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"Greeting Cards"Written By: Kaeru Shisho Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing
or its characters, nor do I make any monetary profit off this story. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Yaoi, funeral practices, AU, fluff Pairings: 1+4, 1x2x1, 3+H, 5xH, 3x4, 6x9 Summary: Each chapter is based on Heero’s
greeting cards and Duo's mortuary. "Greeting Cards " Chapter 19 -- October Haunting, Part 1 Naturally it was cold and neither Heero nor I were dressed for the cold and we were waiting at a windy outpost at the airport terminal taxi stand. Naturally, Zechs appeared out of the fog like some wraith, irritating 'Ro to no end. I don't know what it was about the man that bothered both Heero and Trowa so much; I thought he was pretty cool. I did wonder how he knew where to find us, but Heero seemed content to take over the questioning on his own. So, I let the two of them fuss over the evidence bag while I kept an eagle-eye look out for Quatre and Trowa. Naturally, they were late. Heero and Zechs were snapping and sniffing like a pair of pit bulls, and frankly, I don't like dogs, but it was more fun watching them than imaging what kinda punks might be getting out of the funky-looking car that pulled up at the curb. The doors opened. I got a glimpse of slim legs and gold hair and just registered who they belonged to in spite of the mismatch of the car to the man. Quatre barreled into me, nearly knocking the air out of my lungs. "Oh, Duo! Your face! What happened? Are you all right?" "Yeah," I wheezed. "Jeez, Quat, gimme some air." "I should have...known." Quatre sounded anguished. "How?" I don't know how he thought he should be omniscient. Then, to my surprise, Trowa came to my rescue, pulling Quatre off me and wrapping an arm possessively around his waist. "He's been distracted." I'll bet. I hadn't seen a smile like that on my employee's face before and considering the hour of the night I could only interpret it as smacking of sex. That plus there was a dusting of green sparkles across his nose that I couldn't fathom. And was that kohl smudged around his eyes? Nice. Other than that they were dressed indifferently in jeans and sweaters. Quatre especially looked tossed together. Yeah, called them out of bed, heh, heh... "Gotcha." Zechs spoke up. "Let's take this inside. I have an executive pass to the lounge." Quatre cheerily agreed and floated ahead on Trowa's arm. I kept between Zechs and Heero for safety's sake, and not mine, if you get what I mean. Feeling like the gasket for a very over-worked engine valve, I smiled past the armed guards to a table in the nearly-empty, private airport lounge. I felt the pressure release instantly when Heero excused himself to go the men's room and Zechs veered off to order us coffee. That meant I'd never get to sleep. "Wait until I get back," Zechs said. "I want to hear everything." I still kinda wanted to know how he had known where we were, but you didn't catch me getting pushy. "Looks painful," Trowa said about my face, I assume, though he could have been including Heero and Zechs' problematic relationship. I touched my face and winced. "It is." "Oh, Duo, what have you got into this time?" That was Quatre, and what did he mean by 'this time?' It wasn't as if I was some wayward kid with a nose for trouble. It was part of my job, not that this was... A shadow hovered over me. Heero wanted to sit in the furthermost back corner of the curved back seat, so I got out and let him in then slid in beside him. We sat close enough to share warmth. Zechs returned to our table, a waiter carrying a tray of coffees trailing behind. "Duo, why don't you answer his first question, about the fight you apparently lost?" I wanted to protest and get to the meat of story, but gave into the pressure from all sides. "Okay, so this dude didn't like the idea of Heero taking off with me instead of hanging out with his old ex, and decided to ruin my chances of seducing dear Heero with a hard punch to my jaw." Too many generalities. Quatre demanded to know everyone's name, age, and serial number. Trowa was curious if I had succeeded, which got him a half-smile and a shrug for an answer. And Zechs cleared his throat to open up some white space to speak his mind. "I spoke to Detective Chang, who in a few more hours will be known as Agent Chang of the Preventers." He glared at Heero for a second. "I do not appreciate you trying to keep an incident like that from my security people. There has already been one attack on a member of my household, as you well know." "Your security at the palace can't be very good if Duo was attacked on the premises and none of them even noticed, not even when the police arrived," Heero said. Oh boy. He and Zechs exchanged actual "glancing blows", real dagger glares that could skin most men alive. Zechs survived to retort, "I learned of what happened. Chang said you knew the man who attacked Duo to be employed by Keel, and so I asked for a photo of the arrested man emailed to my office. He was not