|
"Alternative Directions: Options "Written By: Karina Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the lovely
boys and their girls in the series. Wish I did. Please don't sue me.
I haven't even got a brass razoo to give you. Rating: Deffinately PG in Australia, at the moment,
but probably safer to say R for later chapters. Not sure about international
ratings Warnings: It will be 6x2, even though it does
not start out that way. After all, Zechs and Duo never met in Gundam
Wing and only spoke briefly over a com line in Endless Waltz. I've
tried to keep them in character as I saw them in the series. A bit
of language creeping in under stressful conditions. Pairings: eventual 6x2, past 2xH, 2+H,6x9, 1+R
Summary: Directions is set post Endless Waltz
and roughly 2 years have passed. Zechs and Noin are on Mars and Duo,
after spending some time with Hilde in a relationship leaves L2 to
join Preventers. Hilde was not happy about his decision. I guess enough
said. Here t'is, and I hope you like it. This is also AU for the standard
setting, as well as the series and Endless Waltz. Spoilers: Gundam Wing Series and Endless Waltz Many thanks to Dulin for volunteering to beta this. //... // thoughts
"Alternative Directions: Options"
Mars Colony Base Dome Date: 1st March AC 198 Time: 15:03 MST [Mars Standard Time] Noin //Zechs, where are you? I need to talk to you. I need to know.// Lucian began to stir, in her embrace, a tiny bundle of wiggling humanity. Tiny innocent life. So small, so delicate. So young to be caught up in the politics of the times. All this tiny creature asked was to be fed and kept warm and to be loved. Noin gently caressed the pale cheek, admiring the chubby baby lines of the perfect little face. A mini version of his father. Would he grow to be as magnificent? Of course, he would, she thought. In time his chubby baby face would become leaner, acquiring the high cheek bones of the Peacecraft line. His eyes would become a clear, crystal blue. The same crystal blue that could set her heart racing with love, sorrow and the most fascinating thoughts of lust running through her mind. How this son of hers would grow was up for debate, though. He was only fifty seven days old. Less than two months in this world and already a pawn for politics for those who lived on another world. A key. A tool to be used in certain hands. Not even being born to another world was enough to keep him safe. //I want them to be safe. I want them to grow up free of manipulation. Free of vultures out for all they can get. God. I went through enough politics when I was in Oz, then helping Relena against Romefeller. I swear politics is bloodier than a war. The only difference is most of the time you just don't see the blood that is shed openly. Its stabbing in the back, fighting behind close doors, deals done in quiet, out of the way places. The ESUN wants control of my children and I am damned if they will have that. I want them safe. Safe from manipulation.// Heirs to an ancient monarchy. They had blood claim to the throne of Sanc, which thanks to Relena's efforts recently was largely considered the shining example of the peaceful world that was the ideal. She had restored Sanc and given it back to the people and she shone as the public representative of the ESUN. So much did she succeed that she frightened the survivors of the Alliance and Romefeller political circles. Because of her success the children of her brother were considered invaluable as leverage to control her. //Tools. Tools to allow die hard politicians to force others to their ideals. Their versions of peace. Always tools to be controlled and manipulated by those in power. That's what my children will become if they are taken to Earth. Tools. Tools to be nurtured, protected and trained too be obedient little slaves to others will. Reared to obey the directives of those in power.// The ESUN was, she admitted to herself, a crushing disappointment. Once she had been almost as idealistic as Relena had been. She was guilty of seeing the ideal, and not the reality needed to attain or maintain that ideal. Still, everyone was guilty of that, not just her. Maintain. Yes, that was the key word. Achieving peace was one thing, but maintaining the Peace was the real key. Maintaining the peace that they had now. Some saw the need to maintain peace as needing to control it. No two people saw the same thing and as far as she could see there was a vast difference between maintenance and control. This reality was far from what she had always thought of as peace. Peace did not see a family holed up at the edges of civilization, fighting to keep their children away from power hungry individuals out for all they could get. //I want more for my children than to see them become the pawns of those in power. When I look at the assembly in Earth Gov I see that too many of them have hands more bloody than the hands of veteran soldiers. Too many of them have been in power too long and do not see the very real need to change the manner in which we run the Earth Sphere. To keep the power they have attained over the years, they would use my children.