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"Alternative Directions: Options "Written By: Karina Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the lovely
boys and their girls in the series. Wish I did. Please don't sue me.
I haven't even got a brass razoo to give you. Rating: Deffinately PG in Australia, at the moment,
but probably safer to say R for later chapters. Not sure about international
ratings Warnings: It will be 6x2, even though it does
not start out that way. After all, Zechs and Duo never met in Gundam
Wing and only spoke briefly over a com line in Endless Waltz. I've
tried to keep them in character as I saw them in the series. A bit
of language creeping in under stressful conditions. Pairings: eventual 6x2, past 2xH, 2+H,6x9, 1+R
Summary: Directions is set post Endless Waltz
and roughly 2 years have passed. Zechs and Noin are on Mars and Duo,
after spending some time with Hilde in a relationship leaves L2 to
join Preventers. Hilde was not happy about his decision. I guess enough
said. Here t'is, and I hope you like it. This is also AU for the standard
setting, as well as the series and Endless Waltz. Spoilers: Gundam Wing Series and Endless Waltz Many thanks to Dulin for volunteering to beta this. //... // thoughts
"Alternative Directions: Options"
Mars Base Dome February 2nd AC 198 Time: 11:05 [Martian Standard Time] Noin P.O.V. He loves me, but I know he's not IN love with me. I can't ask for more than what I have, really. For a long time I despaired of having anything. He was always special. Different. I could never understand why, until I learned his secret. Prince of Sanc. There are a lot of secrets about him. Secrets I will never know. Some I suspect, but never want confirmed. I lie beside him at night and I can see and hear what the nightmares do to him. He's so alone. Yes, I hold him and I love him, but he is alone. I can't reach that place deep inside him. I think no one can. No one alive, at least. I don't know what split him and Treize apart. I don't think I want to know. That would come under the secrets I do not want to explore category. I am pretty sure they were lovers. He's never said anything, but I think they were. He still has not said anything about the year he vanished. I did try to get information out of him at first, but I soon learned it was guaranteed to make him clam up worse than an oyster. One look from those blue eyes, so full of hurt and loss and I left the subject alone. I wonder if that was wrong? Maybe I should pursue that subject again. Maybe. He's a lot more settled now since Lucian and Katerina were born. That's another thing I despaired of having. His children. God, dreams can come true. Lucian, after my father and Katerina after his mother. Twins. The first Martians. The first of four now. We are a small community, but we are tight. We all know each other. We all care about each other, but none of us can get really close to Zechs. I have to be blushing. Glad there is no mirror in here. None of us can get close to Zechs, huh? Then why do I have twins? Simple, really. I got the poor man roaring drunk and seduced him. Big time. Well, not roaring drunk. It’s not good to get Zechs drunk. He's quiet enough at the best of times, but get him drunk and he goes into a depression that is deeper than the Grand Canyon on Earth. Huh. Comparing it to Terran geography. Canyons here make that look like a line drawn in the sand with a stick. He was paralytic. At least I did it in the privacy of his quarters here. No one else saw it. I will never do it again. Never. Judging by what happened he was pretty much virgin territory-and that makes me wonder about Treize. Just what their relationship really was. But I suppose it’s different between men. I am so ashamed of what I did to him that day. I didn't dare leave him alone after. I was too afraid of what he might do to himself. When the guy you are madly in love with breathes another mans name at a time like that, you pretty much know where you stand. He doesn't belong to me. He never will, but while he's here I'll take what I can get. He never said a word when he woke up, but when he never ordered me out of his quarters I just, sort of, stayed. He's never turned down any of my advances since then, but I know he'd be just as happy if I left him alone. I can't though. I can't go and take his children off of him. He smiles now. When he holds either of the babies I can see the Zechs I always thought was lurking under that noble soldier. Warm, caring. He loves the twins. That's something another man can't have given him. Not nice Lucrezia. Not nice. Not even called for. His Excellency was only ever a gentleman to you. He doesn't deserve that. Zechs doesn't deserve that. I have to respect what they might have had together, if I want Zechs to stay with me. It's a part of him I can never touch. I smile as I watch him with Lucian. Katerina is sleeping in the crib Mako made for the children before they were born. He's smiling and that is too rare a sight for me to disturb. I have work to do anyway. I can leave them to each other for a while. They are not due to be fed for another hour and Zechs can shout for help if he needs it. He has before. I smile at the thought of how helpless the great Lightning