the man who attacked Relena. He failed to show at court." "Jumped bail? That's a shock," I snorted. "Don't worry 'bout him, though." "No?" Zechs, who by day I knew as a rather low-key, friendly fellow, was rather prickly at night. "He's dead," Heero intoned with all the emotion of one of my corpses. Heero folded his arms over his chest and leaned back. And then proceeded to say not one thing more. Left me to do all the illuminating. "You sound certain of that." Zechs now looked positively intimidating. "Yeah, I was there," I assured him. "He's dead. For sure." "Duo, did you go to the island after getting beat up?" Quatre asked. This tiny frown line appeared between his brows. He was about to get bossy with me. "One punch, that's all-- not beat up." That correction was a matter of pride. "Yeah, we flew there. Didn't stop us from going to see the island, at all. As it turned out, we made a pretty awful discovery," I said with a pat to the evidence bag Heero was carrying, "and escaped in the eye of a storm." "Yeah," Heero said in a great imitation of me complete with a yawn, stretching his jaws wide, "The plane glided through the sky exactly how a bowling ball doesn't." I was really rubbing off on him, heh, heh. Which got me to thing about doing more than just rubbing off on Heero. "Here's what you want." He slid the bag along the bench seat to within Zech's long reach. "We're going." "It's a long walk back to Sanc," Trowa reminded him. Heero shrugged and curled back into his corner seat. I could tell he wished he'd kept his mouth shut. "Heero is a pilot; did you know that?" It was a shot in the dark, something to stimulate their minds, perk up my buddies huddled around glossy, little airport table. Trowa, at least, was sharing the same page. "I'm lucky I know where I'm from. Oh, guess I don't even know that." Trowa flashed me a half smile. Man, he must have had some good sex. "A pilot, really? You are?" Heero dipped his chin once in answer to Quatre. "What did you find out, then?" Zechs asked. "He's a versatile, multi-talented, complex guy," I said in a sigh. "But aside from that, what we learned was this: Lady Une of the Sanc hospital fame has some connection with the resort. By the way, nice place, but creepy as hell with wolves and devoid of people for the most part. And considering how close it is, via the subway route, to the Asylum medical unit, I'd call the place Club Med, as in Club Medical, get it?" "Yes," Zechs' look was could have wilted the most resolute flower. But not Heero. My 'Ro is not a flower, or he's a flower made out of some material that's magically harder than any known metal, say... Gundanium. He straightened up a bit and said, "Someone in charge there has turned the medical facility into a personal laboratory using the inmates of the penitentiary and of the mental asylum as test subjects. You'll see when you look at the documents that there are VL tags all over. Someone there has finger-hooks into Voyate laboratories." Zechs cursed under his breath, and lowered his coffee mug to the table. His knuckles were white as he continued to hold the handle in a death grip. Quatre twisted around in his seat. "You say have proof of that?" "Not yet, but I will. What I have are these." Heero took back his shoulder carrier and from inside withdrew a sealed plastic bag holding a small labeled bottle. He handed it to Quatre. "Take a look at the watermark on the label and tell me what you see." "VL," Quatre turned the bag around, inspecting the bottle from all sides. "Voyate Laboratories?" Trowa took it out of his hands, saying, "But not just that." Zechs moved over to get a better look. "What else?" "Whoever typed up this label did so on a typewriter." "O-kay, Tro..." I let out a sigh. Exhaustion was wearing away my thin veneer of sophistication. "I'll ask: Who the fuck cares? So what? It was typed on a typewriter. Why do you tell us this?" "Well, if you're going to be that way..." Trowa carelessly flung the bag back onto the table. "I can't help the way I am. Hey, it has been a long day, and I am very sorry. Now, enlighten me on the typing thing." Quat tapped on the table until I met his eyes. "I am sorry," I repeated, with meaning this time around. Jeez, I had to make nice to Trowa and Quatre now. You didn't see me and 'Ro acting all protective after having sex. Okay, me. "Okay," my little blond ex said generously. "What is it, Trowa?" "Most Voyate Pharmaceutical labels are generated by computer and printed by laser copiers. In the test laboratories, they are typed individually on impact typewriters one-at-a-time, because for the most part they're one-time-only labels. With me so far?" "Yeah and...?" "This paper label has these little specks, which, and I'll bet you my next paycheck about this, under a microscope will turn into fibers in the paper with embedded markers-- a different fiber for each lab. That way a product is can be traced multiple ways back to the lab where it originated." "Gods, Trowa, have I told you I love ya, man?" I said in an affected tone. "Now, you gonna tell us how you came