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"Of Fruitbaskets and Beaches "Written By: Jewel of Hell Disclaimer: Don't own nothin' but these words.
Rating: NC 17 Warnings: PWP, total fluff, silliness, language,
yaoi, lime, tangerine, grapefruit, kumquat, orange, pomegranate, pummelo,
lemon, Relena bashing, violence, MAJOR OOCness, fruitiness, Bitch
Squad Pairings: 1x2 Summary: I couldn't begin to summarize this story.
Your best bet is to read it and find out. Contains copious amounts
of citrus and silliness. Read if you dare! " Of Fruitbaskets and Beaches "
Dante caught Duo before he fell flat on his pretty face tripping over one of the plethora of dogs scattered around the enormous house they would soon be making their home. "Easy, sweet stuff," Dante murmured, setting him back on his feet. Duo jerked out of his hold, practically throwing his arms around Vengeance. "Are you okay, Vengeance? I didn't hurt you, did I?" Dante blinked when the Doberman shook his head. Um, did I just imagine that . . . Vengeance wasn't forthcoming with many answers as he licked Duo all over the face. His long, thin tail waved a little, and Dante found himself pondering tails. Since Dobermans didn't have long tails, perhaps Vengeance was a genetically mutated critter. I wonder where Kyra is. I want to . . . and then . . . and then maybe I'll . . . with my tongue . . . He tripped over Judo as he made his way to wherever Kyra was. Judo gave him a baleful stare before trotting into another room. Kyra was irritably directing Daniel and Ivy where to put the living room furniture. Dante came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, his hand unerringly landing on her phoenix and tracing the tattoo down . . . to where it disappeared into her jeans . . . She slapped his hand away. "Why don't you help?" she demanded, pushing him away. He came back like a magnet, nuzzling her, his hand sliding down . . . "Dante . . ." she warned. Ivy, standing easily close enough to see, imagined a nest of hornets getting stirred up . . . Dante ignored her, his hand getting a little bolder . . . "Dante!" she snapped, whirling and giving him a rather painful kiss that involved a whole lot of teeth and not much lips. "If you keep this up, I'm going to drag you into the bathroom and rape you!" "Promise?" he murmured, his hand now sliding down the back of her jeans. For a moment, Ivy actually thought Kyra might knock him out. But Dante did something Ivy couldn't see due to their positions, and the fire in Kyra's eyes took on whole new meanings. She grabbed Dante's collar and hauled him off to do things that required no imagination on Ivy's part. Now it was her turn to be irritated. Storming through the house until she found Heero, she planted herself right in front of him. "Will you make your damn Coalition work already?" she growled. Heero stood up—Ivy wondered what the hell he had been doing on the floor in the first place—and Looked at her. "What makes you think those idiots listen to a thing I say?" he demanded. She put her hands on her hips. "You're their damn leader, aren't you? All they're good for is getting in the way, slowing things up, and hauling their respective pieces of ass into the bathrooms to make them stop working which slows things up and wastes time—" Jin walked in, picked her up, and hauled her to the nearest bathroom. Heero watched, raising an eyebrow. He might have found this amusing except when he backed up to resume his work he tripped over Extreme. Again. "Aah! You damn dog! Where the hell are you always coming from!" Extreme gave him his most innocent eyes. "Wes, your dog is so energetic!" Duo sang, ignoring his chore for favor of chasing the black-and-white Border Collie all through the house. "You like Cyber, huh?" Wes said, picking up a handful of clothes. "I call her Cyberspace for short." Lydia, who was busy hanging up some beautiful paintings, stopped and looked at him with quizzical eyes. "For short?" she echoed. "Cyberspace is longer than Cyber." Wes looked back at her with the eye not hidden behind a hank of dark hair. "No it's not." "Yes it is," Lydia argued. "Cyber is two syllables, Cyberspace has three." "It is not longer," Wes countered. There might have been more of this, but Cyber tackled Wes at this moment, sending him to the floor and clothes flying everywhere. Duo giggled. Then stopped. "Oh, where the heck is Phantom? I so wanted to see her . . ." He flounced off, his long braid swaying jauntily. Daniel watched