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"Halloween Pranksters"Written By: Kaeru Shisho Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing
or its characters, nor do I make any monetary profit off this story. Rating: R Warnings: AU, male/male pairings, language Pairings: Ahhh Summary: When the demands of war are no longer there to challenge the mastermind tactician, Quatre turns to matching—his friends. They have had enough. It is time to stop his interference. A/N: I know, will I ever get to telling the story?
I will, but first I wanted to thank Waterlily for editing and inserting
a great deal of harmless fun into this. "Halloween Pranksters " Who has fall decorating this year?" Duo asked, sliding into his seat beside Trowa at the Preventers commissary. "Not I," Wufei answered as he dropped his tray across from his. "I did my stint." "Welcome back," Trowa said, looking up. Wufei nodded. "Good to be back." The mission Wufei had just returned from had gone well, everyone had returned alive, and besides that, since he'd already attended a private, thorough briefing with the team commander, Zechs Merquise, to Duo's mind there was no reason to speak further about the past. "I remember that decorating job you did. Man, who doesn't, you know? Those dragons defined 'a different idea of scary'." "Nothing frightening about cats and rats, flying or otherwise. Dragons, on the other hand, well," Wufei smiled, swelling with pride. "I showed everyone." His dragons from China Town had been stupendous. He'd suspended dozens of them from the ceilings, at least five of them on every floor and each one measuring over twenty feet in length. "And then the next year, Tro' answered back with the badass clowns from hell," Duo said with a dark chuckle. Trowa smiled fondly. "I'd heard kids screaming in terror at the circus. I was acquainted with what was scary." "Not counting the horrors of war, yeah," Duo said with a laugh. His friends at the circus made extra money performing off-season shows and were pleased to help Catherine's "little brother" decorate the Preventers building with old props, billboards, and priceless antique circus paraphernalia. "God, I thought the zombie clowns were most successful," Duo said. Doing tricks and handing out candy to children outside the building. They'd been featured on TV and Director Une was praised for her community outreach. As thanks, Trowa had received a new ergonomic, leather chair for his office, and now the downtown trick-or-tricking parade would make a point of marching to the Preventers building. Returning to the initial question, Trowa concluded, "Must be Yuy, then. He's late." He bit deeply into his sandwich and munched. "Right," Duo agreed still thinking. "It's gotta be. I did the honors last year and for some reason the Director put us all in a row." "Like ducks in a shooting gallery," Trowa pointed out. Wufei shook his head, disagreeing. "We make an impression." "Our Gundams sure did!" Duo barked. "Man, sometimes we just left behind pits in the earth." "The good old days," Trowa summarized sourly. Wufei crushed his spork and his soda can with a fist. "I meant that our Halloween decorating achievements made an impact." "So did our-" Duo began. Before he could resurrect the Gundams again, Trowa interrupted, reminding Duo of his decorating scheme, "The tangled webs we weave." "Oh, yeah, heh, heh. That was a blast, too." Last year, Duo had enveloped the outside of the Preventer's building in synthetic spider webbing. And even he conceded his enthusiasm might have gone a little over-the-top when he'd commandeered a helicopter to place the giant blowup spider at the building's pinnacle. And indoors, his spider webbing got into everything and agents continued to uncover plastic spiders weeks later. "Yeah." Duo glanced over his shoulder for signs of the missing friend. "Should I go check on him?" He started to rise. "No. Eat. He's probably talking to Quat for ideas." Trowa pushed him back into his seat with a hand to his shoulder. "Oh. Yeah. He'd do that." Duo resumed his distracted nibbling while keeping an eye out for Heero. "This is the worst soup." Wufei pushed his away and picked up Duo's unused spork and poked suspiciously at his stroganoff. "Don't get too excited to try that dish either," Trowa warned him. Wufei halted, eating utensil poised near his mouth. "Ever since they lost Chef Maurice, the food quality has declined." "It's a slippery slope." Trowa eyes slid sidewise. "Duo. Relax." "Not another obsession," Wufei stressed theatrically. Duo glared at him. "No it's not another obsession," he echoed. "Just the same old one coming back to kick me in the ass." And when Wufei opened his mouth to comment, Duo cut him off and took back his eating utensil. He punctuated his remarks by goring his salad. "And, no," stab, stab, "I have learned nothing from my past mistakes. And yes," jab, jab, "I am a glutton for punishment. I think I've covered everything." "Covered what?" Duo's spork slipped and flipped over his salad bowl. "'Ro?" He looked up in time to see Heero wrinkle his nose at the oil and vinegar splashed over the table. "Er, sorry." He ran to gather a wad of paper napkins from the adjoining table, returning back in time to catch the trail end of Wufei's synopsis of their conversation. Duo mopped up and Heero set his food tray on the table across from Trowa. "Winner offered his help; I'm not feeling overly creative," Heero admitted. "I'm going with a fall theme. Unless any of you have an idea?" It was Trowa who couldn't keep the evil glint of conspiracy out of his expression. "Oh, I have ideas. I did warn our director. I was very disappointed in her recent troop assignments." "Oh, yeah?" Duo pushed for more. Trowa's smile turned grim. "It time for a little payback for that Argentina mishap." Heero shook his head. "I'll let you deal with that. Winner promised to take me to some resale shops for," he read