by that information?" "He worked at a hospital, Duo. I'm sure he dealt with VL product there, right, Trowa?" Sure, bat those baby-blues at him... "Yeah, plus... I remembered that from being there. Maybe I was sent there from the hospital, maybe I worked for them, I dunno." "Trowa, let me get this straight," Zechs said. "If we were to remove this label and check out the marks under a microscope, we could determine where the bottle originated from- which particular lab. Is that correct?" "Yeah," Trowa began. The rest of his reply was clipped off by Quatre. "Duo, Heero, let's say we do that. You mentioned 'test subjects'. What else did you find?" "Rows and rows of people floating in green slime," I said, which was what I'd found. "You have got to be kidding!" Trowa choked out. "They are creating a fountain of youth. Eternal life with your beauty intact." Heero sounded a little strange. I think he was suffering from lack of sleep and stress. Still, I thought I could back him up a little. "If I am right, Lady Une is a lot older than she looks." Zechs swiveled his head, swinging that fine head of luxurious white-blonde hair, and looked at me. "What? What in hell are you two talking about?" "Creating ageless minions." Heero was still a little dreamy there, until he looked my way. "I am sure they had some failures we should examine." "We're gonna have to dig up some bodies, aren't we?" I asked. "Dig up bodies!" Quatre shrieked. Zechs slapped both hands over his mouth. They sat both breathing heavily a few seconds until Quatre settled down. "That's adequate." Trowa pealed Zechs hands away. "Are you under control?" Zechs asked, unconvinced. Quatre blinked then glared, I mean glared like no angel I'd ever seen, at me. with his voice under tight control, he said. "What the Hell, I repeat, what in living Hell-?" "An oxymoron..." Trowa muttered. "A.K.A. Zodiak Island," I whispered back. Tro' and I were cool. "That place is fucking, living hell." Now, I didn't know it was really necessary that WE do the digging up of bodies or what precisely we'd be looking for, but Heero seemed satisfied with my idea. He had nodded to me during Quat's brief mental collapse. I had no clue what we were getting into-- no, that wasn't exactly right. I had no measurement for the depth of shit we were proposing to walk, crawl, and/or dive into, but 'Ro did, I guessed, so it would be okay. "That's where we will perform the exhumation." Heero intoned this like a death knell. "Why? Whose? What are we looking for?" Quatre continued to blather, but since no one was answering, he stopped. "Duo?" I sighed. Since I didn't actually know, I had no answer, so I talked a good roundabout. "There's tons of data for Zechs to plow through there. Why don't we all just go back to wherever you guys are camped out and get some sleep and talk about all this later?" It was far into the wee hours of Friday morning already. And everyone agreed with me. It was cool like a bowling ball wasn't, which made me think about what Heero had said. He'd made a joke about his piloting the plane through the violent storm. Heh, heh... "What's the matter, Duo?" Trowa asked as he parked the car outside some luxury hotel, which Quatre assured us would accommodate the three of us with no problem because he owned the place, heh, heh. And that might have been the first time Trowa learned that little tidbit, because he stumbled getting out of the car. He was very sure-footed, normally. Eh, we were all getting a little punchy. "Well, I'm a bit tired. I haven't really come to grips with the death of my pet fish, and when things seem to be going well, I know that I have obviously overlooked something." "What pet fish?" Trowa asked. "Yeah, ah... there was this guy..." Yeah, Tro. My goldfish Sidney died and Heero made me flush it down the sewers-- I could not get into that story or we'd be standing outside, instead of sleeping inside, all night. That or someone might think I should be arrested for murder, heh, heh... Ugh... I pushed the thought of my having just murdered a man to my fiery little brain's backburner. I'd stew on it and eat shit later. "Hey, I have no more material, all right? I plan to be spontaneous tomorrow." "You are all being incoherent," Zechs declared as he pushed his way to the desk to acquire a key, getting in the last word, well almost. "Speak for yourself!" Heero growled. "I thought I had." And then I dragged Heero away from the towering blond, promising him anything he wanted if he would get us a room. Well, it got us moving fast. We had a room key in no time-- no problem, just as Quatre had promised. (o) The next day I thought we were going to sleep in late and mess around until afternoon, but I was up after only four hours of sleep. I kept track. It may have been that I was unused to sleeping with another person in my bed. I'd had sex, but not slept with... with Ty. I liked holding Duo in just his underwear. I was the only person who could do this now that he was mine, so it felt singularly special. It was all I ever wanted. Just holding Duo while he slept, knowing