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"Shadow Man"Written By: Kaeru Shisho Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing
or its characters, nor do I make any monetary profit off this story. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Yaoi, AU, angst, sap, romance, drama Pairings: 1x3, 2x4, 5xC Summary: Hardly more than a shadow himself, Trowa glimpses the shade cast across the concrete of another young man, who is about to make a fatal mistake. A/N: This story takes place in a universe more
like ours today, where the colonies exist, but not in space, and where
the world is on the cusp of change " Shadow Man" Chapter 10 Somehow, late that night, the three of us, Quatre, Duo and I, showed up at the hospital parking lot on time and let ourselves in by the window, as I'd done before. Duo climbed in first, mentioning in passing, "Why use doors? Why even build them? They should just make windows bigger." Winner was next, turning at the last moment to look at me with those earnest, soulful, blue eyes of his. "You wouldn't risk his well-being by giving him alcohol, would you?" "No," I said to put an end to it. It didn't put an end to it. I shoved him in so I could get through the window, which I surmised wouldn't have been a good place to be discovered by a passing patrol car. Safely in the room, I waited until Duo closed the door to remove the bottles from my backpack. "No labels?" Winner pointed out. "Nope." I popped off a cap and let him smell the foam that spilled out. Duo grabbed the bottle first. "What is this?" "We make it at the circus. Our own stuff. Sassafras." "That's root beer!" Winner proclaimed, translating for Duo, I assumed. "Root beer?" Duo croaked. Oh, he looked downright let down by the lack of alcohol content. Heero laughed aloud. "Yeah." I cracked open another and gave it to Heero. "Powerful stuff." "I'll bet." He took a swig and declared it, "great." Duo sniffed at it again and then tasted it. "Awesome, for a soda." "You sound disappointed," I said. "Not, so much." "Heero shouldn't have alcohol with the mood drugs he's doped up on," I said, cutting Heero's objection off with a grin. "Quatre and I shouldn't drive after drinking, and you," I said, using my bottle as a pointer and aimed at Duo right between the eyes, "I was betting that nobody would make a louder drunk than you." "Hey!" "And it wouldn't be fair," his boyfriend added as he opened his own drink, "for you to get a beer and no one else." "Wouldn't have happened," Duo huffed. Winner drank and smiled approvingly. Not that I'd tried or anything, but by abiding by his wishes, I think I'd made inroads into his good graces. "I brought cupcakes!" The blonde carefully handed them around. "I would have brought candles, but I was afraid we'd set off the smoke alarms." I helped Heero with his cupcake, relieving the cake part of its pink paper wrapping. "The school's colors were red and white and I couldn't find red cupcake liners so I chose pink instead." If Winner had been a little unsure of his choice, Duo eliminated that problem with a sloppy kiss. "Pink's a bit gay, even for me, love, but since it's just us guys, it's okay." I looked away, but this time I didn't feel any pang of jealousy. I felt a sticky hand press into mine and knew it was Heero's by touch. "I'll get a washcloth," I told him. It wasn't as if I hadn't a romantic bone in my body, they were my support structure. I was a private person, and demonstrative affection was harder for me than I thought it would be. I returned to the bedside with the damp cloth, while Duo was talking about what he'd been doing lately at the orphanage. Civics lesson. Old-time Sanc tradition was for every child, with or without family, to have bestowed upon them benefits. These benefits included food, lodging, and education-all with costs attached both obligatory and monetary. All citizens of the city-state of Sanc provided at least two years of service. There were lots of ways to meet that commitment. No matter who you were, your station in life, or where you lived, all kids growing up accumulated societal dues. Coming of age meant repaying those costs, and when that was done the young adult was free to go his, or her, own way. For the most part, these emerging teens would have no way to repay the charges incurred for their upbringing, not without skills to get a good-paying job. The Sanc government had developed a system to resolve the issue long ago. Each subsequent government abided by the system, unable to find a better replacement, or caring to. As a result, what took place in the current term was very much like it had been for hundreds of years. At some point in the child's life, they were placed in a program. Some had no options, others were tested for aptness, and others