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"I wish I were you "Written By: Lisa-chan Disclaimer: The G-boys are not mine. I only use
them for loads of fun and for putting them in compromising situations
and stuff. Rating: NC-17 Warnings: yaoi, Lime, Lemon, Yaoi, and all that
jazz ;p Pairings:1x2, 5x6, 2x4, 3x4 Summary: Everyone always sees Heero and Duo as the perfect couple. But what if Duo finds out that Heeros extremely possessive and jealous? And what if Heero finds out that Duo has a not so secret admirer? Authors note: This thing has taken me more than five years of my life, excluding the beta-reading, so I hope it will make you laugh and cry, it will make you hard or wet or horny or whatever, In short, I hope youll like it! :D Thanks to Lathroniel for the beta-reading.
"I Wish I Were You" 24. Regret
The couch was comfortable to sit in. The couch was fairly comfortable to fuck in. The couch was not comfortable to sleep in. Duo gave a sideway punch to the couch cushion. His limbs were still stiff from sleeping here the previous night, after their fight. How was he supposed to get some sleep? Such a big house, one might wonder how there couldnt have been a guest room here. He wondered what the time was. There was a big antique clock in the lounge room, but he couldnt see the hands in the darkness. He could only hear the beating of his heart, like seconds of some internal clock. A while ago, the chime had sounded four times. He hadnt paid any attention to it before how beautiful it sounded. Rich, and very melodious. Homely. He briskly turned around, pressing his face into the pillow. He could still smell the salt of his tears. Earlier that night, a sudden panic had overwhelmed him, about what would happen if Heero wouldnt forgive him. That lump of misery had started swelling in his chest, like an unstoppable balloon, and he had cried, sobbed, he had wanted to scream. He had slapped himself, banged his fists against the couch. He had paced around, kicking things as he went. He hated this feeling. And it was all his own damn fault. He turned again, cursing as his feet got tangled up in the sheet. It was then that he noticed that there was light in the hallway. He heard a sound, a mug being placed down on something. It came from the kitchen.
Heero yawned as he poured the milk into his mug. Before him on the wall hung the wok pan, and when he looked at it, he felt strangely nostalgic of when things were still alright. He couldnt really describe how he felt. It was like being locked up in a tiny box, and he wanted to break out of it, but no matter how hard he pushed, he couldnt break the walls. Kind of claustrophobic. It was very new to him, this being cheated on. He had opened up to someone, had trusted someone, and now that someone had broken his trust. Hed never known he could feel so hurt, but in spite of that, he wished he could go back to that time when he and Duo were watching over Wufeis shoulder and had to stop themselves from stealing noodles out of his wok pan. He took his mug and turned, gasping in surprise when he saw Duo standing in the doorway. His look immediately soured. Heero, Duo said softly. What are you doing here? Heero intently stared at the milk in his mug. Duo looked fucking hot with his hair all tangled and wearing only his boxers. The black one with a lurid green King Size Lover printed on it. Look Heero, Im sorry about what happened. Heero shrugged and sipped from his milk. He sighed and went sitting at the table with his hands pressed against his eyes. Then he yawned again, making it obvious he didnt feel like talking. Duo hugged himself helplessly. Heeros avoiding him stung badly. He too was only wearing boxers, and unlike Heero, he didnt avert his eyes, but let them roam over the flat belly, the strong thighs, his silky soft hair. You knew I was gonne be here. Now dont go ignoring me. Heero briefly peered up at him. Thought youd be asleep by now. How do you expect me to sleep? Oh, I dont know. Maybe youre exhausted from jerking off over Quatre. Heero!! Heero winced. The yell almost physically hurt his ears. He glanced up at Duo again; there were tears in his eyes. He had to admit it moved him. But only a little. I said Im sorry! He moved to sit next to Heero and laid his hand on his arm in an attempt to get his attention. I hate