he was safe and whole. Still, it was much better without the fabric in the way. I was completely nude and as he stirred, I asked him if he wouldn't mind my removing his shorts. "These, off, now." He mumbled "'S'okay" so I tugged the waistband of his underwear down, down, ooh, yeah, pulling them off his legs. Now there was nothing but heat and smooth hardness. I caught his mouth in an urgent kiss and moaned when his hand wound around my erection, stroking with a steady, deliberate pace. It was only when I was trying to think of a way to make him go faster that my brain was capable of remembering I had hands too. They were shaking just a little, but I still managed to make my first stroke firm and deliberate. Duo's hand faltered, and his head tilted back enough that I could pepper kisses over the bared skin as I set my own rhythm, faster and more insistent than his had been. When the other hand started moving again, it was at my pace, strokes just as deliberate, but now aimed at the end result instead of the teasing preliminaries. And I was not about to complain. I lost track of himself in the motions, in the feeling of Duo's skin against my chest, under my palm, sliding over his erection. I lost myself in the taste, in the sounds of our ragged breathing. It was the sight of all that fierce want, desire, and possessiveness that shone within Duo's eyes that finally pushed me over, though. I clung to him, shuddering, trying to remember that I was supposed to make my hand move, but not quite certain I could still feel it in the bright white light of my paradise of pleasure. At least, not until Duo's hand landed over it, guiding the pace, controlling the pressure, until I too came. I just lay panting as I recovered. After a few moments of gentle manhandling, I found myself sitting between Duo's legs, back resting against his chest, both of us looking over the luxuriously appointed room. I'm sure he hadn't noticed it before or he would have commented. He slipped his arms around my waist, and we relaxed as we sat and watched the slight movement of the curtains blowing in the heat from the furnace outlet. "If we split now we can avoid the others," he proposed. But would we still spend another night together, I wondered? "Can we...?" "Oh, yeah," he grinned, "Lots more." "All right." We were sharing the same wavelength. In tune. After that we dressed hurriedly. We wanted to get out without disturbing the others. We wanted a full day to ourselves. Duo jotted a short note explaining our actions, while I called the concierge to arrange for a rental car. Duo, I know, would never have thought of that. It would please him to learn it could be done. He, in fact, listened in attentively as I completed my instructions and hung up the phone. Then waited, his head cocked to the side and arms crossing his chest. "We needed a car," I said simply. I hardly needed to say more. Complicated explanations were not necessary for Duo to understand me. "So you just called the hotel desk? They got those here, too?" Sometimes some explanation was required, though. I tended to think everyone had the same life experiences as I. Duo would need to be filled on this one. "Not the cars, but the means to have one delivered for us. We will need to complete the paperwork downstairs and show a drivers' license for the rental company to hand over the keys." "Oh. Cool." He placed his note under Quatre and Trowa's door on our way out. I don't believe he was disappointed that the car turned out to be ordinary this time. He knew the value of a dollar, his and mine. He liked driving, so I let him take the first turn. I would get my chance later, he said. So, we left Atlas City and the mountains and took a drive through the country to enjoy the first fall colors. "Shall we buy a few apples?" I asked, spotting a farm stand up ahead. The car slowed. "And fresh-roasted peanuts to snack on?" Duo added hopefully. "Sure, that ought to hold us until we find a cozy place to stop for dinner." And peanuts and corn nuts were among the first of his purchases. I was mulling over which honey to buy, when he tapped me on the shoulder and lured me out into the orchard with a wiggling fingertip and a tempting smile. "I don't think they want us violating their apple orchard." "How about each other?" His smile suggested everything I was thinking. There was no one around our private bower so I drew him into a tight embrace. "I'm spoiled. I want cushions, not leaf mulch." "That's okay 'cause as much as I'd love some lovin', I really need one of those say-what's-on-my-mind moments." Oh. I remembered we'd done this before in a different apple grove. I had been so nervous back then, and now? I knew we had put off saying important things, and that I in particular owed him some explanations. He had been so patient. "And what we say won't leave here? All right." "First, I've been thinking about the attacks on me. I've had enemies before, but none that wanted me dead. I want to know why you stuck it out with a killer like Ty." I did, too. I could hardly meet his dark eyes. The blue was