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"Braid"Written By: Kaeru Shisho Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing
or its characters, nor do I make any monetary profit off this story. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: AU, male/male pairings, language Pairings: 1x2. 3x4. 5x6 Summary: The interlaced stories of the GW pilots
mirror their entwined friendships as they romance their way through
life. "Braid " Chapter 3 (o) Heero's POV Milliardo wasn't ashamed of his reputation as a philanderer with men and women, nor did he boast of his conquests to me. Although I found him attractive, I wasn't drawn to him like I had been to Duo. I wasn't fooling myself. If he'd suggested sex, I would have taken him up on it, probably, but he didn't, hadn't yet, so that was a moot point. He didn't flirt with me- not seriously, not that I could read. Despite that, and the fact that befriending him wasn't getting me closer to my "one night stand" goal, we formed a friendship free of the animosity and competitiveness of the past. A month or so after that first meeting in the bookstore, he invited me to a house of his in town, "something for when I'm in Sanc." It was near to the university and ordinary in size and appearance. It certainly wasn't a princely palace. We talked, running out of safe political topics and moving on to college activities. We carefully avoided subjects touching on the war, our prickly pasts. Eventually we were left with discussing our personal lives. I'd just had a run in with Duo that week, the kind where he touched my arm and it was like an electrical shock that shot to the starting bell that sent my heart to galloping away, but then he had to dash in some other direction to his next appointment, and I couldn't move because my feet were frozen in place. As usual, he left me with my head spinning, heart racing—going every which way at once in a semblance of chaos in action. Just thinking about the turmoil going on inside left me a little wild-eyed. "Heero, I can see your mind is not on us or me at any rate this evening," Milliardo said. "It'sssssss... my fault," I exhaled slowly as I said it, admitting it out loud. I went to his kitchen and found us both a bottle of beer. Local brew. Good stuff. I popped the caps and returned to the living room. "Okay," he said slowly. He took the bottle I offered. "I'm not certain what your problem is, but I'm smart enough to figure it out." He smiled knowingly. "Want to talk about him? It must be that Maxwell character who's got you churning." I sank onto the couch again, with him leaning on the arm. "I invented him into something in my head. Something he isn't interested in being and I'm not even sure I want. I'm not ready for, anyway." "That's vague enough." Milliardo nodded, accepting he'd been right, and that I was, indeed, talking about Duo. "Did he tell you he loved you?" "That's not the point. That's a word." I sighed, squeezing my eyes tight, admiring the red glow behind my eyelids and avoiding his eloquent stare. "In his own subtle ways, maybe." "Do you want him to love you?" "I can't tell what I want, separate from him. When he's around me I just lose my mind and shut down." "The 'L' word is a complicating factor." "Hn. It's only the tip of the iceberg." "You're fighting the entire Arctic circle? You did like the cold for fighting, didn't you?" He smiled and shook his head when I glared at him in answer. His comments referenced a ridiculous sword fight of ours near the Antarctic base. "Let's see if I can guess what lies under your troubled waters, then?" Milliardo had the most smarmy, superior, smirk I'd ever seen. He was unstoppable at this point. "He wants you to 'hang with', but he doesn't want a constant, dependent, steady, one single-choice boyfriend? No? Yes? All right... Either that or he wants you to be faithful to him, but not the other way around. He seems the sort that needs to remain unattached. Yes, that's more like it- you can see what he's like. You know—double standard. I know; I used to want that, too." "I'm not so sure anymore what it is I want." The moment I said it I felt unsure if it was really true or not. As it was, Milliardo was part right and much wrong about Duo. I opened my eyes and studied the man for a moment, drank from the bottle. "Of course you don't know what you want. You're young." He shrugged, squinting at a loose hangnail. "He's attractive, I grant you that, but to tell the truth, I'm not crazy about Duo." I snorted at his conceit. "I've had people fall in love with me, Heero. It's not great. You know, they love you, but you feel... oh, not nothing, but not that." "I never told him I loved him!" I raised my voice defensively. "I'm not