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"Braid"Written By: Kaeru Shisho Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing
or its characters, nor do I make any monetary profit off this story. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, male/male pairings, language Pairings: 1x2. 3x4. 5x6 Summary: The interlaced stories of the GW pilots
mirror their entwined friendships as they romance their way through
life. "Braid " Chapter 8 (o) Wufei's POV I walked on air after that, when I walked. Much of the time I simply sailed through classes, discussions, lectures, floating on a cloud, a headwind lofting me here and there. I'd never, ever felt so happy. My life had been suddenly elevated, taking the fast-track for transcendence of the body and mind to as close to Enlightment as I could conceive. You know, I should have expected what happened next. Relena announced that her brother was ready to return to his position in the royal family and prepare to ascend the throne to become King Peacecraft of the Sanc Kingdom. The report on the vid-phone sent me on a crash-and-burn course to earth. His cell was not accepting calls, whether just not mine or anyone's I didn't much care. I couldn't contact him and he didn't call me. When I came down from my nirvana high, I hit hard, very hard, hard enough to leave an impression. Milliardo succeeded destroying a part of earth, where Zechs had previously failed. I thought of that strange parallelism and raced to Heero's house. It was dark and raining hard in Sanc. Heero took me to a hotel near the shuttle port. He told me it couldn't be true. Milliardo would not be so cruel as to toss me aside without a word. It was all a mistake and he would get to the bottom of it. He had a theory. What I needed was comforting and he gave that to me in every way possible. The next day he sent me on my way to stay with Quatre, who had felt my sorrow across the universe. (o) Heero's POV Because this was Sanc and the Peacecraft family had ruled the kingdom for some time, any bulletin concerning them made headline news: Milliardo, Relena announced, was reassuming his title of the Prince of Sanc. Complete with service and duties including marrying and producing an heir to the throne-. I was surprised. Wufei had told me they had reached an understanding, and since I knew he wasn't an easily-deceived fool, even when in love, I determined the newscast was untrue. I shut off the vid feed. No more than an hour later there was a knock on my door. Wufei stood at the entry, soaking wet from the rain. He looked terrible. "Heero." "Wufei?" He looked awful. "Have you heard?" he said, voice husky. I could see the strain of travel, lack of sleep, and something else—bloodshot eyes. Had he been crying? "The news about—?" "—Milliardo," he finished for me in a hoarse whisper. He could hardly talk. I put out a hand to steady him. He was terribly shaken. "Yeah, but... would you like to come in?" He shook his head. "I can see you're entertaining. I should have called. I'll just go now." I stopped him. "It's a discussion group, and they are about to leave." His eyes rose to meet mine, that proud face awash with grief. "I was his lover. He didn't even warn me!" I gripped his arm as much to keep from falling on my face in shock as to steady him. "Wait." I turned and shouted into the front room at the students seated around my coffee table, books and notes open. "I have to go now. Just lock up when you leave." Quatre would know what to do, but he wasn't here. I decided to send Wufei to Quatre the next day, but for tonight, it was up to me to help him heal. I called a cab to take us to a hotel, got us a room, and helped him out of his shoes and coat. He stood and stared out a crack in the curtains, watching the rain. I rinsed out my mouth, stripped and climbed into the king-sized bed. And waited. I didn't expect to sleep. The last thing I remember seeing was Wufei gazing out the window through the parted curtain. How long he stood there I had no idea. I may have felt the mattress move or not. Time must have passed but if you know how it is when you sleep lightly, it seems as if you never slept at all. I was aware of the body of a man at my side. Something about a man, the heat they generate, the scent, whatever. It was soothing. I became aware of his breathing, coming in spasms and jerks; Wufei was crying. I had to do something, so I turned and whispered, "Come here." "Oh, Heero..." he wrapped me in his sadness. There we lay for some time. Not too long. I drew his face down to match mine and kissed him. He reacted with immediate passion. As if by kissing me he could reanimate his absent lover. It sure kindled the fires in me, and I reacted in kind. Kissing Wufei is like no other man, no comparison. His