feeling like this. I wanna talk it over. You brought it on yourself, Heero murmured, taking another gulp from his milk. I know! Duo stared at the mug of milk with deep regret. There was a time when Heero wouldve let him suck that milk off his fingers. They had fucked, right here, on this very table. Everything carried memories! Heero licked some milk from his upper lip, and Duo gave a hiss of desire. His tongue! He longed for its taste in his mouth. Heero gave him a suspicious leer, but didnt react any further. He wondered if hed done it on purpose, to taunt him. Of course he knew he was looking at him. And his tongue. Just as he opened his mouth to say something, Heero spoke again. I just wanna know He slightly shook his head and looked at him. Why did you do it? Duo blinked and stared at him wide-eyed. Why are you staring like that? Im giving you a chance to explain. But Im warning you His eyes narrowed. Itd better be a damn good explanation. Duo nodded dumbly, still staring. And dont you give me any heat of the moment kind of crap. If you want heat, you know I can give you all the heat you want. On top of the staring came the gaping. Duo felt his heartbeat quickening and his cock stirring. It was only Heeros impatient frown that made him realize he was wasting precious time. I guess you know, Quatres never had a boyfriend before. He was insecure, he didnt know how to do it. He just wants to do it right, so he wouldnt look stupid. You know how it goes. Heero slowly tilted his head. For a while, he didnt say anything. Duo couldnt help but squirm uncomfortably while Heero contemplated. Thats hardly a reason, Duo. If Quatres insecure, he damn well has to figure that out with his boyfriend. Hell, our first time wasnt all that magical either! Thats different, Heero! We were both experienced, wed had sex before! When would I have ? Heero interrupted. Please, Im neither blind or stupid. I saw the way everyone was checking you out, back at school, and the way you looked back. Being too late in class. Entering the boys room with a guy, and coming out again with the same, looking all flushed and ruffled. Hn. You knew. Of course. But back to Quatre now. Quatre didnt know anything about it, not a thing! He felt guilty for using that excuse. Coz it wasnt true. He had seen the boys naked, beautiful cock between his thighs and he had lost all control. He still remembered how Quatre had moaned, and it still turned him on. That might as well be! But if Quatre has a boyfriend whod really love him, then hed be understanding and help him. You dont need to show it for him how it goes! Yes, I realize that now. But Heero We didnt There wasnt any penetration. We didnt actually fuck. Christ, Duo! Heero yelled. He slammed his fist on the table, and Duo flinched. Do you really expect me to believe that? Do you really think Im that stupid?! Duo retorted with the same kind of vigor. Do you really think Im that stupid! It was Quatres first time! I admit, we did other things, and I was horny as hell, but luckily, I came to my senses again just in time. Did you really think I was gonna take his virginity? Heeros face softened again. He sighed and shrugged. I guess youre right. He rubbed his eyes and drank from his milk again. And if it hadnt been his first time? If he wasnt a virgin? Duo briefly looked at Heero, and then looked away. There was shame and guilt in his expression. Then, probably Heero sharply turned away with clear disgust, and Duo was quick to grab his arm. Heero, please, he pleaded. I admit, it was a thrill to be with someone else. But its nothing compared to the thrill of being with you, of the bond we share. Duo noticed that Heero was blinking back tears. He saw his chance and took it. He cupped both hands around Heeros jaws and pressed their foreheads together. We had such a strong connection. There was an unmistakable shiver in his own voice as well. Its been broken. You broke it. We can fix it. We can make it whole again. He felt tears running over his cheeks, tears of distress, but also tears of hope, because he saw that Heero was crying as well. He took one of Heeros hands in both his, and kissed the palm softly. I want to become your husband one day. Not now of course, that would be ridiculous. But I always want to have your smell in my nose, your taste in my mouth, your skin