from his notebook list, "giant cloth scarecrows and fake carved pumpkins-with lights." His eyes landed on Duo's face. "A trip out to country for bales of hay, gourds, and Indian corn is recommended. You know of places where I can get those, correct?" Duo nodded. "I do. I'm available, too, if you're interested... um..." His eyes slid over Wufei's face, not terribly happy, "... in going with... and we can take my truck." Heero typed a note. "Acceptable. And I need to order flower arrangements, but I can take care of that. I have specific requirements." He checked his watch and sighed. "Missed lunch. I have to go over notes with Emerson." He wrapped his sandwich in a paper napkin and stood to go. "I'll contact you later with a time." "Oh, okay! Later!" Duo said. "Hold up. I'll go with you," Trowa said, "I have a meeting with the engineering department. Wufei gathered his trash, stood, and pushed in his chair. "I give up on this meal." "Me, too," Duo said. "Oh, and did you notice the signals he was sending out? Wanting me to go with him?" "That's because you took us out to gather pumpkins for Relena's carving contest last year." "Oh," Duo said, deflated. He expected his fellow agent to tag on something like "this has gone on for long enough." "We'll speak later," Wufei said instead. "Not if I can avoid it," Duo mumbled. "There's no reason to be short with me!" "I'm not short. I'm average. You're short." "You are ... you deserve to be mated for life with a psycho head case!" "Aw, shucks... I might deserve you, but-" "Leave me alone!" "Heh, heh..." (o) Heero took the vid call and regretted it immediately on principle: don't begin an argument you know you will lose. Looking into azure eyes that appeared far more innocent than they had any right to be, he girded his loins and stiffened his upper lip. "Winner?" Quatre smiled, as simple and charming as a child. "Heero!" "Why have you called?" "I'm returning your call!" End of smile. "I'm reaching my wits end! I don't know what to do about you two! Duo's... never mind. You are... guh! Desperation can drive a man to recklessness." Quatre was scaring him already, and Halloween was weeks away. "Um." That man needed a vacation or something. He'd have to mention that to his neglectful boyfriend later. "How long since Barton took you to that beach house?" "Don't change the subject!" There was a soft sigh and the sound of paper shuffling. "Last weekend. It was lovely. Now, back to the message you left me. Yes, I have it all planned out for you. I have mapped out where all the decorations should be placed and took the liberty of locating much of what you'll need already. You recall the party I gave two years ago-?" "Thanks-" "You're welcome and you'll thank me more. Just wait! I saved all the party decorations. This means you and I can cancel our shopping trip, since it won't be necessary-" "-All right. Thank you more." "-and I've labeled all the boxes so you shouldn't have any trouble putting the right things where they go, according to the plan." "You have a building layout?" "I've visited there often enough. But not everything I collected will be sufficient. I'm sending you an updated list with exactly what you must get. Outdoorsy things." "I must? Sounds serious. All right." "When you are ready for delivery, call Rashid at the number I'm sending you now... and he'll meet you at the back gate. Is that okay?" "Perfect." "Naturally. Now, you have plenty of time to take Duo and his truck and finish getting what you need and do the right thing. Either give him reason to hope or tell him once and for all you aren't interested!" "Or?" "One of you will have to die." (o) He listened to Heero chuckle at his remark, but Quatre Winner did not join in. Even he had limits. If Heero wouldn't settle things with Duo because it was the right thing to do, then he might do it under threat of death, to Duo at least! He knew Heero was well aware that at some point the passion for fighting and piloting Gundams had been replaced with sexual tension. Preventers seemed aware of this transition and provided "sockhops and mixers" (as Duo called them in that archaic L2 slang of his), and other excuses for get-togethers disguised as office parties; at least one per month, using any cultural festivity for a theme. This month always closed out with a Halloween party and the decorations were just a part of the atmosphere leading up to it. His special sensitivity to his friends' emotional states made Quatre particularly susceptible to their yearnings, which in turn often put him into the role of playing matchmaker. Starting with himself. Seeing the potential in the mercenary-acrobat from the start, Quatre snagged him as soon as he could. Get him out of the running. Keep him close and safe. Trowa was out of the fray before he knew there was one. Wufei had been easier to manipulate than Quatre had expected. A pretty, witty, well-bred, holder of a black belt in Karate named Lian, caught and held his interest after Quatre introduced them, and that was that for a while. That the stubborn Chinese agent seemed to have a little connection with Zechs Merquise during their last mission together was troubling, though. How deep? How meaningful? How disruptive? Quatre couldn't tell-just yet. He could only juggle so many blossoming relationships at once! It would probably fade as quickly as it had appeared. For now, he would set it aside to resolve once Duo and Heero were tucked away. Duo had been a problem for him. He was all over the place in love with everyone who'd smile back at him. The trouble was that it was all superficial. No one got close enough to stick. For a while, Quatre hadn't even been able to tell if his outgoing friend preferred men or women, then one evening he'd invited his friends and a few associates from the Winner Towers building to dinner at his house. He was talking to Duo and a young, over-achiever named Kaitlin, who'd worked late all