasn’t in my best mood, but then again, when had I been in a good mood latest? Good question. And I couldn’t answer it either. Suddenly, I realized that Quatre waited for an answer. I snorted. “Don’t know” It was true, I didn’t know if it had been a good or a bad meeting. Sarah had just asked me some questions and then she wrote a lot. Nothing interesting. The school served a strange thing that they called ‘spaghetti’ today, but the students called it ‘grey glogg’. It was more of a grey substance, that’s why we called it that. Grimacing, I laid a lot on my plate as I remembered Sarah’s words. ‘You must eat more Duo, for your own sake’. The school-staff stared at me in shock, as did Quatre. “Hungry today?” he asked in wonder as he took his own portion, which was a lot smaller than mine. “Nope, but the counsellor wanted me to eat more, I answered honestly.” As I saw his expression, I realized that he didn’t like talking about it. Strange, it should be the other way around, right? I being the one not wanting to talk, and he being the one who tried to help? Maybe it was just too strange for him that Duo, the happy joker and one of his best friends have to meet the school-counsellor? I have to admit; it *is* quite strange. We managed to find a clean, empty table and we sat down. As we ate, Quatre chatted on about this and that, while I listened. In a way, it reminded me of when I was together with Heero. I was like Quatre, who tried to make conversations all the time about unimportant things, while Heero just listened, and maybe grunted an answer now and then. After a while, Wufei arrived and sat down together with us. He never asked if I was okay, but somehow I was grateful about it. Strange, huh? I wasn’t all that hungry, but I ate the most of the ‘grey gogg’ anyway. Don’t know how I managed. AS we sat there at the table, Quatre suddenly looked up with an unreadable expression in his face. I knew what I would see, but I looked up anyway. I regretted it. I saw Heero walk past the table, close enough so I could touch him if I wanted. Relena clung to his arm as if it was her only way to survive. It made me disgusted. Just as they went past, Heero looked at me. We looked into each other’s eyes for a second, before I looked away. When I looked up again I saw that he had looked away too. Was that good or bad? I wonder what he saw in my eyes? Did he see how ‘dark’ it was inside of me? If he did, he didn’t show it. Not that he ever did. I got quite surprised when I saw the glare Quatre of all people, gave Heero. My ex-boyfriend also seemed surprised by that, who knew that kind little Quatre could glare like that? Relena seemed to be uncomfortable by our way to greet them and decided that they weren’t welcome. Surprise, surprise, but she was actually right for once. //You know it's true All the things come back to you// ^^^^^^ I regretted that I had eaten so much for lunch, because everything came up later. I sat in one of those toilet stalls and threw up everything I had in my stomach and maybe more too. Needless to say; I felt like shit. I ran away from the math-class without asking for permission, ignored the strange looks I got, and sprinted inside the toilet stall. I did *not* want to puke on the floor. I know a guy who did that once, and he had to clean up the mess afterwards. When I was done, I stood up again and looked at myself in the mirror, like I had done this morning. I even *looked* like shit. Heero. It was after he left that all this started. But I can live without him, can’t I? And what do I mean with ‘all this’? I decided to go home, Quatre could get as worried as he wanted but I’ll go home. //Sing with me sing for the years Sing for the laughter and sing for the tears// ^^^^^^^^ It was cold outside, *very cold*. I wondered if I should have borrowed Wufei’s coat since he takes the bus anyway. Well, I couldn’t do anything about it now. I figured that mom wouldn’t be home when I came, so I would get the whole house for myself. Finally some good news. As I walked down the road, shivering, I suddenly saw something. Guess who? Right the first time; I saw a guy with messy brown hair and Prussian blue eyes. With him, he had his pink girlfriend; Relena Peacecraft. Funny, I never thought that the little princess would be the type to skip classes. Heero I knew, but that she did it made me really surprised. They hugged each other, and I realized that I had to walk right past them to get home. Exactly what I wanted. I really hope you heard the sarcasm in my last statement! I fought against my urge to turn around and pretend that I hadn’t seen them, but what I had left of my dignity made me walk straight ahead. Sometimes I hate myself. I made it past them without any problem, but suddenly I heard a voice that said, “Where’s your jacket?” It was Heero who had spoken, and he managed to catch me by surprise. Why does he always do that? “Uhh, what?” I said as I turned around to face him. Wow, I should win 100 dollars for the year’s worst answer. I sounded like the guys with IQ lower than 10 who like to pester me at school. Sigh. Heero bit his lip, and looked nervous. I didn’t know that he could look serious, but he did as he repeated, “Where’s your jacket?” Suddenly, I felt angry. What kind of question was that? Why did have want to know? I really wanted to tell him to fuck off, but I couldn’t. Why am I so weak? Instead, I said, “Why do you care?”