"Convincing Heero"

Written By: Hemlock Inyx

Disclaimer: This chick does not own any of the Gundam Wing characters because they belong to Bandai and Sunrise. I am borrowing them for this fict and will return them in good (if somewhat sticky) condition. I also don't own Nora Robert's Convincing Alex, on which this fict is heavily based (well more like a fusion/translation). This fict is written out of love and not for profit, don't sue. Thanks and enjoy!

Rating: NC 17

Warnings: AU Romance/Cop Drama, Cross-dressing/drag, humor, romance, some OOC-ness, language, and murder- not main characters.

Pairings: 1x2, 4xC for added interest. More pairings to come.

Summary: Heero is a cop, Duo is a cross-dressing man who writes for a daytime soap opera. The pair meet when Duo is arrested doing 'research' for the soapie.

" Convincing Heero"

Chapter 19

Impatient and unsympathetic, Treize paced the floor of Heero’s sparsely furnished apartment. “You don’t answer you phone,” Treize was saying. “You don’t return messages.” He kicked a discarded shirt aside. The apartment was in shambles. “Lucky for you I came instead of your mother. She would have had a fit about you living like a pig.”

“I gave the staff the month off.” With the concentrated care of the nearly drunk, Heero poured another glass of vodka from the half-empty bottle on the table.

“And drinking alone in the middle of the day.”

“So, join me.” Heero gestured carelessly toward the kitchen, where the dishes were piled high. “Bound to be a clean glass somewhere.”

Treize washed one out before coming back to the table. He sat, poured. “What is this, Heero?”

“Celebration. My day off.” Heero took a swallow and waited for the vodka to join the rest swimming though his system. “I caught the bad guy.” With a half laugh, Heero toasted himself. “And I lost the girl.”

Treize drummed his fingers on the table as he drank. It was no less than he’d expected. “You fought with Duo?”

“Fought?” Heero studied the clear, potent liquid in his glass. “I don’t know that’s the term, exactly. Found him with another man.”

Treize’s glass froze halfway to his lips. “You’re wrong.”

“Nope.” Heero reached for the bottle with an almost steady hand. “Walked in and found him lip-locked to this guy he used to be engaged to. Duo has this hobby of getting engaged.”

Treize merely shook his head. Something wasn’t right with this picture. “Did you kill him?”

“Thought about it.” Before he drank again, Heero ran his tongue over his teeth. Good, he thought. They were nearly numb. The rest would follow. “Too damn bad I’m a cop.”

“What was Duo’s explanation?”

“Didn’t give me one. Got pissed, is all.” Heero set the glass down so that he could use both hands to rub his face.

“Because you accused without trusting.”

“I didn’t accuse,” Heero shot back, then pressed his fingers to his burning eyes. “I didn’t have to. What I didn’t say was unforgivable. Duo tossed me out on my ear, but not before he told me he didn’t love me anyway.”

“Duo lies.” Before Heero could lift his glass again, Treize grabbed his wrist. “I tell you, he lies. A few days ago Duo visited Noin and the baby. I made him sit for me and sketched him while he talked of you. There’s no mistaking what I saw in Duo’s eyes, Heero. You’re blind if you haven’t seen it yourself.”

Heero had seen it, and the pain of remembering what he’d seen clawed through him so that Heero stumbled to his feet as if to escape it. “Duo falls in love easily.”

“So? There is love, and love. How many times have you taken the fall?”

“This is the first.”

“For this kind, yes. There were others.”

“They were different.”

“Ah.” Patient and amused, Treize held up a finger. “So it’s ok for you to play with love until you find the truth, but it’s not ok for Duo.”

“It’s—" Put that way, it was tough to argue with. Especially when his head was reeling. “Damn it, I was jealous. I have a right to be jealous.”

“You have a right to make an ass of yourself, too.” Pleased, now that he knew it could be fixed, Treize kicked back and crossed his booted feet. “Did you?”

“Big-time.” Heero swayed, then sat down heavily. “I was going to ask him to marry me, Treize. I had the ring in my pocket and these stupid lilacs. I was scared to death Duo would say yes. More scared that he would say no.” Heero propped his spinning head in his hands. “What the hell was Duo doing kissing that son of a bitch?”

“Maybe if you had asked nicely, Duo would have told you.”

With a lopsided grin, Heero turned his bleary eyes on his brother-in-law. “Would you have asked nicely?”

“No, I would have broken his arms, maybe his legs, too. Then I would have asked.” With a sigh, Treize patted Heero’s shoulder. “But that is me. You were always more impulsive.”