had varying ranges of choices to pick from. They could become a journeyman learning his trade and getting room and board for a price. A 13 year old would sign on to learn a trade, like a woodcraftsman, and get the training of a lifetime in trade for his exclusive labor for five to ten years. At the circus, we paid for our food and caravans out of our paychecks, but we owned them eventually. Some kids would complete their city-state duty through volunteer work. Duo must have worked his ass off, by my reckoning, and he'd mentioned that his stay there was running out. "So, I've been doing odd jobs, mostly," Duo was saying. "I'm mechanically oriented and worked on the boiler in winter and the mower, car, van, anything with a motor, really." "What do you like to do?" I asked him. If he knew he didn't tell me. He shrugged. "I'm supposed to be looking for a job and a place to live." "And if you don't find something?" "Then they own my soul," he said, laughing. "That's closer to the truth than I like," Winner said. "What I mean is," Duo went on, "I would stay in the seminary dorms and get more education in that direction." "He'd become a priest." Winner told us. "You have alternatives." "Yeah, I know." Duo looked at the blond with the sweetest expression, it even made me sigh. "Priesthood or the army." Quatre smiled. "You have another." "I should explain a bit," Duo said. "Quat here has the Maguanac Corps living on his property." I'd heard of them. Mercenaries from the Middle East. ""You said before your dad hired an army for protection. Them?" "Father...yes. Duo, you make it sound so oppressive when you embellish the truth. Really, they report to my father and he's given them refuge, land, housing, on our property in return for their services." "Rashid is devoted to you," Duo said, " from what I can tell, and since he's the leader, that makes them your personal army, I'm just saying. You could take on Khushrenada-" "I'm no freer to do what I want than the rest of you," Winner said quickly and looking glum. "I have my duty to my family business. I'm sure you understand what that means, Trowa." "Yeah." "So what's your setup here at the circus?" Duo asked. "Can you ever leave? Do folks ever run away from the circus, heh, heh?" "More than you'd think," I said. "There's different contracts, but with the war, lots of the guys have signed up to fight in the Sanc army and left." "And you?" "I have a few years I owe." Heero made a noise. "More now." "You have to pay for all this?" Winner asked, doing the math quickly. Smart guy. I simply nodded. "Worth it." "And what about Heero? Is he indebted, too?" Ah, that Winner was no dumb blond. "It's okay," Heero said. "I did this to myself. I work out my own debts." That shut up Winner, although I could feel the gears churning in his head, scheming away at some plan. He wouldn't argue honor with his best friend. Duty and honor were the basis of our traditions. I owed the circus. Quatre had his duty to his family. Duo had a lingering duty to doing church work. Heero would have been indentured to Lowe, most likely, before coming here. I hadn't even considered Dr. J's meddling in Heero's past to be of any concern. Winner and Duo didn't stay around much longer. "Hey, food's gone," Duo announced. "We gotta go." After seeing them to the window, I was absolved of my host duties. I wanted another kiss before I took my leave, and knew this was my chance. He expected it. His arm wrapped around me when I came close and drew me in. This time, my lips lingered on his and pressed harder than before. He surprised me by sucking in my lower lip. Heat flooded my body. I didn't remember how my hand slipped to his chest. So smooth and hard. Deep breath! I felt so close to him. When he looked into my eyes I had to tell him something personal, and because I hadn't thought over what I might say ahead of time, come up with a seductive line or anything remotely hot... I said the first stupid thing that came to mind. "I've never seen such deep blue eyes before... not like yours." "Yours are green." He hadn't done any better than me. We both held our breaths. "We really suck at this," he muttered. But he smiled too. And we both laughed, dampening our noise in a pillow. I was so in love. I felt happy. I wanted him. But if I didn't leave, I'd be wasted for the next day. Dutifully, I parted from him for the night, with his taste on my lips. (o) When I next saw Heero, he was asleep, exhausted from the trauma of the x-ray process. I hadn't intended to miss out on that or to have been away for so long or to have let pass a morning visit, but I had had to stand in for one of the clowns who had strained his back. "Mr. Barton? Can you come outside for just a minute? There's something we'd like to discuss with you." Nothing