week on workman's compensation forms, hoping to fan a spark there, when Heero walked up to them and Duo's libido spiked. It struck him unprepared like a bullet to the brain. Quatre's eyes had rolled back in his head and he would have hit the floor had Heero's reflexes not been so quick. If Wufei and Zechs had not barged in at the same time, he wondered if the other two would have found each other then? A romantic notion, but Quatre was a romantic man. He loved matchmaking, too. He had a fabulous record. Yes, he had promised after setting Wufei up with Lian that he'd stop interfering, but it was so rewarding! And fun. Ever since, Quatre had been hell-bent determined to get Heero to acknowledge some feeling for Duo. Something! "Don't lead him on, Heero." "I'm not leading him or anyone else anyplace! It's not my fault. Just stay our of it!" "Oh, how I wish I could, but you know I can't and why." His hand rested over his heart, in case Heero was too stupid to get his point. "If you can't see him as a part of your life, something more than just a good friend and work mate, then tell him that. Tell him so he knows to go on with his life." "He'd hate you for telling me this." "I know. I don't like talking about him behind his back. But... I don't like blacking out at parties either. Heero, you know it has to be extreme for me to bring this up." "I don't know what to tell him." "Oh, Heero... you don't think you feel anything?" Winner felt some affection emanating from him, but he was certain Heero didn't know how to evaluate those feelings. Was he even that especially attracted to Duo? Even Quatre couldn't tell. Heero, he felt was confused and would work it out if given the opportunity again... and again... and again... "I'll call him now and see if he will take me out to the farm this weekend." "All right, Heero. Take care of it." The sooner the better. "If it will get you off my back." Quatre wouldn't promise that it would so he didn't, and they signed off. (0o) Duo knocked on the door labeled in shiny black and gold-leaf "Agent Chang". "Answering your call for help," he yelled. "It wasn't a call for-Oh, never mind. Just come in!" came the irritated voice from the other side. "Hey, 'Fei- Whoa!" Duo stopped in his tracks. "Don't stand there letting in the bad air. Close the door!" Wufei generally kept his office sparsely furnished, but in a blink of his eye, Duo could see that the place was cleared of everything not supplied by Preventers. There was Agent Chang looking like a slender, grouchy Buddha, planted behind his gleaming black-lacquered desk. At his feet, a nickel-plated trash basket, empty. At his back, a shuttered window and to his right, the standard grey, five-drawer filing cabinet, and that was it. "Do you like it?" It? Duo's eyes landed on the other item in the room: a smooth, rectangle. "Um." "It is my new air cleaner." Yeah? "Yeah, it's got that special...nothing." He'd said the right thing, and Wufei smiled serenely. "Exactly." "Is that a grimace of pain or a smile?" Duo asked. "Both. It pains me to have to discuss private issues." "I'll save you the injury, then," Duo said. "'Ro just invited me to take him trimming-shopping out at the farm. We'll have plenty of bonding opportunity to appease Quat." "It seems a little immature to toy with him." "And then you remember all the embarrassing moments he's put you through, for love-" Wufei stopped him with a hand gesture. "Say no more. This must work. It is time for Winner's meddling to stop." Wufei gritted his teeth and rubbed the table top with a thumb absentmindedly. "And your part is pivotal to its success." "Yeah, I heard you played yours well-with your hands tied behind your back and-" "That's what role play is all about!" "Heh, heh... yeah, I know. Anyway, I want Quat off my case more than you can imagine, that's why I'm doing my part. You can't say I'm not doing my part, 'cause I am and it's no easy task." "It's difficult for us all." "I don't know." Duo's smile twisted leer-like. "'Ro seems to like ogling my ass well enough. Firing off all the right signals, if you get me?" "Maxwell! Just-just make the most of your farm trip this weekend and don't tell me about it." "You had your fun...!" "It wasn't - it was a mission!" "Heh, heh... yeah, yeah..." "You're... dismissed!" Nothing would happen between Heero and Duo, to Wufei's mind, but Duo could see signs of attraction in every eye contact, gentle word, and soft smile. Not that there were any. (0o) On the weekend, Heero was already waiting outside his apartment building for Duo's ancient truck. He could hear it roaring from a block away, a good roar, the sound of an engine tuned, greased, re-built to performance levels far beyond the design specs. When Duo had started his restoration project, Trowa had been the one to lend him a hand. Heero smiled at the memory. Quatre sure had put a stop to that in a hurry! Suddenly, Trowa had no free time, and then Heero had stepped in to help replace the shocks. That was fun, actually. Yes, it was a good engine thrum and a good friendship. "Hop aboard, matey!" "Matey?" he questioned Duo's word choices all the time. The man was far more imaginative than Heero ever could be, and he seemed always willing and pleased to expound on any topic. "Pirate talk for buddy. Want more illumination?" "No, that's all for now." Heero thought of a joke and cracked a smile. "Maybe around sunset I'll be ready for more." "Gotcha." "More il-lu-min-a-tion." He emphasized the word carefully. He could hardly keep from laughing. "Okay-dokey, matey!" Duo, it seemed, had no problem stemming his tide of laughter, to Heero's frustration, so he gave him another hint. "For when it gets dark." "Okay, okay! I got it; I got your piddly joke, heh, heh. Just messing with you." Duo changed gears and headed for the highway. "You have the dreaded Q-list, I see." "I do." Heero smoothed the folded paper and read it, ending with a soft sigh. "Some