under my fingertips. And until that day comes, maybe were gonna fuck around together as much as we can, just because its fun. But having a future with you, thats what makes life worth living. He chanced to brush his lips briefly over Heeros. I miss you. Heero nodded, sniffing his nose. I miss you too. He looked down, to their entwined hands. But this is not gonna do. What? What do you mean? You know, theres nothing wrong with fucking around. But you dont fuck around with your best friend. And every time Id kiss you, hold you, fuck you, Id be reminded of what you did. Duo vehemently shook his head. No, dont say that. He placed a hand around Heeros neck and pressed their foreheads back together. It was the only kind of closeness Heero seemed to allow right now. Youre gonna forgive me It had rather sounded as a mild order than a plea. You belong to me. I dont belong to anyone. If I want to leave you, then Ill do just that. No Duo groaned. I want you back His hand rubbed gently between Heeros legs, finding the shape of his cock and stroking it. I love you Heero gasped, arching his back against Duos touch. Then he imagined that same hand on Quatres cock, and he abruptly stood up, turning away. No! Duo, you cant solve this with sex. He rubbed a hand over his face and turned towards the door. Its never gonna be the same. I dont know if I can still trust you. He heard Duo stirring behind him, heard the soft sounds of suppressed sobs. They both knew how much theyd already fucked around in the backrooms of gay clubs. But Duo knew that bringing that topic up wouldnt make any difference. Those guys were just passerbys in their lives. Quatre wasnt. And he also regretted how much he was gonna hurt him by choosing Heero. But a life without Heero was something hed never be prepared for. He noticed Heero shuffling towards the door, his back still to him. The conversation wasnt over yet, but apparently he was tired of it for tonight. Heero heard the scraping of a chair and was hardly surprised when he felt Duos arms enveloping him from behind. What did surprise him was how unpleasant it felt right now. Duo, please let go of me, he murmured. No, Duo sobbed. I made one mistake, Heero. It was one too many. Heero Duo croaked. I had absolutely no idea Quatre felt that way about me. Otherwise I never wouldve done it. You know I dont toy with peoples feelings like that. Heero laughed, but it was a hard and humourless sound. I mean ! Duo spluttered. He turned Heero around and grabbed his shoulders. Look, when we fuck guys in clubs, we know there are no strings attached! I thought that with Quatre that was the case as well! I admit that I was turned on by him, but I dont love him! He had a feeling he was making it worse. He covered his face with his hands, and he got that feeling from before again, that he wanted to scream, and before Heero could even react, hed pressed his lips against his. There was despair in his kiss. Heero stayed impassive, but didnt push him away. When he broke the kiss, he buried his face against Heeros shoulder, letting his tears wet the tanned skin. I thought that you and me, it would be forever. Heero didnt reply. Tell me its gonna be alright, he whispered. I dont know that, Heero said. I have to think it through. They stayed like that for a while, Duos arms clutching hopelessly at Heero, and Heero putting up with it. Eventually, Heero gently pushed them apart. Im going back to bed now. Duo nodded. Okay. He quickly wiped the tears away with his hand, and while Heero slouched up the stairs, he slouched back to his couch. ~*~ Duo watched how the butter sizzled around his French toasts. The edges slowly turned a darker shade. He pressed on them with his fork, and they gave a sizzling sound. Where he pressed, a little moisture from the batter welled up. Thats how he liked them. Juicy, sweet and rich. Fascinating? he suddenly heard someone saying next to him. He jumped and looked aside. Damn Quatre, you startled me! Quatre chuckled. You in charge of breakfast again? No, I just felt like making them. Then at least they are the way I want them. He shrugged, flipping the French toasts. Not like I got anything else to do anyway. Quatre saw the distress in his eyes. Normally hed still be in bed at this hour, cuddling and kissing and lazing around with Heero. He dismissed the