// Some politicians, she corrected herself. There were politicians out in the Sphere who genuinely did wish to maintain the peace. Some politicians did have scruples. Some few did have a genuine wish to improve on the peace for all in the Earth Sphere, not just for personal gain. If she had to be honest, and she admitted that she did need to be, it was only fair not to judge all the same, because they all wore the hated name. She had to say, if only to herself, that it was the older politicians of the day who were the ones who had the lust to control. Not all of them, no but a few very well placed in political circles. Romefeller had been run by such a breed and if she thought about it, many of the politicians on the council and in charge of Earth and the colonies were from Romefeller, or influenced by Romefeller. There were many from the Alliance assembly who were the mirror image of the Romefeller, and just as guilty of lining their own pockets and giving advantage to those in their influence. The old school tie syndrome. To be fair she could not place Romefeller as the be all and end all of the troubles that plagued her family now, but they surely featured strongly in this mess. "I want you to be free, Lucian." gently she stroked the downy white curls, kissed the tiny nose. "I want you to be free of control by anyone. I want you to grow up to be your own person, not the person someone decided you should be. I want you to have the chance to be happy and to have your own ideals reflected in everything you say and do. I want you and your sister to follow your own path of destiny." "Even if that freedom is not the SAFE you said you wanted, Lu?" She turned. The door swung shut behind him, sealing them in the single bed ward where she had brought her children to await word on Jenny Santos' condition. He looked magnificent. So tall and so very handsome. Men were not supposed to be beautiful, so she called him handsome, but that word just did not do him justice. Before she could say something to him she noticed the long sweeping strands of silver-white silk did not lay over his shoulders, framing that too beautiful face and softening its sharp lines. A knot of dread clawed at her middle as she took in the tan work clothes, with the utility belt similar to those worn by the maintenance techs. It was not the tool belt that disturbed her, though it looked to be different from the one he usually wore when drafted to work on the mobile suits systems. What caused her to tense was that he had tied his hair back. He meant business if he tied his hair back into that high sweeping pony tail. Strands of pale silk escaped to fall engagingly over his cheeks and ears, but there was a cold gleam in blue eyes that clenched her gut. The only time he ever tied back his hair was if there was trouble that had to be dealt with physically. Not even when piloting the mobile suits did he tie his hair back. In their academy days for all their field assignments he tied his hair back as a matter of course. When he did so and she was on the opposing team, she knew to be wary of him. When he did so and she was on his team she had learned to be sorry for the opposition. On field assignments during their days in Oz she had learned just how he changed when he felt the need to resort to business of a physical nature. She wondered if the significance of the symbol he presented to them would be lost on the ESUN agents now seeking them in the dome.. His words came back to her as she drank in the sight of him. Freedom and safety. There was a definite difference between safe and free. She had said to him that she wanted the children to be safe. Safe from the ESUN security forces. Safe from the manipulation of others. Safe. His pale blue eyes were on her, intent, expectant. There was a tension in him she had rarely seen before, if at all. There was an air of expectancy about him, as though he knew something she did not and he waited for it to overtake them. As though he was waiting for her to decide the fate of the world. "What do you want me to say? I want my children to be safe." she hesitated, staring into the crystal blue depths that seemed an ice cold, very deep pond of water and she sighed. "But I also want them to be free." "Sometimes, no matter how much we want it, we can not have everything that we want." softly. He made no move toward her or the children, just stood in the doorway, waiting. Watching her. His blue eyes so vivid and unblinking. His body tense, a drawn bow ready to be released and send the arrow flying to its fate. Waiting. "You know what will happen, don't you?" accusation could not be kept out of her voice. "No." softly. "Damn it, Zechs. Don't lie to me. You know what will happen. You knew they were coming to Mars. You knew they were coming to get the twins before they even left the Alpha Dome. You knew they were in the base dome and you knew how they were getting in. You knew I would kill those men!" He shuddered. Visibly shuddered at her words and she saw the hurt in the blue eyes, there, then gone. So quickly. Then he was watching her again, waiting. Not impassive, no. He was not divorcing himself from this, he was in fact very much involved in it, but he refused to give her what she wanted. He knew what she wanted to know. She knew he knew. Why would he not tell her? Why would he not give her the explanation she needed? //Not fair, Lucrezia. That is not fair to him, because he did tell you. He tried to tell you. For months he tried to tell you and you... God. I'm blaming him and it was me. I killed those men. I killed them, not him. I hit out without thinking, only feeling, only reacting and because of that two men are dead and Jenny is in the operating theatre. I have to be honest with myself. He did tell me. Why won't he tell me more?