really sure I do...exactly...I mean..." Oh what's the use? I sighed. "He's avoiding me now, because he's scared. I scared him off, I think. You're not scared." I put that out hoping I had figured them both correctly. Milliardo laughed. "I get scared, petrified that I'm going do to someone what Duo's done to you." "He hasn't done anything. That's most of the problem. The remainder of the problem rests with me, the way I am." He shook his head. "Your problem is a faulty reading of other people's intentions." I wondered if this included him, but he had already moved the topic forward. I dropped whatever I was going to ask him to listen, instead. "I'm observant, but when someone wants to be closer to you, they'll show you whatever cool front they can. That can be deceptive, but knowing that you can be prepared. It's your turn to show how you feel next if you're interested." "I can't even talk to him sometimes!" "It makes you feel vulnerable. It does me. I hate that." "Why is it such a big deal?" Oh, come on; I knew the answer to that! "Why don't you want more, Milliardo?" "Oh, I may want more, but I don't have confidence in in monogamy in general." "Right. But, do you believe in love?" "I love a lot of people, but not like you mean. I don't agree with it. It makes you crazy." Got that straight. "But sometimes it's good." "I suppose it is, and as I said, I might be ready for a change. I never felt it like you do, Heero." "If I do, you mean." I thought about it a moment then asked him, "Really?" "Hmm?" "You never liked anyone special?" "Liked... not loved... thought they were hot... but never in love." "Never?" I sat up. I'd been on the floor not on the couch, where he'd slumped gracefully. I rose my knees, staring at him. "No, never." "What would you do? If- if someone truly fell in love with the real you?" "Say sorry." He slid down onto the floor, and leaned his head up against the edge of the couch, his arms resting on his drawn-up knees. "Unless I felt something I've never felt before—true love. I'd break it off. Stop ...ah...sleeping with them...sex, you know." "And if you recognized true love? "I'd cherish that person and never let them go." That sounded dream-like, coming from him. He shook off the strange mood and added, "But what I do has nothing to do with you and Duo." "I just want to stop thinking about him." I sighed. "I'm so tired. It almost makes me sick now." "Relax. Think about something else." "Sometimes if I can sleep it's okay." "You are finding it hard to sleep?" "I don't sleep well, haven't since the war." I didn't want to tell him I only slept when I hugged a Duo plushie from a toymaker friend of Hilde's. I felt lame enough about keeping a Duo plushie to sleep with, without telling perfect, indestructible Milliardo. "Is it worse living alone? You can crash here, you know that." I shook my head as I alternated between being tempted and disinterested. Settling on neutrally indecisive, I said, "Don't want to bother you." Or be obliged. "You aren't a problem." He ruffled my hair and whispered, "Stay if you want." I was used to taking care of myself and didn't want to start relying on someone else too much, making a pain of myself. I wasn't a child; I never really was. I was supposed to be an adult and able to get past the low points of my life, right? Reading my mind, or at least guessing at my hesitancy, he said, "Everyone leans on someone when they need to. Relax, we got the place to ourselves." "Okay." Since he was getting up, I got to my feet, too. "Okay. Good. That's settled then. I'll be in my room should you need anything." Milliardo paused for a second before giving me a hug, his arms folding around my neck. It was one of those hugs that lasted a bit longer than necessary, and then he backed up, looking for some kind of reaction from me, and when he didn't see one, he turned around to walk out. I felt like shit. He returned momentarily to dump a pillow and pile of incredibly soft blankets on the couch. "Sweet dreams," he wished me and was gone. The next morning I called Wufei and convinced him to meet me at the coffee shop later. I made a promise to introduce him to someone. I didn't tell him it would be Milliardo. And I didn't tell him it would be to someone he'd already met, but hadn't seen in a long time. For some reason I knew those two would be good for one another, but if pre-warned as to the mystery-man's identity, Wufei would not agree to the meeting. That was my guess. (o) Wufei's POV "Apply Duo's test then, if you're not sure," Heero dared me. He was my closest friend and fellow teaching assistant drudge at the university. I knew I was gay—I was sure; I just didn't want to advertise it or do anything about it. However, I was curious about