good can come from an opening remark like that, especially, I felt, from a solemn-faced doctor. My eyes instantly located the nearest exit. Rather than make myself scarce, though, I nodded "okay" to the man and dragged my feet away from Heero's bedside. "We're delivering good news, so relax," the nurse practitioner told me and flashed a supportive smile. "You told Heero?" I asked. I hated when they left him out of the loop like he was an invalid. "Yes, of course." The doctor rattled off his news in medical code. Loosely translated, they'd seen nothing like it. Heero's bones had knitted together perfectly, the break lines nearly invisible. Bonded flawlessly and weeks ahead of schedule. "So, he can leave here?" I asked, this being the only thing of importance from my standpoint. Remarkable healing was fine, but so what? If it wasn't bad, why make a big deal of it? "What we want to know is-" "Must know-!" "What doctor was he seeing before moving here?" "His doctor? I don't know." I didn't know, and that's what I told them. I failed to convince; it wasn't what they wanted to hear, apparently. "Listen here, young man, withholding vital information cannot do your friend any good" "But I'm not. I really don't know who his past doctor was." I nearly mentioned his being on the high school team and that they might know, and then caught myself just in time. I fucking hoped to hell that my face reflected nothing of what I was feeling. I must have been tired or stressed to start forgetting the story I'd given for him. The doctor's frown deepened further. "We have heard about an organization of technicians and medical doctors who have been performing experimental operations and testing drugs on patients." I must have looked alarmed because I felt the nurse rest her hand on my arm. Her voice was kind. "This is the kind of result one might expect, given the rumors." My thoughts shot to that Doctor J character Duo and his boyfriend had mentioned. Fuck. If a trail linked the Doctor J character with Lowe and then Heron, AKA Heero, then I could imagine stirring up more trouble than a loose tiger on a turkey ranch- worse, because with the tiger I'd know what to do. "Sorry I can't help you," I said, because, in the end, there was no reason for them to expect me to know the name of his previous doctor. The cluster of doctors stared at me as if they knew I was lying, which they couldn't possibly, and then one said, "I warned you he might not know. He's the one who witnessed the fall, that's all." That was right. I never actually knew if I'd fooled anyone; maybe I had. "We could ask the other young man, his cousin?" Cousin? Oh, Wufei. He'd know less than me about Heero's past; besides, even if he did know the name of every last one of Heero's doctors, I knew he'd never give away any information that might lead back to himself. A man with a past to hide was careful. The dissatisfied faces turned away and the commotion moved away from where I stood. I waited and eventually a staff member brought me a checklist, some forms, and a clipboard and pen. "This is all that's standing between you and you taking him home on Monday," I was told. The circus shut down to the public for one day a week, Monday, which, lucky for me was tomorrow. This was perfect timing. I could get help from Wufei getting Heero up into the trailer, too. "Works for me." So, I filled out forms agreeing to the terms, the care, who to call if he had a relapse, the list of what to expect-mostly medical-lawyerese "cover their asses" crap, I figured, given my limited knowledge about either profession. On my way out, I called Duo, who'd call his boyfriend to pass along the good news. "Wooeee! That's cool! Quat will be happy. He really will, once he gets over worrying." "If you say so. I don't think he trusts me." "Quat? Oh, he does. He kinda reads emotions. Kinda. He feels strong ones and knows how you feel about 'Ro." What?! Reads my feelings? I didn't especially like having my privacy invaded. Still... "So he knows how Heero feels?" About me? He wouldn't ask that but he could find out other things. "Does Heero know about what's happened to him?" Duo was quiet for longer than it should take for him to answer back honestly, so I knew he was measuring his reply carefully. "Yeah, sorta. You should talk to 'Ro or Quat about that, actually. Not me." I planned to. "I will. Can I block his mind reading?" "Ha! He doesn't read your mind, bud. Feelings only, like I said, and you do a pretty good job hiding them as it is. He says you're hard to gauge of lot of the time, which was why he wasn't so sure of your intentions, at first." "At first." "Hey, even I can tell you're crazy about 'Ro and he's just as mad about you, but you know that." Did I? I couldn't help smiling at any rate. "Uh, huh, you