so deep I thought I could fall in and just keep going. "Some of my explanation is easy. In the beginning, Odin Lowe was training me to follow in his foot steps, as an assassin." "Jesus, 'Ro! Man... I hope that wasn't the easy part!" "Easy to say. He started me out when I was just a kid, eight maybe? And I was good at it. But then a teacher discovered my artistic bent and put me in art classes and later art shows." "And Ty? Where did he fit in?" "Ty was another adopted kid, older than me and further along in his training. Eventually he decided my artistic talents and sensitivities meant I was gay and proceeded to introduce me to sex." "Aw, 'Ro... And your step-father let him? He never protected you?" I studied my hands, which had climbed to his shoulders, one at a time, skipping the concerned face in between. "Odin was killed. I was powerless. I was forced." Duo's fingers dug into my waist. What I caught of his expression was nearly frantic with concern. "S-so you may not be gay? Heero! Look me in the eye and tell me, honestly, how you feel." No! I did not want to bring into question what Duo and I had. "What I feel is unbelievable it is so intense and in the past it would have been unimaginable that it could happen to me-- that you could happen to me. I love you so completely and I know it would have been impossible a couple years ago." His relief was so evident as he relaxed into me, that I continued saying the things I had not thought I would be able to, and, remarkably, opening my heart to him was not the painful process I had anticipated. "Before I saw you walk into the coffee shop, I was numb." His fingers patted and kneaded my hips offering me the healing power of his touch. "I know that feeling." That's right, he had lost his lover. Would he ever tell me about that? "Ty's control over me was numbing. I had no will of my own. I just submitted to him, to sex, just to get it over with as fast as possible." "How--?" but even Duo failed to find words to help. He just leaned into me, warming me. I smoothed his hair over his ears needing to touch and soothe him back. "My feelings were not a consideration, ever. I learned to cut myself off from what was going on, until I could stand it no longer." "That's when you moved to Sanc?" "Eventually, but first I returned to Zodiac Island off and on as a teenager, saving to get my own place, producing work, lining up jobs, and avoiding Ty as much as possible. As soon as I was making a good living from my art, enough to have an apartment downtown, I made my escape. I covered my tracks, changed phones, hid my identity. And then I found the coffee shop with the perfect lighting." I smiled as he smiled. "And I lost my heart one morning when you walked in the door. I made it a point to arrive a little earlier than you from there on out." "Heh, heh... yeah and by saying charming things like that you think I might let an opportunity pass to get you to spill? I should make you explain the Zodiac Island visit we just had." "Zechs asked me to gather the information. He paid for the room and transportation in exchange." "But why? What's his connection?" "He told me that if what I brought back was what he was looking for, he would explain it all." "And that was okay with you? You guys don't seem very chummy. You really trusted him that much?" "He vowed to tell me everything on his military service honor. That I trust.' "Oh, well... I guess I can just dismiss everything a little longer." His somber tone told me he could not forget everything try as he like. "It was self-defense. Not murder." "You knew what I was thinking about." "I know you value life and would not take away one without feeling something. I was happy you slept last night." "Yeah, well... I'll get the nasty nightmares yet." "Not on my shift," I assured him. His smile widened, becoming a little sly. "Funny 'bout those bad dreams, ya know? They can sneak up any night I'm alone." All right, I jumped right into that one and took him up on the offer. "Then I will have to make sure you never sleep alone." "Thatta promise?" He was daring me, I could tell. How serious we both were, I was less certain. "Is that what you want?" I countered. I trusted him, but was it to soon to be suggesting moving in together? His eyes started at my feet and moved upwards, ending at my eyes, scanned to the last pixel. "I want lots of things, mostly selfishly. When I can tell you about myself, then I'm ready. Does that make sense to you?" It did. "We both have rather mysterious pasts. We shouldn't rush into anything, especially with damaged souls." "Damaged souls? Yeah, that's us, I guess. Um, I need a moment to think...alone, 'kay?" "All right." I found a stump to rest on and watched while Duo nosed around the outskirts of the orchard. I admired his lithe body undulating beneath his clothes, especially since I could picture him naked. My infatuation was getting out of control. Duo looked so good walking under the golden maples, that it made my heart flutter to watch him. "Hey, 'Ro?" And as the sun rose, casting long, purple shadows across the