our friend's test. "I'll regret this, but—what test is that?" Heero smiled that new irritating smile he'd developed. I think he was trying it out on me to see if it would fit. Unfortunately, for me trying to ignore how it affected me, it made him sexier than hell, not that I'd tell him that. "You're in a mall," he began. "Unlikely, but go on." "Someone says to you 'check out that hot bod.'" "Even less likely." "Do you examine the girl and hope the buttons on her blouse come undone, or—" "Never! I'd never think that." "Or, do you look over the guy and wonder what's in his pants?" I blushed deeply, trapped. "That's the question." He stared at me boldly with a new-fangled confidence he'd pulled from I-had-no-idea-where these days. I couldn't out-glare Heero, but I could out cold-shoulder him like nobody's business. "Wufei, c'mon, just let me introduce you to someone; actually, it's someone you know tangentially." "That's sounds like some distortion of space logic Maxwell would come up with." I knew the two of them had been "hanging out" together off and on. I'd been privy to Heero's side of the story while they'd had several highly charged falling "ins" and terribly painful falling "outs" since the war, but that they had seen, possibly, less and less of each other lately. His repeated use of Duo's name was a clear indicator that their on-again-off-again friendship was back "on". But how that information helped me understand why he wanted to introduce me around where introductions were not needed, I didn't know. "How do I know... this person?" That, of course was exactly what he wanted me to ask, so I kept feeding him fresh material to experiment with. He'd be a normal boy eventually. "That would be giving everything away. Just say 'yes'." "Yes." Well, it made my friend happy to think he was doing something nice for me, and it couldn't hurt, much, to see someone from my past, hopefully. "Do I need to be armed for this... encounter?" I asked, half joking. "Wear your most charming smile," he actually said to me. He shook his head, probably at my irritated expression, and turned away, chuckling. This is the treatment he reserves for his best friend! We parted with a place and time to meet up again, which turned out to be the very next day. My dear friend decided to try out his recently acquired sarcasm on me, and don't ask me from whom it was he picked it up. "Now here he comes," Heero said with a nod in the direction of the handsome man targeting us with his eyes. "Pretend you're pleased to see him and would like to become friends, if you would, please." "Honestly, Heero, you can be so—" I took one more look, a careful one, at the man and choked back what I'd about to say and instead said, "You can go now." I may have given him a little push to get him started, for directional purposes, and then I totally forgot Heero was standing beside me. My focus had contracted to encompass Milliardo Peacecraft, and no one else. Like me, for the sake of my honored ancestors! I mentally screamed, demanding the man feel our connection like I did. I sucked in my own drool. Heero of the Thick Head hadn't taken my hint and left; he was saying something inanely introductory and unnecessary. I subdued the intense urge to kick him out of the way, which he must have sensed (finally!) and then he squeezed my arm and disappeared. It was just me and Mill. A noble wind blew wisps of his silvery hair, stormy grey eyes locked onto mine, and he smiled- teeth perfectly white and aligned, like a curl of pristine surf. I was suddenly overcome with the incredible urge to pull his face to mine and kiss those delicious lips of his. I was trying to fight it, to forget it, but it was just sooo strong. I attempted to rationalize it all out in my mind. I tried to pretend that Mr. Tall-Blonde-and-Talented here was just reminding me of some other guy I once fancied. But it didn't work. I wanted him, I couldn't stop wanting him. I couldn't stop staring, I couldn't stop thinking, and I couldn't stop wishing I was someone else, anyone else. I wanted to hold his hunky body against mine, so muscled and smooth, and feel the beating of his heart as his body heat mixed with mine. Gods, I wanted him so bad I could taste it. But then I remembered who I was and who he was, and it dawned on me that these feelings were just a waste of my time. What was that? The man just said something to me and I am daydreaming! "Pardon?" I asked, marshaling all my politeness into a single word. Milliardo leaned over, his lips so close to my ear I could feel his warm breath. He looked me right in the eye, his stormy grey-blues piercing straight through to my soul, causing me to get extremely uncomfortable. Save me ancestors, but he is