“We could go find him.” Heero considered and, warming to the idea, leaned over to give Treize a sloppy hug. “We’ll go beat him up together. Like old times.”

“We’ll try something different.” Rising, Treize hauled Heero to his feet.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m going to put you in a cold shower until your head’s clear.”

Heero staggered and linked an arm around Treize’s neck. “What for?”

“So you can go find Duo and grovel.”

Unsure of his footing, Heero stared at the tilting floor. “I don’t want to grovel.”

“Yes, you do. It’s best to get used to it before you marry him. I have more experience in this.”

“Oh, yeah?” Enjoying the idea of his brother-in-law crawling at Une’s feet, he grinned as Treize thrust him, fully clothed, into the shower. “Can I watch next time?”

“No.” With immense satisfaction, Treize turned the cold water on full and listened to Heero’s pained shout bounce viciously on the tiles. “This is a very good start,” Treize decided.

“You son of a bitch.” They were both laughing when Heero grabbed Treize in a headlock and dragged him under the spray.

* * * * * * *

Heero was nearly sober by the time he walked into Duo’s office, but he wasn’t laughing. It was hard to laugh when your throat was thick with nerves.

Heero was going to be reasonable, he promised himself. They would discuss the entire matter like civilized adults. And if Duo didn’t give him the right answers, he’d strangle him. Heero could always arrest himself afterward.

But he only saw Hilde sitting at the keyboard, frantically typing. “I’ll have the damn changes by six,” she called out. Her brow was furrowed in concentration as she glanced up. When she saw Heero her eyes frosted over.

“What the hell do you want?”

“I need to see Duo.”

“You’re out of luck.” Nobody hurt her friend and got away with it. Nobody. “Duo’s not here.”

“Where?”

Hilde offered an anatomically impossible suggestion, offered it so coolly Heero nearly smiled. But it wasn’t enough. Hilde leapt up and slammed the door shut. Locked it. “Sit down, buster, I’ve got an earful for you.”

“Tell me where Duo is.”

“When hell freezes over. Do you know what you did to Duo?” Hilde took the flat of her hand to push Heero back. “Why didn’t you just cut Duo’s heart and slice it into little pieces while you were at it?”

“What I did?” Heero jammed his hand into his pockets so he wouldn’t shove back. “I’m the one who walked in and found Duo snuggled up to that pretty-faced playwright.”

“You don’t know what you found.”

“Then why don’t you tell me?”

She’d die first. “You don’t know Duo at all, do you? You didn’t have a clue how lucky you were. Duo’s the most loving, most generous, most unselfish person I’ve ever known. Duo would have crawled through broken glass for you.” Afraid she’d do something violent if she didn’t move, Hilde began to pace. “I was so happy when Duo told me about you. I could see how much in love he was. Really in love. Duo wasn’t just taking you under his wing until he could find someone for you.”

“Find someone for me?”

“What do you think Duo did with all those other men who were dazzled by him?” Hilde tossed back. “Oh, Duo would try to talk himself into being in love, and thinking they loved him back, and the whole time he’d listen to their problems like some den mother. Then he’d steer them in the direction of some woman he’d decided was perfect for them. Duo was usually right.”

“Duo was going to marry—"

“Duo was never going to marry anyone. Whenever he said yes, it was because he couldn’t bear to hurt anyone’s feelings. And, okay, because Duo always wanted to have someone he could count on. But however loyal, however sensitive, Duo is to other people’s feelings, he’s not stupid. Duo would tell himself he was going to get married, then he would go into overdrive finding the guy a substitute.”

“Substitute? Why--?” But Hilde wasn’t ready to let Heero get a word in.

“Not that Duo ever calculated it that way. But after you watched it happen a couple of times, you say the pattern. But you…” She whirled back to Heero. “You broke the pattern. Duo needed you. You made him cry.” Angry tears glazed Hilde’s own eyes. “Not once did I ever see him cry over any man. He’d just slip seamlessly into the my-pal-Duo category, and everyone was happy. But Duo cried buckets over you.”

Heero felt sick, and small, and he was beginning to understand a great deal about groveling. “Tell me where he is. Please.”

“Why should I?”

“I love him.”

Hilde wanted to snarl at him for daring to say so, but she recognized the same misery in his eyes she’d seen in her friend’s. “Trowa was—"

“No.” Heero shook his head quickly. “It doesn’t matter.” What did matter was trust, and it was time he gave it. “I don’t need to know. I just need Duo.”

With a sigh, Hilde fingered the square cut diamond on her left hand. Duo had pushed her into taking the right step with Steven. She could only hope she was doing the same in return. “If you hurt Duo again, Heero—"

“I won’t.” Then he sighed. “I don’t want to hurt him again, but I probably will.”

