|
"Greeting Cards"Written By: Kaeru Shisho Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing
or its characters, nor do I make any monetary profit off this story. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Yaoi, funeral practices, AU, fluff Pairings: 1+4, 1x2x1, 3+H, 5xH, 3x4, 6x9 Summary: Each chapter is based on Heero’s
greeting cards and Duo's mortuary. "Greeting Cards "
Chapter 14 -- Note Cards, Part 1 . "Wanna ride?" I think maybe I did, but not on Trowa's new motorcycle. I looked over the bike with little interest, but let my eyes linger on the strong thighs pressed against the rumbling engine. Trowa was like no one I'd ever seen before, and yet he was. That sounded silly, I know, but there was something familiar-feeling about him and special. I felt comfortable instantly in his company and not a little turned on. By the way he peered at me from under his bangs, his real barrier, and gave me that infinitesimal smile—he knew. Plus when I let it, I could feel his desire for me and his curiosity. But since using my empathic gifts was a little like cheating at the game of love, I honestly tried to shut them all off, and leave all my friends' most intimate feelings hidden, and believe me that was hard. The temptation to sneak peeks was terribly strong. Trowa revved his motor, and mine purred in tandem. (o) Right from the start, I felt a magnetic charge from Trowa that hit below the belt. It was not a magnificent time to fall in lust, because I was dating Duo at the time and he was dating Duo's friend Hilde. I didn't even know if he would be interested in dating another guy or not. Oh, and to make things more complicated, Duo hired Trowa to work for him, putting him too far down on that unavailable list. Still, Duo sensed something happening between us. I know, because some time after Hilde started dating Detective Chang, and very close to the time of our breakup, Duo felt the need to comment about Trowa. "Quatre, the guy has the hots for you. He digs guys." "He dated Hilde, who's a girl." "That he did. So, maybe he's bi. More choices that way, right? Heh, heh..." Duo waved away that problem. "Get to know him and ask him. Oh, and you might as well know he lost most his memories in some freak accident." "He WHAT?" "Eh, on second thought, better get 'Tro to tell you 'bout that." And as soon as Duo and I broke up (not that I was as unfeeling and heartless about that then as I sound, but I don't want to get into that now), I intended to I ask Trowa out. To my surprise, he called me first, and asked if I had a free moment to talk. I made one. One skipped graduate seminar wouldn't kill me, right? When we met for coffee at an on-campus shop, what I learned was that he had a sense of humor that you might miss, and if you did it could sneak up and bite you on the ass. I had decided not to waste time and asked him directly, "Are you seeing anyone?" And he answered, completely straight-faced, "I'm looking at you, aren't I?" I probably turned eight shades of red gradating from pink to burgundy. "I mean...dating. Are you dating anyone?" "You," he said without missing a beat, "I thought." And left me speechless, breathless, and, well, that adds up to dumbstruck. I was so off-balance that I choked on my skinny latte vanilla mocha and made a mess. While I mopped up, he kept smiling enigmatically and supplying me with napkins. I babbled out a weak "Oh, well, yes, of course. I see. I wasn't sure. Um..." "Duo told me about the break up," he told me. "He did? Oh, well, good." I guessed this was Trowa asking me how I was getting over Duo. "It went well." That sounded cold and Trowa's expression told me so. "I meant to say it was a mutual thing. We're still friends. Good friends. Just not, ah, boyfriends." I tried to drink more coffee and nearly smothered myself when I dipped my nose into the foam. He wiped off the foam with his finger. "You're okay then?" he asked. "I can breathe, yes." But he meant about the breakup, and so the conversation went. The first "date" was a little shaky, and I was a little worried until he asked, "Can I see you again?" I couldn't even pretend to be cool. "Yes! Tomorrow?" "Okay, after work, but don't you have a discussion group to lead?" He knew my schedule! "I don't always have to lead." I smiled and, yeah, I felt the special connection. The next dates were nice. Nice. Platonic, not even a kiss! He liked his distance and since I knew he'd dated at least one girl before, I felt as if he was just trying me out. I suddenly understood what Duo must have felt dating me. Trowa was polite, funny, thoughtful, intelligent, and totally avoided sexual contact. I could