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"Alternative Directions: Options "Written By: Karina Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the lovely
boys and their girls in the series. Wish I did. Please don't sue me.
I haven't even got a brass razoo to give you. Rating: Deffinately PG in Australia, at the moment,
but probably safer to say R for later chapters. Not sure about international
ratings Warnings: It will be 6x2, even though it does
not start out that way. After all, Zechs and Duo never met in Gundam
Wing and only spoke briefly over a com line in Endless Waltz. I've
tried to keep them in character as I saw them in the series. A bit
of language creeping in under stressful conditions. Pairings: eventual 6x2, past 2xH, 2+H,6x9, 1+R
Summary: Directions is set post Endless Waltz
and roughly 2 years have passed. Zechs and Noin are on Mars and Duo,
after spending some time with Hilde in a relationship leaves L2 to
join Preventers. Hilde was not happy about his decision. I guess enough
said. Here t'is, and I hope you like it. This is also AU for the standard
setting, as well as the series and Endless Waltz. Spoilers: Gundam Wing Series and Endless Waltz Many thanks to Dulin for volunteering to beta this. //... // thoughts
"Alternative Directions: Options"
Chapter 20
Mars Base Dome Date: 1st March AC 198 Time: 06:59 M.S.T. [Martian Standard Time] Noin * "If you could know all possible futures, what would you do, Noin?" * //If I could know all possible futures. What would I do? I'd have you in bed screaming for me never to stop... Damn, Zechs, what is wrong with you? What is wrong with me? I have more important things to consider than word games. That shuttle is due to land in a few hours and we have no idea just what is waiting for us on it. You seem so sure it is disaster.// In her arms Katerina stirred, tiny hands massaging her breast as she fed. Across from her Lucian was secure in the arms of his father, sucking contentedly on the bottle, the pair settled comfortably in one of the larger chairs that seemed such a sinful luxury in their spartan quarters . The twins fed alternately at the breast of their mother, a routine that they had decided on before the actual births. Their mornings now had a comfortable routine that Noin never wanted to change. For so many years she had loved Zechs Marquise and on those rare days that she was honest with herself, she admitted she had despaired of ever having this domestic tranquility. She had cheated to get it. All that she had in front of her now, the man himself and the children that made up her entire life, she had not earned. She had cheated. Had not won him to her suit. She had to be honest with herself, now if at no other time. She had cheated to get him. She had never even had the grace or sheer manners to asked him if he wanted her to stay with him. She had never asked him if he wanted her in any physical way, shape or form, nor had she dared to ask him if he wanted her out of his life forever, after what she had done. Since their childhood days in the Lake Victoria Specials Academy she had wanted him. From the time she had laid eyes on the pale haired preteen she had dreamed of him. Imagined him taking her in his arms and crushing her to his strong body and plundering her mouth in heated, fiery kisses. //Be honest, Noin, you didn't just want him, you lusted after him.// It had taken some time for him to accept her overtures of friendship. Friendship was as far as he was willing to go, always hesitating, always holding back, always ignoring her pushing for something more. So unsuccessful had she been to win more than friendship out of him that she had wondered if she had been too subtle about courting him, but a comment from a friend had buried that notion. * "My God, Noin. It's a wonder the poor boy doesn't run whenever he sees you. Could you be any more obvious if you tried? There's a knack to stalking... or courting. Which is it your trying to do?" * After that comment and the subsequent discussion with her friend Jennifer she had toned down her pursuit and she had been somewhat stunned by the way he had seemed to relax and accept her company. He had become comfortable with her. Perhaps their relationship as friends had become too comfortable. Perhaps she had eased off too much, but then, the events of the time had accelerated, and their training with it. It had left little time for anyone to consider courtship, social occasions or anything other than the desperate need to fall into bed at night and get some much needed sleep. Reflecting on the past she admitted to herself that he had never dated. Too wrapped up in his own agenda. Too focused. Yes, now that she thought about it, not in all the time at the academy that she had known him, had she known him to ask any other girl out on a date. He had attended all social requirements without a formal date, often asking her openly to accompany him if she was free, as he had no wish to be saddled with an assigned companion just to balance seating arrangements. He had made it clear each and every time that this was not a romantic interlude in their training, but merely a necessary