hot! He seemed to get more attractive by the second, and he was actually turning me on. The mental images of him and me together got worse, and I pictured us kissing, rolling around on the bed, moaning softly and touching each other as we indulged in our young hunger. Lucky for me this lust-thing hadn't struck me before I got my doctorate, or worse, when I was manning a multi-ton killing machine during the war! I never would have been able to concentrate and get any work done, or avoided getting skewered by Treize or having my head knocked off by some more attentive enemy fighter. I sympathized with all my friends so encumbered and still able to survive. From the depths of my proper upbringing, somewhere buried beneath my better judgment, came a thought, which turned into words tumbling from my lips, "Do you have time for tea or a coffee- or something?" I knew him by his notorious past, both his war time extravaganzas and his post-war dalliances that made second page news every week, regardless of which part of the universe he had graced with his presence. I knew he was a scallywag of the worst sort, and yet, here I was. Inviting him to tea. I should have just turned tail and run when I had the chance. Maybe he would cut his losses and say "no". That would be... that would solve everything. I would kill Heero for having started this all later, I promised myself, as if that would alter the outcome of my poor judgment now! "Yes, I do," he said. His eyes searched mine for a split second—I couldn't not stare back and admire his perfect teeth when he smiled slightly- and said, "Especially the something." At the suggestive way he said that, my heart thumped. I blushed. I lost the feeling in my legs. I knew this wasn't just some crazy feeling or jittery sensation; it was my crazy feeling and jittery sensation! My, me, mine! I was IN LOVE ! Totally in love. Don't ask me how I knew, I just did. It felt so right. I was falling for his charms and his good looks and making him the object of my desires. I couldn't help it; he just had this exciting aura around him that seeped out of his every pore. He was beyond appealing, he was drop dead sexy gorgeous and- if only I had the words to tell him. If only I could be with him in the most intimate ways. If only...! My heart hurt from the pounding it seemed bound and determined to do; my head hurt from my blood pressure, which had to be skyrocketing off the charts. I didn't know what to do. So I stood there like an absolute fool and stared. "I haven't eaten today, so let's make it a bistro. Would that fit into your plans?" he asked. Oh...that kind of something... My blush deepened as I understood how I had mistaken his tone for a come-on. Ancestors, I am mortified. I will light one hundred candles if you totally ignore what I've done. "Perfectly." It was all I could muster. He knew where he was going and led me to a nice restaurant along the river. But of course he'd know; he'd been born in Sanc. He probably knew every nook and cranny of the place. I sipped water and he ate the breadsticks, waiting for our meals to be served. I think he ordered for the both of us. I certainly couldn't remember having read the menu. "This meeting is fortuitous," he said. "I'm not in Sanc often and I thought you had returned to L5." "Oh. I study here. I'm working toward my doctorate. There is no L5 worth visiting. It was blown up." And I'm totally incapable of speaking in anything but simple sentences. "A return of the scholar? That's good. The need for warrior princes is limited these days." "I never was a prince," I denied, but of course, he had been, still was. "Heir to your clan, then. Analogous story." "I doubt it." "Military boarding school when I turned eight, officer training, and then the war." Milliardo looked up from his napkin. It wasn't a far cry from my own upbringing, as it turned out. "Studies, martial arts, and... then the war." Yeah, that summed up my life, to date. "L5 was a Chinese colony," he pulled from who knows where. What was he asking? "Yes, my clan was... offered the opportunity to leave earth. We did." "No other cultures there?" "No. One hundred percent Chinese." What was he getting at? "What?" I looked up from my hands to see him staring at me. "Forgive me for staring "You don't look like the Chinese I usually see." "I'm not Han. The Han people makeup the largest ethnic group in China on Earth. The many indigenous tribes the Han over-ran were portrayed as 'good singers and dancers.' It was insulting. My people rebelled and were offered the chance to leave earth, to rebuild on L5 with the promise of keeping our culture intact. It got us out of the way." "What were you called?" "It... doesn't matter. I'm all there is left of