days I wish I could just fly away..." "Wouldn't do any good." He noticed Duo glance briefly his way. "I know. That space heart of his works across the universe." "Probably the time-space continuum." Duo drew his breath, lifted one hand off the wheel, and rested it over his heart. Imitating Quatre's earnest tone, he said, "I feel it here. I don't know why; I just do!" Heero groaned, because he knew Duo expected him too. They'd been friends a long time, and he had contributed to maintaining that state in countless ways- one being that he meet expectations so as not to "rock the boat" as Duo had maintained would happen should they go beyond certain boundaries he, Duo, had set. Naturally, Duo had been pushing those boundaries from day one, but that was Duo. He could do that. He could do that because Heero would not and that made it safe for Duo to try. Now, however, it was their mutual friend, Quatre, who was doing his best to guide the entire fleet through the tunnel of love, rocking several boats. Leaks were springing everywhere! Heero knew he and Duo needed to get past this before the Love Boat sank, taking everyone with it. "Time to end operation Love Boat." "Ahhh. That a new nickname for Quat ?" "It might as well be." They wouldn't speak directly. It wasn't their style, and Duo liked to keep a little mystery in a mission or a relationship. "Wu is willing. So, we bring this all to a neat conclusion you think? Soon?" "Yes. I hope the shock to his system doesn't kill him." Heero said, and not for the first time. Quatre, he believed, was a little bit too delicate to be a successful conspirator. He could be determined. He could play dirty even, but he let his heart dominate his actions. He just cared about his friends too damned much. And worse, he thought it was all fun. "Well, it would be his fault if it does," Duo said. "Yes." Heero didn't mind Quatre having fun, as long as he wasn't a part of it. He gazed out the window, watching the scenery change from city-scape to pastoral. What he did to appease his friends! He dozed off to be awakened by the jarring ride of tires over gravel. "We're heeer-er!" Heero cleared his throat and blinked his eyes. "Good. Let's get this over with." "Can do." "Game's on." Duo gave him a wink and a thumbs-up. The pair dodged the little kiddies in the pumpkin patch, and indicated a crate of pumpkins "to be loaded, please," to a smiling staff of the farm. With a little teamwork, the two tossed and stacked bales of hay on board. "Hold it. Don't move." Duo froze. "Eh?" Heero leaned close and extracted hay stems from Duo's bangs. "These might get in your eyes." Duo blinked and stared with wonder into Heero's blue eyes. "Uh, thanks." Sun motes danced in in the hazy morning light. A crow cawed. "Making hay while the sun shines? Heh, heh..." Heero ran a finger down his cheek and over Duo's bottom lip. Duo's tongue slipped out, but the finger had moved on to his chin in time to feel Duo tremble. Heero stepped back with a short laugh. "You are so easy." "Am not!" Duo declared. His mischievous smile returned full force. "I'm... sensual." Naturally, this raised a few eyebrows and Heero pushed him inside another barn-like building. "Shhh. You're disturbing the children. Look here, we have more things to collect." One by one they checked off items from the "Q-list". Space was found for gourds of assorted sizes, shapes and colors by the box load and candy-colored Indian corn by the bunch-everything achieved with minimal contact, nominal effort, and token spoken words. "Maybe not record time for a mission prep, but not bad," Duo said as Heero finished counting out the payment. "Acceptable. Are you expecting food now?" Heero asked. "Food? Are you asking me out? 'Cause if you are, I want this going on record." When Heero looked up, Duo was grinning at him. He shook his head like he always did when Duo teased him. "Does it make your heart skip a beat?" he asked. For a moment a kiss hung in the air between them, and then Duo burst out laughing. He didn't stop until they were back on the highway. Heero used the time to place a call to Rashid. "Thank you. Yes, just meet me there. I have permits. Don't let the guards intimidate you-Yes, I was joking. ETA? Forty-five minutes." "The smell of pumpkins is making me drool, and you know I'm no fan of vegetables. How about we go by the drive through and get some take-away?" "I did mention lunch earlier," Heero reminded him and pointed out his choice. "On the right." "Yeah, sure." They rounded the corner, and Duo pulled up to the order window. He ordered automatically without quizzing Heero unnecessarily for input until the end. "That it?" "Vanilla milkshake. For variety's sake," Heero answered and handed over a large bill. "Yeah, you don't to become predictable or anything." Duo sighed and turned back to the order-taker. "Make that strawberry a vanilla and that's all. Thanks." Duo paid, returned the change to Heero, and pulled ahead to the next window to wait his turn. "So, after this, you want the stuff dumped at work?" Duo asked. "You have a place to store it?" Duo just waited for him to move the conversation ahead, not even pretending it was a meaningful question. "I hate to go to that building on a day off, but yes," Heero admitted. "I might as well start setting it all up. Wufei will be there. He can help." "With the decorating? Heh, heh, sure..." Duo chuckled. Heero sharpened his eyes, the setting "stun". "He's not the only one. Barton has something special he adding and promised to show up." "With Quat, hopefully." "Hopefully." "More hands to help? All right. I'm sure 'Fei's gonna be a real facilitator... Hey! No, punching!" "Then stop insulting him." "I thought I'd said a good thing about 'Fei?" "If you unwrapped the heavy cloak of sarcasm, it would be." "Heavy cloak...? You've been reading that book Zechs lent you, haven't you?" "It was a gothic novel," Heero smiled shyly and took his bagged