sense his discomfort and avoided discussing the nature of the problem. I didn't know if he was gay or bi, except for what Duo had said, or if he'd had ay experience, or forgotten it! There I was, ready to take that next step, and this time it was the other guy pulling the rug out from under me. Me! Winners are made of tough material. I would win this man over. I so would. We connected on a deeper level when I took him to my condo for that séance. We did end up at my place partially because it was within walking distance from the palace. That could have been a wonderful exchange of personal information and sharing of feelings, but it had been more tortuous than anything else. Still, he had made some progress toward recovering his memories, and that was the point of the visit after all. He invited me to help him shop, although I thought 'clothes, yay!' and he meant 'hotter than hell motorcycle', but one thing led to another and we agreed on a weekend trip. And then he called later and upgraded that to a long weekend. I alerted him to some play rehearsal of Duo's we would have to get back for but what did that matter in light of An Overnight! That meant going from zero to a double overnight... maybe a triple! We'd get to fool around someplace romantic. (o) "Well? What do you want to do?" Trowa asked again. That look of boyish expectation upgraded with some real masculine sexuality just charmed me off my game. "I'd like nothing better than a little ride on your motorcycle—with you." "You helped me pick it out." "I just chose the color. You are a green sort of man, not red." I had also approved of his make selection. You can't go wrong with a BMW of any kind. "Green? Okay," he said. We always agreed in the end. Mmmm. I removed his little bundle of personal items and set them aside. Then I hopped astride, pressed up closer to his back than necessary, wrapped my arms around his waist to "hold on", and announced "ready!" hoping he'd get the message; I had wanted no mixed messages about my intentions. I was ready. I was interested. We'd have sex some place romantic tonight. I would have been in his arms before we got past his apartment door, had he taken me there. Instead, we buzzed around the block a couple times and returned to the driveway of my condo. "If we're going further, like to the dunes, you'll need to wear the helmet. But... I don't see your bag, so I figure you've changed your mind about the weekend?" I cheated and sampled his emotions. Oh, he suffered from lust. I had nothing to worry about in that department, but he was holding back. He was the uncertain one. We'd have sex some place romantic. Right? You bet we would, despite his reservations. I would make those misgivings disappear in no time. Of that I was certain. Even though he had seemed to understand perfectly what an overnight invitation implied when we'd talked on the phone, including bringing a change of clothes and toothbrush, now it seemed that he hadn't gotten past the 'bouncing over the dunes' part, as opposed to the bouncing around on a springy mattress. But, when he'd called to tell me he'd have a few extra days, I knew it had to be far more special and constructive than that. I decided that we could hunt for his past in the L3 area and have some excitement. I just knew he would love this and recovering those lost memories would do him a world of good. I was so certain this plan was splendid, that I had made all the arrangements. Then I got busy with my course work, grading papers, drafting my next assignment. There just wasn't time to talk. So, it came down to now to surprise him with the extra special weekend plans. "I'd love a ride, but for the distance we're going, I'd like to take my car." Trowa's eyes slid to the jaunty little red Mazda Miata I had had been resting against. "We're not going through the L4 desert, I take it." "No, I have a better idea, since we have extra time. Clubbing in L3." I smiled shyly to correspond with his uncertain near-smile, and then added the punch line: "You can drive." That brought a genuine smile to Trowa's lips. I knew he didn't have his own car, so he never had the opportunity to drive one. The cycle was new and I know he was proud of it, but I could tell he was pleased to get his hands on my sports car. "Oh, yeah? Cool, thanks." He folded his arms over his chest. "It never occurred to you to ask me first? I didn't exactly pack clubbing clothes." "I've taken care of all that, so don't worry, and if you don't like what I picked out, we can buy new clothes. That could be fun, too!" Trowa concentrated on something in the distance. I think he was trying to judge the distance