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"The Road to Hell is Paved With Second Chances "Written By: Jewel of Hell Disclaimer: Don't own nothin' but these words Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Yaoi, lemon, angst (sort of), abuse, torture, memory loss, mental instability, character death, violence, dark Pairings: 1x2 Summary: The war ended, and Duo disappeared. Heero
never stopped searching. When he found his love, locked in a research
facility with devestated memories, he swore he would destroy the one
responsible. "The Road to Hell is Paved With Second Chances "
Isenger blathered to Heero for awhile when he arrived at Brighton-Glewhyn in the morning. It took more self-control than Heero ever thought he possessed not to snap the man's neck like a twig. It would be easy. A little more effort than a stick of wood because it was a little thicker. But the sound would be just as sharp and gratifying. He had to close his eyes against the image. "Are you feeling all right, Shiro?" Blinking upon hearing his pseudonym, Heero forced himself to focus. Yuji Shiro hardly had anything to hate Isenger for. He was just an idiot who needed a job and was willing to dabble in the gray area between unethical and cruel-and-unusual. "I'm fine, Doctor," he said in a mild tone. Not seething with hidden anger. None at all. "Maybe a bit of a headache." "Hm. Well, there are plenty of painkillers in the lounge. Take a few before you start work. I'm starting a few new procedures today, and I want to make sure subject 02 is fit before then." He patted Heero on the shoulder and left, probably for his lab. Heero actually took two steps after him before catching himself and stopping. He could not kill Isenger yet. Not until Trowa got here with Quatre's equipment. Everything about this place, the building itself included, was in the way until then. He didn't follow with Isenger's suggestion to take a painkiller, of course. He headed straight for Duo's cell. Perhaps there was a god, because none of the rooms, including Duo's, had cameras on the inside. Right outside the door in the hall, yes. But not inside. Heero didn't think Isenger cared for his 'subject's' privacy, but he could hardly ask the man about it. After all, he wasn't supposed to have access to anything. Duo was already looking up when Heero entered, eyes trained on the doorway, body tense and frozen. Though Heero's heart immediately leaped to see his love, it sank a split second later. Again, no recognition. Just like the first time. Had Duo already forgotten? Or had Isenger erased most of his memories of yesterday? Taking one step forward had Duo lunging back, body colliding with the concrete wall with a loud smack. Duo winced but didn't lower his guard for a fraction of a second. Heero stopped and leaned against the closed door. "You've already forgotten me, haven't you?" he said quietly. "I was here yesterday, Duo. Remember? My name is Heero." The alarm-bordering-on-panic didn't diminish from those eyes. "Duo?" Heero tried a smile. "That's your name," he answered. "That's you." Like yesterday, a strange mix of things flashed through Duo's eyes at that. Confusion. Surprise. Disbelief. Fear. Hope. "My . . . name," Duo said softly. Little more than a whisper. Heero hated Isenger just a little more. Like he needed one more thing. The bastard had probably thought to make Duo feel as nonhuman as possible. A tool. An object. A subject. "Why . . . who are you?" Duo asked, startling Heero back into his own mind. He held up his small med-kit. "I was brought here to monitor your physical condition," he said. "I just need to check you over. It won't hurt." Obviously, Duo didn't believe him. But when Heero approached this time, he didn't bolt. He was trembling wildly though, when Heero touched him for the first time. His skin was still smoother than butter or wet silk. But it was frigid to the touch. Not even a hint of warmth. He couldn't help it and wrapped his fingers around Duo's upper arm, chafing gently. "You're freezing," he murmured. Duo didn't speak, entire body tense. Suddenly absurdly grateful to Dr. J for his training, Heero opened the kit and laid it flat so Duo could see everything inside it. He listened to Duo's heart and checked ears and throat. Aside from the weight loss he appeared to be in relatively good health. But his eyes were dull where once they used to shine. He put his tools away and captured both Duo's hands in his. "You don't remember what I told you yesterday, so I will tell you again. I'm going to shut this place down, Duo. And when I do, I will get you out of here. That's a promise." Wide eyes regarded him with equal parts distrust, fear, and hope. Heero held his gaze, stroking his fingers constantly over Duo's palms, both in an effort to show him physical contact didn't have to hurt and to warm them. Presently Duo pulled his hands free. He did it slowly as though fearing some sort of punishment, but obviously his discomfort won. He squeezed himself back against the wall. "Why?" he whispered. "Because-" Heero began. I love you. Saying that