order when Duo passed it to him. "How could I resist?" He felt Duo's fingers touch his and moved to avoid further contact. "You resist my charms." Duo's eyes twinkled dangerously. "I do." Wrapping an arm over his chest protectively, Heero added, "Just barely." "Uh, huh. Right. Well, I think Quat's got enough good vibes from our adventure." Duo shook his head as he folded back the paper wrapping on his hamburger and started the truck. "And you have gathered your helpers back at the ranch. So, you don't need me?" Of course he did! Heero always needed Duo to get things done. "Please?" he asked and waited a full minute for a reply, during which time he ate half his chicken sandwich. "Okay." Duo smiled through a mouthful of burger, chewed, and swallowed. "Magic word works!" (o) Half an hour later, they turned into the secured parking lot by the loading dock, Heero pulling out a file of paperwork giving them clearance to be there and take the truckload of material into the building. Rashid's van was waiting to be unloaded as well. "Next time," Heero said, "I'm going with something simpler." "No shit. I was thinking of pouring red paint over everything. You can use that if you want." They traded smiles. "Thanks," Heero said. "Did I ever tell you how much I love to haul crap?" Duo asked. "The heavier and dirtier the better?" Heero replied to the man he considered to be his dearest friend with a question of his own. "Aw shit!" Duo wiped his hand on his jeans. "More blood stains never to come out. Stupid wires..." "I recommended gloves." "Swell of you. It might have even seemed sincere if you'd brought an extra pair. Are we done with the hay bales, 'cause I am feeling like kicking the stuffing out of a few?" "Don't." "One? Just gimme one! We can use the loose crap to spread... Eh, you have no flair. Lemme show ya!" With blood, sweat, and tears, décor accumulated near the elevator at each coffee station on all five floors plus one massive display at the main floor security desk and something special on third floor where Director Une's office suite darkened the workplace. In the building corners on either side of her area, were tucked Wufei and Trowa's spaces, and the two opposite corners housed Duo and Heero's workspaces. A cozy arrangement that made her feel safe and allowed her to keep a finger on the pulse of the operation, them- they supposed. Duo's mark was on the hay bales, lots of loose straw to scatter everywhere. Piled bales making seats and places to arrange gourds and flowers and scarecrows, softened the steely feel of the office. "Fresh flowers ready for pick up!" Duo shouted from the elevator with a load of gourds. "On it!" Heero answered back. He signed for the delivery at the security desk and carried tubs of flowers in glorious fall colors to the infirmary where garlands of fall leaves already framed the doorway. The weekend staff oo'ed and ah'ed the trimmings. "It's like letting the outside in!" "Something like that," Heero replied. At least he'd learned to smile politely and not totally mock civility, a notch up from his co-worker and friend, Wufei. He juggled another arrangement to free a hand and took a call. "What?" "You gotta come get a load of Une's lair," Duo said. "Put down whatever you're doing. Chang's orders." "I'm nearly done, actually, and it's my next stop. I have something to contribute. Tell him I'm on my way." "Will do, lover boy!" God, Duo. Heero could be in Director Une's area in two minutes if he took the stairs. He used the elevator and took his time; he didn't want to damage the huge flower arrangement he'd gone to so much trouble to have assembled. To get to her desk, the inner sanctum, he had to pass a security desk with her personal assistant. The desk was unoccupied, so Heero just paused long enough to deposit the huge flower arrangement before turning to the short hallway to her door. Branches from floor to ceiling blocked his way. He searched for and found Trowa standing within the new wooded area. "She's not in, so breathe easy." With a nod of acknowledgment, Heero continued to examine the thicket and wait for the rest of the update. "Wufei is lending a hand. He'll be there in a minute," Trowa filled in. Heero cast an eye over the branches towering over his head. "Carpentry isn't his forte." Trowa smiled. "You'd know?" Of course he would, Wufei was colony-born where there was no wood. Wood skills were unnecessary and not learned. But he knew Trowa knew all that and his question had been no more serious that Heero's carpentry statement. "Yeah." Heero avoided his eyes, or eye, and concentrated on watching Wufei getting off the elevator with an armload of heavy branches. (o) Duo exited the men's room just in time to intersect paths with Wufei. "Man! Did you have to cut down an entire forest?" Duo asked. "Two of them," Wufei snapped. "Feel free to help. There's more downstairs." "MORE? Geez... why am I always the one to carry the load here?" "We all have our burdens to bear," the Chinese man said with a wry smile, his eyes locking on something in the distance. He dropped his sticks and caught Duo's arm to stop him from dashing off on his errand. "On second thought, don't bother. What Barton's collected already and this is ample for his purposes." "You getting a life is about to get me down, you know?" Duo grinned with a knowing look and picked up a couple branches. When they joined the others, the hall was looking less like a beaver den and more like... "A funeral pyre?" Duo guessed. Trowa stopped moving as if he was giving the suggestion proper consideration and then measured out a length of wire. "Maybe next year." They all stood and watched Trowa cut wire and pound nails into the wall. He wired the bare limbs in place, attaching one after the other as he moved along the wall. "Nice." Duo got the hang of it and used a stapler for a hammer to start on the facing wall, which meant in order to save face Heero and Wufei had