him pass by, blinking. "Wes, would you help out, man? Geez. Clothes all over the floor. Whassa matter with you." Ivy stalked into the room. "Where the hell is Heero?" "I dunno," Daniel said, shrugging as he stomped out to grab some more furniture. Upstairs, Heero tripped over Extreme and swore like a sailor. Lamasu walked in and looked at him inquiringly. "Man, why can't you keep track of your dog?" "Shut up, Lamasu, or I will rip your tonsils out!" Halfway up the stairs, Phantom found Duo and landed on his shoulder with a pleased caw. Duo laughed like a bell and ran outside with her, completely ignoring Ivy who demanded he get to work (she did demand very nicely). Kyra was tempted to knock Dante out when he did his best imitation of Super Glue and would not get off her! I mean, good lord, she'd already tied him down and . . . on the toilet, near the sink, in the shower! She admired his stamina, but for heaven's sake, did he have anything on his mind but sex? His hand found the more intimate lines of her phoenix and she tackled him again. Syriith wondered where Duo was. Her sweet angel was so enchanted by Phantom it was high past time he met Wraith, her crow companion. Come to think of it, she didn't know where Wraith was, either. As she wandered through the house she saw Dante dragging Kyra back into the bathroom, Heero tripping over Extreme, Ivy kicking the shit out of Jin, Lydia dropping nails all over the floor and freaking out, Jade making some god-awful health food crap in the kitchen, Cyber running around like squirrels on crack, and Adriana shamelessly taking advantage of Daniel in the front door. Reversing her trajectory, she made for the kitchen and broke out the alcohol. The only way I can live through this without killing someone is if I'm drunk of my ass! She chugged a bottle of Everclear. Ivy walked into the kitchen and saw Syriith giggling to herself as she sat on the counter swinging her legs. She was surrounded by five empty bottles of Everclear, and her giggling was seriously creeping Ivy out. She grabbed one for herself. "That's a fantastic idea!" Soon she was giggling too. Duo, gadding about outside with a crow on each shoulder (one of whom he had no idea where it came from), wondered why there was a small herd of pygmy goats munching on grass a few yards away from the house. Heero arranged his and Duo's bedroom to his liking—the furniture, at least—and left the pictures and more decorative trappings up to his love. He had no idea where Duo was, but he was hungry and he could smell something cooking so he headed for the kitchen. He made it two steps out the door before he tripped over Extreme. Lamasu wandered into one of the other rooms in this magnificently absurdly large house and found Jason and Wes bent over some bizarre-looking contraption. "What's this?" he inquired curiously. Wes looked up. "It's our own personal recycler. It converts trash into energy." "Ah," Lamasu said. He noticed Cyber was running around Wes's legs in tight circles. Jin stalked into the moving van and picked up one of the many couches and hauled it inside. He nearly bowled Lydia over. She jumped aside with a squeak. "You're so strong!" she enthused. He had it on one arm, balanced on his shoulder. "What the hell are you cooking?" Heero demanded, peering over Jade's shoulder. She frowned at him. "It's wheatgrass and tofu," she informed him testily. Heero raised an eyebrow. "Are you planning on feeding some goats?" Syriith handed him a Twinkie. Outside, Duo laughed with delight when Vengeance found him and tackled him to the ground. "Oh, you wanna play?" He grabbed onto the dog's neck and just mauled him. Vengeance staggered away, feeling a little . . . ruffled. Kyra finally resorted to handcuffing Dante to the pipes beneath the sink and leaving him there. He whined piteously, and she completely ignored him. Storming into the kitchen, she grabbed Jade's idea of a meal and dumped it down the food processor. "Kyra!" Jade whined. "I think the Queen Bitch knows a little more about cooking than you do," Kyra said coolly. "At least for normal people. Go find Jason and Wes and tell them to get busy!" "Yeah, and if they don't, I'll come find them and wail on their ass!" Ivy piped up. Syriith handed her a Twinkie. Duo jumped up. "I want a Twinkie!" he told Phantom and the other crow. "Maybe Syriith will have one." The wonderful smells of Kyra's cooking wafted through the nearest rooms, bringing the Coalition much like a midden heap will