action to avoid the simpering young girls of noble families invited to many of the Specials social functions. Each and every cadet, male or female, was expected to have exemplary manners as befitted a noble or well bred male or female. Social niceties had been drilled into them, day and night, along with more mundane skills for a soldier. //He never asked another girl, other than me. That made my infatuation with him worse. Still, at least he never asked a boy. // The rumors had been there, she admitted. He couldn't have been gay, though. She had the proof of that in her arms, massaging her breast with tiny, warm fingers. Not gay, no, but maybe bisexual? Rumors. Damn rumors. People spent too much time inventing interesting bits of drivel and then spent too much time listening to that very drivel and speculating. He'd been friends with her for a very long time. She had given him an ultimatum during that battle in Brussels. He had said, in response, only the one word. * "Understood." * Understood. She had quickly enough learned that his attitude toward her had remained unchanged. Friends was how he had treated her after the fight. Just good friends. No hint of a lovers touch. No soft words. Hell, he had practically ordered her to remain on Earth and not consider coming to Mars with him. She was never very good about taking the hint. He'd become more after that night. God. That night. No, she was not proud of herself. From that night when she had found him so low in depression and she had plied him with drink, she had not dared to examine her actions with honesty. She had not dared to look at her actions and own up to just how low she had been. She had been half drunk herself on despair that he still put up barriers between them. Finding him in that condition, her own judgment impaired, she had taken action she normally would never have considered. No. She had not been that drunk. She could not blame it on the drink. No, she had seen him vulnerable and like a killer who had stalked its prey for so long she had leapt at the opportunity presented and moved in for the kill. Her mistake. She knew he kept himself distanced from women, not just her in general, but all women were kept at a certain distance. Even Relena, she admitted, though that was likely the result of their confrontations in the past. There had been rumors about him. Rumors about him and His Excellency. If she asked... if she dared to ask him about his sexuality before she had seduced him, what would he have said? What would he do now, if she asked? If she dared... He had feelings for her, but not as she wished. She knew that. He did not love her as she burned for him. Her desperation to win him had ended her patient assault on him. All of her carefully laid out plans, made when she had learned he was to come to Mars, had gone to naught, the night she had found him huddled in a corner, silent, staring inward. He had been unaware of her to begin with, of that she was certain. In truth it was as though he had not been in the room at all. Depressed, she recalled thinking at the time. Depressed that he was on Mars, when his heart was not here. Depressed that he had survived the Libra to exist on this dustbowl of a planet. Depressed that after all he had done as the leader of White Fang, there had been war once again. The Barton Incursion had pulled him out of hiding. He had been forced to fight once again for the peace he had so desperately craved. A peace, she knew, he had never found for himself. Where had he been during that year after the Libra exploded? Hurt, the scars said, but not for the whole year. He had been in top physical condition when he had appeared to pilot the Tallgeese III. Who had treated him? Where had he been? Was it a place he could return to? Would he have gone back there if he had had the chance, after the battle in Brussels? Would he have vanished again, perhaps into the vastness of space, beyond her reach, had she given him the chance? He was a prisoner on Mars. It was not a new start for him. Not a fresh start free of the blood of his past. It might have been, accept for the ESUN Security Office. There was no escaping the simple truth of what Relena's offer of a fresh start had become. He was, without doubt, a hostage. A prisoner. "Zechs." Ice blue eyes, warm with content looked up at her and she started. He had never looked like that before. His silver-white hair hung freely about him, bangs half hiding his face, flowing over broad shoulders. The light golden skin accented the colour of his eyes and a faint smile curved his lips. In his arms Lucian stirred, tiny fingers gripping a lock of hair as he worked on emptying the bottle of formula. He wore only sweat pants, the lights of the room glinting off his skin, drawing her eye to that broad expanse of naked chest. Her fingers twitched at the memory of the feel of that warm skin under her touch. "Mm?" "Would you have come here if you had had other options? Would you have come to Mars?" "There are no options for the leader of White Fang, Lu. It was a choice I made, before I even set foot on Libra. I knew what would happen if I went through with accepting the