know. Quit digging for clues." Duo was grinning, too; I could hear it in his voice. "He's never been treated like he deserves, so you better, I don't know, be good." I couldn't wait to show Heero how good I could treat him. "I will." Duo was still talking. "He always acted like he had something to prove-that was what I thought, 'cause he picked a challenging boyfriend." "They were a secret," I said. At no time had I guessed that either Zechs or Heero had been gay, much less a couple. "I always thought he and Relena were together." "Yeah, that was a part of the difficulty, but Zechy was... hard on him." I imagined a frown replacing Duo's easy smile. "Quat tried to break them up, but how much meddling can a friend do, ya know?" "Not much." "About right. I stayed out of it as much as I could. For as long as I could." "Meaning you eventually got involved?" "Yeah, heh, heh. I knew Lowe was... abusing 'Ro. He didn't need his boyfriend doin' it too. I busted Zechs' lip, then I ran like hellhounds were at my heels." "Unscathed?" "Oh, yeah." No, Heero shouldn't have had to endure any of that from people supposed to love him. "It won't ever happen again," I promised. "Good. I was getting to like you too much to have to kill you over this." I wasn't sure if he was joking or not, but we both chuckled and let the tense moment pass. I envisioned his violet eyes glittering up at me and was really glad I could make the lively image go away, that this was just a phone conversation. If it hadn't been for Heero, I could have fallen for Duo. Problem with that, of course, was that I would have had to kill the blond boyfriend to get to him, and that was just stupid enough a thought to crush and burn to ash all the rest of those "what ifs?" I wasn't killing anyone, especially new friends. "I'm at my truck," I said. "Work calls. So-" "Gotta go? Me, too. Later, bud!" Later, yeah. Next I called Wufei to let him know I'd be bringing Heero home Monday and to warn him that the circus doctors might contact him about Heero. "Let them try. I know nothing. It makes one think, though. What if they could treat all of the performers with fast-healing drugs? Would they?" I wasn't sure. The idea of healing quickly was so appealing that I was afraid even I'd throw caution to the wind and give the test drugs a try. "It doesn't matter, does it? We don't have any information to help them." "Correct. I'll help you fix up space for Heero-" I read that as "pick up the dirty clothes while you wash the counters and toilet." "-and I will let Catherine know you'll be home soon. She'll want to have dinner ready." Gag. My sister's cooking left much to be desired, but to complain would throw it into my lap. No thanks to the extra work. "Thanks." Monday. That was just the next day, a point I repeated because I couldn't seem to believe it. I doubted I'd get much sleep that night anticipating what was to come tomorrow. As much as I wished Heero was awake to talk to and kiss, if he was that tired, he needed the rest. I'd have him all to myself pretty soon. All. To. Myself. (o) Removing his arm and legs from traction and the casts didn't make Heero magically mobile. He'd spent several weeks not using the limbs, and the lack of use cut his muscle tone. Luckily, he'd been in terrific condition before the fall and his own exercise regime had helped build his stamina. "The loss can usually be regained through therapy," the rehab technician, Mark, told me. He had worked the legs through a series of exercises designed to rebuild was had been lost, and had taught me to do the same for Heero when we left the hospital. Heero ... he looked... fucking awesome to me - all that toned muscle and definition would come back and he'd be even more amazingly gorgeous. But for now, he couldn't even stand. He could lie down, though. I visualized him spread out over my bed, my imagination filling in details complete with orchestral background, so I nearly missed what was being said. "I'll come out to work with him every day," Mark said. And reading my negative expression he added, "It was part of the agreement you signed." The paper I hadn't read but signed obediently. "All right." "It's only for the first few weeks then you'll be on your own," he said as if to make me feel better. "Fine." And then we were loading Heero into my truck and heading to where we'd live. "How far to your home?" Mark asked. The hospital was in the same area as the "circus and zone". My caravan was located in the middle of where just about all the other circus folks lived. "Not far." I gave him directions through the twisted paths and the lot number and my cell number. "I will find you. See you later, then," Mark said. I drove slowly to let Heero get a good look around at the layout of the district. I circled a