to Nova City. He often weighed his thoughts before speaking, too, which I considered to be a sign of maturity. I thought I'd augment what I'd just said and give him more to muse upon. "If we leave now, we'll get there in time for a late lunch. Then, we can check into the hotel, freshen up, change, and hit the streets!" It was a perfect plan. "You made all the arrangements already?" "Yes. I thought of everything." Now he would get the opportunity to see what an accomplished man I was. I was brilliant. "Well. Let's get going." He seemed raring to go, but first, I showed him where to store his bike and we secured it in the garage. "This will be fun!" I tossed him the car keys, loaded the back with our luggage, and then climbed into the passenger seat. "You can ask to borrow it anytime, you know." Trowa just nodded. I think I embarrassed him. I doubted he would have the nerve to ask for some time. I directed him to the right highway, and then plugged in a CD. It wasn't long before we were singing along to the eclectic mix of tunes, and shortening the boring drive. The sky was clear, the road dry, and all was well with the world. He slipped through the gears like a race driver, which made me think that he must have had a car of his one at one time. I didn't want to start prying so soon, so I complimented him on his shirt because it was the color of my eyes and seriously embarrassed him. "We've skipped every turn off, so I take it we're headed directly for Nova City." "Yes! Is that okay with you?" If he had any reservations about going there, it wasn't too late for me to change plans. That's what cell phones are for! "Yeah, I haven't been there in a while." "I have a sister there. Of course, I could probably locate a sister anyplace we went!" "Is that so?" "I have 29 sisters. Lab babies." "No shit. No wonder you steer clear of girls." God, I loved his sense of humor! We had miles to go and plenty of time to fill with meaningful conversation neither of us could run away from. I had always been the younger bother or cousin and bossed around by all the other people in my life, so I looked forward to being the leader. And, since Trowa preferred to avoid most social contacts and stay within his own head, and since there were topics we needed to discuss, I would begin. I thought it was funny that it was he who jumped in first. "Heero's taking Duo away this weekend." "Is he? Well, that's nice. Duo works too hard." "Yeah, he does. Good boss, though." "Is he? That's good. So, where are they going?" "Zodiac Island." I couldn't believe that. "Of all places! Expensive, austere, and remote. It doesn't sound like a Duo kind of place to me. I suppose Heero might have chosen it, though." "I think Zechs had more to do with it." "Zechs Merquise? How odd." "Not really. He has some connection there." Trowa gave me a quick look but there was no doubt that he was trying to decide whether or not I could be trusted. "Trowa, I want to help you recover your lost memories, to help you anyway I can. Since we had that little...séance... has something more happened?" (o) The séance was hardly that. I do not commune with the dead. I do not read the minds of the living. I read feelings, the stronger the clearer, as an empath. I tried so hard not to 'read' Trowa, despite my curiosity about him. I really liked him, but we were both men and I didn't even know if he was bi or gay. I didn't know why he had dated Hilde or if he had had any other relationships with men or women. All I had to go on was that Trowa had said he was 'seeing' me, so I let that comfort me. Since I imagined he had similar questions about me, I decided to open the can of worms, starting with my dating Duo. "Does it bother you that we dated?" "Depends." That was all he said. I was afraid I'd have to kick him if he wasn't more forthcoming. "On-?" I urged gently. "On whether or not you and Duo ever, you know. How serious you got." "Do you want me to tell you?" "No, well, yeah. Depends." That I understood to mean that he didn't want to hear about our wild nights of sexual bliss, and since there were none I was safe in telling him the truth. I had tried with Duo. I did try to entice him when we first met at the restaurant, not that I had to try too hard. "I didn't stint on friendship or affection-- what I could give." Trowa did have something to say about my analysis. "You sure about that?" "Still, he really wanted more and I wasn't ready to give it." Because I was falling for you. I knew I was right not to have sex with him. And...I knew I was right when I met Trowa Barton. And I knew I was right when I saw the way Heero studied Duo. "I knew I was