pumpkin patch, his dusky pants, shirt, and hair melded into the landscape, mysteriously disappearing. Frogs piped their mating calls and geese honked beyond the trees where a river flowed. The water called to me as if in my past I had been a part of its life, just as Duo called out to me. My breath caught and I shivered. In my heart I wanted to believe we were meant for each other. I wanted to be with him all the time and hear his voice and feel his touch, and that could pose a future a problem. What if Ty were to get serious in his attacks on him and I were to lose Duo? "I'm over here." He reappeared carrying a handful of acorns. He was polishing them between his fingers as he approached. The sun broke through a cleft in the mountain range and washed him in a thin veil of misty light. As he looked up, his amethyst-colored eyes caught mine, and he smiled. The warmth welling up inside nearly made me burst with joy. I really needed his goodness. That's when a strong arm drew me into a warm hug. "Ummm, are you cold, or was that a shiver of delight? No, you must be chilled with just that t-shirt. Funny, isn't it? Wasn't it only a week ago that we were sweltering and now the mornings are cold? Oh my," he gasped slightly, "are you trying to squeeze all the air out of me?" "Just shut up," I murmured into his chest, "and hold me." I couldn't help but tremble, experiencing all over again the rush of excitement I felt at his touch. He needed me too, I was certain, and that made my neediness all more equal and acceptable. He pulled back, but kept contact through our clasped hands. "What'sup?" I shook my head. I tugged gently and we made our way toward the car. "Pretty awesome place, huh? Love this time of year. We'll get some apples and plums. Those oval ones are sweet. Oh, here, take these." He poured the acorns into my jacket pocket. "I know you're always looking for things to draw." How could I sort my jumble of thoughts into words? There was one way that I knew of. "I love you." His eyes grew impossibly large and his breath hitched. "Oh!" "I wish you had your house out here. I'd visit you everyday." He grabbed my arm and stared hard at me. "I'm still working on the first part." I knew he meant the "I love you" part. We retained eye contact. I heard a dog bark, car pull off the road, drive over the gravel to the farm stand, but my eyes were lost in Duo's. "I love you, too. It's like nothing I thought I'd ever have, this connection, ya know?" "Yes. I feel it too." And then I could not help myself. I kissed him. I should have waited. "Fuckin' queers." Both Duo and I jumped apart like a spark had ignited between us, and not the nice sexual one. A man with a hunting dog in the back of his pickup truck stood glaring at us. The dog whined and shuffled to get out, probably to take in a "bite" of the action. "Getcher faggot eyes offa me." Duo's hackles rose. I wanted to stop him, but his mouth was already open. "Then keep yours offa us. Ya know—" I groaned because this was where things could go very bad—right after he said the "ya know" part. "--the number one thing that heterosexuals need to know about gay people is... Relax, we don't want you!" The man froze and for a second I calculated the time it would take for me to run to the car for my gun and back and decided Duo and I could take out both him and his dog without it. I would have to position myself in front of Duo and a handful of those acorns would harden my fist for a maximum physically powerful punch. All this was unnecessary because the man had already turned away to release his dog for a walk, muttering "Nothin' wrong with me." "C'mon," Duo said, tapping my shoulder. "I want that fruit." When it was time to leave, we drove the long, leisurely route back to town, and tossed our apple cores out the window. We stopped for dinner at a roadside diner, where we both ordered burgers and milkshakes, mine vanilla and his strawberry. I had onion rings and Duo had French fries. I realized then that I had not once glanced at my watch that day. My need to manage every minute of my day diminished in Duo's presence. Every minute was an adventure and a pleasure just because he was a part of my life. I wanted the day to never end. "Stay with me," he said. I knew we would not end up at his place, but it was nice for him to start the bargaining. "Do you think we should find a Motel?" We didn't want to spend money on a motel room but we definitely wanted to have another night sharing a bed together. "That means the palace tonight, you realize." What other choice was left? "Okay, we'll stay at your place, if you can sneak me in without shocking the royal residents." Duo had to relent because his place was not suitably romantic, as he put it. "I should be able to do that." And I should have, had Relena not scheduled a press conference to discuss one of her charities for that very night. We missed the extra cars parking up the front approach and the side parking lot, because we'd turned in the rental and taken a cab to the palace. The cab left us at the back gate and we entered through