gentleness and softness had no match. We lay like that for the longest time, just kissing. When I touched his bare skin, he sighed, "Please?" I helped him remove my clothing and let him love me. It was a form of healing for us both. Repressed passions were unleashed and we poured our hearts and souls into expressing our needs and desires. It was unreal in all aspects. He loved me thoroughly and completely and I loved him in return. It was a mutual breakdown. And when we were spent and had no more energy to put into another lovemaking session, we lay enwrapped in each other's arms and slept. Not long, because our minds were not at rest. Our bodies were exhausted; they had given up their energies, but not our minds. We had to talk. "I do love you, Heero." "I know, and I love you too, but..." His low chuckle cut me off. "Why is there always a 'but'? A 'however'? A 'still'... an 'and yet'... an 'on the other hand...'? Always a clause !" He sighed and rolled onto his back. "I love you, but... I'm in love with Milliardo. You love me, but... you're in love with Duo. I'm in love with Milliardo and he's in love with me, but I can't be a part of this new Sanc royal life of his. He loves me, but he needs to be the ruler Sanc requires. We want to marry and have a family, but that can only happen...outside Sanc and that would tear up the line of succession, or some such nonsense, and Milliardo-" He turned his face away, scrubbed at his eyes with a fist before turning back to say, "You are in love with Duo and he loves you, but you both can't see that in loving one another you don't lose yourself, that you gain everything you need to find your true self. You love Duo, but can't tell him for fear of his rejection. He loves you but is terrified of your denial and eventual dismissal. You both don't want to show weakness and need, but you are weakening yourselves out of need for love. You are afraid of failure and so you fail, but-" I held him tight enough to shut him up. He knew me too well and I didn't want to hear his truths or correct his wrong impressions. Not now. Wufei had acquired a grasp of relationship complexities very quickly, but now wasn't the time to fine-tune them. "Well, at least you and I have reached an understanding. We are not meant to be together." I smiled and he forced one of his own. "Not you and me, no." "So, how are we to combat the forces driving us from our 'true' loves?" "I don't know that we can," he said with much sadness. I dismissed his hopelessness with a snort. "We can and we will. You say Milliardo said nothing to you?" "N-no." He made a face when he stuttered. "No warning at all." "Was he in the habit of keeping secrets from you?" "Not important things, that's why this... is so terrible." "No hints of pressure being applied to make a move like that?" "Well, that, yes. He met with Relena, once or twice that I know of, and complained how she wanted to get out from under the 'yoke' and that it was his rightful place...ah. But he told me about those meetings and he turned her down." "I will have to give her a call, then. It's possible this announcement was made without his approval, or he was forced against his will, possibly jailed. He hasn't tried contacting you?" "No! That's what I've been saying here! That's made this doubly hard." Wufei raked the loose hair away from his face. "And he hasn't returned any of my calls!" "It would be cowardly of him to act without facing you first. Milliardo may be many things, but he's no coward. This warrants some looking into immediately." We parted company the next day, with me dropping Wufei at the shuttle port to visit Quatre for a while. "Take care," he said with a brotherly kiss to my forehead. "You too," I said. I truly wished him well. "I'll get to the bottom of this—" "No! No, please don't. Let me take care of this in my own way... and time. You've given me what I need—some courage and self-confidence, and the rudiments of a plan." I let him convince me. "Okay, but I'll call you soon." I ran into Trowa at the campus coffee shop and he agreed with me that "something smelled in Denmark", which he translated to mean that if "the psychopath wanted to break up with Wufei, he wouldn't need to contrive major political action as a cover story." "By the way," he drawled. "Yes?" "I recommend you ring Duo, or better yet, visit him on L2 over your next break. Just saying." If he and Duo had talked, he didn't tell me what they had talked about, but instead just dropped that hint and left me to mull it over. (o) Wufei's POV While I was still numb and with Quatre on L4, I took a leave of absence from the university, and charted a shuttle to L5 where I could see for myself the re-building progress. There, I learned skilled people were in short