// "Zechs. I'm... I'm sorry. I'm just ... I can't think just now. Jenny... Jenny may be dying and... it was my fault it happened. I know that. It wasn't your fault. You warned me. You said it would happen, but I didn't listen. I didn't understand. Not until it was too late." Blue eyes lidded for a moment, hiding the pain and intensity of his soul from her. He made no other acknowledgement that he had heard her apology. He still remained silent and in the depths of that silence Lucrezia felt like screaming. "Why? Why won't you talk to me?" "I do not know what will happen, Lucrezia." again he denied her demand that he tell her. "Damn you, Zechs!" she spat at him. "You do know! You knew I would kill those men. You knew it. You told me. Don't you dare stand there and deny it." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zechs //This may be the last time that I see her like this. The last time that I see the fire in her eyes as a reflection of the fire in her soul. She is beautiful. An apt name for her, Preventer Fire. Why, Lu? You have made no effort to understand the differences that are so obvious to me. You ignored how much I had changed after the Libra. Before the Libra too. You have not listened to me since coming to Mars. You stand there and accuse me of lying to you and I can feel the fear in you. I have not lied, Lu. I have never lied to you.// "Noin, I don't know what will happen. I can not tell you what I do not know. I do not know what will happen today. I do not know what will happen in five minutes from now or in three hours from now. I can't tell you what you want to know." "Why not? You knew I would kill them. You don't deny that, do you? You knew that Jenny would be... Why deny it? Soon. It was coming. He could feel the building pressure of event. It was all up to Lucrezia Noin. She must cast the stone in the pond of destiny and create the next wave of ripples that affected so many. She had begun this years ago and now it was time for her give the direction that only she could give. She must complete what she began, no one else could make her choices. "We all make our own future, Lu. Sometimes our choices affect entire nations. Worlds even. I can't tell you what to do. Some things only you can decide." "You told me I would kill those men!" she screamed at him, her frustration exploding into rage. Lucian wailed, tiny fists flailing in the air, shrill baby wail in protest to the tension in the room. Protesting the loud, angry voice so close to him. Protesting the tension that warped the mother scent he knew her by. Startled Lucrezia rocked him, tears gathering in her eyes. It was all wrong. Nightmare. It had become a nightmare. She had been a soldier and she had killed before. Not just in mobile suits, but hand to hand in very dirty combat where to fail was to die in a dozen horrible ways. Why was this so different? Was it because her children were in the equation now? Her children were defenseless. If she did not defend them, who would? If she did not act others would have control of her family and she simply would not allow it. "No, Lucrezia Noin, I did not tell you that you would kill those men." He moved from the door, blue eyes intense, and gathered his daughter up from the bed as she began to cry, reacting to the shouting and the fearful cries of her brother. He kissed the tiny cheek, whispering softly to her before he again looked at Noin. "I did not tell you that you would kill those men. What I said was that there was the possibility that you would kill those people if you went down A3. There were and are multiple possibilities. Everyone has free will, Lu. Everyone. I can not control their actions by any means available to me, nor can they control my actions or your actions. Just as they can not control our choices, we can not control theirs. It is called Free Will, Lu, and if you do not have it you are a sorry creature indeed. If you had not walked down that hallway at that exact moment in time, they would still be alive. Just as if you had not reacted instinctively, without thought, they would be alive now and you would be restrained, their prisoner and the twins in ESUN custody. And Jenny Santos would not be facing life in a wheel chair." Colour drained from her face as she thought over his words. Did he mean... Pale, she stared at him. "Possibilities?" "Yes. Possibilities. Possible futures. Possible events. Possible actions. I never see exactly what will happen around me. There are too many people who influence events. Too many people are involved in this , Lu. There are too many players for one person to control the situation." "Libra. The war." She would have to bring up the greatest source of his pain. The nightmare he had chosen to live so that peace could come. Free Will. It had been his choice to live with the consequences and he did not fight it. He would live with the results of his actions until the day he was finally graced with death. "The outcome was not determined just by one or two people. It was shaped by the interaction of many people who sought for the same thing, though they misunderstood each other. It took many people to shape the War, and to make something good come out of it. Many people. They only needed the right conditions." a whisper. He met her gaze, voice strengthening "Lu, that was then. This is now. This is the future of our children. What do you want me to do? What would you have me do?" "You just said you can not know what will happen!" she ground out through clenched teeth. "I don't know what will happen, Noin. What I do know is what MIGHT happen if you say you wish me to do one thing. I know what might happen if you say you wish me to do another thing. What will happen will be determined by decisions made by people, not by looking into a crystal ball and picking a future as you would pick a blouse to wear for an evening out. What I do know is that if you do not decide soon then it will not be you who decides the fate of our children at all. Not you and not I." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Noin //Bastard!// she watched him, rocking the baby gently, soothing her daughter with touch, eyes never leaving hers. //You know what will happen. God. I don't... I don't understand this. He can't know the future. No one can, but... I don't understand what is going on. I don't know what I should do!// "I am trying very hard to understand, Zechs. I am trying to understand how you knew about corridor A3. If Jenny dies, I don't..." "All I can tell you, is that to the best of my knowledge, Jenny will live, confined to a wheel chair." Cold chill silence as she hissed in frustration. "There, you see? You know that Jenny will survive, but be in a wheel chair. How do you know that? How do you know these things? How did you know the incident in the hallway would happen?" "Might have happened, or not." a whisper. She hissed, furious with him. He was not telling her what she wanted to know. "HOW DO YOU KNOW!" "Give Lucian to me. Until you calm down." The baby was wailing in her arms and she realized she was holding him too tight, her arms squeezing him to her breast and that he was screaming in discomfort, if not outright pain. Forcing herself to relax she found herself giving in to the clam blue eyes and accepting that Zechs took her child into his own arms, cradling both twins to his chest. The door to the adjoining room was wrenched opened and she glared at the intruder with blood in her eyes, until the nurse, Sharnice Mathan winced and retreated, closing the door behind her. "How do you know, Zechs?" forcing calm. She must be in control. Her arm throbbed, the wound only minor and dressed by the medical staff. It served to remind her of what had happened when she had lost control and acted without conscious thought. Two men dead. Jenny perhaps crippled. Because she had not thought out her action. "How do you know what MIGHT bloody happen?" "I don't know. It was something Epyon did, I think. From the first time that I used it, things became different. I saw the world in a new, different way. I can't make your choices for you, Lucrezia. If I have learned nothing else since this all began, it is that I can not make anyone else's decisions for them. It is for you to decide. You must be aware that while you are making up your mind, others are changing circumstances to suit themselves and the decisions that they have made. That influences the repercussions of the decisions that you make. As near as I can determine, it is you who are the major instigator of change at this time. You have featured strongly in all of the options that I have seen. You should also be aware that I have not seen as clearly or as thoroughly the options to result from decisions possibly to be made, as I did when I used Epyon." "Epyon" she breathed. "That bloody thing. That monster. Zechs, this is not possible. It can't be possible for you to know what will happen... alright, what might happen." "Time is running out." a whisper, intense yet gentle. He rubbed his cheek over Lucians, touching his lips to the child's cheek as he sobbed, though the baby began to calm now that he was in the gentler, more tender hold. "They are hunting us. They are hunting you and me and the twins. Whether it is possible or not, it simply is. Its not something that I enjoy, or even want. I am what I am, Lu. I can't block it. I can't control it. I have no say in it. I just am." For a time she stared at him, while their children's wails quieted to sobs and she considered what he had told her. So unbelievable and he expected her to take this seriously? What if he was right? What if he really did see the possibilities stretched out before him? Taking a step closer to him she lightly touched her palm to his cheek, caressing the smooth skin, marveling that even at twenty one years of age, approaching his twenty second year, he did not need to shave. He was unique, she mused. Very different. "I love you. " a whisper. "I know... I know that you don't love me and that's alright. If I had tried harder, you could have. We have two lovely children and if I have my way I want more. I want a dozen Lucian's and Katerina's running around my legs. I want to win you, Zechs Marquise. I want you to be mine." silken strands of pale hair were twined in her fingers. "I want you, heart, body and soul to belong to me and me alone. I want us to be together. A family. I want us to be safe and at peace and I want us to be free of the ESUN. What choices do I have to make for that to happen? Tell me." The twins were locked in his arms, the bed against his hip, Lucrezia pressed hard to his side. He could not move, either away from her or toward her. Trapped he could only stare into her deep blue violet eyes and read the intensity and truth of her desires in these mirrors of her soul. He dropped his lashes, hiding blue eyes from her, ducking his head to hide behind long pale bangs. "I can't, Lu." a whisper. "Can't or won't?" equally as soft. She had expected it. "I don't know what you want to know." A sigh, heart felt. He did not know. Lying? Was he lying to her? Did he avoid telling her the truth because he did not want what she wanted? Did he lie because he was tired of her presence in his life? She had not won him to her suit. She had tried, but not won him. Not yet, at least. Not yet. In the future, then. She would win him in the future, after this idiocy had been dealt with. She would have her man and her children together, as she had long dreamt. She would have her dream as she had longed for it for so long and if it was not to be, then she could at least pray that her children would be safe from danger and loved. He needed