to step in and assist, too. They held limbs in place. More limbs, more nails, more wire, and trees climbed the walls. The brambly pile of stored limbs disappeared and a path cleared. It looked as if a copse, a bleak one, had crowded into the end of the third floor with a narrow path carved out that lead to the director's office door. "I'm not finished," Trowa said. He made it sound like a threat he was eager to carry out. From his pocket, appeared a roll of tape familiar to them all. He stretched and wove the yellow and black CAUTION tape so that it appeared to be securing a crime scene. "That's so cool," Duo snickered. "Thanks-hold on." Trowa stopped to take a call. "Bring it up." He turned to the group, saying, "Watch for Singh from the labs for me." Duo helped with securing the tape along both sides of the "path", leaving the other two to keep an eye out. "Elevator approaching this floor," Wufei called out. "Doors opening," Heero announced half a minute later. "You two are having just too much fun," Duo noted. "Jealous or is that envy I hear?" Trowa asked. "Neither. Just pointing out the facts." Moments later, an engineer from one level down, Deidre Singh, rolled a dolly out of the elevator. On it appeared to be a used window, complete with ratty wooden frame; however, it wasn't just a window. "I'll hang this so you can see how it looks," she said. She knew just how to attach it on top of the curtained window to the office that one no one ever recalled being open. The framing was old with pealing once-white paint, the "glass" a grimy gray screen. Heero and Wufei walked beside her. "It looks...old," Heero observed. "It ought to! I worked hard to achieve that patina. Now, I plug in the power here," Deidre told them with a flick of her long black ponytail, "And this is the controller for the picture, so the assistant can turn it on and off from the desk. I'll show you. It's chill." The "window" showed a silhouette of a bent-nose witch, the shadow moved this way and that. Curtains wafted. "Nice touch with the glasses and hair bun," Duo observed. "It's Une?" Heero asked unnecessarily, because it was obvious that it was intended to be her. Deidre twittered. "Got the other lights here you asked for." "Hold on," Trowa said, checking his cell for messages. "Quat's coming by." Duo and Heero exchanged knowing glances, but said nothing. Heero moved a step closer to Wufei and exchanged crisp nods. "You want me to install these?" Deidre asked Trowa, who seemed to be in charge. "We'll do it together. I have a particular vision for this." "I hope your boss sees it the same way, or do I?" Deirdre asked. She made it sound like a joke. "If she doesn't, then I've failed," Trowa murmured. He and Deirdre installed torches with flickering bulbs in the tree limbs and linked them to power with hidden cords. When he loosened the overhead fluorescent bulbs, plunging them in darkness, it left only the flickering torches to light the way. In the meantime, Heero had Wufei's assistance moving a hay bale to the side of the window and placing the huge floral arrangement on top. A giant cauldron filled with bagged candy got rolled in and the final touch was a sign pointing down the "lane" that read: Free candy this way. Trowa said, exposing a gleam of contrariness in his green eye, "That should be a lesson to her not to withhold back up from the field." "But she didn't. Not really, you know." Duo said, confused. "You got the extraction you needed and I never required more help." "Not exactly what I meant," Trowa muttered as he strode off in another direction to intercept someone coming their way. "What did you mean then?" Duo asked his retreating back. (o) Heero watched Trowa go, but turned toward the sound of Duo's voice. "I don't follow him sometimes," Duo admitted. "With 'Fei, there's no question what kinda bee's up his ass; he makes his gripes very clear." Wufei opened his mouth then shut it, Heero guessed, because he couldn't deny the charge or find fault with it. Duo charged on. "But Trowa...do you know what he was talking about?" Heero was beginning to. Thinking over the details following the "Mission Fiasco", he remembered Trowa asking him why he hadn't gone after Duo, why he'd been left hanging, literally, from a tree in some Siberian forest, while he'd had more backup than he'd known what to do with and Argentina? Trowa hadn't let go of that, continuing to place blame on the director... "I had contacted you at Barton's request. You'd been caught up in a tree in Siberia-" "Not that again?" Duo sounded put out, but Heero knew he'd say more, if he didn't interrupt him. "You wondered if I required extraction, this after I'd already cut myself free and joined the rest of my team-!" "And completed a dangerous rescue mission-without need of Yuy or any other backup. Why are we discussing this?" Wufei asked. "I have a theory." Heero smiled. "Tell me, why did you jump into a forest, while the other paratroopers had aimed for a clearing?" "Why...huh?" Duo checked an incoming message on his cell, smiled, and tapped out a brief reply before answering. "Oh that. I didn't jump. I slipped and fell out." Heero hadn't heard him tell it that way before. "You normally don't do things like that." "Are you sure you weren't pushed?" Wufei asked, taking off where Heero left off. "No, not sure at all, but I didn't want Internal looking into my mission mess-ups." "Better to have that blot on your record?" Wufei sounded as if he didn't believe it. "Yep. If someone did it, it was an accident and I should have been able to prevent it." "But what if it had been done on purpose?" Now Heero was getting worked up over something that had happened months ago. "What if there's an agent trying to get you hurt?" "What if there is?" Duo pushed. "He'll mess up eventually and show his cards. They always do. In the meantime, he thinks he's safe." "Crookshank-" Wufei supplied. "Hey, stop that!" Duo told them