thought. You need help? Um yeah, if you could make some more batter, that would be great. He gestured towards the kitchen table. Milk and eggs are over there. Okay! Quatre beamed. Hey, you look good with those. Duo looked down. The pants? Yeah, I dont often wear Bermudas, but they were on sale. And the shirt too. He grinned sheepishly. You probably think Im a cheapskate. Nah. Guess you need all your money for lube and toys, Quatre giggled. Duo gave a hesitant smile in return. It was hard to keep a mixture between coldness and kindness. He didnt want to completely push him away, but being too friendly would get funny ideas in that blond head again. Quatre got to work with milk, eggs and sugar, and when the batter was finished, he started soaking new slices of bread in it, arranging them carefully on a plate. Duo peered over his shoulder to see how far along Quatre was with the French toasts. He blinked and quickly fixed his attention on the pan again. Quatre was licking the batter off his fingers. Sucking the batter off his fingers. He briefly shook his head and slid his French toasts on a plate. This should be over now! Quatre, the French toasts? he called over his shoulder as he added butter in the pan. He soon regretted it. Quatre came next to him with the plate, and after hed put it down, he scooped up more batter out of the bowl on the fingers of his other hand. Hm, tastes good, he murmured. Uh yeah, Duo mumbled, peering at Quatre while he cleaned the batter off his fingers. Quatre became aware of Duos gaze on him and grinned. He started to repeatedly push his fingers in and out of his mouth. Duo swallowed and quickly placed the French toasts in the pan. He was relieved to hear the sound of feet stumbling down the stairs, and laughter stumbling along with it. When Zechs and Wufei tottered into the kitchen, he gave them a funny look, which earned him a defensive glare in return from Wufei. What? It doesnt always have to be you or Heero who strut around here in their boxers, he snapped humorously. Zechs likes me best like this. Actually, I like you better out of them, Zechs murmured, sneaking his hand down the front of Wufeis boxers. Zechs, not here Duo rolled his eyes, and before Wufei and Zechs got a chance to get hot and naked, he none too gently placed the plate of steaming French toasts on the table. Sit and eat, he said. Im not in the mood for your ravenous hormones right now. Zechs delicately seated himself on a chair and cleared his throat. May I remind you of the time you were eavesdropping at our bedroom door while me and Wufei I said not right now! The couple chuckled and proceeded feeding each other bits of French toasts. Duo had already started clearing away the dishes when Heero finally entered the kitchen. Heero, he said. Want me to make you some breakfast? He tried to give him a hesitant smile. Heero didnt answer it and just walked past him to the coffee machine. No, just some coffee will be fine, Heero murmured, pouring himself a cup. Are you sure? Its no trouble at all. Heero blew his coffee and took a careful sip. Its okay. His voice was soft, but firm. Duo watched him for a moment. He felt his breath shortening with agitation. Why are you so cold? You need to ask? Did our conversation yesterday mean nothing at all? Heero gazed in his mug and sighed. Our conversation yesterday was good. He looked up and saw Quatre behind Duo at the counter, clearing away his own plate. His look soured. But Im still very disappointed in you. Duo stared at the floor, blinking back tears. He sucked in a breath when an arm laced around his own. It was Quatres arm. It will be alright, Quatre cooed. He reached up with his other hand to softly stroke Duos upper arm. Dont worry. Heeros eyes were drawn to it inevitably. Duo didnt welcome the gesture, but he didnt reject it either. In his minds eye, he saw Quatres stroking hand reaching up to touch Duos cheek, turning his face to him and kissing him. Duo would open his mouth, and accept the pink, greedy tongue. He would run his hands over Quatres body, lift his shirt over his head and squeeze at his chest. Heero snapped out of it and slammed his mug on the counter. Cursing under his breath, he stormed out of the kitchen. Heero, wait! Duo called after him. Worried, but curious, Wufei got up and followed him. He found him in