right when Duo broke up with me." "Duo figured you'd engineered the break up." "I was doing the right thing." "I'm not saying you weren't." "I know it wasn't a bright spot for either of us, but I thought it was important at the time that Duo be the one to break up. I knew he wouldn't deal with rejection well. I could feel it. I had no ego problems associated with parting, but I could feel them pouring off Duo like a fountain of angst." Trowa smiled ruefully. "Well, there's no reason why you should have ego problems." Taking that as a compliment, as backhanded as it was, I blushed accordingly. Duo was cute and sexy, but the feeling I got from him paled when compared to the rise I got from Trowa. It wasn't that Duo was too unrefined for me. I'm not a snob, I don't think. He and I just weren't a good fit. He was too frenetic at times and other times troubled and other times needing more than I could give. He pushed the mental shields I erected to protect myself from his Tsunami-like wash of emotional overload. I'm certain Duo had no idea what he did to me. I'm sure Trowa did. "Oh, I have some failings." "Not many, according to him." Just lack of sexual interest in him, the self-esteem killing failing. "Well, Duo was being very charitable, then." "So you were...close?" Trowa wanted to know if Duo and I had had sex, of course. He and Duo were friends, worker and employer. Dating me was probably awkward for him, especially since I had been attracted to Trowa while I was still dating Duo and even though I hadn't pursued Trowa or done anything wrong, I felt a little guilty now-- and maybe Trowa did too. "Oh, well, in some ways, but not intimate. Nothing like that, really," I said in a nervous rush of words. So much for open and easy. Suddenly my inexperience caught up to me as Trowa's gaze penetrated my superficial act. Sometimes I simply wanted to avoid dealing with how I felt. I had denied being gay as long as possible. I denied myself romance. No more. The stronger the feelings, the more painful when they weren't returned. "Our relationship was stagnating and Duo was unsatisfied with that. So was I. When I examinee how I honestly felt about Duo, and I did this over and over, I came to the sad conclusion that I wanted and needed his respect and friendship more than the sexual experience." At this point I was feeling like it was time to stop the chatting about me and get down to business, which was supposed to be séance to uncover Trowa's secrets, not mine. Trowa, however looked rapt, fascinated by all the information. Well, it was little wonder. I wasn't holding back. "That was it?" he asked. "I never... neither of us were the type to sleep around with just anybody." "I didn't think you were." Trowa smiled fractionally, then like a wink it was gone. "I didn't want that kind of bond with Duo. And especially not, knowing how Heero felt about him. If Duo and Heero could become interested in each other...? I was happy that my friend could be so lucky. And, I have to admit, I was secretly pleased because it freed me up to explore my own feelings." For you, I thought, but didn't say aloud. No messy explanations. So, I should be able to talk to Trowa about this. Grow some balls, Quatre Raberba Winner! "Duo and I would have made great brothers under different circumstances. He was my first boyfriend." Oh, dear. Why had that confession made me blush? Please don't look at me, Trowa. Keep your dreamy hazel eyes on the road. "That's what he said." "I never had, you see...at all...ever." "That's okay. There's a first for everyone, whether they remember it or not. Although, it's hard to believe other men left you alone." He shot me another measuring gaze that caused the blood to rush to my face, again. "You attract attention." "With a name like Winner, they did. And I was for all intent and purposes straight. I-I was rather popular with the girls, at one time." I stopped when he looked askance at me. "I have dozens of sisters so I understand the female mind." "Uh, huh. I bet you were popular. Rich and good looking." "I liked dressing well and taking care of myself. I liked girls to pay attention to me. That seemed, well, natural. But I was aware that I liked it more when guys noticed me, not that any asked me out and I was too shy to ask any out. I really wasn't into dating anyone for the longest time, and then one day, I thought Duo was the hottest but most discrete guy in the woods to start with." "So you dated Duo?" "He was unsure of himself, too--" "Yeah, coming out is intimidating. He was upset about being outted," Trowa interrupted. "He muttered about how his customers were going to react around