the servant's entrance, pass the guard, and right into Miss Charlene Cavanaugh of the local television network. "I am so lost here. Can you help me find my way back from the bathroom?" She took a better look at Duo, who had moments earlier wrenched his braid out of my hands. I don't think I had a problem, but he thought I might. I liked to fondle his braid. A subconscious thing. "Oh! I know you." She meant Duo. She did not know me. "You are the Maxwell of Maxwell Funeral house. I didn't see you at the festivities earlier." "Musta missed the cocktails," he said coolly. But it charmed her and she laughed. "I'm Miss (I couldn't miss the flirtatious emphasis) Charlene Cavanaugh of the WSNC television network. And this is--?" Now she was curious about me. "Heero," I supplied. "Heero Yuy? The artist! Oh, my. Relena was raving about you and the show she's creating of your work." I was about to object when Zechs rounded the corner. "What are you doing here?" I could have reminded him that I lived here, but Charlene played go-between reporter. "How sly. And you said he wouldn't be attending." She turned to me and added for good measure, "Well, she just adores you." "Yeah," Duo said, stepping another foot further away from me. Under my breath I muttered, "She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was room-temperature prime beef." I musta said that louder than I thought, because Zechs nearly lost his balance he laughed so hard, causing a man carrying an on-the-scene-with-Charlene video cam to stumble. Hopefully cameraman-guy hadn't caught what I'd said. "I could interview the both of you, too," she offered. The cameraman closed in on the two of us, an attractive opening clip. "Well, that depends," Duo said in all mock seriousness. "Do you know how many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?" "Ah..." She had no idea where this conversation was leading. "Three." He smiled that supremely pleased smile of his. "One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare." Before she could laugh politely he went on, "Of course..." Duo took a couple steps toward the backstairs, and paused. The corner of his mouth turned up, he looked slyly over his shoulder, gauged his timing, and then finished his thought. "It depends on whether it has health insurance." Charlene and her crew laughed nervously. It was late; they were clustered inside a narrow hallway with a young mortician telling weird jokes. Duo's unorthodox braid and sense of humor took the stock-beautiful people by surprise. But then so did Zechs. "None," Zechs said. "Doctors only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary." His eyes glittered; he was pleased with his joke. "Well, they might do something." Duo pretended to look offended. "They could tell it to take two aspirin and come 'round to the surgery later. Or... they could diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines." My turn. "But the better question is: How many undertakers does it take to change a light bulb?" "That's easy," Duo said with a chuckle. "None. They'd just paint them black and go on using them." Again, the cameraman laughed partly at the jokes but mostly at the comical delivery. Miss Charlene was so stunned I walked right past her, following Duo to the staircase without another word. My progress was impeded and my nerves rattled by the sound of Relena's siren call. "Heero! You're here!" Relena entered the crowded hallway. "I wondered what all the commotion was about. Why don't you come into the parlor? I have so many people for you to meet. Oh. Duo." That last part sounded sodden with disappointment. I noticed she carried a pad of sticky notes and pens and an idea painted in my mind. "May I?" I reached for the notes and pen. She was too surprised to say no and watched as I scribbled "demon be gone!" in Japanese. I ripped off the talisman and stuck it to her forehead. I wondered why I had not tried this trick on her before. Simple, but would it work? In a fit of caprice, I made another flourish to anoint Zechs with a twin o-fuda. Something worked. Her face lit as if enlightened by angels. "What an absolutely adorable idea for your modern art exhibition. Everyone gets a yellow sticky to walk around with—a Yuy original to take home!" And if that moment had not been surreal enough, the next surpassed my experiences with the power of o-fuda. Her glow encompassed her brother, his gray-blue eyes preternaturally bright. I thought he might ignite, but instead he smiled and said to me, "Carl Jung once said, and I quote, 'Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious.'" Duo was always at cross purposes with the occult, I think. He just cut through the magic. "Yeah, well, as one of my fav fantasy writers, Terry Pratchett, once wrote, 'Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.' And you oughtta know I'm like the God of Death. I'm not afraid of the dark." He topped that off with a wink to Charlene and ascended the stairs, leaving me to follow with as brave a front as he had.
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