the hallway sullenly kicking the wall with his heavy boot. Whats going on? he said, closing the door behind him. Heero gave him an annoyed look. You really have been living on your cloud number nine these past few days, havent you? Wufei frowned. Duo has cheated on me, Heero sighed. He what?! He has cheated on me! Heero repeated, giving the wall a particularly vicious kick. Well, almost. He wanted to, that bastard. With who? With Quatre! They didnt actually do it, but if it wasnt for Quatre being a virgin, he wouldve gone through with it. God knows what they did do. It was silent for a moment. Heero glanced aside and wondered why Wufei looked like hed just found the solution to all the mysteries in the universe. This is all my fault. Heero wrinkled his nose, as if the thought would be completely ridiculous. What? How can this be your fault? Look Heero. Wufei bit his lip, chewing the words over before he would speak them. What Duo has done, or wanted to do, is a terrible thing. But I dont think the blame lies entirely with him. Heero shook his head in confusion. What are you talking about? Quatres in love with Duo. And I knew about it. How? I heard him moaning. And it was Duos name that he was moaning. Huh? Where? When ? Wufei could see the tension in Heeros arms, in his fists. The way his eyes sparkled with anger. He reached out and put a calming hand on his shoulder. Calm down, Heero. He relaxed a bit under his touch. It was on that morning when we received the invitation from Relena. When I got out of my room, I heard someone moaning in yours and Duos room, but it was clearly someone elses voice. Besides, I heard you both downstairs. Heero looked away and flushed. He remembered. It mustve been around that time when he was holding Duo up against the banister and was ramming his groin against Duos crotch. When I listened more closely, I recognized Quatres voice, moaning in an obviously sexual way, and saying Duos name. Clearly, he was fantasising about him. I didnt want to say anything because I thought it was just a crush and that it might blow over. But He withdrew the hand that was resting on Heeros shoulder and ran it over his face. Now its too late. I see, Heero said, nodding slowly. Okay. But that still doesnt justify Duo leading Quatre on. Its not fair to Quatre, and to me. It mightve been avoided if you both knew about it! Duo couldve stopped giving him sex education, he couldve picked up on some signals. You couldve been more careful. Heeros jaw set. His fist clenched and unclenched. It unnerved him how much Quatre had taken advantage of Duo. And Duo had not wanted to see it. And Heero had seen it, but Duo wouldnt believe it. Maybe youre right. Im sorry. You dont have to apologize. The only one to blame is Duo. And Quatre. Heero shrugged, dismissively. Yeah, he muttered. Listen Heero. Everyone can piss next to the po sometimes. But youre never gonna find someone like Duo again. He gave Heero a soft, encouraging punch on the chest. Think about it. Heero nodded slowly again, his mind sunken in thoughts. I will. ~*~ It was around two oclock in the afternoon when Quatre heard the angry roar of a car outside. He recognized the roar; it was the sound of a Jaguar. His Jaguar. He ran to the window, just in time to see his favourite black Jaguar storm off the driveway and out of sight. Breathless with anger, he turned around to Wufei and Zechs who were sitting on the sofa. Who ?! Wufei gingerly looked up from his hot cocoa. Uhm I heard Heero mentioning that he had some business this afternoon. Quatres mouth fell open. He was appalled. I didnt give him permission to use that car! Wufei rolled his eyes. Quatre, please Permission? Do you have any idea how much that car costs?! You dont drive it around just like that! It needs to be handled with care. And the way I saw him screeching off the driveway just now, is not handling it with care! Dont worry, Quatre, Zechs said in his soft voice. Heero knows that when theres so much as a scratch on one of your cars, hell have to reimburse you for it, and he doesnt have the money for that. Hes not that stupid. Besides, he can safely manoeuvre a Gundam, Im pretty sure he knows how to handle a Jaguar. Quatre pulled a chair up to the window and gazed through it, seemingly determined to wait until Heero came back. Youd better be right.
