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"Lemon Juice"Written By: Hemlock Inyx Disclaimer: This chick does not own any of the
Gundam Wing characters because they belong to Bandai and Sunrise.
I am borrowing them for this fict and will return them in good (if
somewhat sticky) condition.This fict is written out of love and not
for profit, don't sue. Thanks and enjoy! Rating: NC 17 Warnings: yaoi, OOC, humor, silliness Pairings: 5x2 Summary: The Maguanacs have all been kidnapped
so the guys head out to try and save them. "Lemon Juice"
"DUO! WUFEI! The Maganacs have been kidnapped! There was some shifting around under the blankets and Duo's head popped out at the foot of the bed. "Nani?" "Have you got Wufei's tongue in your ear? I said that the Maganacs have been kidnapped!" Duo, who did not have Wufei's tongue in his ear, gasped and started to scramble up from under the covers, then he remembered that it might not be a good idea since he was more or less naked. (Do handcuffs and a condom count at clothing?) Luckily Quatre was only frantic and not blind and noticed Duo's predicament. "I can wait 20 minutes, I missed tea time anyway. Where do you keep your tea set again?" ~*~ Half an hour, three cups of tea and a quick game of hide the salami later found our would be rescuers speeding down the road towards the Maganacs communal home. While Duo was occupied driving as fast as was humanly possible in their beat up VW Bug, Wufei took the time to interrogate Quatre for all useful information. "So when did you notice that all 40 of the Maganacs were gone?" "Well I had been invited to a tea party at their home and had arrived early to help set out the croquet set when I noticed that the door was missing from it’s hinges, the tea was cold, and no one was around. Oh, and there was this note stuck to the wall with this knife." Grinding his teeth in frustration at the injustice of being hauled out of bed by the blond ditz, Wufei snatched the note and hastily read the message written in pink lip liner. Dear Quatre, Don't worry, we will not harm the Maganacs as long as they carry out our twisted scheme. Hugs and kisses the G-girls and Princess Pink.
Duo handed the wheel over to Wufei and let Quatre use his shirt as a hanky, " Don't worry Quatre, I know who can help us get the Maganacs back" "Who is that, Duo?" "Why, none other than Heero Yuy. If he can't get them back, well, someone else would be sure to, but he's our best hope." Quatre sniffed and blew his nose in Duo’s shirt then asked, “But where is Heero? Everyone knows he just walked off into space after Endless Waltz.” “Yes Duo, just where is Yuy anyway?” After making a mental note to send Quatre his dry cleaning bill, Duo grabbed the wheel back from Wufei and made a U-turn in the middle of the road. “Heero said that when ever we really needed him we should look for him in the last place on earth that anyone would expect him to be.” Quatre blinked and guessed, “Um, a Sailor Moon convention?” Wufei snorted, “Please Quatre, think less degrading and more unusual, like. . . . like….. um….?” “Like a nudist colony is what I think you mean to say, Wu-baby.” “Why, yes that will do. Wait, what makes you think that Heero is at a nudist colony?” “Oh come on guys, can you picture Heero at a nudist colony? I mean we are talking about the ‘Perfect Soldier’ here. Besides, he sent me a post card last week.” Quatre giggled and peeked red-faced at the post-card that Heero had sent. “Wow, who knew Heero would have tan lines.” ~*~ Several hours, one flat tire and two tea pit stops later the three ex-pilots were sitting across from Heero in his trailer at the Every Nook and Cranny Nudist Colony. “So that’s what we know so far. Quatre showed up, and all that was left behind was this note from the G-girls and Princess Pink.” Heero inspected the note for a while. Finally, he licked the paper and nodded his head, satisfied. “Yes, I would remember this pink lip liner anywhere, it's Relena. As for the G-girls, they must be Dorothy, Noin, and Sally” Quatre broke down into tears again, this time using the table cloth as a hanky, “What horrible deeds could Relena be committing with the Maganacs?” “Yeah, what would *snicker* Relena want with 40 grown men?” Heero turned to Quatre who was busy blowing his nose with the table cloth, “Quatre, what were the Maganacs doing since the war ended?” “Well they decided that they should run their own website hosting company and they specialized in fan fiction sites. Why do you ask?” “Because I needed to know why Relena would want the Maganacs and now I do.” “Well? Share with us!” “Figure it out yourself baka. Right now I have to go get dressed.” ~*~ Meanwhile, in a fortress deep in the jungle, “Princess Pink” and the G-girls had their evil scheme well under way. Relena, dressed head to toe in pink PVC, cracked a whip over the heads of the hapless Maganacs as they were forced to carry out her will. And what exactly was Relena up too? The former Queen of the world had grown tired of waiting around for her favorite authors to write fan fictions so she had taken matters into her own hands. Tied to chairs, each Maganac sat in front of an old fashioned typewriter, busily typing lemon GW ficts as fast as they could. Dorothy, Noin and Sally would bring Relena the finished manuscripts as soon as they were done. “Look, Miss Relena, a 1x2x5 and another 3x4.” *Evil cackle* “Excellent! Bring more lemon juice. I want to see some 3x5’s and 1x4’s.” The air was filled with the sent of lemons as the G-girls forced the Maganacs to drink lemon juice, and I don’t mean lemonade, but fresh from the lemon lemon juice. “Please, Mistress Relena, I can’t drink anymore lemon juice! Have mercy on us!” **Crack** “AGGHHH!!!!!” “Stop that whining and finish the 4x2 you are writing! And be sure to make it good and nasty, just the way I like them!” {Do to lack of interest and