work. Sorry, go on." "Oh, that's okay. What you said was true. That was all my fault. I thought he was openly gay, so when I tried being open, about coming out and all, I outted him, too. I felt bad for doing that, but I couldn't fix it. I didn't mean to hurt Duo, ever." It was definitely time to move on and hypnotize Trowa, delve into his murky past, find his sensitive points, but no, he was back with more questions. It was almost as if he was trying to avoid the séance. "Heero didn't say anything to you?" "You mean like 'Shove off and give me a shot at him?' No, he didn't have to, did he?" We both laughed. I was relieved to have the worst of the grilling over with. "He's intense." "He's that and more. Once I realized how my feelings for—" I couldn't very well just blurt out how attracted I was to Trowa, not yet. "I mean... well, when I saw Duo falling for Heero, I knew what had to happen. I gave them a push and a head start. Once left on their own, magic happened. It worked. Duo broke up with me; I'm sure he told you that. I thought it was important not to dump him, you know?" Trowa nodded. "Sorry to tell you this, but he felt the rejection. Being turned down for sex is tough." "But you understand why I did that? I didn't love him; Heero did. And they started going out after that. Duo thinks he was the one behind getting me to ask you out or getting you to ask me out. Whichever. And that was good for him, too, don't you think so?" "Yeah," Trowa lowered his voice to add, "Duo seems real happy with Heero. He's still a whack job, but that's cool." "Who wouldn't be with a job like that?" But Trowa had a job 'like that', too! "Being in charge and all?" Forgive me? "I don't blame him. It takes a certain type." Trowa riveted me to my chair with his intensity for a moment, daring me to make him defend his job. "Now that he spends more time with Heero, Duo's gotten goofier. But mostly I respect him and how he has to buffer me and Zechs apart." I liked that Trowa could recognize how Heero had changed Duo. I was feeling good about how the conversation was going, and then he blindsided me with: "It's just been bothering me for a while, thinking that us meeting one another had something to do with your breakup with Duo." And that was what I'd wanted to avoid. Who was the empath? "Maybe our meeting contributed a little, but so did the advent of Heero. No one was left out." I think that admission was a turning point. Trowa could forgive himself for falling for me, if just a little - I didn't know how much yet. He could feel like he wasn't dating the guy who broke his boss's heart. Trowa, in fact, knew a lot more about where he stood with me than I did about him. He didn't offer up any of his deepest secrets, though, and it was getting late, so I didn't push. Not this time. I'd learn about him later. It was after that we got down to business, and I attempted to hypnotize Trowa. My sister, Iria, was the best at real hypnosis in my family. I dabbled, but when combined with the empathy, I could cause a person to relax and draw out memories, but the memories had to be there and I didn't know if Trowa's problems with caused by a permanent physical injury or a temporary, even psychological, one. Regardless, we didn't learn much. Trowa recalled making a significant discovery relating to a woman called Leia. He couldn't remember what it was he'd discovered, and he wasn't sure about the name, admitting that her name could have come to mind because Zechs had brought up her name at work. As I said, we didn't learn much. Trowa told me about a girl who had died and come in for burial. He said her name, Mariemaia, was a familiar one and that her death should be a vital piece of some puzzle. I felt so helpless and unable to supply much reassurance to him that the puzzle in his head was getting any closer to a solution. The last thing he revealed was the strangest to me. He was muttering incoherently, about to come out of the hypnotic state and then he blurted out, and I quote, "the White Fang knife had been mine." Later when I discussed all the things he'd said to me, I advised him not to say anything about the knife to the others. "We aren't sure it's a fact or not. None of what we've learned here is reliable information." "If I remember something that proves I ever had a knife like that, though, I go to Chang," he said. "Talk to Duo first and if that knife is part of some investigation, especially a murder one, then you get a lawyer. I have a sister, who's a very good one." We ended the séance on that chilling note. Trowa let me drive him to his apartment, which is how I knew he liked my car because he