at this juncture might scare the boy off for good . . . "It's the right thing to do," he settled on, "and because you don't deserve this." Apparently Duo didn't believe that, either. He made a faint sound and ducked his head, refusing to meet Heero's eyes any longer. He huddled close to the wall, looking for all the world like a frightened animal trying to make itself smaller and disappear. It about broke Heero's heart. I'll get you out, Duo. And I'll protect you for the rest of your life. "Are you hungry?" he asked. "I can bring you something decent to eat, if you want." That restored eye-contact. "Really?" The faintest hint of hopeful shine. It was beautiful, lighting up his face like Heero had become accustomed to seeing. He gave a gentle smile. "Yeah. You used to like chocolate, and I bet you've not been given any since coming here." That word choice made Duo go still. Heero could see he wanted to ask, but in the end he didn't. He just nodded. "I'd like some . . . chocolate." Said like it was an unfamiliar word. Smiling, unable to help himself, Heero reached out and touched Duo's face one more time. The boy didn't jerk out of reach, but Heero could tell he wanted to. Ah well. He'd take even that small victory. "I'll be back in a little while." Rising, he left the cell. He watched the youth-Heero-leave. He didn't remember anyone ever telling him their name before, and certainly no one had given him a name before. Duo? It was strange to think of himself with an identity, but . . . somewhere distantly in the back of his mind it felt . . . not right, exactly. But dimly, vaguely familiar. Like the recollection of a long-ago dream. Closing his eyes, he was surprised to find the image of Heero followed him into the darkness behind his eyelids. Blue eyes of shocking cobalt. Filled with unfamiliar emotion. Something gentle and yet . . . lurking danger. Those eyes made him-Duo, he thought firmly-shiver. What kind of person was Heero? Who could manage to look two such opposing things so easily? His voice was more of the same. A soft tone meant not to alarm or scare. But filled with strength and an indomitable will. A natural born leader? Some sort of undercover agent? Was it true Heero meant to shut this place down? Why would he? And further, why would he act like he cared about him? Duo. My name is Duo. And weighing even heavier on his mind, why had Heero talked to him like he knew him? Or had known him at one point? Was it possible he'd not spent his entire life here, a guinea pig of the Doctor? Perhaps somewhere in his ruined memories, Heero still existed? He said I used to like chocolate. I don't even know what that is, and how could Heero have known I like it? Unless he knew me. From before? Was there ever a before? He knew one thing. If there was, he wanted to know about it, and he wanted it back. What sort of person was Heero? Strong, kind, and gentle like he seemed? Perhaps he was a cruel person like the Doctor, perhaps this was another form of torment. The Doctor did get inventive. Claiming it was all for research. Half the things he did Duo could no longer remember. Just recall distantly the pain and fear. Or was Heero exactly what he claimed? Someone who could be trusted? Someone who meant to help, not harm? That would be another first. The cell door opened. Duo started, amazed he'd not even heard anyone approach. The lack of alertness on his part was also new. And it was only after the assistants locked him to the table in the lab as usual that he realized he'd spent all that intervening time between Heero's leaving and their arriving too preoccupied to be afraid. Heero tried very hard not to run back to the cell, but it was a near thing. Gritting his teeth, he took a deep breath. He had to remain in control if he was to get Duo out. Trowa would be here tonight, and they could begin. From there it would probably be an easy matter, shutting this facility down. Trowa was a master of stealth and infiltration. It was with a great deal of external calm that he opened the door and entered with his med-kit. Inside he was seething, because the Doctor had spent almost seven hours doing god-knew-what to his Duo. The boy himself lay flat on the floor, limbs sprawled awkwardly. He did look up when Heero entered, but other than that he didn't move. Except this time, there was definite recognition in his eyes. Heero's heart did an odd flip in his chest. His memories are intact this time. At least, his memories of this morning. It may not be much, but it was a start. If he could gain Duo's trust here, he could get his beloved out without a fuss. Duo would even help him, not hinder him. He put on a gentle smile as he closed the door. "Hey," he said softly. Duo tried to sit up, but he couldn't seem to martial his strength. After a few failed attempts he went still again, panting and looking utterly miserable. Heero wasn't sure if he wanted to sit up to get away, or just sit up to see him better. Either way, he approached slowly and in a non-threatening way (he hoped). Setting his kit on the ground he gently eased Duo upright, propping