both. "I can see the gears at work inside that head of yours, and more sinister ones whirling about in yours," he said, directing the last comment to Wufei. Heero spoke to Wufei this time. "That was the agent that took my place on Duo's team so I could be ready as backup for Barton or your mission, whichever came first." Heero looked as if he might run out, hunt down the man, and tear off his head barehanded, if Wufei weren't blocking his way. "Crookshank?" Duo scratched his head. "The redheaded crazy guy? He's a buddy of Trowa's." "He is usually teaming with him on missions," Heero corrected. "Yes," agreed Wufei, "It is odd that he wasn't on Barton's team that time." "Coincidence? I think not..." Heero's voice trailed off and his mind took a different path. "Well, you think what you will. I gotta call to make," Duo said, excusing himself from the group and standing a little ways off. "I got it," Heero said to Wufei. "Trowa had formulated a plan, or, the likelier case, his boyfriend and he had co-constructed it, and he had carried it out. Trowa's anger at Director Une has really been over the failure of their plan." "Trowa and Quatre's plan." "Yes, Trowa had set everything up in order for me to save Duo." Wufei got into the fun of it now. "Oh, yes. That Duo might have gotten injured probably hadn't occurred to the fool." "Right, any more than I wouldn't have dropped everything and flown to his rescue, which I hadn't." Heero and Wufei shared a moment of total agreement. "Of course you wouldn't," Wufei said. "And if I follow your logic, you think the plan was just another bungled attempt by our friends to give you an opening to romance Maxwell?" "Another in a series," Heero said with a world-weary sigh. "Quatre is close to losing his edge. He is turning to more and more desperate measures to get your attention." "It took me a little time, but he has my attention, now." "Heero, if we let those fools continue, Duo might get truly hurt the next time-or you! Those two are not playing fair and Trowa has... we've lost our buffering agent." "Buf-fering a-gent," Heero repeated as he typed a note to himself. "I have to remember to call him that. You don't mind?" Wufei waved the query away. "You wish to use my wit to impress others? Go ahead. I have plenty to spare. But, back to Winner. Left to his own devices, without Trowa regulating his excesses, he might take things one step too far." "Yes, I agree. It could end badly." "No, this shall end here, today!" Wufei assured him. "Duo and I arrived at that conclusion earlier today. Independently. Down on the farm." "So, do you want me to talk to him?" "No, Duo wants one more dig at him first." Heero smiled. "Then we'll end the suspense." "Include me?" "Absolutely," Heero said letting some warmth seep into his expression. Wufei's eyes slid past Heero's shoulder. "Speaking of our matchmaking fool-" Heero spotted Trowa near the elevator now, chatting with Quatre, who had just arrived. It appeared that Quatre wanted to wait for someone else, pointing to the elevator. "Heero?" Duo had rejoined Heero and Wufei. "You still with me here?" Duo's plaintiff voice sounded as if he'd grown tired of waiting for a reply. Maybe now was a good time. "Duo, can I see you a moment?" Heero asked. "Look all you want, heh, heh... Oh, you want me to come with you. I gotcha. Sometimes you aren't too clear about your objectives." Sotto voce he added, "Like now." "Think he's noticed where we've gone?" "Yes, Duo." "Is he following us?" "Not yet. He may be satisfied to-" "To ride the wave?" Duo asked, grinning. "If by that you mean 'listen in' with his emotional 'ear', then yes." "This room will do." Heero opened the door of a conference room and entered first. Duo followed and shut the door behind him. "I've been told I'm as good and sweet as home...spun...sin." Duo drew out the words and hissing the "s's" as he moved into Heero's personal space. "B-by whom?" "You know who." Yes, he did, or he could guess. Heero swallowed hard. Temptation came in many forms, candy was one. He tried to think about pickles, with he didn't like. Duo was so close now that when he moved his hand he felt his warmth coming through the green flannel shirt. He sucked in his breath to control a shudder. "Oh, God." "Heh, heh...God of Death, yeah, but did you know I was also the God of the Little Death, too? I think it was Trowa who said that first, la petite morte. Him and his French." "It's a metaphor for orgasm," Heero said, concentrating on his resourceful powers of self-diversion. "The feeling caused by the release of oxytocin in the brain after orgasm was "the little death". He frowned. "That's stupid, actually. I've been as close to death as possible and still have avoided it, and I can attest to the fact that it was nothing like an orgasm." "Ha!" Duo laughed. "I wonder is security is recording this. It has got to be the funniest conversation you and I have ever had. Heh, heh. So, how far do you want to take this?" "As far as we have to. We should do it quickly, though. I expect us to be interrupted at any moment." Heero had him in an embrace seconds later. "Relax," Duo told him in a loud voice, "No one's going to bother us." On cue, there was a knock on the door. Finally! "Probably Quatre looking to declare success," Heero suggested. "No way. This could be it!" Duo said his voice pitched just loud enough to be heard by someone listening in at the door, and then hollered, "Go away unless you want to watch two men fucking!" One would expect that should send most people packing. But not this one. The door opened. "Nice try," Wufei said. "Quatre's with Trowa. You should come and observe the master touch. Director Une has just arrived downstairs on her day off to get a preview." How disappointing! When Duo, Wufei, and Heero returned to the "crime scene", only Trowa and Quatre were present. Trowa must have won the argument outside the elevator, Heero decided, because he