supply. Pilots, engineers, technical personnel, even book-wise men like me could make a difference. I called Heero with the news. "One year of service here and my PHD is awarded," I told him. "Are you really going through with it?" he asked. "I think so. I was wondering if you'd consider it for yourself?" "I'll have to think about it, Wufei. To be honest, if it were just me, I'd jump at the opportunity, but—" "You just got back together with Duo," I finished for him. "Not yet, but it's... possible—" "Then of course you want to stay put. Forget I asked, please. Don't worry about it—" "Stop talking for a second! I wasn't finished saying what I was saying. I was going to say that Duo's on L2 and I'm in Sanc, which isn't conducive to a meaningful relationship. But- we could both have a future on L5. I'd like to call him now and discuss this." And so, with a shattered heart, I prepared for a new adventure; one that was worthwhile and utilized my skills and talents, while others gave it serious consideration. (o) Heero's POV I was curious how Duo lived among the "natives" and missed him sorely. Trowa never wasted advice, so I took his recommendation to heart and called Duo. "Hi." "That you,'Ro? Long time no hear. Something brewing?" "Not really. I was wondering—" "Wanna come over and see my digs?" he asked, then laughed. "Heh, heh, that's a joke. It's pretty comfy here. L2's been getting some of that reconstruction money we've been taxed to the hilt to support." "Okay." "Okay, what?" "I'd like to come over and see your digs." "Um, where are you?" "Sanc, but in two days I can be on L2." "Cool." We made tentative plans with no mention of our previous encounter at my house. No mention of a four year waiting period, either. Just like that, we were back to being friends. (o) Trowa's POV I couldn't catch up with Quatre again for several months, six terribly lonely, agonizing months! Med school demanded everything I had to give and more. His work sapped the life out of him. So had a deeply emotional meeting with Wufei, who was hurting from a failed love affair. When I had a holiday break, Quatre and I agreed to meet on his terms, meaning on L4, but not at any of his family's compounds. Rashid cast a long shadow and I wanted out from under it. He met me at the shuttle terminal with a smile and a one-arm clasp. That showed more intimate contact than was usual for him, and this was on L4, land of the gay-haters. "The taxi will take us to the resort," he said. "Okay." Conversationally, we covered the weather and the benign topics au currant. He stared out the window, probably checking that the driver took the shortest route. "Trowa?" "Yes?" When I searched his eyes, I saw promise. "It's going to be all right," I told him. "Hmm." He closed his eyes and rested his head against my shoulder. Check-in went smoothly, as one would expect when traveling with the scion of the largest manufacturing company on the satellite. "Is the room, okay?" he asked me once we'd walked through the spacious suite with a cosmic view. "Yes. I'll see to this," I said. I stepped away and spoke to the young man delivering our luggage, handed him a small parcel wrapped in real Sanc bills, which I guessed to approximate his monthly income. "Yes, sir! I'll see to it personally!" Quatre had missed the entire episode, being transfixed by the view, the gentle curve of the satellite ring and a tiny sliver of darkness beyond. I joined him and wrapped him in my arms from behind. There we stood watching time pass and soaking up each other's warmth. I broke away at the sound of a knock on the outer door. "My surprise," I said, kissing his ear. The same baggage porter entered the room wheeling a cart. "By the window?" he asked. "Sure." Where else? That was where the only table sat. He set out two place settings, opened a bottle of champagne, and removed the silver dome revealing a fancy lemon cake topped with real flowers. "Enjoy!" He winked at me and left without making any more of a scene. "Oh, Trowa! This is... lovely." We picked our chairs and sat. "Roses. My... this one... sparkles... OH!" Using the tines of the fork, he teased the diamond ring from the cupped petals. "Oh, my." All right. This was it. The moment I'd been deliberating over since he turned me down the first time. "It's for you; that is, if you'll have me this time. Quatre, I want to share my life with you...now...not in a year or when the planets align or ... when we aren't too busy. I love you. I've been in love with you for so long I can't...well, I could calculate it, but that's hardly romantic." He was smiling and blushing and looking from the ring to me. I didn't want to stop talking and hear his answer. "Quatre, I can live without you, I've had to, but it's dreadful. You make my life complete