him against the wall. At this, Duo did seem a little calmer and more composed. "I brought you some chocolate," he said, opening the kit and extracting a slim bar wrapped in silver foil. "It won't make your body feel any better, but it will perk your tastebuds right up." It was obvious Duo thought that was a strange thing to say, but he accepted the piece of dark candy and slid it into his mouth. His eyes didn't leave Heero's as he sank his teeth into it, perhaps suspecting some trick. But those beautiful, limpid eyes went wide a second later as the sugary sweetness broke over his tongue, rewarding his trust with a burst of flavor. His fingers went to his lips in wonder as he stopped chewing, apparently savoring it. Then, "It's melting!" he murmured. Heero popped a small chunk into his own mouth. He'd never understood why Duo loved chocolate so much-he thought it was too sweet. But watching Duo discover it again for the first time made it somehow better. "I take it you like it?" Duo swallowed and nodded, eyes now on Heero's hands. He raised them back to Heero's face, the pleading request clear. Chuckling faintly, Heero handed over the bar. Duo ate it slowly, eyes sliding shut in bliss. Which surprised Heero. The boy was usually so alert. Did he lower his guard because of the confection, or because some part of him still trusted Heero, deep down in his subconscious? No way to know the answer to that question, but he liked to think it was the latter. Eventually the last of it was gone and Duo looked up at him once more. His eyes were as calm as Heero had yet seen them. The fear still lurked there, but it was deeper now. More muted. Heero handed him a small bottle of water. Duo accepted it too, and drank the whole thing in a few gulps. He handed the empty bottle back. Then, almost shyly, "Thanks." Heero smiled and just nodded. Duo studied him in silence for a time, and Heero got the impression the boy was mulling something over. Working up the courage to ask him a question. He waited, not looking at Duo, just leaning against the adjoining wall. Eventually Duo stirred again. "Um . . . do you . . . know me?" he asked. Heero met his eyes once more. He was a little worried telling the truth would frighten Duo, but he couldn't lie. "Yes." Then, "You weren't always a prisoner here, Duo. I actually came here looking for you." Okay, that was a little more than he wanted to say. Duo's eyes widened. "You do know me from before." Looking a little . . . excited? "What-" His mouth snapped shut. He started again, slower. "What was it like?" An unexpected bolt of pain shot through Heero's heart. His smile felt sad. "Freedom suited you," he murmured. Duo blinked, looking confused. Apparently that was the end of his courage, because he wilted. Heero slowly leaned forward and brushed a lock of cinnamon hair out of his eyes. "I'll be back again tomorrow," he promised. "I'm working on a plan to get you out of here." He rose and offered a smile, though it was weaker than it had been before. Duo's eyes stayed on him as he quietly left. For the first time since learning of this place and coming here, Heero felt the pain finally outweigh the anger. Things he'd not yet begun to consider crossed his mind with icy clarity. He would free Duo. Absolutely. But then what? He's not the same person. Duo was fearless and reckless and acted without thought or regard for safety. He was loud and obnoxious and never shut up and did what he damn well pleased, never caring who it offended. Now . . . Now his lover was timid, fearful, quiet unless addressed directly. A personality completely changed because it lacked the circumstances that had made it what it was. Had made Duo what he was. That was the basis of Isenger's "research." A person was who they were based on their surroundings. Their memories shaped them into themselves. No. No. He would not believe circumstance alone dictated who a person was. Duo was himself. And if right now he was more fearful than ever in his life, well, who could blame him? Every day was a trial of pain and suffering. Torment and torture, memories constantly disappearing. No stability, nothing constant except pain. Once Duo was out of here and safe, he would recover and begin to develop anew. Under Heero's care, he would become himself once more. And his memories would slowly return. Buoyed by these thoughts, Heero returned to his small office. Perhaps it was time to look into how exactly Isenger erased memories. If it was basic enough, Heero himself might be able to reverse the process. Suppressed memories usually only needed a trigger to restore them. Two hours and in-depth research later, Heero felt the last of his hopes drain away. Isenger didn't merely suppress memories, he completely destroyed them. He targeted the specific area of the brain that stored long-term memories and used technology to erase them as if they never were. Duo was his first successful subject. In layman's terms? Duo would never remember anything
from the past. It was all completely and utterly gone.
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