massaged the leather seat with one hand. I thought he might kiss me when he got out. He hesitated, but thanked me instead and left. (0) "You mean, has anything related to me cropped up at the morgue where I work?" Trowa nodded. "Lots has happened at the morgue. Most you don't want to hear about, but I can get you up to date on the stuff that relates to Zechs. All this creepy shit started up about the time he showed up to 'volunteer.'" We had a little less than an hour of climb into the mountains left to our drive and for all our talking, I hadn't been able to learn much more about Trowa or his feelings for me or his expectations for this weekend. But, if I could get him to bring me up to date on his work, I would consider that to be progress. "Well, if it relates to you, I want to know about it," I told him. "And if we can figure out why Heero and Duo went to that island instead of some nice mountain retreat, that would be interesting." "Okay. There's Dekim Barton, for beginners." "B-Barton? That's your name! Is he a relative? Do you know him?" Trowa shook his head. "I don't think it's coincidental by a large margin, but I've got nothing more to go on. Anyway, we autopsied him and it's pretty likely that he was killed by a dude named Marshall Noventa, who we met as another corpse special of the day." "I wonder under whose orders?" I mused a moment. "Did you ask Catherine about the Dekim guy, if she knew of him?" "She didn't know anything. Except that she brought me my birth certificate a few day ago. My father's name was right. My mother's name was not what had been on the one I'd ever seen and...my name was Tristan Bloom on the birth certificate. It was changed to Trowa Barton by the time I was taken to the circus. I don't know who was responsible for that, and she doesn't either." "Oh." That was a lot to absorb. "Maybe it wasn't the right birth certificate." "It was, but I don't want to go into that now." "Oh, okay." "Just has to do with the hospital records at the time I was injured." "That's okay. There's more, right? I mean, besides the name that you think links you to this Dekim Barton man?" "Yeah. He was shot at close range in the back of the head execution style, before his body was found in tank of water. He and his car found in Voyate lab site." "Hmm, we should look into Voyate labs. I've heard of them. I think they are a subsidiary of Winner Corp, in fact, so it would be easy for me to look into them." I smiled feeling useful again. "What else?" "He swallowed a gold chain and medallion that both Chang and Zechs says links him with White Fang. I recognized the jewelry, but that was it. I couldn't remember where I'd seen them before." He pounded on the steering wheel, his frustration showing. "Everything that had happened around the time of some accident is a blank, including the accident." "It isn't unusual for someone who has suffered from some awful trauma to have memory losses. It's a way your mind and body deal with it." "Yeah... so I've been told." "Have you been told you'll get better?" I asked. "Yeah, and it comes back in flashes." "Well, is there more you ca tell me? Maybe going over the facts will help." "Could be. So there was a girl who came in, dead. Zechs ID'ed her as Mariemaia Barton-Khushrenada." "Another Barton connection!" "Yeah, and there's thought that she was killed by Noventa. I don't know where Chang's gotten with that." "So, what do you know about Marshal Noventa? Or is that out of your hands?" "Oh, we got to meet him hands on. Noventa came in, actually Zechs and Duo brought him in, burned to a crisp. The man had been murdered with one or more stabs with a knife and left in the back seat of a car. Then, some two weeks later, someone came back and set fire to the car, maybe in the hope of getting rid of the corpse, or creating the impression he had died in an automobile accident." "How did you know who he was then?" "He had decipherable work ID on him. Zechs traced it to—" "Let me guess, OZ Penitentiary and Asylum." "Good guess. The dude failed to show up for work one morning, and he was listed as 'not in attendance' but not reported missing by his employer, which isn't any real surprise." "Nothing would surprise me now. This is getting very mysterious, Trowa." "I faxed Detective Chang a copy of Marshal Noventa's prints on record at the penitentiary. They keep records of many things there, dental records too. Chang can do the work to link Noventa to Dekim Barton's death, say fingerprints on Dekim's car, and the girl, too." He stopped at an intersection. "Looks like we're almost inside the Nova city boundaries. Anyway, I figured there was a link