bit, taking him by the tents, the animal cages, and then to the living quarters. Aside from pointing out the sights, I didn't say much, and he didn't volunteer much to the conversation beyond an acknowledging grunt. We both kept a lot inside, which was fine with me. Most things a person thought were simply premature notions. They belonged locked up where no one else could judge them until you were good and ready to release them on the world, or not. Wufei waved as the truck rolled up to my caravan. Heero rejected the wheelchair, but that got over-ruled by the hospital agreement I'd signed, Wufei claimed. In the end, what decided it was the fact that he couldn't stand without wobbling. "If you fall and re-injure yourself, you'll have to go back," was the final reminder, administered, thankfully, by Wufei and not by me, and convinced Heero to accept his fate. Poor balance, lack of coordination, weakness- that about summed up his condition. If he had mental ones beyond the memory loss, he didn't let on and hid it well. Had it been me in that wheelchair, I would have sold my soul to the devil to have hidden my feebleness , so I understood where he was coming from. "I have you; don't fight me." Wufei spoke to Heero in that no-nonsense way of his that resulted in Heero falling in line, reluctantly, but without further argument. "The lower bunk is five steps away. Trowa, support his other side." I complied and soon brought Heero to rest on the bed. "There are pillows." "Got them." And then Heero was sitting up in my trailer, at long last. "Hello-o!" "Catherine!" Wufei even managed to sound surprised that she should stop by. "I brought soup!" She stepped into the now crowded trailer, the heavy pot landing with a crash on the stove top. "Something nourishing and enough for now and later. Hi, Heero." "Hi." He looked beat and smiled weakly at her. "Thanks for the food." "You think," I muttered. "Don't get up, ha, ha!" she giggled, slapping me on the shoulder, and accepting a brief hug from Wufei. "I know it's hot out and soup's not the most appetizing thing, so I'll drop by with cold fruit salad later." "That sounds good," I told her. I didn't offer them refreshments or places to sit, or even polite conversation. Wufei took the hint and led the way out of the caravan, taking my sister with him. Heero massaged his "bad" arm and we settled onto our bunks for about a second when my cell buzzed. I was surprised I'd even left it on. Now that I had Heero near, anyone who needed to get in touch with me could just march over and find me in my trailer. "Yeah?" "Duo here. Is it that late? Sorry, ta bother ya." "It's okay, Duo." Not really, but I had to say something and I wanted to let Heero know who was calling. "Cool. So, how did the move go?" "Okay." "Great. Can I talk to 'Ro then?" "I guess." I slumped mostly over the side. Heero was awake and staring. "Want to chat with Duo?" "All right." He took the phone. "With the casts off I look... shriveled, pale, and hairy." He listened for a long while, and when I looked questioningly at him, he rolled his eyes, which cracked me up because I'd never seen him make that expression. He said a few monosyllabic words of encouragement, "Yeah," before barking out a sharp, "No!" that made me jump. "I do want to see you, but-" I watched him frown at the phone. I could have told him that didn't get through to the other end. "Shut up, okay? Just listen for a minute. I'm not avoiding you or Quatre and I'm certainly not being held captive here against my will. It's just that... I want to be better when you come. I want to walk." He took another turn at improving the art of listening. I wondered if it was still Duo on the other end or if Winner was nagging him now. He'd thrown an arm over his eyes. He was tiring and I thought about taking the phone away. "A couple weeks then. Two weeks and if I'm not walking I never will." A few more seconds and he said goodbye, shut it off, and handed me his phone. "Put it where I can't reach it." I shut it off, but now that I was standing I felt I should leave him alone to sleep, except I also wanted to molest him. In a good way. "Alone at last," Heero said, sighing and closing his eyes. "C'mere." Did not have to ask me twice. I lay in a groove with my back to the cabin wall and turned on my side to look at him. I was afraid to touch him, but at the same time I wanted to crush him to my chest. "Don't worry about hurting me. I'm healed." "Yeah." Oh, yeah. I slithered closer, close enough to feel the hard muscle under his clothes. He raised an arm and I crawled under and draped an arm of mine over his chest. It felt so good. We were completely dressed though. Naked would have been perfect. In this raspy, low voice that sent a tremor through me; he asked, "Do you like me?" "Yeah." I