and Quatre had migrated to the director's suite and he was showing Quatre the decorations. Trowa smiled and cocked his head in the appearance of listening to Quatre while watching for signs of people getting off the elevator at the same time. "-And I felt something a moment ago, so I know Heero returns some of Duo's feelings, but Wufei seems determined to distract Heero's attention, for no good reason that I can tell. Wufei is hard to read today. Poor Duo." "He doesn't look upset or bothered to me." Trowa looked at Duo, who smiled back. "Do you like the haunted path?" Quatre spoke in a less than hush-hush level. "I don't know...She might find The rose-filled urn a little perverse." "I hope so. Nice flowers, Yuy." Trowa examined the vase. "Morbid bordering on decadent." Huge bouquet of soft, shimmering silk and rich, downy velvet roses- all black- displayed in a tarnished silver urn, a massive thing, very old, with embellishments and insignia from some royal house. Heero expected that the director would know which one. Zechs Merquise had been certain which it was. Speaking of the devil-! "Relena lent it to me," Heero whispered just to see Duo react. "The hell?!" Duo snapped but without any heat. "Zechs gave it to me to lend to you. Get your Sanc royals straight!" "Or not so straight." They all turned at the sound of the newcomer appearing ghost-like with his pale hair loose and flowing freely over his shoulder. He stood at the entrance to their haunted forest/crime scene lane. "Zechs!" Duo and a cacophony of others called out, but he was first. "I thought you called to say you couldn't make it!" "Hearing the excitement in your voice, I couldn't not." He strode forward with a smile, meeting Duo midway up the path, and took Duo's hand in his. "And I really had to see the Director's reaction first hand." "Then we outta wait at the entrance," Duo said, leading the man to the outer suite and brushing past an open-mouthed Quatre. "Did you catch sight of her?" "She is examining the rustic corn stalk and squash display at the elevator. I expect she'll find this...far more interesting." He still towered over Duo, but quickly settled on the edge of the assistant's desk to bring their faces closer. "And I missed you at lunch. I hate eating alone." "I missed you, too." Quatre hung on Trowa's arm looking completely muddled. "What does he mean? Why is Duo holding Zechs' hand? What's going on?" "He managed to make up for your absence with me, two hamburgers, and a shake and fries." Heero smiled, showing Zechs a feral fang. "Did you now?" Zechs looked totally undisturbed as he pulled Duo into his arms and practically onto his lap. Duo's head fell back onto the taller man's shoulder and he whispered, "Possessive a little? Heh, heh..." "What's Duo doing?" Quatre whined. "Heero?" Not that Heero paid him any attention once Wufei bumped hips with him as a prequel to draping an arm possessively around his shoulders. "The flowers are a nice touch," Wufei said. "A little reminder of Khushrenada at Halloween?" He smiled devilishly before nibbling on Heero's ear. "It's the romantic in me, I guess." Heero squeezed tenderly. He looked up to catch Zechs' eyes. "And a little research." "I have more ..." Zechs paused as he rose to his feet, "... research material. Treize's complete collection of romance novels, available whenever you want," Zechs offered. He seemed about to say more, but being taller, he could see over their heads, and noted movement in the distance. "Here she comes." "Wufei? What are you doing with Heero?" Quatre looked up at Trowa. "I don't understand what's going on. What's wrong with our friends?" "They seem happy, actually." "Oh..." Quatre sounded less sure. "Do you want to go or stay?" "You can't go. Not until we complete this little shocker," Duo said. "Watch." Une marched up the aisle, heels clicking. "What's this? Oh, my... Yuy, you out did yourself this time... Candy... Is my office a witches shack? Lovely sentiment. Oh, and the flowers... what?!" "On the count of three-" Trowa muttered under his breath. "Or four or five or six... heh, heh..." The rest of Duo's laughter was staunched pretty effectively when Zechs bent him over for a dramatic kiss, silver hair a waterfall over his chest. Heero grabbed Wufei, clasped him firmly in place, and proceeded to kiss him senseless. He was harsh and demanding and Wufei was whimpering. Quatre choked. "Heero and Wufei? D-duo and Z-zechs? How did this happen? Is this even possible? Am I hallucinating? Trowa! Tell me! Am I having another ... episode?!" "No, no... it's all right, Quat," Trowa said soothingly. "But, but... what have Duo and Zechs even got in common? Tell me that!" "Hmmm, they can do each other's hair. Zechs can trade conditioning secrets and Duo can teach him to braid?" Quatre looked as if he might explode. Trowa reached out to his very confused, scheming lover and held him tightly. "Apparently, our friends sorted themselves out on their own. You can let go now. Just let go..." While that little drama was playing out, another act with a different plot was opening by the urn of black roses. Director Une sputtered, "Roses, roses... he loved red ones, but he would have loved this... But that urn... Isn't that the Khushrenada coat of arms? Is this his burial urn -?! Yuy how could you? Oh, but, no." She plucked a paper flag of Argentina from the roses and turned it over to read: An elephant never forgets, and nor does the circus clown. "Barton!" "Before she sees a reason to kill any of us, we should depart," Wufei advised. Duo and Zechs, Heero and Wufei made a run for the staircase. They didn't look back. The last thing they heard was a terrifying cackle. It might have come from Director Une or Quatre Winner or a combination of both. They didn't want to know which one had cracked. It was too alarming a concept to dwell on. Bwahahaaaa! Happy Haunting! The End.
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