draw flies. Not that Kyra's cooking could be compared to a midden heap, but guys certainly could be as simple as flies. By now Syriith and Ivy were drunk and eyed each other. Perhaps they were on the same wavelength, because at precisely the same time they reached for each other and started making out. All the guys stopped dead (Heero excluded, of course) and stared. The sound of jaws hitting the floor could be heard. Kyra threw a boomerang she had pulled out of . . . somewhere . . . and chucked it at them. It successfully hit all the males in the room except Heero, who at the precise moment it passed near him tripped over Extreme and fell on the floor. Duo bounced into the kitchen and glomped the person nearest to him—which happened to be Kyra—grinning manically. "What's for lunch? I've been working so hard I'm starving!" "And what exactly have you been doing?" Lamasu demanded, materializing in their midst. Duo jumped. Phantom gave Lamasu her most affronted stare. Lamasu twitched. Heero hauled himself up and wondered why Duo hadn't glomped him. "It's just spaghetti," Kyra said, smiling, pleased. Duo tackled Syriith, finally breaking off her heated make-out session with Ivy. "Syriiiiiith, can I have a Twinkie? You have some, right?" Syriith started making out with him. Now it was Heero's turn to stare. Duo broke away, flushed and breathless. "I feel so lesbian right now!" he exclaimed, giggling. Syriith handed him a Twinkie. Adriana burst into the room, glomping Syriith and making out with her. Lamasu twitched. Was everyone going to make out with Syriith but him? Heero looked at him. Lamasu wondered what would happen if they started making out. He decided to try it. Heero was so startled Lamasu had ample opportunity to plunge his tongue into his best friend's mouth. Man, we've been friends forever, this is so weird, Heero thought. But he's a pretty good kisser. Now it was the girls' turn to stop and stare, collective jaws hitting the floor. Duo had never considered himself the jealous type, but it was asking a little too much to just stand and watch someone else kiss his lover. So he joined them. Syriith watched her first three-way kiss. She hadn't even known it was possible until now. And man was it hot . . . "I'm hungry, damn it!" Ivy burst out in a drunken rage. Everyone Looked at her. Syriith handed her a Twinkie. Later in the evening they all sat around in the living room playing poker and drinking espressos. Sitting on Heero's lap, curled up against him, Duo was perfectly content. Cyber started flying around the room like a mad dog. Wes held out his cup to her. "Here you go," he said. She took a drink, and it actually seemed to calm her down and that was . . . somehow unsettling . . . Duo, worn out from doing nothing all day, felt himself dozing off. Until Heero, who was idly stroking his hip, shifted his angle to include Duo's ass. This perked him up considerably, and he gave Heero an appreciative kiss. Syriith watched. Hmm, that's hot . . . She ate a Twinkie. "Isn't it just amazing that the whole house is done?" Lydia said to no one in particular. "We're all moved in!" Everyone looked at her. "Yeah. That is pretty amazing. How'd that happen?" Kyra mused. Duo was startled. "It's done?" "Yes, no thanks to you," Dante piped up. Kyra slapped her lover's bare chest. "Like you have any room to talk! All you did was follow me all over the house and feel me up!" Duo giggled. None of the guys were wearing shirts (Duo excluded, of course), and Heero found himself appreciating Duo's very short shorts. He worked his hand beneath the denim, appreciating Duo's pert little ass. All the girls were wearing shorts and they too were topless (Duo excluded, of course), wearing only their bras. Duo wore one of his black halter tops—which Heero found incredibly hot. "I have an idea," Duo piped up. Everyone gave him their undivided attention. Heero especially. "Let's make one of the big rooms into a total nature room. Plants everywhere, and let's put a pond in the middle of the floor and find a whole bunch of spring peepers in the pond!" Syriith nodded. "That's a great idea. Let's do that." "What the hell are spring peepers?" Ivy demanded, tossing back a shot of espresso. Coffee had apparently not relaxed her like it did Cyber. Cyber looked on with scorn. "They're frogs," Heero snapped crossly. "Dumb bitch." He half expected her to bark out what were frogs. Syriith handed him a Twinkie.
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