them." "I'm so sorry—" "I've learned to live with my losses." "As have I." That was right, he'd lost his parents and home in the war, and from his own behavior he'd become somewhat of a drifter. "Your people were very attractive, if you are an example," Milliardo said smiling. "The women must have been spectacular." I fought back my blush response with mixed results. My ear tips burned in the cool air. "Yes, very pretty, but also ferocious fighters. My wife was very strong for a girl." "Your wife? You were only a boy when I first saw you. How could you have been married at so young an age?" "In Sanc the term for our situation would have been 'engaged'. It was an arranged marriage." It was my turn to smile at his stunned expression. "She was the first choice to pilot the L5 Gundam, you know." "No, I didn't." Our plates had arrived. We ate with limited talking. "No wine, thank you," I said, satisfied with water. "Still denying yourself pleasure?" That comment sent the heat to my face again and nearly caused me to choke on my mouthful. He chuckled softly. "I have a confession." I shook my head, not wanting to be privy to his dark secrets. I had enough of my own to occupy the Preventers' investigative teams for years. "Heero mentioned your name, and decided I had to try." So his meeting has a purpose? It wasn't just for me to admire his hair and ogle his ass? How disappointing. "And what I said before-?" What he was referencing now? "-It was just as forward as it sounded. And, although I can't quite fathom your preferences, it had been my intention all along to see you again, after this. This is testing the water to see if I might get a favorable sign." Whether or not the previous blush had withdrawn, I felt another wash over me. I guessed that my blush had given him the "all's go" signal. I couldn't control my response to his proximity, try as I did. "I must say that learning you had a wife at one time threw me for a loop." He leaned over the table and whispered, "You are interested?" "Me?" "You, me, getting to know one another," he clarified so that even the befuddled-me I'd become could understand. I turned my eyes back to the river view out the window. "I-I can't stay longer here. I have an appointment in a few minutes." I continued to examine the ducks that waddled back and forth alongside the narrow shoreline, while I got my voice under control. Ancestors, I'll light two hundred candles if you help me out - at once! But, determined as I was to reengage myself in the world, I couldn't force the "no" pass my lips. "All right. That suits me as well. Another time, then." Oh! Well, three hundred candles, if you'll toss in forgiveness. I felt courageous and looked up to meet that intense grey gaze. "I'd like that." "Wonderful!" Milliardo said. He appeared to be very pleased with my acceptance. He left a few bills on the table and stood to go. "I'll text you." I nodded absently. I may have nodded. My sharp wit was surely absent. Milliardo smiled and took his leave. (o) Quatre POV When Trowa ended his cell call, he turned, and shifted gears to shower me with all his attention again. He told me Wufei and Milliardo were seeing each other and that Heero, who he'd been talking to, was communicating with some degree of success, not entirely positive, with Duo. It meant a happy continuum in the universe- - until it was time for me to depart Cologne for L4 again. We both were aware how long it might be before we'd see each other. His medical school course load was due to ramp up and he'd soon be buried in studies. I'd have to make up everything I'd been putting off lately, and be inundated with loads of work. We both knew that this was short respite had been an important time together. I wanted to mark it as such. "As long as it is all right with you," I announced without ceremony or warning. "I'm going to announce that I am gay and have a boyfriend." "Quatre," he whispered and pressed a finger to my eyebrow, tracing its shape. "I'm sure, Trowa. Don't keep asking me! I'm ready, willing, and very, very able to be honest about us. What everyone else thinks does not matter to me." "Okay, for now...we'll do it your way, but sometime it will matter." He smiled again and cupped my cheek, rubbing his calloused thumb across my lips. "When you change your mind, let me know first, okay?" I nodded. His honesty knocked the air out of any smart comment I might have said, again. "I promise, but I don't see that coming." "Lovers never do, Quatre, my heart," he said as he held me tightly to his chest. It was an inauspicious way to end our lovely vacation together, and in the grey morning, the shuttle port was a desolate place to say goodbye.
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