and whole and worthwhile. If you say 'yes', I'll do whatever I can to make time for you, for us. I'll tell the residency doctor I have to make a change. I'll..." "Yes." "I'll..." Did he say 'yes'? He did! He DID! "Yes? You-?" "Yes, I want you too, Trowa! I'm ready this time." And I know, sitting there holding his hand, the artificial light glowing in his jubilant eyes, that I was the happiest man in the universe, the luckiest too. And I know, it wasn't all because I did it right this time, I know it wasn't the size of the rock, sizable as it was, it was because I meant what I had said, the time was right, we were both ready to build a life for each other (that and it was a really great stone Heero helped me pick out and Duo insisted that I get bigger than the first one I'd chosen). We finished the meal, and took a walk. The evening with holiday decorations sparkling from artificial trees had lured other patrons out for a stroll to window shop or to dine and watch the passersby. We held hands and talked, my mood bouncing between ecstatic and euphoric. We loitered in front of one shop window. I could see both of our reflections- two people, glowing in love. On closer observation, I didn't see beauty and the beast. I didn't see the wealthy heir taking pity on the circus clown. I saw a couple joined in the excitement of their pending future together, making a new life together, forever. I felt seven feet tall and completely worthy of Quatre's love. I saw myself as Quatre did for the first time in my life. I was just a guy, in love with a most remarkable man and I thought my heart would just plain burst standing there. I thanked the all the deities my friends believed in: for bringing Quatre into my life, for giving me the love of this truly wonderful person, and for making me worthy of him at last. (o) Heero's POV After the longest finals week ever, I flew out to L2. I called when we landed and told him I'd take the commuter train to his sector and walk the rest of the way. As an excuse, I told him I needed the exercise. He laughed and told me he could use the time to "tidy up a bit". In actuality, I wanted to study the work done and being done for prospective engineering jobs. Just in case. I had to guess the infrastructure had been upgraded to handle all the upgrades and meet all the new requirements and universal standards; without a tour, I couldn't inspect it. I saw many new buildings with very nice colony workmanship, of the old sort. My area of concentration for my graduate studies was space construction. Using 3-D type printers using materials from nearby sources, lunar, meteoroid, planetary, one could afford to be experimental and creative. That was what I wanted to be a part of. L2 had already undergone much of its reconstruction, or the plans and contracts had already been awarded. If I found any work there, mostly likely it would entail small problem-solving tasks that were only a part of larger projects, nothing visionary. That was a disappointment, but one I'd been prepared for—the literature I'd read hadn't hinted at anything fresh going on. His building was one of the newer ones; he'd prepared me. When I rounded the corner to his block, I saw him standing out front of the high rise. He waved. That smile looks so good! My heart beat like crazy and I ran to meet him. Gone were all thoughts of visionary designs. I could give up that dream just to be with him. Couldn't I? That was the question, wasn't it? And as stupid as all I have written has sounded- and I know it is because I read over what I've written- I have to say, I have never sounded stupider than when I was in love. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I wanted to regain some of our intimacy, our mental connectedness. While he had been out traveling with Howard and the Sweepers and then settling into his new IT job, I'd been learning everything the Sanc university engineering program could offer me. We had lost months of time to him being here and me being in Sanc, and realized that I had no idea what had been going through his mind. I wanted to know everything, and yet, I was hesitant to start. "Talking has only made our lives difficult," I told him, "but I want to know what's been going on in your head since you moved to L2." "It's hard to say." "Apparently, expressing ourselves is a problem we both share, and I don't mean just talking, but being open about how we feel and letting the other one in." I smiled uncertainly. "The University counselor told me that." "Yeah, well." Duo met my eyes. "What do we do about it?" I pushed him into the chair in his home office, brought up the word processor. "If you can't talk to me, then put it into words." "Okay." I roamed his apartment, made us tea, and gave him space while