really, really liked him. I didn't know how to tell him, what with the giant tongue ballooning in my mouth-mine. "I like you, too." That did it. I had no more restraint after an admission like that. My lips were on his, while he still held the "you, too" pout. My fingers twisted in his hair finding longer tendrils amongst the shorter, once-shorn-now-grown-out parts. I felt a hand slide up and down my arm, finding a shoulder muscle to massage and I heard a moan that could have come from me. Then the hand smoothed my side, and I trembled. "Hn," he grunted, followed by a chuckle, low and sexy as hell. "Your workouts have given you an amazing body." I was thinking about workouts (sex) and bodies (his and mine). It was pretty obvious that he was thinking along those lines as well, because things started getting hot and heavy from that point on. I could tell he was excited and needy. So was I. We touched under our clothes, and when that became too restrictive, we worked them off. Mostly I did the work, but I don't even remember mine coming off. I'd seen him naked before, so I was prepared for that. And he wasn't shriveled, pasty white, or hairy, like he'd said. And his dick was getting hard. That was working just fine. I could touch him and that sent us both to panting. The sounds he made pushed me further. I could tell he liked being caressed. No matter what I did, he loved it. I also liked the way he looked at me. And then I went down on him, licking, sucking for all I was worth. I'd never done it before, but it wasn't hard to figure out. I'd made him hard. I was making him excited. I was bursting with feelings. He came with a shout that sent jolts to my groin, pleasurable pain. I wasn't ready for my body's reaction to his touch. Such simple strokes. "Fuck Heero!" The warning was smashed by a thundering roar, blissful, intense pleasure that force a gasp out of me. I pulled off his hand and rolled to the side. "Oh...ng..." I may have said something more then I sighed. I looked into his eyes and blushed with embarrassment. "Umm," he hummed, clearly satisfied with his achievement. He kissed me once then pushed me away. "Towels. Clean. Now." Of course he was a clean freak. I did as ordered and curved back alongside him until he and held me and I dragged a blanket over us. In spite of my overwhelming awe at what we'd done, I fell asleep in his arms. (o) "What is it?" Heero asked the next morning. "Cath left the fruit salad by the door. It's bug soup." He groaned. He hadn't even seen it. The sun threatened to sear its way through the thin curtains and I knew it was early yet. It was going to be a hot day. I had to get to work and spend most of my time away from Heero. I knew it and dreaded telling him. He'd tell me he was fine and able to be left on his own and I'd know it wasn't true. How do you tell another guy it's all right to lean on you and then walk away? "I gotta work." "I know you do. Go then." "But you-." He cut me off with a glare as sharp and wounding as any real blade. "I can take care of myself, Trowa." His arm swept the air. "Kitchen, bathroom, bed-all a hop away." "I know, but if-?" "If I fall I get up or crawl. We have cells; I'll message you or Wufei if I get stuck." "Fine. I can fix us breakfast, okay? I mean, I have to eat, too." We'd missed dinner. I felt my internal fortifications rearing lines of defenses to fend off his anger. And it was anger. Irritability and frustration and probably a whole lot more building inside that handsome head of his. I watched his face change and the frown turn into a shy smile. "Yes, you do. We burned up a lot of calories last night." Lovemaking. Yes, we did. Just the mention of it made the blood heat my face. I chuckled, gulped, and turned away. Things had gone from zero to wow in just a day. I was unable to absorb it all. I wanted to go back to bed. I wanted Heero. A kiss. Anything. "I think there's eggs and bread for toast." I must have cooked and eaten, because I wouldn't have washed dishes that were clean, but to tell the truth, I was distracted. My life could not get any better. Heero wanted me, my body, my mind... I'd toss in my soul, if he asked. "Take it easy today, all right?" He may have agreed, but with reservations. "I won't get better if I don't push myself." "Don't push too hard, Heero. This is not the hospital where there's staff at the press of a button to pull you back together. I'm going to work out, practice my act, and be back in time to make us lunch. Can you wait for me to help you with your exercises?" "We have soup and Mark should come, so don't worry about rushing back." "But I want to." I got another non-answer, so all I could do was hope my message got through that thick skull of his. One kiss and I left. (0) We didn't get back to exploring