leadership of the White Fang. Only I thought I would die and escape from my conscience and the accusations." "Where were you? Where did you disappear to after the Libra was destroyed?" It was late to ask him about the past. Late for her to get up the guts to ask the questions. Yet it had never seemed the right time before. Something had always held her back, made her hesitate and the moment would be lost. Now did not seem the right time to ask either, but when would be? When would be the right time? From what he had said in the past, he had been expecting her to question him for a long time. He had given her subtle openings and she had chosen to cowardly ignore the chances that circumstance had not ruined for her. "I was found more dead than alive, and put back together by a passing trader." He did not want to remember that, she could see. There was a subtle tension in the broad shoulders as blue eyes looked down again to the light of his life now. Delicate baby soft skin under his calloused hands. "Trader?" a soft prompt when no further information seemed to be forthcoming. Sometimes talking to him was less productive that extracting blood from a stone. The empty bottle was set aside, the baby settled against one broad shoulder and those competent long fingers began gently to rub the delicate back. Lucrezia watched with a gentle smile as he touched a light kiss to the tiny blonde head on his shoulder. Zechs Marquise, the Lightning Count. Milliardo Peacecraft, the notorious commander of the White Fang; the Terror of Earth. That man was not the quiet, blonde god so gently burping the baby before her. "Please." a whisper. "I would prefer not to talk about that time. I remember pain more than anything else. It does not belong here, with this time." // Please Lu, don't start the questions. Not now. If you do, I may not be able to protect you.// A quiet sigh. Just last night he had asked her why she had never asked... but no, that was not what he had said. That was not what he had meant. She had not been paying attention to him. * "You've never asked me why I did it." * No. Certainly not the same thing. It. The entire fiasco as Leader of the White Fang. The Libra. Yet she did know why he did it. Not why he chose to do it that way, but why he did it, yes, that she knew. How could she not know when his entire agenda from the first day she had met him focused on that one goal? He did it for peace. He did it so the world and the colonies would work for peace. "Our children will know a better world. A world of peace. A world in which there are no more wars. No more massacres. No more blood shed in the streets. " at her breast Katerina stirred, fussing, finished with her feed. She smiled, caressing white hair before dropping a kiss on the babies forehead. " They will have freedom and a chance we never had. They will have Peace". The last a sigh. For an instant she glimpsed pain and hopelessness in blue eyes. She tensed, frowning, astonished that he seemed so disappointed? "Zechs? What is it?" "Nothing." softly. "Its nothing." Lucian burped, a tiny breath accompanied by a comic face and his father was quick to catch the reflux with a waiting cloth. He had acquired a wide variety of skills he had never thought of before. In his life there had never been any time to give thought to having a family. He had never once given a thought to himself having children and what must be done for the children's welfare. His life had been a quest for revenge, a thirst to win for his people the rights to their homeland once again. He had not thought beyond that goal being achieved. His memories of children were restricted to vague memories of Relena. An infant in his mothers arms. A tiny bundle in his fathers big hands. The nurse and their nanny. He'd never been allowed in the room when Relena had been fed as an infant. Never been present when she had needed bathing or changing. That had all been done away from him. He had been a prince then, and such was not for him to see, let alone participate in. He had known her more when she was older, nearing two and was more able to play with him. While she was younger he had been permitted to hold her under adult supervision, but never for as long as he had really wanted. Young babies had been a mystery to him. They still were, though not so much a mystery now. He had made a point of learning it all. From bathing a baby, to how to mix the formula. He could change a dirty bottom, fold a breech clout for the infants, burp them and dress them. He had tried so hard to learn everything that was needed to know. He had even done extensive research on the base computers, accessing archives on child care, child illnesses and education. To do research on how to care for babies he had been given permission to access the main colony computer. Always under supervision, of course. They, the ESUN Security Agents had given explicit instructions on what systems he was never to be permitted to access. They would not trust him with their precious computers unattended, but that was alright. He would never have been stupid enough to try accessing the main frame. "Zechs. We need to talk. We can't