the fact that the author’s humor muse skipped town after inspiring a really cool ending, the author will skip the really boring middle part of this fict and cut right to the end. All complaints and flames should be sent to: Humormuse@yarightloser.com} ~*~ Standing outside the steel braced doors of the not-so-secret fortress of “Princess Pink,” Heero, Duo, Quatre and Wufei despaired of ever getting in to save the Maganacs. Turning to Heero, Duo complained, “Just how in the hell are we supposed to get in without our Gundams or explosives? And what do you have in that box, Heero?” Lifting the lid of the box just enough so Duo could peek in, Heero smirked, “Just a little something to take care of ‘Princess Pink’.” Duo eeped and snuggled against Wufei in fear. “Your are sick man! And that might take care of Relena, but what about the G-girls?” “Hn. I have this!” Holds up a seemingly innocent computer disk. “The secret weapon.” Wufei sighed, “Heero, you have been spending way too much time with your laptop. Just how is a computer disk going to save us from three crazy hentai onnas?” “It’s not the disk, but what’s on the disk.” “Um, as much as I hate to interrupt this plot device, we have a bigger problem right now. Look!” Quatre pointed to the now open doors where at least a hundred rabid yaoi fangirls stood waiting to glomp them into submission. **Evil cackle from above** “Ha ha, looks like I will soon have you in my clutches, Gundam pilots, and then I can force you to perform strange and unusual hentai acts for the amusement of my fangirls!” Quatre gasped, “Oh no! It’s Princess Pink a.k.a. Relena!” “Get ‘em girls!” The fangirls started to advance on the hopeless pilots who stood frozen in fear. Could this be the end? Will Relena succeed in her evil plot? Not if I have anything to say about it! "The only way to stop a pack of fangirls is give them what they want.” “Heero, are you suggesting we sacrifice Quatre to them so we can escape?” “Hey, why me? Why not you or Duo?” “No baka, if you want to subdue them you have to. . . .” Heero whispered the rest into Wufei’s ear causing his eyes to light up with an evil gleam. “Oh Duo, do you want to ‘hide the salami?!’” Duo started jumping up and down and clapping his hands. “Yes, yes! I want to hide the salami!” The rest of Duo’s outburst was cut off as Wufei tackled him to the ground. Soon clothing was flying through the air as the two lovers went at it. The fangirls stopped in their tracks and started to ‘ohh’ and ‘aww’ over the scene before their eyes. Meanwhile, unnoticed by the others, Quatre and Heero slipped past the pack of now drooling girls into the fortress. The lust-filled cries of their companions faded into the distance. “Yes, Wu-baby! Hide that salami! Hide it good!” Heero and Quatre raced through the halls, hoping to reach the Maganacs before Relena was able to throw any more surprises at them. Bursting though the doors of the main hall, Heero and Quatre were horrified at the scene of the enslaved Maganacs still typing as fast as they could. “Quick, Quatre, start untying them before the G-girls and Princess Pink discover we are here.” “Ha ha, too late, Heero! I have already discovered you!” “Eek it’s Miss Relena!” “And don’t forget us, Blondie!” “Eek it’s the G-girls, Dorothy, Noin, and Sally!” Soon Heero, Quatre, and the freed Maganacs were backed into a corner, faced with the wrath of four crazy hentai onnas. “Heero! Do something!” Quatre wailed as Dorothy started suggestively wiggling her eyebrows at him. Backed into a corner with no escape, Heero opened the box he was still carrying and pulled out. . . . a cute fuzzy teddy bear with dark blue eyes, that was wearing a green tank top and black spandex shorts, and threw it at Relena. Catching the incredibly cute thing, Relena cuddled the bear close, melting into a large pile of pink goo. “Ha, that might have worked on Relena, Heero, but the G-girls are made of tougher stuff.” Not one to waste words when he had the upper hand, Heero pulled out the computer disk and his gun. “Come any closer and you can kiss this disk good bye.” “Ha! What do we care about a stupid computer disk, spandex boy.” “Because it has the only copy of the next installment of Mel & Christy’s Rebuilding on it!” The three G-girls screamed in terror and huddled around the pile of goo that was Relena. “Please no, anything but the only copy of the next installment of Mel & Christy’s Rebuilding!” They chorused in unison. “Fine, then let all of us go, and I will post this on the Death and Dragon ml, if not, then ‘Bam’!” Having no choice, the G-girls had to let the Maganacs and pilots go or risk losing the next installment of Rebuilding. ~*~ The next day, back on the ranch at the Maganacs tea party, Heero, Duo, Quatre, and Wufei were celebrating their success in thwarting Relena and the G-girls’ evil plans. “Heero, just how did you manage to get the only copy of the next installment of Mel & Christy's Rebuilding anyway?” Heero pulled out the disk and looked at it, “Oh this? It’s just a blank disk. I was bluffing the entire time. Mel and Christy safe guard their fictions too well. Besides I don’t think they’ve even written the next part to Rebuilding yet.” Duo, Quatre, and Wufei might have answered Heero, but they were too busy twitching on the ground with huge sweatdrops. At that moment Rashid walked over to ask a question that had been burning in the back of his mind since this whole fict began. “Master Quatre, just where is Trowa? I mean you can hardly have a GW fict with out Trowa.” What a good question, Rashid, just where was the silent pilot of the Heavyarms? ~*~ Several thousand miles away, on a secluded tropical beach surrounded by bikini clad women, Trowa relaxed on the sand sipping a Mai Tai. “What? I just happen to have a very good agent who got me out of this fic.” ~Owari~
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