sex for a while. He slept a lot that first week back. He needed it. When he didn't rest properly, he weakened and things went down from there. "Triton! Er... ah... Trowa!" I remained firmly planted on the platform high above the safety net and even higher above the ground. I looked around for the voice and spied my caravan neighbor, Jed. "What's up?" "Better get down... an' hurry!" The edge in his voice told me it was urgent, so I climbed and slid to the ground and jogged to the tent opening. "What?" "It's Heero! Something's wrong." At that moment my cell buzzed. Heero. I raced back to my place, still bare footed. I could hear swearing from as far away as the end of the camp. Breaking glassware next. Before my caravan got torn up further, I tore past the onlookers and ripped open the door. The mess! I slammed the door behind me and locked it. "What the fucking hell?" I regretted saying anything. He looked so sad as he wiped at his eyes and turned away. "Fuck this! You should have let me die!" he cried out. I knew he didn't really mean it, but it still stung. "Sit. Let me see if you burned yourself." "I didn't!" he snapped. "Just spilled everything! Go away! I'll clean it up." "How about we do it together?" I suggested, holding my breath until he gave a quick nod in reply. "I just thought I could do something... boil eggs... I'm worthless!" "You can boil the eggs. Not these," I swiped at the mess of shells and goop lying broken on the floor. "There's more. Heero banged the pot down and poured in more water from the teapot. His hands were shaking so bad, I clasped them between mine before he broke more eggs. "Together," I said and cupping his hand in mine, we juggled the remaining half dozen into the pot. "So, what will we do with them?" It was a stupid question and I expected a huffy answer. "Take them on a picnic," he said in a voice soft, his anger draining. "I'm tired of being cooped up inside. And all I could think of for a picnic were hard-boiled eggs." "We can do that." No matter what! While wondering how I was going to get him to a nice spot to eat, I happened to see a wheelbarrow. I didn't think he'd go for being carted around in that, but it got me thinking about horses. There was a dressage club at high school; Relena Darlian its chairperson, so it was possible Heron had ridden a horse before. "Think you ever rode a horse?" He shook his head. "I don't know, but it's likely." Before I could ask why, he told me, "Zechs had a stable, so I might have ridden there. I remember things like flashbacks." "Oh," I wasn't sure what to say to that news. "Well, if you want to try, the circus has dozens of horses from huge to miniature, all well-trained. After we finish making lunch, we could give one a stab? That way I can show you some nice places around here." Without you walking far. This time he wore a bemused smile. "Nice try." "What do you mean?" "Trowa, when I can walk to wherever the horses are kept, then we might consider riding." Of course. Riding would take a lot of energy, too. Obviously, when I'd left Heero alone, He'd gone and tried to do too much, got angry at his weakness and started to break things. "Too much, too soon?" "Yes, but I appreciate you thinking I could." Instead, we had lunch on folding chairs outside the caravan and read over the stack of pamphlets he'd be given on his condition and how to recover. "Yeah, see?" I pointed out a paragraph that applied to him. "- may be impulsive and unaware of his physical limitations and may try to climb out of bed or walk by himself when it is unsafe to do so. Agitation and restlessness may also lead to injury. A well-designed rehabilitation unit and well-trained staff can keep him safe, using little or no medication." I looked up. "Well, you haven't got that." "I have you. And Mark comes by to help for another week. I need more patience." "And exercise. I felt good getting back into shape for my performances. It can help you, too. It couldn't hurt you to join me for stretches." "Maybe I'll be up to walking tomorrow." I hoped he would. I had no one to substitute for my acts. I had to work. "In the meantime," Heero folded his egg shells in a paper napkin, "I might as well learn something useful while I'm stuck inside." He closed his eyes and leaned back his head. "I think I'll learn to cook. Re-learn. I know I cooked at my home-I remember sporadic bits about doing that. I liked watching cooking shows in the hospital and with the internet I can look up recipes and instructions. My skills will come back and the instincts about what goes with what." One step forward, two back today, but maybe the reverse tomorrow. "Okay," I said. "Something to hope for. Just give me a list of what you need and I'll get it." TBC
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