Count had looked the first day. Helpless, but absolutely gorgeous. It's a prison. A prison we walked into. I believed her when she said she would have us out of here in a few months. I trusted her and she has abandoned him. I'm on stolen time. He does not belong to me. I have him now. I have Lucian and Katerina. It’s enough. At least for now. I am still working on more. No need to give up, Noin. Look what you have now and smile. I wish he was really mine. ----------------------------------------------------- 11:10 Zechs P.O.V. I should love her. I know she is standing in the doorway, watching me, but I can't acknowledge her. Not now. Not yet. Lucian and Kat are wonderful. She gave them to me. I never asked for them though. I never particularly wanted children. Never thought about having them, but they're here now and they do make life different. I can't see Noin in them. Not to look at and they don't have personalities yet. Maybe that's where I will find her. In the parts of a person not so easily seen. I'm sorry, Noin. I should love you, but I can't. This is a whole new life for us to live, but it’s not right. The dreams have started again. You must hear me at night. You've never said anything, but you must know the dreams are getting worse. I don't go a single night anymore without waking up in a cold sweat or screaming my head off. You think it's the past, don't you? You think I am remembering the past. The war. All the blood. No. No, It’s not the past that haunts me. It's the future. Epyon. What have you done to me? I don't understand. I don't understand why the dreams have come back. I thought after the war that it was all done. The dreams stopped. I never dreamed again, not even of Mariemaia. Now they are back and I have to find a way through them. I should love Noin, but I don't. Not the way she would like me to. She's a friend. I know what she wants, but I can't be that for her. God. What does she see in me? I have to be such a disappointment to her. I don't even know who I am. Hell, I don't know what I am. Epyon changed me. No one can understand what that monster did to me. It was lover, enemy, friend. It was everything. They don't know what it was. None of them understand what it was; what it could do to you. Yuy flew it. He had a taste of it. I wonder what it did for him? Was he really strong enough to defeat it? In defeating it did he explore it fully, or not? Did he just ignore what he wanted to ignore? Did he look at what it showed him? If it showed him anything at all. If he did, why did he give it to me? Did Epyon tell him to pass it to me? Treize used it. Ah, God. Treize. I can still feel you. You're dead, aren't you? You have to be. Surely you would have gone to claim your daughter if you were still alive? Epyon showed you, you had no future. Did you look deeper? Like I did? Was anyone fool enough to look deeper except me? They still don't understand why I did it. They call me insane. Criminally insane to have threatened to destroy the earth. None of them understand why I had to do that. None of them seem to have looked into my reasons. None of them even asked me why. They just assume they know. Depression and despair over having lost Sanc twice. Yes, I suppose I was depressed. Hell I was so depressed I really didn't realize that I had agreed to Quinze's proposal. I hadn't realized that I had given in and accepted what Epyon had shown me. What have you done to me, Epyon? Now, when I think things are settling down and I can have something resembling a normal life, the dreams start again. You start again and you are destroyed. So much garbage floating in space and the scrap yard by now. How? How can you start up again when you're scrap? I have had no dreams for nearly two years that I can remember. No dreams to disturb this new life. Until the twins were born. Yes. Now I think on it, it was the night the twins were born that I had the first really intense dream. I had had dreams a few times before that, but I only remember uneasiness. Nothing at all except that feeling of warning. I can't remember what I dreamt, that night you were born, my son. No vivid memory. I have to wait to see the final outcome. But it was disturbing know that. I can only remember snatches now. Each one seems more intense. Warnings. I am dreaming warnings, just like I did before the Barton’s started their uprising. I thought it was the rumors I was hearing that started the uneasiness. Maybe not. God. I don't know enough. Why? I don't understand, but I am going to have to fight again, am I not, Epyon? Will I always have to fight? Hungry, Lucian? Hey now, son of mine. I hope you never have to know what your father did, but I know someone likely will take great delight in telling you what a bastard I am. Someday. Some when in the future. I'm not, really. I'm not. Please believe that Little One. I had my reasons. There was no choice that I could make, other than to go through with it. For your grandfather and what he wanted for the world. Peace. There is always a price to be extracted for what we want, Lucian. Sometimes the asking exacts a terrible price. Someone has to pay it. I only hope you can be protected from it. Was I wrong, in what I chose? Ah, God. I don't know. I changed things. I was too much a coward to choose as Epyon showed me was best. I couldn't allow that to happen. It was all for peace. The one thing I chose for myself, turned out wrong. Not what I had thought it to be. There was no ending for me. The wars are still out there, Lucian. Still waiting for key events to spark them. The dreams are worse . It is not done, even now. It is only started. I am sorry, my son. You are now dragged into this. You and your sweet sister. I am so sorry. t.b.c
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