Hilde weakened, because it was exactly the thing a man in love would say. “I sent Duo home. He wasn’t in any shape to work.”

“Arigato”

“What?”

“Thanks.”

* * * * * * *

Duo hated feeling this way. The only way Duo could get from one day to the next was by telling himself it would get better. It had to get better.

But Duo didn’t believe it.

He hadn’t had the heart to throw out the lilacs. Duo had tried to. He’d stood holding them over the trash can, weeping like a fool. But the thought of parting with them had been too much. Now Duo tormented himself with the fragile scent whenever he came downstairs.

Duo thought about taking a trip—anywhere. Duo certainly had the vacation time coming, but it didn’t seem fair to leave Hilde in the lurch, especially since Hilde had added wedding plans to her workload.

A lot of good Duo was doing Hilde, or the show, this way, he thought. But the problems of the people in Millbrook seemed terribly petty when compared to his. Too bad he couldn’t write himself out of this one, Duo thought, as he stood in his kitchen, trying to talk himself into fixing something to eat.

Well, he’d certainly made the grade, Duo told himself, and pressed his fingers against his swollen eyes. He’d fallen in love and had his heart broken. Great research for the next troubled relationship he invented for the television audience.

The hell with food. Duo was going to go up to bed and will himself to sleep. Tomorrow he would find a way to put his life back together.

When Duo stepped out of the kitchen, what was left of his life was shattered as his feet.

Heero was standing by the table, one hand brushing over the lilacs. All he did was look at Duo, turn his head and look, and Duo nearly crumpled to his knees.

“What are you doing here?” The pain made Duo’s voice razor sharp.

“I still have my key.” Heero lowered his hand slowly. Duo’s eyes were still puffy from his last bout of tears, and there were smudges of fatigue under them. Nothing that had been said to Heero, nothing he’d said to himself, had lashed more sharply.

“You didn’t have to bring it by.” If composure was all he had left, Duo would cling to it. “You could have dropped it in the mail. But thanks.” Duo’s smile was so cold it hurt his jaw. “If that’s all, I’m in a hurry. I was just on my way up to change before I go out.”

“You can’t look at me when you lie.” Heero said it half to himself, remembering how Duo’s eyes had drifted away from his face when he said he didn’t love him.

Duo forced his gaze back to Heero’s, held it steady. “What do you want, Heero?”

“A great many things. Maybe too many things. But first, for you to forgive me.”

Duo’s face crumpled at that. He put a hand up to cover it, knowing it was too late. “Leave me alone.”

“Koi, let me—"

“Don’t.” Duo cringed away, crossing his arms over himself in self-defense, and Heero’s hands stopped an inch away. There was an odd catch in Heero’s breath as he drew back and let his arms fall to his sides.

“I won’t touch you.” Heero’s voice was quite and strained. “Please, let me say what I’ve come to say.”

“What else could there be?” Duo turned away. “I know what you think of me. You made that clear.”

“What I did was hurt you and make a fool of myself.”

“Oh, yes, you hurt me.” Duo was still trembling from it. “But not just that last time. You hurt me every time you pulled back when I needed to tell you how much I loved you. I thought, I won’t let it matter, because he’ll have to see it. Gods, he’ll have to see it, because it’s right there every time I look at him. Every time I think about him. And he loves me. He wants me. In my whole life, no one wanted me. Not really.”

“Duo.”

Duo jerked away from Heero’s hands. “My parents,” Duo began, turning back. “How many times I heard them say to each other, ‘Where did he come from?’ As if I was some stray pet that had wandered in by mistake.”

When Duo began to roam around the room, his shoulders still hunched protectively, Heero said nothing. How could he tell Duo he was sorry he’d opened up old wounds, and sorry, as well, that it had taken that to have Duo reveal those smothered feelings to him?

“I handled it.” Those stiff shoulders jerked as Duo tried to shrug it off. “What else could I do? It wasn’t their fault, really. They’ve always been so perfect, in their way, and I could never be. Not for them. Not even for you.”

“Do you think that’s what I want?”

Duo glanced back then. The tears had dried up. There was no point in them. “I don’t know what you want, Heero. I only know it keeps circling around. I went from my parents into school. Those awful teenage years, when everyone was falling in and out of love. No one wanted me. Oh, I had friends. Somewhere along the way I’d learned that if you didn’t try so hard, if you just relaxed and acted naturally, that there were a lot of people who’d like you for what you were. But there was never anybody to love until you.”

“There’s never going to be anyone else.” Heero waited until Duo turned back. “I love you, Duo. Please, give me another chance.”