to be loved. The need was there, in him, hurting him, and he would not let it loose. Likely he did not even realize what it was he longed for. She had tried so hard to force him to let it out and kindle for her. She had tried. She would have her dream and the ESUN be damned! "I want to live with you until I am old and gray. I want to love you and show you what it is like to be loved. I want to consume you with the fire of lust and bring you back to earth sated, content. Knowing you belong to me. I want to understand you. I want children running around our feet. I want to be free of the ESUN. I want us to be free of their prisons and their manipulation. I want us to be free, Zechs. I want you and I to be free to come and go as we please and I want you to love me, as I love you. I know that's not up to me. I know that I can't force you to love me the way I live for you too. I know that I can't make you love me, but I know that I want to try. I want you to be free to love, if not me, then someone who loves you just as much as I do. I want our children to live free and grow up to find the kind of love I want with you." she drew a ragged breath. That was not what she wanted to say, but it was true. If not her, then someone out there had to love him with all the fire and passion he could not accept from her. "I want us to be free. I will die, to see that my children are free, if I must. Have no doubt of that Zechs Marquise, Milliardo Peacecraft. I will die to see that our children are free and that you are free of their control. I will be happy to die, if it means that the ones I love are free. If you can't love me, then I would have you free to love another, but above all, I want our children to be free." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zechs How could he tell her that she had just written her own destiny? How could he tell her that the destiny of their children now stretched before him, into that darkness he could not penetrate? He was blind within that darkness. He felt the stir of change, the wave of alteration swirl around him, teasing his senses and telling him nothing to help or hinder at this time. Her determination to see what she wished in life for her children would not be denied. Yes, he had been right. She was the crux. The focus. He had felt this same swirl of forces before, when he had made the choice to take Heero's place. He had felt it then, the aligning of forces he could not begin to comprehend. It was not to be as she wished. The darkness was out there. Waiting to plunge him into an unknown future. Other players, bit players in the cosmic scheme of things now bowed out and others known and as yet unknown to him now stepped forward, into the breach that was left. Darkness blocking vision, hiding faces and events and yet... and yet just barely noticeable in that darkness was a feeling of warmth. He did not understand it. It was too soon for him to make any sense of this change she had wrought. He was too inexperienced to know what he sensed. Just barely he caught a glimpse of movement and shape in the darkness. A lithe human form, perhaps? A new crux point birthed from the decision of this beautiful woman who looked at him with such fire in her eyes? Yet into the darkness he saw his twins step, forming and changing and growing up as they moved only to be lost in the darkness. He had to see that he managed events as best he could to ensure the twins survived and were free of ESUN control. Free to come and go as they pleased and shape their own destinies. As his dear, stubborn Lucrezia wished it to be. She had chosen. Crux point passing. At a quick estimate, a lightning fast review of the options available he was pleased to determine that there were less ways for her to die. Fifteen? Yes, there were now only fifteen options for her death to eventuate and still three results. If he had still had access to Epyon he could have made more sense of the choices, but she had chosen. Instead of wishing for the twins to be safe, she had chosen to wish for their freedom. Not that wishing featured in this process called life. Wishes had no power. The only power in this life was the power of the human, the power of blood, sweat and tears. "I do love you." his hands were occupied with the twins, so he could not reach out to touch her, but he could talk to her. He could tell her what he could to salve her hurt. To try to make her understand his feelings. "I know." she touched her lips lightly to his in a tender kiss, bending to kiss the children before looking up to meet his eyes. "I know you love me, just not the exact way I would have it be. You have said we make our own fate. Our own destiny. Well, so be it. I make mine, now. I love you Zechs Marquise. I always have, from the day I first saw you. I always will. To the hour of my death and beyond, I love you. Take care of our children and keep them free. Keep them beyond the control of the ESUN." "No. Lucrezia, no!" his arms were full of babies. He could not reach out to her with anything other than his words. "They don't need you as a soldier, Lu. They need a mother." She stopped at the door back stiffening against the appeal in his voice and glanced back. "Yes. Lucrezia, yes. My choice, Zechs. My choice to live or die. I choose to leave it up to God, whether he will forgive me the lives I have taken in the past, or any I might take in the future. I failed at Lake Victoria, to protect my students. Its time I paid to the children of tomorrow and the children of today, what I failed to do for the children of the past. I am going to fight the bastards who would destroy us. Get my children out of here." ~ * ~
|