from this Marshal Noventa guy to Barton when the knife found in the car with Noventa, was determined by blood and bone scrapes to be the one that killed him. And the knife was a White Fang ceremonial dagger embossed with their wolf canine insignia." "Oh! So whoever killed Noventa used that knife and was either part of White Fang or they used it to implicate them and left it as evidence." "It was a plant, for sure." Then I remembered what Trowa had told me while hypnotized. "You recognized the knife!" "I'm pretty sure it was mine at one time." Trowa said. "And the jewelry that Dekim Barton had swallowed, that was yours, too?" "Not that I know of, but I had seen it before. It's White Fang, too, I'm guessing. And Zechs is a part of White Fang." "I thought Zechs was nice. He's not?" "Depends on what side you're on. We'll talk about it another time," Trowa said in that tone of voice that ends the topic. I took the hint and took the conversation down a different path. "Not everyone is how they seem, I know." "You're nice. I can tell that." "Oh? Thanks, but I wasn't always. There was a time when I thought I could just go out there and take what I wanted..." my voice faded. "Shallow, that was me. But getting to know Duo changed that, I think. He was so genuine. He deserved more and better. So did I." I let my eyes linger on Trowa's face hoping he'd get the point that I meant him. I wanted to know for sure what he thought of me, about me actually, but I wasn't going to cheat-test how he felt. I wanted him to open up and tell me. I smiled and said. "Now, I have character. That's what all this is, right? Character-building gayness. A true test of a friend is who will like me in spite of my sexual orientation." "More of a test is who can stand that attitude of yours, dude." Trowa's eyes creased in that way he has when he's suppressing a laugh. I punched him lightly to show I could play along too, although I sensed that he meant what he'd said, too. "Here's a clue: being gay won't protect you. It might repel some people, but attract others, not always desirables. Be prepared to be fawned over just for your looks, because you will be. It will make your life even more confusing." I returned his half smile. "That will be okay. That kind of problem I can deal with, as long I have something real to believe in." Like you. I flashed him my most sincere smile. Trowa shook his head and changed CDs. "If you say so." He laughed a deep rumbling laugh that I could listen to over and over. "Funny guy." I grumbled. Actually, I wasn't the least bit mad. I was relieved and grateful for the conversation. It helped get my feelings out in the open. Trowa could become my closest confidant at this rate. What I wanted was to become his, and that was something new to me. I didn't just want him to want me, I wanted him to want to be with me and to trust me. And I wanted him to want me, too, but that was secondary. We listened to the next song, and then I tried again to talk him and draw him out. "At first, I thought maybe you and Hilde had been going out together for some time, so I wasn't sure if you were available, or gay." This had been bothering me for some time. I didn't want to be his sexual-preference testing ground. I wanted to be his choice. "We went out clubbing a couple times." "Was that it? A couple dates? But...why?" Why Hilde? Why a girl? "It's safer to go out with the ladies." He smiled knowingly at that. "I met her at the Valentine dance at the hospital where I was working. She was with Duo and didn't let me near him." "Oh, I see." But not much, except that I'd come in third after Hilde and Duo. As if he knew I wasn't satisfied he added, "We never got past the 'tickle and kiss' stage, actually." "Mmmm," I would think about that. "I think I'm bi, Quatre, if that's what you want to know. I don't date much in any case. I don't know what my preferences were, who I dated, what I did prior to three or four years ago. For all I know I'm married!" The blood fled my face. I hadn't thought of any of that. I must have made a strangled little cry, because his eyes left the road for a second as he glanced over at me "Probably not, though," he said with a glimmer in his eyes, "since no one's come looking for me. And Catherine's positive I'm not. She says she remembers me being a loner and a busy student hanging with a few geeks. I can't imagine me being any kind of a player." "Yeah," I dipped my chin to hide my pleasure. He shared something private with me and I could have burst with delight. "Lost memories or not, I don't think your personality could change that drastically. Still, it's good to hear it from you."
|