“It won’t work.” Duo rubbed at his drying tears with the heel of his hand.. “I thought it would, I wanted it to. I was so sure love would be enough. But it’s not. Not without hope. Certainly not without trust.”

The calm way Duo said it had panic streaking through Heero. “Do you want me to crawl?” Heero ignored Duo’s defensive retreat and gripped his arms. “Then I will. You’re not going to push me out of your life because I was stupid, because I was afraid. I won’t let you..”

Was this how a man crawled? Duo wondered. With his eyes flashing fire and his voice booming? “And the next time you see me kissing an old friend?”

“I won’t care.” With a sound of disgust, Heero released Duo to talk the room. “I will care. I’ll kill the next one who touches you.”

“Then New York would be littered with bodies.” It should be funny, Duo thought. Why wasn’t it funny? “I can’t change what I am for you, Heero. I wouldn’t ask you to change for me.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” Heero scrubbed his hands over his face and struggled to find some balance. “I know a kiss between friends is harmless, Duo. I’m not quite that big a fool. But the other night, when I walked in—"

“You assumed I was betraying you.”

“I don’t know what I assumed.” It was as honest as Heero could get. “When I saw you, I felt…It was all feeling,” Heero said carefully. “So I didn’t think. In my heart, in my head, I know better than to assume anything. One of my own rules that I broke. There were reasons.” Calmer now, Heero walked back and took Duo’s hands. “We’d just finished the bust, and I was wired from it. I knew I’d tell you about it, all about it. I’d gone beyond trying to separate that part of my life—any part of it—from you. It was going to upset you to think about it, because of Dorothy. I knew that, too. Damn it, I knew you’d gone to see her alone, made arrangements for long term care for her now that she’s stable, and I felt like the lowest kind of creep for letting you.”

Heero was prying his heart open again, inch by inch. “I didn’t think you knew.”

“I knew.” His voice flat. All Heero could think was how desperately he wanted to hold Duo. “You leave notes everywhere. All these pieces of paper scattered around, with scribbling on them about dry-cleaning and dialogue and appointments. I saw the ones about the flowers you’d ordered, and the rehab center you contacted.” Heero looked down at their connected hands. “If things hadn’t been moving so fast in the investigation, I would have taken the time. I would have tried to.”

That Duo didn’t doubt. “It was more important to me that you catch the man who hurt her than that you go hold my hand at the hospital.”

“I wasn’t with you,” Heero said, more slowly. “And I wanted to be. And when I got here, I wanted to…” This was hardly the time to bring up the ring in his pocket. “I was churned up about a lot of things, Duo. My response was way out of line, and I’ll apologize for it as often as you like. But I’d like you to hear me out.”

“It’s all right.” Duo gave Heero’s hands a squeeze, hoping he’d release his. Heero didn’t. “Heero, Trowa was here because—“

“I don’t need to know.” Now, Heero let Duo’s hands go to bring his own to Duo’s face. Heero wanted Duo to see what was in his eyes. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. You don’t have to change yourself for me.”

Duo felt something move inside his heart and was afraid to believe it was healing. “I’d rather clear the air. I was too angry to do it before. Trowa came by to tell me that Middie was expecting. He was like a little boy at Christmas, and he wanted to share his good news with a friend. And to ask me if I’d be godmother—even though it’s seven and half months down the road.”

Heero lowered his brow to Duo’s. “You should have slugged me, Maxwell.” When Heero moved his mouth towards Duo’s, Heero felt him retreat. Patiently Heero stroked his thumbs over Duo’s temples. “Just once,” Heero murmured and tasted Duo’s lips.

Heero didn’t mean to deepen the kiss, didn’t mean to crush Duo against him and hold him so tightly neither of them could breathe. But Heero couldn’t stop himself until he felt Duo’s body shake with a fresh bout of tears.

“Don’t. Please don’t.” Heero pressed his face into Duo’s hair and rocked him. “I’ll break apart.”

Turning his face into Heero’s shoulder, Duo fought back the worst of the tears. “I didn’t want you to come back. I didn’t want to feel this again..”

He deserved that, Heero though as he squeezed his eyes tight. “You were right to send me away. I want a chance to prove you that you’re right to let me back in.” Heero brushed a hand over Duo’s hair. “You’re so good at listening, Duo. I have to ask you to listen to me now.”

“You don’t need to apologize again.” Duo could do nothing but love him, he realized, and, drawing back, he managed to smile. “And I can’t let you back in, because you were always here.”

Duo’s words brought a pressure to Heero’s chest. Heero pressed their joined hands against it to try to ease it away. “Just that easy?”

