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"Forty Little Pills"Written By: Jo Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. Have nothing.
I write for the fun of it. Warnings: Angst, mental anguish, dark, OOC (?), attempted suicide, potential death fic but it really depends on how you interpret the ending. I don't really consider it a deathfic. Pairings: Implied past 1x2, 1xR, 1x2 ending (?) Summary: Takes place after EW. The first time
I write something with this much angst. Hope it goes down well.
Forty Little Pills
I don't have anything. Seriously I don't. I, Duo Maxwell, though not technically savior of the world but I'd like to think that I help some. And yet I don't have anything. Sure enough I have a roof over my head. Some might call that a good thing but it is still not mine. I pay rent. Sure enough I have a job to go to everyday and I am quite good at it too but being Special Agent Maxwell doesn't quite make me jump eagerly out of bed every morning. Sure enough I have my health. Some might think that a reason good enough to celebrate but I have long since ran out of little cone shaped party hats and big red balloons. I just plain don't have anything. I especially don't have the man I love. Heero has been in the news a lot lately. He makes his appearances with the Vice Foreign Minister, hobnobbing with the higher-ups of the political fishbowl, ever vigilant in playing the roles of the protector, the keeper of peace. He is her fiancé after all. The most priceless of all her accessory. I fell in love fast and fierce during the war. Heero on the other hand, never quite mentioned the word "love" and me in the same sentence but I thought I shouldn't push my luck. I was lying naked in the arms of Heero Yuy when I wasn't slicing mobile dolls. What more could I asked for? After the war, we moved into a dingy little apartment and I thought all is right with the world. We were partnered in the Preventers for eight short months before Relena showed up with a job offer and whisked him away in her audacious pink limo. I mean, seriously, pink? I had my suspicion. It was hardly coincidental that every time I walked into a room, the conversation would stop, the whispers would begin and every female agent would cast in my direction, a sidelong glance of pity. He admitted to seeing her very quickly after that. I blew a gasket. Threw everything he owned out of the apartment we shared, not that he was living there anymore. I became a blissful drunk for three months. I was suspended from active duty for one. I sobered up not for the sake of getting my life back together; I stop drinking because I couldn't possibly live through another 48-hour intervention led by the good natured Quatre and his doting lover. I would rather just let Wufei kick me in the gut, call me a weakling, and berate me for not "adjusting" following the wars. I don't see him anymore after that. I only see him when he and the Vice Foreign Minister make the news. Lucky for me the media loves them. Reality TV of the rich and famous is my best friend except he looks like a clone of Heero instead of Heero. He smiles and speaks at length about everything, anything, taking every interview in stride. Who'd know Heero Yuy can be such a charmer. It's heartbreaking to know that I was never on the receiving end of it. The others see him, them, off and on. With Wufei, it's a trip to the gym every weekend. With Quatre and Trowa it's dinner at the hoity toity La Prierre once a month. I was never invited. Avoided like the plague. The news is on again. Sure enough the royal couple is plastered all over the screen. Shots of Heero walking, Heero talking, Heero smiling, Heero getting into and out of the pink limo, Heero waving to the crowds, Heero dancing with her in his arms. It is not until I am about to turn off the TV that I finally hear what the news anchor is saying. The power couple has broken up and has gone separate ways. Rumored has it that there is a third party involved. He, HE, has a new love interest and they separated amicably. She wishes him well. I threw my mug of coffee through the TV screen. I am intrigued just who this new love interest is. I mentally combed through Heero's female acquaintances and came up with nothing. But then again, I have been so far removed from him it could be anyone. Removed. I don't even have hopes and dreams. I always knew that Heero would get tired of Relena. Isn't it customary to run to your old lover when things are not working out with your new lover? I might gloat a little but I would love him just the same. I have it all planned out. I would be gracious in his groveling for my forgiveness. I would be difficult but dignified in accepting him back into my life, and bed. And I would be passionate in showing him what he has been missing. The third party love interest has snuffed the flames out of my wistful dreaming. Heero has evidently moved on from me. An irreversible "condition" I'm afraid. Then it dawned on me, I was nothing but a fling in the war. Easy comfort, a convenient "companion". I am the one thing that people, lover, friends moved up from once they can have something better. I wonder if I'd be missed. What would they say in my eulogy? Duo Maxwell, he fought a good war but his soul was a troubled and perturbing one, he finally succumbed to the darkness in his heart. A statistic for post-war trauma. One little pill to help me sleep. Two little pills to help me sleep better. Forty little pills to help me sleep forever. All I wanted was something to call my own. Washing down forty little pills with beer has an adverse effect. The more you drink, the thirstier you get, and the more you drink, the more little white pills you take. I do know how to throw a party. The vid phone rings. I stagger over to get it. It's odd to care about such a trivial thing as an incoming call just before you bid your final farewell. It is a face I vaguely recognize and a voice I could barely hear. I landed on the vid phone knocking the connection out. Here I am. Drifting slowly into the tight embrace of unconsciousness and still I don't have anything. I don't even own the darkness that I am seeing. I just keep plunging deeper and deeper into nothingness. I hope I don't stink too badly when my landlord comes and collect the late rent. I managed a giddy giggle. There is a booming sound coming from the door. I wonder if that is death coming to haul me away. I am too tired, unable to move, he will just have to kick it down, throw me over his shoulder and drag me to hell. Maybe I'll find some party hats there. A new group of friends, maybe even a hellraiser boyfriend. How about that. Yeah some guy who's into cross-dressing, loves sharp pointy stiletto heels, gets off from grinding said pointy heel into my back. Some guy who would be mine. Yeah, that's the life. I think the door just collapsed. Death comes swiftly when beckons and has no patience apparently. Someone takes me by my shoulders and started shaking me. Probing fingers peeling back my eyelids, sliding down my throat. Death is an EMT? I was half way to sweet Hades when a blinding bright light pierced through the darkness forcing my eyes to refocus. His royal ex highness is kneeling by my side, his sweat streaked face contorted by what look like fear and concern. Heero "I have no expression" Yuy sure has come a long way. A journey he had traveled without me. He is speaking to me now. Duo, he says. I've come back to you, he says. Don't do this to me, he says. Selfish little bastard isn't he. I wanted to point out that it is I whom I am doing this to and not he. I wanted to say not everything is about him but then again I never lied so why start now. Suddenly I feel like laughing and could all but make a gurgling sound in the back of my throat. Forty little pills to help me see. Something that belongs to me.
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