. Heero seemed taken back by that, and I don’t blame him. Before he left me, I used to be happy and nice to just about everyone. He looked at Relena for a moment and she shrugged, before leaving. She walked down the lonely street in swift motions. She didn’t seem angry, but annoyed and frustrated. Her pink clothes seemed even pinker that usual against the grey asphalt. I can’t understand how Heero stands to look at her since he used to hate pink as much as I do. We used to make fun of those self-conscious Barbie-girls in school who worshipped pink for an unknown reason. We used to play videogames, eat ice cream and laugh without reason too. Now Heero seems so grown up, so old. When Relena was gone, he looked at me before he opened his mouth. “Where are you going?”. I guess that he tried to start a conversation. He failed. I merely shrugged. “Home”, and started to walk. I could hear him following, and suddenly I felt something warm around my shoulders. I glared at Heero and his coat, which I was now wearing. It was his turn to shrug “It’s freezing, and your lips are turning blue.” He didn’t wear anything more than a shirt under the coat and he would probably catch a cold, but I accepted the coat anyway, as if to show that I didn’t care about him. Besides, it felt quite nice. //Sing with me if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away// We walked in silence for a while before Heero surprisingly broke it. “Is everything fine?” he asked. “It’s okay” I answered. It felt strange to talk to him; I hadn’t done that in almost a year. “How is everyone?” I tried to smile at the question. “As usual. Quatre and Towa are just..Sweet, and the rest are bickering with each other.” Heero actually laughed. Laughed! I hadn’t heard that special sound that I had learnt to love in a year! ‘But’, I had to remind myself, ‘you don’t love it anymore, do you?’ The voice in my head seemed angry. //Sing with me if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away// We walked the rest of the way in silence, until we reached my house. I took the coat off and handed it to him “Thanks”. He only smiled at me. For some reason, I didn’t want to go inside just yet. We stood and stared at each other for a moment before he reached out and caressed my cheek. “It was nice to meet you again Duo. Good bye.”. He turned around and walked away. I stared at him. I realized that this was the good bye he couldn’t say to me last year. It was the end. The end. I went inside, and I felt strangely empty inside. Too empty. I knew what I had left to do, and I smiled. It didn’t matter anymore. I searched through the bathroom for the razorblades I knew we kept somewhere. As I found one, I tested its edge with my finger. It started to bleed instantly. I didn’t know that blood could have such a crimson red colour. The knife’s edge got a metallic red colour because of the grey steel. //Dream on dream on dream on Dream yourself a dream come true Dream on dream on dream on// I took the knife and went upstairs. I seemed to be mesmerized by the blade and I couldn’t take my eyes away from it. It was so dangerous, but still beautiful.. Beautiful? Had I really thought that? I sat down on the bed and thought for a minute. I looked at the white sheets, as I thought about Quatre, Wufei, Sally, Trowa, Meiran, Mother, Father and finally Heero. Heero. Good Bye. //Dream until your dream comes true Dream on dream on dream on dream on Dream on dream on dream on yeah// Slowly, I put the edge of the blade against my wrist, where I could see the bluish blood vein. I stared for a minute as I realized what I was doing, and then took all my courage and I pushed the knife into the vein. The blue colour got red as the blood streamed out of my arm, colouring the sheets red. I slit my other wrist too, but the pain wasn’t big. I didn’t feel anything, inside or outside. I leaned back on my bed as I relaxed. I got slowly colder. //Sing with me sing for my year Sing for my laughter and sing for my tear Sing with me if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away Sing with me sing for my year Sing for my laughter and sing for my tear Sing with me if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away// ^^^^^^^^ |