“It’s not easy.” Duo supposed it would never be easy. “It’s just the way it is.”

“Treize said I would grovel,” Heero murmured. “Duo, you humble me.”

“Let’s put it behind us.” Duo drew a deep breath, then kissed both of Heero’s cheeks as a sign of peace. “I’m good at fresh starts.”

“No.” Taking Duo’s hand, Heero pulled him to the couch. “I like our other start. We don’t need a new one, only to play this one out. Sit.” Heero pulled Duo down with him, keeping his hand close to his heart. “You explained, now I will. I was afraid to believe in you. No woman or man has ever meant what you mean, and I let myself imagine that you’d be with me forever. Just as I let myself imagine you’d turn away. And because I was more afraid of the second, it seemed more real.”

“It’s hard to be afraid.” Duo pulled Heero’s hand up to rest against his cheek. “I know.”

“You don’t know all.” Heero glanced away, toward the flowers subtly scenting the room. “You kept the lilacs.”

“I tried not to.” Duo smiled again. “But they were so beautiful.”

“I brought you something besides lilacs that day.” Heero reached into his pocket and drew out the box. Duo’s hand went limp in his. Heero watched Duo’s lips tremble apart. “I don’t think it’s ostentatious.” When Duo only continued to stare, Heero shifted. “That was a joke.”

“Okay.” The two syllables came out in a whisper. “Are you—are you going to let me see it?”

For an answer, Heero opened the box himself. Inside was a gold band set with a rainbow of gems. Heero knew what they were only because he’d asked the jeweler to identify each of them. The amethyst, the peridot, the blue topaz, the citrine.

“I know it’s not traditional,” Heero said when Duo remained silent. “But it reminded me of you, and I wanted—hell, I wanted something no one else would have thought to give you.”

“No one has,” Duo managed, barely breathing. “No one would.”

“If you don’t like it, we can look for something else.”

Duo was afraid he would cry again and knew it would do neither of them any good. “It’s lovely. Beautiful.” Duo managed to tear his gaze away from the ring. “You bought me this before? You had it with you the other night? You where going to give it to me, then you walked in and saw me with Trowa.” Laughing, Duo lifted Heero’s hand to his cheek. “I’m surprised you didn’t gun us both down. I couldn’t have written it better myself.”

“Then you forgive me?”

Duo already had, but since Heero was looking so nervous, he nodded. “Anyone with such good taste deserves a second chance.”

“I bought this days ago, but it took me a while to work up the nerve. Facing a junkie with an Uzi seemed easier.” But Heero was into it now, and he was going to finish. “My idea was to pressure you to accept it, then push for a quick wedding so you wouldn’t change your mind. But that was wrong.” Heero closed the box, and was encouraged by Duo’s quick gasp of dismay. “It was stupid, and it showed a lack of trust in both of us. I’m sorry.”

“I—you—" Duo let out a frustrated breath. “I don’t mind.”

“Of course you do,” Heero said. “It was calculating, even devious, when a proposal of marriage should be romantic. So, when we’re both ready, I’ll ask you properly.”

Duo’s face fell. “When we’re both ready?”

“I don’t want to push you when you might be feeling a little vulnerable. Especially since a long engagement is out. So I’ll give you time.”

“Time,” Duo echoed, ready to scream.

“It’s fair.” Heero waited a beat. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Before Duo could laugh, Heero was down on one knee. “What are you doing?”

“A proper proposal of marriage.” Heero nearly launched into his humble little speech. Instead, Heero’s eyes darkened when Duo continued to laugh. “You don’t want one.”

“Damn right I want one. But I want you up here.” Duo took Heero’s hand to tug him back to the couch so that they were at eye level with each other. “I want you to look me right in the eye.”

“Okay, then I get something I want, too.”

“Name it.”

“I want to hear you say it.” Heero caught Duo’s hand, brought it to his cheek. “I want very much to hear you say it. I need to hear the words from you.”

“I love you, Heero.” For the first time Duo said the words smiling, knowing they would be taken as they were meant. “I’m going to love you forever.”

Heero turned his face so that his lips pressed into Duo’s palm. Taking the ring out of the box, Heero slipped it onto Duo’s finger. It shot out a rainbow of color. As Heero linked his fingers with Duo’s, he lifted his head. “Be my family.” Heero shook his head before Duo could speak and felt himself stumble. “I meant to be romantic. Let me—"

“No.” Overwhelmed, Duo laid a hand over Heero’s lips. “That was perfect. Don’t change it. Don’t change anything.”

“Then say yes.”

“Yes.” Duo threw his arms around Heero and laughed. “Oh, yes….”

~Owari~

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