keep putting it off." Lucrezia set Katerina to her shoulder, tucking her breast back into her shirt. "What do you want to talk about?" Us. Mars. Earth. ESUN. Everything. She sighed. Where to begin? Just where to begin? She had waited so long to have this talk with him. Plenty of opportunity before, but she had not taken the chance. She knew it was her fault, he had on a number of occasions tried to talk to her about the past and more often their future. Time and again the chance to talk had come up, but she had avoided taking that opportunity. Well, no longer. It was time and she would ask the questions she should have asked before. "Zechs... I want... I think... I apologize." God in Heaven, that had not wanted to come out. It was certainly not what she had wanted to say. Long silver white bangs hid his eyes and much of his face. Beneath their protection he closed his eyes, rubbing his cheek against the infants silken hair. A shudder wracked him, delicate, a faint ripple along his nerves and he silently begged for this to end. For him to be wrong. It was all so familiar though. Too familiar. //Please, don't. Not now. If you do it will all happen. I may not be able to control any of it. I may watch you die. I may watch the children die.// "Apologize? For what? There is nothing to apologize for." Low, but firm and quiet in tone, desperate to change the sequence. To break the cycle. "I have a lot to apologize for. No, now that I've started, let me finish. I ... I never asked you... about ...about... your.." //Damn. Damn. How to say this? How to say... say...I can't even say it to myself. // "Zechs, that night that we... that I... I had no right to get you drunk, let alone seduce you. I had no right to even be in your room." //Please, no, Lu. Please don't do this.// "Ever since we met at Lake Victoria Academy I have carried a torch for you. It was never just a girlish infatuation. Never just that. I knew I loved you from the first moment I saw you and I couldn't look at another man after seeing you for that first time. Some times it happens like that. Love at first sight can happen. I was infatuated with you. In love with you. Not a crush. Not that sort of infatuation. Christ. This is not easy. I... I... I heard the rumors. I could not help but hear the rumors, but I would not allow myself to believe them. When I learned who you were... who you really were, I knew that the rumors were just rumors. That I might have had a chance. You'd need... need heirs. I could see that He knew who you were and he supported you. Like I decided to after I learned you were Milliardo Peacecraft. People misunderstood. You were not gay. Just careful. I could understand why." //Nooo. That came out all wrong. He'll never understand what I mean.// "Please, Noin. Don't." "I have to. I have to tell you this. If we are to go beyond this point... progress in our relationship, then I have to say this. I have been in love with you since Lake Victoria. I decided to support you when I realized who you were, not because of who you were, but because I loved you. I know you did not ask me to. I know you did not want me to. I know it took you a long time to come to terms with my... obsession. I admit it. I have been obsessed with you. Obsessed with the idea that you could love me the way that I love you. When I found you here that night, I... well, I could not keep my hands to myself. You needed someone that night and I could not wait any longer. I had to show you that I loved you. I had no right to do what I did. I know that. I admit that. I practically raped you." // This is not coming out right. He won't understand what I am trying to say. God. I don't even know what I am trying to say. // "Zechs, I got you drunk. I deliberately plied you with drink and then I seduced you. I didn't even have the decency to apologize afterwards. I didn't even have the grace to back off and let you recover. Hell, I just moved in. I didn't even ask if it was alright to move in, I just... did it. I... I never asked if ... if ... if you had anyone else. If there was another you were... were in love with. Maybe mourning for?" Silence. How loud Silence can be. In the silence Katerina burped, the communications unit in the background chimed the alert to an incoming message and Lucrezia stared at her lap and then continued speaking, relentless. She had to speak. Had to get this in the open between them. "There were rumors about you and ... and His Excellency. I refused to believe them. I refused to give them any credence at all. I thought... I thought that as the Prince of Sanc you ...well, that you would need heirs."