he wrote and wrote and wrote. "Okay," he said. "I could go on but my hand's tired." I couldn't wait to see what he'd typed. "I've felt...distracted and I have not been liking the feeling. Out in space, I stared out at that star field and relaxed. I could close my eyes and get lost reaching for a peace inside myself. I'd always felt that my flying time, especially when I was the passenger, was the closest I came to meditation, the closest I came to centering myself. That and out at that cabin, you know?" Our cabin. Yes, I knew. I looked up from what he wrote and smiled a little. "Evidently, an aching heart isn't something that ever escapes your memory." "Especially if you're still suffering," he commented, turned aside so I could read the rest. "You were my first real in-love-with-him lover, my first real romance, so this had never come up before, this conflict with competition. And, to be honest, it wasn't really a problem until recently. Somehow the idea of you, Heero, finding someone else was far worse than the idea of you pulling back, loving me less." Who could he mean? I never had any other boyfriends. I blinked away tears and cast about for Duo. He'd stepped past my desk and was standing, eyes unfocused, looking out the office window, through the dark and across the parking to the dark line of trees in the distance. I returned to my reading. "Jealousy was something I'd thought I was beyond- if that was what it was. It seemed somehow sadder than just jealousy, but I didn't have much to compare it with. Guys never dumped me, I dumped them first. This was a first in so many ways. And not good at firsts. Something had to change, I knew. How did other people deal with this kind of feeling, I wondered?" Not well,I answered him in thought. I sat in silence. I followed his line of sight and found myself watching a clot of students trail in from their car towards the college building as if pulled by some silent signal. "In my head, you were mine. You'd kinda said so, but I knew you were also attracted to that Milliardo dude, and that you'd always loved Trowa and Wufei, too. No doubt about that. It was as if you could feel things for everyone, want to be with everyone- but me." I spoke up at that. "That wasn't true, Duo!" He jumped at my sudden words and turned toward me. "What's not true?" "I was so afraid of my feelings for you because they were strong. Frighteningly strong. Strong enough to drive me crazy at times and distract me from getting any work done. I didn't know how to deal with it or balance my wants with my needs. That was my problem. Not others! There was no one else in my life!" "Not how I read it, Heero. Even your passion for engineering overwhelmed anything we had, especially how you felt for me. Okay, so like... you and Wufei were so close in a funny way and yet, it was he who told me you loved me and wanted me to love just you and only you. It's why I let you come this time." "Oh." I understood now. "He said that?" "It would have meant more coming from you, of course". "I wanted to call you. Tell you..." I trailed off ineffectually. "I understood, sorta, why you didn't say anything. I hadn't. This... feeling... was something new for both of us." "So you felt all this for me, but you didn't seem to want someone to commit!" I shouted. "You'd never kept a guy around for more than a month, if that. I didn't want to be another... throwaway. And then I'd think you wanted me and you'd turn it back into a friendly gesture. I never knew what you wanted from me." Duo shrugged. "Well, there you go. It seemed to me, that you were spending more time with Trowa or Milliardo or Wufei, while I was spending my time with the Sweepers and sometimes Quatre, and work. I hated it. I hated being apart from you at all and for so long and just when we had something good starting." "You do like to block out the bad parts where we fought, and you ran off." "You ran me off." "All right. I'll admit that." I glanced back to what he'd typed and read the last part. "Are you thinkin' of me, 'Ro?" I'd whisper to the dark and the stars would blink "yes" then "no". I'd leave the viewing port and hide away in the galley. Howard would have something interesting to watch. He always chose good fantasy movies to take away the pain of reality-" "At least I wasn't suffering alone, when you and I were apart," I told him. I thought about what he'd written about clearing his head at our cabin and wondered if he'd consider re-building. Was now the time to bring that up? He chuckled deep within his chest. A rumble like a storm on the way. "You worrying 'bout me not sufferin' enough over you? Shiiit, 'Ro, I tortured myself for years over you." "How sweet," I grinned. "Tell me more."
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