Heero was humming along with the song on the radio as he drove back up the driveway. The adrenaline was pumping through his veins. Hed been driving at a monstrous speed with a fine, prestigious car that belonged to someone whod taken the one person that was precious to him. It had been the perfect way to let off some steam and cool some of his anger. On top of that, he had finally obtained a clear view on what he should do with Duo now. Now he still had to find the right moment to tell him. He whistled insouciantly when he got out of the car. Hed already seen Quatre waiting for him at the front door. Hed also seen that the boy was seething with anger. I borrowed your car, he said, throwing the keys to Quatre. Quatre caught the keys and started circling around his beloved car. Dont worry, I didnt hurt her. Whereve you been? Youve been away for two hours! Heero shrugged. Needed to get out. Where did you even get the keys? I found them on your nightstand. Figured thats where theyd be. Whats dear to you, you wanna keep close to you. That shouldnt be too hard to understand, right? Heeros voice was sharp. Couldnt you ask first? Heero barked out a laugh. I dont see the point. You didnt ask me either before you crawled on top of my boyfriend. You mean that incident from yesterday?! Heero sharply turned his head and looked at Quatre, almost challenging. Was there any other incident I should know about? Quatres eyes narrowed, and his fists clenched at his side. I thought we already went through that, he hissed. And also, Id like you to know that it was Duo who took the initiative, not me! Heero grinned and tapped Quatre softly on the shoulder. Sure it was, Quatre. Sure it was. He left Quatre to the further inspection of his car and went upstairs, heading straight for Trowas room. Knocking on the door, he waited for a reply. Who is it? Its me, Heero. Come in. When he entered, he found Trowa with a controller in hand and staring intently at the TV screen. His upper body moved according to the race cars on the screen. Didnt know you liked gaming? Just on that moment, Trowa crashed his car against another. He looked triumphant, and in a weird way, sadistic. Yeah well, he shrugged. What do you want? Heero sat next to him on the bed. Just wanted to know how you were doing. I didnt see you at breakfast this morning. Trowa paused the game and put the controller next to him on the bed. He sighed. I didnt feel like sitting around the table with Quatre and Duo like nothing had happened. Yeah, I know how you feel. It took me quite some courage to show my face downstairs as well. But we have to figure it out, right? We cant avoid each other forever. Yes, Trowa nodded. If we cant stand to be around each other, then it will be the end of our little group. And I dont want that. Its just He looked up at the ceiling, and Heero could see that he was having a hard time processing all that had happened. Quatres so unreasonable. I love him, Heero, I really do. Ive been trying to make it obvious to him. And of course, I had seen that he rebuked my attempts to get closer to him, but I just thought he was afraid of those feelings, of being in love, of thinking of me in another way than just a friend. I had never suspected he didnt want me. He only has Duo in mind. Heero put a comforting arm around Trowas shoulder. Im sorry. It hurts so much, Heero. I know. And then to think he even went so far as to as to seduce Duo into sleeping with him. And to think I couldve prevented it by saying No Duo, let me take those pastries up to Quatres room. But no, I let him go. Trowa, please dont try to take the blame on you. Wufei also tried to do that, but theres no sense in that. Duo just had to control his hormones. Yeah, like Quatres such an innocent. When he looks at you with those angelic eyes, its hard to resist, Heero. You also think Quatre had some hand in it? Of course. Listen Heero, from what I gathered, you and Duo had a bit of an argument. I think that mightve influenced him. He was tired of you regarding him as your property, and if you were jealous all the time, I think he just wanted to give you a real reason to be jealous. I know it sounds a bit farfetched, but the human mind is a strange thing, Heero. He turned his head to look at Heero. But thats over now Heero. Hes had his revenge, and now I think hes truly sorry about what hes done. Hes a wreck, Heero. You two had such a wonderful relationship. I think it would be foolish to throw it all away. Heero could sense the deeper meaning in what Trowa said, could see it in his eyes, the regret of not having what he and Duo had. Trowa grinned. Would you just look at us? Two pitiful losers who dont know what to do with their lovers. Yeah, Heero smiled. But if its any consolation, Duo didnt go through with it. What do you mean? If I have to believe him, and I do, he stopped just in time. Heero hugged Trowa closer and whispered in his ear. He didnt take Quatres virginity. Trowa gasped and sharply turned his head. Really?! His mouth hung open while he watched Heero nodding. Then he stared blankly ahead for a moment. I think I have a newfound respect for Duo. Heero laughed. Say Trowa, you mind if I play with you? he said, nodding towards the controller. No, of course not. He got up and grabbed a second controller. Didnt know you liked gaming. Heero shrugged and grinned. Just need to crash a few cars of my own. Trowa plugged the controller in and restarted the game. So, what car are you gonna pick? A black Jaguar.
To be continued Chapter 25 |