// I can't do this. Is he even listening? He hasn't even moved. // "I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I ...No. I'm sorry that I overstepped the line. I had no right to just assume anything. Your sexual preferences were for you yourself to know and entertain. I violated your privacy time and again. I just... I just wanted to live my dream. You never threw me out. You never told me to go, Zechs. I didn't know what to think or do. So I stayed. I'm sorry." "So have you had your fill of me now?" just above a whisper. His tone was neutral, giving no indication as to his thoughts. He just sat there, the infant curled protectively to him, hiding behind those damn glorious silver white locks. Face hidden. Very still. Lucrezia shuddered. This was not turning out as she had expected, not that she had gone into the conversation knowing what to say or expect. She had stumbled and bumbled her way and mixed up what had been meant to be an apology for her actions, not accusations on his sexuality or life style. If the time had been right for her to front him, her words certainly were not. Had she expected him to assure her that it was alright? That he did not mind her past actions, both when they were cadets in the academy together, and now here, on Mars? God, he had told her not to go with him to Mars when Relena made the offer. Practically pleaded with her to remain on Earth. He had his reasons for every action he had ever taken. Maybe not the reasons she had assumed. How could she know if he would not tell her about his thoughts? How could she know if he bottled up his emotions and refused to explain himself? Maybe... maybe... Too many maybes. Did he think she would hate him? Never. Never could she feel anything other than love for him. Well, to be honest there was quite a bit of lust in there too. If she could not tell him in plain English what she was trying to say, then how was he to understand it? How could he answer her and say what she so desperately wanted to hear him say? "I'm sorry. That did not come out the way I had intended." she sighed. "It makes no difference how you had intended to say it. What do you want to know Lucrezia Noin? Do you want to know if I was in love with Treize Kushrenada? Or if he was in love with me? Do you want to know if I mourn his death? Do you want to know if I love you at all?" he touched his lips ever so lightly to the infants cheek. "Do I have a right to love anyone, Lucrezia? I am supposed to be dead. I should be dead, but I survived the Libra. I did not die when Sanc fell when I was a child. More recently Epyon would not allow me the release that death would have been. Did I love His Excellency? Yes. Most of his soldiers did. I was no exception. Did I ever go to bed with the man? You should know him enough to know the answer to that, and you should know me well enough to know that that kind of thing is not allowed in the ranks and that I agree with the reasons behind it. It only leads to trouble. Did I want to go to bed with him, and would I have if he had ever asked? Love is not all about sex, you know. That is only a small part of it. Even I, who had to remain apart from it, who had to stay apart from loving anyone, knew that." a tired sigh. "I respected that man more than you can ever know and yes, Lucrezia Noin, I do mourn him. Do I love you? Yes, I do. You are my friend." he faltered, touching a kiss to the baby's cheek. "If it makes you feel any better, I was a virgin the night you seduced me. Okay? Is that what you wanted to know? If I had ever bedded or been bedded by anyone? I don't know the first thing about personal relationships or sex, Noin. That was not necessary to my education. Treize was the only one to understand where my focus was. He understood that I had people to protect and I could not afford relationships interfering with the plans so carefully devised. I was a danger to everyone near me. I was to remain apart, for the safety of others, not so that my identity would remain secret. He knew what my life had been like after Sanc fell. He knew more than you can ever know about those days. You are not him, Noin. You never can be him. Sex had nothing to do with our relationship. Are we done now?" Silence. Again. What could she say to that quiet, matter of fact tone? What could she say to ease the very obvious hurt he was feeling? Damn her tongue. It got her into more trouble that it ever got her out of. In the silence he stood, ignoring her aborted attempt to reach out to him. He moved to the communications consul and clicked to read the message. Sighed. As he had known. Just as he had known it would be. He was so tired. So very tired of what was happening to them all. The truly horrible thing was that it was only just beginning. How to wend ones way through the maze and have the most good come of it? How to not only survive the trials to come, but have the end results be something to look at with pride? //I don't want to do this. After waking and finding myself alive I just wanted to be left alone. I just wanted to protect those who have, for whatever reason, loved me. Any chance of that is gone. Now I am not alone. My children are now in the weave. I have to do the best that I can for them. And for their mother, though she will not understand and may not allow me to save her. You can be such a stubborn bitch, Noin. Stubborn or not, I do love you. In my own way.// "Lady Une sends her greetings. ESUN Security Agents are on the shuttle to take custody of the twins and to take them to Earth. She is doing what she can, but she can not stop them." he heard her sharp intake of breath behind him. "Relena! That bitch! " A flash of quick silver temper, quickly squashed. She would not listen to reason. She had an idea in her head and she just would not let it go, despite all the effort he had put into trying to convince her of his sisters innocence. "My sister has nothing to do with this. Wake up, Noin. Relena has not been in control since the ESUN realized that I was alive. In truth, she has never been in control. She would realize this now, though I doubt she understood it before. They will use her as best they can to achieve their desired goals. To that end I am hostage for her good behavior. I would have thought that you would have figured that out by now. She is an eighteen year old girl who has acquired a remarkable amount of influence in certain circles and they have control of her through me. Even were Relena not involved in this, I survived the war. They will not forgive that." Noin hesitated. " You... you did not start the war. It was not your fault. Why should you be held solely accountable for what happened? Most of the politicians in power now are the same politicians who had power back then." "Exactly the point, Noin. One must have a scapegoat, or someone may remember that there were other people involved. People who still tread the halls of power unchecked. I knew it would happen. It stood to reason when Relena would not be guided by them when the war ended. She was too headstrong to be subtle about her powers. They were beginning to realize that the lamb had teeth. That she had friends who could aid her. Relena was getting dangerous. She needed to be brought under control as speedily as possible. They would find a means to contain her, or they would eliminate her at the first opportunity to present itself. Then Barton appeared on the scene and I returned. They had their means to control Relena. Enough of them realized that if they held the threat of me over her head, that she would bend when they wished it. Sanc has had enough to deal with. For Sanc we both would cooperate." "How did they know it was you? How did they know it was you piloting that mobile suit, Zechs? Did one or more of them exist in Dekim Barton's pockets?" "Very likely one or more knew what Barton was up to. He must have had influential backing to have gotten as far as he did. Someone knew I was there. Still, I have been told I have rather a unique fighting style. Anyone familiar with my past history could have picked up on that." Noin lightly stroked her daughters hair, eyeing the broad back before her. He was very erect, tense, but oddly relaxed. There was no temper in evidence, as though he had known it all would come to this and was far from surprised. He gave every indication of having expected exactly this action would be taken against him. Against them. If the ESUN expected to lay a hand on her children they were severely mistaken. As for Relena, well, she would consider her one time protégé at some other time. "I don't care why they are doing this. They are not going to take my children anywhere. This is not Earth, Zechs. This is Mars and these are the first natural born Martians. This planet is their home and here they will stay." He sighed. "This is a colony in the forming, Noin. It is not independent of the Earth Sphere government, but dependant on their financial backing. The Mars Colony can not contest Earth for independence. Not yet. Not for another twenty or so years. You and I are insignificant to the people who have worked to make this colony what it is to date. They are scientists and engineers. You can not expect them to go against ESUN Security Forces. It is not their place to. It has nothing to do with them. The ESUN rules here." "Beside the point. They have no rights to my children. They will not be dragged into this to protect a politicians ass from any enquiries concerning the wars." "They already have been dragged into this." quietly. "We can't change the fact that they exist, Noin. We can't change the fact that they are known to the ESUN. They are pawns in the game of politics. They always will be, because of their bloodlines." "It changes nothing. The ESUN will not have my children, Zechs. I will not argue fine points of law with you. What I want to know is what are we to do about it?" "Events are already under way." Zechs touched a sequence of keys on the main com board and nodded slightly. "Noin. It would be better if you stayed out of this. They don't want you. They will leave you alone if you don't take action against them." //Why won't he face me? Why won't he turn around and face me?// "You have no chance in hell of keeping me out of this, Zechs Marquise. No one comes to lay a hand on my children and gets away with it." "Even if it means your death?" quietly stated, no trace of emotion other than simple curiosity. "Shit happens, Marquise. No one stands between me and mine. No one." //I mean no one, Zechs. The twins are mine and I will defend them. If they come for you, then they will learn that you belong to me and that I won't allow them to threaten what is mine. They are the enemy if they come to take what I claim. If they come and dare to try to take my children, then they will be dead.//
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